Bow Down To Billiam

My prayers have finally been answered. Britain's trashiest boyband has returned to revolutionise the music world with another scintillating pop classic! "My Generation" is a perfect example of the fabulous crap Billiam is (not that) famous for. A hands in the air chorus, meaningless lyrics, gloriously cheesy production courtesy of ex-PWL programmer Ian Curnow and a video clip (below) that makes Kylie's "All I See" look like Ben Hur in comparison. All we need is another nude photoshoot! That's not to suggest that the Billiam boys are resting on their laurels and serving up the same old shit. There has been a line up change and their sound is slightly less tragic this time around. "My Generation" actually sounds like it could have been recorded this decade! Happily, the highly recommended Sleazesisters Mix is the slice of pure trash heaven that I have come to expect from the UK's greatest living band. You'll find that remix, along with 29 - yes, TWENTY NINE - other remixes on Australian iTunes! Excitingly, the song looks set to debut in the UK top 30 on Monday.

ATTENTION Take That. You are a pack of boring, old cunts with bad hair and double chins. It's time to step aside for Billiam before you send yet another defenceless granny into a sugar coma with your shitty ballads and dreary mid-tempo jams. I thank you.

Vanilla Sky's Umbrella

What could be more perfect for a rainy Saturday morning than a craptacular Eurotrash cover of "Umbrella"? From country queens to pop divas, it seems like every cunt with a microphone has had a go at Rihanna's ode to friendship and wet weather. Youtube is positively flooded with covers but none match the craptastic glory of Vanilla Sky's rendition. Under normal circumstances, I can't imagine paying too much attention to this Italian boyband. Their music is pleasant enough - catchy pop punk of the McFly/Good Charlotte variety with a distinct Euro twist - but I prefer my music coming out of the mouth of an ageing has-been diva, preferably accompanied by a trashy dance beat. It takes something extra special to take me out of my comfort zone and Vanilla Sky deliver just that in the form of a jaw droppingly fabulous video clip!

Not content to simply transform Rihanna's urban jam into a heavily accented pop rock anthem, the boys reenact the film clip - dressed as the Barbadian diva! The result is one of the funniest videos I've seen in a very long time. The opening scene is kind of disturbing but I love the drag ballet and the guy straightening his hair with a hot iron. However, I think my favourite part is the dorky guy working it in a wet nightie. Rock videos haven't been this camp since the glory days of Freddie Mercury! Vanilla Sky originally posted "Umbrella" on their Myspace but I believe it's starting to gain airplay across Europe. Rihanna must be pissed!

Britain's Trashiest Boyband - Billiam

Every now and again I stumble across an act so amazingly trashtastic that I'm almost lost for words. A perfect example is Britain's latest boyband "sensation", Billiam. Thrown together during a nationwide talent search, the boys spent 2007 busily raising their profile by partaking in homoerotic photoshoots (above) and touring schools and chavtastic discos across the UK. I'm usually not a boyband fan but Billiam's stunning musical talent and classy image won me over instantly. Take the band's #32 smash hit debut single, "Beautiful Ones". Most boybands stick to the tried and tested route of dreary ballads and uninspired mid-tempo grooves to sell records. Not Billiam! They chose an unfathomably camp Hi-NRG dancefloor anthem reminiscent of something the Vengaboys recorded in 1997. As much as I worship the artistry on display in "Beautiful Ones", I'm even more taken with the B-side "Boyz Text Girlz" (currently streaming on their myspace). This stunning anthem about love via mobile phones is a pop trash classic with brilliant lyrics like "your ringtone says one message received, so open up your mail and see that it's from me"! It should have been a single! In the meantime enjoy Billiam's jaw dropping "Beautiful Ones" video clip. You can buy "Beautiful Ones" from Amazon UK or download it from 7digital.