Britain's Ultimate Pop Flop - Caprice!

I'm very excited to welcome my second guest contributor, the amazingly talented Magical Froggy. Magical Froggy will be familiar to anyone who has ever braved the murky waters of Den Den or the Dannii Board. In fact, I think he is the only person to be banned more times than myself! Magical Froggy has already contributed some amazing artwork to Pop Trash Addicts and Dannii's Dirty Box but this is his first post and I am absolutely delighted by his choice of muse - a fabulous tart called Caprice. Unfortunately, Australia missed out on the undeniable magic of this shy and retiring flower. I thank Magical Froggy from the bottom of my heart for exposing me to the shining talent of this misunderstood pop genius!

Caprice Bourret. What comes to mind when you hear the name? Fantastic tits? Certainly. A Barbie figure with trashy bleach blonde hair? Definitely. Her stint on UK Celebrity Big Brother? Surely. Being Callum Best's sloppy seconds after her 'romance' with self-styled ginger 'Love God' Mick Hucknall? Perhaps.

You are probably unaware, though, of the many other strings Caprice has in her bow of talent. Firstly, she is a fashion designer. As John McCririck (don't worry if you've no idea who he is, you're better off not knowing) shrewdly pointed out to the nation on Big Brother, she was only on the show to plug her line of 'grubby knickers'. Secondly, she also fancies herself as an actress, appearing in such wonderful productions as Debbie Does Dallas - The Musical (I kid you not). Finally, what you are probably completely unaware of, once upon a time in the late 90s Caprice set her eyes upon the lucrative world of pop superstardom.

In 1999, Caprice and her perfectly proportioned mammaries signed a record deal with the then home of the Spice Girls, Virgin Records. What followed was perhaps one of the most tragically pathetic pop careers ever.

Caprice's self-penned debut single, the originally titled "Oh Yeah", was released in September 1999. When asked in TV interviews what she thought she was doing trying to launch a singing career, Caprice pointed out her role model of Sade, who was successful both as a model and as a singer. Clearly the rest of the world must have missed the phase in Sade's career where she appeared weekly in FHM and Loaded with her legs spread and a charmingly innocent 'whore' tit tattoo. And we won't mention the fact that Sade can sing, whereas Caprice's vocal talent is on a par with a tone-deaf sea lion. Needless to say, the single flopped, peaking at #22.

To get over the shock, Caprice 'did a Dannii' and stepped back from her pop career for a while. After being sent to work with Chesney Hawkes, Caprice came back with the Natalie Imbruglia-esque "Once Around The Sun" eighteen months later. Despite a pretty video with Caprice looking vacant on a US bus, and a surprisingly decent B-Side, "I Would Live For You", the single again did nothing and flopped, again peaking at #22. And that was that.
Caprice then announced that she was 'retiring' from her music career, citing the 'enormous stress' she was placed under. Allegedly she had a breakdown whilst flying back from Europe after promoting her second single there. Bless. That's even more feeble than the Danushka herself!

Enjoy Caprice's musical legacy. Appreciate or snigger, the choice is yours...!