The Best Of Pop Panel

I posted my 20th Pop Panel last Sunday and promised to celebrate in style this week. The whole point of the Panel was to create something fun and collaborative with other like-minded bloggers, so I couldn't think of a better way of commemorating the past 20 weeks than by inviting back all the guest judges to help decide 2009's ultimate pop song. Basically, I asked everyone to choose the five best tracks from our 20 winners. Their favourite was assigned 5 points, their second choice 4 points, their third pick 3 points and so forth. As it turns out the votes were pretty evenly spread out but there was a runaway winner. I'm keeping my trap shut but I'm not particularly surprised by the outcome. The blogoshpere is nothing if not predictable! Anyway, before we get on with the countdown I'd like to thank all the celebrity judges that took part over the past 5 months (James Leon, Jonah, CC Martini, Courtney Act, Gala, Peter Wilson, Nat from RAEN, Alan Connor, Robyn Loau and Marc Massive) as well as all the bloggers that have kindly volunteered their time. The following have returned to determine the best song ever to rock the Pop Panel:

Aaron (AUS) writer of Fabtastic! Music
Blake (AUS) writer of Dark Cafe Daze
Bomitoni (US) writer of Milk Carton Pop Stars
David (Spain) writer of Cobrastyle
D'Luv (US) writer of Chart Rigger
Enric (Spain) writer of Blog Petit, Però Valent!
Gordon (Scotland) writer of Diva Incarnate
Guy (AUS) writer of Pop Frippery
Jay (England) writer of Postcards From Puerto Rico
Jennifer (US) writer of Adventures Of An Audio Diva
John (US) writer of Pop Music Notes
Ken (The Philippines) writer of The Beat Review
Mike (AUS) author of this classy blog!
Moogaboo (US) contributor to Chart Rigger
Nasty G (Canada) writer of The Isle Of Deserted Pop Stars
Nikki (The Philippines) writer of Pop Reviews Now
Pablo (Spain) writer of Peibols
Paul (England) writer of Fizzy Pop
Poster Girl (US) writer of Poster Girl
Rob (England) writer of Don't Stop The Pop
The Prophet (AUS) writer of The Prophet
Tommie (Sweden) writer of Donna Martin Graduates
Tony (Spain) writer of Tornado

By the way, a special thanks to Pablo for helping me out with the amazing banners. As usual, the songs are listed from least to most popular.



20. Preston – Dressed To Kill (Winner Pop Panel 12)

I'm not surprised Preston came last. It's definitely one of our least appealing winners and flopped worse than Dannii. That week was far more memorable for the cat fight in the comments. No offence to the people he routinely offends but I kind of miss The Prophet. Just don't tell him or his Kanye West sized ego will explode!

2 Points



19. Passion Pit – The Reeling (Winner Pop Panel 2)

I love Passion Pit but this is definitely one of our most random winners. I'm always slightly disturbed when something cool wins Pop Panel and it doesn't get more hip than these guys. Nikki Webster was robbed!

3 Points



18. Chae Yeon - Shake (Winner Pop Panel 8)

I still can't believe Chae won! She remains our only non-English language victor and one of my favourite winners. "Shake" has a killer chorus and an extremely classy toilet-tastic video clip that was banned in Korea.

4 Points



17. Shena – My Fantasy (Winner Pop Panel 5)

I loved Week 5. My homegirl CC Martini was an extremely classy guest judge and Shena came out of nowhere to take first place. Like many winners, the song didn't set the charts on fire but it's something of a pop trash classic - so I'm happy.

5 Points



16. Empire Of The Sun – Standing On The Shore (Winner Pop Panel 6)

This was my short lived "Australian Week" which went down like a lead balloon! I was scraping the bottom of the barrel with some of the selections but I wholeheartedly approve of the winner.

6 Points



15. Bluey Robinson – I Know (Winner Pop Panel 11)

This is my third favourite Pop Panel winner. I love everything about it - from the beautiful lyrics to the lush urban meets electro production. Unfortunately, I seem to be the only one given the fact that Bluey seems to have disappeared without a trace.

7 Points



14. Kim Sozzi – Feel Your Love (Winner Pop Panel 18)

This gives me the giggles. I love Kim and her fabulous do-it-yourself video clip. One of the few occasions when a true pop trash anthem won. As a life long Girlfriend fan, having Robyn Loau as a guest judge that week was a real honour.

8 Points



13. Bag Raiders – Shooting Stars (Winner Pop Panel 15)

Despite slipping in at least a couple of homegrown acts each week, this was the only time (with the exception of Australian Week) when local talent actually won. I love the song, I love the clip, I love their animated bulges. This has been hanging around the iTunes top 100 for months. I hope their next single gives them the commercial breakthrough they deserve.

13 Points



12. LeToya – She Ain't Got Shit On Me (Winner Pop Panel 9)

Beyonce appeared on the Pop Panel 3 times and the best she could do was second place. Her floptastic ex-band mate LeToya, however, claimed the title with this catchy tune. I love it but shame about the rest of her shit album.

14 Points



11. The Gossip – Love Long Distance (Winner Pop Panel 14)

Pop Panel 14 sticks in my mind as the week reclusive 90s gay icon Gala came out of retirement to be a guest judge. Her rambling comments still make me smile and I'm glad her favourite song won. I am, however, slightly surprised by its relatively high position on this countdown.

17 Points



10. Dragonette – Pick Up The Phone (Winner Pop Panel 19)

Marc Massive really won a lot of new fans with his appearance on the Pop Panel. I loved his Whitney Houston appreciation (respect!) and piss club stories. Dragonette scooped the pool that week and I think they deserved it. This has grown on me no end and their album is amazing.

17 Points



9. Heidi Montag – Body Language (Winner Pop Panel Week 16)

Only on the Pop Panel would Heidi Montag place higher than Dragonette, The Gossip, Empire Of The Sun and Passion Pit! And rightly so. This is my second favourite Pop Panel victor and I think it should at least be top 5 on this countdown. As usual Heidi's musical genius is denied by her deluded army of haters. It's time to open your heart to the new Queen of pop!

19 Points



8. The Sound Of Arrows – Into The Clouds (Winner Pop Panel 17)

I still don't get the fuss over this. Sure, the video is pretty but the song sounds like a La Roux B-Side.

20 Points



7. Marina & The Diamonds – I Am Not A Robot (Winner Pop Panel 7)

"I Am Not A Robot" got my five points as the best Pop Panel winner. I love Marina. Her lyrics cut straight through me, her blog is an endless source of amusement and she's one of the nicest people I've had the pleasure of interviewing. Week 7 was also special due to the presence of Australian Idol's classiest competitor - the divine Miss Courtney Act!

22 Points



6. The Saturdays – Work (Winner Pop Panel 4)

Yawn. I have no idea how this dire piece of trash won, let alone how it ended up featuring this high on the countdown. I mean, really.

25 Points


5. Shakira – She Wolf (Winner Pop Panel 10)

I'm still obsessed with this stunning anthem. I blame the sordid vagina cave video! It's nice to see that the song has found an loyal audience despite flopping in Australia and underperforming in the US.

28 Points


4. Sugababes – Get Sexy (Winner Pop Panel 13)

I quite like this but I'm shocked at its lofty position on this countdown given that it had the lowest score of all the winners. Maybe people are feeling a bit sentimental in the wake of Keisha-gate?

29 Points


3. Annie – Anthonio (Winner Pop Panel 1)

I swear people just voted for this to annoy me. The most insipid piece of trash ever to grace the Pop Panel somehow glides into third place. I guess there really is a market for tuneless jams performed by ugly Scandinavians with less vocal ability than Cheryl Cole.

30 Points


2. Whitney – Million Dollar Bill (Winner Pop Panel 20)

I'm ecstatic that Whitney did so well! Given the less than flattering comments about the song last week I was expecting this to struggle but love for the patron saint of crackpipes still burns brightly among the Pop Panel judges! I wish this had won but you can't have everything.

32 Points


1. Agnes – Release Me (Winner Pop Panel 3)

I originally gave "Release Me" 0/5 when it appeared on the Pop Panel but I've come clean about how much the song has grown on me. But the best song in Panel history? Computer says Whitney was robbed. On the bright side, at least it wasn't Annie. Pop Panel 3 is also notable for being the only time we moved over to Don't Stop The Pop and for Jonah's classy comments.

41 Points

Here's the new American video for "Release Me". Seriously, have they painted her black to cash in on the urban market? Someone call Oprah!

THE VOTING:

Aaron (1. Agnes 2. Whitney 3. The Sugababes 4. The Saturdays 5. Shakira)
Blake (1. Gossip 2. Agnes 3. Shakira 4. Whitney 5. Dragonette)
Bomitoni (1. Whitney 2. LeToya 3. The Gossip 4. Bag Raiders 5. Heidi Montag)
David (1. Annie 2. Dragonette 3. Sugababes 4. Sound Of Arrows 5. Agnes)
D'Luv (1. Sound Of Arrows 2. Bag Raiders 3. Shakira 4. Annie 5. Dragonette)
Enric (1. Annie 2. Sugababes 3. Shakira 4. Passion Pit 5. Sound Of Arrows)
Gordon (1. Dragonette 2. Agnes 3. Whitney 4. Shakira 5. LeToya)
Guy (1. Shakira 2. The Gossip 3. Heidi Montag 4. Whitney 5. Sugababes)
Jay (1. Le Toya 2. Sugababes 3. Shena)
Jennifer (1. Marina 2. Whitney 3. Dragonette 4. The Saturdays 5. The Gossip)
John (1. Agnes 2. LeToya 3. The Gossip 4. Whitney 5. Bag Raiders)
Ken (1. The Saturdays 2. Marina 3. Agnes 4. Empire Of The Sun 5. Passion Pit)
Mike (1. Marina 2. Heidi Montag 3. Bluey Robinson 4. Chae Yeon 5. Whitney)
Moogaboo (1. Annie 2. Bag Raiders 3. Kim Sozzi 4. Shakira 5. The Gossip)
Nasty G (1. Sugababes 2. The Saturdays 3. Shakira 4. Preston 5. Kim Sozzi)
Nikki (1. The Saturdays 2. Agnes 3. Sugababes 4. Chae Yeon 5. Sound Of Arrows)
Pablo (1. Agnes 2. Annie 3. The Saturdays 4. Sugababes 5. Dragonette)
Paul (1. Marina 2. Shakira 3. Sound Of Arrows 4. Whitney 5. Annie)
Poster Girl (1. Agnes 2. Sound Of Arrows 3. Heidi Montag 4. Annie 5. Shakira)
Robpop (1. Agnes 2. Empire Of The Sun 3. The Saturdays 4. Shena 5. Sound Of Arrows)
The Prophet (1. Whitney 2. Bluey Robinson 3. Heidi Montag 4. Bag Raiders 5. Annie)
Tommie (1. Heidi Montag 2. Kim Sozzi 3. Marina 4. Whitney 5. Shakira)
Tony (1. Annie 2. Sugababes 3. Sound Of Arrows 4. Dragonette 5. The Saturdays)

Pop Panel - Week 20

I really can't believe this is the 20th Pop Panel. I'll do something a bit special to celebrate that semi-disturbing achievement next week but I'm still buzzing about actually having a great winner for a change. My faves don't usually win but they came in first and second this week, so I think I should go and buy a lottery ticket. As for the rest of the field, well it's pretty fucking boring. Particularly the disgusting excuse for a pop star that came in last. Seriously, I'll need to disinfect Pop Trash Addicts after featuring that SKANK WHORE on my blog! Ok, rant over. The following bloggers helped me determine our 20th single of the week:

D'Luv (US) writer of Chart Rigger
Mike (Aus) author of this classy blog.
Paul (UK) writer of Fizzy Pop
Poster Girl (US) writer of Poster Girl
Rob (UK) writer of Don't Stop The Pop
Tommie (Sweden) writer of Donna Martin Graduates

In addition to those regulars, I've also roped in the services of:

Ken (The Philippines) writer of The Beat Review

Ken's blog is treasure trove of news, information and fabulous pop reviews. I highly recommend it to everyone! As usual, the results are ranked from lowest to highest.

Cheryl Cole – Fight For This Love (Video)

The biggest CUNT in pop finally releases her long threatened KKK approved debut solo single.

D'Luv: Christ. I finally have to sit down and listen to this song? Oh, wait — she's wearing vinyl leopard print. Ah, well... Not bad. Somewhere between boring and brilliant. 3/5
Ken: Oh oh, Cheryl. I've been a solid fan of Girls Aloud from the beginning but I'm surely not sure about Cheryl going solo. As I've said before, the single doesn't give anything but a generic love pop song. It's definitely not something we'd be stunned or shocked about it being so unique and fresh. The video is good but it's still very uncertain of her eligibility for solo superstardom. 3/5
Mike: How many black toilet attendants had to be beaten in order to make this utterly vile piece of trash? I'm disgusted and appalled by each and every second of this monstrosity. -5/5
Paul: Well, she may well be my least favourite Girls Aloud but I really was expecting this to be a lot better than it is. I would have begrudgingly admitted that she had done quite well and probably secretly enjoyed the song. This though, well it's just so bleh. Just putters along as Cheryl tries ever so hard to sound a bit R'n'B and gruesomely fails. The lyrics might have connected a lot better with the public if she had released it 2 years ago when Ashley was wanging his knob around town. Dull, dull, dull - although an excellent choice of comeback song (along with "Beat Again") for Chris Brown... 1.5/5
Poster Girl: There's definitely something sweet about this American-sounding pop-R&B song, right down to the music box notes that creep in to join the synths, but joined with Cheryl's voice, it comes across as pretty blandness. Of course, if Jesse McCartney released it, I'd probably be raving about it. 2/5
Rob: I love this. It's clear Cheryl has realized what she can do and more crucially what she can't. This slice of urban-lite pop will go down well today but if you listen to the No Angels new album you'll realize this might be been one of their rejects. It's nothing unique, original or special but it's sweet and isn't as offensive as it could have been. 4/5
Tommie: Ugh, where did this talentless WHORE find this track? In Madonna's "wanna-sound-like-Rihanna" reject bin? WHOREribble. "Fight For KKK" has to be the worst track ever! -5/5
Total: 3.5/35

JLS – Everybody In Love (Video)

X Factor rejects follow up their #1 hit "Beat Again".

D'Luv: Abysmal. 0.5/5
Ken: I'm actually not surprised on how this one sounds. I unconditionally love 'Beat Again' before and I have to admit, I've already been a fan of them after just one single. The outcome of the song is actually very predictable, you know, the typical 'boy band' song that they should sing. This is the epitome of what a boy band should be nowadays if they want recognition. I so want JLS to succeed and I think 'Everybody In Love' is a brilliant choice. 4/5
Mike: And I thought "Beat Again" scraped the bottom of the barrel. 0/5
Paul: Ah, for me, the real winners of last years show. "Beat Again" wasn't anything outstanding but it was slickly produced and eminently likeable. And so is this although far more generic boyband than "Beat Again" was. There's nothing wrong with this track per se and I do like it a lot, but I can't help but feel they could have done something a bit more daring. Marvin's arms in the video though?! Humina humina humina! 3.5/5
Poster Girl: "Everybody In Love" sounds like a song I'll have forgotten or be mixing up with other songs in a couple of years, but I wouldn't rush to change the radio station if it came on. Still, is it so much to ask for a boy band whose music is exciting? 3/5
Rob: Another Level anyone. Boring. 0/5
Tommie: I'm sure the teenage girls will cream their panties over this, but it's really not for me. It does remind me a bit of that 90s boyband sound though... 2/5
Total: 13/35

Michael Buble – Haven't Me You Yet (Video)

The lead single from the Canadian crooner's latest offering.

D'Luv: Seriously, has Sara Bareilles sued him yet? I'd still bang Michael Buble sideways, even though his chin disappears a little more with each album. 2/5
Ken: Ohh. This is a cute one. Never paid attention to Michael's new material and I actually regret it. Anyways, it's a feel-good song that resembles his former hit "Everything". I love that Michael's sticking to his material. The outcome is great but not that special or anything. I love the way it is done, very uplifting and meaningful. 3.5/5
Mike: I have a disturbing Michael Buble fixation. I hate his music but I would eat him up with a spoon and ask for seconds. There's no denying that this song is utter shit though. 1/5
Paul: Love the Boob! Although he may never top the career pinacle of appearing on Kath and Kim, this is a surprisingly radio friendly that reminds me of Boyzone circa 1999. It's very singable, very catchy and as always he looks rather delicious. I think the more that I hear this the more I am going to like it... 4/5
Poster Girl: Look, if you 100% hate that Rat Pack swing style done by modern performers, you're not going to like this, but this is looking to be the first Michael Buble song I buy - it's a pretty good attempt at creating a song which sounds like an old, oft-covered song of that style. I know I'm spending most of my time this week complaining about a lack of excitement and edge, but sometimes, just sometimes, a strong enough song is enough. No Westlife cover, though, please. 3.5/5
Rob: Ever so cheesy. This really reminds me of Neo (of Sweden) and Mika (of UK). Is this a totally a bad thing? No, not at all. 4/5
Tommie: No. Am I still on Pop Trash Addicts or am I getting more cracked out than Whitney? 0/5
Total: 18/35

Alicia Keys – Doesn't Mean Anything (Video)

The lead single from Alicia's 4th album.

D'Luv: Talk about someone who's made a little go a long way. This broad's voice and same-y piano tinkling are so mediocre, grating and forgettable, I can't believe how people still buy into Clive Davis' trumped-up hype for her. Waste of time. 0/5
Ken: Sounds like a re-work of "No One". Having said that, it's still okay not in the sense that it gets boring. I love that it sounds like a ballad and has a wonderful meaning. But honestly speaking, I think it isn't time for her to have a comeback. Maybe next year would be a great idea. The final word - JUST OKAY. 2/5
Mike: I'm a huge fan of Alicia's. She's an old school soul singer and really knows how to strike a nerve with her amazing lyrics. Unfortunately, this falls well short of "No One" but it's still soft and lovely. 4/5
Paul: I guess we know which song will be all over next years X Factor auditions then! It's actually quite a lovely little song with a great chorus. Simple as that. 4/5
Poster Girl: I know people talk about Alicia Keys as a good songwriter - and that because of that and her voice she doesn't need gimmicks or flashy production - but everything I've heard from her last album up to now has gone in one ear and out the other. I feel the beginning of pulling on my heartstrings as she sings the title line, but that's it. 1.5/5
Rob: I always sigh with Alicia Keys. Only because she's musically very shy. It's always the same old story. That doesn't take away the magic of the song. It's a brilliant track. Has the potential to be absolutely epic at times. Thing is, her first album set such a standard and I just don't think she's actually moved beyond that. She's reproducing the same record with every release. Is this a bad thing? The record sales would suggest the record company would scream "hell no". But I just become indifferent and rather numb despite the fact that she's providing great material. 4/5
Tommie: I'm not sure if I've been brainwashed with her writing Whitney's latest smash hit single, but this is quite good and I say this as someone who never cared for her past singles. 3/5
Total: 18.5/35

Mariah – I Want To Know What Love Is (Above)

Mimi covers Foreigner. Enough said.

D'Luv: Now, I thought I was gonna like this. But after a few listens, it just sounds like karaoke by an ok singer. Plus, it's flopping harder than Glitter here in the States. Mimi's problem is she can't decide if she wants to be an urban artist or an adult contemporary balladeer. You can't have it both ways, alas, in this fickle market. I think in the end, she's alienated her fans on either side of those genres by flip-flopping too much. Maybe she should just record her tits smacking together and hit the whistle register one last time. Surefire hit! 2/5
Ken: I was absolutely shocked when I heard she'll be making a cover of that classic Foreigner single. It's surprising that it's very different from the painful sounding "Obsessed" and she somehow returned to her glorious era. I love the way it sounded but not sure about it's commercial success. Maybe if she'll be singing more kinds of this one, then maybe I'll get back my interest in her. 3/5
Mike: Everyone knows I love Mariah but this stillborn cover is a giant snooze. I'm still giving her 3/5 though 'cause I'm terrified of irrate lambs!
Paul: It's like she has unslutted herself now she has bagged the America's Got Talent dude. She's back to the wavy hair and doing big ballads that fit nicely along older tracks such as "Without You" and "I'll Be There". This could have been really syrupy and awful (and maybe it is but i'm not seeing it), however it comes across beautifully - love the key change! 4/5
Poster Girl: When Nick Lachey covered Take That's "Patience," my first thought was "good job on the part of the person in charge of putting holds on possible songs for Nick, but just because it sounds like a song he'd sing doesn't mean he should have released an unnecessary, inferior-to-the-original cover in an attempt to get his album campaign to take off." Ditto all that for Mariah, though at least her cover isn't as awful as his. 3/5
Rob: A nice cover. I like it. She doesn't do too much embellishment. A weird choice for a single but it's not gonna move mountains. 3.5/5
Tommie: I love Mariah but what is her record company thinking with reverting her back to early 90s? "I Want To Know What Love Is" is nice enough, but Mimi can do better than a cover these days. Really. 2.5/5
Total: 21/35

Alexandra Burke ft. Flo Rida – Bad Boys (Video)

Last year's X Factor winner unveils her debut single.

D'Luv: Someone (Cowell, Simon) wants this to be an American hit bad. Still, it's pretty good. Much more tuneful that Keri Hilson, who Alexandra reminds me of a tad in the vid. 3.5/5
Ken: I have to admit, this track has made me change my idea of her debut. It started very slow for me and I eventually now like the track. Although this isn't my idea of Alexandra's massive debut, I'd say it did a pretty good job when it comes to likability. But I'm scared about her being just sexy and not having songs of substance. Although it's early to say that, let's wait for her album. 3.5/5
Mike: Alexandra has even less personality than Leona Lewis (if that's humanly possible) but someone has dug out a genuinely catchy chorus for her. Shame about the shit verses and disjointed rap interlude. 3/5
Paul: I really expected not to like it when it first came out, and then the utter shock that Simon Cowell had allowed an X Factor winner to release an uptempo first single "proper" sort of overwhelmed me a bit and I initially thought it was very good indeed. Time and sanity returned and it's actually not bad but not really brilliant. The Bimbo Jones mix which edits out Flo Rida is much better than the single mix. 3/5
Poster Girl: I think it was Popjustice that made the "Some Girls" meets "Womanizer" comparison, and it's one I agree with, with the caveat that "Bad Boys" sheds any darkness either of those songs in favor of pure fun. I'm always going to have a big weakness for this type of song, but I haven't grown tired of "Bad Boys" at all - in fact, it's one of the songs on my personal A-list at the moment. 5/5
Rob: I really didn't like this at first only because I think the song doesn't test her voice. But it's a rather catchy little ditty. Quite like it now. It's a grower. 4/5
Tommie: Well, at least it's different from Leona. But not as amazing as Leona, sadly. 1/5
Total: 23/35

Black Eyed Peas – Meet Me Halfway (Video)

The third single from "The E.N.D."

D'Luv: Seriously, has Cyndi Lauper sued them yet? Probably the best Black Eyed Peas single ever, though, as with most of the singles from The E.N.D., I start off liking them until about their 8th week at #1, then I want to put a nail gun to my forehead. 3.5/5
Ken: Ugh. It's ugly in every sense compared to "Boom Boom Pow" and "I Gotta Feeling". I was expecting something groovy like "Imma Be" or "Electric City". It's totally boring and I don't get why they have been #1 in the US for 6 months. What's up with that? Do people actually still like "Boom Boom Pow" and "I Gotta Feeling" at this point? 0/5
Mike: This is one of the best pop songs of 2009 and clearly the standout track on "The E.N.D." after "I Gotta Feeling". I love the 80s-tastic beats and the romantic sentiment. Fergie has never sounded lovelier. 5/5
Paul: Ugh. So, so, so bored of them. I didn't particularly love their current US number one song so I'm baffled by it's longevity. This will probably be the song to knock it off the top. "Girl I travelled round the world and even sailed the seven seas"! Which greeting card did they steal that from?! 2/5
Poster Girl: Fergie's '80s-tastic chorus carries the song, but it's so good that who cares? 4/5
Rob: Amazing. Usually I would love for the boys in the band to take a total backseat and just produce the records. Let Fergie take the spotlight. But this one of their rarer singles in which the collective actually works to boost the quality of the song. Here they sound like a group. I love it. 4.5/5
Tommie: If anyone haven't gotten the memo yet - the Black Eyed Peas are on fire. Listen to it three times and try to resist it. 4/5
Total: 23/35

SINGLE OF THE WEEK

Whitney – Million Dollar Bill (Video)

The 3rd official lead single from Whitney's much hyped comeback album.

D'Luv: I've said before this song is ok, and my opinion hasn't really changed much. I'm more interested in trying to figure out if Whixxxey's had anything more done to her face than botox. Something's not right there. Can't quite put my finger on it, though. 3/5
Ken: I've been actually apathetic about Miss Whitney's comeback. It's the first song I've heard from her new album and I'm actually liking it. It's actually catchy and very contemporary, I just hope she gets the right praise for this because she kind of deserves a nice comeback and 'Million Dollar Bill' is a good answer to those people questioning her abilities of pulling it off. Kudos Whitney! 4/5
Mike: Alicia Keys writes new lyrics to an old Loleatta Holloway disco classic and the result is Whitney's best single in a decade. I love the production, the lyrics and Nippy's swagger. Sublime. 5/5
Paul: Love this. Love it, love it, love it. Yes Alicia may not have done as much of the writing as she claims, but it's a glorious upbeat tune that is both elegant and understated. Great chorus that fits well into the Whitney dance canon and the freemasons mix is just heaven on a stick. 4/5
Poster Girl: Not classic Whitney, but a respectable comeback song. 2.5/5
Rob: Wow, very retro. Love it! Very Randy Crawford. 4/5
Tommie: What? An upbeat track by a 40 plus woman that doesn't sound utterly desperate to be hip? Classic Whitney and genius sample. 5/5
Total: 27.5/35

Pop Panel - Week 19

After receiving a barrage of emails over the "shit song choices" last week, I thought I'd go mainstream this time around and just include a bunch of the biggest new releases laced with a touch of trash to keep me sane. The selection actually contains two of my favourite songs of 2009 but naturally neither of them won. Not that I'm particularly disappointed with the outcome. I think the winner is a fantastic song by a great act on the verge of a major breakthrough. The following bloggers helped determine our classy single of the week:

D'Luv (US) writer of Chart Rigger
Mike (Aus) author of this classy blog.
Paul (UK) writer of Fizzy Pop
Poster Girl (US) writer of Poster Girl
Rob (UK) writer of Don't Stop The Pop

Unfortunately Tommie was too drunk to take part this week but I've been lucky enough to snag a fabulous celebrity guest judge to take his place. Marc Massive is perhaps best known as the lead singer of UK electro/NRG band Massive Ego but he's become an cult icon in his own right due to his constantly evolving image and outrageous videos. Marc has also modelled for the likes of Dolce & Gabbana and worked as a backing dancer for Boy George. Basically, he's a true pop trash icon and I thought I'd ask him a few questions about Massive Ego's new single and his celebrity connections before getting on with the voting:

Your band's new single "Master & Servant" was reviewed by the Pop Panel last week and drew some rather unkind comments. D'Luv likened you to "Pete Burns' slumped over carcass", while Tommie felt "aurally raped". How do you respond?
We received a worse battering on the Depeche Mode forum where they were all set to burn effigies of us and stick pins into voodoo dolls. The Pop Panel was a walk in the park in comparison! The Pete Burns reference is always going to happen, visually I wouldn't say we're alike, but perhaps my voice has his tone and I wear make-up. He's a mate of mine anyway, in the early days of Massive Ego they (Dead Or Alive) were kind enough to lend us their electric drum kit for a show at Heaven and Pete approved of our cover of "My Heart Goes Bang". He's definitely been an inspiration over the years.

"Master & Servant" has a strong fetish theme. Are you heavily into that scene?
I do own a pair of chaps, although I've never worn them in the traditional manner of everything hanging loose! It's never been a scene I've got into personally, but have worked in some fairly seedy places in my time including a few happy years stint as a coat check girl in an infamous London 'yellow hanky' club so I'm not easily offended or shocked. The whole S&M dress up thing is just like another form of drag really but minus the wigs and make-up. Covering "Master & Servant" and the B-side "Sex Drive" just fitted with the overtly sexual imagery attached to the single. The single sleeve design actually had a big cock featured on it until the label had a re-think!

It's hard enough being a gay pop star but being an openly gay alternative cult pop star is something of a feat. Did you find it difficult to find your niche?
I suppose coming out of the London gay club scene, in particular the more dress up clubs of old like 'Kinky Gerlinky', 'The Daisy Chain' and 'Pyramid', that's where I learnt who I was and got my first breaks. I like dressing up too much to try and hide being gay and nor would I want to. The "cult" aspect of the band I suppose comes out of the fact that we look the way we do, and when on the rare occasion we do a live gig it's more of a performance rather than just turning up in jeans & t-shirt with a backing track. I think our next album will surprise a lot of people who just put us in the "covers band" bracket. We have covered a lot of tracks in the past but we also write and record our own material which unfortunately has tended to take a back seat in the past due to the nature of the labels we have been signed to. I'm excited now about working with Dance Street/ZYX in Germany as they seem keen to hear everything we do rather than just covers.

Is it true you worked as one of Boy George's backing dancers in the 90s? Did you have to sit on his casting couch?
No I don't think I was ever his cup of tea in those days, as I wore nearly as much make-up as he did and that's not a turn on for either of us. It was a great character building period working with him and I got to do some amazing gigs. It also gave me the drive, desire and inspiration to do my own band and music so I've got a lot to thank him for.

Which mainstream pop stars float your boat?
I've always been a major Duranie (much to George's amusement at the time) they are the perfect pop group. And anybody that knows me knows my unhealthy Nick Rhodes obsession. I've really got into Patrick Wolf since his recent "Vulture" track and of all the new breed of artists he's probably one of the most talented and creative I've seen. I'm also really proud of Dan Black, who's becoming quite a name to watch here in the UK and who was originally a member of Massive Ego in the late 90s when we had guitarists and were an indie pop band. I like pop stars to act like pop stars and be slightly removed from reality, have a mystique about them and be untouchable, something that all these X Factor reality types just don't have in my view. They are just churning them out now all pre-packaged with a barcode stuck to their heads only to be dropped after one album, so what's the point in even becoming a fan or starting to collect merchandise for these artists? Although we've never crossed over to mass market appeal, or become a household name, I'm still releasing CDs, making videos and doing the odd show 10 years later - granted not as prolifically as I'd like but least it is still on my terms.

The Double A side single "Master & Servant/Sex Drive" is released in October on German label Dance Street and will be available to download from all the usual sites. Make sure you check out the fabulous "Master & Servant" video below:

As usual the songs are ranked from least to most popular.

Jordin Sparks - SOS (Video)

American Idol flop explores a new dance sound.

D'Luv: See, now I'm conflicted. Jordin seems really sweet, but this boring trash makes me want to kick her in the pussy. 2/5
Marc Massive: I don't think that works at all. It's neither one song nor the other. She should have taken a leaf out of the Sugababes/ Richard X "Freak Like Me" book and maybe not relied on such a big chunk of "Let The Music Play" to fill out her own rather bland song. Didn't flick my switch I'm afraid. 1/5
Mike: It's a crime to blend a true 80s classic into something this dull and generic. Someone needs to do us all a favour and pull the plug on Jordin's career once and for all. 1/5
Paul: Como se nota la inspiración del "SOS"/"Disturbia" de Rihanna. Is it Rihanna tribute week or what?! I mean I like this, but it's generic dance pop and I think Jordin can do so much better. She even took the by the numbers "Battlefield" and made it something quite delightful. Very disappointed in this. 2/5
Poster Girl: I really expected this to be a J.R. Rotem track: sample - '80s sample, no less - put into a modern dance-pop beat. It isn't, though, and maybe that's something we should be thankful for: far surpassing his recent output, it might just be one of the best mainstream-geared, pure fun dance-pop single we Americans have had a female singer deliver to us since Rotem's own similarly-titled song for Rihanna. 5/5
Rob: Written by 6 people and produced the mighty Cutfather of Denmark. Is it any good? Yeah, it's pretty epic and it totally knows it is. 4/5
Total: 15/30

Beyoncé - Broken Hearted Girl (Video)

The 7th (!) single from "Sasha Fierce".

D'Luv: You know it's hopeless when your song is so boring, Jordin Sparks seems avant garde by comparison. 1/5
Marc Massive: Now strike me down with lightning, but I don't own a single Beyonce record and can't see me ever doing so to be honest, it's just not my kind of music. This track washed over me much like the waves in the video. Yeah she can sing, yeah she's stunning... but the passion for this kind of R'n'B ballad slush just isn't there for me. 1.5/5
Mike: All the Beyoncé haters to the left, to the left. There are much better songs on the album ("Disappear", "Hello" and "That's Why You're Beautiful" come to mind) but this is still rather lovely. 4/5
Paul: 7 singles! Who is she? Janet Jackson? See her wipe away the tears at the beginning?! Amazing acting. This is one of the best videos of all time! The song is ok too... 3/5
Poster Girl: With a couple of exceptions, I count Beyoncé's voice as a negative on my pro/con lists for her songs, so it's telling that here it's one of the least objectionable parts of a song I'll forget moments after it's over. Of course, I still might like it more if someone else sang it. Has "Scared Of Lonely" been a single yet? Sounds like a demo, but sounds better than this. 1/5
Rob: As with every B song that appears on the Pop Panel, I come at it with very biased opinions. I can't stand her voice. She simply grates on me. So, she has a mountain to climb. How does she do with this? Very well. It seems all that over the top mess I am used to with her music has been put to one side and the beautiful simplicity of the song shines through making this one of Beyonce's greatest songs of her career. It's not a screamer. It's more subtle than that which is the key to its success. 5/5
Total: 15.5/30

Whitney Houston - I Look To You (Video)

One of the dual lead singles from Whitney's comeback album.

D'Luv: Yeah, honey. And I'm lookin' the other way. 1/5
Marc Massive: No budget video, minimal production... no need for all that razzmatazz it's Whitney bloody Houston darling... the diva, the voice, the legend. For all the comments about her voice not being what it was I still think this lady has what her countless wannabe imitators can only dream of, and that's star quality in abundance and I for one am glad she's made it through the troubled years that she's singing about and regained her rightful crown. This is a lighter out, swaying from side to side, feel good, glad to be alive, power ballad which The X-Factor TV producers would kill for as the winner's track, and that I can imagine is being turned into an Almighty Records dance cover as we speak. 4/5
Mike: Timeless and beautiful. It's far from the best track on the album but I think the message is fitting, her voice sounds great and the production is understated and elegant. 4/5
Paul: Ah whitters. How many first singles is she going to have from this album?! Again this is one of her uplifting ballads and jolly nice it is too. I for one am glad Whitney is back, find her quite lovely all over again and am now eagerly anticipating her doing a storming dance routine for the video of "A Song For You" (which will officially be a crime if not released as a single). 3.5/5
Poster Girl: Whitney's comeback album has some great songs on it... but this isn't one of them. You can see where this song would be a crowd-pleaser live, but in studio, there's no magic, just a striving-to-be-adequate ballad. 1.5/5
Rob: I know Whitney can produce much better than this. A nice ballad that the likes of Leona and Mariah would consider having as a b-side. 3/5
Total: 17/30

Jose Galisteo - Logicamente No (Video)

Sexy Spaniard and sometime gayer unveils his latest single.

D'Luv: Is anyone really this gay, you ask. Why, yes — Jose Galisteo! 3/5
Marc Massive: Yeah...I love a bit of Europop. This translates as "Logically No" but surely it would have been more logical for Jose to be cavorting around with another Enrique/Ricky look-a-like in the video, not a blonde babe or is that just wishful thinking on my behalf? I like this, it sticks to a tried and tested formula, does what it says on the tin, and doesn’t pretend to be anything other than a great little Euro-pop song. 3.5/5
Mike: I loved Jose's trashy debut album but it's nice to see him try something a bit different - ie. not destroy an 80s classic. "Logicamente No" is pretty forgettable but hopefully he has more up his super gay sleeve. 3/5
Paul: Como se nota la inspiración del "Don't Stop The Music" de Rihanna (which is about as Spanish as I can manage). I'm surprised by how much I like this considering it's ye olde Eurotrash I've heard a million times before. I can only put it down to the fact that I'm off to Gran Canaria in a few weeks so bound to here this in Bar Tubos, and also I'm shallow and I think Jose looks quite fine in the video. 3.5/5
Poster Girl: Spain's dance cover-prone former Operación Triunfo contestant returns with original material which I've seen drawing more than a few comparisons to Rihanna's "Don't Stop The Music." If that beat is similar, though, the catchy (well, mainly catchy in the two lines that give the song its title, but I get those two lines stuck in my head more than I expected) vocal melody is different enough that I can enjoy the song on its own. 3.5/5.
Rob: I am a huge fan of Jose and have been waiting for his much delayed album for yonks. However this chunky clunky slice of europop is pretty awful. The video is perhaps the worst video of the year. Very disappointing. I thought his album was going to be an automatic purchase for me but with this I am not so sure. 1/5
Total: 17.5/30

María José - No Soy Una Señora (Above)

A massive hit in her native Mexico, María is now trying her luck in the US with this catchy cover of an 80s classic.

D'Luv: I'm glad that after all that exposure on D Listed, La Pequeña got a record deal. 4/5
Marc Massive: I'm showing my ignorance now as I haven't a clue what 80s track this is meant to be a cover of and I thought I was an 80s aficionado. I like the video... Maria taking a shower fully clothed is always going to be a teenage boy's wet dream, but perhaps this is just a distraction from the fact that the song ain't all that. It's not horrible just not memorable for me. 2/5
Mike: Maria's album of 80s cover versions is a triumph and this is one of the many standout tracks. The production owes a lot to Katy Perry's "I Kissed A Girl" and "Hot 'N' Cold" but I adore the chorus and the sleazy, low budget video extavaganza. One question though - is Maria saying she's not a lady or not a woman? Judging from the film clip, I'm leaning towards the latter. 5/5
Paul: Is it the video or is the song just really badly produced? It sounds like someone has played a backing tape and she is just singing over the top of it! I'm not really feeling this at all, and don't want to waste any more words on it. Oh the chorus is quite good though. 2/5
Poster Girl: This is a cover of an '80s song? Are we sure it's not a cover of "Hot N Cold"? Oh, wait, now the chorus has gone all explosive pop-rock. Either María's singing or the song's production in the verses sounds amateurish, which is a shame; there's a good idea here, but it's not being helped by the song itself. 2.5/5
Rob: Wow. Very, very weak verses. I thought perhaps with this cover she might adapt it somehow so they're not so boring. And it takes a lifetime until the chorus arrives. But when it does it's like a sublime deliverance. Another awful video but I'll let that slip because I Love the high heels at the end. 3/5
Total: 18.5/30

Vanessa Amorosi - This Is Who I Am (Video)

Australian icon steals Pink's Swedish producers (and thunder) for her latest lesbian anthem.

D'Luv: Quick, Paul—stuff your lady taco in Vanessa's mouth so she'll stop singing! 1/5
Marc Massive: The best bit in the song is the cut up 'Lene Lovitch' like vocal parts. It's certainly rockin' on all cylinders but the tank is empty for me. And as Shania Twain whom Vanessa reminds me of once said "That Don't Impress Me Much". I, like the whole world, loved "Absolutely Everybody" but I don't think this is destined to follow suit. 2/5
Mike: Ness Ness returns with one of 2009's catchiest pop jams. I love her new electro-rock sound and really think it shows up the likes of Pink and Kelly Clarkson. But what the hell happened with the video? It's the cheapest piece of shit I've seen all year and the styling is appalling. Anyway, fantastic song. 5/5
Paul: Love, love, love the VanAm. She just keeps ploughing on doesn't she? Yes this is a bit P!nk and a bit angry Kelly Clarkson, but it's a rather brilliant 100mph sing a long anthem and she does it very well indeed. Plus it's a bit of a fuck you song and I do like those! 4/5
Poster Girl: "This Is Who I Am" may share musical creators with Pink's "Stupid Girls," but unlike that excuse-for-a-memorable-video half-song, Vanessa's single has a good topline to go with it. What should be generic female fronted pop-rock ends up being a song Kelly Clarkson's latest album would have been better off if it had. 4/5
Rob: Okay the verses drag on and it takes some time to get to that killer chorus but it's a great song. Love this. 4/5
Total: 20/30

Natalie Imbruglia - Want (Video)

Laura's less talented sister finally gets around to releasing the lead single from her 4th album.

D'Luv: Is this about her ex-husband, whatshisname from Silverchair? If so, I salute him for shaking Natalie out of her dull guitar dirges. Good song, nice tits. 4/5
Marc Massive: Danni Minogue, sorry Natalie Imbruglia just doesn't age does she? "Want" kind of plods along in an inoffensive manor and benefits from an over-use of the chorus, there's no escaping it after just one listen which is surely the sign of a catchy hook line. Certainly more easy on the ear than the first cut "Wild About It". I'm sure the track will benefit from some full on dance mixes. 3/5
Mike: Natalie usually bores the hell out of me but I quite like her first attempt at electro-pop. The passive aggressive lyrics and slutty video are particularly enjoyable. 3.5/5
Paul: You know, I didn't even know her sister was doing music! It's always been about Nats for me partly because she seems to get around a bit in the bedhopping way and also because my other half loves her, so much like Agnes, I get her music rammed down my throat. I do think she always manages to produce elegant classy pop and I like her hypnotic groove on this one. Looking forward to the album. 4/5
Poster Girl: Oh, boy, this is the sort of song I want to rave about as a stunning disco reinvention... but, much as the song is almost endlessly interesting as a topic of conversation, I can't get over the feeling it's melodically half-baked. Still, the idea is good enough to carry the song to a... 4/5.
Rob: So she's jumping on the electro bandwagon. And yet, it sounds so half-hearted. While I can't wait for the album, "Want" sounds so boring. Indeed, it is wanting. A good try though. 3/5
Total: 21.5/30

SINGLE OF THE WEEK

Dragonette - Pick Up The Phone (Below)

Canada's coolest band debut their new track.

D'Luv: Really great jam! The only thing that would have made the video better is if we got to see them chew tit in the locker room. 4.5/5
Marc Massive: I like Martina the singer... she's an uber kewl popster. Dragonette are the sort of band that it's kewl to like yet perhaps destined to remain a secret unless you're in the know. I think of them as being one of the leading lights of the electro pop Nu wave movement with previous tracks "I Get Around" and "Boys & Girls" being good examples. The new album's title track "Fixin To Thrill" carried on the electro style, yet this new release seems to go off on a more guitar led pop direction and because of that, loses my interest a bit as I'm a sucker for synths, bleeps & analogue which is a shame as the actual lyrics and song are quite good. 3.5/5
Mike: Lovely. Pretty and poetic electro-pop done with style and panache. I think this is Dragonette's most commercial single by far and I really hope it's their big breakthrough. 4.5/5
Paul: This is one of those bands that I sort of feel should be a massive worldwide hit by now and releasing a greatest hits or something. This will do nicely instead. It's powerful pop rather than power pop or aggressive pop, it makes it's statement and gets the job done with some nice melody and a decent beat. 4/5
Poster Girl: Synth-pop-rock - emphasis on the synths here - lusciousness from Canada? More, please. 80s influences are commonplace now, but Dragonette do everything right here. 4/5
Rob: I think this is the kinda pop I think Natalie was trying to produce with "Want". There is something Garbage/"Cherry Lips" about "Pick Up The Phone". Which is great thing as I loved that. 4/5
Total: 24.5/30

Pop Panel - Week 18

Welcome to possibly the weirdest Pop Panel yet. I'm not really talking about the song selection (although it is very random) but the judging. There's always a broad spectrum of opinion but we usually agree on a couple of tracks. Not this week. There were a lot of 5/5 ratings - albeit all for different artists! It's probably my fault. This is the first time I've just submitted 8 songs that I really like without any consideration for big new releases and hyped tracks. My taste is notoriously... eclectic, so I should have expected something like this! Anyway, I really love the winner and think she's a true Pop Trash Addicts diva. The following bloggers helped determine our deserving champion:

D'Luv (US) writer of Chart Rigger
Mike (Aus) author of this classy blog.
Paul (UK) writer of Fizzy Pop
Poster Girl (US) writer of Poster Girl
Rob (UK) writer of Don't Stop The Pop
Tommie (Sweden) writer of Donna Martin Graduates

Even more exciting is the participation of one of my favourite Australian divas - the fierce and fabulous Robyn Loau. Robyn has featured on my blog many, many times over the years and I'm proud to welcome her as a celebrity guest judge. In case you've been living under a rock or are 12 years old, Robyn first came to fame in Australia as part of the legendary girlband Girlfriend. Take a walk down memory lane and check out their stunning #1 hit "Take It From Me". When those ladies parted ways (random fact - Siobhan is now a pole dancing instructor!), Robyn embarked upon her solo career and delivered one of the seminal pop tracks of the late 90s, the still amazing "Sick With Love". The diva's latest offering is a very unexpected change of pace. Robyn has teamed up with Josh Abrahams (of "Addicted To Bass" fame) for a dance track about the Columbine high school shootings! The song comes from Robyn's forthcoming second solo album. Check out the brilliant clip below and download it from iTunes now.

I guess, it's time to get on with the judging. As usual the songs are listed from least to most popular.

Djumbo – Summertime In Dubai (Video)

This popular Dutch girlband filmed their video on location in... Morocco!

D'Luv: This makes that worthless hooker who sang "My Ass" sound like Maria Callas. 0/5
Mike: It's so refreshing to see a group of happy-go-lucky sluts dance around to a tacky party anthem without being styled to within an inch of their lives. I love them! 3.5/5
Paul: I'm not really sure what to make of this. It sounds a bit dated and a lot like something else but I can't really put my finger on what. It's still a million times more interesting than the Saturdays comeback song so it gets a 3/5.
Poster Girl: Most of the Panel is going to hate this, aren't they? 3/5
Rob: I love Djumbo but Caracola got there first. This is sweet though. I'm not sure this is gonna travel well though with stories in the press regarding the relative strict religious regulations on parties. Nice attempt though. I would have picked Majorca though. They don't tend lock up gays there. 2/5
Robyn Loau: This track & video clip really gives me an insight to what it would be like to be blonde, skinny (with a sugar daddy)..."PARTY PARTY HO"!! 1/5
Tommie: Oh, they're singing about their hooking experiences in Dubai? I hear tranny cock is quite expensive there, so good for them! 4/5
Total: 16.5/35

Massive Ego – Master & Servant (Video)

UK cult icon Marc Massive is back with a cover of the Depeche Mode classic "Master & Servant".

D'Luv: Who tossed Pete Burns' slumped-over carcass into a shopping cart and wheeled him up to a microphone again? 1/5
Mike: Fuck off, haters! This is brilliant. I can almost smell the lube and leather in the air. Enjoy this anthem from the comfort of a sling in your favourite S&M dungeon. 5/5
Paul: Oooh Depeche Mode are the band to cover this year aren't they? Red Blooded Women, The Saturdays and now Massive Ego who sound more like Depeche Mode than Depeche Mode currently do! I'm always up for a good old S&M session (the tune, pervs!) and I suppose this is what the song would sound like if Marilyn Manson covered it. Not awful per se. 2.5/5
Poster Girl: Depeche Mode are one of those groups whose songs I tend to love in any modern incarnation--cover, sample--but of whom I've never listened to an album, which says a lot about both the quality of their songwriting and how, to my ears, the songs benefit from modern production. I kind of like this, but maybe we could just cut to the chase and have DepecheMode*Teens instead? 2.5/5
Rob: Okay, I really like this. For sure it's a cover, but this is how pop should be these days even when the texture of the sound isn't necessarily original. I love a bit of electroclash. It's also nice to hear the band tease out some early 90's-esque house wonderful trinkets of baselines in this pop polemic. Well done! 3/5
Robyn Loau: I think I'd need to take enormous amounts of drugs to really get the full effect of this track, but I'm currently breastfeeding so...no can do, boys! 3/5
Tommie: Fuck off and die. This Marilyn Manson wannabe does not even deserve to exist in the same universe as the awesome Depeche Mode! I feel aurally raped. 0/5
Total: 17/35

Empire Of The Sun – Without You (Video)

The Australian electro keeps on coming with the 4th single from EOTS’s debut album.

D'Luv: Daft Punk did this song ten times better. It's called "Digital Love." And, sorry, kids, but doing white-haired Adam Lambert drag in the video doesn't make the music any better. 1/5
Mike: Empire Of The Sun are one of my favourite bands but this is a curious single choice. It's a bit too soft and atmospheric for radio and too slow for the clubs but I do love it. 4/5
Paul: God the first forty seconds are some of the most boring pretentious music I've ever heard but then mercifully it gets marginally more interesting. Not much though. 2/5
Poster Girl: I put this on play while I was doing something else and was surprised when what felt like twenty seconds later I heard it fading out. If I force myself to focus, there are things I like, but if it's so easy for a song to blend into the background when there is no other background noise, I don't think I can justify giving it as high a score as I'd like. 2.5/5
Rob: Finally some class. This is one of my favourite songs from "Walking On A Dream". It's more subdued than their previous epic singles but this subtlety is its warmest element. Sometimes you don't have to scream it - you just have to whisper. 5/5
Robyn Loau: Nice art direction in this clip. I've always had a thing for blond haired/blue eyed guys... I wonder if he'd go out on a date with me? 3/5
Tommie: Did he just sing "no, no sheeps at all"? Are they from New Zealand? I do not approve of fucking animals, thank you very much! 0/5
Total: 17.5/35

@m8er – Kill The Bitch (Below)

Sydney’s @m8er is generating controversy with her debut single – which lists the celebrities she would like to kill.

D'Luv: This chav broad should go to England and visit Lady Sovereign, because that pussy ain't gonna eat itself. 1/5
Mike: I can't help feel that @m8er is jackin' CC Martini's swagga but I'll forgive her for producing the year's first LOL-worthy anthem. I sense a future Pop Trash icon in the making. 5/5
Paul: Oh. My God. Not only has she stolen the riff from MJ's "They Don't Care About Us", but the feisty little minx isn't pulling her punches lyrically either. I don't know whether to be horrified or highly amused so I will go for the latter. As someone on youtube commented, personally i'd like to fuck this song up the ass! What a compliment! The song is actually shit, but just for the audacity of it... 4.5/5
Poster Girl: 3 points awarded for a good beat, 1 deducted for awful, lazy lyrics, and 1 more for @m8er's noncomittal singing style - if you're going to be engaging in a controversy-courting list of all the ways you'd like to kill people, shouldn't there be some more vitriol in it? Sorry, but the girls you're listing off here have released better singles than this. That beat is worth rescuing, though. 1/5
Rob: Ah, I am absolutely sick of this sort of crap. Give this silly excuse for a human being a Simone de Beauvoir book. I mean it's sorta funny to hear celebrities being ripped to shreds but this attempt has been heard and seen all before. It would nice to see another woman celebrating her sisters rather than appropriate male heterosexist norms in a feeble bid to annihilate the successes of her very own gender. 0/5
Robyn Loau: Yes @m8er, these girls are annoying. Respect goes to anyone that can rebel against being politically correct. 3/5
Tommie: NOW we're talking! It's catchy, controversial and lyrically funny! This is what Pop Trash Addicts is all about. 5/5
Total: 19.5/35

La Roux – I’m Not Your Toy (Video)

Elly just punched another hole in the ozone layer getting her hair ready for La Roux's latest video.

D'Luv: I love this broad for the fact that, like Lady GaGa, she's reviving flamboyancy in pop. (That's right, haters — GaGa's gonna fuck you into the ground!) The song's a 4/5, but it gets an extra point for Elly's hair. 5/5
Mike: I like this song because it reminds me of La Toya. 3/5
Paul: Sigh. I just don't like her or her cheap casio sounding pop at all. Which makes it quite difficult for me to review this song. I don't hear anything innovative or particularly enjoyable for me here, Ugh, no I can't even get to the end of it, but thousands disagree with me, so I'm sure La Poux won't lose any sleep over it! 1/5
Poster Girl: Elly and Ben's steel drums and super-kitschy electro bleeps are entertaining for three minutes, but the song doesn't have any real sticking power for me. Listening to the rest of this week's singles got me to give this song an extra half point, though. 3/5
Rob: Everything about this grates on me. 1/5
Robyn Loau: This track has that "computer geek working in home/bedroom studio sound" to it & that's why I LOVE LOVE LOVE IT! 5/5
Tommie: Yes, I get it, she's so androgynous, alternative and cool and I should like her. But I'm indifferent. And despite her trying to win me over with a La Toya reference, I'm not buying it. 2/5
Total: 20/35

Dash & Will – Painful (Video)

Melbourne based pop duo switch things up with a ballad for their 4th single.

D'Luv: The only thing that keeps this from being completely dull is the fact that it sorta rips off Hole's "Malibu." Otherwise, it gets a little painful. 2/5
Mike: I love Dash & Will. Their album is amazing and this is a great little single. I just wish they'd hurry up and release "Too Young Too Dumb" and get the commercial breakthrough they so richly deserve. 4/5
Paul: How unassumingly charming. I mean it doesn't come out and hit you over the head as a brilliant song, but it's not entirely awful either. Sounds like the type of song the CW network execs would be clamouring over themselves to put in the new Melrose Place. All a bit pleasant really with no real va va voom. 2.5/5
Poster Girl: Pleasantly - but not more - sung, pleasantly - but no more - written female-vocalled singer-songwriter song that, without any sort of entry point for me, has gone in one ear and out the other. 2/5
Rob: Somewhat like watching paint dry. 2/5
Robyn Loau: I had seen their "Out Of Control" video on TV and thought that it was much more PAINFUL than this 4th single which I actually like very much. Great line... "sometimes it gets a little painful, cause it's real!" Well done, girls. I'm a sucker for pop! 4/5
Tommie: This actually reminds me of something No Doubt would record in 1996 - and that's no insult. Surprisingly good pop/rock tune. 4/5
Total: 20.5/35

Crazy Loop – Crazy Loop (Video)

Ozone's Dan "Crazy Loop" Balan returns with a typically quirky pop tune. The Romanian sensation gets a UK release in October.

D'Luv: Who needs the Beatles when we have this rock legend creating another smashing pop anthem? I'd bang this guy, but only if he's wearing the Domino's Pizza outfit. 5/5
Mike: An instant seratonin boost. It's great to have Dan back with his own unique brand of fabulous non-sensical lyrics and outrageous fashion. More please! 4/5
Paul: I was actually expecting some dreadful novelty hit sounding tune, not this quite accomplished electro pop tune that just charms from start to finish. I know I'm a bit schizophrenic when it comes to liking eurotrash pop dance tunes - I either get them (this one) or I don't (Kim Sozzi). So overall, I'm quite chuffed with this. Wonder whether he busts any of those moves in the sack?! 4/5
Poster Girl: Dan Balan's ditching of the guitars and returning to the Europop fold means more joyous synths and ridiculous yodeling-style vocal melodies, which is really what he's meant to be doing. It's do "Dragostea din tei," but really, what is? 4/5
Rob: Wow this is trashy. As in it's shit. 1/5
Robyn Loau: Well, I couldn't stop smiling throughout this clip so I guess it's got something going for it. I love the fact that this guy can dance. 2/5
Tommie: When I first saw "Mm-Ma-Ma" in the title I for some reason just assumed it would sample "Surfin' Bird" and automatically be amazing, but no one has thought of that idea yet it seems (JUST PUTTING IT OUT THERE). As it is now, it's a bit of a novelty song and nothing special. 2/5
Total: 22/35

SINGLE OF THE WEEK

Kim Sozzi – Feel Your Love (Video)

American dance queen's latest floorfiller is starting to get mainstream top 40 airplay.

D'Luv: Proof that boring dance music doesn't just come from Germany. Despite an okay beat, this is really a snooze. Of course, looking over the rest of this week's offerings, I see the worst is yet to come. 2/5
Mike: I used to think Kim was the poor man's Kristine W, which is probably as low as it's humanly possible to go. Thankfully, "Feel Your Love" has finally slapped some sense into me. This is one of the year's best dance tracks - pretty, floaty and instantly catchy. An extra half point for looking so fucking sexy in the video. 5/5
Paul: Sozzi Kim but I am not being won over by your cheap and cheerful brand of Cascada dance pop. If this was a supermarket, she would be in the own name budget brand aisle of the store. I do like her triangular earrings though so a solid 1.5/5.
Poster Girl: This is pretty, but it doesn't press hard enough towards either tear-filled dance or the uplifting kind, which means, probably unfairly, it left little mark on me. 2.5/5
Rob: Okay, the styling is amazing but people are just gonna refer to Lady GaGa. The song is pleasant though. Tina Cousins was doing this years ago. 3/5
Robyn Loau: Classic dance floor anthem, beautiful voice. Stunning clip, so brilliantly simple but looks big budget. Love her mirror ball wedge platforms. I would mug her for those, then wear them at Stonewall! 4/5
Tommie: Anyone registered at FlopPop.com has been brainwashed to like Kim Sozzi and I'm no exception! "Feel Your Love" is a dance triumph and makes Dannii stab her vagina with a dildo in frustration that she didn't record it first! 5/5
Total: 23/35