Victoria Beckham's Stunning New Low

A couple of weeks ago I posted "My Love Is For Real" from Victoria Beckham's scrapped 2004 album and was genuinely surprised by the quality of the track. I even expressed my regret that the project was abandoned. Well, I take it all back. "My Love Is For Real" was the exception to the general rule of everything Skeletoria touches turning to shit. The poor thing is not only completely lacking in talent, she's also utterly delusional if the freshly leaked "Let My Hair Down" is any indication.

Victoria clearly wasn't satisfied with her first spectacularly unsuccessful urban makeover at the hands of Damon Dash and decided to have another stab at relaunching her career as a ghetto diva. What was the crazy bitch thinking? Dannii's "Party Jam" has more street cred than "Let My Hair Down". In fact, this sorry excuse for an urban jam is even less convincing than the two bowling balls attached to Sticky Vicky's chest. I'm not sure what's worse, the cheap production or Victoria inviting her man to "bounce" with her in da club. Bitch, please! The most disturbing thing is the fact that I have listened to this three and a half minute slice of aural torture more than once. I really am a whore for a useless diva with no discernible talent!

A big thanks to Magical Froggy for his stunning cover art!

Victoria's Scrapped Single

I love Victoria Beckham as a celebrity. Her "reality" TV show was pure bliss and I get a warm feeling inside every time I see her emaciated figure pinned into an unflattering designer gown on the red carpet. As a pop star, however, Skeletoria was as useless as an ashtray on a motorbike. Sticky Vicky's debut album showcased her lack of vocal talent to a terrifying extent, while her subsequent urban makeover still draws snickers of laughter. Despite her musical shortcomings, the recent leak of a new VB song still managed to trigger a ripple of excitement through the Spice Girls' amazingly loyal fanbase.

I'm no authority on Victoria's career, so I asked internationally renowned Spice expert Magical Froggy to provide some details on the story behind the Cathy Dennis penned track, "My Love Is For Real". Here's what he had to say:

"The single was supposed to be released in the summer of 2004 (after the Xmas success of Let Your Head Go/This Groove), but that was when the Rebecca Loos thing happened. Victoria was put under a lot of pressure by the media saying the affair was her fault as she was away all the time working on her failing music career. She then quit her music for the sake of her marriage. The most infuriating thing in my eyes! It's not Victoria's fault if David can't keep his dick under control!"

It's a shame that Victoria decided to pull the plug on her career after finally recording a decent song. "My Love Is For Real" is a lovely mid-tempo electro number that becomes more enjoyable with each listen. An album of this kind of material would have been most welcome but I guess it wasn't to be.

Thanks to everyone who sent me "My Love Is For Real". Magical Froggy deserves a special mention for his insight into Victoria's career and the fabulous mock cover. And no, I'm not sure what the fish is all about either!