The Ex-Lesbian & The Carpenters

After a series of relatively "highbrow" posts (by my standards!), I feel the desperate need to wallow in some hardcore pop trash or even better, some pop FILTH. If anyone can quench my thirst for lowbrow music, then it is reformed lesbian/Karen Carpenter impersonator, Jackie Clune. I kneel down to the powers that be at Klone Records for fostering "talent" like Jackie's. I'm not sure who actually thought that remaking classic Carpenters' songs as tragic dance anthems was a good idea but they surely deserve some kind of medal. Jackie's renditions of "Calling Occupants" and "Close To You" are tragifabulous in the extreme. I just hope Karen isn't listening from above!

The interesting thing about Jackie Clune, well apart from her questionable taste in music, is her current position as the poster girl for reformed lesbians. Jackie was a finger licking dyke between 1988 and 2000 before deciding she needed a good pounding. I found this article from The Guardian utterly fascinating. I can understand her craving cock only too well but who decides to be gay as a political gesture in the first place? Just think of all those years of bad hair and baggy trousers when her heart really wasn't in it. Silly cunt. Since leaving the sisterhood, Jackie has popped out 4 children, appeared on Eastenders and toured in Mamma Mia. Thankfully, she somehow found time to establish herself as England's leading Karen Carpenter interpreter and joined Klone Records' galaxy of "stars".

"Calling Occupants Of Interplanetary Craft" is one of my favourite Carpenters' songs, mainly because it is so fucking ridiculous. That's probably why it lends itself so wonderfully to the Klone treatment. Jackie's version of "Calling" has become something of a cult classic since its release with good reason. It's spine-chillingly tragic. Jackie's other stunning Carpenters' cover is "Close To You", which appeared on Klone's ultra classy "Mad About The Boy 3" compilation. "Close To You" does not reach the same craptastic heights as "Calling" but it is an enjoyable dance cover. Sit back and revel in the glorious sounds of Jackie Clune!

You can purchase Jackie's brilliant singles and the "Mad About The Boy" compilations from Klone's website. They also turn up regularly on English Ebay.

Karen Carpenter's Solo Album

The Carpenters are one of my favourite groups despite the fact that their music always makes me feel blue. The pair released their fair share of sad ballads but I find their upbeat numbers equally depressing. There is just something innately melancholic about Karen Carpenter's gorgeous, golden voice. I'm probably only projecting my feelings about Karen tragic death on to her music but rainy days and The Carpenters always get me down, in a comforting kind of way - if that makes any sense. I was going to write a post about The Carpenters but Pop Trash Addicts doesn't feel like the appropriate venue. I like to focus on all things happy and shallow, so I thought I would concentrate on Karen's delightfully vapid, self-titled solo album instead.

Karen started recording her solo album in 1979 when her brother, Richard, took a break from The Carpenters. The album was recorded in New York with Phil Ramone, who was determined to show Karen in a whole new light. Karen wanted to attain a more contemporary sound and that meant experimenting with disco and the kind of pop/rock that Olivia Newton-John was riding to the top of the charts. I get the feeling that Karen was almost a little bit too eager to try new things, which results in the album sounding somewhat disjointed at times. The music itself is excellent and I'm sure a couple of the tracks could have been substantial hits. However, Richard and Karen's record company obviously didn't agree. It seems they were less than impressed with Karen's change in style and as a result, the album was shelved and gathered dust until 1996.

Listening to "Karen Carpenter" in retrospect, it is hard to believe that anyone could find the material so objectionable as to scrap the album rather than release it. Some of the song titles such as "Making Love In The Afternoon" and "Remember When Lovin' Took All Night" might have sounded somewhat risque back in the day but the song lyrics are completely harmless. The experimentation with disco is also very subtle. A handful of the songs encompass elements of disco but the music rarely leaves the safety zone of mid-tempo pop. I guess we should just be grateful that the album was eventually released. There are a couple of missteps but "Karen Carpenter" contains several gems that belong in every fan's collection. I have uploaded "If I Had You" and "My Body Keeps Changing My Mind", two of the album's most enjoyable numbers. "If I Had You" slowly builds up into a funky groove, while "My Body Keeps Changing My Mind" is a catchy, disco tinged anthem, which shows off Karen's new, saucy side.

Unfortunately, "Karen Carpenter" is yet to appear on iTunes and the CD is becoming increasingly difficult to find. Your best bet is to look for the album on Ebay or Amazon.