Pop Panel - Week 7

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Housekeeping

It's time for a little blog housekeeping. Basically, this post is a dumping ground for thoughts and little tidbits of information that I've been meaning to share for the past couple of weeks. I guess I should get the (really) boring stuff out of the way first. I finally pulled my finger out and made a Pop Trash Addicts Myspace. Add me as a friend if you can be bothered. I also need to overhaul my links. If you write or simply want to recommend a quality pop blog, send me an e-mail. You can find the address in my profile. Warning: I reserve the right to place a voodoo curse on anyone who directs me to a Girls Aloud fansite! Moving on to more exciting things, my Asian tour edition of "X" (pictured above) finally arrived. It's beautiful and actually worth owning - unlike the Australian version. I love the "making of" videos and it's nice to have Kylie's BRITS performance of "Wow" on DVD... even if the poor old thing looks like a bored housewife on Valium.

Speaking of fabulous Australian divas, how fantastic is it to see Jessica Mauboy at #1 on the singles chart? Written and produced by the Danish team behind Kylie's "Like A Drug" and "All I See", "Burn" really is a sparkling slice of urban dance-pop. I wasn't crazy about the song to begin with but it just gets better with each listen. Jess is now one of only three Indigenous performers (that I can think of) to reach the summit of the charts - along with Casey Donovan and Jimmy Little. If Sony manages to pick a decent follow-up single, I don't see why she can't do it all over again. Don't be put off by the hideous cover, "Been Waiting" is a really great pop album. Another quality local release that I've been playing all summer is Sneaky Sound System's "2". Unfortunately, this fabulous opus is suffering from serious BSC or bad single choices. After flopping miserably with "When We Were Young", the group have settled on "16" for single number 3. Great move. Another depressing piece of filler that you couldn't pay radio to play. It's frustrating because "2" contains so many hot jams with great hit potential. "I Want Everything" and "Lost In The Future" are two very obvious choices.

I'm on a roll, so I might as well continue with the local acts. Pop Trash readers will be very familiar with Melinda Jackson. I wrote about her regularly in 2007 ("Fall In Love" is still one of my favourite songs) but she sadly dropped off the pop radar last year. Happily, Mel has returned with a hot new sound and even a new name! She is starting over as Mindi and I wish her all the best. Mindi's edgy new tracks are streaming on her Myspace. They are definitely worth checking out. Another diva to feature regularly on Pop Trash Addicts is Zoe Badwi. I was completely obsessed with Sirens and raved about her first solo single way back in October. "Release Me" ended up being a #1 club hit for 7 weeks and three months later, it's still hovering in the top 5. A video has finally been released - sort of. Zoe's live performance at Sensation (a big NYE party) will serve as the clip unless "Release Me" crosses over to the pop charts. Check it out below. I really hope the song takes off. Zoe is amazing and "Release Me" deserves to be huge.

Now for the international divas. I'm not sold on Kelly Clarkson's new song. Pink did it first and Katy Perry did it better. There's no denying Max Martin's ability to knock out a catchy pop/rock tune but the man is turning into a boring production line of mediocrity. Pink and Katy get away with it because they have enough attitude to make his songs their own. I can't imagine anyone but Pink singing "So What" and who else but Katy Perry would blurt out "you PMS like a bitch, I should know". Kelly, on the other hand, gets completely lost in the mix. She's harmless enough but the woman is a personality free zone. For an example of Max Martin trying something different, I recommend Pink's new single "Please Don't Leave Me". It's one of the best songs on "Funhouse" and I love hearing it every 5 minutes (literally) on Australian radio.

While on the topic of American pop, I have to mention Christina Milian's amazing new single. "Us Against The World" sounds like the bastard child of Alicia Keys' "No One" and Whitney Houston's "My Love Is Your Love". In my mind, that's a very good thing. The sing was released digitally way back in October without making much of a splash but it finally seems to be taking off thanks to the recently filmed video clip. It's pretty classy - Christina basically rolls around some sand dunes wearing a series of increasingly skimpy outfits. I'm looking forward to her new album, "So Amazin'" was a real guilty pleasure. I guess I should also mention Beyoncé's new singles. Talk about going from the sublime to the ridiculous. "Halo" is my favourite song from "Sasha Fierce" and I'm thrilled, if a little surprised, that it's going to be the next Australian single. Unfortunately, Beyoncé is going with "Diva" in America, which more than likely means we'll get it next. Words can't adequately describe how much I hate that song. A diva is NOT "a female version of a hustler". May drag queens smite you down, bitch! Annoyingly, the "Diva" video is totally fierce. I love the 80s shoulder pads and wicked dance moves. The "Halo" film clip, on the other hand, is the most insipid piece of shit Beyoncé has ever put her name to. At least the song is brilliant.

Just a few more things to get off my chest. Firstly, Spain is fucked. Soraya came second in the initial Eurovision vote - to this revolting rubbish. Even the shirtless men can't make that shit bearable. On the bright side, Soraya got enough votes to progress through to the next round, which will be a televised gala. I'm convinced Spain will fall under Soraya's beautiful spell when she belts out "La Noche Es Para Mi" in front of a live audience. If not, I'm moving to Portugal. That is when I find my Spanish husband. If nothing else, Eurovision has breathed new life into Soraya's amazing album - it's climbed from #99 to #57 over the past 3 weeks. That's true Dannii-esque $ucce$$! Soraya isn't the only fabulous Euro-diva desperately trying to revive their career at the moment. Germany's Sarah Connor has recorded a duet with Enrique Iglesias for the German version of his Greatest Hits. Amusingly, it's a re-make of "Takin' Back My Love" - the current American single that Enrique recorded with Ciara. Poor Sarah might get Ciara's sloppy seconds but at least it's a good song. Last but not least, spare a thought for poor La Toya. I can't believe Toy Toy was evicted from the Celebrity Big Brother house. The United Kingdom clearly has no fucking taste!

The Diva Round Up - October 08

You know that Christmas is just around the corner when record companies start flooding the market with crappy greatest hits compilations and rushed priority releases. There are more big name divas than usual in the mix this year, with at least 8 vying for a place under your tree. Here are my two cents on some of the most hotly anticipated.

Keeps Gettin' Better (A Decade Of Hits) - Christina Aguilera

I had to start with this trash because I'm completely mesmerised by the artwork. Seriously, what was the inspiration for the photoshoot - ladyboys in space? I know drag queens who would draw the line at that much mascara! Fabulous cover art aside, this looks like a pretty decent compilation. It's Christina's first greatest hits package and all her best tracks are included from "Genie In A Bottle" to "Ain't No Other Man". She's even been kind enough to tack on a couple of new songs including her ironically titled recent single "Keeps Gettin' Better". The album is released on the 10th of November in the UK and on the 17th in Australia.

Verdict - Perfect for casual fans. Personally, I'm buying this shit for the cover!


Funhouse - Pink

Pink's 5th studio album has to be one of the hottest properties of 2008. With her last album going 9 times platinum in Australia during its mammoth 108 week chart run, the expectations for "Funhouse" are sky high. I couldn't resist having a sneaky listen when the album leaked last week and it's very much Pink by the numbers, staying true to her tried and tested formula of foul mouthed pop and soft rock. Fans of "I'm Not Dead" will love "Funhouse" but it doesn't serve up anything new. The only surprise is the number of pared back ballads and the lack of anything as instantly catchy as "So What". The album is released in Australia and the UK on the 27th of October.

Verdict - A respectable follow up to "I'm Not Dead". Buy it for your favourite lesbian.


I Am - Beyoncé

I have a strange love/hate relationship with Beyoncé. I love most of her singles and remixes but I generally hate her albums. "Dangerously In Love" and "B'Day" had their moments but both were bogged down by far too much mid-tempo filler. I hope she gets it right this time because I'm seriously impressed with dual lead singles from her upcoming 3rd album "I Am". The pop option, "If I Were A Boy", has been stuck in my head from the very first listen. It's raw, emotionally charged and beautifully performed. While the fabulously titled R'n'B alternative, "Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It)", is the kind of sassy urban jam that Beyoncé has built her career upon. The album will apparently be split along the musical styles of the first singles. Fingers crossed that Beyoncé finally gets it right this time. "I Am" is released worldwide on the 17th of November.

Verdict - Extremely promising but I'm prepared for disappointment.


Circus - Britney Spears

I never thought I'd say it but I miss breakdown Britney. Admittedly, she was certifiable but at least the trainwreck had an edge that is sorely missing from her incredibly bland and repetitive new single "Womanizer". It's basically a rehashed version of "Radar" with even less charm and originality. Hopefully, "Circus", her 6th studio album, contains better material. She has the who's who of the music world working on it, so there's really no excuse for more of this lazy bullshit. "Circus" is unveiled in Australia and the UK on the 1st of December.

Verdict - Unless the future singles are a significant improvement, I'll pass. Buy it for mentally unstable loved ones.


Heavy Rotation - Tranastacia

The title of Tranastacia's latest album is turning out to be slightly ironic given the complete and utter lack of interest in the rubbish first single, "I Can Feel You". Nevertheless, her last release sold 10 million copies worldwide, so I assume someone must be interested in this crap. I've never been a huge fan and I highly doubt "Heavy Rotation" will win me over despite all the A-list producers on board. I'll try to keep an open mind until the album's offical release on the 27th of October.

Verdict - Gift it to someone you really don't like.


The Ballads - Mariah Carey

And the award for the cheapest Christmas cash-in goes to Mariah Carey. Seriously, whose bright idea was this collection of vomit inducing tracks? Mimi already has two greatest hits compilations to her name (three if you count "The Remixes") and more to the point, she has a fabulous album of new material that she should be promoting instead. To be fair, "The Ballads" is being excreted by Sony (her old label) but only because Mariah's record company has already given up on "E=MC²" without tapping the album's two strongest potential singles, "Migrate" and "I'm That Chick". No wonder most labels are going out of business. At the very least they could have tacked on a couple of new tracks to make the package slightly more appealing. This tat is already in stores in the UK, Australians will have to wait until the 3rd of November.

Verdict - Only for the most delusional Lambs and Mariah completists.


My Love: Essential Collection - Celine Dion

Unlike Mariah's nasty compilation, some thought and effort has gone into Celine Dion's 2nd greatest hits package. The album includes two new songs and a handful of live tracks in addition to most of Celine's biggest hits. The ballad heavy tracklist is a bit of a turn off but I quite like the new Linda Perry penned single, "My Love". It's another slow number but the song is understated by Celine's standards (admittedly, that isn't saying much) and not quite as saccharine as her usual output. "My Love: Essential Collection" is released on the 27th of October in Australia and the UK.

Verdict - This is a fairly comprehensive package for casual fans. Buy it for your favourite middle aged homosexual.

Tina!: Her Greatest Hits - Tina Turner

I worship Tina Turner but this recently released compilation is a bit of piss take in the wake of 2004's "All The Best" and 2005's "All The Best: The Hits". I guess we should be grateful for the live tracks and the two new songs, "It Would Be A Crime" and "I'm Ready". The latter of which is actually pretty good in a middle of the road kind of way. The compilation is nicely packaged and perfectly timed for her world tour but is it too much to ask for something new from Tina? It's been 9 years since her last studio album and there's only so many times I can listen to "Private Dancer"! This is already available in both Australia and the UK.

Verdict - Download the new tracks from iTunes.

Pop Bits

It's time for another bitch about recent events in the wonderful world of pop! I'll start with some exciting news. Despite taking a decade off between her first and second studio albums, pop trash favourite Deni Hines somehow managed to record and release her third offering in a matter of months. "The Other Woman" is a huge change of pace for Deni. Australia's urban queen has reinvented herself as a jazz diva with the help of James Morrison and the results are sublime. "The Other Woman" was released yesterday. Autographed copies are available for a limited time from Chaos. Expect a full review in the near future!

My 2 Cents On 2 Hearts

By now everyone and their fag hag has commented on Kylie's comeback single but I thought I would throw in my two cents. Despite loathing the demo, I've fallen in love with "2 Hearts". Kish Mauve have crafted the musical equivalent of watching Hedwig & The Angry Inch on Valium. "2 Hearts" is a bit glam, a bit tragic and most probably quite profound - if I knew what the fuck was going on. While the song continues to grow on me with every listen (and I admire Kylie for having the balls to come back with something completely different), I still think "2 Hearts" is an abysmal choice for the first single. Kylie needed to come back with a bang - not with a song that leaves people scratching their head until the 23rd time they hear it. No wonder Parlophone are already lining up the second single. Expect "2 Hearts" to fall down the charts faster than Dannii's knickers in a dyke bar!

The song might be somewhat perplexing but the video for "2 Hearts" won me over immediately. It's tacky, slightly embarrassing and by far my favourite Kylie video since the masterpiece that is "Please Stay"! Here is my blow by blow review:

0.10 I wonder if Carol whipped out her Bedazzler to gay up Kylie's skull microphone.

0.15 Kylie looks nice in the dark.

0.25 Camping it up on a piano. Will Kylie start a trend for glow in the dark moon tans?

0.35 Kylie's channelling her character from The Delinquents with the peroxide blond hair and home perm. I like!

0.45 Girlfriend is looking mighty fine lying upside down on said piano.

0.50 Has Kylie hired Roxette to play her band in the video?

1.05 This video is cheaper than "Perfection" - and I swear that was filmed on Dannii's mobile phone!

1.20 Kylie looks like she's wearing my grandmother's house dress and clogs. Knicker flash! That's more like it.

1.25 Those shoes are foul.

1.40 Kylie looks like a pissed housewife at karaoke. I love this tacky shit!

1.50 Almost spilled my drink. Kylie's strut to the microphone in what appears to be a sequined wetsuit is FIERCE! Work it, bitch!

1.55 Kylie's cocked eyebrow of death! That microphone would look nice in my lounge room.

2.00 Having visions of Jem & The Holograms.

2.10 Shake that money maker!

2.15 Is that a man or a woman on guitar?

2.25 Glitter explosions and a jumping guitarist! Surely this is a piss take.

2.45 Kylie was made to straddle that amp. HOTNESS!

2.50 End

At least Kylie no longer has to worry about having egg on her face if "2 Hearts" misses the top spot in the UK. The Spice Girls are now releasing their own comeback single in the same week as Kylie and are overwhelming favourites for number 1. The slappers have also announced the tracklist for their upcoming Greatest Hits compilation. It looks pretty boring to me:

1. Wannabe
2. Say You'll Be There
3. 2 Become 1
4. Mama
5. Who Do You Think You Are
6. Move Over
7. Spice Up Your Life
8. Too Much
9. Stop
10. Viva Forever
11. Let Love Lead The Way
12. Holler
13. Headlines (Friendship Never Ends)
14. Voodoo
15. Goodbye

Got GBH?

It seems poor Jade Macrae was drugged when she hit the tiles on the gay scene last weekend. Happily, Jade managed to wring some publicity out of the experience in yesterday's Sydney Confidential:

7th Single

Pink is gearing up to release the 7th single from her 8 times platinum album "I'm Not Dead" in Australia. That might sound like overkill but 5 of those singles have hit the top ten and the album remains firmly entrenched in the top twenty 80 weeks after release! The new single, "Cuz I Can", isn't as shit as the title would suggest. But then again, I'm rather partial to songs about ice cream! Good for her. Pink isn't the only pop star who is continuing to flog a not so dead horse. Justin Timberlake is promoting the 6th single from "Future Sex/Love Sounds" - a frightful duet with Beyonce called "Until The End Of Time". I think Timbaland is starting to take the piss.

Note To Robyn

What's got into Robyn? The former queen of cool has remodelled herself as the poor man's Dannii Minogue. First she steals Dannii's favourite DJs to remix "Handle Me" and then blatantly rips off Dannii's "So Under Pressure" video - only without Dannii's lack of clothing and phallic snake. The new "Handle Me" video is piss poor. Robyn looks absolutely revolting and the concept is clearly derivative. It's a pity because the original "Handle Me" video is a masterpiece. Give me Robyn riding a bike through the hood in a red cocktail gown over this Boxing Helena tribute any day.

Dulta's Un-airbrushed Album Cover


Two Fabulous Divas

One of my favourite local divas, Brielle Davis, will be performing around Sydney this week. If you missed tonight's show at the Brass Monkey, you can still catch Brielle at The Harp Hotel next Saturday. Brielle's acoustic EP is available from her website. Congratulations are in order for Melinda Jackson on reaching #5 on the AIR (Independent) Chart with her poptastic anthem "Magic". Keep an eye out for Melinda's debut album, scheduled for release later this year.

On a personal note, I'd like to thank the people who dropped by our trashy forum. I knew it was going to be outrageous but even I wasn't expecting this!