Pop Panel - Week 17

After last week's outrageous but thoroughly deserving winner, some semblance of class and dignity has been restored to the Pop Panel - much to my dismay! I don't mind the winner, I just think it's another overhyped blog sensation that will probably stall at #47 in the charts like Frankmusik, MPHO and all the next big things that came before it. The runner up and last place getter are much more to my liking but it's far from the worst winner in Panel history. That honour still belongs to the Norwegian cure for insomnia otherwise known as Annie! Before I introduce the judges I just want to do a little housekeeping and thank the La Toya Experience for inviting me to do a scene by scene review Toy's "Home" video along with the creator of my all time favourite website. What an honour! Ok, back to the business at hand. These regulars are back for more:

D'Luv (US) writer of Chart Rigger
Mike (Aus) author of this classy blog.
Paul (UK) writer of Fizzy Pop
Rob (UK) writer of Don't Stop The Pop
Tommie (Sweden) writer of Donna Martin Graduates

I've been thinking that the Panel could do with a feminine touch and I've managed to con two lovely ladies to join us:

Nikki (The Philippines) writer of Pop Reviews Now
Poster Girl (US) writer of Poster Girl

Nikki's fabulous blog is THE place to visit for quality K Pop appreciation and insightful reviews, while Poster Girl requires no introduction. I think we all know and love her. As usual, the results are ranked from lowest to highest.

Lovestoned - Rising Girl (Video)

Just what the world needs - Swedish reggae!

D'Luv: Swedish reggae is best left to Ace Of Base. 1.5/5
Mike: According to Rob "Rising Girl" is racist, so I guess that makes me the Australian Cheryl Cole because I'm slightly obsessed with this so utterly tragic it's brilliant reggae jam. Seriously, I don't know what's more hilarious - a blond haired, blue eyed boy singing about being from Kingston town or the fact that they're pretending to cruise around the Caribbean with a Swedish flag on their boat. I need an mp3! 5/5
Nikki: I like the guy's voice. Not a big fan of reggae either but this is kinda good. Nothing new, special or ground-breaking but it's competent - there's enough to make you want to listen through the whole song. I honestly think it's the vocals - I'd love to hear him sing Ola-like songs. 3.5/5
Paul: You have got to be fucking kidding me? No one asked for an Aswad tribute band fronted by a white boy with a faux reggae accent. Absolutely dreadful. I rescind my offer of a blowie to you for making me listen to this! 0/5
Poster Girl: I had high hopes for this project- Swedish two girl two boy pop group produced by Bassflow? I expected pure pop heaven, a late '90s throwback, so this slice of '70s reggae-pop has had me too confused to actually figure out what I think of it. The chorus hook is memorable, but that doesn't necessarily mean the song is good...nor does it being different from what I hoped for mean it's bad. I give up. Harmless but pointless, I guess. 2/5
Rob: Wrong. I think it might be a little bit racist too. 0/5
Tommie: This is just all kinds of wrong. Why are they singing about bushmen?! Nej tack. 0/5
Total: 12/35

Lasgo - Lost (Video)

Here's the comeback that no one asked for, or wanted. Except me.

D'Luv: Looks like kinder-hooker charged more leather on Daddy's platinum card and found her way into a studio again. Lucky us. 0/5
Mike: I love Lasgo. Their tacky Eurotrance sound combined with reed thin vocals courtesy of a cheap bleach blond stripper never gets old. Not their finest moment but I like it. 3/5
Nikki: Generic Eurocrap loop throughout - how many times have I heard that used? Vocals are good at most parts and the melody is verging on very good but seriously, whoever thought of using the most unoriginal loop under a great melody should be shot. 2/5
Paul: Oh great, something that will make all the chavs in Mykonos throw themselves drunkenly around the room with their arms in the air, burberry underwear on show. Dream come true. 1/5
Poster Girl: Short of Kate Ryan and Milk Inc.'s "Run," Belgian Eurodance rarely leaves much of an impression on me. "Lost" is no exception, though I'd welcome hearing its spiky synths with the voice of another singer. The cover for the single before this one was fantastic, though. 2/5
Rob: Where Sil fails Lasgo succeeds! This is how to do this sort of pop! Well done Lasgo. 3/5
Tommie: Before I listened to this I wanted to write "Lasgo - get Lost" as an easy way out to actually sitting down and actually listening to the track, but this is the type of Wigan Pier dance trash that I sadly love. 3/5
Total: 14/35

Sil - Love Don't Come Easy (Video)

This delicate flower is hoping to kick Kate Ryan to the curb as Belgium's leading dance diva.

D'Luv: I haven't heard a 47-year-old stripper with a voice this thin since Madonna's first album. 1/5
Mike: I think Sil recorded this on her trusty Commodore 64 before shooting the video on her mobile phone and whipping up the cover in Microsoft Paint. Basically, she's a diva after my own heart and I can't wait to hear her next stunning anthem! 4/5
Nikki: Annoying and boring vocals about 80% of the time, to be frank. Representative Eurocrap but it's not horrid or anything - there's just nothing to make me jump out of my seat. 2/5
Paul: Why must you torture me with these cheap broads who make videos that look like a promo for Secret Diary Of A Call Girl and then warble at me with their whisper thin vocals? Still I'm a sucker for Eurotrash like this, and it is quite catchy. And actually I never underestimate love so I feel she's speaking directly at me. 3/5
Poster Girl: Forgettable, sad Eurodance. There are some moments with interesting potential, but Sil doesn't sell any of them and the producers don't really play any of them up. Could co-writers Jewels & Stone please reclaim the song, produce it themselves, and give it to another singer? Failing that, just listen to the Cicada version instead. 1.5/5
Rob: Wow. This is boring. I am trying to find a catchy chorus in here. But it's deplete of anything of the sort. Its lacking on so many levels. I was seriously hoping all the tension in the verses would build into an amazing trancetastic chorus. Much like Trinity X's glorious "Forever". Sadly this refuses to give me what I want. 0/5
Tommie: Finally, some trash goodness! Looks like an attractive version of that Cascada chick and has the beat to match. Easily a win! 5/5
Total: 16.5/35

Jessica Mauboy - Up/Down (Below)

The 5th single from Jessica's hugely successful debut album.

D'Luv: Sounds like a Sugababes Z-side. And this broad looks like a cheap hooker who got smacked a few times with a brick. Thank goodness for fake tits. 0/5
Mike: This should be another easy top 10 hit for Jess. There are better songs on "Been Waiting" ("To The Floor" and "Let Me Be Me" come to mind) but "Up/Down" is a club banger of the highest calibre. Jessica is really working this sound as well as anyone in pop at the moment and she looks beautiful in the video. 4/5
Nikki: I love the girl, I truly do and her recent single choices have been great ("Been Waiting" was like the most brilliant thing since ever) so although I think this song's not bad, the melody's somewhat catchy and the instrumental is really percussion-based, I don't think it's an appropriate single choice. There are stronger songs on the album. The formulaic and often times effective strategy is to choose one of the ballads but this isn't THAT bad, really. 4/5
Paul: What an innovative, out there, creative, original slice of brilliance. Oh wait, no it's just Jessica. Still there's something quite decent about it isn't there in a Disney channel princess pop star sort of way. 2.5/5
Poster Girl: I've remained so generally unmoved by Jessica's second album, which seems to be pretty popular in Internet pop world. "Up/Down" is contemporary up-tempo urban pop that should appeal to me, but I've forgotten it after each play. Fine but forgettable, and I can't figure out why. 2.5/5
Rob: I have this album & I love it but I think this a slight misfire. The styling and presentation of the video is all over the place and entrenched with things we've seen all before. Liberty X did this sort of stuff a few years ago. 0/5
Tommie: Let's see - an Australian that looks like Queen Kat DeLuna's bastard sister and has an embarrassing faux-American sound? Yes, please from me! 4/5
Total: 17/35

Basement Jaxx ft. Sam Sparro - Feelings Gone (Video)

Floptastic Australian gayer joins forces with legendary UK dance outfit for this collaboration.

D'Luv: Maybe it's the cheesy-poptasticness of the song, or maybe it's Sam's new blonde hair—but this reminds me of an old-school Erasure song. And that's never a bad thing. 3/5
Mike: A disjointed mess. There are moments when I think it's all going to fall into place but it never quite clicks. I guess that's the price Basement Jaxx has to pay for slumming it with Sam Sparro. 2/5
Nikki: It's uh, very.. how do I say this nicely? The arrangement sounds like it's straight out of the 80s. Not meaning to generalize or anything but I generally (personally) don't lean towards that period of music and it just so happens that the arrangement carries the whole song. The melody's not that bad though - stick it onto a funk/old school R&B arrangement and I'd somewhat adore it. 2/5
Paul: I know I should be judging the song, but I can't get past the fact that Sam is now blonde and actually looks very enticing. I had to go relieve some tension before I could review the song, which is actually quite good isn't it? I guess the 90s is the new 80s in terms of music sound pillaging. Works for me. 3.5/5
Poster Girl: I can't stir up the emotion to get actively upset about it, but the end result of this good-in-theory collaboration is just so...uneventful. 1.5/5
Rob: I love clunky electro pop music. Takes me back to 1990 and walking down the Gay Pride marches with my mum. For sure, this is complicated but I love it. Messy pop songs are wonderful even if they don't quite "fit" or are at all fashionable. This is brilliantly euphoric. 4/5
Tommie: I love Basement Jaxx and I might be Sam Sparro's only remaining fan, but this really isn't that good is it? Average at best and both need a real banger to kick them back into relevancy. 2.5/5
Total: 18.5/35

Backstreet Boys - Straight Through My Heart (Video)

90s has-beens return with a RedOne produced jam.

D'Luv: YES. The most exciting these guys have been since their 2000 single, "Shape Of My Heart." This is the kind of shit I'll play 50 times on my iPod in a row. And love how they've swapped out Max Martin for RedOne. Viva la Sweden. 5/5
Mike: You can almost smell the desperation on these middle-aged cunts. In all fairness, this is a semi-convincing attempt at regaining some relevance but it lacks an edge that the Backstreet Boys never had to begin with. I'm giving it an extra point for the glamorous vampire who mercifully diverts attention from the less than attractive band members in the video. 3/5
Nikki: Hands-down one of the best pop songs of 2009. I've said this before - it's like they took a late 90s/early 2000s melody and slapped it onto a 2009 arrangement + instrumental. GENIUS. Enough said, really. 5/5
Paul: What is not to love about the backstreet boys? Sure they go a bit mopey maudlin and Westlife at times, but like Westlife they a) keep coming back and b) still have one member you could quite easily go for a quick bounce all around bounce with. Love this song, think it's a great blend of what they used to do and what is more current. 4/5
Poster Girl: It's less exciting than I wanted the lead single from the album that is probably the boys' last chance at any small degree of crossover modern success to be, but even if "Straight Through My Heart" is the Euro synth-coated version of MOR, 9 times out of 10 I'm going to side with this style of production over the drudgy sound of much of their last two albums. Of course, by the end of the year I'll probably think it's fantastic. 3/5
Rob: Perhaps the most boring boyband after Westlife return. With this they've done something incredibly magical: they've made RedOne sound really tepid. Give the song to JLS I am sure they'd sparkle with this tune. The boys have absolutely no emotion singing this. Its like they're reading out the bus timetable. So, I don't blame the song or RedOne. Rather, the boys themselves. 2/5
Tommie: RedOne - please go home! I'll even pay for the cab ride. 2/5
Total: 24/35

Sneaky Sound System - It's Not My Problem (Video)

A recent #1 UK club hit from one of Australia's most successful electro/dance groups.

D'Luv: Pleasant. Is that the black trannie from The Crying Game singing? 3/5
Mike: I prefer the more subtle album version but the single edit is still brilliant. Miss Connie's voice was made for this kind of bittersweet dance anthem and the juxtaposotition of acoustic guitar against the slick electro beats is beautiful. Another great track from a sorely underrated album. 5/5
Nikki: The instrumental is clearly Eurotrash (Eurocrap, as I call it) but I do like the song to a certain extent. The girl's voice isn't something you'd expect on a techno-ish song and the chorus is surprisingly not THAT techno - I like the contrast. Over-all, not that bad but not something I'd faint and/or walk through fire for. 4/5
Paul: Absolutely adore this. Wasn't expecting to, as the title sounds like a Salt n Pepa demo from 1993. This is a great indie-dance classic though with a really memorable hook and a brilliant vocal delivery. Amazing. 4.5/5
Poster Girl: Gorgeous - the best sort of acoustic-guitar-strums-meet-lush-electro production, and Miss Connie's voice is perfect for it. There could be an entire site dedicated to indie-and-pop-fan-approved brilliant Australian electro-pop, with this song as the centerpiece. 5/5
Rob: This isn't as good as it should bebut a lovely song. 3/5
Tommie: I'm still not head-over-heels with triple S, but this is nice enough. 3/5
Total: 27.5/35

SINGLE OF THE WEEK

Sound Of Arrows - Into The Clouds (Video)

Another of the 10,000 or so Swedish bands currently trying to crack the UK.

D'Luv: Absolutely perfect pop, from the melody to the chorus to the video. Sure, it sounds like MGMT meets early '90s Madchester rave, with Brett Anderson's early Suede haircut thrown on the lead singer to boot—but who cares, when it's this good? 5/5
Mike: Pretentious name? Check. Style over substance? Yep. Tainted by the curse of Flop Justice? Uh huh. I guess it's official - the poor man's Empire Of The Sun are the next big thing. Fortunately, I'm too busy listening to Sil to care. 3/5
Nikki: Not my type of voice but hey, the start of the song has potential. I hate the flute or whatever that is though - it's the wrong kind of contrast. The rest of the song is boring and the guy sounds like he's about to drop any second now - not even a hint of emotion. 1.5/5
Paul: How totally magnificent is this? Everything about this song works for me on every single level. It's dreamy, catchy, beautifully put together and remains floating in my conscious for hours after I have last heard it. So Mike, you will be absolutely thrilled to know I am giving it 5/5.
Poster Girl: They're a few years too late to arrive in the midst of the Swedish male duo electro-pop explosion, but Sound of Arrows would have stuck out as something special even in the midst of that. "Into The Clouds" is joyous, cosmic, and über sweet but so brilliantly (and electronically) produced that it sidesteps twee. You know how Little Boots started out with unicorns in space imagery? "Into The Clouds" sounds like those pictures looked. 5/5
Rob: Awww, I love this. Everything about this is beautiful. How do you create a flawless track? Listen to this. Video is perfect which is just the icing on the vanilla pie. I prefer "M.a.g.i.c" but this will be tide me over until the album comes out. Kylie should be working with the Arrows on XI. Match made in heaven methinks! 5/5
Tommie: I really like this, even if they won't go anywhere in the charts like most male Swedish bands with an 80s sound (hello Bobby, Universal Poplab, Kamera, Similou... - need I go on?). 4/5
Total: 28.5/35

Pop Panel - Week 14

It feels like I only just posted last week's Pop Panel but it's already that time again. I guess time really does fly when you're passed out on painkillers. Actually, this edition of the Panel has been one of the few bright spots in a pretty terrible week. In fact, I'd go as far as saying that it's probably my favourite Pop Panel ever. A great song won (although my heart is really with the bridesmaid), a rubbish anthem got deservedly trashed, I managed to rope in some classy guest bloggers and we have a truly amazing celebrity guest judge this week. A lot of fabulous people have volunteered their time for the Pop Panel over the past few months but this is the first (and probably only) time that a multi-million selling dance icon has joined the team - but more about her in a minute! First, I need to introduce the other judges:

D'Luv (US) writer of Chart Rigger
Mike (Aus) author of this classy blog.
Moogaboo (US) much loved contributor to Chart Rigger
Rob (UK) writer of Don't Stop The Pop
Tommie (Sweden) writer of Donna Martin Graduates
The Prophet (Aus) writer of The Prophet

It's always great to have my Swedish partner in crime on board and I'm excited to have poached D'Luv's right hand gay for this week's proceedings. But now for our celebrity guest judge! Chances are if you're over 25 and have ever set foot into a nightclub, you've probably danced to one of Gala's anthems. The strikingly beautiful Italian diva catapulted to fame in 1996 with the club classic "Freed From Desire". That song topped the charts in 8 countries, reached #2 in the UK (spending two months in the top 10) and sold over six million copies worldwide. Few tracks can claim to be genre defining but "Freed From Desire" changed the dance music landscape forever. Gala followed that up with a batch of fabulous floorfillers including the much loved gay anthem "Let A Boy Cry" and her last UK top 40 hit "Come Into My Life". Since then she has remained quite but Gala is on the precipice of a fabulous comeback with "Tough Love", her first album in over a decade, slated for release on the 6th of September. Before getting on with the votes, I took the opportunity to do some probing!

Gala, where have you been hiding? Your fans miss you!
I have been embarking on various adventures. After a period in Italy and in the UK signed to a record label that didn't release anything for 5 years, I moved back to NY where I originally wrote my first hits and where my home is now in Brooklyn. I have always been writing, creating and exploring all sorts of music and other arts; photography, video, dance, choreography, writing etc... NY is the world brought down to size, you can learn and grow from some of the most talented people here.

I love to learn. I will be an eternal student and continue to learn all my life. I am also very eclectic and dream of living in the Renaissance period where an artist could write poetry and paint and make music without having to specialize obsessively in one thing like they do now, selling an image and branding it like a Coca Cola bottle. Unfortunately these days it is necessary because nobody sells records anymore.

Is it true you're about to embark on a comeback? What can we expect from your new sound?
Yes, I am releasing my new album "Tough Love" through my independent label Matriarch Records. I don't expect millions of sales, I am aware that comes with money invested in PR. I am doing this completely independently so there is not a label pushing the release. It will be hard and challenging, but I believe that my music, done with DEDICATION, LOVE, HONESTY AND PERSEVERANCE will slowly but surely reach people. That is what I care about, reaching people.

"Freed From Desire" is a true 90s classic. Did you realise at the time that you were recording a track that would define clubbing for an entire generation?
I didn't realize it at first, but it was a personal goal to create something that would have a lasting impact. I was studying photography at the time and my goal was to create photos that in 50 years would still look timeless. For example I would photograph in black and white, because colors often give away the time period. I would photograph only faces, so that there was no reference to a time period in the clothes or the surroundings. I would try to capture 'classic' photographs.

And that is what I did when I wrote "Freed From Desire", I gained inspiration from people like Bessie Smith and a book of spirituals; things that for me are eternal. Eternal influences such as these are the basis of music. African music especially comes to mind. "Freed From Desire" was actually dedicated to an African man, his community and all they taught me.

What do you make of the current state of dance music? Who are your favorite acts?
I really don't follow new music too much, I still listen to the classics. But I would be very interested to hear YOUR favorite remixers and DJ's so perhaps my fans can collaborate with me in this elaborate internet era to create some remixes for "Tough Love". I like Basement Jaxx and Sinden as remixers, but I'm not really an expert, I listen to all sorts of music from classical and country to blues, rock, soul and dance. Sometimes I'll check out a band my friends recommend to me but I don't really follow names or the latest news and gossip. Right now I am listening to Bill Withers.

I'm sure we can recommend some good DJs! Why do you think your music has struck such a deep chord with the gay community?
I believe in bisexuality; I always wanted to bring the sexes together, I don't believe in sex roles like male and female. It is an act of feminism for me, but a lot of gay boys and girls felt a connection to what I was saying, because it was a new way of saying things, a new feminism that includes men too and their liberation - the freedom to be sensitive, 'LET A BOY CRY'!!! I suffered as a kid because I loved some of my girlfriends as much as the boys in the class, but it was 'forbidden'. I hate rules to LOVE. Rules for violence, rules for war, but not to LOVE.

Gala's latest single "Tough Love" is now available to download from iTunes. Check out the hot video below. Gala just keeps on getting sexier! The EP includes a great new rock remix of "Freed From Desire" as well as her recent European single "Faraway". I'll post more details about the album as they come to hand.

Ok, so now for the Pop Panel. As usual the songs are ranked from least to most popular. Here goes:

Mika – We Are Golden (Video)

Mika's much hyped comeback single.

D'Luv: The Feeling do it way better. 2/5
Gala: Not my kind of song, the video is fun though! 3/5
Mike: Someone force feed this skinny cunt a Big Mac - that video just turned my stomach. Mika is about as appealing as anal herpes and "We Are Golden" is no exception. 0/5
Moogaboo: So youthful. So colorful. So glam and gay and ... yeah, I hate it. I should love it but I really, really hate it, and him. Fuck off, Mika. Fuck off with your toodle-ee-OO-HOO high parts and your Freddie Mercury fetish and your shoes. Just... fuck off. 0/5
Rob: I love the Calvin Harris remix of "We Are Golden" but the original is okay. While he is still determined to bleed dry the Grange Hill theme tune I love this. 4/5
Tommie: Shite. 0/5
The Prophet: You know I've purposely avoided hearing this ever since it leaked because I hate Mika so much, and now that it's in the Pop Panel I have no choice, so here goes. *3 minutes later*. I was so angry because I started liking this, but the "we are golden" part ruined it all for me. 2/5
Total: 11/35

Madonna – Celebration (Video)

The lead single from Madonna's upcoming greatest hits compilation.

D'Luv: Shameless plug - MoogaBoo and I did a whole Madge banterview this week on Chart Rigger. It's nice to hear the old broad having fun again. This is better than at least 10 of the other singles she's released this decade. 3/5
Gala: Nothing new. As a kid, I listened to Prince... but I never bought a Madonna album only the 45 of "True Blue", the only song that to me sounded "true" from the heart. I think she was really in love for the first time when she dedicated it to Sean. Who knows... but that's what I thought. All her songs are good because they make us dance and I appreciate that, but this is really nothing new. Another money maker; as usual, still the material girl. I'm impressed by real rebellion and spirit, like Bob Marley when he performed. He connected with something that inspired him, not at all concerned about looks. Whereas Madonna is ALL about appearences. 3/5 Mike: I've been referring to this crap as a Dannii B-side for weeks but I think that's an insult. To Dannii. Even she would steer clear of a spent force like Paul Oakenfold. Sad and pathetic. 1/5
Moogaboo: Madonna always mines the underground for high-minded, artsy inspiration, so it's no surprise she'd turn to Queen of the Clubs Dannii Minogue in her latest bid for continued relevance. Flattering though it must be for Dannielle Jane, the rip-off is a bit shameless. What next, Koala Cupcakes for Malawi? 3/5
Rob: Mike compares this to Dannii. I compare it to Mel C's "I Turn To You" which is ten years old this year. Happy Birthday! Despite the awful lyrics, this is a really good song. Well done Madonna. 3/5
Tommie: Lame. Someone get this Alzheimer hag a dictionary! 0/5
The Prophet: I actually don't mind some of her music but I just hate her personality. The song is pretty catchy but I don't support it since it sounds like a damn remix and not an actual song. It's also way gay, like as in obviously gay I'm dying for a hit gay. 2/5
Total: 15/35

Sneaky Sound System & Tiesto – I Will Be Here (Video)

Sneaky Sound System team up with one of the world's biggest DJs for this floorfiller.

D'Luv: ...and I'll be way over there. 1.5/5
Gala: The music is not interesting, it's like noise to me... but the guy can move... I like that!!! Original dance moves and music video. 2/5
Mike: Finally an anthem! I don't care what the rest of the Panel thinks, this is one of my favourite songs of 2009. Miss Connie delivers a killer vocal and I love the uplifting yet still slightly depressing chorus. The production is typical Tiesto but I'm all for the return of trance. 5/5
Moogaboo: So this is music for, like, computer tech assistants who want to kill themselves, right? Listening to it once has filled me with the urge to fix a screen saver, then throw myself in front of a bullet train. 1/5
Rob: Wow. The return of Infernal. Only crappier and more boring. 0/5
Tommie: This will be fun to have lesbian romp to in Ibeefa! Dannii's already having secretions thinking about it! 3/5
The Prophet: Hot. I'd give this a spin if I was in a mood for this type of music. 3.5/5
Total: 16/35

Pixie Lott – Boys & Girls (Video)

The follow up to Pixie's #1 hit "Mama Do".

D'Luv: It's like someone injected Duffy with whore and then tasered her snatch till she agreed to wear Samantha Fox's leather jacket. 0.5/5
Gala: Good photography in the video, very trendy, fashionable, like a Details magazine. The song is fun, but she is too girly blonde for me. Doesn't add anything to what I see in fashion magazines. She's not daring. 3/5
Mike: "Mama Do" was a cure for insomnia, so the fact that this doesn't make me sleepy is a step in the right direction. I like the video and her saucy image but the song is very average. The chorus is too bland and her voice utterly generic. 2/5
Moogaboo: Like Pixie, I'm a whore for anything with a tambourine in it. Just kidding! I'm sure she obtained this song chastely. The video copies the Lady GaGa look a bit more successfully than Mumsy Imbruglia's offering, and it also contains one cute guy. That's all it takes. 4/5
Rob: This is the kind of music that Heidi (of the Sugababes) should be turning out rather than the paltry RedOne crap she's been reduced to singing. Okay, this ticks all the boxes. Amazing choreography, great song and great lyrics. I have been Pixied. One note of caution: hate the Skins-esq finish to the video. It looks like a smelly nightclub in Hoxton, London. Which is fine but seeing that kind of trope enter pop videos is weird seeing as I live in Hoxton and the skinny-jeans clones you see walking up Shoreditch High Street sometimes make you wince inside. So, in short love everything about this but the video and styling. 5/5
Tommie: Why so much shite this week, Mike? Do you hate me that much? 1/5
The Prophet: Yeah she's cute, but brit pop sucks unless it has the trash factor amped up. And was the GaGa swagga jacking and sitting in a teacup really necessary? 2.5/5
Total: 18/35

Natalie Imbruglia – Wild About It (Above)

A "promo" single from Natalie's soon to be released 4th album.

D'Luv: I'm always game for new Natalie music ever since she won me over with "White Lilies Island". This is getting royally trashed by folks online, but I don't mind it. Not her best, but better than Mika screeching in a G-string. 3/5
Gala: Bland. 2/5
Mike: Someone needs to put this sad cougar down. "Wild About It" is further proof that her younger sister Laura got all the talent, while Natalie was just blessed with an unprecedented ability to publicity whore. 1/5
Moogaboo: I normally love mid-tempo songs about being "wild," but this one raises too many questions. What is Natalie doing cleaning up after those kids? Why do they let her hang out with them? Does she buy them beer? What the hell is she thinking? 2/5
Rob: The more I hear this the more I love it. It's certainly a grower. I don't like "Want" but this is glorious. The video is brilliant too. 4/5
Tommie: I've never been a huge fan of Ms I'mfuglia but I'm excited about her new material. It's surprisingly good! 4/5
The Prophet: Absolute mess, but at least it isn't as bad as "Glorious". I didn't realise how lame she was until I picked up her greatest 'hits' during an impulse buy and I've had to live with the awful memories of that horrid day ever since. 1.5/5
Total: 18.5/35

Paloma Faith – New York (Video)

The second single from Paloma's hit debut album.

D'Luv: I didn't realize there were any scraps left on Amy Winehouse's corpse for these chunky skanks to chew on. 2/5
Gala: Amy Winehouse was last year. It looks like a caricature of Amy. Good voice, great hair color and style. The boy is cute and WHO DOESN'T LOVE NEW YORK!!! Good title too. 3/5
Mike: This is every bit as derivative as Eva Simons' stunning effort last week but apparently it's ok to be an amoral swagga jackin' thief if you stick to ripping off Amy Winehouse and her army of second rate clones. 0/5
Moogaboo: Somebody get this girl to Broadway!!! For real -- get her there and lock her up in a new, endless revival of Grease 2, where she can't hurt us with her strained metaphors, Winehouse-lite torching or her bowling. (Seriously, BOWLING is an acceptable concept for videos now?) 1/5
Rob: Haunting, beautiful and iconic. Nearly everything about this is perfect. I don't think Paloma will ever manage to convey the tragedy that the lyrics she writes demand but this is absolutely stunning. I think the problem with Paloma is her voice. She can't do ballads or sad songs. She is more of a "I Will Survive" kinda vocalist. She can't quite capture fragility despite the amazing inclusion of the gospel, the strings and gorgeous overall melody of the song. I love this but I feel another female singer might have suited Paloma's song more than the writer herself. 5/5
Tommie: I was expecting to hate this, but the intro reminds me of Twin Peaks and the whole song is really gorgeous! But I'm a sucker for a twinkly piano. 4/5
The Prophet: Smash! 5/5
Total: 20/35

Samantha Jade – Secret (Video)

This plucky Australian diva tries to crack America with her latest pop jam.

D'Luv: Something tells me this helium-voiced stripper's talents lie elsewhere, like in being able to touch her ears with her toes. 1/5
Gala: I like the song, but we have Britney already, why do we need another? I don't like girls who imitate porn stars. You can be sexy without selling sex. I like women like Annie Lennox, that's more my style. 2/5
Mike: Oh bless her. It seems like Samantha has been hailed as Australia's next pop superstar since Dannii had all her original body parts. "Secret" probably isn't going to be the song that does it for her either but this is still a faux Britney trash anthem of the highest calibre. The video's subtle gay subtext is also really clever and completely unexpected. I love her. 5/5
Moogaboo: Samantha knows how to work it like a slut fatale, with relentlessly sexy synth stabs and a vocal performance just shy of meowing for three minutes. This song is super catchy and, most importantly, super slutty and trashy and fun. Is she really trying to make it in the States? We can only hope! 5/5
Rob: This is mental. I don't know where to start with this. The song is boring. The video is weird. Is it a social comentary on the 1950's & 60's were gay men had to hide their sexuality or they'd face prosecution? A time when the police would round men up after crashing "queer" jazz venues and question their right to exist? It certainly looks like it. It's a shame about the song being so utterly boring as I can't provide marks for the video rather primarily the songs. So with a heavy heart, I give this 1/5.
Tommie: A cheap hooker singing a "Womanizer" rip-off? I love it. 5/5
The Prophet: I hate that I love this but I'm literally obsessed with it. "Somebody's got a little secret!" Love it! 4.5/5
Total: 23.5/35

SINGLE OF THE WEEK

The Gossip – Love Long Distance (Below)

Beth Ditto & co return for the 2nd single from "Music For Men".

D'Luv: Much like when a hooker cries, I'd never pay for this but I don't mind hearing it. 3/5
Gala: I LOVE BETH DITTO GOSSIP! She is the closest to my spirit and we actually have friends in common here in NY. She is powerful and free, I love women like her... A true rock and roll FEMINIST. 5/5
Mike: I dream of spoon feeding Beth scoop after scoop Häagen-Dazs before sensuously rubbing baby oil into all her nooks and crannies. She is a diva that deserves to be worshipped. As for the song, I don't love it as much as "Heavy Cross" but a Fred Falke remix would jazz it up no end. 4/5
Moogaboo: Okay, either my Skyy & Diet is kicking in or she's deliberately sounding like Lady Miss Kier. Love her now. This song is a disco monster. Minus one point for doing that "she's fat so let's disguise her in the video" thing. (Even if they do it in an adorable way). 4/5
Rob: It's nice to hear The Gossip step out of the box they've constructed for themselves. However does it make it any good? No. It starts ever so promising but you soon realize they've got nothing more to give. It transcends into boring. 2/5
Tommie: I'm not a huge fan of the fat bitch, but this is... okay. 2.5/5
The Prophet: Another smash from one of my faves. Not only is the song amazing but the video is incredible to! Love them. 5/5
Total: 25.5/35