Ricki-Lee's UK Makeover From Hell

Ricki-Lee's amazing "Can't Touch It" has been butchered, almost beyond recognition, for its UK release on the 9th of June. Not only has the song been given the dubious new title "U Wanna Little Of This", it's been remixed into an unremarkable dance bore. Don't get me wrong, this kind of shit usually has me salivating but "Can't Touch It" is such a perfect pop song that this kind of treatment feels completely sacrilegious. Everything I love about the original is gone. The fabulous rolling drum beats, the quirky pop production and the subtle R'n'B flavour have all been ditched in favour of thudding dance beats and a cut and paste chorus. I would probably be singing the praises of "U Wanna Little Of This" if it were a remix but as the version being promoted to UK radio, it just doesn't cut it. It's such a shame because the original version has huge hit potential. "Can't Touch It" is perfect pop. The song is fresh, original and utterly infectious. "U Wanna Little Of This", on the other hand, sounds like a Booty Luv B-side. That's not a bad thing as such but Ricki-Lee deserves better than this. Decide which version you prefer, the new and unimproved version above or the original version below.

A Club Dildo Exclusive!

I wrote a pretty scathing post about the Australian release of Dannii's "Club Disco" album last week, complaining about everything from the bonus disc to the glaring omission of the exquisite "Do You Believe Me Now". Well, it seems I opened my big mouth without knowing all the facts! Carl, the A&R Manager of Dannii's Australian label, was kind enough to contact me about my rant and explained the reasons behind the choices that were made. The visions I had of lazy record execs cynically cashing in on Dannii's devoted fanbase couldn't be further from the truth. Here's what Carl had to say:

In regards to the Roger Sanchez collaboration, we were only given rights by our overseas partner for the digital release of this track, so it’s very unfortunate but we could not include it on the physical release. A shame as it’s my favourite too but it will be an exclusive addition to the iTunes release.

Initially we were only given the rights to release a single CD (the same as the UK release minus "Do You Believe Me Now") but as I felt this was very similar to her previous "Hits & Beyond" I wanted to add ‘something’ more to make it worthwhile. After some persuading, the remix disc was born although we were limited to what we could include on the disc. The final result is a collection of Dannii and her team’s favourite remixes so I hope you like them. In addition, both the UK and Australian release of "Touch Me Like That" had an error on the listed ‘Space Cowboy Remix’ so this is the first time it’s been made physically available in this country. We’ve also included the original of "Touch Me Like That" which was not on the UK release

In a perfect world I would have loved to include all the rare, unreleased tracks that Dannii has recorded over the years but we just didn’t have access to all of them. There were certain restrictions that we couldn’t get around within the timeframe we had to work with. Although due to the overwhelming response, it’s something we will consider putting together down the line.

After clearing all that up, I took the opportunity to shamelessly dig for further details!

When is "Club Disco" being released?
The 3rd of May.

Will the Australian version have the same cover as the UK release?
It will have a similar cover to the UK release (with a bit of added ‘sparkle’) and the booklet will contain lyrics as well as some hot pics from her recent photo shoots.

Will there be a single - be it digital or radio? "I Will Come To You" or "Xanadu" would be amazing choices!
There will not be a new single, digital or physical at this stage although if the overseas label or a punter (hint, hint) sends us a good remix of one of the tracks, we’d definitely consider a single release down the line.

Will Dannii bother to promote "Club Disco" now that she's back in Australia for Australia's Got Talent?
Dannii will be performing on a couple of TV shows whilst she is here as well as some radio spots and an array of press interviews - so there will be no shortage of all things ‘Dannii’ over the coming months. (Dannii is rumoured to be performing "Xanadu") on the It Takes Two Finale on the 22nd of April - Mike).

Can you please change the title to "Club Dildo"?
As for your suggestions regarding the title…I’m sure we’d sell more copies and get more media attention that way…if Dannii notices we could put it down to an embarrassing typo. I’ll put it forward in the production meeting!

My Chat With Peter Wilson

Peter Wilson was a bright spark of Hi-NRG fabulousness on the dark and dreary mid-90s Australian music scene. At a time when grunge ruled the airwaves, this poptastic iconoclast specialised in Eurodance and proudly declared Stock Aitken Waterman as his major influence. The thing I loved most about Peter was his refusal to conform. He was a leopard skin print covered beacon in a sea of flannel wearing automatons, carving out his own niche with the music he loved. Songs like "I Wanna Dance", "Move" and "Into The Night" basically established their own genre. Australian produced Hi-NRG dance music didn't really exist before this Melbourne boy decided to emulate the likes of Bobby O and Giorgio Moroder. More than a decade has passed since his 90s hey day but Peter is still very much a slave to the beat, steadfastly refusing to budge from the dancefloor.

2007 saw the long awaited release of Peter's debut album via the UK's inimitable Klone Records. I picked up "Follow Me" late last year but it got lost in the massive pile of CDs littering my bedroom floor until a couple of weeks ago. It hasn't left my stereo since. "Follow Me" picks up exactly where Peter left off in the 90s, delivering a collection of irresistible Hi-NRG dance tunes proudly influenced by the likes of SAW, Modern Talking and Fancy. I'm a huge fan of Klone Records but I have no hesitation in naming "Follow Me" as the best album in their extensive catalogue. Peter has crafted a winning mix of Hi-NRG dance tracks and camp pop delights with just enough cheese thrown into the mix to satiate trash lovers like myself! The quality of the album hasn't gone unnoticed. The project has already scored Peter songwriting duties for the likes of Carol Jiani, Amanda Lear, Gina G and possibly Kate Ryan.

I contacted Peter to let him know how much I love "Follow Me" and, on a whim, asked if we could have a quick chat about the album for Pop Trash Addicts. He kindly obliged and our "quick chat" turned into a marathon MSN session that dragged on well into the early hours of the morning! Peter was a lot of fun to interview. He's funny, brutally honest and like any good queen, enjoys dropping the occasional famous name! We covered Peter's early career as well as his Klone comeback, not to mention his upcoming collaborations with Carol and Amanda. Most of all, I discovered a kindred spirit who lives and breathes pop music.


I'm a huge fan of your early career. How did you get into music?
I started by appearing on an 80s TV show called "The Early Bird Show". I sang a Lionel Richie song, was really terrible. And was even judged by none other than Dannii Minogue, who I went to high school with. AND I LOST!!!

You went to school with Dannii?! I'm not sure if you know but Dannii is my all time favourite singer and I actually have a blog in her honour! Were you in the same year?
LOL I did. She was 1 year ahead of me. I was in awe of her at school. We never talked much at school, but we do have a mutual friend. She is nice though, Kylie was just lovely also.

How fantastic! I can't believe she rejected you though... how rude!
NO believe it, I WAS fucking hideous!

Did that tv appearance lead to "I Wanna Dance"? Or did that come later?
Ok, after that I did a couple years singing lessons, then hounded a DJ on a dance radio show who I knew was producing. Eventually he gave in, we did a demo. Then about 12 months later I met David Wilks in 1991, who produced "I Wanna Dance". We did about 20 songs. "I Wanna Dance" caught the attention of a radio station in Melb called Hitz FM, a local youth radio station. The song took off as an unsigned song. Colossal Records contacted them, we got in touch and they signed me. Then it went to No 40 in Oz in it's 1st week. Don't ask what is charted at in week two though! But yeah it was my first break.

I've always wanted to ask you about the fabulous "I Wanna Dance" B-sides. Was "Bing Bong (Turn Me On)" a piss take?!
oh GODDDD!

It's a classic!
I think Dave wanted to do a 4 track album, like Giorgio Moroder did with Donna Summer. So yeah he needed one more song, and he wanted to rip off "Sugar Sugar". So "Bing Bong" was born. By the way, my vocal is nasty on that song!

Your music was such a breath of fresh air at a time when grunge was taking over the airwaves. Were you always interested in Hi-NRG music? You really did carve out your own niche.
Aww thanks! I grew up on it, since 1984 and the early SAW days, I would listen to a Melbourne dance show (done by the DJ who did my 1st track), and I was introduced at age 11 to Bobby O, Giorgio Moroder and Italo disco. It's MY music and I wanted to make it. NOT to conform to music I hated. And there was a lot of SHITE out at that time.

There sure was! If it wasn't for the likes of you, Girlfriend and the Minogues, I would probably have spent my youth wearing flannel!
That's probably one of the best compliments I have been given, I love that!! You know when you find a style of music that's just YOU, well this was it for me. And flannel can be very sexy on a guy!

Rarely! The follow up to "I Wanna Dance" was probably not your finest moment (sorry!!) but I honestly believe "Into The Night" is an Australian pop classic. Whose idea was it to cover Benny Mardones' classic?
Well first let me talk about "Move" (the 2nd single). I fucking hate that song and It's No Secret as Kylie put it. I didn't want to release it, and in fact had a new David Wilks song ready to go called "Feelin Hot". I co-wrote it and it was awesome! Very "No More Tears" meets Pet Shop Boys. But management didn't want the whole SAW camp sound so they pulled it and went with "Move" and stopped my working with Dave. I may record it for Klone yet. I LOVE IT!

I'd love to hear it! "Move" is just... kind of horrendous but it's still fun.
"Move" was just not me. Everything from song, producer to shitty single cover was decided for me. NEVER AGAIN. No, you're right it's fucking tragic!

But you got everything so right with "Into The Night"!
Ok, "Into The Night". It was chosen by Colossal. Originally they even thought about Stock/Aitken doing it since they were big again with Nicki French. But of course it cost a fortune, then they chose John Springate. Then management stepped in AGAIN and insisted the guy who did "Move" do this but in fairness he did a decent job on it. I liked singing it and we even got Nick Skitz to do the final mixes. I love it and it was my biggest hit.

Can I ask who this mysterious producer was?
His name was Paul Carmody.

I think the whole package is brilliant. Fantastic song, great remixes and THE VIDEO!! What a masterpiece! Please tell me about making it.
The video was over in 4 hours. I rocked up at 8am and what's funny is I had a stylist hired for this single. He gave me some clothing changes, and I mimed the track in a few different outfits and my job was done. What is funny is I was SO scared to perform and very shy, so he was showing me what to do, so what you see me doing is copying him!! It was a lot of fun, I love the whole packaging of ITN.

The dance at the end is hysterical. I remember copying it at a school disco! I believe I also had that haircut at one stage...
WHAT DANCE???

The crazy arm movements!
OHHHH GOODDDDD I WANT TO DIE! So embarrassing!

It's not! It's one of my favourite videos ever!
Wow that's quite a statement. That's very cool, thanks! Tell me one thing, you didn't copy my hair did you?

I did!!
Awww, I love that. THANKS!

Do you ever get embarrassed by your old stuff or do you embrace it?
Nah not embarrassed. Well maybe by the leopard skin print shirt in "Into The Night" but that was 1995!

Can I ask why there was no album? You had 3 fairly solid hits. Was one ever planned?
After "Into The Night" I wanted out with my management. I hated being forced to work with Paul on music, I was not happy with the way they wanted to go. So I wanted out. They didn't let me go so they kept me hanging unable to do anything. An album was planned and tracks were recorded but I am glad it didn't come out cos I didn't like many songs from it.

Were they similar in style to the singles?
Um, honestly they were more like "Move"!! Though there were 2 songs I co-wrote which were closer to what I like. One was a bit Army Of Lovers. AND LET ME TELL YOU, when I walked away, Paul had tried UNSUCCESSFULLY to trick me into the studio to record. He said the songs were only for me and he wouldn't give them to the label. But I didn't believe him and didn't show up. His last words to me were "When you want to be a pop star gimme a call." LOL. As if he was Pete Waterman no less!

Sounds like there were some seriously dodgy dealings. Maybe he was into you! That leads me to my next question. You were quite the teen heart throb. How did that conflict with you being gay? Was it an issue?
Not sure about teen heartthrob LOL. But the gay thing was weird. I was told not to talk about it, not advertise it. Just plain dodge the issue. I understand it and the marketing behind it but it's just not a great message. And I am a very upfront person, when you get told by your manager "don't be seen at this club and don't kiss your friends hello in public" it's a bit fucked. I was asked once at a gig was I gay and I answered no. I shouldn't have but I guess it was a lot harder to be out back then and yeah, let's face it, a fresh faced boy singing songs like "Bing Bong" and "I Wanna Dance". I mean come on!

When did you decide to come out? Was it much later?
I came out in 2006 when my first release on Klone came out. I did an interview on an American podcast and then just openly talked about it on my website. No big deal so I just went with it but, I was away for a lot of years from music remember, so I had a lot of time to get comfortable in my own skin, without the pressure of what not to do or say. To be honest, it's a shame artists and celebrities can't just be themselves.

I want to ask you about that. What happened between "Into The Night" and your reemergence with Klone. I know you released "Mama Told Me" but that was quite a strange little release. What happened in the meantime?
So in between "Into The Night" and "Mama Told Me" then. After "Into The Night" I left Colossal which was a shame, because I loved them. But they knew of management issues and didn't want to be in the middle. Can't blame them either. Anyway, management signed me to a really bad deal with a tiny label. The renamed me as WILSON which I HATED, and released a terrible song from my album sessions with Paul called "Summer Days". Fucking awful. It was a disaster, no promo, no video. That was when they tried to trick me into the studio to make the follow up. So then my management contact finished!!!

You've bounced back from more disasters than Dannii - without even getting your tits out!
LOL, no tits for me haha! So I met John Von Ahlen who had been part of 90s dance group Nova. Loved his work and we started work on a whole new album. From that "Mama Told Me" was released. So we did an album, I wrote or co-wrote most tracks, recorded an unreleased SAW song and 2 they had released already. And a cover of "Born To Be Alive". Was an album I was proud of! But then again the label I signed to did no promo, asked me to pay for my own video! So I walked and at that point decided to get away from it.

Oh wow! Which SAW songs?
Which SAW songs? ok... um, What A Night (which was to be the album title). It was very N Trance "Do Ya Think I'm Sexy" and "Ain't No Cure" which I LOVE. It sounds like SAW from 1988, I played ALL keyboards on it and used only SAW sounds and "How Can This Be Real Love".

What amazing choices! "Ain't No Cure" is one of my SAW faves too.
Yeah that's my 2nd fave SAW song ever. There was another song I did for that album called "Angel Eyes". One of my best. Very Modern Talking if you have heard of them.

Is there any chances we'll ever get to hear those tracks? I know Modern Talking well. Dieter Bohlen is a sex god!
I don't have "What A Night" and only a demo of "Real Love" and Dieter Bohlen asked to hear my stuff in 1999, which was amazing.

Shame the record company was so fucking useless. The album sounds terrific. What did you do from 1999 until your Klone comeback?
I didn't do anything until 2001. John Collins who wrote Gina G's "Fresh" was someone I met as a kid and had done a couple demos with before meeting David Wilks. And he was great, he said I should be a superstar - god love him! He talked me into getting into the studio, arranged a meeting with Sam Panetta and we started writing right away. First one we did was "I Love You Unashamed". I loved the result! So when John told me Gina G was coming back to Melbourne, me being a massive fan of her behaved like an OTT school boy with a crush and I convinced him to let me meet her. BUT THEN!! When I met Gina, she was so lovely. She heard "Unashamed" and LOVED it so much. At one point she even wanted to record it. I said no though, and offered to write a new song for her. So we went into the studio and did a track together. With her believing in me, it was all the confidence I needed to get back into it.

You should have recorded a duet! I love that a classy icon like Gina G inspired your comeback. How fantastic!!
LOL, no duets but it was fun doing the song with her. In fact she and I were both in the studio on September 11th 2001 when the terrorist attacks happened at the Twin Towers. We were locked away oblivious to the outside world. We spoke the next day, and it felt weird knowing we were so wrapped up in the music, getting the right vocal and mix, and being unaware that the world was about to change outside.

You said "Ain't No Cure" is your 2nd favourite SAW song, Do you have a top 5?
Top 5 SAW songs? No 1 hands down... "I Don't Wanna Get Hurt" (ALBUM version) by Donna Summer. Sybil's "Make It Easy On Me" is No 3. Dolly Dots "What A Night" No 4. Kylie's "Turn It Into Love" would be No 5.

What, no Kakko?! "Turn It Into Love" is one of my Kylie favourites too.
Kakko is definately not a fave! It's cute though.

I think Kakko is brilliant but I'm sure I'm alone in that view! My list would definitely feature some Lonnie Gordon and probably Princess.
Two very fine SAW albums. Lonnie is a scream, her Oz management worked on my album cover. We've chatted. She rocks! Oops, name dropping loser alert LOL!

The legendary Bobby O

SAW seems to have been a huge influence on your work. From the beginning right up to now. Who else has been an influence? Modern Talking? I hear a lot of Moroder and Dead Or Alive in your music too. And a touch of the Berman Bros!
Giorgio Moroder is a legend. So definitely him, I've been buying his back catalogue lately. So ahead of his time. Yeah I'm also VERY influenced by SAW, Dieter Bohlen, Pet Shop Boys, Bobby O. Actually Bobby O story...Bobby O almost did a song for my album, but then the price tag came. I politely declined! So we settled for covering "Whisper To A Scream". Oh and Frank Farian!

Speaking of Frank, didn't he contribute to "Doin' Fine?"
He co-wrote the chorus and approved the sample of "Daddy Cool" for "Doin' Fine". He loves it!

How did that come about? I think "Doin' Fine" is brilliant. A great "fuck you" anthem!
It started as a demo done in the UK. I got hold of it from my UK producers who also co-wrote it. He thought I would hate it. I loved it, begged him to let me do it and we got it! So I wrote music for the bridges, lyrics on bridge 1, Mr Farian contributed lyrics for chorus and it became what it is now. It was a half finished demo sitting on the shelf actually. So glad I got it, and I can't say who but a very well known UK pop singer is recording it for a comeback album!

It went to #1 on the Euro NRG charts, didn't it?
Yeah it hit No 1 on that chart.

I should take a step back and ask how you got involved with Klone. Klone cops a lot of shit from music snobs but I love their stuff. "Follow Me" on Mad About The Boy was your debut with them?
Klone do cop a lot. Even from their own fans! Well here is the deal, in 2004 I signed a German record deal. Deal was I would record 6 songs here and 5 songs with a group called Systems In Blue (who are the real musicians and high voices behind Bohlen and Modern Talking). So I did the 6 songs here, then my manager just hated the whole Modern Talking sound and didn't want to invest in it. So since he pulled out I lost the deal. Shame cos I would love to have worked with them! And in FACT I've just found out these producers have taken 2 of my titles from the project and are using them for 2 other relases. One called "Out Of The Blue" for their own album (which was what my album was going to be called) and "Heartbreak Boulevard" for a German singer called Mark Ashley. I will be looking into that actually!! Anyway I had the left over songs done in Melbourne and I decided to approach Klone. They were great from the start. I submitted initially "Best Love You Never Had" and "Unashamed" and they said YES to signing them to Mad About The Boy 14. In the end we couldnt get a license in time for "Best Love" (as I don't hold the sound rights), so I offered them "Follow Me" as a replacement. Thank god I did cos it hit No 5 on Eurodancehits.

The album turned out so well and really holds up as a great listen from beginning to end. I particularly love "7 Sins". It's one of the best songs I've heard all year! I also love the SAW inspired songs like "Best Years Of My Life" and "Wait By The radio". What are your favourite tracks?
Oh recording the album was a task. But one I wanted to see it through to the end! I knew one thing, I wanted to bring David Wilks back. So we did 3 new songs. We almost did the original follow up to "I Wanna Dance" but ran out of time. Then I used 3 songs that I did with Sam Panetta, (he used to be in group called Among Thieves). "Best Years" is great!! Its got Natalie Miller on backing vox.

Dannii (left) with the fabulous Natalie Miller (right)

Natalie Miller! YTT forever!
Then I met Chris Richards who is my songwriting partner to this day. He was a very big part of the album's completion! He did "7 Sins" and was scared to play it to me. Thank god he let me do it. I love it too. Rob Technic did "Rocket To Your Heart" also, I loved his stuff with Alison Limerick so I had to have him. He was lovely.

"7 Sins" is a different sound for you. Dark and edgy. You should explore that more. "7 Sins" has real crossover pop appeal.
Oh trust me we are exploring that sound!

Fantastic! Darkrooms around the world will be pumping you out!
LOL

Ok that sounded WRONG...
"Wait By The Radio" is a cover by the way. Done originally by Fancy, who also did "Follow Me" first.

Fancy! I desperately need to invest in some of his albums.
Then get "Contact", "Get Your Kicks" and "Flames Of Love". Those 3. Though "Follow Me" and "Wait By The radio" are not on them.

I had a sneak peek at your myspace and you list your favourite albums. I think we were separated at birth. There are so many brilliant choices - Kylie, Donna Summer, Kym Sims, Shannon, Lonnie AND queen La Toya! I love you for including glorious Toy Toy!
LOL at La Toya. I bought "Heart Dont Lie" on CD from Ebay a few years ago for AU$760. Not kidding!

That's dedication! I spent a fortune on her as well. You should cover "Just Wanna Dance"!
LOL no La Toya covers, sorry babe!

I have to say Dannii is a glaring omission from your list!
I like "Get Into You" the best and "Girl" except for "If It Moves Dub It".

That song is hideous but "Girl" is one of my favourite albums along with "Neon Nights". Oh I love them all. Ok, so no to a La Toya cover. If you could choose one Kylie song to cover, what would you pick?
One Kylie song to cover? "Turn It Into Love" without question. Though I wouldn't dare. Kylie covers are always terrible. As in Steps' "Better The Devil"! Fucking hell!
Speaking of legendary divas - you're working with quite a few at the moment. Carol Jiani and the amazing Amanda Lear. Please spill the beans!
Ok spill the beans...Carol approached Chris and I soon after my name was getting known as a Klone act. She asked if we could possibly do a song for her. It just so happened we had just done "I Don't Wanna Talk About Love" (hear it on Carol's Myspace)

And Amanda? How is s/he to work with? Her disco albums are some of the most cherished recordings in my collection.
Carol has me in fits of laughter, she is very funny, One of a kind! As for Amanda! My god she is a legend to me. "Never Trust A Pretty Face" is one of my fave albums ever! So we wrote a song called "Brand New Love Affair" after I played Chris her stuff. We did it really to see if we could tap into another artist's style. And my god, it sounded like "Follow Me" (hers not mine) No 2!! So we contacted her French label and they loved it. Amanda loved it. So they asked for more songs, one more they have already said yes to. So that's in very early stages. We are still writing and submitting but getting there. Apparently Amanda is singing the song we wrote around the house! What will be a thrill for me is when we do it, I might be talking to her on the phone to co-write lyrics!

You're doing so well for yourself. You also submitted material for the delightful Kate Ryan.
Kate Ryan yes, I love her, but I love the Euro trance sound she hasn't really done since the first album, and re-visited with "Voyage Voyage". So we wrote "C'est La Vie" with a mix of the old sound and new. It's on the short list so far but no guarantees. Fingers crossed. Her people in Belgium love it. If she does it, this will be a very big turning poing for Chris and I.

Kate Ryan... and her camel toe

You're the new Ian Levine (but not crap)!
LOL! God love Ian.

I know but some of the stuff he foisted on Carol is criminal!!
But then you have great tracks like "Vanity". He's done a new one for her too which is really Motown-ish. He's obsessed with Motown.

I love a lot of his stuff but it's wildly uneven. Still, bless him!
Trust me there are a lot worse LOL. There are very few true stars these days and too many media trained jump thru hoop drones who are massive.

So true. I get sick of these personality free bitches like Leona Lewis!
Oh she's ok. Delta Goodrem I can not stomach if I am honest.

Dulta is fucking revolting!
I think with Delta, each album becomes less interesting. The first one was a great pop record. As each follow up came out, the quality kept disappearing, and she was becoming less of herself and I don't really believe the nice as pie act. I remember her yelling "that's fucken bullshit" at the tennis! I think the UK public are onto something with their thoughts on her is all I will say. I actually have her unreleased Sony album with "I Don't Care" on it. MUCH BETTER!

I know this is a bit random but what do you make of Kylie's X?
I like X a lot, a few tracks I don't like but I have replaced them on my own version haha.

What have you gotten rid of? I've ditched "Senshitized" and "Nu-Di-Ty".
The same songs as you!! Added "Rippin' Up The Disco", "Cherry Bomb" and "Fall For You".

Getting back to you - do you see yourself getting more into writing and production?
To be honest yes.

I hope you don't turn your back on performing. I want "Follow Me" part 2!
I might do a few more recordings myself but it's not a priority right now. There are 3 tracks I want to finish. Actually 4. The David track I want to do, a track from Sweden is waiting for me, a song I started with Ian Anthony Stephens (which has an early 90s sample) and MAYBE a duet with Carol Jiani.

A duet with Carol!!! Your voices would sound amazing together.
We joked about it so nothing concrete just whispers. I would produce it with Chris.

An original or cover?
A cover.

What's the Swedish song you have lined up?
It's called "Together We Are Strong" it's an accoustic pop song, but reminds me of Abba's "When I Kissed The Teacher". I also want to work with Ian, so I want that song to be finished with him.

You should write a hit for Dannii - she needs to scrap the club instrumental turned trashy dance numbers. The woman needs a chorus!
I would probably submit for Kylie but not Dannii. Oh fuck who knows!

Why? Dannii could do with the help!
Actually of course I would. I love them both.

Get Carol to cover "Vibe On"!
GOD!!! No, we have 2 covers that are perfect haha!

It's so exciting that you're getting the chance to help restore so many fabulous divas to their former glory. Next stop La Toya and Millie Jackson please!
LOL I think we are going to target more mainstream people this year.

Do you have anyone in mind?
Not yet will start work for 2008 next Sun so we decide then.

You should help out some local divas - Melissa Tkautz and Deni Hines for example!
Deni is a fucking bitch (Peter then elaborates). I would never work with her. Melissa I would! I can give you a Natalie Imbruglia story.

Oh yes please!
I hate her fucking guts, the bitch! Ok...In 1994 I went to an East 17 concert and afterparty. Peter Andre supported. He was always very nice to me, and hung with me a bit this night. SO. A few of us were waiting to meet with East 17, then like a foul gust of wind, a fresh out of Neighbours Natalie Imbruglia literally barged past knocking people out of her way, nose in the air walked right up to Brian from the group put her hand out as if to be kissed like she was royalty.

Good grief!
Then her track record since, all that star fucking must get really sore. I mean do we need to rattle off the long list of celebrity victims she's targeted? And her voice is barely more capable than Mandy Smith.

She really made an impression on you!
Hey, do you have all SAW albums on CD?

No not all of them. I take it you have a huge collection?
Some freak on Youtube claims they have Brilliant Kiss' "The Lips Of Life"! That is the only one I don't have. Apparently there is a Japanese CD. Yes I have everything. All the singles. A lot of rare CD singles. Paul Lekakis gave me "Fruit Machine" years ago.

Have you ever been to PWL or Love This?
I went to Love This in 1997 for a meeting but they had no record of it and wouldn't let me in! I think my management were lying or fucked something up but I DID go to PWL. Roamed around the studios, went through the Mel and Kim door downstairs. I was there for about an hour in the studio, longer than most acts who recorded there. Oh did you hear the song I did for Tabitha Turlington?

Yes, I love Tabitha! The song's fantastic! Is she a friend?
Yeah from Primary school. He is a Mebourne drag queen. I wrote it for Dusty O, a UK drag queen on Klone. Anyway she disappeared so we got Tabitha in on it. One last thing, are you looking forward to Donna Summer's new album?

"Crayons"!! Yes - understatement of the decade! What do you make of "I'm A Fire" though?
Love one of the mixes and I love how her voice has matured. I have not antipated an album so much since Kylie's 1994 album. I WISH she was doing a couple with Moroder though like she did for "The Journey".

Thank you for giving me so much of your time. Good luck with all your future ventures!
It was a pleasure!

You can listen to clips of several tracks on "Follow Me" from Peter's website. The album can be ordered from Amazon UK or directly from Klone Records. Make sure to add Peter as a friend on Myspace and download "Into The Night" from Australian or UK iTunes.

Ami Suzuki - Free Free

Earlier this year I posted "Tell Me" by the fabulous Wonder Girls and wrote about my tentative exploration of the Asian pop scene. I'm still taking baby steps but since then I've discovered a wealth of poptastic acts to rival anything Australia or Europe has to offer. Funnily enough I'm completely underwhelmed by the big names. The appeal of J Pop megastars like Ayumi, Utada and Namie is lost on me. Instead my taste in Asian pop mirrors my English language listening habits. Basically, I'm partial to trashy pop tarts with plastic surgery addictions and nude calenders, floptastic girlbands and middle aged divas who are still dressing in school uniforms well into their 40s. It seems my yearning for pop trash is truly universal!

Ami Suzuki isn't the trashiest diva in Asia but her pop trash credentials are impeccable. 15 year old Ami shot to stardom in Japan after winning a televised talent show in the late 90s. Her first album sold almost 2 million copies and she briefly enjoyed a level of fame to rival that of J Pop queen Ayumi. That is until Ami's father sued her record company for a larger share of the profits (she was only being paid 3 million yen a week!) and the poor bitch found herself blacklisted by the music industry, thus experiencing an almost unprecedented fall from grace. After five years of relative obscurity, Ami was re-discovered performing at university and signed a record deal with Avex - a Japanese dance label similar to AATW. Since then Ami has developed a large gay following by releasing a string of trashy club anthems that rarely tickle the top 30. In other words, she's the Japanese Dannii!

At the beginning of 2008 Ami released her third album for Avex called "Dolce" and unveiled a sexy new baby doll image. "Dolce" is an irresistibly upbeat collection of Japanese house tracks with a hefty dose of bright and shiny pop thrown into the mix. The first single "Free Free" is one of my favourite songs of the year. Another #32 smash hit for Ami, "Free Free" is an eccentric dancefloor stomper with an endearingly uplifting English language chorus. The heavy beats are fantastic and I love the crazy vocoder effects. The more concise single edit is slightly superior but the album version I'm posting is a weird and wonderful treat. Make sure you check out the fabulous video (above), which steals shamelessly from Kylie and Madonna. Ami's latest single should be of interest to fans of the American girlband Aly & AJ. It's a sparkling dance cover of "Potential Break Up Song"! Check out Ami's stunning version here. You can purchase "Dolce" from YesAsia and HMV Japan. It's definitely worth hunting this gem down.

Listening To This Hurts The Most

Even the most casual reader of Pop Trash Addicts has surely realised by now that I don’t give a fuck about musical credibility, originality or artistic integrity. Disco dykes? Yes, please! Poptastic grannies? Gimme more! Foul mouthed trannies? Even better! And yet, as much as I revel in the trashy side of pop, I remain strangely immune to the dubious charms of Cascada – the massively successful Eurotrance outfit fronted by a horse faced German diva called Natalie. A collection of trance cover versions cheesier than a piss pig's cock, their debut album seemed destined for an AATW clearance sale but stunned everyone by becoming a global chart smash despite sounding like it had been dragged kicking and screaming from 1996. Don’t get me wrong – I like Cascada’s music but I fully expected them to slide into oblivion with the grace of 2 Unlimited or the Real McCoy. Their continued success seems, well, completely unnecessary.

Cascada returned to the UK top 10 in December with another craptastic cover version, “What Hurts The Most” and it’s now Australia’s turn to experience the wonder of their latest Euro-turd. Surprisingly, I’m finding it hard to muster a lot of enthusiasm. “What Hurst The Most” is shiny slice of commercial trance that will no doubt compel trashbags across the nation to grab the nearest glow stick but I can’t get past the grimly manufactured sound, the almost clinical lack of emotion and the lazy song selection. “What Hurts The Most” has been covered several times, first by Jo O’Meara (of S Club 7 “fame”) before more recently being given the country treatment by Rascal Flatts. I like both versions but Jo’s lovely rendition is proof that pop and emotion are not mutually exclusive. Shame she turned out to be a suicidal racist. It’s not all bad, I guess. D’Luv revealed his secret heterosexual yearnings by waxing lyrical about Caskanka’s breasts, while Jamie from Poplicious highlights the innate camp appeal of the video clip (below), which finds our beloved Teutonic automaton singing heartbreaking lyrics with a beaming smile while being tattooed –no less!

As rubbish as the song is, I'm still rather taken by Yanou's obligatory Candlelight Mix. Stripped of its cheap trance trappings, this version actually sounds like it was sung by a human being instead of an emotionless robot. If “What Hurts The Most” rings your bell, take heart. Cascada’s new album, “Perfect Day”, serves up more of the same. I could only listen to it a couple of times before putting it to better use as a beer coaster but their version of Avril Lavigne’s “Sk8ter Boi” is a rather delicious concoction. “What Hurts The Most” is released in Australia on the 18th of February. Order your copy here.

He Used To Give Me Roses....

I have spent 168 hours of 2007 watching the first 14 volumes of "Prisoner (Cell Block H)". That equates to spending an entire week in the company of Wentworth's finest and I've enjoyed every single second. In my opinion, "Prisoner (Cell Block H)" is the greatest show in the history of television. Running from 1979 to 1986, "Prisoner" revolutionised Australian drama and set new benchmarks in quality and originality. I'm constantly in awe of the brilliant writing and fully fleshed characters. The latest installment (above) deals with Vera "Vinegar Tits" Bennett's departure from the show and I doubt we'll ever see a character as small, petty and painfully human as Vera ever again. I can't remember squirming as much as I did during Vera's farewell. The episode should be sent every soapie writer around the globe as a "how to" guide for quality television. I could write an essay about the show's amazing characters, groundbreaking storylines and enduring cult appeal but the "Prisoner" phenomenon is something you have to experience for yourself. Instead, I'm devoting this post to the show's much loved theme song, "On The Inside".

Is there anything more achingly depressing than hearing Lynne Hamilton's morose ballad juxtaposed against the slamming of prison gates at the end of each episode of "Prisoner"? Despite its gloomy tone, "On The Inside" immediately struck a chord with viewers and became a #4 hit for Lynne in Australia in 1979. The song found a whole new audience ten years later when "Prisoner" became a cult hit in Britain. "On The Inside" was an even bigger hit in the UK, reaching #3 in 1989. Make sure you check out this amusing clip of Jason Donovan introducing the song on Top Of The Pops! Amazingly, Lynne's depressive signature tune was revived for the third time in the 1990s when it remixed and released as a tragic dance anthem. I love all of the appalling remixes but I've decided to share the unbelievably camp "Breakout Mix".

You can purchase all 14 volumes of "Prisoner" from Chaos. Volumes 15 and 16 are scheduled for released on Monday. Fanatics can pick up the entire boxset if you have a spare $1,500. I would do some bad things to get my hands on that shit!

Betty Boo's Floptastic Comeback

Betty Boo earned a special place is pop trash history with a string of iconic early 90s hits such as "Doin' The Do" and "Where Are You Baby?". Betty's unique combination of pop, dance and laconic rap was a revelation and she (rather unfortunately) paved the way for artists like Lily Allen and The Streets. Try not to hold that against her. Betty's debut album, "Boomania", still sounds fresh and original 15 years after its release and her massively unsuccessful second album, "GRRR! It's Betty Boo", is nothing less than a poptastic masterpiece.

While Betty's solo career went down the toilet at the speed of light, she successfully reinvented herself as a highly respected songwriter and has even penned tracks for international megastars like Dannii Minogue. After years of handing over her pop gems to other divas, Ms Boo has decided to hang on to a couple of them for herself. Betty scored her first solo "hit" in 14 years, when she peaked at #92 on the UK charts with "Take Off". Credited to Jack Rokka Vs Betty Boo, "Take Off" is an electro club stormer with a throbbing baseline and slutty lyrics about fucking in your car. Betty couldn't have hoped for a more fitting comeback!

You can order "Take Off" from Amazon UK or HMV UK. Make sure you check out the bootastic "Take Off" video. Betty hasn't aged a day!

Insomnia's Fabulous Hatchet Job

If you thought the Bliss cover of "American Pie" was rubbish, then hold on to your hair extensions for Insomnia! This sublimely tragic Australian duo launched their career with an astonishingly bad dance interpretation of "Fame" in the late 90s. Not surprisingly, it flopped and Insomnia were never heard of again. Well, one half of Insomnia at least. Pop fans may recognise Kellie Hoggart in the picture below. For the uninitiated, Kellie was a member of the 90s girlband, Teen Queens, and now performs to snotty nosed children around the globe as a member of Hi-5. I hope Kellie looks back on her days as the front woman of Insomnia with great pride. Their one and only flop, "Fame", is a four minute musical trainwreck of the highest order. "Fame" has all the ingredients of a pop trash classic - tacky beats, thin vocals and dated production. The cheesy record scratching and manic keyboards never fail to make me laugh. As much as I enjoy the music, the thing I love most about Insomnia's "Fame" is the fact that it's such a relic of its time. You just know that a small army of Chupa Chup munching disco dollies waved their glow sticks to this stunning anthem. Give "Fame" a spin and re-live your glory days. Just don't wear that shiteous lime green number you've been hiding in the back of your wardrobe. It was wrong - even then!

Many thanks to Steen for reminding me of this masterpiece and sending me a copy! How funny is the Star Wars inspired artwork!

Swedish Trash Kings - Sunblock

Sunblock is a dance group comprised of two Swedish DJs. Not that you would know it from looking at their videos and album covers, which generally depict three buxom ladies in various states of undress. As you have probably already guessed, there is nothing high brow about Sunblock. Their first single was a remix of the Baywatch theme song, they specialise in trashy dance covers and their videos often feature Swedish tarts flashing their tits. Basically, they are my idea of musical bliss!

I feel like I've indulged in too much culture lately. I've been ranting about Robyn for days and I'm still buzzing about Brielle's acoustic show. An acoustic show with a real guitar! It's time to get back to my trashy roots and you can't really get any deeper into the gutter than Sunblock. Well, actually you can - but I need to keep something up my sleeve! Sunblock first came to my attention with their remixed Baywatch theme, "I'll Be Ready". I loved their sleazy image but was not particularly overwhelmed by the song. Given the group's non-existent profile in Australia, their other European hits passed me by until my friend Jay insisted I pay Sunblock some serious attention. I'm glad I did because Sunblock's treasure trove of trashy dance/pop gems is positively overwhelming!

Sunblock's stunning "The First Time" Clip

This post will focus on my two favourite Sunblock anthems. "The First Time" will be instantly familiar to anyone old enough to remember the late 1980s. Robin Beck scored a worldwide smash hit with the original when it was picked up as the theme song for a Coke advertisement. I've always considered Robin to be one of the most underrated divas in pop, so it's nice to discover that Sunblock invited her back to perform the vocals on their version. The resulting song sounds like Kelly Llorenna on crack. Yes, it's that good! "The First Time" made the top 10 in the UK and much of Europe but has been shamefully ignored in Australia. The same goes for Sunblock's stunning debut album, "I'll Be Ready". Even the album tracks are brilliant. I particularly love, "Tune In (My Frequency)". I'm not sure which diva provides the vocals but she is seriously fabulous!

If you need any further proof of Sunblock's brilliance, check out their latest video for "Baby Baby" (a stunning cover of Corona's 90s classic)! It comes in three formats. The standard clip with busty bimbos, an adult's only version with an eyeful of boobies and just to prove that they're not complete misogynists, there's even a classy poofter edit with shirtless men riding mechanical bulls! Bless.

A big thanks to Jay for all his help with this post! If you live in Europe, you can buy "The First Time" maxi-single as well as Sunblock's album, "I'll Be Ready", from CDON. Otherwise, you can order a copy from HMV UK or Amazon UK. Chaos are also selling import copies locally for $30.

Melinda Jackson's New Video

The video has finally arrived for one of my favourite Australian pop songs of the year. Melinda Jackson's "Magic" is not so much a cover of the Police's "Every Little Thing That She Does Is Magic" as a complete musical overhaul. The result is a dose of pure, unadulterated pop! The fun video finds Melinda rolling around in bed, looking gorgeous as usual. I particularly like the quirky special effects! "Magic" is released on Monday. The single contains 7 fabulous mixes (including the awesome Moustache Club Mix) and can be purchased here. Bring on Melinda's debut album!

Kelly Llorenna's New Anthems

After the astonishing lack of success that greeted Kelly Llorenna's last single, it appeared that the orange goddess had finally run out of chances. Thankfully, England's greatest living musical talent has found herself a fabulous new day job as the new voice of dance outfit, Love To Infinity. According to Love To Infinity's myspace, Kelly Llorenna has been hired to help celebrate the group's 15th anniversary by re-recording their biggest hit - 1995's "Keep Love Together". I'm not familiar with the original but I'm sure it has nothing on Kelly's amazing interpretation. The queen of fake tan's powerful vocals are on full display and the track definitely has an anthemic quality. You can hear the track on the group's myspace. As much as I admire "Keep Love Together", I prefer Kelly's other collaboration with Love To Infinity. "Sweetest Day Of May" is a gorgeous slice of retro dance-pop, which is reminiscent of K Lo's brilliant "Heart Of Gold".

It warms my heart to think that Kelly Llorenna's stunning talent is finally being properly harnessed. The release date for "Keep Love Together" is yet to be announced but I'm sure it will return K Lo to her rightful place in the lower reaches of the top 100.

EliZe's Japanese Makeover

EliZe is the Dutch Dannii and I mean that as a massive compliment! EliZe was a child star in Holland, who was best remembered for singing about growing breasts - "Het Tietenlied" - literally, "The Tit Song" (!) until she became an international pop sensation and one of my favourite trashy divas upon the release of her brilliant anthem "Automatic". That song is Euro-pop at its absolute finest - driving beats, catchy lyrics and a slutty "Can't Get You Out Of My Head" inspired video. EliZe proved that she was a diva to be reckoned with by following "Automatic" with a string of fabulous hits ("Into Your System", "Shake", "Itsy Bitsy Spider" and my favourite, the amusing J. Lo inspired "No Latino") and an exceptional debut album, "In Control". While desperate UK divas like Rachel Stevens and Lisa Scott-Lee tried and failed to launch careers as second rate Kylie impersonators, EliZe embraced the trashy goddess within and just stole blindly from everyone - with truly fabulous results!

I had high hopes for the international prospects of "In Control". The quality of the music is consistently excellent and EliZe is not exactly hard on the eyes. "Automatic" was released around the world (including Australia) but "In Control" is still difficult to find outside her home country. That is until the album's recent Japanese release. I've always been slightly jealous of Japanese music fans. Album covers are often changed (for the better) and bonus tracks are usually added to the tracklist. As you can see, the Japanese version of "In Control" boasts a far more appealing cover than the original version (below) and it has been enriched by a couple of wonderful remixes.

The first time I heard the Japanese remix of "Automatic" I was appalled. EliZe's Euro-pop classic has been transformed into a trashy trance anthem, which sounds like a cross between Cascada and Alex Gaudino's "Destination Unknown". However, by the second listen, I was too busy shaking my arse (with lots of class) to care about the song's lowbrow makeover. In fact, I kind of love it. Apparently, trance is still very much the leading dance genre in Japan and the remix is a shrewd move to appeal to the Japanese market. I wish lovely EliZe every success.

You can purchase the Japanese version of "In Control" from HMV Japan or order it from Chaos but expect to pay around $40. If you're a casual fan, the standard version of "In Control" is now available to download from iTunes and wont leave you bankrupt. "In Control" is highly recommended. Check out EliZe's website for more details.

A big THANK YOU to Nori for all his help with this post!

On The Verge Of Something Wonderful

I really want to like Darren Hayes. I enjoy the occasional song ("Crush" and "Popular" come to mind) but more often than not his music leaves me cold. I think it has something to do with the high-pitched wailing (otherwise known as Mariah Carey-itis) that pollutes every second song. However, Darren seems to have got his shit together the third time around and I'm genuinely looking forward to his latest album, "This Delicate Thing We've Made". The first single, "On The Verge Of Something Wonderful", is nice enough but hardly warrants the deafening buzz surrounding it. The video looks like something Daft Punk rejected in 2001 and even Fergie would draw the line at some of these lyrics ("you can walk in the devil's shoes, if you like walking in heels").

While I have my reservations about "On The Verge", the single is definitely worth purchasing for the awesome remixes of "Step Into The Light". That song was leaked on Darren's website and Myspace way back in April. "Step Into The Light" is a haunting slice of electro-pop, which has been transformed into a superb dance anthem by the remixes without losing the essence of the original song. "Step Into The Light" is climbing the US dance charts (#18 this week) and strikes me as a far better choice to launch the album than "On The Verge". Happily for Darren, I seem to be in the minority. "On The Verge" debuted at #29 this week and has a good chance to continue climbing.

"On The Verge Of Something Wonderful" is currently available from iTunes, Chaos and Sanity. Darren's album, "This Delicate Thing We've Made", is released on the 20th of August. I have my eyes set on the special edition which comes with a bonus "origami cranefly". How very gay!

The Return Of Infernal!

Paw and Lina have done it again. The sexy Danish duo, otherwise known as Infernal, returned to the Australian music scene last week with a fantastic new offering, "I Won't Be Crying". To be more precise the song is only new to Australian fans as it already features on the UK and revised international versions of their brilliant album, "From Paris To Berlin". As a very sweet bonus, the single includes their poptastic cover of Laura Branigan's "Self Control", which was also left off the Australian edition of their album.

Infernal is possibly my favourite band. They have an uncanny ability to churn out insanely catchy dance fluff that works just as well on the radio or in a club. "I Won't Be Crying" is yet another slice of Infernal fabulousness. The song stays true to the Infernal formula of shiny, meaningless dance/pop but throws in some guitars for a bit of a change up. The result is just as appealing and ridiculous as ever! The video is another trash materpiece with Paw camping it up, preening himself in a room of mirrors, while Lina prances around on the hands of a clock. Classy!

"I Won't Be Crying" is yet to make any impact on the charts, which is probably due to the fact that Central Station releases are getting harder to find than Britney's dignity. It's a shame because "I Won't Be Crying" has immense commercial appeal and the tracklist is nothing less than superb.

Please support trashy dance music by purchasing the single from Chaos or iTunes. Check out Infernal's Myspace and fabulous website.

The Gay Pimp Is My Hero

I know I must sound like a broken record but I find the new wave of gay pop acts unbearably shit. This is not open for discussion. Darren Hayes is a personality free zone, Will Young is a complete waste of space, Anthony Callea is a repulsive dwarf, Mika is a fugly hypocrite who wont even confirm that he's into cock and I really couldn't give a flying fuck about Rufus Wainwright, his cunt sister or his well hung German boyfriend. After the fabulous heights scaled by Pete Burns, Boy George and Paul Parker in the 1980s - how did it come to THIS? Thankfully, there is still one gay artist who makes brilliant pop music and actually has something to say. His name is Jonny McGovern and I worship the dirty, gay ground he walks on.

Jonny is probably best known as the Gay Pimp, the dashing superstar homosexual behind youtube classics "Soccer Practice" and "Lookin' Cute, Feelin' Cute". Mr McGovern started his career as a stand up comic before unintentionally revolutionising gay pop as we know it. The genius which "Soccer Practice" and "Lookin' Cute, Feelin' Cute" display is really quite dazzling. The Gay Pimp character is a human banner that screams "fuck you" to the multitude of gangster rappers who perpetuate homophobia in their lyrics. Jonny uses a medium known for its intolerance, turns it inside out and creates a queer utopia. Moreover, he has crafted two shining pop gems that work just as well without their hilarious videos. This is what, in my opinion, separates Jonny from other internet "celebrities". Behind the amusement lies one hell of a gifted songwriter.

In case you are the one gay who still hasn't seen the video for "Soccer Practice", brace yourself for one of the best pop songs of the decade!

The follow up "Lookin' Cute, Feelin' Cute" is an even bolder political statement. I can't emphasise how important it is to hear a gay man sing lyrics like "We can't get married but that's ok, we like to fuck too much anyway". It's not only amusing but it packs one hell of a punch. Unlike Darren Hayes and Elton John, who bleat on about their crappy gay marriages, Jonny says "fuck you and your hetero customs" and personally, I couldn't agree more. Don't even get me started on the fabulous Gayboy Bunnies or the dirty, gay breakdown. Respect!

After taking a brief leave of absence, Jonny returned earlier this year with a hot new song and recently released his second album "Gays Gone Wild". The sound is distinctly harder and more dance orientated but the humour is still there and Jonny's knack for touching on important gay issues remains uncanny. Songs like "Girl, I Fucked Yo' Boyfriend", "Bossy Bottom" and "Don't Fall In Love With A Homo" are musical snapshots of gay life in all its fucked up glory. One of my favourites is "Electroboy". What's not to like about a song that begins with the words "your asymmetrical haircut is making me hot"? I wasn't overly taken with the lead single "Something For The Fellas (That Like Fellas)" when I first heard it but it's a grower and the video is certainly memorable. I think the tranny rapper deserves her own album. What a fabulous bitch!

Here is a short clip of Jonny performing "Don't Fall In Love With A Homo" at a recent gay pride event. I wish I was there to worship the Gay Pimp in person!

I've uploaded "Soccer Practice" and an older version of "Electroboy", which was free to download from Jonny's website a couple of years ago.

The CD versions of these songs are much better quality and slightly remixed. "Soccer Practice" is available on Gay Pimp's first album "Dirty Gay Hits", which you can and should purchase here. The new and improved "Electroboy" can be found on Jonny's brilliant new album "Gays Gone Wild", which is available from iTunes and CD Baby. You can find out more about Jonny's music on his stunningly gay website.

Engelbert Humperdinck's Dance Album

I've decided to interrupt my recent posting spree of new Australian pop music to worship an album that has long been close to my heart. I don't think anyone will mind. If the overwhelming silence that greeted my posts on Cosima, Amy & Co is any indication, I assume you think they are a bunch of useless cunts anyway. And you could well be right. The same, however, can not be said for the subject of this post. Engelbert Humperdinck is a true legend (or so my mother tells me) and his dance album is one of the most delicious pop trash offerings of the last decade. Make no mistake, this album is cheesier than an unwashed cock dipped in fondue!

The most remarkable thing about Engelbert's dance experiment is the fact that the album is actually rather brilliant. Released in 1998, when Engelbert was a mere 62 years old, "The Dance Album" appears to be one of the first attempts to jump on Cher's "Believe" bandwagon. However, Engelbert's comeback as the undisputed king of the dancefloor took a slightly different approach. Firstly, he employed Chris Cox and Barry Harris to produce the whole album. Those names should be familiar to club queens because they are otherwise known as Thunderpuss and released a series of brilliant remixes for the likes of Whitney, Madonna and Britney in the late 1990s.

The album also differentiates itself from the other geriatric dance albums by mostly comprising of new, gayed-up versions of old hits. The dance re-makes of "Release Me" and "A Man Without Love" are truly sublime, while I never miss the opportunity to stun and amaze my guests by playing the glorious disco version of "The Last Waltz"! In addition revitalising several classic Humperdinck hits, the Thunderpuss boys also contribute four new songs. All of the new tunes make me moist but "Am I The Lover" is a craptastic masterpiece! Who wouldn't want to be serenaded by sexy Engelbert singing this anthem?! It's easy to dismiss "The Dance Album" as a gimmick or a tragic grasp for relevance by a fading star. However, it's much harder to ignore the album's enormous appeal or the overwhelming sense of fun that shines through each and every song.

"The Dance Album" can be purchased cheaply from Amazon and regularly turns up on Ebay.

Good Grief, Cosima's Back!

Cosima De Vito returns to the pop scene this week with a brand new single and to my complete surprise, it's entirely fabulous! "Keep It Natural" is Cosima's first single in two years and represents a completely new musical direction for the diva who placed 3rd on the first series of Australian Idol, behind Guy Sebastian and Shannon Noll. The dreary ballads have given way to a thumping dancefloor anthem, which is easily the best Australian Idol solo single since Paulini's "Rough Day". "Keep It Natural" is already gaining popularity on the club scene and could be the start of a whole new career as a trashy dance diva!

I have said a lot of nasty things about Cosima in the past, describing her as the poor man's Tina Arena and likening her face to a slapped arsehole. I might have been overly unkind but anyone who suffered through Cosima's notorious debut album will understand my grudge. For those lucky enough to have escaped "Cosima", the album's notoriety lies with fact that it was comprised almost exclusively of lame Diane Warren penned power ballads, the majority of which had already been released by other artists. In a nutshell, it was a dreary pile of shit. To make matters worse, the project was self-funded and is rumoured to have pushed the De Vito family close bankruptcy when the album flopped. It's great to see that Cosima has learned from her mistakes and found a whole new sound.

I've had my misgivings about Cosima's choice of material but never about the quality of her voice. I still think she sounds like Tina Arena but that is a massive compliment. It makes a nice change to hear someone who can actually belt the fuck out of song instead of talking their way through it. In fact, Cosima's voice is so big that "Keep It Natural" reminds me of Deborah Cox at her best. I was also impressed to learn that Cosima co-wrote the song with Trevor Steel. Hopefully, this means no more Diane Warren! You know a song is being aimed squarely at the gays when a "Taylor Square Remix" is included (Taylor Square is a meeting point on Sydney's gay scene) and I couldn't be happier - the remix is a trashy delight!

You can purchase Cosima's dancefloor anthem from Sanity, Chaos and iTunes. The single includes an interesting Italian version of the song. Check out this fantastic live performance on the Today Show or visit Cosima's website for further information.

Rebekah K's Other Pop Gem!

Since starting this Blog, I have only really received hate mail from irate Dannii fans who felt the need to express their disgust at my posts on Lezzigate and the "blasphemous" Danniigoose. That is until my recent Rebekah K post. Rebekah's fabulous debut single "Be My Baby" turned out to be an old Vanessa Paradis tune and I received several emails from unimpressed Vanessa fans. Personally, I can't believe that old gap toothed whore has any fans. They should be grateful that Rebekah lowered herself to cover one of the cunt's ancient flops instead of whinging about her "lowbrow" interpretation. Fuck off!

Now that's off my chest, back to Miss K! Rebekah followed her stunning Paradis cover with the exquisite "Everything I Do". I actually think this might be another Euro cover but I can't be certain. I'm sure someone will let me know. The song is a significant improvement on "Be My Baby" and in retrospect, is really quite outstanding. "Everything I Do" reminds me of Dannii's output circa "Neon Nights". Yes, it's that good! I blame the song's failure on the distressing cover photo, which makes Rebekah look alarmingly similar to Delta Goodrem. Thank heavens the music bears no such likeness!

I think it's high time that Miss K released some new material. I know she is still around, performing as the opening act for the odd Australian Idol reject. This woman's talent is too overwhelming to remain untapped. The Rebekah K revival starts here!!

Rebekah's songs are yet to appear on iTunes. However, her singles occasionally turn up on Australian Ebay.

The Remix Queen - Deborah Cox

"The Morning After" is a terrible album full of uninspired, soulless R'n'B grooves that were probably rejected by every third rate diva in the music business before finding their way to Deborah Cox. And yet, this stinking musical turd houses two of my favourite songs. "Absolutely Not" and "Mr Lonely" are veritable gay classics. I find it truly baffling how someone can create such fabulous tunes and still be happy to dump something as tired and boring as "The Morning After" on their fans. Bizarrely, this kind of inconsistency has become something of a habit for Deborah. She can be brilliant (eg. "Nobody's Supposed To Be Here" and "Same Script, Different Cast") but spends most of her time churning out complete crap. Go figure.

That's enough negativity. Despite all of the above, I'm actually quite a fan! Deborah has an exquisite voice and a knack for working with some of the best producers and remixers in American dance music. If only she would devote an entire album to the dance floor and deliver more corkers like "Absolutely Not" and "Mr Lonely". The former is something of a theme song for the gay scene in Sydney. I seriously can't remember a night when I've gone out and not heard it. It feels like every second drag queen on Oxford Street has mouthed the classic lines "should I wear my hair in a ponytail? Should I dress myself up in Chanel?" - If any song deserves to be called a drag anthem, it is "Absolutely Not". The other decent cut from "The Morning After" is "Mr Lonely", which was fabulous in its original form but made even more delightful by Hex Hector. I've also thrown in a remix of "Up & Down", which is barely recognisable and vastly improved in its remixed form.

You can purchase "The Morning After" from all the usual online retailers. The fabulous remixes can be found on iTunes and on Deborah's rather fierce remix album.