Welcome to my very first Pop Panel! I've been thinking of a way to make this blog more collaborative for a while now, so I thought I'd ask some of my favourite bloggers to help me decide on a 'Single Of The Week'. The concept couldn't be more simple. All the panellists have to do is rate a bunch of recently released pop tracks out of five. The idea is still very much a work in progress but so far it's been a lot of fun - even though I utterly detest the winner. My poor blog may never recover! Anyway, it's time to introduce this week's panel:D'Luv (US) - The man behind the hugely popular and extremely fabulous Chart Rigger.
Pablo (Spain) - The classiest (*cough*) blogger ever to emerge from Huesca. See Peibols for proof.
Paul (UK) - Everyone knows and loves this blogwhore, making Fizzy Pop a must read.
Robpop (UK) - The internet would be a wasteland without the genius of Don't Stop The Pop.
The Prophet (Aus) - The Prophet is THE place to be for fans of urban music.
And myself (Mike) of Pop Trash Addicts "fame"!
So here there are, ranked according to their votes:
Mariah - Love Story (video)
D'Luv: No. (1/5)
Mike: Dear Mimi, close your precious eyes and think of pretty, pink unicorns. These ignorant haters are obviously blind to your greatness! (3.5/5)
Pablo: Boooooring! I've seen videos made from Power Point with better music and more love. Like this Gypsy Wedding in Huesca. (1/5)
Paul: Unlike Mariah's ever expanding jugs, this will not be massive. Hideous. She's milking that album more than she is her new husband. Get back to your wifely duties woman! (1/5)
Prophet: "E=MC2" is easily the worst album that Mariah Carey has ever recorded. 'Love Story' is just another one of "E=MC2's" generic, boring and stale ballads. (1/5)
Robpop: I want retro Mariah back. When she mentally declared to her departed lover that she would be his baby. (0/5)
Total: 7.5/30
Paula Abdul - I'm Just Here For The Music (video)
D'Luv: This song would be a grower if any radio station were actually playing it enough to force you to like it. But thankfully... (2/5)
Mike: There's a reason why this was left off "Body Language". It's fucking shit. (0/5)
Pablo: Almost as boring as Mariah. If Paula isn't drunk, I don't pay her any attention. (1/5)
Paul: I'd rather munch out a sweaty Beth Ditto than listen to this abomination again. (0/5)
Prophet: The rumours about Paula's drug use are obviously true because only somebody pumped full of meds would think it was a good idea to cover a Kylie Minogue song. At least do something by her sister who's actually half decent. What happened to the "Cold Hearted Snake" I used to know and love? (1/5)
Robpop: Completely fun. This is what its about. Fuck its history and context. Judging by the song alone, it hits my pleasure principle. Hard. (5/5)
Total: 9/30
Peaches - Talk To Me (video)
D'Luv: Peaches always seems like a good idea on paper, but let's face it; her songs have consistently sucked for six years now. (1/5)
Mike: A true pioneer at the very height of her game! (4/5)
Pablo: Dark! (4/5)
Paul: I feel bilious just listening to it. More angry girl rock. (2/5)
Prophet: Peaches is a pretentious twat but I absolutely love her music and this is no exception. Not quite as good as "Kick It" but fabulous nonetheless. (3.5/5)
Robpop: Yawn. (1/5)
Total: 15.5/30
Jordin Sparks - Battlefield (video)
D'Luv: She just needs to be plowed. (3/5)
Mike: Ryan Tedder is an amazing songwriter but this tune is completely wasted on Jordin Sparks. A gifted vocalist like Beyoncé would have turned this out, Jordin just makes it mediocre. (2/5)
Pablo: I hate ballads. Any kind of ballad. (1/5)
Paul: Sigh. Jordin. Could people stop creaming their Aussie Bums over her now please? She didn't just give birth to Christ or anything, she is just singing a somewhat above average pop song that's quite nice. (3.5/5)
Prophet: A guaranteed #1 smash. This Ryan Tedder written & produced track is like the absolute best kind of commercial radio fodder available. Just think Kelly Clarkson's "Breakaway" album for 2009. (4.5/5)
Robpop: Jessica Mauboy & Emilia De Poret do this sort of thing a lot better but this is okay. There is absolutely no emotion in Jordin's vocals despite the lyrics which suggest absolute heartache. (3/5)
Total: 17/30
James Leon - Purple Heart (video)
D'Luv: This clip leads me to believe James has wiled away many sleazy hours. (3/5)
Mike: Beautifully simple and melodic. James Leon is an electropop force to be reckoned with. (4.5/5)
Pablo: Any more 90's and it'll explode. (2/5)
Paul: Although I think the lyrics should say "my purple head will heal you" there's a lot of melody and loveliness in the chorus. (4.5/5)
Prophet: Oh please, I can't stand this pretentious gay indie-electro trash. Maybe if I was manking out on a vial upstairs at the Midnight Shift then I could appreciate this - but until that day comes, this gets a (1.5/5) from me.
Robpop: Beautiful electro soft pumped up ballad that is magically sparse & deserves more attention. (3/5)
Total: 18.5/30
La Roux - Bulletproof (video)
D'Luv: Clay Aiken actually looks quite butch in this video, so I'm giving it a good rating. (4/5)
Mike: There's something painfully pretentious about this duo but "Bulletproof" is an undeniably delicious serve of electropop goodness. (3.5/5)
Pablo: The ugly daughter from Nicola Roberts from Girls Aloud and Siobhan Donaghy remaking Robyn's video. Sticky. (3/5)
Paul: My god she looks scary in the video. Why is she singing over the backing track from 80s video game classic "Frogger"? Sort of works though. (3/5)
Prophet: When this started I thought "Ohh, finally some electro I like". Unfortunately some screaming ginger dyke had to come along and ruin it all. (2/5)
Robpop: Part-Grange Hill, Part-Robyn, Bulletproof is a rather nice ditty from a terribly English singer who tries far too much to fit in with the Shoreditch crowd. It works however. A success. (4/5)
Total: 19.5/30
The Vanish - Heartbeat (video)
D'Luv: There's only one Cut Copy in my book, but these guys come off as their brattier second cousins. Not bad. (3/5)
Mike: An absolute corker of a song. Fucking stunning from beginning to end. One of Australia's most promising bands. (4.5/5)
Pablo: Quite surprising. I didn't expect this kind of music could come out of Australia. (4/5)
Paul: It lost points for not being a cover of the Steps classic. (2.5/5)
Prophet: "What are wire hangers doing in this closet when I told you no wire hangers EVER!" Sorry, I ran off to watch "Mommie Dearest" so I could escape this audible hell. I hope these Presets knock offs make like their name and Vanish. (1.5/5)
Robpop: Absolutely amazing. (4/5)
Total: 19.5/30
SINGLE OF THE WEEK
Annie - Anthonio (video)
D'Luv: I like the Fred Falke version way better than the single version, but this is still 40 times better than Peaches. (4/5)
Mike: The Norwegian bore's reed thin, inexpressive vocals flounder in a muddy sea of dull electro beats and clichéd lyrics on this grating stinker. (0/5)
Pablo: I totally love it. (5/5)
Paul: Everything about this works. Only cos i remember all those fuckers who knobbed me on holiday and left me fake numbers and an itchy cock. Bastards. (5/5)
Prophet: Another winner from Norways finest. I love the melancholy feeling behind this electro-pop track almost as much as I love Annie herself. (4/5)
Robpop: The Flirts want their song back. (2/5)
Total: 20/30
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