Ami Suzuki

Soon I will bask in her magical glow...

Choice - Remembering Rap's Baddest Bitch

Despite only having two flop albums to her credit, Choice changed the face of music forever. Her foul mouthed fabulousness broke barriers for female artists by tackling subjects that were previously considered taboo - like big dicks, dildos and hungry pussies. This pioneer should be the toast of the hip hop world. Without her there would be no Lil' Kim, Khia or Nicky Minaj. It's something of a tragedy then that Choice's stunning legacy is all but forgotten outside of the gay community. A talent of this calibre should be living the high life instead of working at McDonalds or turning tricks (my money's on the latter). With any luck this post will win Choice a couple of new fans. I live in hope that she will emerge like a phoenix from the ashes and reclaim her crown as rap's baddest bitch.

Born Kim Davis, the soon to be legendary diva changed her name to Choice and quickly made waves on Houston's hip hop scene. Her big break came in 1989 when she featured on Willie D's charmingly titled "I Need Some Pussy". Choice was quickly snapped up by Rap-A-Lot records and her debut album was released in 1990. I usually find rap about as appealing as death metal but "The Big Payback" remains one of my favourite albums of all time. When not dissing her male contemporaries (Ice Cube and NWA both get a serve), Choice raps about her sexcapades in graphic detail. The shrinking violet explores cunnilingus on "Cat Got Your Tongue":

Just like a dope fiend getting a hit
You happy as fuck when you're licking my clit

Before moving on to dick size on "Mr Big Stuff":

Leaving my cunt unsatisfied,
Whoever told you you had a big dick lied!

My favourite track is "Pipe Dreams" (listen to it in all its filthy glory below), which finds Choice ruminating on her favourite sexual experiences. I could quote the entire song but this is one of the more demure examples:

I couldn't take it without lubrication
It had to be the biggest damn dick in the nation

They say lightning doesn't strike twice but "Stick-N-Move" (released in 1992) is only slightly less amazing than "The Big Payback". Choice still had her mind in the gutter but this time around at she at least discovered safe sex. "HIV Positive" has to be one of the most politically incorrect songs of all time ("HIV positive, you know the AIDS?") but I'm ashamed to admit how many times I've played it over the years. Other highlights from the diva's brilliant sophomore album are "Choice Is Choosie", "Tales From The Sexside" (which includes the immortal line "stuck my dildo in his ass until his asshole bled") and "Humpin'". The album was actually quite successful by Choice's standards - it reached #83 on the R&B Chart! - but sadly it proved to be her last hurrah and she has literally never been heard from again. Wherever Choice is, I hope she's still having pipe dreams and knows how sorely she's missed by her small army of gay fans.

STOP PRESS!

Choice is now on Facebook. She only has 7 fans - so add her!

What Soraya Did Next!

Spain’s undisputed Queen of pop has been busy since coming a respectable second last in Eurovision last year. She re-released her amazing flop album, scored a top 30 hit in Sweden (on the virtually obsolete physical singles chart) and completed her sold out tour (of free shows at radio stations). Unlike desperate Edurne, who is now appearing on the Spanish version of Dancing With the Stars – Soraya continues to go from strength to strength while retaining her class and dignity! A case in point is Soraya’s latest endeavour as the nude cover girl of Must! Magazine’s "Sex Issue". As you can see from the clip above, the stunning diva is in fine form. Her beauty is almost as flawless as her voice and totally non-Botoxed forehead. More importantly, I'm told the song playing in the background is Soraya’s next single – a sure to be #77 smash hit collaboration with French DJ Antoine Clamaran. It goes without saying "Live Your Dreams" is already the best track of 2010 and I haven't even heard it! For more info check out this glamorous post.

Ami Suzuki's Kylie Cover & Australian Tour!

Today is quite possibly the most important date in the history of popular music. My favourite Japanese diva - the heavenly Ami Suzuki - has just leaked a thirty second preview of her long awaited version of Kylie's "Can't Get You Out Of My Head" AND finally confirmed her first Australian tour (of Queensland nightclubs). I don't know where to start! I'm literally lost for words after hearing Ami's stunning cover, so I guess I'll begin with her tour. First and foremost - why is this living legend confining herself to the Sunshine State? Ami's tens of fans would fill venues right across Australia. I know my local Sushi Train would be packed to the rafters! It's frustrating but I won't let 730 measly kilometres come between me and the pride of Japan. The prospect of hearing the Queen of Avex mime to a bunch of her top 35 smash "hits" is just too tempting. Queensland, here I come! At the moment the diva's Australian tour consists of the following dates:

- The 14th of March at Bedroom Nightclub on the Gold Coast (link)
- The 18th of March at Church Nightclub in Brisbane (link)

I'm not familiar with either venue, so if anyone has any suggestions - please let me know. I just hope Ami belts out a couple of early classics like "Be Together" and "Love The Island" as well as her trashtastic Avex masterpieces "Free Free", "One" and "Can't Stop The Disco". Speaking of that last smash, you might remember my post about the song's video clip. It's basically a frame by frame copy of Kylie's "In My Arms", so I find it only fitting that Ami pay tribute to Australia's own Queen of pop by covering her biggest hit. Needless to say, the Japanese icon does Kylie proud. Changing the lyrics to "I just can't get you out of my hair" was a masterstroke! Ami's breathtaking anthem will feature on this upcoming compilation but until then, enjoy the 30 second preview (below). Ayumi and Utada could never...

La Toya Covers Whitney - Live In Poland!

I don't know how we all survived before Youtube. One minute you're aimlessly trawling through old Taka Boom videos, the next you stumble across a freshly uploaded clip of the Pope of Pop belting out "I Just Wanna Dance With Somebody" in 1993. Needless to say, Toy Toy's stunning performance is a sight to behold. Anyone lucky enough to own a copy of "Live At Balleys" knows the unparalleled brilliance of a La Toya concert and she really brought her A game to Poland. Believe me, the former Eastern Block was well and truly rocked by our Queen's electric dance moves and magnetic stage presence - not to mention the high budget production values (ie. a smoke machine) and a costume which redefines the very essence of glamour! The highlight for me is Toy's hilarious disclaimer at the beginning that she doesn't require audience participation, closely followed by her orgasmic squeals. The thinking man's Jackson really does have the voice of an angel using a vibrator. I don't think it's a coincidence that Whitney went off the rails in early 90s. She clearly caught wind of this performance and knew that La Toya had her beat in the beauty and talent stakes. It's not easy living in Toy's shadow - just ask Janet!

An Interview With Pearly Gates

Late last year I wrote a post about 2009's most unexpected comeback - the charming return of 70s disco diva come 80s Hi-NRG dance queen Pearly Gates. Not only was "Stop For Love" a great tune, the stunning 63 year old became an overnight internet sensation by cavorting with gay porn star Zeb Atlas in the high camp video clip. Since then Pearly has been busy putting the finishing touches on her first (non-compilation) album, the appropriately titled "On A Winning Streak". And if the tracklisting is any indication, it's going to be amazing. There are twenty songs (including previously unreleased material from the 1970s) as well as a bonus disc with 12 videos and an interview. I can't wait to get my hands on it! The ageless diva kindly agreed to talk to me about her new album and the highlights of her five decades in the music business. It was a real honour to speak to such an enduring talent. I hope you enjoy the interview and make sure you hunt down "On A Winning Streak". It's already on iTunes with a physical release to follow on the 20th of February (try ordering your copy here closer to the date). Expect a review as soon as mine arrives!

Pearly, how did you get into the music industry? It must have been tough for a farm girl from country Alabama.
Ha ha, well I guess one could say, I got started in High School when I used to sing at junior and senior proms around the state of Alabama and I was persuaded to continue when I finished high school. So it was a choice at that time to go to college or straight into the industry and I chose the industry. Growing up in Alabama, I wouldn’t say it was hard. But it wasn’t easy either. One thing it did was make you very strong and build confidence that would later see you through the rocky road of show business.

The 60s was a golden era for girl groups. Did The Flirtations (the band that Pearly started her career in) feel a lot of pressure to live up to the success of The Supremes or Martha and the Vandellas?
No, The Gypsies/Flirtations were never a replicate of The Supremes because they had that ease and sexuality. Their songs portrayed that type of aura, which made them the queens of the 60s. Whereas Martha and the Vandellas, had more of a street, soulful feel. The Flirtations, on the other hand, was out and out R&B then stroke POP. Those groups were more smooth and we were more soulful as performers. We met Diana Ross and Mary Wilson and we’ve been on the same bill as Martha and the Vandellas but they had to leave, so we didn’t get the chance to talk to them.

Sexy Pearly in the late 70s

Why did the band move from America to the UK in 1968? Was the transition hard? We came first at the end of 1968 and arrived for good in February 1969. No, not hard at all. It was something that we knew we had to do. Because of the competition in America with so many girl groups at that time.

Your solo career kicked off in the early 70s. What are your favourites from that period? I love “Make It My Business (To Get To Know You Boy)”. It’s so cute and catchy!
Yes, my career as Pearly Gates started in 1974. My favourite has to be “Burning Love”. I love that song. I think it’s so, so, so cool! I also like “Making It My Business”. That’s also a good one. In 1985 I recorded “Action” that's the song that got me noticed on the dance scene BIG TIME!

This is one of my favourite clips on youtube

Olivia Newton-John is one of my all time favourite singers. Is it true you worked with her on Cliff Richard's TV show in the late 70s? What is she like?
Yes, we did do two television series with Cliff Richard. She was absolutely a joy to work with and girlfriend has got a wicked sense of humour. We got together in 2009 and I have to tell you, the sense of humour is still the same and she is still as beautiful as ever. Mind and body.

You mentioned “Burning Love” earlier. Like most fabulous divas, you dabbled in disco in the late 70s. Did you enjoy that era?
Thank you so much to referring to me as a diva. It makes me feel good. The 70s were absolutely amazing for disco music. And I’m glad to have been a part of it. I loved it because I used to go to the clubs and dance from 1am to 6am. There was no such thing as going to the gym. I got my workout on the dance floor!

I read that you recorded a full disco album with Ian Levine in 1979 called “Fading Into The Night” but it was never released. What happened?
That album had originally been intended for an American singer called Cobie Jones. However, she couldn't get a visa to get to the UK when the studio was booked so Ian called me and had me record those songs at London's Trident Studios. It was a very good album but due to the disco backlash, Ian couldn't get it released and it sat in the can for several years. Two of the songs, "Fading Into The Night" and "No Two Ways About It" came out as 12" singles in 1987. The whole album was finally released as part of my CD "The Best Of Pearly Gates" on Hot Productions in the mid-90s.

You then re-emerged in the mid-80s with “Action” - one of the most famous Hi-NRG hits of that decade. Did you know it was special when you recorded it?
It felt very special at the time. It was very happy go lucky in the lives of a lot of people. It was a fun song to sing. It told a story and it was very tongue in cheek and very, very cheeky.

Pearly demands "Action"!

That song (like a lot of your music) has really been embraced by the gay community. How do you explain it?
I would like to think that my music appeals to everybody and if there is a certain group of people who embodies the music more than others I’m very happy for that. I just think the gay community express themselves more than others. They love to have fun and I love being out there performing with them and enjoying myself.

You kind of disappeared in the 90s and early 00s. Were you having a well deserved rest?
No, I was getting married, trying to have a life for once in my life! So to speak. I was always a part of the music scene. I never went away. In the 90s I started my own management company. So I was still very much involved in the industry.

Having worked behined the scenes, what is your opinion on the current state of the music industry?
Yes I did spend quite a few years behind the scene as I still am doing, all I can say about the industry today is... I don’t think it’s as much fun as it used to be. You had a chance to be more hands on,with the people who were in charge, you could meet up, see people, have lunch. And just generally get to know the person you were on the phone to and had to deal with.

Beyoncé or Rihanna?
I absolutely respect them both in different ways. I’ve had the pleasure of meeting Beyoncé and the rest of Destiny’s Child. And they were all really, really nice. Suffice to say, I am very happy to see Beyoncé continue on that winning streak - ohh that’s the name of my album (*laughs*). Hence 6 Grammy awards. Rihanna is on another trip all together, she really is new school and I am hoping that her career progresses further.

The comeback album of 2010

Why did you decide to embark on a comeback? Did you ever think you’d be releasing what is essentially your debut album at the age of 63?
I’m not calling it a comeback, I’m calling it a continuation of what I started out doing 45 years ago. I know... Isn’t it wonderful that you can stand up proud and say that your 63? I actually feel very blessed. I feel like RuPaul - “Looking good, feeling fine”!

Tell us about your new album. Are you keeping it old school?
The sound on the album has a little bit of everything. I’m trying to bring it up to date, it has a little bit of something for everybody. And I hope people can look back and reminisce with me on this journey. I hope I’ve come up to the present!

Who have you worked with? I hear there’s an Ian Levine collaboration. Is the old chemistry still there?
On this album producers range from the great H.B. Barnum from Motown Stable to the High Energy giant Ian Levine. Søren Jensen, The Soundcarvers (Frank Savannah & Crazy Pitcher), Alias 1 and Doc B and the late, great Clive Scott all contributed to the album.

Is it true you recorded a song that the Bee Gees originally wrote for Dionne Warwick's "Heartbreaker" album in the 80s?
I received this song in the late 80s in the form of a disco track. And I just couldn’t imagine how I could get my chops around the melody of the track. So I put it aside. But I always liked the words of the song. So when we were putting together the album, I played it to Alias 1 and Doc B, expressing the fact that I’d love to do it but I wanted a complete new concept. And what we came up with, I think, is glorious. And I hope the feedback will be positive from people.

Will there be any old classics on the album?
Yes there is an old classic on the album. An old Marvin Gaye classic “Ain’t That Peculiar”. Yet again I asked Alias 1 and Doc B to give it a new treatment and what they came up with is amazing. There are also four previously unreleased songs from my 1977 sessions in Los Angeles.

Zeb Atlas - Pearly's toy boy

The video for “Stop For Love” (below) has become a youtube sensation! Whose idea was it to involve porn star Zeb Atlas?
Darren Harvey-Beswick thought I should have a love interest for the video. It was just a lot of fun on the day. It was such a joy to work with him. He was such a gentleman. And a lot of fun. We both enjoyed the day. I don’t think I could have found another man better than Zeb Atlas.

What was it like acting out love scenes with Zeb? Was he overcome by your fabulousness?
It was a video shoot, Zeb is a professional. I am long in the tooth.. in this business! We had a job to do that allowed us to have fun and I hope it came out that way that we were having a good time. And it was great because we are two fellow Americans, who really just had a good time on the day.

When is the album released and can we expect more stunning video clips?
The album will be available the middle of February. And yes there are a couple videos in the package and I hope people enjoy listening and watching my work. God knows I’ve had a great time helping put it all together. And BIG UP to Søren and Darren for ALL their support and help.

Thanks so much for your time and good luck with "On A Winning Streak"!
Thank you. It was great talking to you.

Dannii - A Tribute

A belated congratulations to Dannii for breaking the Minogue curse and getting knocked up before her uterus rusts over. I wish her and Kris every happiness!

Heidi Montag's Pop Masterpiece

In breaking news Madonna just ripped out her chicken cutlets and bought a time share in Florida. Reports also confirm that Kylie has just accepted a job as Dannii's new nanny, while Beyoncé is currently on the phone to Solange getting emergency counselling on how it feels to be a nobody. In yet another shocking development, music lovers are mourning the news that La Toya won't be startin' over for at least another 9 years. What could possibly spook pop's leading ladies to such a devastating extent? The answer, my friends, is an album so magnificent it makes "Thriller" sound like "3 Words". From the moment Heidi Montag unleashed her stunning debut single upon the world, it was immediately apparent that pop music had a new saviour. The reality TV superstar followed that anthem with gem after gem but nothing can prepare you for the genius of "Superficial". Heidi's much delayed debut album raises the bar to such an extent that it automatically makes every other diva in the business redundant. Never before has one reed thin voice belted out so many unforgettable anthems about topical issues like clubbing, shopping and looking hot. Heidi's music will not only make you dance - it will widen the horizons of your mind and help put you on the path to righteousness. Here is my track by track review of 2010's first masterpiece:

Look How I'm Doing

I showed you a kiss that they do in France

Like many of the amazing anthems on "Superficial", the opening number isn't exactly new. In fact, slightly different versions previously appeared on both "Wherever I Am" and "Here She Is" - the two EPs Ms Montag released in 2009. I totally understand why "Look How I'm Doing" has been recycled more often than your average Stargate beat. The Cathy Dennis penned, Steve Morales produced track is one of the album's catchiest tunes. I love the chorus, vocal hooks ("ha ha ha ha") and insightful lyrics about looking sexy. Heidi's breathy voice effortlessly floats above the urban dance beats like an angel in heaven making this a memorable opener.

Turn Ya Head

If you're hungry for pleasure, I'll serve you a measure

Heidi's attempt to revolutionise urban pop as we know it also appeared on both her previous EPs. I'm slightly disappointed that "Turn Ya Head" made the cut while vastly superior tracks like "Overdosin", "Fashion" and "Body Language" were left off. There's nothing wrong with the song itself. It just sounds like an outtake from Britney's "Blackout" album - only with better vocals and classier lyrics. However, a major talent like Heidi deserves more challenging material. I think Cathy Dennis was taking the piss on this one.

Fanatic

Boy, you got me checking that I've got a temperature

Apparently this is going to be the album's second single. I was worried when I read that the producer's previous credits include Z grade losers like Anastacia and Delta Goodrem but "Fanatic" is something of a surprise packet. It's a funktastic mid-tempo pop tune drenched in 80s influences - particularly vintage Prince. That could be the reason it reminds me of Kylie's "Still Standing" so strongly. The song works and I like that Heidi has found the time to experiment with her sound between plastic surgeries but it's not really single material. There are better tracks on the album and the level of autotune on "Fanatic" should come with a safety warning.

Superficial

They say I'm superficial, some call me a bitch
They're just mad 'cause I'm sexy, famous and I'm rich

The album's title track and lead single is a stunning indictment of popular culture and the value judgements made against innocent publicity whores like Heidi. Just because the diva underwent 10 plastic surgeries in one day doesn't make her superficial. It just reflects favourably on her time management skills! Think of this stinging swipe at Heidi's critics as her personal theme song. Furthermore, classy lyrics like "hoppin' out the Maserati, all I see is paparazzi" ensure the track's status as a future trash classic.

More Is More

It's fucking chaos in here

"More Is More" is generally regarded as Heidi's most commercial track, which is reflected by the fact that it is her only hit - reaching a lofty #27 on the US dance chart. Steve Morales really knows how to bring the best out of The Hills icon. She tears up the vocal and injects some real passion into the song. I guess getting wasted in a club is an issue close to Heidi's heart. All jokes aside, "More Is More" would have been a huge hit for anyone else and just proves that evil haters are conspiring to ruin the diva's music career. Have strength, Heidi!

One More Drink

I'm getting lost in this liquid high,
I'm elevated to some new heights

Beer goggles don't get a lot of recognition in popular music but this stunning ode to intoxication rigorously explores the benefits of hooking up while pissed. Legislation should be introduced requiring this song be blasted out of every bar and club on a Saturday night. Heidi is now the patron saint of drunk sex! Inspiring lyrics aside, I actually think "One More Drink" is a brilliant pop tune. The Runners are best known for producing rap acts like Rick Ross and Lil Wayne but unlike some of Heidi's collaborators (I'm talking to you, Cathy Dennis!), these guys have taken the brief seriously and come up with a slinky little anthem that gets stuck in your head and refuses to leave. Worth checking out for camp value alone.

Twisted

You won't let me leave, you want to strangle me

I wanted to strangle Heidi too by the end of "Twisted". It's a pretty standard bad boyfriend song produced by Sebastian Jacome (the man behind hits for A Listers like the Cheetah Girls and Mexican goddess Anahí) but my problem is the grating vocal. I usually love the pop visionary's voice but she sounds like she's choking on Spencer's cock on this one.

Hey Boy

Don't act like you're payin' my bills,
When you know your broke ass can't even pay attention

Sebastian returns with a similarly themed tune on "Hey Boy". Happily, this is a vastly better effort and wouldn't sound out of place on Ashlee Simpson's hugely underrated "Bittersweet World" album. The production is perky - the combination of rock and dance elements works well - and the lyrics have some much needed bite. A lot of haters have dismissed "Superficial" as sounding like the one song repeated twelve times but "Hey Boy" is an example of Heidi switching things up and exploring different genres. I still think her calling is synthpop but this isn't horrible by any means.

My Parade

The main attraction if you're lookin' for some action

Don't be put off by the song's opening verse, which sounds like yet another cheerleading anthem in the vein of Gwen Stefani's "Hollaback Girl". "My Parade" swiftly transforms into a straightforward pop track and is ultimately a fine addition to Heidi's growing library of party anthems. The production (courtesy of Fingazz) is Danja-lite but that's a compliment of sorts. The heavy beats will get your feet moving and mercilessly take the attention away from the inane lyrics.

Blackout

I'm over the stories that we'll never make it,
When I think of losing you, baby I hate it

There isn't a lot more I can say about "Blackout". I already devoted a post to its brilliance and featured it in my best of 2009 countdown. I guess I'd just like to reiterate that this is the sound I think Heidi should be pursuing. Her voice tends to get swallowed by heavy beats, which rules out the vast majority of Britney/Robyn rip-offs she is given. The more subtle synthpop of "Overdosin'", "Body Language" and "Blackout" is where she comes into her own. In all seriousness, I'd love Kylie or Dannii to have a song this good on either of their next albums.

I'll Do It

I fuck to get attention,
I brought some treats,
I know that you're gonna love 'em
Eat my panties off of me

And the award for the best song of "Superficial" goes to "I'll Do It" in a landslide. Yet another Steve Morales production, this sleazy jam is absolutely outrageous. Heidi displays her formidable intellect by dissecting gender roles with probing lyrics like "I'll be your hot mess, school girl with curls - whatever you like, I'll do it". Apart from exploring sexual politics and popular culture's dark underbelly of misogyny, the song also boasts a wicked chorus and dizzying middle eight. I can't get enough of this filth.

Love It Or Leave It

I'm an important lady,
When I show up they pay me

Appropriately, the album ends with another fuck you to Heidi's critics. Unlike the title track, "Love It Or Leave It" actually has a bit of bite and works surprisingly well. The production and autotune overload smoothers her voice but this is the closest you're going to get to the real Heidi. All in all, "Superficial" is a remarkably enjoyable collection of pop tunes that deserved to sell more than a mere 658 copies in its first week! Chalk this up as 2010's first great album.

Rating - 10/10

"I'll Do It" - my favourite track on "Superficial"

Pop Trash Woman Of The Year

Scarily - this is only part of my 'Sasha Fierce' collection!

With end of year 'best and worst of' countdowns sweeping the net (make sure you check out Adem With An E, Chart Rigger and Melismatic for starters), I thought it was about time I joined in. I'm still compiling my lists but there's one award that's a complete no brainer. Under normal circumstances I'd give this prize to Dannii for just getting out of bed and doing her hair. However, a strange thing happened in 2009. I finally saw the light and discovered the holy power of Beyjesus. After years of being frustrated by great singles and patchy records, everything just clicked. "I Am... Sasha Fierce" will not only go down as one of the best pop albums of the decade but also as one of the most influential. The only diva that came close to leaving a similar mark on 2009 was Lady GaGa. They both sold millions, scored endless hits and changed popular culture forever with their video clips and iconic images but Beyoncé also had a number one hit at the box office (with the god awful Obsessed), cleaned up at every award ceremony and revolutionised the way albums are promoted with her dual singles and 'Sasha Fierce' alter ego. The pop pioneer also somehow found the time to release a remix album and a live album as well as two brilliant duets (with Lady GaGa and Alicia Keys). Like it or not - 2009 was the year of Queen B.

Aus #3, NZ #2, UK #1, US #3

Aus #5, NZ #2, UK #7, US #1

I've never cared about chart success or critical acclaim (it's not like Dannii or La Toya have ever experienced much of either) but I respect what Beyoncé has achieved in the past year. It's hard to knock ten Grammy nominations and few acts in the history of music can boast 8 hit singles from the one album. That's not even mentioning her latest accolade. Beyjesus was recently named Billboard's top female artist of the decade and 4th overall. If you take into consideration that Destiny's Child came in 9th - she has a legitimate claim to being the most successful artist of the noughties. But whatever. Any old ho can sell records - just look at numbers 8, 14 and 17 on that list. I'm way more impressed by Beyoncé's impact on popular culture and the music industry - particularly with regard to the way albums are marketed and promoted. Pre-"Sasha Fierce" it was rare to go with different singles in different territories let alone release dual lead singles. Now it's almost standard practice.

Aus #40, NZ #26, UK #72, US #19

Aus #3, NZ #2, UK #4, US #5

You only need to look at Beyoncé's army of imitators. Take Rihanna. Not only does her new Grace Jones on steroids image reek of Sasha Fierce, she's also going with dual lead singles - one ballad and one uptempo. Sound familiar? At least she brought something new to the concept with her horror movie styling unlike Ciara (her ultra lame 'Super CiCi' persona was as big a flop as "Fantasy Ride") and J Lo (admittedly 'Lola' was stillborn out the oven and quickly scrapped). That's not even mentioning my favourite Beyoncé clone. Australia's own Jessica Mauboy is getting in on the act. Sony Australia have also been taking notes by re-releasing Jessica's album every second week and squeezing out single after single. I know it annoys some fans but I like having shit to collect and it's a legitimate way of making a return with album sales plummeting. However, the real legacy of "Sasha Fierce" isn't the way it was marketed but rather the song "Single Ladies". The video clip is already iconic, the dance routine has captured the imagination of everyone from Barack Obama to this fierce queen and the song has now been immortalised in Alvin & The Chipmunks 2. This is either the best or most disturbing thing I've seen all year.

Japan #3, NZ #11, US #39

Aus #2, NZ #1, UK #5, US #10

None of this would mean very much if the quality of the music didn't match the top notch styling and innovative marketing. A little over a year ago I reviewed "I Am... Sasha Fierce" and rather embarrassingly declared that the concept didn't work. I loved the songs but had issues with Beyoncé's split personality. I wanted a mix of both discs - pretty ballads with a sprinkling of fierce urban pop thrown in to spice things up. Unfortunately, the problem with writing reviews is the fact that you only get to listen to the album a couple of times before waxing lyrical about its genius or shortcomings. More often than not I can make up my mind after ten minutes but sometimes they take a while to get under your skin and it wasn't until early 2009 that I realised how very wrong I was. "Sasha Fierce" has been the soundtrack to my year. I just change the tracklist according to my mood. When I landed in hospital I played "Halo" on repeat for weeks (I really don't know why), when I was loved up I preferred "Smash Into You" and "That's Why You're Beautiful", when I broke up I moved on to "Disappear" and when I occasionally unleash my inner man whore I give "Ego" a spin. There's literally a song for every occasion!

Aus #14, Ger #14, UK #27

Aus #31, NZ #32, US #65

The amazing thing about "I Am... Sasha Fierce" is that it has continued to sell despite the worst single choices since Kylie's "X" debacle. Things started well with "If I Were A Boy", "Single Ladies" and "Halo" but it's all been down hill since there with the exception of "Sweet Dreams". "Ego", "Diva", "Broken Hearted Girl" and "Videophone" were all terrible choices that were only saved by remarkably good remixes. I could understand if there wasn't much to choose from but "Sasha Fierce" is an embarrassment of riches. "Radio" (a top 20 hit in Holland oddly enough!) is the most commercial pop song on the album and has hit written all over it. "Hello" (or "Hellllooooowww" as I like to call it) should have been a single. Even the hardcore fans don't seem to like this one but I think it's more addictive than heroin. As far as ballads are concerned "Smash Into You" is one of the prettiest songs I've ever heard, while "Disappear" and "That's Why You're Beautiful" are further proof of Beyoncé's stunning versatility. Hell, even the bonus tracks were better than some of the singles. It's frustrating but I'm also kind of glad that my faves haven't been played to death on the radio. Now they're just there for me and the 6 million or so other people who bought the album. I was going to finish this post with a video clip but I've decided to go with the cinematic highlight of 2009 instead. Beyoncé's trashtastic fight scene in "Obsessed" is a future cult classic - and a potent reminder not to fuck with B (or to let her act in any more movies)!

Dannii's 95 Sessions - Reviewed

If strong winds ruined your hairstyle and blew the washing off the line on Monday morning, never fear. It's not the onset of a hurricane - just music lovers around the world breathing a collective sigh of relief that Dannii's "The 95 Sessions" has finally been released. As most of you are probably aware, the Queen of Club's latest X Factor cash-in compiles material originally recorded for her third album way back in 1994-1995. Unfortunately, the album was scrapped (I blame Kylie's then waning popularity - that thoughtless bitch!) and the songs have spent the past fifteen years gathering dust. Probably in a box under Dannii's bed, next to her vibrators and lesbian porn... but I digress. I've always been hugely intrigued by the so called 'lost years' of Dannii's career and was genuinely excited about this release. So the big question is: Was it worth the wait? The answer is a resounding yes.

I hate to speak ill of Australia's greatest living talent, so I'll get a couple of criticisms out of the way first. Namely, a handful of tracks sound like rejects from "Get Into You". The faux R'n'B ballads will only appeal to Dannii's hardcore fans and the entire album sounds brutally dated. The thing is - I love "Get Into You" and of course the production is rougher than Britney's voice without autotune. After all, this shit is nearly 15 years old! Now for the good news. The majority of the album is a treasure trove of trashy 90s dance anthems. Songs like "Free Your Love", "Crazy (For Your Love)" and the original version of "Everlasting Night" are classics that deserved to be loved and cherished by fans. More importantly, "The 95 Sessions" documents Dannii's transformation from white Janet into the holy patron of gay nightclubs. It was during this period that our beloved icon began to explore club beats in earnest and first worked with long time collaborators Ian Masterson and Terry Ronald. The results are a bit patchy but the potential for pop greatness is palpable. Here is my track by track review:

Free Your Love

Of all the unreleased trash clogging up Nathan's iPod, this is the song I've been most desperate to hear. The prospect of Dannii collaborating with the Rapino Brothers had me salivating and the track took on an almost mystical status among fans after Dannii performed it along with the original "Everlasting Night" at several Pride events in the mid-90s. I'm pleased to say "Free Your Love" more than lives up to the hype. This exquisite dance anthem blends 90s house beats with Eurodance elements to stunning effect. I love Dannii's vocals and the soaring chorus is sublime. It has to be said that "Free Your Love" is better than anything the Rapino Brothers ever produced for Kylie ("Difficult By Design", "Gotta Move On" and the trashtastic "Aston Martin").

Skin Deep

I'm highly amused that the man behind @m8er's "Kill That Bitch" cut his teeth producing cheesy club anthems for Dannii. Ollie J certainly knows how to sniff out unique talent! The first of his two contributions to "The 95 Sessions" is a full blooded blast of 90s club goodness. The cheesy keyboards push all my buttons and the lyrics are typically inane dancefloor fodder. This reminds me of the early output of American divas like Kristine W and Ultra Nate. Not the best thing on the album but definitely worth checking out.

Love & Affection

Now this is cute. "Love & Affection" is a cheerful little pop tune with a catchy chorus and some of the album's crispest beats. It reminds me of an M People remix, which has to be a good thing.

Let Love Into Your Life

I feel like I'm repeating myself but "Let Love Into Your Life" is another unexpectedly accomplished dose of 90s dance music. This time around the sound is distinctly American - think Dannii meets C&C Music Factory - but it works brilliantly. The Queen of Club's unleashes one her strongest vocal performances and the backing vocalists add another layer to the song. The production is a little clumsy but this is a minor triumph.

Everlasting Night (Original Version)

"The 95 Sessions" is worth buying for the original "Everlasting Night" alone. The remake (a #42 smash hit in 1999) is a gay classic in Australia. I still remember the media furore over Dannii's lesbian kiss in the video and the song automatically evokes happy memories of Mardi Gras parties and clubbing adventures. However, as much as I love the 99 version, it pales in comparison to the original. I've had a demo of this (below) for years but hearing the song in high quality underlines its vast superority. I know the Droids will be out for blood when I say this but "Everlasting Night '95" strikes me as being very much a Kylie record. There's a vulnerability to Dannii's vocal delivery that I normally only associate with her sister. The song's melancholy/whimsical undertone - despite the perky lyrics and upbeat nature of the track - is also a Kylie trademark. I can't express how much I love this. It could have been Dannii's "Better The Devil You Know", making it almost as much of a missed opportunity as "Come & Get It".

The demo version of "Everlasting Night '95"

Crazy (For Your Love)

"Crazy (For Your Love)" is another contribution from One World (the producers behind "Everlasting Night") and it's only slightly less fabulous. I love the splashes of disco amongst all the Hi-NRG goodness and even pick up a faint hint of Stock Aitken Waterman. My only complaint is that it sounds unfinished. The verses are a little underdone and the production isn't as tight as it could be. This is a treat nonetheless.

Take My Time Loving You

You can basically copy everything I wrote about "Crazy (For Your Love)" and paste it here. Only "Take My Time Loving You" is slightly more commercial and has an ever so subtle Motown flavour. Good, solid pop.

Love In Me

I was wondering if the Queen of Club's would flaunt her sexy side on this collection and, as it turns out, she does. There's something innately fabulous about Dannii singing sultry lyrics like "Baby, take control" and "I wanna get your love in me tonight". Not exactly subtle! As much as I like sleazy Dannii, I think this is slightly disappointing - particularly given the involvement of the Rapino Brothers. The production is woefully dated and the chorus fails to fire. One of the few tracks I've been skipping.

Exclusively

Ollie J's second contribution to "The 95 Sessions" is a perky urban club jam. I think @m8er should cover "Exclusively" for her album - it's cute and holds up remarkably well. It's a bit of a throwback to "Get Into You" but if you like urban Dannii, this is very much worth checking out.

Love Will Find A Way

Another "Get Into You" type mid-tempo pop song with a smooth R'n'B sheen. I personally love this sound but I know a lot of fans hate it and the song doesn't fit particularly well with the dance anthems. The highlight is definitely the beautiful vocal. Terry Ronald really knows how to bring the best out of Dannii's heavenly pipes.

Don't Wanna Leave You Now

The poor man's "I Don't Wanna Take This Pain". The production is lush and Dannii's voice shines but "Don't Wanna Leave You Now" sounds like it should be blasting from an elevator. Dull and boring.

Coconut (Original Version)

This mess is an insult to the 98 version. Avoid at all costs!

Free Your Love (Extended Mix)

Blissful, even better than the album version. Dig out a lime green t-shirt, polish your glowsticks and dance to this jam like it's 1995.

"The Dance Sessions" was released in the UK on the 7th of December. You can order the CD from Amazon, HMV and Play.

Amanda Lear - Brand New Love Affair

Less than a month ago I reviewed Amanda Lear's "Brief Encounters" album and clearly riled some fans (if the comments were any indication) by suggesting that it wasn't all that good. In retrospect, I think I was actually quite restrained - particularly when you compare it to the amazing "Brand New Love Affair". Before I get into my review, I should recap the situation for the uninitiated. Both albums were originally part of the same project but subsequently split into separate releases in Italy ("Brief Encounters") and France ("Brand New love Affair"). New tracks were then recorded especially for the latter. As it turns out, the French got the far better deal. "Brand New Love Affair" is easily Amanda's best studio album since the 1980s. It's edgy and contemporary yet completely true to the great diva's disco roots. A lot of love went into this release. There are subtle references to Ms Lear's classic hits and an attention to detail that is absent from the Italian release. Most impressively, "Brand New Love Affair" finally provides Amanda with material worthy of her talent. The three new songs (there are also a couple of covers and remixes) are absolutely stunning and rival anything in the charts. It's not a perfect album (I'll get to that later) but this mini-opus is a real treat for fans and the perfect introduction for newcomers.

"Brand New Love Affair" begins in fine style with the lead single and title track. Written and produced by T1 (Australia's Peter Wilson and Chris Richards), the song is an eccentric electro dance anthem that pays homage to the 70s classic "Follow Me" in its structure and quirky lyrics. Amanda sounds amazing on this and she was born to sing/speak lines like "I'm in the mood for pleasure and sin" in her sultry accent. The production keeps a lid on the camp during the verses before exploding into a fabulous Eurodance chorus. As much as I love "Brand New Love Affair", it is a grower and took me a few listens to get into. It's also probably my least favourite of the new tracks, which just goes to prove how good the others are. Take the next song for example. "Coming Up" is one of the best dance anthems of 2009. T1 have crafted a dark and dirty electro stomper with an insanely catchy chorus and irresistible hook. I hear traces of "Intellectually" from 1979's iconic "Never Trust A Pretty Face" album, which makes the track doubly enjoyable for old school fans. It would be absolutely criminal if this isn't released a single.

After a couple of very contemporary dance tracks, Amanda throws her trashy fans a bone in the form of Hi-NRG dance cover of "I Am What I Am". Every gay icon from Gloria Gaynor to Pia Zadora has interpreted this anthem but none have done it quite like the Queen of Chinatown. This now takes pride of place next to "Love Boat" and "No Credit Card" on my high camp Amanda Lear iTunes playlist. The low brow detour is a lot of fun but the album's real strength lies in its new material and it doesn't get much better than "C'est La Vie". This is probably the most traditional dance-pop song that Amanda has ever recorded as far as structure and lyrical content is concerned but the result stunning. The chorus is pure dynamite and T1's production lifts the track to a whole new level. I also need to give Australia's Susie Ahern a shout out. The 90s dance diva's backing vocals are amazing and give the track an unexpected depth and warmth. The next song is a new ten minute chill out dance remix of "Kiss Me, Honey, Honey, Kiss Me" (a Shirley Bassey cover) from Amanda's 2006 album "With Love". It's nice but slightly disappointing considering what comes before it. I'm not sure who produced it but the sound is also slightly dated.

Unfortunately, it's all downhill from there. I like the remixes of "C'est La Vie" and "Brand New Love Affair" but they don't improve on the originals and the final track "T1 Love Suite" turns out to be an 11 minute medley of those tracks with bits of "I Am What I Am" throw in for good measure. I believe the record company was inspired by 70s disco albums, which contained longer edits of fewer tracks but "Brand New Love Affair" feels unfinished. Two or three additional songs would have fleshed out the project and made it feel less repetitive. T1's sole contribution to "Brief Encounters" (an amazing cover of "Always On My Mind") would have fitted in perfectly here but the good thing about iTunes is the ability to mix and match your own album. Despite the anorexic tracklist, "Brand New Love Affair" is still a triumph. Unlike "Brief Encounters", it proves that Amanda can not only still cut it against today's leading dance divas but surpass them given the right material. The album is released physically in France on the 30th November but will also be available to download internationally from that date. Check out Amanda's Myspace for more details.

The Return Of Pearly Gates

What do you get when you cross a much loved disco icon with a gay porn star? Possibly the campest video ever filmed and one of 2009's most charming cougar comebacks. Pearly Gates' late 70s floorfillers "Burning Love" and "Fandango Dancing" are disco classics but I'm more familiar with the diva's mid-80s Hi-NRG output, particularly her brief stint at Ian Levine's label. That partnership produced the 1985 gay classic "Action" as well as a bunch of other pop gems that are compiled on her 1995 best of compilation. To be honest, I really don't know what Pearly has been up to since the mid-90s. I didn't even know she was still making music until a fellow trash fan sent me the link for "Stop For Love". The prospect of a new Pearly Gates track was exciting enough but I almost passed out when I saw the video - which features gay for pay porn star Zeb Atlas as the stunning 63 year old diva's toy boy lover! Pearly redefines fabulous as she rolls around in bed with Zeb and the completely gratuitous shirtless scenes are entirely welcome. However, the video's greatest achievement is coming across as sweet instead of sleazy. This could have been all kinds of nasty but the result is overwhelmingly cute. And the music? Well, "Stop For Love" could have been recorded in 1977. The old school soul vibe gracefully incorporates disco elements with a low key pop sensibility. I just hope there are some remixes on the horizon! Pearly's catchy jam will feature on her forthcoming album "On A Winning Streak". Make way for one of the fiercest women in music.

Telephone Vs Videophone

As I'm sure everyone with an internet connection is already aware, the world's two biggest pop stars recently teamed up for not one but two duets. As an an ardent Lady GaGa supporter and Beyoncé's self-proclaimed number 1 Australian fan, the prospect of these fierce bitches joining forces got me more than a little hot under the collar. It's not just that I love their music. I genuinely believe Beyoncé and Lady GaGa are pop circa 2009. Lady GaGa did the impossible by making Madonna redundant in the space of a year and continues to take dance-pop to dizzying new heights, while Beyoncé staked her claim as the undisputed Queen of the urban scene and revolutionised the way albums are marketed in the process with her dual singles and Sasha Fierce alter ego. That's not even touching on the impact of their iconic styling and music videos.

Well, both duets finally leaked and my expectations have not only been met but well and truly exceeded. Admittedly, that wasn't particularly hard when it came to "Videophone". I'm still fuming about that trash being selected as the 8th single from "Sasha Fierce". Beyoncé's album is bursting with songs that most divas would kill for ("Radio", "Smash Into You" and "Disappear" come to mind) and she goes with the stinker about leaving a filthy video message on someone's iPhone. Smart thinking. There's not a lot Lady GaGa could do to improve this apart from press the delete button in the studio but I like the new verses and GaGa's rap isn't as embarrassing as it could have been. I'm pretty sure "Videophone" was only chosen as a single to link in with "Telephone", so I guess it does what it's supposed to and all Beyoncé tracks are eventually rescued by a fagtastic dance remix - so I'll happily make do with this until then.

Listen here

The real triumph, however, is Lady GaGa's "Telephone". I've spent the entire afternoon listening to "The Fame Monster" and I vastly prefer it to "The Fame". Each track is brilliant and this duet is no exception. According to rumours, GaGa actually wrote "Telephone" for Britney's "Circus" album and the world's favourite mime artist must be kicking herself for turning it down. This song is the shit. I'm probably the only person who loves (the unremixed version of) "Beautiful Liar" but unlike that superstar duet, "Telephone" delivers what fans want from their two favourite pop divas - an insanely catchy club anthem with quotable lyrics and almost endless remix potential. Funnily enough, even though this is most definitely a Lady GaGa track, Beyoncé's verse steals the show. I love it when B unleashes her inner angry black woman (see the underrated but amazing "Ring The Alarm") and I get tingles when she yells "cause this is a disaster!" Darkchild deserves a lot of credit. I used to think he was a spent force but this is his best production in years. Bring on the video clip/s!!

Listen here

Ness Ness & The Album Of The Year

The stars have finally aligned for Ness Ness. She's driving her lesbian fanbase wild with a sexy new look, recently celebrated her first #1 hit and, most importantly, finally delivered the brilliant album she's been threatening to unleash since her debut way back in 2000. "Hazardous" really takes things to the next level. It blends the soulful elements of "Somewhere In The Real World" with a more contemporary pop sensibility (courtesy of Swedish producers MachoPsycho) to stunning effect. To be honest, it's a familiar formula. Dr Luke and Max Martin perfected the power pop/rock genre working with the likes of P!nk, Katy Perry and Kelly Clarkson but this is one of the rare examples of someone jumping on a bandwagon and accidentally finding their true calling. Kind of like when Dannii stopped pretending to be Janet Jackson in the mid 90s and went on to revolutionise popular music as we know it. Despite undeniable similarities with the aforementioned divas, "Hazardous" still sounds fresh and original - largely due to Vanessa's powerhouse vocals, endearing sense of humour and quirky lyrics. After all, this is an album that features songs about masturbation, dating drug addicts and extraterrestrials! Ness Ness takes to her new genre like a slut to cock and the result is my favourite album of 2009 (thus far). Here's my track by track review:

This Is Who I Am - 10/10

I think I've already written enough about the album's cracking lead single. Several hundred listens on and I still not sick of it. Just remember to close your eyes and pretend the hideous video is bad dream. Vanessa's recent #1 hit is a definite contender for my single of the year.

Mr Mysterious - 8/10

Just between you and me, I think MachoPsycho stole the bassline and crunchy guitars from P!nk but I'm willing to turn a blind eye given the overall quality of their production. I love the vocal layering and subtle hooks, not to mention the electronic flourishes and catchy "woah woahs". This is the perfect sound palette for Vanessa's effortless rock chick twang and she vamps it up for all she's worth. My only criticism is Seany B's (best known for TV ROCK's "Flaunt It") pointless rap. It's desperate and more than a little embarrassing.

Holiday - 8/10

Now, this is an unexpectedly camp delight. Vanessa's Swedish producers show their versatility by concocting a breezy summer party jam. The track automatically makes me think of Dannii sunning her baps in Ibiza but knowing Ness Ness it's probably about spending a weekend at the Coffs Harbour Motor Inn. Anyway, "Holiday" is perfect radio fodder for the warmer months and I get tingles in unexpected places when Vanessa moans "we all have needs". High quality filler.

Hazardous - 10/10

The album's first non-MachoPsycho produced unexpectedly turns out to be one of the highlights. "Hazardous" closely follows the Max Martin/Dr Luke recipe of synth driven pop/rock with a guitar heavy chorus and electro-tinged verses. It's been done before but why fuck with a winning formula? What makes this considerably better than many of the songs it's so clearly modelled on is the strength of the songwriting and Vanessa's amazing vocal delivery. Moving from soft and wistful in the verses to smoky and explosive in the chorus - "Hazardous" showcases one of the best voices in music.

Off On My Kiss - 7/10

Ness gets a bit sexy on this one but it's perhaps the album's least appealing moment. The song has an insistent beat and the chorus is cute but "Off On My Kiss" suffers from over-production. Making Vanessa sound computer generated should constitute some kind of crime but it's hard to be annoyed when you're happily humming along with inane lyrics like "I'll get you off on my kiss".

Show Me How To Love - 7/10

If I have one major criticism of "Hazardous" it would be that the second half is considerably stronger than the first. The first time I heard the album I was starting to lose a bit of enthusiasm at this point. Fans of "Somewhere In The Real World" will devour "Show Me How To Love" but I could do without the flashback. Co-written with frequent collaborator Pam Reswick, the track re-visits the soulful ground covered on Vanessa's last album. It's nice to hear a ballad that Ness can get her teeth stuck into after so many uptempo tracks but this is no "Perfect". Pleasant but slightly boring.

Aliens And UFOs - 8/10

Vanessa's ode to the supernatural gives me the giggles. Poor Ness has clearly spent too many nights smoking pot and watching X Files but, really, who hasn't? I like the song's slightly rockier feel and MachoPsycho add their usual polish to the production. The highlight for me is the catchy chorus, with the quirky spoken interlude about Vanessa's super powers coming a close second. This is basically a hot mess but I love that Ness has mixed it up and tried new things. MachoPsycho have really helped absolutely everybody's favourite diva express her more eccentric side.

Summer Nights - 9/10

When I saw "Summer Nights" on the tracklist I secretly hoped it was an Olivia Newton-John cover because I'm really that sad. As it turns out, it's not but Vanessa's nostalgic tour de force is almost as good. I love the breezy mid-tempo production and the naive lyrics, which cover everything from sleepless summer nights to politically incorrect lollies. Speaking of the latter, I still remember buying those chocolate cigarettes from our school canteen! There's just something sweet and quintessentially Australian about this track. "Summer Nights" doesn't scream hit but it's a little gem all the same.

Touch Me - 10/10

This is the dirtiest Australian pop song since Dannii explored the weird and wonderful world of sitting on speakers (*cough*) on "Vibe On"! Needless to say, "Touch Me" is all kinds of fabulous. What did those dodgy Swedes slip our Ness before she sat down to write stunning lyrics about masturbation and getting horny "from the vibrations off the floor"? I demand an inquest. Poetic lyrics aside, "Touch Me" also boasts the kind of slinky beats and throbbing baseline usually only associated with urban pop stars. In fact, this masterpiece reminds me of the filth Prince used to write for Sheena Easton in the 80s. Put "Touch Me" in your sexy times playlist between "Sugar Walls" and La Toya's "Sexual Feeling". I dare Universal to release this as a single.

Baby's On Ice - 10/10

From masturbation to hard drugs, Vanessa is clearly on a roll. The first time I heard this I thought it was just another cheerful love song until I started paying a bit more attention to the lyrics. Lines like "he always comes back with his lips all chewed and cracked" and "if the sun don't shine that day that's even more reason to get hazed" are fairly subtle but Ness makes it clear she's singing about the joys of romancing a junkie with "he's not a bad person, he's just a little messed up". Songs about drugs aren't exactly rare but I can't remember one this chirpy. My favourite part is when the backing singers merrily break into "he's on ice, ice baby"! Wonderfully tasteless and politically incorrect.

Sleep With That - 7/10

You can basically copy and paste everything I wrote about "Off On My Kiss" for this song. It's a fairly appealing fuck you to a cheating boyfriend but the production is overbearing and Vanessa appears to have forgotten to write a chorus. "Sleep With That" isn't bad by any means, it just suffers by comparison with the rest of the album.

Higher Ground - 9/10

Pam Reswick makes a second appearance on the album but unlike "Show Me How To Love", this doesn't sound like a reject from "Somewhere In The Real World". While not reaching the glorious heights of "Shine" or "Perfect", "Higher Ground" still ranks as one of Vanessa's finest ballads and I wouldn't be surprised if it's a (very safe) single somewhere down the track. The song is beautifully constructed and Ness sounds amazing on it. She really lets loose and shows off her full range. "Higher Ground" is a reminder that while Vanessa can take P!nk and Katy Perry on at their own game, neither of them could pull off something like this.

Blow Me Away - 10/10

Co-written by Steve Diamond and Matthew Gerrard (Dulta's "Lost Without You" and Kelly Clarkson's "Breakaway"), "Blow Me Away" is another perfectly crafted power pop anthem. Crunchy guitars blend effortlessly with pounding beats and the odd synth to produce one of the album's standout tracks. I'm a sucker for a catchy chorus and this baby is utterly ruthless. One listen and you're hooked. "Blow Me Away" has hit written all over it but I'd still prefer Universal to go with the title track or "Touch Me" (if they're feeling ballsy) next. The second half of "Hazardous" really is quite outstanding.

Snitch - 7.5/10

What a bizarre way to close the album. This languid jam has a soulful edge that wouldn't sound out of place on "Somewhere In The Real World" but the playful lyrics and experimental production are right at home on "Hazardous". I didn't know what to make of this the first time I heard it - particularly Vince Colosimo's bizarre contribution - but it's strangely catchy and a total grower. "Snitch" is also another example of the winning eccentricity that permeates the album, which is part of what makes it so special.

The Ultimate Dannii Promo

This is quite simply THE most amazing thing I've ever seen in my entire life. It captures the essence of Dannii, her stunning artistry and undeniable genius perfectly. Watch this and weep tears of pure joy.

Amanda Lear - Brief Encounters Review

Now this is a bit confusing, so please bear with me. Way back in January I wrote a post announcing Amanda Lear's comeback album and even provided a tentative tracklist. The good news is that "Brief Encounters" has finally been released. Albeit only in Italy. Now, here's where things get a little complicated. The album will be released in France on the 23rd of November (and subsequently in the rest of the world) as "Brand New Love Affair" - with a completely different tracklisting! The albums also have distinctly different themes. The Italian release is a double CD comprised of an acoustic disc and a dance/remix disc, while the French version is a disco concept album. I haven't heard "Brand New Love Affair" in full yet but it appears that most of the best tracks have ended up on that album. However, that's not to say that the Italian version is a write off. "Brief Encounters" is a great listen and contains several Lear-tastic pop gems. If this is the reject album (so to speak) - the real deal should be amazing!

Disc 1

Despite mainly featuring acoustic/pared back covers, disc 1 kicks off with the album's mid-tempo lead single "Someone Else's Eyes" - an appealing duet with the album's main producer Deadstar. I like the song but I prefer the airbrushed to the point of being animated video clip. Watch a preview above. The next song is more reflective of this half of the album. Amanda shows Amy Winehouse a thing or two about being a real diva on her surprisingly fabulous cover of "Back To Black". The jazzy sound suits Ms Lear perfectly and she was born to sing the line "he left no time to regret, kept his dick wet"! "Cupidon", a pretty ballad performed in French, is followed by a sax-tastic version of the Lenny Kravitz hit "I Belong To You". Amanda sounds great but I don't like the musical arrangement. It sounds like elevator music from the 80s. The same could be said for "I Don't Wanna Lose You", which is similarly sleep inducing. Happily, "Fallin' In Love Again" is more lively and stands out as the album's only contemporary pop-rock track.

"Je m'appelle Amanda" is poignant for the clearly autobiographical lyrics, while the jaunty accordion wouldn't sound out of place in a Parisian cafe. Unfortunately, "Let's Love" is another snail paced ballad that sounds like it was stolen from Kenny G circa 1984 but Amanda's smokey cover of Lou Reed's "Perfect Day" is touching despite being marred by excessive lashings of saxophone. The covers continue unabated with a cute version of Françoise Hardy's "Comment Te Dire Adieu", which has more than a touch of Austin Powers about it. The Queen of Chinatown's take on David Bowie's "Sorrow" is a real highlight. The arrangement is relatively faithful to the original and the song choice is sentimental given that the great diva appeared in the original video clip (below). I was really concerned about the next song but "Suicide Is Painless" (better known as the MASH theme song) is a minor triumph. Amanda brings real gravitas to the proceedings and the result is tender and real. Disc 1 finishes on a rather insipid note with "Secret Lover" but there is a lot to enjoy on the first half of "Brief Encounters".

Disc 2

I suspect that most fans will be far more interested in the trashtastic second disc, which returns Amanda to dancefloor. The disc opens with an unexpected cover of Peter Wilson's "Doin' Fine". Peter is a friend of mine - so I'm probably a bit biased - but I prefer his version. The production on this is just lazy. It's exactly the same backing track as Peter's version! Rather more appealing is the dance remix of "Someone Else's Eyes", which is pure Hi-NRG cheese. I love the floaty Euro beats and really think this should have been the single version. Next up is the first of three versions of "This Is Not America" (not a David Bowie cover as first reported). The song is a surprisingly dark dance anthem with political lyrics and it works quite well. However, I think three remixes is a bit of overkill. Disco fans will be more interested in Amanda's interpretation of Giorgio Moroder's "Let The Music Play". I love this. The production is a bit kooky at times but a talented DJ could work wonders with it. However, the album's best cover version is yet to come. As far as I'm concerned "Brief Encounters" is worth tracking down for Ms Lear's stunning cover of "Always On My Mind" alone. This is the only T1 production (Peter Wilson and Chris Richards) on the Italian release and it's a winner. Think the Pet Shop Boys meet Kate Ryan (if she could sing) and you have some idea of what this achingly pretty, synth drenched treat sounds like. The boys also deliver a fantastic club mix. The last notable track on Disc 2 is "For What I Am". Amusingly, the song comes with an R'n'B remix but it's pretty dull by Amanda's lofty standards and brings down what is a highly enjoyable collection of dance tunes and remixes.

"Brief Encounters" is available to order from FNAC Italy but they don't ship to Australia (or America by the look of it), so your best bet is Ebay. Amanda's Italian opus is a lot of fun and essential for fans of disco's most fabulous diva but it's very uneven. There are some great moments but the album has clearly been padded with filler and unnecessary remixes - probably because most of the quality tracks ended up on the French release if the buzz on Myspace and Facebook is any indication. Speaking of which, check out a preview of the title track and lead single from "Brand New Love Affair" (below). I'll post more details about that release very soon.