The Diva Round Up - October 08

You know that Christmas is just around the corner when record companies start flooding the market with crappy greatest hits compilations and rushed priority releases. There are more big name divas than usual in the mix this year, with at least 8 vying for a place under your tree. Here are my two cents on some of the most hotly anticipated.

Keeps Gettin' Better (A Decade Of Hits) - Christina Aguilera

I had to start with this trash because I'm completely mesmerised by the artwork. Seriously, what was the inspiration for the photoshoot - ladyboys in space? I know drag queens who would draw the line at that much mascara! Fabulous cover art aside, this looks like a pretty decent compilation. It's Christina's first greatest hits package and all her best tracks are included from "Genie In A Bottle" to "Ain't No Other Man". She's even been kind enough to tack on a couple of new songs including her ironically titled recent single "Keeps Gettin' Better". The album is released on the 10th of November in the UK and on the 17th in Australia.

Verdict - Perfect for casual fans. Personally, I'm buying this shit for the cover!


Funhouse - Pink

Pink's 5th studio album has to be one of the hottest properties of 2008. With her last album going 9 times platinum in Australia during its mammoth 108 week chart run, the expectations for "Funhouse" are sky high. I couldn't resist having a sneaky listen when the album leaked last week and it's very much Pink by the numbers, staying true to her tried and tested formula of foul mouthed pop and soft rock. Fans of "I'm Not Dead" will love "Funhouse" but it doesn't serve up anything new. The only surprise is the number of pared back ballads and the lack of anything as instantly catchy as "So What". The album is released in Australia and the UK on the 27th of October.

Verdict - A respectable follow up to "I'm Not Dead". Buy it for your favourite lesbian.


I Am - Beyoncé

I have a strange love/hate relationship with Beyoncé. I love most of her singles and remixes but I generally hate her albums. "Dangerously In Love" and "B'Day" had their moments but both were bogged down by far too much mid-tempo filler. I hope she gets it right this time because I'm seriously impressed with dual lead singles from her upcoming 3rd album "I Am". The pop option, "If I Were A Boy", has been stuck in my head from the very first listen. It's raw, emotionally charged and beautifully performed. While the fabulously titled R'n'B alternative, "Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It)", is the kind of sassy urban jam that Beyoncé has built her career upon. The album will apparently be split along the musical styles of the first singles. Fingers crossed that Beyoncé finally gets it right this time. "I Am" is released worldwide on the 17th of November.

Verdict - Extremely promising but I'm prepared for disappointment.


Circus - Britney Spears

I never thought I'd say it but I miss breakdown Britney. Admittedly, she was certifiable but at least the trainwreck had an edge that is sorely missing from her incredibly bland and repetitive new single "Womanizer". It's basically a rehashed version of "Radar" with even less charm and originality. Hopefully, "Circus", her 6th studio album, contains better material. She has the who's who of the music world working on it, so there's really no excuse for more of this lazy bullshit. "Circus" is unveiled in Australia and the UK on the 1st of December.

Verdict - Unless the future singles are a significant improvement, I'll pass. Buy it for mentally unstable loved ones.


Heavy Rotation - Tranastacia

The title of Tranastacia's latest album is turning out to be slightly ironic given the complete and utter lack of interest in the rubbish first single, "I Can Feel You". Nevertheless, her last release sold 10 million copies worldwide, so I assume someone must be interested in this crap. I've never been a huge fan and I highly doubt "Heavy Rotation" will win me over despite all the A-list producers on board. I'll try to keep an open mind until the album's offical release on the 27th of October.

Verdict - Gift it to someone you really don't like.


The Ballads - Mariah Carey

And the award for the cheapest Christmas cash-in goes to Mariah Carey. Seriously, whose bright idea was this collection of vomit inducing tracks? Mimi already has two greatest hits compilations to her name (three if you count "The Remixes") and more to the point, she has a fabulous album of new material that she should be promoting instead. To be fair, "The Ballads" is being excreted by Sony (her old label) but only because Mariah's record company has already given up on "E=MC²" without tapping the album's two strongest potential singles, "Migrate" and "I'm That Chick". No wonder most labels are going out of business. At the very least they could have tacked on a couple of new tracks to make the package slightly more appealing. This tat is already in stores in the UK, Australians will have to wait until the 3rd of November.

Verdict - Only for the most delusional Lambs and Mariah completists.


My Love: Essential Collection - Celine Dion

Unlike Mariah's nasty compilation, some thought and effort has gone into Celine Dion's 2nd greatest hits package. The album includes two new songs and a handful of live tracks in addition to most of Celine's biggest hits. The ballad heavy tracklist is a bit of a turn off but I quite like the new Linda Perry penned single, "My Love". It's another slow number but the song is understated by Celine's standards (admittedly, that isn't saying much) and not quite as saccharine as her usual output. "My Love: Essential Collection" is released on the 27th of October in Australia and the UK.

Verdict - This is a fairly comprehensive package for casual fans. Buy it for your favourite middle aged homosexual.

Tina!: Her Greatest Hits - Tina Turner

I worship Tina Turner but this recently released compilation is a bit of piss take in the wake of 2004's "All The Best" and 2005's "All The Best: The Hits". I guess we should be grateful for the live tracks and the two new songs, "It Would Be A Crime" and "I'm Ready". The latter of which is actually pretty good in a middle of the road kind of way. The compilation is nicely packaged and perfectly timed for her world tour but is it too much to ask for something new from Tina? It's been 9 years since her last studio album and there's only so many times I can listen to "Private Dancer"! This is already available in both Australia and the UK.

Verdict - Download the new tracks from iTunes.

Minogue Mania & Other Tid Bits

Minogue mania begins in earnest today with the release of four (!!) new Dannii albums in addition to the digital release of Kylie's "2 Hearts". While I wait patiently for my copies of "Girl (2CD Re-Release)", "Neon Nights (2CD Re-Release)" and "Unleashed" to arrive in the post, I've been overdosing on Dannii's new digital release "Club Disco" - a collection of B-sides, remixes and unreleased material from the AATW sessions. Check out my review over at Dannii's Dirty Box. I'm truly in awe of Dannii's greatness - even her unreleased rubbish is a cut above anything else I've heard so far this year! Poor Kylie must be so jealous of Dannii's stunning good looks and amazing vocal ability. She can take some comfort in the fact that "2 Hearts" has already landed at #15 on the Australian iTunes chart less than a day after being released, pretty much guaranteeing a top 20 debut next Sunday on the strength of downloads alone.

Robyn News

Robyn is returning to Australia! The Swedish pop queen's last visit rocked my world and I'll do my best to witness her return - despite the fact that tickets to her Sydney show (supporting local dance band, Sneaky Sound System) have already sold out. Robyn's visit will no doubt bolster the chart chances of "With Every Heartbeat", which this week reaches a new peak of #4 on the Australian club charts. Read more about Robyn's visit and her kooky tour rider here. Speaking of Sneaky Sound System, their self-titled album shoots into the top 5 this week on the back of their recent ARIA victories. The album appeared on my best of 2006 countdown almost a year ago (sorry, I just wanted to brag!) and I couldn't be happier that it's finally receiving the recognition it deserves.

Tina Arena's "Songs Of Love And Loss" Tracklisting

I couldn't possibly be any more excited about Tina Arena's upcoming covers album - that is, until I saw the amazing tracklist:

I Just Don't Know What To Do With Myself
The Look Of Love
So Far Away
I Only Want To Be With You
To Sir, With Love
Theme From Mahogany (Do You Know Where You're Going To)
Love Hangover
The Windmills Of Your Mind
The Man With The Child In His Eyes
Everybody Hurts
Until
Woman

The idea of Tina belting out the "Theme From Mahogany" and "Love Hangover" blows my mind. Let's just ignore the unnecessary inclusion of REM's "Everybody Hurts". The album comes out on the 3rd of December and can be pre-ordered from Chaos.

Young Divas' "New Attitude" Tracklisting

Tina Arena isn't the only Australian diva with a fierce album of cover versions on the horizon. There are at least four more in the form of the fabulous Young Divas. The tracklist of their new album, "New Attitude", makes me want to touch myself:

Got To Be Real
If I Can't Have You
Turn Me Loose
I Can't Wait
Jump (For My Love)
Love Will Lead You Back
Chain Reaction
New Attitude
I'm So Excited
Tell It To My Heart
Dear Santa (Bring Me A Man This Christmas) (Bonus Track)

This masterpiece looks even gayer than their first album and I honestly didn't think that was possible. I can't believe they are covering Cheryl Lynn, Taylor Dayne (twice!), Diana Ross, The Pointer Sisters (twice!), The Weather Girls as well as my favourite Patti LaBelle song on the one album. I'm tempted to name "New Attitude" my album of the year and just get it over and done with! The album hits stores on the 26th of November and can be pre-ordered here.

Goddess Celine

Up until very recently, Celine Dion was one of the few divas gay icons that I simply couldn't stomach. I believe I may have even called Celine's music a crime against humanity. Well, I take it all back. I'm still not convinced about her music and I'll never entirely forgive that disturbing Anne Geddes album but Celine is love. If you don't believe me - watch this interview with Larry King. I started to simultaneously laugh and cry when Celine rants about letting looters steal in New Orleans. The woman is positively certifiable but she clearly means every word and that is refreshing in this day of crippling political correctness. Thankfully, Celine's new single is as fabulous as that giant wig on her head. "Taking Chances" is amazing and the trannytastic video is majestic. Celine emerging from a helicopter in drag queen stilettos and jaunty leather cap is just too fierce! "Taking Chances" is released in Australia today. Bring on the album!

Other Random Hotness

I'm man enough to admit when I'm wrong. A couple of weeks ago I wrote off The Veronicas' new song as a major disappointment. It took about 25 listens to sink in but "Hook Me Up" is really rather wonderful. I love the TATU inspired faux lesbian, incest video too. The Veronicas released their second album in Australia today.

I'm not a huge fan of Alicia Keys but I've been humming "No One" ever since I slow danced to it with a female Justin Timberlake impersonator at The Flinders' lesbian R'n'B night on Saturday. Which is pretty impressive, considering I'm on crutches. Alicia is everything that Leona Lewis wishes she could be if she wasn't so painfully mediocre. "No One" is released today.

Last but not least, Nelly Furtado is set to release her 5th single from "Loose" in Australia. "Do It" is one of my favourite tracks from the album and I'm glad it's finally getting its moment in the sun. "Do It" is released on the 12th of November in Australia.