Mi destino es andar, Mis recuerdos son una estela en el mar
Let's face it, Shakira's "She Wolf" is already dead and buried outside of the Spanish speaking world. And I blame Sony. "Give It To Me" was an abomination and the company clearly spent more money on Kelly Clarkson's catering budget than Shakira's last couple of videos. The only thing that could revive the project now is rush releasing "Men In This Town" but even that hauntingly beautiful electronic masterpiece would have trouble saving this sinking ship. It's devestating because the album is extraordinary and deserves to be huge. Take single number four. "Gypsy" grabs you by the heartstrings and showcases the diva's stunning versatility. Who else could go from whoring it up in a glittery vagina to strumming a gentle folk song with such ease and authenticity? This is vintage Shakira. The quirky lyrics ooze a sunny melancholy, while the organic production owes more to 1969 than 2009 (when it was recorded). I love every second of it. I just happen to love the Spanish version more. Shakira sounds more natural in her native tongue and the translation is lovely. I wish I could speak the language well enough to get all the nuances but what I can understand is pure poetry. "Gitana" is being tacked onto the South American re-release of "She Wolf" as a bonus track but will hopefully appear on iTunes eventually. If not you might have to steal it get a little creative. The video (below) is well worth checking out. A lot has been made of Rafael Nadal's constant state of undress but I can't take my eyes of Shakira. She is the sexiest woman alive. After La Toya.
As you can probably tell from some of mypreviousposts, I'm slightly obsessed with Shakira. "Laundry Service" remains one of my favourite albums of all time and I seem to be the only person who genuinely liked "Oral Fixation Vol. 2" - even though it failed to live up to the genius of Volume 1 (the sublime Spanish version). I was expecting huge things from her third English language album and Shakira delivers. Kind of. Don't get me wrong - I LOVE "She Wolf". It's one of the best pop albums you will hear all year (definitely in my top 5 for 2009 thus far) and it contains a handful of songs that rank right up there with "Día Especial", "Fool", "Las de la Intuición", "Underneath Your Clothes", "Te Dejo Madrid" and "Don't Bother" as Shakira classics. However, there is one major blight on this otherwise gorgeous set of pop tunes - the involvement of The Neptunes.
Pharrell seriously needs to back the fuck off before he drags any more divas into his web of urban mediocrity. At their best The Neptunes create fresh and interesting soundscapes that clearly inspire the people they work with (see Gwen's "Hollaback Girl" and Shakira's "Did It Again") but more often than not I hear the same old recycled beats and tired hooks (ie. Madonna's entire "Hard candy" album). The four (six if you count the Spanish versions) Neptunes produced tracks are not bad by any means. They just could have been recorded by any old skank. It's almost like Shakira has been lost in the process of making something American radio will play. Worse still, the songs don't sit very well with the rest of the album, which is adventurous, brave and eclectic - everything we've come to know and expect from Colombia's greatest export. Here's my review:
She Wolf - A+
I'm starting to feel just a little abused like a coffee machine in an office
I don't think anyone was expecting Shakira to return with a disco-tinged electro-pop anthem about lycanthropy and office furniture! It really shouldn't work (and sometimes I think it doesn't quite gel) but I love the track's eccentricity and fearlessness. Shakira isn't afraid to try new things and experiment with her sound. And her bravery is rewarded on this. John Hill's production carries the sometimes clumsy phrasing along perfectly and Shakira's lyrics and camp howls are an endless source of joy. Don't even get me started on the video, which is disturbs and amuses me in equal measure!
Did It Again - A+
Did it again Damn, I got it all wrong But it felt so right I can't believe it
This song hits a little too close to home for me at the moment, which probably explains why I've played it about thirty times in the past 48 hours. Of all the Neptunes produced tracks, this is the clear stand out. "Did It Again" perfectly balances the electronic elements with small urban flourishes. The layering of beats and samples is dazzling and there are a million and one little hooks to draw you in. Best of all, this is still very much a Shakira song. Her confessional lyrics are perfectly showcased and her unique brand of melancholy is unmistakable. "Did It Again" reminds me of a slightly more upbeat version of Nelly Furtado's "Say It Right", which is a huge compliment.
Long Time - B-
Hold me, show me all the talent God has given you
I think I'm being overly generous giving this a B- (C+ would be more accurate) but it's inoffensive filler that happily bounces along like everything else The Neptunes have ever produced and I have a soft (hard?) spot for songs about frenzied fucking. I don't want to sound like a broken record but my problem with this is that it could have been recorded by anyone. There's not a reference to unshaved legs or a bad metaphor to be heard. Shakira is completely MIA.
Why Wait - B
Why wait for later? I'm not a waiter
Everything that I said about "Long Time" basically applies to "Why Wait". The only reason I've given it a slightly higher rating is for the subtle Eastern elements that litter the track and for the chunkier beats. It's nice. It's just not Shakira.
Good Stuff - B+
I'm not gonna miss out on the good stuff The grass is much greener with us on it
The last Neptunes production (phew!) is mercifully one of their best. "Good Stuff" is another club banger (in the American sense of the term) but what separates this from "Long Time" and "Why Wait" is the genuinely catchy chorus. I also love the quirky splashes of accordion and, if I'm not mistaken, I can even hear some tinkering on a xylophone! There's something wonderfully Latin about this track that should endear it to old school fans. Breezy and beautiful.
Men In This Town - A+
Where are all the men in this town? What's a girl supposed to do?
Shakira, you're preaching to the choir. I've been asking myself the same question for years! Amazing and highly accurate lyrics aside, the great thing about "Men In This Town" is the fact that it represents the only truly electro track on the album. I can only imagine how brilliant "She Wolf" would have turned out if Shakira had pursued this sound further. It suits her perfectly and brilliantly showcases her quirky sensibility. John Hill's production is a revelation and I've decided that Kylie needs to hire him to helm "XI". By the way, am I hallucinating or does she really say "I never dreamed that I'd come here to be the next (Angelina) Jolie"?
Gypsy - A+
I'm a gypsy, are you coming with me? I might steal your clothes and wear them if they fit me
Now this is an unexpected delight. Hiding among all the urban pop tunes and dance anthems is this sweet little guitar pop gem that wouldn't sound out of place on "Laundry Service" or "Oral Fixation Vol. 2". Co-written and co-produced by Amanda Ghost (who wrote "Disappear", "Ave Maria" and "Satellites" for Beyoncé's amazing "Sasha Fierce" album), "Gypsy" captures the essence of Shakira better than any other track on the album - perhaps with the exception of "Mon Amour". It's floaty, pretty, slightly weird and always engaging. I doubt this will ever be released as a single but it's already rocking the Shakira playlist on my Ipod.
Spy (Featuring Wyclef Jean) - B+
Blinds are see through Let your mind go and imagine that I kiss you
Unfortunately, this is no "Hips Don't Lie". Instead of the upbeat party anthem I was expecting, "Spy" is a slinky urban groove about Shakira flirting with a stalker/peeping tom! It took a couple of listens but now I think it's great. The melody is gorgeous and I love the demented chorus. There's also a touch of old school R'n'B about this track, which makes it stand out from the rest of the album. Ba ba ba ba!
Mon Amour - A+
And I every night I pray that you don't knock her up Cause I still want to be the mother of your child
What can you say about a song that opens with that couplet? Well, other than declare it a work of lyrical genius! "Mon Amour" reminds me a little of the hugely underrated "Hey You" from "Oral Fixation Vol. 2". It's bursting with crunchy guitars, drenched in ska and contains some of the best/worst lyrics ever recorded. The song even ends with Shakira welcoming passengers on a flight to hell! I love everything about "Mon Amour" and it makes me miss the slightly more varied sound palette of her old material. Again, it would be commercial suicide to release this as a single but I think it's essential Shakira.
Give It Up To Me (Featuring Lil Wayne and Timbaland) - F
You can go up my crane, girl And imma go down that drain, girl
I should start by pointing out that this is mercifully not on the Australian or European versions of the album. It's a last minute addition to the delayed American release and according to reports will be the second single in America. This is a pathetic attempt to score a US hit and I can barely listen to the track without gagging on the stench of desperation. "Give It Up To Me" is little more than a rehash of Timbaland's "Give It To Me" with Shakira filling in for Nelly Furtado. The song is catchy as hell but Shakira is not a disposable urban nobody like Ciara or Keri Hilson. This is just demeaning.
Lo Hecho Está Hecho - A+
The Spanish version of "Did It Again".
Años Luz - B
The Spanish version of "Why Wait".
Loba - A+
"She Wolf" sounds even better in Spanish. Fact.
So where does that leave us? "She Wolf" is a fantastic album but it's not the triumph I was hoping for. It's definitely marked improvement on "Oral Fixation Vol. 2", I just wish Shakira had worked with John Hill on more tracks and left The Neptunes to aging has-beens like Madonna. My other concern is the lack of standout singles. There are at least half a dozen great songs but nothing I can imagine burning up the charts - perhaps with the exception of "Did It Again" and "Men In This Town" (at least in Australia and the UK). That has to be a worry for an album that was clearly constructed with the aim of being played on American radio. I still think "She Wolf" puts recent albums by Mariah, Britney and P!nk to shame - cementing Shakira's place near the top of the pop ladder. I just hope she's more true to herself next time around.
I posted my 20th Pop Panel last Sunday and promised to celebrate in style this week. The whole point of the Panel was to create something fun and collaborative with other like-minded bloggers, so I couldn't think of a better way of commemorating the past 20 weeks than by inviting back all the guest judges to help decide 2009's ultimate pop song. Basically, I asked everyone to choose the five best tracks from our 20 winners. Their favourite was assigned 5 points, their second choice 4 points, their third pick 3 points and so forth. As it turns out the votes were pretty evenly spread out but there was a runaway winner. I'm keeping my trap shut but I'm not particularly surprised by the outcome. The blogoshpere is nothing if not predictable! Anyway, before we get on with the countdown I'd like to thank all the celebrity judges that took part over the past 5 months (James Leon, Jonah, CC Martini, Courtney Act, Gala, Peter Wilson, Nat from RAEN, Alan Connor, Robyn Loau and Marc Massive) as well as all the bloggers that have kindly volunteered their time. The following have returned to determine the best song ever to rock the Pop Panel:
I'm not surprised Preston came last. It's definitely one of our least appealing winners and flopped worse than Dannii. That week was far more memorable for the cat fight in the comments. No offence to the people he routinely offends but I kind of miss The Prophet. Just don't tell him or his Kanye West sized ego will explode!
I love Passion Pit but this is definitely one of our most random winners. I'm always slightly disturbed when something cool wins Pop Panel and it doesn't get more hip than these guys. Nikki Webster was robbed!
I still can't believe Chae won! She remains our only non-English language victor and one of my favourite winners. "Shake" has a killer chorus and an extremely classy toilet-tastic video clip that was banned in Korea.
I loved Week 5. My homegirl CC Martini was an extremely classy guest judge and Shena came out of nowhere to take first place. Like many winners, the song didn't set the charts on fire but it's something of a pop trash classic - so I'm happy.
This was my short lived "Australian Week" which went down like a lead balloon! I was scraping the bottom of the barrel with some of the selections but I wholeheartedly approve of the winner.
This is my third favourite Pop Panel winner. I love everything about it - from the beautiful lyrics to the lush urban meets electro production. Unfortunately, I seem to be the only one given the fact that Bluey seems to have disappeared without a trace.
This gives me the giggles. I love Kim and her fabulous do-it-yourself video clip. One of the few occasions when a true pop trash anthem won. As a life long Girlfriend fan, having Robyn Loau as a guest judge that week was a real honour.
Despite slipping in at least a couple of homegrown acts each week, this was the only time (with the exception of Australian Week) when local talent actually won. I love the song, I love the clip, I love their animated bulges. This has been hanging around the iTunes top 100 for months. I hope their next single gives them the commercial breakthrough they deserve.
Beyonce appeared on the Pop Panel 3 times and the best she could do was second place. Her floptastic ex-band mate LeToya, however, claimed the title with this catchy tune. I love it but shame about the rest of her shit album.
Pop Panel 14 sticks in my mind as the week reclusive 90s gay icon Gala came out of retirement to be a guest judge. Her rambling comments still make me smile and I'm glad her favourite song won. I am, however, slightly surprised by its relatively high position on this countdown.
Marc Massive really won a lot of new fans with his appearance on the Pop Panel. I loved his Whitney Houston appreciation (respect!) and piss club stories. Dragonette scooped the pool that week and I think they deserved it. This has grown on me no end and their album is amazing.
Only on the Pop Panel would Heidi Montag place higher than Dragonette, The Gossip, Empire Of The Sun and Passion Pit! And rightly so. This is my second favourite Pop Panel victor and I think it should at least be top 5 on this countdown. As usual Heidi's musical genius is denied by her deluded army of haters. It's time to open your heart to the new Queen of pop!
"I Am Not A Robot" got my five points as the best Pop Panel winner. I love Marina. Her lyrics cut straight through me, her blog is an endless source of amusement and she's one of the nicest people I've had the pleasure of interviewing. Week 7 was also special due to the presence of Australian Idol's classiest competitor - the divine Miss Courtney Act!
I'm still obsessed with this stunning anthem. I blame the sordid vagina cave video! It's nice to see that the song has found an loyal audience despite flopping in Australia and underperforming in the US.
I quite like this but I'm shocked at its lofty position on this countdown given that it had the lowest score of all the winners. Maybe people are feeling a bit sentimental in the wake of Keisha-gate?
I swear people just voted for this to annoy me. The most insipid piece of trash ever to grace the Pop Panel somehow glides into third place. I guess there really is a market for tuneless jams performed by ugly Scandinavians with less vocal ability than Cheryl Cole.
I'm ecstatic that Whitney did so well! Given the less than flattering comments about the song last week I was expecting this to struggle but love for the patron saint of crackpipes still burns brightly among the Pop Panel judges! I wish this had won but you can't have everything.
I originally gave "Release Me" 0/5 when it appeared on the Pop Panel but I've come clean about how much the song has grown on me. But the best song in Panel history? Computer says Whitney was robbed. On the bright side, at least it wasn't Annie. Pop Panel 3 is also notable for being the only time we moved over to Don't Stop The Pop and for Jonah's classy comments.
41 Points
Here's the new American video for "Release Me". Seriously, have they painted her black to cash in on the urban market? Someone call Oprah! THE VOTING:
Aaron (1. Agnes 2. Whitney 3. The Sugababes 4. The Saturdays 5. Shakira) Blake (1. Gossip 2. Agnes 3. Shakira 4. Whitney 5. Dragonette) Bomitoni (1. Whitney 2. LeToya 3. The Gossip 4. Bag Raiders 5. Heidi Montag) David (1. Annie 2. Dragonette 3. Sugababes 4. Sound Of Arrows 5. Agnes) D'Luv (1. Sound Of Arrows 2. Bag Raiders 3. Shakira 4. Annie 5. Dragonette) Enric (1. Annie 2. Sugababes 3. Shakira 4. Passion Pit 5. Sound Of Arrows) Gordon (1. Dragonette 2. Agnes 3. Whitney 4. Shakira 5. LeToya) Guy (1. Shakira 2. The Gossip 3. Heidi Montag 4. Whitney 5. Sugababes) Jay (1. Le Toya 2. Sugababes 3. Shena) Jennifer (1. Marina 2. Whitney 3. Dragonette 4. The Saturdays 5. The Gossip) John (1. Agnes 2. LeToya 3. The Gossip 4. Whitney 5. Bag Raiders) Ken (1. The Saturdays 2. Marina 3. Agnes 4. Empire Of The Sun 5. Passion Pit) Mike (1. Marina 2. Heidi Montag 3. Bluey Robinson 4. Chae Yeon 5. Whitney) Moogaboo (1. Annie 2. Bag Raiders 3. Kim Sozzi 4. Shakira 5. The Gossip) Nasty G (1. Sugababes 2. The Saturdays 3. Shakira 4. Preston 5. Kim Sozzi) Nikki (1. The Saturdays 2. Agnes 3. Sugababes 4. Chae Yeon 5. Sound Of Arrows) Pablo (1. Agnes 2. Annie 3. The Saturdays 4. Sugababes 5. Dragonette) Paul (1. Marina 2. Shakira 3. Sound Of Arrows 4. Whitney 5. Annie) Poster Girl (1. Agnes 2. Sound Of Arrows 3. Heidi Montag 4. Annie 5. Shakira) Robpop (1. Agnes 2. Empire Of The Sun 3. The Saturdays 4. Shena 5. Sound Of Arrows) The Prophet (1. Whitney 2. Bluey Robinson 3. Heidi Montag 4. Bag Raiders 5. Annie) Tommie (1. Heidi Montag 2. Kim Sozzi 3. Marina 4. Whitney 5. Shakira) Tony (1. Annie 2. Sugababes 3. Sound Of Arrows 4. Dragonette 5. The Saturdays)
This was a very unusual Pop Panel for the simple fact that I actually like all 8 songs and would have been happy for any of them to win, which is definitely a first. There is some real variety this week ranging from an 83 year old diva to a couple of pop superstars on the comeback trail as well as the return of a legendary 80s girlband. Is it just me or is the pop world suddenly churning out more treats than usual? Helping me choose our "Single Of The Week" are:
D'Luv couldn't make it again but he promises to be back next week. Taking his place is the glamorous Jennifer (US) writer of the incredibly brilliant Adventures Of An Audio Diva and my fellow trash connoisseur Bomitoni (US), writer of the amazing Milk Carton Pop Stars. Here are the results in order from least to most popular:
Bomitoni: Mariah Scarey indeed. I think Mimi's producers are obsessed with American Top 40 radio because this sounds like all the shit on the radio. Bitch you're not 21 anymore. Hell you're not 31 anymore. Stop trying to sound hip. Face it honey, you're never gonna match the fabulousness that was "Prisoner"! 0/5 Jennifer: This is what happens when Nick Cannon forgets to refill her crazy pills. What a STEAMING pile of rancid excrement. I'm at my Lamb chops end with Mariah as she nosedives into possibly the shittiest single of her career. 0/5 Mike: Leave Mimi alone! Somewhere a pink unicorn just lost its horn from all this hateration. "Obsessed" isn't Mariah's finest moment but it's a grower and the lyrics are unintentionally hilarious. Bring on the second single! 4/5 Pablo: I don't like Mariah. This song sounds like a Victoria Beckham demo. Really. 0/5 Paul: Had you asked me to review this a few weeks ago, I probably would have scored it a lot lower. I hated it at first. Which is tragic cos Mariah was one of my fave 5 90s female singers. However, it's grown on me quite a lot and I find myself humming it here and there. Plus her mentalloid fans are always amusing. So I guess it's quite catchy and she can be semi-witty so I give her a 3/5. Rob: I like it that Mariah is stepping outside the box. Its a pretty boring song though. 3/5 The Prophet: I was really against this song in the beginning, thinking that it was a desperate attempt at relevancy on Mariah's part, but after seeing the video I'm now in love. I feel like this is the first time that Mariah has had me laughing WITH her and not AT her. "He's all up in my George Forman" deserves line of the century! 4/5 Total: 14/35
Honor Blackman – The Star Who Fell From Grace (Video)
83 year old diva releases her first new single since the 1960s.
Bomitoni: Look Madonna without the botox! The trash lover in me wants to love this but I just can't. Can someone do a faggy remix please? Her dress is fabulous though! 2/5 Jennifer: Should I be kind to my elders? Fuck no. Cut the depressing shit, lady, and sing songs about playing bingo and spiking the prune juice bowl at Shady Pines Retirement Center. Now that's what I call a comeback. 2/5 Mike: If an 83 year old diva can't get some love on Pop Trash Addicts then I might as well shut it down! Honor is ten kinds of fabulous and I love her classy ballad. I know it's a musical dinosaur from a different era but that's part of its immense appeal. 4/5 Pablo: Mike, seriously... what's this? Even Madonna looks younger than this woman. 0/5 Paul: There's a joke in her name somewhere. She's probably not going to set the charts alight with this, and that's a bit of a tragedy really. While her best song ever remains the evergreen "Kinky Boots", this - well, it's a bit amazing. Love the orchestra too - makes it all pompous and grand. 3.5/5 Rob: Finally, a touch of extreme class. Utterly speechless. Personally, I feel this is the best song ever land on the table of the pop panel. "The Star Who Fell From Grace" is amazing. Honor release the album now. Please. 5/5 The Prophet: I love the lyrics and she looks great for age, but I'm not a fan of the vocal delivery or the tone of her voice. 3/5 Total: 19.5/35
A massive hit in their native Germany last year, the group are now trying their luck in the UK.
Bomitoni: I liked it for the first minute or so but then that fucking chanting got on my nerves! Can we have a chantless version? 2.5/5 Jennifer: *sticks big American honker in the air* I feel that I'm too American to truly appreciate this...not bad, just, eh… 3/5 Mike: "Allein Allein" featured in my best songs of 2008 countdown and I'm still obsessed with it 7 months later. Everything about this track is epic, from the chorus to the spectacular video. The Killers wish they had something this good on "Day & Age". 5/5 Pablo: I'm so sick of these bands that sound and look like Coldplay/the Killers/Keane. Seriously. And they are not even cute! 1/5 Paul: Oh! I was fully expecting not to like this. And I do. It's quite good indeed. The chorus is as catchy as all out doors and could quite easily be a football anthem (even drunken yobs can remember "allein allein" most of the time). Tip - there is a brillo mash up of this floating around where it has been seamlessly weaved into The Killers "Human". Tip top notch. 4/5 Rob: Its good to see Polarkreis 18 finally make their way in other countries. To be sure, they sound like a mish-mash of Rosenstolz and The Killers but that isn't actually a bad thing. 3.5/5 The Prophet: I know this is wrong to say but something about German voices makes me physically ill. I was getting ready to give this a 4.5 and then when I heard their thick accents on the chorus I almost heaved. I don't fucks wit Germany! 3/5 Total: 22/35
MSTRKRFT Ft John Legend – Heartbreaker (below)
John Legend gets a dance makeover in this club smash.
Bomitoni: It's a bit hectic but nothing über exciting. I just wish they could have gotten a real East LA chola to play the cashier in the video. Or better yet John Legend's schlong should have played the cashier. I would have paid to see that shit! 3/5 Jennifer: Been saying for years that soul artists need to ditch the rap shit and go into electro-pop mode… this is a fine example of seeing those two worlds colliding. Very good. 4.5/5 Mike: The standout track on "Fist Of God" is finally released as a single. I love the combination of John's soulful voice and MSTRKRFT's expertly arranged dance beats. The WAWA remix is completely fucking amazing. 4/5 Pablo: I don't get it. Too noisy, no rhythm and nonsense. And a video with a guy wearing Wayfarer sunglasses deserves the worst. 1/5 Paul: Like the Jocelyn single, John's silky smooth vocals lift this above your generic club fare. It's all very decent and quite good at the beginning, but by the end it's slightly boring and monotonous. It would be quite exciting though if John suddenly ditched his suits and turned up to perform in a skin tight tank top and skinny jeans though wouldn't it? (Er, no). 3/5 Rob: Very catchy. A nice try but I sense there's something missing in it? A bit of soul? A bit of emotional perhaps? 3/5 The Prophet: Legend has such a masculine and soulful voice and he sings and emotes perfectly over the dance beat. I love that it's two different genres coming together to create something new. Definitely one of my faves of the year. 5/5 Total: 23.5/35
Bomitoni: I heart the 'Nanas and I heart this song! I can just picture Sara and Keren in the video now as cougars in 'da club looking for young studs! 4/5 Jennifer: These bananas haven’t shriveled up and rotted yet? Shit, they must be sealing themselves in those green plastic fruit bags to keep fresh. Whatever, this is actually not bad, very catchy…but I'll stick to their '88 masterpiece "WOW!" 3.5/5 Mike: I feel like a bad gay for saying this but I found "Drama" slightly underwhelming, so I'm especially relieved that the world's greatest girlband has finally found material worthy of them. "Love Comes" is the best thing Sara and Keren have put their name to since 1995's amazing "Every Shade Of Blue". Stunning. 4.5/5 Pablo: OK, so... they're back again. With a sound that's S Club 09 but with women who are older than me. Something doesn't quite fit here. But the song is quite nice for a summer. Cruel summer. 4/5 Paul: Hurrah hurrah hurrah. Bananarama have returned. Love Comes! And so did I when I heard this slinky little dance number. Ian Masterson has done a great job with the girls on this track, and I'm loving the evolution of dance sound from their brilliant "Drama" album. I've everything crossed that come September this will be very huge indeed. 4/5 Rob: "Love Comes" is sticky, sweet and full of pop protein. This is a wonderful slice of irresistible pop music which is made for the summer. The only thing missing in "Love Comes" is a key change towards the end but it's a tight production which will leave you wanting the twelve inch. Ahem. 4/5 The Prophet: Lame, but I've heard worse before. 2.5/5 Total: 26.5/35
The Swedish diva is single-handedly bringing back Italo disco.
Bomitoni: Anyone who wants to revive Italo disco is A-ok in my book. However I was expecting something punchier and her voice was a bit too whispy for my tastes. Can someone mash it up with some Divine perhaps? 2.5/5 Jennifer: Wow. This song just wraps you up in all of its hypnotic spledor. Beautiful. 5/5 Mike: Sally is everything that Annie wants to be but doesn't have the talent to pull off. While not quite as brilliant as "Miracle", this dreamy little track still runs rings about the other electro divas with its pretty layers of beats and touches of Italo disco. 4/5 Pablo: Sorry, no offence but this is a "wannabe-Annie". Actually, Annie used the Italodisco sound in "Anthonio", so this is nothing new. The video is absolutly delicious! 2/5 Paul: Love her. She's quite Annie I suppose and I may not be the only one to say that, but this tune is rather lush and floats along plinkity plonk. Yes those are valid music review expressions! It's the return of italio-disco-house and I'm lapping it up. 4/5 Rob: Sally Shapiro can be too good sometimes. However, "Love In July" works just right. Not as good as Cloetta Paris though. 4/5 The Prophet: This is the most amazing and defining thing that I've ever seen or heard in my life! 5/5 Total: 26.5/35
Legendary dance diva Joceyln returns with another club smash.
Bomitoni: This song is so gay I can't stand it! It's almost gayer than the neon leotards worn in the video. The chorus reeks of the late 80s and that is why I adore it. Plus do I hear early 90s piano creeping its way back? Someone hand me a fruity cocktail and lead me to the stickiest dance floor! 5/5 Jennifer: Infectious. Electric. Jocelyn Brown. The main ingredients of a great club track. 4.5/5 Mike: Fabulous dance trash alert! Jocelyn is a goddess and this is wonderfully camp dancefloor fodder. Love the chorus and the nod to early 90s house. 4/5 Pablo: I love Jocelyn Brown since the 90s. Actually I haven't heard from her since then. Anyway, the song is quite summerish and very danceable. But these so-straight videos really bore me. 4/5 Paul: Oh lordy, I thought. Another dime a dozen club thumper that producers seem to shit out every other week or so. However, I love Jocelyn's voice and energy in most songs and it soars in this lifting it above your average boom boom thump thump. 3/5 Rob: This week is incredibly strong and "Love Alibi" is very good. The video lets its all down so I'll forget the tragic affair and focus solely on the song. Naturally it will be big in the charts however it could have done with some more synths. If your going to re-hash a classic with Joceyln on the vocals you've got to make it special. Epic. By the second chorus it seems to be going through the motions. Nice try though. 2.5/5 The Prophet: Is this video a Z-grade version of Eric Prydz "Call On Me" or Heidi Montags "Overdosin"? Whatever it is I love it! The song is great and the girls are beautiful. The only thing I could've done without were the occasional camel toe flashes. 4/5 Total: 27/35
SINGLE OF THE WEEK
Shakira – She Wolf
The Colombian superstar explores office equipment and disco in her latest hit!
Bomitoni: Reminds of "Ready For The Goodtimes" or "Timor" but I don't mind. I love me some Shakes. Just wish she'd go back to dark hair. I'm glad she didn't resort to a rent-a-rapper this time. It's got a catchy beat. I have high hopes for her new album. 4.5/5 Jennifer: Somewhere Donna Summer is ripping her hair out in clumps, as this song would've fit her better than that Melted Crayons album. Love that Shakira is trying some electro-disco, though. 4/5 Mike: As a crazy Shakira fan I'm pretty biased but I think "She Wolf" is an outstanding pop song. It's incredibly original, incorporates disco elements and has quirky lyrics about being abused "like a coffee machine in an office". What more could you want? 5/5 Pablo: Shakira... Shakira is this tiny woman who sings in Spanish and you think she is singing in English. Most of her lyrics are just noise. In Spain, we only like one thing from Colombia and it's not their singers. I must say I like "She Wolf" but I totally hate "Loba". And the "auuuuuuuuuuuu" sound is the stupidest thing I've heard since the "no lo sé" in Aleks Syntek's version of "In My Arms". 4/5 Paul: Mike totally got me back into Shakira by fully explaining how to merge her various oral fixations back into one super album. Personally I like my Shakira "Illegal" or "Underneath Your Clothes", but I'm happy to embrace the hip shimmying, disco humping diva back into my life. This should, nay, needs to be absolutely massive. 4/5 Rob: Hmmm. As with all Shakira songs it has taken some time for me to like this. Yeah, its not bad & the chorus is cute. Sounds like Fleetwood Mac meets Nelly's "Maneater". 3/5 The Prophet: Although I'm not finding this as brilliant as I did when it first leaked, I still love it and I have to applaud Shakira for trying something so different with her sound. Not only is it new for her, but there's also nothing like this in commercial music right now. Fierce! 4.5/5 Total: 29/35
A 20 second preview of the soon to be released "She Wolf" video
I've been excited about Shakira's new album for months and if the lead single is any indication, it's going to be well and truly worth the wait. "La Loba" (the Spanish version of her comeback song "She Wolf") leaked yesterday and I've been listening to it non-stop ever since. In one fell swoop, the Colombian diva has kicked all the pretenders to the curb with her quirky pop genius. While Madonna desperately jumps on the latest bandwagon and Kylie happily treads water by working with the likes of Xenomania, Shakira continues to take huge risks. "La Loba" is a genuinely odd track that juxtaposes lush disco beats with sleek electronic bleeps. It should be a complete disaster but in a dazzling slight of hand, Shakira makes it work.
A lot of people are describing the song as a massive departure but to a certain extent "La Loba" picks up where "Timor" left off. However, unlike Shakira's curiously upbeat anti-war anthem, "La Loba" doesn't hint at disco. It is disco. The song is so authentic I can almost see the mirror balls and smell the poppers! Part of me wishes she left out the electronic elements altogether but they do add another layer to the track. I'm not sure who produced "La Loba" but they deserve a lot of credit. The swirling strings are sublime and that killer bassline is an almost animalistic call to the dancefloor. This is so good, I almost don't want to hear the English version. Check out Shakira's stunning comeback below:
I know I haven't written a lot about Shakira in the past but the dark rooted Colombian beauty is right up there with Beyoncé and Mariah as my favourite pan American superstar. Needless to say, recently leaked details of her upcoming 8th studio album have me in a complete spin. The line up of producers alone is staggering. The diva has apparently recorded tracks with Red One (Lady GaGa), Toby Gad (Fergie & Beyoncé) and Pharrell Williams (Gwen Stefani) as well as Wyclef Jean and reggaeton legends Calle 13. The album has a September release date, so it shouldn't be too long before we hear something new. In the meantime, I thought I'd write a post about her last project - the sorely undervalued "Oral Fixation".
Like most people outside of South America, "Laundry Service" was my introduction to Shakira. That album sold more than 20 million copies around the world. In Australia, it went five times platinum and produced three top 5 singles. The cultural impact was phenomenal. Latin music went mainstream and the Shakira look was everywhere - even my mum let her roots grow out and bought a peasant blouse! Cut to 2005. "Oral Fixation" is released with little fanfare and misses the top 50 altogether in this country. The 2006 re-release did considerably better on the back of "Hips Don't Lie" but it was still a remarkable fall from grace. That sales pattern held true for most of the (English speaking) world. So, what went wrong?
In short - just about everything. I love both volumes in their own way but there simply wasn't enough excellent material for two separate albums. As a result both turned out patchy. Add to that a dodgy title, some bad single choices and general confusion about what to promote in each different territory and you have a giant mess on your hands. The great shame is that Shakira had a blistering follow-up to "Laundry Service" in the can. The "Oral Fixation" sessions created some truly amazing music including two of my favourite songs of all time. Taking the best songs from both volumes results in one hell of a good album. I'm sure opinions differ wildly but I've listed my suggested tracklist for "Oral Fixation" below:
1. Hips Don't Lie
The song that saved the whole "Oral Fixation" campaign is a glorious slice of throwaway urban pop. I have a feeling Shakira will re-visit this sound on her new album given the list of collaborators.
2. La Pared
Dark, introspective and very beautiful.
3. Don't Bother
The lead single from Volume 2 is an underrated pop gem. Some of the lyrics are a bit dubious but there's real emotion in this. I particularly love the general 'woe is me' sentiment. The remixes were also unusually good.
4. La Tortura
This irresistibly catchy duet with Alejandro Sanz went to #1 in 25 countries. For good reason.
5. Hey You
Possibly the quirkiest song on either album. This jam boasts jangly guitars, a sing-a-long chorus, splashes of brass and the infamous lyric “I’d like to be the owner of the zipper on your jeans and that thing that makes you happy”. Classy.
6. Día Especial
I mentioned earlier that Oral Fixation produced two of my all time favourite songs. Well, "Día Especial" is the first of them. This languid, melancholy ballad is an exquisite exercise in restraint. The English version, “The Day And The Time”, is lovely too but the Spanish version is perfection. A classic.
7. How Do You Do
A highly original exploration of religion - complete with chanting and a surprisingly catchy rock-lite chorus.
8. Día de Enero
This sweet love song was a single in most of South America. It's as cute as a button and never fails to brighten my mood. Check out the cheap and cheerful video.
9. Timor
Possibly the world's only disco anti-war anthem. I almost choked the first time I heard this. It's so jarring to hear lyrics of this nature set to a thumping dance beat, which I guess is Shakira's way of highlighting the absurdity of war. "Timor" has to be heard to be believed!
10. Las de la Intuición
This is my other all time favourite song from "Oral Fixation". People think of Shakira as being a bit serious but "Las de la Intuición" is pure, unadulterated POP with a hands in the air chorus and killer beats. Make sure you check out the trashtastic video clip. Hearing this in a Madrid nightclub last year was something akin to a spiritual experience for me. Shakira later recorded "Las de la Intuición" in English under the title "Pure Intention" but avoid that rubbish at all costs.
These ten "Oral Fixation" gems are all truly brilliant but I hope we don't have to mix and match Shakira's next album!
Mi destino es andar, 
