Bottom Of The Barrel?

A novelty song by an ex-"Big Brother" contestant, whose lasting legacy was her ability to jiggle her flabby buttocks, may be construed by some as scraping the bottom of the musical barrel. Well, I really couldn't give a fuck when the bottom of the barrel sounds this good! Sara-Marie Fedele might be best remembered for her "erotic" bum dancing or possibly for having a breast lift on national television but these stunning accomplishments pale in significance to her contribution to the Australian music industry.

Sara-Marie featured on the first season of Australian "Big Brother" in 2001 and developed a cult following for her outrageous behaviour. When she was finally evicted from the house, some bright spark threw a record contract her way - despite Sara's complete and utter lack of musical talent. The resulting single, a dance cover of the Pointer Sisters' classic "I'm So Excited", should have been unbearably awful. The single version, which includes Sara-Marie calling out "bum dance" instructions, was terrible in a memorable sort of way. However, the "bum dance" free mix that I have uploaded is a trashtastic classic. In fact, listening to the song now, I can't help feeling that Sara missed her calling.

Sadly, Sara-Marie's trash classic is not available on iTunes. It might be worth keeping an eye on Australian Ebay for a physical copy.

The Gay Pimp Is My Hero

I know I must sound like a broken record but I find the new wave of gay pop acts unbearably shit. This is not open for discussion. Darren Hayes is a personality free zone, Will Young is a complete waste of space, Anthony Callea is a repulsive dwarf, Mika is a fugly hypocrite who wont even confirm that he's into cock and I really couldn't give a flying fuck about Rufus Wainwright, his cunt sister or his well hung German boyfriend. After the fabulous heights scaled by Pete Burns, Boy George and Paul Parker in the 1980s - how did it come to THIS? Thankfully, there is still one gay artist who makes brilliant pop music and actually has something to say. His name is Jonny McGovern and I worship the dirty, gay ground he walks on.

Jonny is probably best known as the Gay Pimp, the dashing superstar homosexual behind youtube classics "Soccer Practice" and "Lookin' Cute, Feelin' Cute". Mr McGovern started his career as a stand up comic before unintentionally revolutionising gay pop as we know it. The genius which "Soccer Practice" and "Lookin' Cute, Feelin' Cute" display is really quite dazzling. The Gay Pimp character is a human banner that screams "fuck you" to the multitude of gangster rappers who perpetuate homophobia in their lyrics. Jonny uses a medium known for its intolerance, turns it inside out and creates a queer utopia. Moreover, he has crafted two shining pop gems that work just as well without their hilarious videos. This is what, in my opinion, separates Jonny from other internet "celebrities". Behind the amusement lies one hell of a gifted songwriter.

In case you are the one gay who still hasn't seen the video for "Soccer Practice", brace yourself for one of the best pop songs of the decade!

The follow up "Lookin' Cute, Feelin' Cute" is an even bolder political statement. I can't emphasise how important it is to hear a gay man sing lyrics like "We can't get married but that's ok, we like to fuck too much anyway". It's not only amusing but it packs one hell of a punch. Unlike Darren Hayes and Elton John, who bleat on about their crappy gay marriages, Jonny says "fuck you and your hetero customs" and personally, I couldn't agree more. Don't even get me started on the fabulous Gayboy Bunnies or the dirty, gay breakdown. Respect!

After taking a brief leave of absence, Jonny returned earlier this year with a hot new song and recently released his second album "Gays Gone Wild". The sound is distinctly harder and more dance orientated but the humour is still there and Jonny's knack for touching on important gay issues remains uncanny. Songs like "Girl, I Fucked Yo' Boyfriend", "Bossy Bottom" and "Don't Fall In Love With A Homo" are musical snapshots of gay life in all its fucked up glory. One of my favourites is "Electroboy". What's not to like about a song that begins with the words "your asymmetrical haircut is making me hot"? I wasn't overly taken with the lead single "Something For The Fellas (That Like Fellas)" when I first heard it but it's a grower and the video is certainly memorable. I think the tranny rapper deserves her own album. What a fabulous bitch!

Here is a short clip of Jonny performing "Don't Fall In Love With A Homo" at a recent gay pride event. I wish I was there to worship the Gay Pimp in person!

I've uploaded "Soccer Practice" and an older version of "Electroboy", which was free to download from Jonny's website a couple of years ago.

The CD versions of these songs are much better quality and slightly remixed. "Soccer Practice" is available on Gay Pimp's first album "Dirty Gay Hits", which you can and should purchase here. The new and improved "Electroboy" can be found on Jonny's brilliant new album "Gays Gone Wild", which is available from iTunes and CD Baby. You can find out more about Jonny's music on his stunningly gay website.

Sharing The Love Of Joanne Vol. 1

Very few songs manage to capture the zeitgeist for any length of time, let alone define a decade. Yet Joanne's classic hit "Jackie" exudes the 1990s with every craptastic beat. "Jackie" was released 1998 and eventually peaked at #3, becoming the highest selling Australian single of the year. At a time when grunge was still ubiquitous, Joanne chanting "Jack, Jack, Jackie" against a tacky dance beat was something of a revelation. "Jackie" remained a mainstay in gay nightclubs for almost a year and stayed on the charts for 30 weeks. In short, Joanne was Australia's leading camp diva while Kylie was finding herself over at Deconstruction and Dannii was more focused on upsizing her tits than releasing fabulous pop music. For that reason alone, Joanne deserves the love and respect of any serious pop trash fan!

In the aftermath of the "Jackie" phenomenon, Joanne was briefly considered to be the next big pop sensation. She released an amazing 6 singles from her debut album, all of which were minor hits. A couple of those songs have aged worse than Nick Nolte but most of them are still gleaming pop gems. "Jackie" was by far the biggest hit and still holds up a trashy delight almost 10 years later! I plan on revisiting all of Joanne's stunning pop releases over the next couple of weeks in the hope of enlightening the world (well, the 3 queens who read this Blog) to Joanne's fabulous contribution to Australian pop history. Stay tuned!

Joanne's music is still not available on iTunes, which is a complete disgrace! However, you should be able to find most of her releases on Australian Ebay. Give Joanne a cheap thrill and leave a message on her Myspace.

When Tina Went POP!

I adore Tina Arena. I grew up watching her perform on Young Talent Time alongside my spiritual guide, Dannii Minogue, and have followed her career closely over the years. Few artists have tried as many styles and musical genres with as much success as Tina. She started out as yet another scantily dressed pop tart (who could ever forget the video for "I Need Your Body"?!) before staging one of the greatest comebacks in Australian musical history as a serious artiste with the staggeringly successful "Don't Ask". Tina's next album, "In Deep", was a concerted effort to appeal to the American adult contemporary market. That album tanked in comparison to "Don't Ask" and Tina decided that a pop makeover was in order. The resulting album, "Just Me", is an absolute delight. Of course it basically killed Tina's career but it lives on as Australian pop trash classic!

I should, and most probably will, devote a post to the entire album. "Just Me" is bursting with pop gems but I want to concentrate on the delicious "Soul Mate #9". I had my Ipod on shuffle last night and had a screaming POPgasm when Tina's fabulous anthem penetrated my ears. I was going to post a faux R'n'B remix but I don't think the world is ready for gansta Tina just yet! Anyway, the song is sublime in its original format. In fact, it's so good that it makes me more than a little sad to see what has happened to Tina in the years that followed. It is beyond shameful that an extraordinary talent like Tina was dumped by her label and had to flee to France in order to reinvent herself as the antipodean Celine Dion! I have my fingers crossed that Tina will drop those stinking French ballads, return to Australia and continue making fantastic pop music. I will be waiting at the airport with a "Welcome Home" banner!

You can purchase "Just Me" from iTunes, Chaos and Sanity. Oh, and check out the cute pic from Young Talent Time below. Tina is second from the left in the top row and that is the adorable Dannii Minogue on the left in the bottom row. They should hook up and record a duet!

Sophie Monk Vs Roxane LeBrasse

Salt 'N' Pepa's "Push It" became gossip column fodder last week when it was announced that Sophie Monk and Australian Idol contestant, Roxane LeBrasse, had both recorded versions of the 80s rap classic. The "Push It" battle was really quite amusing at first. In a truly classy display, Sophie recorded the song to promote a new range of push up bras (pictured above), while Roxane's version was intended to launch her music career. Unfortunately, that plan came to a screeching halt when Universal Australia announced that they were scrapping Roxane's single due to the "unfair" competition.

Universal's response strikes me as being rather heavy handed. Firstly, the songs are completely different. Sophie's is a standard cover version, which is basically a poor excuse to wear as little as possible and gyrate like a whore. Roxane's "Sexy Girls", on the other hand, is not really a cover at all - it just samples "Push It". Then there is the fact that Sophie's rendition was never scheduled for a commercial release. As far as I can tell the song will be given away in stores selling the Monk push up bra. Universal should be sending Sophie a box of her favourite diuretics as a thank you for all the publicity instead of destroying Roxane's pop dream. You can read about the saga and watch a clip of Sophie's fantastically slutty video here. Roxanne's "Sexy Girls" is playing on her Myspace. I love Sophie but Roxane's song is vastly superior.

I guess it is back to the drawing board for poor Roxane. The woman deserves some good luck after suffering the indignity of finishing 9th on Australian Idol and then losing her record deal to a lingerie commercial! The shame is that Roxane's new material sounds fantastic. Anyone who still needs convincing should check out "I Ain't Playin'", a song she recorded with the Rockmelons way back in 2002. I think "I Ain't Playin'" is one of the group's best non-Deni songs. It was included on their album "Rockies 3".

Australia's Secret Weapon - Brielle Davis

Are gays still banned from the military in this country? If Australia has finally moved out of the dark ages, I'd consider a (very brief) tour of duty if it meant being treated to a private performance by the lovely Brielle Davis! Brielle was recently selected to perform for Australian troops in the troubled city of Honiara in the Solomon Islands along with the Screaming Jets. I'd like to commend the army on their excellent taste - Brielle's recent single "Take It Off" is surely one of the year's best pop releases! I'm sure Brielle's stunning good looks had nothing to do with her selection...

Australian troops - mesmerised by Brielle's... vocal talent

Brielle is currently putting the finishing touches on her first pop album (she released a cute country album as a 12 year old). I still can't get enough of the first two singles, "Serial Thriller" and "Take It Off". Check out the film clip for "Take It Off", which I find particularly classy! Hopefully, Brielle will tell us all about her patriotic mission on her website and Myspace, which is showcasing another excellent new track called "Circles".

In other pop diva related news, Dannii is being stalked to appear on the second series of "Australia's Got Talent". Check out Dannii's Dirty Box for more information!

Kate Miller-Heidke's Words

The Aus-pop marathon continues with the quirky Kate Miller-Heidke. Kate has built a devoted following and garnered some impressive hype over the past couple of years. Both of her independent EPs received considerable airplay and comparisons to Tori Amos and Kate Bush were thrown around like pills at a gay dance party. Personally, I think Kate sounds like a less commercial Gwen Stefani with a throat infection. I mean that as a compliment. Sort of.

With all the buzz surrounding Kate, it was only a matter of time before a major label signed her and Sony got in first. Kate's first single for Sony is the slightly demented "Words". I still can't decide if I love or hate the song but I have been playing it on high rotation since it was released a couple of weeks ago, so it guess I'm leaning towards the former. "Words" begins rather inauspiciously before turning into one of the strangest pop hits of the year. The frequent tempo changes combined with Kate's operatic voice and some bizarre backing vocals make for a unique listening experience. The song broke the trend of Aus-pop flops by actually reaching the top 50 of the Singles Chart and Kate has been promoting her new album on every TV show in Australia. I've included the Album Mix of "Words", which is slightly less immediate than the single mix.

Kate Miller-Heidke's debut album "Little Eve" is released today and can be purchased from Sanity, Chaos and iTunes. I have my eye on the two disc version. "Words" is also available from those stores. Check out the arresting video clip and visit Kate's Myspace for more information.