Toy Toy's Trashy Duet

It's time for a trash flashback! With the release of "Thriller 25" and the impending arrival of Janet's latest porn soundtrack, I've got to thinking about my favourite Jackson - holy Toy Toy. People always think I'm being sarcastic when I declare my love for La Toya but I'd easily rank her as one of my 10 favourite divas - top 5 if the lazy bitch would hurry up and release something new. As a pop trash icon, Toy's fabulousness is unparalleled. While other divas have thrown in the towel, La Toya has weathered a 30 year career of flops and failures with the determination of a mule. None of Toy Toy's 10 stunning albums have produced any hits but she keeps on rolling with the punches. Today I'm going to focus on one of Toy's most outrageous career lows - her trashtastic duet with Tom Beser, "Don't Break My Heart".

By 1997 La Toya was at an all time low (even by her standards). She had finally escaped from an abusive husband only to discover that she was a virtual leper in the US. So La Toya turned to Europe, where she could still trade off her surname. Never one to take a lucky break, poor Toy Toy ended up on the books of Tom Beser - a German producer of some disrepute. Tom tried to drum up publicity by claiming he had sex with Toy and allegedly conned her into a German club tour on the pretext of carrying out charity work. La Toya eventually came to her senses and left the project. Most producers would have called it a day but Tom pressed ahead, releasing their duet in 1998. To cover the absence of his duet partner, Tom simply hired a La Toya impersonator for live appearances!

Amazingly, "Don't Break My Heart" isn't a complete disaster. In fact, far from it. I love the tacky Euro-pop production and La Toya's stunning vocals are always sweet music to my ears. The whole damn thing is actually pretty catchy. The chorus is great and Tom's mind boggling "rap" is more amusing than it is embarrassing. I can't help but feel "Don't Break My Heart" would have at least been a small hit without Tom's unusual approach to promotion. Fans of cheap and cheerful Euro-pop should find a lot to like about this trashy gem. Enjoy!