MC Kylie Rocks Sound Relief

The Minogue sisters bring high fashion to Sound Relief

Sound Relief was a noble idea and raised A LOT of money for victims of the Victorian bushfires but did it really have to be so fucking boring? The only real highlight (well, apart from Olivia Newton-John teaming up with Barry Gibb for a lovely cover of "Islands In The Stream") was Kylie's homecoming for the Melbourne concert. For a while there it looked like the pint-sized diva wouldn't be able to make it, which would have been an absolute PR nightmare. Worse still, the organisers would have been forced to employ Dannii and there's no way she could have handled all that work! Not that Kylie actually performed as such. Rather, she signed on for hosting duties and did a pretty good job of keeping the crowd awake despite the mind numbing boredom and torrential rain. My favourite moment was her impromptu rendition of our unofficial national anthem - Peter Allen's "I Still Call Australia Home". I really, really hate that song but it was great to see Kylie just sing into a microphone without the distraction of backing dancers or an elaborate costume. She sounded great but those flood lights did not do her (or anyone else) any favours. Poor Kylie looked like an extra from Underworld 3: Rise Of The Lycans! Love the jacket though. Check out Kylie's patriotic performance below.

While on the topic of Kylie, I can't pass up the opportunity to comment on "Inverse" - her new fragrance for men. On the universal scale of gayness, I'm probably somewhere between Liberace and Richard Simmons but even I would draw the line at this shit! Actually, that's a lie. I'll probably buy "Inverse" for sheer comedic value when it's being sold on Ebay for 99 cents a case but even then I would have to be under the influence of hard drugs. On the brightside, owning a bottle of this piss will save you coming out to family and friends. It's the aromatic equivalent of walking around with a T-shirt that says "I love dick". At least the commerical (below) is a classy affair. For a moment I thought they were using old footage from "Better The Devil You Know". Kylie has exactly the same hair and looks just as lovely. Hiring her own boyfriend as the male model was another nice touch. I assume Andrés is on some kind of retainer, so at least she's getting something for her money. I just wish there was some kind of explanation for the scent's intriguing name. Does it refer to the inverse relationship between your sex appeal and the amount of Kylie cologne you use?