Mi Corazón Gitano

Mi destino es andar,
Mis recuerdos son una estela en el mar

Let's face it, Shakira's "She Wolf" is already dead and buried outside of the Spanish speaking world. And I blame Sony. "Give It To Me" was an abomination and the company clearly spent more money on Kelly Clarkson's catering budget than Shakira's last couple of videos. The only thing that could revive the project now is rush releasing "Men In This Town" but even that hauntingly beautiful electronic masterpiece would have trouble saving this sinking ship. It's devestating because the album is extraordinary and deserves to be huge. Take single number four. "Gypsy" grabs you by the heartstrings and showcases the diva's stunning versatility. Who else could go from whoring it up in a glittery vagina to strumming a gentle folk song with such ease and authenticity? This is vintage Shakira. The quirky lyrics ooze a sunny melancholy, while the organic production owes more to 1969 than 2009 (when it was recorded). I love every second of it. I just happen to love the Spanish version more. Shakira sounds more natural in her native tongue and the translation is lovely. I wish I could speak the language well enough to get all the nuances but what I can understand is pure poetry. "Gitana" is being tacked onto the South American re-release of "She Wolf" as a bonus track but will hopefully appear on iTunes eventually. If not you might have to steal it get a little creative. The video (below) is well worth checking out. A lot has been made of Rafael Nadal's constant state of undress but I can't take my eyes of Shakira. She is the sexiest woman alive. After La Toya.

I'm In Love With Patricia Manterola

Things have been a little too high brow around here lately. As much as I love Alicia, Sia and Queen B... I'm starting to have trash withdrawals. So I racked my brains to find the trashiest diva currently burning up my Ipod and it was hard to go past Mexico's glorious Patricia Manterola. I've said it before but I swear Mexico is the Sweden of Latin America. That country churns out a seemingly endless supply of fabulous, upbeat pop tunes - mostly performed by busty ex-models/actresses with a penchant for wearing as little clothing as possible. In other words, it's my spiritual homeland and I'm already planning my first pilgrimage. Patricia will undoubtedly by high on my list of trashtastic divas to stalk if "Ya Termine" is reflective of her high musical standards. I've been in love with this brilliant electro-pop anthem for weeks and it just gets catchier with each listen. The chorus is gold and I love the GaGa-lite production. However, the song's biggest selling point is Patricia's unparalleled fierceness and the porntastic video clip (below). Any video that begins with the singer rolling around in bed with a smokin' hot shirtless man is fine by me, while Patricia's stunning array of skimpy bikinis and corsets will make strippers cry with envy. Bow down to a true trash icon.

Shakira's She Wolf - Album Review

As you can probably tell from some of my previous posts, I'm slightly obsessed with Shakira. "Laundry Service" remains one of my favourite albums of all time and I seem to be the only person who genuinely liked "Oral Fixation Vol. 2" - even though it failed to live up to the genius of Volume 1 (the sublime Spanish version). I was expecting huge things from her third English language album and Shakira delivers. Kind of. Don't get me wrong - I LOVE "She Wolf". It's one of the best pop albums you will hear all year (definitely in my top 5 for 2009 thus far) and it contains a handful of songs that rank right up there with "Día Especial", "Fool", "Las de la Intuición", "Underneath Your Clothes", "Te Dejo Madrid" and "Don't Bother" as Shakira classics. However, there is one major blight on this otherwise gorgeous set of pop tunes - the involvement of The Neptunes.

Pharrell seriously needs to back the fuck off before he drags any more divas into his web of urban mediocrity. At their best The Neptunes create fresh and interesting soundscapes that clearly inspire the people they work with (see Gwen's "Hollaback Girl" and Shakira's "Did It Again") but more often than not I hear the same old recycled beats and tired hooks (ie. Madonna's entire "Hard candy" album). The four (six if you count the Spanish versions) Neptunes produced tracks are not bad by any means. They just could have been recorded by any old skank. It's almost like Shakira has been lost in the process of making something American radio will play. Worse still, the songs don't sit very well with the rest of the album, which is adventurous, brave and eclectic - everything we've come to know and expect from Colombia's greatest export. Here's my review:

She Wolf - A+

I'm starting to feel just a little abused like a coffee machine in an office

I don't think anyone was expecting Shakira to return with a disco-tinged electro-pop anthem about lycanthropy and office furniture! It really shouldn't work (and sometimes I think it doesn't quite gel) but I love the track's eccentricity and fearlessness. Shakira isn't afraid to try new things and experiment with her sound. And her bravery is rewarded on this. John Hill's production carries the sometimes clumsy phrasing along perfectly and Shakira's lyrics and camp howls are an endless source of joy. Don't even get me started on the video, which is disturbs and amuses me in equal measure!

Did It Again - A+

Did it again
Damn, I got it all wrong
But it felt so right
I can't believe it

This song hits a little too close to home for me at the moment, which probably explains why I've played it about thirty times in the past 48 hours. Of all the Neptunes produced tracks, this is the clear stand out. "Did It Again" perfectly balances the electronic elements with small urban flourishes. The layering of beats and samples is dazzling and there are a million and one little hooks to draw you in. Best of all, this is still very much a Shakira song. Her confessional lyrics are perfectly showcased and her unique brand of melancholy is unmistakable. "Did It Again" reminds me of a slightly more upbeat version of Nelly Furtado's "Say It Right", which is a huge compliment.

Long Time - B-

Hold me, show me all the talent God has given you

I think I'm being overly generous giving this a B- (C+ would be more accurate) but it's inoffensive filler that happily bounces along like everything else The Neptunes have ever produced and I have a soft (hard?) spot for songs about frenzied fucking. I don't want to sound like a broken record but my problem with this is that it could have been recorded by anyone. There's not a reference to unshaved legs or a bad metaphor to be heard. Shakira is completely MIA.

Why Wait - B

Why wait for later?
I'm not a waiter

Everything that I said about "Long Time" basically applies to "Why Wait". The only reason I've given it a slightly higher rating is for the subtle Eastern elements that litter the track and for the chunkier beats. It's nice. It's just not Shakira.

Good Stuff - B+

I'm not gonna miss out on the good stuff
The grass is much greener with us on it

The last Neptunes production (phew!) is mercifully one of their best. "Good Stuff" is another club banger (in the American sense of the term) but what separates this from "Long Time" and "Why Wait" is the genuinely catchy chorus. I also love the quirky splashes of accordion and, if I'm not mistaken, I can even hear some tinkering on a xylophone! There's something wonderfully Latin about this track that should endear it to old school fans. Breezy and beautiful.

Men In This Town - A+

Where are all the men in this town?
What's a girl supposed to do?

Shakira, you're preaching to the choir. I've been asking myself the same question for years! Amazing and highly accurate lyrics aside, the great thing about "Men In This Town" is the fact that it represents the only truly electro track on the album. I can only imagine how brilliant "She Wolf" would have turned out if Shakira had pursued this sound further. It suits her perfectly and brilliantly showcases her quirky sensibility. John Hill's production is a revelation and I've decided that Kylie needs to hire him to helm "XI". By the way, am I hallucinating or does she really say "I never dreamed that I'd come here to be the next (Angelina) Jolie"?

Gypsy - A+

I'm a gypsy, are you coming with me?
I might steal your clothes and wear them if they fit me

Now this is an unexpected delight. Hiding among all the urban pop tunes and dance anthems is this sweet little guitar pop gem that wouldn't sound out of place on "Laundry Service" or "Oral Fixation Vol. 2". Co-written and co-produced by Amanda Ghost (who wrote "Disappear", "Ave Maria" and "Satellites" for Beyoncé's amazing "Sasha Fierce" album), "Gypsy" captures the essence of Shakira better than any other track on the album - perhaps with the exception of "Mon Amour". It's floaty, pretty, slightly weird and always engaging. I doubt this will ever be released as a single but it's already rocking the Shakira playlist on my Ipod.

Spy (Featuring Wyclef Jean) - B+

Blinds are see through
Let your mind go and imagine that I kiss you

Unfortunately, this is no "Hips Don't Lie". Instead of the upbeat party anthem I was expecting, "Spy" is a slinky urban groove about Shakira flirting with a stalker/peeping tom! It took a couple of listens but now I think it's great. The melody is gorgeous and I love the demented chorus. There's also a touch of old school R'n'B about this track, which makes it stand out from the rest of the album. Ba ba ba ba!

Mon Amour - A+

And I every night I pray that you don't knock her up
Cause I still want to be the mother of your child

What can you say about a song that opens with that couplet? Well, other than declare it a work of lyrical genius! "Mon Amour" reminds me a little of the hugely underrated "Hey You" from "Oral Fixation Vol. 2". It's bursting with crunchy guitars, drenched in ska and contains some of the best/worst lyrics ever recorded. The song even ends with Shakira welcoming passengers on a flight to hell! I love everything about "Mon Amour" and it makes me miss the slightly more varied sound palette of her old material. Again, it would be commercial suicide to release this as a single but I think it's essential Shakira.

Give It Up To Me (Featuring Lil Wayne and Timbaland) - F

You can go up my crane, girl
And imma go down that drain, girl

I should start by pointing out that this is mercifully not on the Australian or European versions of the album. It's a last minute addition to the delayed American release and according to reports will be the second single in America. This is a pathetic attempt to score a US hit and I can barely listen to the track without gagging on the stench of desperation. "Give It Up To Me" is little more than a rehash of Timbaland's "Give It To Me" with Shakira filling in for Nelly Furtado. The song is catchy as hell but Shakira is not a disposable urban nobody like Ciara or Keri Hilson. This is just demeaning.

Lo Hecho Está Hecho - A+

The Spanish version of "Did It Again".

Años Luz - B

The Spanish version of "Why Wait".

Loba - A+

"She Wolf" sounds even better in Spanish. Fact.

So where does that leave us? "She Wolf" is a fantastic album but it's not the triumph I was hoping for. It's definitely marked improvement on "Oral Fixation Vol. 2", I just wish Shakira had worked with John Hill on more tracks and left The Neptunes to aging has-beens like Madonna. My other concern is the lack of standout singles. There are at least half a dozen great songs but nothing I can imagine burning up the charts - perhaps with the exception of "Did It Again" and "Men In This Town" (at least in Australia and the UK). That has to be a worry for an album that was clearly constructed with the aim of being played on American radio. I still think "She Wolf" puts recent albums by Mariah, Britney and P!nk to shame - cementing Shakira's place near the top of the pop ladder. I just hope she's more true to herself next time around.

Fey & The Year's Trashiest Video!

A couple of months ago I wrote a post about the shy and retiring Mexican flower known as Lorena Herrera and declared her my new trash Goddess. Well, lovely Lorena has some serious competition from her slightly (OK, vastly) more successful countrywoman Fey. I'm still a novice when it comes to the Mexican music scene but I'm convinced that country is a veritable breeding ground for trashy pop. It seems like any old stripper with a reed thin voice and a tacky dance beat can get a record deal over there! Although I really shouldn't tar this stunning diva with the same brush as Lorena. After all, Fey was one of Latin America's biggest stars in the 90s before coming in and out of retirement more times than John Farnham.

For her latest comeback, the Mexican temptress has channelled Shakira by recording her album in both Spanish and English. I haven't actually heard the Spanish version yet but "Sweet Temptation" is one of 2009's guiltiest pleasures. It shamelessly steals from every dance album released since 1997 and boasts some of the cheapest production this side of "The Hits & Beyond". Needless to say, I fucking love each and every second of it! Expect a review in the near future but in the meantime I want to concentrate on the lead single or more specifically, its video (above). "Let Me Show You" is fairly typical of Fey's cheap and cheerful brand of pop but the film clip stands out as one of the funniest things I've seen all year. Basically Fey rides a subway train through outer space wearing a selection of hideous outfits that even Lady GaGa would draw the line at while flirting with a robot and playing on her iPhone! Think "Can't Get You Out Of My Head" on bad acid and you'll be semi-prepared for Fey's cinematic masterpiece. Forget about all those boring Scandinavian pretenders - Mexicans do it better. Fact!

Lorena Herrera - Mexican Trash Goddess

Some of you might remember that I started learning Spanish earlier this year at a shady Mexican school run by Colombian refugees. And no, they didn't mention any of that shit in the brochure! Unfortunately I had to drop out due to that whole unfortunate falling into a coma business but I finally re-enrolled and spent Tuesday night learning the names of Mexican vegetables. As undeniably fascinating as that was, I decided to dig deeper into Mexico's rich cultural heritage and hit my friend Joe up for some musical suggestions. I love all the music he sent me but one diva absolutely took my breath away with her unparalleled beauty and stunning vocal talent. Yes, I'm talking about the vision of elegance and class that is Lorena Herrera. Paulina Rubio and Thalia can fuck right off - I've officially found my Mexican muse!

Lorena really knows how to put on a show!

There's so much to love about Lorena. According to her bio, the luscious diva is a "highly acclaimed" actress who has starred in more than 50 movies. I can't be sure but I'm guessing the majority of those co-starred a donkey and were filmed in Tijuana. Somewhere along the way, lovely Lorena became a TV star and eventually began a music career in 1996. Since then she has released 6 albums and filmed some of the classiest video clips ever to grace youtube. Her latest single "Ya" is a perfect example (below). The Mexican beauty doesn't let anything as mundane as middle age (she's 42) stop her rolling around semi-naked with a snake or sucking on some guy's bulging pecs. Happily the song is just as classy as the video. "Ya" is a gloriously low brow dance anthem that sounds like something Melissa Tkautz recorded and ultimately rejected for "Lost & Found". Yes, it's THAT amazing! Apparently Lorena just released a new album in Mexico and I'm dying to hear it. Until I hunt down that masterpiece, I'll have to make do with youtube and her stunning soft porn website. If anyone has any other Mexican pop suggestions, please let me know!

Shakira's Back!

I've been excited about Shakira's new album for months and if the lead single is any indication, it's going to be well and truly worth the wait. "La Loba" (the Spanish version of her comeback song "She Wolf") leaked yesterday and I've been listening to it non-stop ever since. In one fell swoop, the Colombian diva has kicked all the pretenders to the curb with her quirky pop genius. While Madonna desperately jumps on the latest bandwagon and Kylie happily treads water by working with the likes of Xenomania, Shakira continues to take huge risks. "La Loba" is a genuinely odd track that juxtaposes lush disco beats with sleek electronic bleeps. It should be a complete disaster but in a dazzling slight of hand, Shakira makes it work.

A lot of people are describing the song as a massive departure but to a certain extent "La Loba" picks up where "Timor" left off. However, unlike Shakira's curiously upbeat anti-war anthem, "La Loba" doesn't hint at disco. It is disco. The song is so authentic I can almost see the mirror balls and smell the poppers! Part of me wishes she left out the electronic elements altogether but they do add another layer to the track. I'm not sure who produced "La Loba" but they deserve a lot of credit. The swirling strings are sublime and that killer bassline is an almost animalistic call to the dancefloor. This is so good, I almost don't want to hear the English version. Check out Shakira's stunning comeback below:

Shakira - An Aural Fixation

I know I haven't written a lot about Shakira in the past but the dark rooted Colombian beauty is right up there with Beyoncé and Mariah as my favourite pan American superstar. Needless to say, recently leaked details of her upcoming 8th studio album have me in a complete spin. The line up of producers alone is staggering. The diva has apparently recorded tracks with Red One (Lady GaGa), Toby Gad (Fergie & Beyoncé) and Pharrell Williams (Gwen Stefani) as well as Wyclef Jean and reggaeton legends Calle 13. The album has a September release date, so it shouldn't be too long before we hear something new. In the meantime, I thought I'd write a post about her last project - the sorely undervalued "Oral Fixation".

Like most people outside of South America, "Laundry Service" was my introduction to Shakira. That album sold more than 20 million copies around the world. In Australia, it went five times platinum and produced three top 5 singles. The cultural impact was phenomenal. Latin music went mainstream and the Shakira look was everywhere - even my mum let her roots grow out and bought a peasant blouse! Cut to 2005. "Oral Fixation" is released with little fanfare and misses the top 50 altogether in this country. The 2006 re-release did considerably better on the back of "Hips Don't Lie" but it was still a remarkable fall from grace. That sales pattern held true for most of the (English speaking) world. So, what went wrong?

In short - just about everything. I love both volumes in their own way but there simply wasn't enough excellent material for two separate albums. As a result both turned out patchy. Add to that a dodgy title, some bad single choices and general confusion about what to promote in each different territory and you have a giant mess on your hands. The great shame is that Shakira had a blistering follow-up to "Laundry Service" in the can. The "Oral Fixation" sessions created some truly amazing music including two of my favourite songs of all time. Taking the best songs from both volumes results in one hell of a good album. I'm sure opinions differ wildly but I've listed my suggested tracklist for "Oral Fixation" below:


1. Hips Don't Lie

The song that saved the whole "Oral Fixation" campaign is a glorious slice of throwaway urban pop. I have a feeling Shakira will re-visit this sound on her new album given the list of collaborators.

2. La Pared

Dark, introspective and very beautiful.

3. Don't Bother

The lead single from Volume 2 is an underrated pop gem. Some of the lyrics are a bit dubious but there's real emotion in this. I particularly love the general 'woe is me' sentiment. The remixes were also unusually good.

4. La Tortura

This irresistibly catchy duet with Alejandro Sanz went to #1 in 25 countries. For good reason.

5. Hey You

Possibly the quirkiest song on either album. This jam boasts jangly guitars, a sing-a-long chorus, splashes of brass and the infamous lyric “I’d like to be the owner of the zipper on your jeans and that thing that makes you happy”. Classy.

6. Día Especial

I mentioned earlier that Oral Fixation produced two of my all time favourite songs. Well, "Día Especial" is the first of them. This languid, melancholy ballad is an exquisite exercise in restraint. The English version, “The Day And The Time”, is lovely too but the Spanish version is perfection. A classic.

7. How Do You Do

A highly original exploration of religion - complete with chanting and a surprisingly catchy rock-lite chorus.

8. Día de Enero

This sweet love song was a single in most of South America. It's as cute as a button and never fails to brighten my mood. Check out the cheap and cheerful video.

9. Timor

Possibly the world's only disco anti-war anthem. I almost choked the first time I heard this. It's so jarring to hear lyrics of this nature set to a thumping dance beat, which I guess is Shakira's way of highlighting the absurdity of war. "Timor" has to be heard to be believed!

10. Las de la Intuición

This is my other all time favourite song from "Oral Fixation". People think of Shakira as being a bit serious but "Las de la Intuición" is pure, unadulterated POP with a hands in the air chorus and killer beats. Make sure you check out the trashtastic video clip. Hearing this in a Madrid nightclub last year was something akin to a spiritual experience for me. Shakira later recorded "Las de la Intuición" in English under the title "Pure Intention" but avoid that rubbish at all costs.

These ten "Oral Fixation" gems are all truly brilliant but I hope we don't have to mix and match Shakira's next album!