Kaylah Marin - On The Floor

I was introduced to Kaylah Marin's powerful pipes about a year ago. Her debut album had just been released and was getting a fair amount of buzz among neo-soul fans. "Loving Life" never really took off despite the involvement of super producer Narada Michael Walden (Whitney, Mariah and Aretha) and I completely forgot about the diva until remixes of her latest single arrived in my inbox a couple of weeks ago. Imagine my surprise when I gave them a spin and realised Kaylah had momentarily ditched the R'n'B scene in favour of the bright lights of... gay nightclubs. It's an unlikely transformation but the radical overhaul of "On The Floor" is a stroke of genius. The slow funk of the original has been replaced with trashtastic dance beats and an explosive chorus that allows Kaylah's deep, soulful voice free reign. Think Jocelyn Brown with Kim Sozzi production values. Yes, it's that amazing! It seems I'm not the only gay to fall under the dance diva's spell. "On The Floor" is currently sitting pretty at #9 on the US Club Chart ahead of Ke$ha, Madonna and Rihanna. Speaking of stunning achievements, the film clip (below) has just dropped and it ranks alongside "Single Ladies" and "Bad Romance" as one of the most... unforgettable videos of the past 5 years. And yes, I've checked - this is official! Kaylah's anthem is available to download from iTunes now.

The Tragifabulous Return Of Cascada

After years of releasing mechanical cover versions and soulless trance anthems, Cascada has finally decided to switch things up by ripping off Lady GaGa. The lead single from the German dance outfit's third album dropped this week and it's a virtual line by line re-make of "Just Dance" - down to the rap interlude! I'm usually pretty brutal about Cascada but "Evacuate The Dancefloor" (the puns I could make!) is a step in the right direction. Sure, it's a woeful exercise in plagiarism but at least they're paying homage to a great song. I think the staccato electro beats suit Natalie's robotic vocals surprisingly well and the rap isn't as unfortunate as it could have been. Admittedly, the production is more Berman Brothers than Red One but they deserve some points for trying! Put on your Poker Face and check out the video (below). "Evacuate The Dancefloor" is a true guilty pleasure.

Bow Down To Billiam

My prayers have finally been answered. Britain's trashiest boyband has returned to revolutionise the music world with another scintillating pop classic! "My Generation" is a perfect example of the fabulous crap Billiam is (not that) famous for. A hands in the air chorus, meaningless lyrics, gloriously cheesy production courtesy of ex-PWL programmer Ian Curnow and a video clip (below) that makes Kylie's "All I See" look like Ben Hur in comparison. All we need is another nude photoshoot! That's not to suggest that the Billiam boys are resting on their laurels and serving up the same old shit. There has been a line up change and their sound is slightly less tragic this time around. "My Generation" actually sounds like it could have been recorded this decade! Happily, the highly recommended Sleazesisters Mix is the slice of pure trash heaven that I have come to expect from the UK's greatest living band. You'll find that remix, along with 29 - yes, TWENTY NINE - other remixes on Australian iTunes! Excitingly, the song looks set to debut in the UK top 30 on Monday.

ATTENTION Take That. You are a pack of boring, old cunts with bad hair and double chins. It's time to step aside for Billiam before you send yet another defenceless granny into a sugar coma with your shitty ballads and dreary mid-tempo jams. I thank you.

Listening To This Hurts The Most

Even the most casual reader of Pop Trash Addicts has surely realised by now that I don’t give a fuck about musical credibility, originality or artistic integrity. Disco dykes? Yes, please! Poptastic grannies? Gimme more! Foul mouthed trannies? Even better! And yet, as much as I revel in the trashy side of pop, I remain strangely immune to the dubious charms of Cascada – the massively successful Eurotrance outfit fronted by a horse faced German diva called Natalie. A collection of trance cover versions cheesier than a piss pig's cock, their debut album seemed destined for an AATW clearance sale but stunned everyone by becoming a global chart smash despite sounding like it had been dragged kicking and screaming from 1996. Don’t get me wrong – I like Cascada’s music but I fully expected them to slide into oblivion with the grace of 2 Unlimited or the Real McCoy. Their continued success seems, well, completely unnecessary.

Cascada returned to the UK top 10 in December with another craptastic cover version, “What Hurts The Most” and it’s now Australia’s turn to experience the wonder of their latest Euro-turd. Surprisingly, I’m finding it hard to muster a lot of enthusiasm. “What Hurst The Most” is shiny slice of commercial trance that will no doubt compel trashbags across the nation to grab the nearest glow stick but I can’t get past the grimly manufactured sound, the almost clinical lack of emotion and the lazy song selection. “What Hurts The Most” has been covered several times, first by Jo O’Meara (of S Club 7 “fame”) before more recently being given the country treatment by Rascal Flatts. I like both versions but Jo’s lovely rendition is proof that pop and emotion are not mutually exclusive. Shame she turned out to be a suicidal racist. It’s not all bad, I guess. D’Luv revealed his secret heterosexual yearnings by waxing lyrical about Caskanka’s breasts, while Jamie from Poplicious highlights the innate camp appeal of the video clip (below), which finds our beloved Teutonic automaton singing heartbreaking lyrics with a beaming smile while being tattooed –no less!

As rubbish as the song is, I'm still rather taken by Yanou's obligatory Candlelight Mix. Stripped of its cheap trance trappings, this version actually sounds like it was sung by a human being instead of an emotionless robot. If “What Hurts The Most” rings your bell, take heart. Cascada’s new album, “Perfect Day”, serves up more of the same. I could only listen to it a couple of times before putting it to better use as a beer coaster but their version of Avril Lavigne’s “Sk8ter Boi” is a rather delicious concoction. “What Hurts The Most” is released in Australia on the 18th of February. Order your copy here.

2 Very Trashy Girls!

I've been obsessed with 2 Girls ever since my lovely friend Lexy sent me the link to their jaw-droppingly craptastic "Fallin' Angels" video clip (below). I was immediately smitten by the tacky production and incompetent "special effects", not to mention their disturbingly robotic vocals and tragic dancing ability. However, I became seriously hooked when I realised that these stunning divas were the daughters of Z-grade movie icon Judy Landers and thus, nieces of the delightful Audrey Landers - one of my favourite 80s pop stars! Lindsey and Kristy obviously inherited their phenomenal talent from the Landers' family gene pool but they still have a lot to learn from their fierce mother and auntie (pictured above). Where is the obligatory faux lesbian Playboy photoshoot for Landers siblings? The wooden acting? The fabulously inane lyrics about Spanish beaches? With their indisputable pedigree, I have no doubt 2 Girls will display all of these endearing qualities in their next big budget extravaganza and I, for one, can not wait!

Learn more about these goddesses on their Myspace. Unfortunately I can't find a lot of information about the release of "Fallin' Angels". It appears the lovely ladies have released an album exclusive to US Target stores and American iTunes but there are no details regarding an international version. If anyone knows where I get an MP3 of this masterpiece, I would be eternally grateful! The fabulousness of 2 Girls has inspired me to work on a post about Audrey Landers. Stay tuned!

Engelbert Humperdinck's Dance Album

I've decided to interrupt my recent posting spree of new Australian pop music to worship an album that has long been close to my heart. I don't think anyone will mind. If the overwhelming silence that greeted my posts on Cosima, Amy & Co is any indication, I assume you think they are a bunch of useless cunts anyway. And you could well be right. The same, however, can not be said for the subject of this post. Engelbert Humperdinck is a true legend (or so my mother tells me) and his dance album is one of the most delicious pop trash offerings of the last decade. Make no mistake, this album is cheesier than an unwashed cock dipped in fondue!

The most remarkable thing about Engelbert's dance experiment is the fact that the album is actually rather brilliant. Released in 1998, when Engelbert was a mere 62 years old, "The Dance Album" appears to be one of the first attempts to jump on Cher's "Believe" bandwagon. However, Engelbert's comeback as the undisputed king of the dancefloor took a slightly different approach. Firstly, he employed Chris Cox and Barry Harris to produce the whole album. Those names should be familiar to club queens because they are otherwise known as Thunderpuss and released a series of brilliant remixes for the likes of Whitney, Madonna and Britney in the late 1990s.

The album also differentiates itself from the other geriatric dance albums by mostly comprising of new, gayed-up versions of old hits. The dance re-makes of "Release Me" and "A Man Without Love" are truly sublime, while I never miss the opportunity to stun and amaze my guests by playing the glorious disco version of "The Last Waltz"! In addition revitalising several classic Humperdinck hits, the Thunderpuss boys also contribute four new songs. All of the new tunes make me moist but "Am I The Lover" is a craptastic masterpiece! Who wouldn't want to be serenaded by sexy Engelbert singing this anthem?! It's easy to dismiss "The Dance Album" as a gimmick or a tragic grasp for relevance by a fading star. However, it's much harder to ignore the album's enormous appeal or the overwhelming sense of fun that shines through each and every song.

"The Dance Album" can be purchased cheaply from Amazon and regularly turns up on Ebay.

Rebekah K - Fabulous No Hit Wonder!

My weekend was a complete fucking disaster. Some of the highlights include my boss calling an unscheduled 3 hour meeting at 6pm on Friday night, having my La Toya fan fiction banned from her forum due to a harmless passage involving La Toya going down on Celine Dion and vomiting on myself in the toilets of a popular gay nightclub on Saturday night. I've spent today nursing the hangover from hell, watching re-runs of Dallas (I am Sue Ellen!) and listening to the crappiest songs in my collection in a not completely vain attempt at cheering myself up. I found a box of old CD singles hidden away in a cupboard and one of the many hidden "treasures" I salvaged was Rebekah K's "Be My Baby".

I can only vaguely remember the release of "Be My Baby" in 2002. I can't tell you very much about Rebekah. As far as I know she only released 2 singles, both of which flopped spectacularly. The last I heard, she was performing as the opening act for one of the Australian Idol rejects last year, so I assume she is still in the music business. I wish her all the best because Rebekah K is all kinds of fabulous. "Be My Baby" is a pleasantly manufactured slice of bubblegum pop. The song is credited to the unlikely duo of Lenny Kravitz and Gerry DeVeaux (see the Marcia Vs Ultra Nate post below) but surely that is some kind of misprint. Since when has Lenny Kravitz been churning out gay pop anthems? "Be My Baby" is harmless fun but the B-side is the real jewel.

"Fire Engine" is one of the cutest pop songs ever to end up as a B-side for a floptastic diva. It reminds me of the Teen Queens' retro-pop without feeling quite as laboured. I was most amused to learn that the song was written by tragic pop diva Toni Pearen! I guess that explains why the song contains some of the most ridiculous lyrics ever recorded. To my ears, "Fire Engine" is a slice of heaven. I hope you all enjoy it.

Sadly, Rebekah K's stunning anthems are yet to appear on iTunes. You best bet is to have a look on Australian E-bay. Rebekah's website is still functional but hasn't been updated for some time.