How Do You Solve A Problem Like Heidi?

I know my writing can be distinctly tongue in cheek, so let me clarify in advance that this post is not intended to be ironic or sarcastic in any way. I honestly believe that Heidi Montag is one of the leading lights of modern pop music. There, I said it! Since her first recording leaked in 2007, the reality TV star has unleashed pop gems at an alarming rate. Songs like "Fashion", "Overdosin" and "Your Love Found Me" rival anything in the charts and yet Heidi is still staging fake weddings in Mexico to drum up publicity. Despite hooking up with some of the world's hottest producers, the poor bitch is no closer to a scoring a hit record than Tila Tequila and the reason is blindingly obvious - Team Montag doesn't have a clue.

Camping it up for "Overdosin" - my favourite Heidi track

Heidi Montag the pop star was always going to be a hard sell. This is a woman who is primarily famous for having the world's biggest douche as a boyfriend and sunbaking in skimpy bikinis. In other words, she's a typical Gen Y celebrity. Unfortunately, a degree of notoriety isn't a free ticket to chart success. People need to believe that Heidi is taking music seriously - not just using it as a means to fund her next breast augmentation. On that front, I think she's done pretty well by working with some of the hottest songwriters and producers (David Foster, Red One, Cathy Dennis etc) in the game. Heidi's problem lies in what comes next. Premiering your music on Perez Hilton and then dumping the songs on iTunes is not a well thought out marketing campaign! Either is spending a fortune on hot tracks only to release them with a cheesy home made video clip filmed by your drunk boyfriend. Heidi needs to settle on a single and give it a proper push - learn a dance routine, ask Britney for miming hints and do some traditional promotion in clubs and on television. I dread to think how she plans to promote her upcoming album. Simply being on The Hills isn't enough.

More fabulousness from "Overdosin"

Proof in point is the media whore's latest single. Penned by the amazing Cathy Dennis, "Blackout" is a top notch pop tune tailor made for the American market. I love everything about it - from the sweet chorus to the hook laden verses (those "woahs" get lodged in your head and simply refuse to leave). There's nothing particularly original or cutting edge about the track, it's just an old fashioned dose of well crafted pop music. I still think "Overdosin" is Heidi's masterpiece but this comes pretty close. What a shame then that it has to suffer the indignity of a poorly promoted iTunes release and possibly the year's most tragic video (below). The trash addict in me aches for this kind of shit but the song deserves better. You can download "Blackout" from Australian iTunes now.