The Ex-Lesbian & The Carpenters

After a series of relatively "highbrow" posts (by my standards!), I feel the desperate need to wallow in some hardcore pop trash or even better, some pop FILTH. If anyone can quench my thirst for lowbrow music, then it is reformed lesbian/Karen Carpenter impersonator, Jackie Clune. I kneel down to the powers that be at Klone Records for fostering "talent" like Jackie's. I'm not sure who actually thought that remaking classic Carpenters' songs as tragic dance anthems was a good idea but they surely deserve some kind of medal. Jackie's renditions of "Calling Occupants" and "Close To You" are tragifabulous in the extreme. I just hope Karen isn't listening from above!

The interesting thing about Jackie Clune, well apart from her questionable taste in music, is her current position as the poster girl for reformed lesbians. Jackie was a finger licking dyke between 1988 and 2000 before deciding she needed a good pounding. I found this article from The Guardian utterly fascinating. I can understand her craving cock only too well but who decides to be gay as a political gesture in the first place? Just think of all those years of bad hair and baggy trousers when her heart really wasn't in it. Silly cunt. Since leaving the sisterhood, Jackie has popped out 4 children, appeared on Eastenders and toured in Mamma Mia. Thankfully, she somehow found time to establish herself as England's leading Karen Carpenter interpreter and joined Klone Records' galaxy of "stars".

"Calling Occupants Of Interplanetary Craft" is one of my favourite Carpenters' songs, mainly because it is so fucking ridiculous. That's probably why it lends itself so wonderfully to the Klone treatment. Jackie's version of "Calling" has become something of a cult classic since its release with good reason. It's spine-chillingly tragic. Jackie's other stunning Carpenters' cover is "Close To You", which appeared on Klone's ultra classy "Mad About The Boy 3" compilation. "Close To You" does not reach the same craptastic heights as "Calling" but it is an enjoyable dance cover. Sit back and revel in the glorious sounds of Jackie Clune!

You can purchase Jackie's brilliant singles and the "Mad About The Boy" compilations from Klone's website. They also turn up regularly on English Ebay.