"I told you she didn't have a dick" quips a guard after throwing Lady GaGa in her prison cell. So begins the most highly anticipated music video in recent history. Yes people, "Telephone" is finally here! After months of delays, the 9 and a half minute Jonas Åkerlund directed opus has just hit the web and it's everything I could have hoped for. The lovingly sleazy homage to 70s sexploitation movies picks up where "Paparazzi" left off. GaGa has landed in gaol but makes the most of her free time by making out with hot dykes and posing naked in crime scene tape. Basically your average episode of Cell Block H with higher production values! Things heat up when a super sexy Beyoncé bails our heroine out and they go on a Thelma & Louise inspired killing spree.
"Telephone" is truly staggering in its scope. It all has everything - lesbian love scenes, brilliant dance routines, jaw dropping costumes (smoking sunglasses is THE LOOK for 2010) and a surprisingly witty script. I particularly love the little in-jokes. Like the aforementioned crack about Lady GaGa having a penis and the gags about Beyoncé's eating habits. The camp dialogue is also pretty amazing. "Once you kill a cow you gotta make a burger" and "I knew you'd take all my honey, you selfish motherfucker" spring to mind. I hoped Beyjesus would do the right thing and let Lady GaGa shine after completely stealing the show in "Videophone" and she graciously obliges - at least for the first half of the mini movie until her superior beauty and Oscar calibre acting ability makes it an impossible task! If I had to choose a favourite scene it would be Lady GaGa's cooking demonstration or the choreography in big finale, which showcases the phenomenal talent of pop music's two biggest stars.
10/10
PS. Did Lady GaGa steal Kylie's catsuit from Showgirl Homecoming?!
Was robbed of Album Of The Year at today's Grammy Awards by ratfaced Taylor Swift but she still managed to score a record haul for a female artist. All 6 were well deserved but I'm particularly happy about "Halo" getting some love. I have a feeling that song is going to stand the test of time even better than "Single Ladies". Anyway, it's a fitting end to the already iconic "Sasha Fierce" era... although does anyone else think Sony might return to the well one last time and release a "Grammys Edition" of the album - complete with a bonus disc featuring Solange breaking wind to the beat of Kelly Rowland scrubbing floors at the House Of Dereon?
Song Of The Year - Single Ladies
Best Female Pop Vocal Performance - Halo
Best Female R&B Vocal Performance - Single Ladies
Best Traditional R&B Vocal Performance - At Last
Best R&B Song - Single Ladies
Best Contemporary R&B Album - I Am... Sasha Fierce
Oh and here's Beyoncé's new perfume ad to celebrate her Grammy success. I'm going to bathe in gallons of this piss while listening to "The Writing's On The Wall" on repeat! Don't judge me.
Now honey, you better sit down and look around, 'cause you must have bumped your head!
Just when you thought Beyoncé had taken off her weave and hung up her heels for the final time in the Sasha Fierce era, the diva has squeezed out yet another single. "Why Don't You Love Me?" is currently sitting at #3 on the US Dance Chart thanks to sizzling remixes from Lost Daze, Jump Smokers and Karmatronic - among others - and is a strong contender for the top spot. I'm pretty sure this is just a club release to keep the gays happy and provide Solange with some much needed pocket money (she co-wrote the song) but I'm still shocked that they bothered. I guess Beyoncé had a spare five minutes and just thought what the hell. Whatever the reason, it's an inspired choice. "Why Don't You Love Me?" has been a favourite of mine from the beginning, probably because it positively reeks of my Sol-Angel. The track is a funkadelic explosion of 70s soul with a killer chorus and truly memorable lyrics. Think of this as Beyoncé's "Sandcastle Disco". None of the mixes improve on the original but the Jump Smokers Remix seems to be getting the most attention from clubbers. My favourite mix comes from Swedish DJ RedTop (below). He retains the old school flavour but takes it a step further by incorporating disco elements for the full 70s experience. I know it's an acquired taste but I absolutely love it. Keep 'em coming, B!
Scarily - this is only part of my 'Sasha Fierce' collection!
With end of year 'best and worst of' countdowns sweeping the net (make sure you check out Adem With An E, Chart Rigger and Melismatic for starters), I thought it was about time I joined in. I'm still compiling my lists but there's one award that's a complete no brainer. Under normal circumstances I'd give this prize to Dannii for just getting out of bed and doing her hair. However, a strange thing happened in 2009. I finally saw the light and discovered the holy power of Beyjesus. After years of being frustrated by great singles and patchy records, everything just clicked. "I Am... Sasha Fierce" will not only go down as one of the best pop albums of the decade but also as one of the most influential. The only diva that came close to leaving a similar mark on 2009 was Lady GaGa. They both sold millions, scored endless hits and changed popular culture forever with their video clips and iconic images but Beyoncé also had a number one hit at the box office (with the god awful Obsessed), cleaned up at every award ceremony and revolutionised the way albums are promoted with her dual singles and 'Sasha Fierce' alter ego. The pop pioneer also somehow found the time to release a remix album and a live album as well as two brilliant duets (with Lady GaGa and Alicia Keys). Like it or not - 2009 was the year of Queen B.
Aus #3, NZ #2, UK #1, US #3
Aus #5, NZ #2, UK #7, US #1
I've never cared about chart success or critical acclaim (it's not like Dannii or La Toya have ever experienced much of either) but I respect what Beyoncé has achieved in the past year. It's hard to knock ten Grammy nominations and few acts in the history of music can boast 8 hit singles from the one album. That's not even mentioning her latest accolade. Beyjesus was recently named Billboard's top female artist of the decade and 4th overall. If you take into consideration that Destiny's Child came in 9th - she has a legitimate claim to being the most successful artist of the noughties. But whatever. Any old ho can sell records - just look at numbers 8, 14 and 17 on that list. I'm way more impressed by Beyoncé's impact on popular culture and the music industry - particularly with regard to the way albums are marketed and promoted. Pre-"Sasha Fierce" it was rare to go with different singles in different territories let alone release dual lead singles. Now it's almost standard practice.
Aus #40, NZ #26, UK #72, US #19
Aus #3, NZ #2, UK #4, US #5
You only need to look at Beyoncé's army of imitators. Take Rihanna. Not only does her new Grace Jones on steroids image reek of Sasha Fierce, she's also going with dual lead singles - one ballad and one uptempo. Sound familiar? At least she brought something new to the concept with her horror movie styling unlike Ciara (her ultra lame 'Super CiCi' persona was as big a flop as "Fantasy Ride") and J Lo (admittedly 'Lola' was stillborn out the oven and quickly scrapped). That's not even mentioning my favourite Beyoncé clone. Australia's own Jessica Mauboy is getting in on the act. Sony Australia have also been taking notes by re-releasing Jessica's album every second week and squeezing out single after single. I know it annoys some fans but I like having shit to collect and it's a legitimate way of making a return with album sales plummeting. However, the real legacy of "Sasha Fierce" isn't the way it was marketed but rather the song "Single Ladies". The video clip is already iconic, the dance routine has captured the imagination of everyone from Barack Obama to this fierce queen and the song has now been immortalised in Alvin & The Chipmunks 2. This is either the best or most disturbing thing I've seen all year.
Japan #3, NZ #11, US #39
Aus #2, NZ #1, UK #5, US #10
None of this would mean very much if the quality of the music didn't match the top notch styling and innovative marketing. A little over a year ago I reviewed "I Am... Sasha Fierce" and rather embarrassingly declared that the concept didn't work. I loved the songs but had issues with Beyoncé's split personality. I wanted a mix of both discs - pretty ballads with a sprinkling of fierce urban pop thrown in to spice things up. Unfortunately, the problem with writing reviews is the fact that you only get to listen to the album a couple of times before waxing lyrical about its genius or shortcomings. More often than not I can make up my mind after ten minutes but sometimes they take a while to get under your skin and it wasn't until early 2009 that I realised how very wrong I was. "Sasha Fierce" has been the soundtrack to my year. I just change the tracklist according to my mood. When I landed in hospital I played "Halo" on repeat for weeks (I really don't know why), when I was loved up I preferred "Smash Into You" and "That's Why You're Beautiful", when I broke up I moved on to "Disappear" and when I occasionally unleash my inner man whore I give "Ego" a spin. There's literally a song for every occasion!
Aus #14, Ger #14, UK #27
Aus #31, NZ #32, US #65
The amazing thing about "I Am... Sasha Fierce" is that it has continued to sell despite the worst single choices since Kylie's "X" debacle. Things started well with "If I Were A Boy", "Single Ladies" and "Halo" but it's all been down hill since there with the exception of "Sweet Dreams". "Ego", "Diva", "Broken Hearted Girl" and "Videophone" were all terrible choices that were only saved by remarkably good remixes. I could understand if there wasn't much to choose from but "Sasha Fierce" is an embarrassment of riches. "Radio" (a top 20 hit in Holland oddly enough!) is the most commercial pop song on the album and has hit written all over it. "Hello" (or "Hellllooooowww" as I like to call it) should have been a single. Even the hardcore fans don't seem to like this one but I think it's more addictive than heroin. As far as ballads are concerned "Smash Into You" is one of the prettiest songs I've ever heard, while "Disappear" and "That's Why You're Beautiful" are further proof of Beyoncé's stunning versatility. Hell, even the bonus tracks were better than some of the singles. It's frustrating but I'm also kind of glad that my faves haven't been played to death on the radio. Now they're just there for me and the 6 million or so other people who bought the album. I was going to finish this post with a video clip but I've decided to go with the cinematic highlight of 2009 instead. Beyoncé's trashtastic fight scene in "Obsessed" is a future cult classic - and a potent reminder not to fuck with B (or to let her act in any more movies)!
Until this week I've been what you'd call a casual Alicia Keys fan. I've always admired her talent and loved the occasional song ("No One", "Karma" and "You Don't Know My Name" spring to mind) but I never really connected with her as a person. She always seemed a little too perfect and untouchable to me. Kind of like Whitney in the late 80s before she discovered crack. Well, Alicia's normally immaculate facade is starting to look a little vulnerable. The lead singles from her latest album have underperformed, the diva has battled depression and she's currently embroiled in a major scandal after shacking up with Swizz Beats. Strangely enough, I love floptastic, homewrecking Alicia! There is actually a real person in there and she's just as flawed and messed up as the rest of us. I finally feel her emotional turmoil and there's plenty of that on "The Element Of Freedom". As usual, Alicia doesn't stray far from matters of the heart but this time around she's working with a broader musical palette. The piano based ballads are still there but they're now mixed with synth drenched mid-tempo pop songs and even a club banger of a duet with Beyoncé. "The Element Of Freedom" won't appeal to everyone but it's a late (and very unexpected) contender for my album of the year. I hope this review inspires theAK hatersto listen this remarkable artist with unbiased ears.
The Element Of Freedom (Intro)
I hate intros and interludes - and this is no exception. Alicia talks about blooming into a flower from a "tightly closed" bud. I think that's a fancy way of saying that freedom is having the courage to take chances and be yourself. Awww.
Love Is Blind
From the opening onslaught of piano and synths, it's immediately apparent that Alicia has finally moved on from the straightforward soul of her previous albums. I really like Jeff Bhasker's evocative and sparse production but this is one of my least favourite songs on the album. That being said, "Love Is Blind" perfectly sets the mood for "The Element Of Freedom" and has a haunting quality that I find quite beautiful. However, the best is definitely yet to come.
Doesn't Mean Anything
The album's much maligned lead single stalled at #60 in America and missed the charts completely in Australia. It was widely labelled as the poor man's "No One" and some critics even accused the diva of being a one trick pony. While "Doesn't Mean Anything" could easily fit on any of Alicia's previous albums, I think it's unfair to criticise her for exploring familiar themes. Aretha and Stevie covered similar ground for most of their careers without having to justify themselves. Personally, I love the song. Sure, it's a bit soppy but it appeals to the hopeless romantic in me and I love the simplicity of the arrangement. My only problem with "Doesn't mean Anything" is the fact that it's too subtle for a lead single and completely misrepresents the rest of the album.
Try Sleeping With A Broken Heart
Now this is more like it. The album's second single channels the 80s with an explosion of synths and keyboards. The lyrics are typically dramatic - Alicia definitely paints in bold strokes when it comes to expressing emotions - but I can identify with the song's love sick/slightly deluded narrator more than I care to admit. "Try Sleeping With A Broken Heart" isn't exactly setting the charts on fire either but hopefully it's something of a grower. It's such a treat to hear Alicia explore new sounds and with this she proves she's just as adept at knocking out pop songs as she is writing soul ballads.
Wait Till You See My Smile
And the award for my favourite song on "The Element Of Freedom" goes to the gorgeous "Wait Till You See My Smile" (well, equal favourite with "Empire State Of Mind"). The song is an absolutely essential addition to the canon of I'll show 'em/wait till they see me now anthems. However, unlike the majority of those songs (see Kina's fabulous "Girl From The Gutter") - this is completely lacking in bitterness and spite. Rather Alicia has written a self-empowerment mantra for herself. I love the production on this. The combination of piano and keyboards against a backdrop of pretty synths is stunning and the lyrics are genuinely inspiring: "You don't really need 'em, cause you're stronger and you're better and you're ready for whatever". Sing it, Alicia. This is kind of random but does the song remind anyone else of Carly Simon's 1989 hit "Let The River Run"? The older gays might see where I'm coming from.
That's How Strong My Love Is
After experimenting with new production techniques, Ms Keys returns to her trademark piano based soul sound on the self-produced "That's How Strong My Love Is". The woman's talent is actually kind of scary. I can't think of any other diva in pop who could create something this good on their own. Sure, it's another slightly over the top love song but why fuck with a winning formula? I love Alicia's voice on this - she really lets loose and shows off her range. Some people might find the lyrics a little clichéd but I just think they're sweet and romantic. I clearly share her all or nothing approach to love. I bet we're the same star sign. (Edit: Yep, we're both January babies)
Unthinkable (I'm Ready)
Brace yourself, stalkers - you have a new theme song! I'm pretty sentimental but even I would run in the opposite direction if someone said "I was wondering maybe, could I make you a baby?" Disturbing lyrics aside, there's an old school R'n'B feel to this languid jam that is actually rather appealing. A solid album track.
Love Is My Disease
This is interesting. "Love Is My Disease" is a co-production between longtime collaborator Kerry "Krucial" Brothers and Toby Gad (Fergie's "Big Girls Don't Cry" and Beyoncé's "If I Were A Boy"). The result is a mid-tempo guitar pop song with a distinct traces of reggae and ska. It shouldn't work but it does. The more organic production breaks up the album nicely and Alicia writes about the dark underbelly of love with insight and honesty.
Like The Sea
"Wait Till You See My Smile" and "Empire State Of Mind" might be my favourite songs on the album but "Like The Sea" is a very close equal second with the Beyoncé duet. This mesmerising extended metaphor doubling as a pop song is as clever as it is catchy. It kind of reminds me of vintage Stevie Wonder. I love the dark, atmospheric production and the line "love is like the sea, leaves you on your knees - first you're floating high then it takes you, takes you under" is one of my favourite lyrics of the year. Alicia speaks the truth.
Put It In A Love Song (Duet With Beyoncé)
This duet is whole reason I checked out "The Element Of Freedom" in the first place. As most of you know, I'm a devout Beyjesus convert and I couldn't wait to hear her second superstar duet in the space of a month. I thought Beyoncé's Lady GaGa collaboration ("Telephone" not "Videophone"!) was pretty extraordinary but I think I prefer "Put It In A Love Song". It's a ridiculously catchy urban pop tune in the vein of "Single Ladies". This is the most commercial track Alicia has recorded since she teamed up with Eve on "Gangsta Lovin'". I love the camp intro and the divas battle their way through the verses before joining forces on a brilliant chorus. My favourite part is the "work it out, gotta work it out" breakdown. Swizz Beats also brings his A game to the production - it's effortlessly slick and the hand claps are a nice touch. Fingers crossed this is released as a single.
This Bed
Alicia continues to try new things by exploring 70s funk on this slinky jam. The heavy bass mixes surprisingly well with the crisp synths and the sexy lyrics give the song an unexpected edge. "This Bed" wouldn't sound out of place on an early Prince record, which is high praise indeed. Another winning album track.
Distance And Time
The musical experimentation is momentarily put on hold for another piano ballad. "Distance And Time" sounds a lot like "Doesn't Mean Anything" - only better. They both share the same stripped back production and their themes aren't dissimilar. I tend to gravitate towards these sentimental ballads, so I'm not complaining. The reason I prefer this to "Doesn't Mean Anything" is the beautiful splash of gospel towards the end of the song and the sweetness of the lyrics. Warning - this will give you the urge to sway your lighter in the air and send someone a text that you will most probably later regret. I speak from experience.
How It Feels To Fly
Alicia Keys knows how to sing a restrained piano ballad better than anyone in the business but she doesn't do overblown power ballads very often. Which is probably why "How It Feels To Fly" is such a standout. This is the kind of tits out balladry that Mariah mastered in the 90s before her career was sabotaged by The-Dream. I like the fact that it isn't so much about love and relationships as taking chances and following your heart. It's about as subtle as a sledge hammer but a bit of melodrama never hurt anybody.
Empire State Of Mind (Part II)
I could and probably should devote an entire post to how much I love "Empire State Of Mind". I'm still pretty obssessed with the Jay Z original (currently at #1 for the 4th week in America) but I think Alicia's sequel surpasses it. There's something incredibly uplifting about this song. It perfectly captures the energy and inspiration you get from living in a big city - not to mention the hopes and dreams of its inhabitants. Alicia's version more so than Jay Z's because it has so much soul. I get goosebumps every time I hear "Empire State Of Mind (Part II)". A modern classic.
BONUS TRACKS
Through It All
Bonus tracks are usually pretty hit and miss but "The Element Of Freedom" boasts two absolute winners. "Through It All" is kind of like an Alicia Keys piano ballad on steroids. The sound is still very organic but the song is so upbeat and uplifting. I love the strings, the ruthless optimism of the lyrics and the breezy chorus. Alicia also delivers one of her best vocals. Send this to someone you love.
Prayer For Forgiveness
"Prayer For Forgiveness" is like the musical flipside of "Through It All". It's probably the album's darkest, most introspective moment but it gives me chills. The quasi-orchestral arrangement is lush and beautiful and it's refreshing to hear Alicia explore deeper issues than love and heartache. Lyrics like "I feel like my mind is haunting me, I think of every little mistake that has been made" lead me to believe that this was written about the diva's battle with depression. Interestingly the song was co-written by super songwriter for hire Linda Perry.
Stolen Moments
This is the album's iTunes bonus track. Unlike the other bonus tracks, I understand why this was left off the album. In a nutshell - it's a bit rubbish. Alicia teams up with an uncredited male vocalist (someone tell me who it is, it's driving me crazy) for a sleepy duet. It's nice enough but desperately in need of a chorus. Only for the AK faithful.
Earlier in the week I was discussing the validity of the ARIAs with a friend and made an off the cuff remark about the Grammys being even worse. Well, the joke's on me because this year's nominations are the best in recent memory - if not ever. Instead of selecting the usual suspects, the voters have moved into the 21st century and rewarded the biggest names in popular music. I'm ecstatic that Beyoncé leads the pack with 10 well deserved nods but also very happy that Lady GaGa, The Black Eyed Peas and Taylor Swift have been recognised for their achievements. Those four acts have shaped the charts around the globe in 2009 and all bring something different and exciting to the mix. I would have liked to see Whitney Houston score some nominations but the academy have clearly decided to look forward instead of backward. I guess she can take some solace in the fact that "I Look To You" has just sold its one millionth copy in the US. Anyway, here are my thoughts on some of the more important categories.
Record Of The Year
Halo - Beyoncé I Gotta Feeling - The Black Eyed Peas Use Somebody - Kings Of Leon Poker Face - Lady GaGa You Belong With Me - Taylor Swift
What an incredible line up! I can't remember ever liking all 5 nominees in this category. My choice is "Halo" (it's my favourite song of 2009) but I think the four pop anthems might cancel each other out - giving "Use Somebody" a slight edge. In any case, there will be a deserving winner.
Album Of The Year
I Am... Sasha Fierce - Beyoncé The E.N.D. - The Black Eyed Peas The Fame - Lady Gaga Big Whiskey And The Groogrux King - Dave Matthews Band Fearless - Taylor Swift
Beyoncé deserves this. "I Am... Sasha Fierce" is a career defining work that raised her from A-Lister to undisputed superstar. However, I'd be almost as happy if Lady GaGa won. "The Fame" is patchy but still contains 6 or 7 of the best dance-pop songs recorded in the past couple of years. My third choice would be "The E.N.D.", which I love. I don't think the Peas get enough recognition for their chart domination and this would be a nice pat on the back for actually selling records in a dying market. I don't mind "Fearless" either but Dave Matthews? Bitch, please.
Song Of The Year
Poker Face - Lady GaGa Pretty Wings - Maxwell Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It)- Beyoncé Use Somebody - Kings Of Leon You Belong With Me - Taylor Swift
"Poker Face" Vs "Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It)". How do you split two of the decade's most iconic pop songs? Call this a tie.
Best Female Pop Vocal Performance
Hometown Glory - Adele Halo - Beyoncé Hot N Cold - Katy Perry Sober - Pink You Belong With Me - Taylor Swift
Wow! Another stellar line up. What is this - the MTV awards? For me this is a battle between "Halo" and "Hot N Cold" but I have a strange feeling that Adele might be more to the academy's liking.
Best Dance Recording
Boom Boom Pow - The Black Eyed Peas When Love Takes Over - David Guetta & Kelly Rowland Poker Face - Lady GaGa Celebration - Madonna Womanizer - Britney
And the winner is Lady Gaga. Or at least it should be. However, I'd love to see Kelly Rowland win something and "Boom Boom Pow" is amazing in its own annoying way. No comment on the other nominees.
The rest of the categories aren't as much fun. I hope Beyoncé wins Best Female R&B Vocal Performance and Best R&B Song for "Single Ladies" but she faces stiff competition from Jazmine Sullivan and Melanie Fiona in the former and Maxwell in the latter. It's also nice to see Beyoncé's ode to big cocks (ie. "Ego") snag a nomination in the Best Rap/Sung Collaboration category but I think the prize will go to either "Knock You Down" or "Dead And Gone". With all the attention being placed on "Sasha Fierce", it's easy to forget that two of Beyoncé's nominations come from the amazing Cadillac Records Soundtrack. Her lovely interpretation of "At Last" is in the running for Best Traditional R&B Vocal Performance but I'm much more excited about "Once In A Lifetime" being nominated in the Best Song From A Movie category. I suspect "Once In A Lifetime" is actually a "Sasha Fierce" reject but don't tell the voters. The song is another stunning Amanda Ghost collaboration ("Disappear", "Ave Maria" and "Satellites") and has been a favourite of mine since seeing Cadillac Records. I love the 60s soul flavour and Beyoncé's vocal is truly beautiful. Check it out below: See the full list of nominations here.
I've spent most of the week obsessing over Beyoncé's amazing "I Am... Yours: An Intimate Performance at Wynn Las Vegas" CD/DVD set and will eventually get around to writing a proper review but in the meantime I can't resist mentioning one of the (not so) new tracks on the 97th re-release of "Sasha Fierce". And I'm not referring to the much hyped Lady GaGa remix of "Videophone" - even though that trash has grown on me to a ridiculous extent. I'm actually way more excited about having a proper studio version of "Poison". The Stargate produced track has been doing the rounds for a while now but I'm still crazy about it. Taking the piss out of Stargate's unprecedented ability to recycle beats is one of my favourite hobbies but this is exactly the kind of bouncy, synth drenched mid-tempo pop jam that made them so hot in the first place. Think Jennifer Hudson's "Spotlight" crossed with Whitney's "A Song For You" and you get the idea. I crave Beyoncé's pure pop detours and this is one of her best. However, as much as I love the song, I kind of understand why it was left off the album. It's too upbeat for the ballad disc and a little too cute and breezy for Ms Fierce. Anyway, strike this up as the equal best bonus track of the "I Am" era alongside the stunning "Why Don't You Love Me".
As I'm sure everyone with an internet connection is already aware, the world's two biggest pop stars recently teamed up for not one but two duets. As an an ardent Lady GaGa supporter and Beyoncé's self-proclaimed number 1 Australian fan, the prospect of these fierce bitches joining forces got me more than a little hot under the collar. It's not just that I love their music. I genuinely believe Beyoncé and Lady GaGa are pop circa 2009. Lady GaGa did the impossible by making Madonna redundant in the space of a year and continues to take dance-pop to dizzying new heights, while Beyoncé staked her claim as the undisputed Queen of the urban scene and revolutionised the way albums are marketed in the process with her dual singles and Sasha Fierce alter ego. That's not even touching on the impact of their iconic styling and music videos.
Well, both duets finally leaked and my expectations have not only been met but well and truly exceeded. Admittedly, that wasn't particularly hard when it came to "Videophone". I'm still fuming about that trash being selected as the 8th single from "Sasha Fierce". Beyoncé's album is bursting with songs that most divas would kill for ("Radio", "Smash Into You" and "Disappear" come to mind) and she goes with the stinker about leaving a filthy video message on someone's iPhone. Smart thinking. There's not a lot Lady GaGa could do to improve this apart from press the delete button in the studio but I like the new verses and GaGa's rap isn't as embarrassing as it could have been. I'm pretty sure "Videophone" was only chosen as a single to link in with "Telephone", so I guess it does what it's supposed to and all Beyoncé tracks are eventually rescued by a fagtastic dance remix - so I'll happily make do with this until then.
The real triumph, however, is Lady GaGa's "Telephone". I've spent the entire afternoon listening to "The Fame Monster" and I vastly prefer it to "The Fame". Each track is brilliant and this duet is no exception. According to rumours, GaGa actually wrote "Telephone" for Britney's "Circus" album and the world's favourite mime artist must be kicking herself for turning it down. This song is the shit. I'm probably the only person who loves (the unremixed version of) "Beautiful Liar" but unlike that superstar duet, "Telephone" delivers what fans want from their two favourite pop divas - an insanely catchy club anthem with quotable lyrics and almost endless remix potential. Funnily enough, even though this is most definitely a Lady GaGa track, Beyoncé's verse steals the show. I love it when B unleashes her inner angry black woman (see the underrated but amazing "Ring The Alarm") and I get tingles when she yells "cause this is a disaster!" Darkchild deserves a lot of credit. I used to think he was a spent force but this is his best production in years. Bring on the video clip/s!!
So Beyoncé cleaned up at this year's MTV Europe Music Awards in Berlin winning Best Song ("Halo"), Best Female Singer and Best Video Clip ("Single Ladies"). 2009 has been a banner year for the rich man's Kelly Rowland but I think she officially planted her flag at the summit of pop superstardom in Germany last night. And I'm not talking about her swag of prizes. Few award show performances make any kind of real impact on popular culture (Britney's "Gimme More" debacle at the 2007 MTV Music Awards did for all the wrong reasons) and even fewer are regarded as genuinely iconic (Kylie's legendary "Can't Get Blue Monday Out Of My Head" at the 2002 Brits comes to mind) but that's the only description that fits Beyoncé stunning performance of "Sweet Dreams".
Speaking of Kylie, Beyoncé reminds me a lot of Dannii's slightly more successful sibling circa 2001-2002. She's at the height of her physical beauty, comes across as sexy rather than sordid despite wearing outfits that a PCD stripper would reject and is currently riding a once in a career wave of momentum. The "Sweet Dreams" live extravaganza demonstrates this perfectly. Most of the press has concentrated on Beyoncé's eye popping red lingerie (which The Prophet amusingly describes as a cross between Vanity 6 and the star of Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers - one of my all time favourite movies!) but this performance is about so much more than an incredibly sexy outfit. There's the beautiful nursery rhyme intro performed inside a red satin heart, pounding militaristic drums, a catwalk strut at approximately 1:50 mins that would make Miss Jay cry tears of joy, pitch perfect vocals and the some of the fiercest choreography I've seen in years (see 2:50 minutes for proof). Say what you like about Beyoncé - she is the complete package and currently makes the rest of the pop world look second rate. All hail the new Queen.
It's kind of scary how much my opinion of Beyoncé has changed since the release of "If I Were A Boy"/"Single Ladies" in the middle of last year. I'd always enjoyed her singles but never really made it the whole way through an album without falling asleep and was genuinely mystified by her incredible success. After all, everyone knows that Kelly and Michelle were the talented ones in Destiny's Child! Things finally clicked for me with "Sasha Fierce", which I think is pretty close to the perfect urban pop album and have basically transformed into a hardcore Bey stan. Even so, I wasn't expecting to enjoy her concert nearly as much as I did. I love her "Beyoncé Experience" live DVD and have watched it several dozen times but still found it a little boring in places. Well, I can't fault a single aspect of the "I Am…" tour. About half way through the concert I told my friend that I thought it was one of the best shows I'd ever seen and by the end of it, I was struggling to think of a better performance. Kylie puts on a bigger extravaganza, Pink is more acrobatic, Madonna was a better dancer and Barbra Streisand's voice is in a league of its own but Beyoncé pulls all four skills together better than anyone else. This post reviews the show on Friday the 19th of September at Sydney's Acer Arena. I took the pics myself (as you can probably tell).
Before I get on with reviewing the concert, I guess I should say a little something about the support acts - Jessica Mauboy and Flo Rida. Everyone knows I'm a huge fan of Jess and she proved yet again why she's currently one of the country's biggest pop stars. Her voice was in fine form and she's learning to use the stage a lot better than the last time I saw her but I have to get this off my chest. Can Sony please hire her a new stylist? Jessica is the proverbial girl next door, dressing her like a common whore - complete with thigh high vinyl fuck me boots straight from the bargain bin at Adult World - just makes her look ridiculous. Apart from that, it was a fun little showcase. I wish I could say the same for Flo Rida, who spent most of his excruciatingly long set throwing towels, shoes and jewelry into the crowd. I would have gone for a piss but I didn't want to lose my spot at the front of the stage. Things finally picked up when they started playing a Solange medley over the PA to warm up the audience (international $ucce$$ at last!) but by 9pm I was very ready for her big sister to take the stage.
I had chills when Beyoncé finally opened the show with the first verse of "Déjà Vu" and they just kept on multiplying when she burst into "Crazy In Love". The first thing that grabs you about Beyoncé is how breathtakingly beautiful she is person. I seriously got wood when she strutted down the stage in her gold Tierry Mugler corset. She was accompanied by a half naked man, so I'm giving myself the benefit of the doubt! Speaking of the stage, it was pretty simple - just a huge screen, a cat walk and her band. It was actually refreshing to see a show focus on the performer instead of trying to distract from their shortcomings with special effects and explosions. Next on the setlist was an extremely sexy rendition of "Naughty Girl" followed by two of the highlights from "B'Day". I was very happily surprised to hear the amazing #1 single that never was "Freakum Dress" live and positively beside myself when she performed "Get Me Bodied", which is one of my all time favourite Beyoncé songs. Her dancers even did the Naomi Campbell walk!
The next segment perfectly illustrates where Beyoncé has matured and developed as an artist over the past year. She's always been at home belting out catchy club bangers but I'm loving the softer, more organic side that's emerged recently. "Smash Into You" is one of the many highlights on "Sasha Fierce" and it sounds even better live. Beyoncé's voice really is a thing of beauty when she's not trying to oversing the lyrics like Leona Lewis and Celine Dion. I think she's finally realised that and turned the vocal gymnastics down a notch. In one of the concert's most fabulous over the top diva moments, she changes into a completely ridiculous see through wedding dress to perform a medley of Sarah McLachlan's "Angel" and "Ave Maria". The former was a nice surprise and the latter gave me a whole new appreciation for a song I've strangely chosen to ignore until now.
The concert then completely switched gears when Beyoncé brings sexy back in a tiny leather mini skirt to belt out a pitch perfect rendition of "If I Were A Boy". The song is given a slightly surreal rock twist by mashing it with Alanis Morrisette's "You Outta Know". Hearing Bey sing "Are you thinking of me when you fuck her?" was one of the highlights of my night! A video interlude of the diva battling a leopard (while dressed in little more than body paint) to the soundtrack of "Sweet Dreams" is visually breathtaking but I really would have preferred to see her perform it on stage. After a quick costume change, Beyoncé returned to belt out "Diva" - my least favourite song from "Sasha Fierce". I don't know if it was the fabulous bikini with headlights outfit or just hearing the crowd sing along to the ridiculous lyrics but I really enjoyed it and have been playing the track at home ever since. I'll have to edit my previous nasty comments because I think I'm finally under its tragic spell. The next song is a completely different story. "Radio" is the best track Rihanna has never released and needs to be the album's next single. It's criminal to waste something this catchy and poptastic. The segment finished on a high by revisiting one of my favourite tracks from "Dangerously In Love" - the highly underrated "Me, Myself & I", which Beyoncé dedicated to all the high and dry, desperate bitches in the audience. Bless.
After ditching the headlights, Bey performed her fabulous ode to monster cocks otherwise known as "Ego". Interestingly, it was the Kanye West remix. Next up was the great but strangely ignored "Sasha Fierce" track "Hello". I really love the lyrics and think it would have made a much better single than "Broken Hearted Girl". It was then time for a new costume, which allowed Beyoncé's buxom backing singers to take over the stage. I don't think I've ever enjoyed a costume change more in my entire life. Someone needs to give The Mamas their own record deal - they are utterly amazing in their own right. Speaking of amazingness, Beyoncé then re-appeared in a gold dress and was wrapped in harness before being hoisted above the crowd on wires. Seeing the rich man's Solange perform spins in mid-air while singing "Baby Boy" was one of the night's most spectacular moments.
My favourite part of the show took place after Bey landed on the runway and started interacting with the crowd. I know Beyoncé has a reputation for being fake but there was something undeniably real about this segment. Few performers look like they're enjoying themselves so thoroughly and it was a thrill being so close to a true superstar. Hearing the crowd loudly sing along to "Irreplaceable" was strangely touching, while "Check On It" is one of those songs I never go out of my way to listen to but always enjoy when I hear it. That tune was followed by a medley of Destiny's Child's hits, which almost brought the house down. I love it that Beyoncé embraces her past unlike some other divas I could mention. I thought the next song - "Upgrade U" was a strange choice but it was fun to hear one of the more obscure "B'Day" album tracks. Things got more than a little sexy when Bey broke into "Videophone", another piece of "Sasha Fierce" filler that has grown on me a lot over the past year. The segment ended with Beyoncé performing "Say My Name" to an audience member. All in all it was probably the best 20 minutes of any concert I've ever seen.
By the time Bey returned to perform "At Last" (complete with footage from Barack Obama's inauguration), the show had already been going for almost 2 hours and she was yet to miss a single note or dance move. Beyoncé really is pop music's ultimate professional, which strangely is the reason I think so many people hate her. She's simply better than their faves. "Dreamgirls" finally got a look in with a fabulous rendition of "Listen" but the biggest highlight was still to come. I loved seeing all the "Single Ladies" youtube videos on the big screen but watching Beyoncé perform the "Single Ladies" dance was something I'll never forget. She had the entire audience singing along and doing the hand shake. I get why Kanye dropped his bundle at the MTV Awards. I love Taylor Swift but "Single Ladies" is a true pop culture phenomenon. For the big finale, Bey performed an extended version of "Halo", which she dedicated to Michael Jackson before inviting a child on stage and singing the song to her. It was extremely cheesy and I'm not sure it's entirely tasteful to sing lyrics like "I hope you don't fade away" to a young girl obviously suffering from cancer but it was clearly heartfelt and all the people around me were crying, so maybe I'm just being a horrible cynic. Anyway, it was little more than a tiny blip on probably the best concert performance I've ever seen. Fingers crossed they release this on DVD because I already know what I want for Christmas!
After receiving a barrage of emails over the "shit song choices" last week, I thought I'd go mainstream this time around and just include a bunch of the biggest new releases laced with a touch of trash to keep me sane. The selection actually contains two of my favourite songs of 2009 but naturally neither of them won. Not that I'm particularly disappointed with the outcome. I think the winner is a fantastic song by a great act on the verge of a major breakthrough. The following bloggers helped determine our classy single of the week:
Unfortunately Tommie was too drunk to take part this week but I've been lucky enough to snag a fabulous celebrity guest judge to take his place. Marc Massive is perhaps best known as the lead singer of UK electro/NRG band Massive Ego but he's become an cult icon in his own right due to his constantly evolving image and outrageous videos. Marc has also modelled for the likes of Dolce & Gabbana and worked as a backing dancer for Boy George. Basically, he's a true pop trash icon and I thought I'd ask him a few questions about Massive Ego's new single and his celebrity connections before getting on with the voting:
Your band's new single "Master & Servant" wasreviewed by the Pop Panellast week and drew some rather unkind comments. D'Luv likened you to "Pete Burns' slumped over carcass", while Tommie felt "aurally raped". How do you respond? We received a worse battering on the Depeche Mode forum where they were all set to burn effigies of us and stick pins into voodoo dolls. The Pop Panel was a walk in the park in comparison! The Pete Burns reference is always going to happen, visually I wouldn't say we're alike, but perhaps my voice has his tone and I wear make-up. He's a mate of mine anyway, in the early days of Massive Ego they (Dead Or Alive) were kind enough to lend us their electric drum kit for a show at Heaven and Pete approved of our cover of "My Heart Goes Bang". He's definitely been an inspiration over the years.
"Master & Servant" has a strong fetish theme. Are you heavily into that scene? I do own a pair of chaps, although I've never worn them in the traditional manner of everything hanging loose! It's never been a scene I've got into personally, but have worked in some fairly seedy places in my time including a few happy years stint as a coat check girl in an infamous London 'yellow hanky' club so I'm not easily offended or shocked. The whole S&M dress up thing is just like another form of drag really but minus the wigs and make-up. Covering "Master & Servant" and the B-side "Sex Drive" just fitted with the overtly sexual imagery attached to the single. The single sleeve design actually had a big cock featured on it until the label had a re-think!
It's hard enough being a gay pop star but being an openly gay alternative cult pop star is something of a feat. Did you find it difficult to find your niche? I suppose coming out of the London gay club scene, in particular the more dress up clubs of old like 'Kinky Gerlinky', 'The Daisy Chain' and 'Pyramid', that's where I learnt who I was and got my first breaks. I like dressing up too much to try and hide being gay and nor would I want to. The "cult" aspect of the band I suppose comes out of the fact that we look the way we do, and when on the rare occasion we do a live gig it's more of a performance rather than just turning up in jeans & t-shirt with a backing track. I think our next album will surprise a lot of people who just put us in the "covers band" bracket. We have covered a lot of tracks in the past but we also write and record our own material which unfortunately has tended to take a back seat in the past due to the nature of the labels we have been signed to. I'm excited now about working with Dance Street/ZYX in Germany as they seem keen to hear everything we do rather than just covers.
Is it true you worked as one of Boy George's backing dancers in the 90s? Did you have to sit on his casting couch? No I don't think I was ever his cup of tea in those days, as I wore nearly as much make-up as he did and that's not a turn on for either of us. It was a great character building period working with him and I got to do some amazing gigs. It also gave me the drive, desire and inspiration to do my own band and music so I've got a lot to thank him for.
Which mainstream pop stars float your boat? I've always been a major Duranie (much to George's amusement at the time) they are the perfect pop group. And anybody that knows me knows my unhealthy Nick Rhodes obsession. I've really got into Patrick Wolf since his recent "Vulture" track and of all the new breed of artists he's probably one of the most talented and creative I've seen. I'm also really proud of Dan Black, who's becoming quite a name to watch here in the UK and who was originally a member of Massive Ego in the late 90s when we had guitarists and were an indie pop band. I like pop stars to act like pop stars and be slightly removed from reality, have a mystique about them and be untouchable, something that all these X Factor reality types just don't have in my view. They are just churning them out now all pre-packaged with a barcode stuck to their heads only to be dropped after one album, so what's the point in even becoming a fan or starting to collect merchandise for these artists? Although we've never crossed over to mass market appeal, or become a household name, I'm still releasing CDs, making videos and doing the odd show 10 years later - granted not as prolifically as I'd like but least it is still on my terms.
The Double A side single "Master & Servant/Sex Drive" is released in October on German label Dance Street and will be available to download from all the usual sites. Make sure you check out the fabulous "Master & Servant" video below: As usual the songs are ranked from least to most popular.
D'Luv: See, now I'm conflicted. Jordin seems really sweet, but this boring trash makes me want to kick her in the pussy. 2/5 Marc Massive: I don't think that works at all. It's neither one song nor the other. She should have taken a leaf out of the Sugababes/ Richard X "Freak Like Me" book and maybe not relied on such a big chunk of "Let The Music Play" to fill out her own rather bland song. Didn't flick my switch I'm afraid. 1/5 Mike: It's a crime to blend a true 80s classic into something this dull and generic. Someone needs to do us all a favour and pull the plug on Jordin's career once and for all. 1/5 Paul: Como se nota la inspiración del "SOS"/"Disturbia" de Rihanna. Is it Rihanna tribute week or what?! I mean I like this, but it's generic dance pop and I think Jordin can do so much better. She even took the by the numbers "Battlefield" and made it something quite delightful. Very disappointed in this. 2/5 Poster Girl: I really expected this to be a J.R. Rotem track: sample - '80s sample, no less - put into a modern dance-pop beat. It isn't, though, and maybe that's something we should be thankful for: far surpassing his recent output, it might just be one of the best mainstream-geared, pure fun dance-pop single we Americans have had a female singer deliver to us since Rotem's own similarly-titled song for Rihanna. 5/5 Rob: Written by 6 people and produced the mighty Cutfather of Denmark. Is it any good? Yeah, it's pretty epic and it totally knows it is. 4/5 Total: 15/30
D'Luv: You know it's hopeless when your song is so boring, Jordin Sparks seems avant garde by comparison. 1/5 Marc Massive: Now strike me down with lightning, but I don't own a single Beyonce record and can't see me ever doing so to be honest, it's just not my kind of music. This track washed over me much like the waves in the video. Yeah she can sing, yeah she's stunning... but the passion for this kind of R'n'B ballad slush just isn't there for me. 1.5/5 Mike: All the Beyoncé haters to the left, to the left. There are much better songs on the album ("Disappear", "Hello" and "That's Why You're Beautiful" come to mind) but this is still rather lovely. 4/5 Paul: 7 singles! Who is she? Janet Jackson? See her wipe away the tears at the beginning?! Amazing acting. This is one of the best videos of all time! The song is ok too... 3/5 Poster Girl: With a couple of exceptions, I count Beyoncé's voice as a negative on my pro/con lists for her songs, so it's telling that here it's one of the least objectionable parts of a song I'll forget moments after it's over. Of course, I still might like it more if someone else sang it. Has "Scared Of Lonely" been a single yet? Sounds like a demo, but sounds better than this. 1/5 Rob: As with every B song that appears on the Pop Panel, I come at it with very biased opinions. I can't stand her voice. She simply grates on me. So, she has a mountain to climb. How does she do with this? Very well. It seems all that over the top mess I am used to with her music has been put to one side and the beautiful simplicity of the song shines through making this one of Beyonce's greatest songs of her career. It's not a screamer. It's more subtle than that which is the key to its success. 5/5 Total: 15.5/30
One of the dual lead singles from Whitney's comeback album.
D'Luv: Yeah, honey. And I'm lookin' the other way. 1/5 Marc Massive: No budget video, minimal production... no need for all that razzmatazz it's Whitney bloody Houston darling... the diva, the voice, the legend. For all the comments about her voice not being what it was I still think this lady has what her countless wannabe imitators can only dream of, and that's star quality in abundance and I for one am glad she's made it through the troubled years that she's singing about and regained her rightful crown. This is a lighter out, swaying from side to side, feel good, glad to be alive, power ballad which The X-Factor TV producers would kill for as the winner's track, and that I can imagine is being turned into an Almighty Records dance cover as we speak. 4/5 Mike: Timeless and beautiful. It's far from the best track on the album but I think the message is fitting, her voice sounds great and the production is understated and elegant. 4/5 Paul: Ah whitters. How many first singles is she going to have from this album?! Again this is one of her uplifting ballads and jolly nice it is too. I for one am glad Whitney is back, find her quite lovely all over again and am now eagerly anticipating her doing a storming dance routine for the video of "A Song For You" (which will officially be a crime if not released as a single). 3.5/5 Poster Girl: Whitney's comeback album has some great songs on it... but this isn't one of them. You can see where this song would be a crowd-pleaser live, but in studio, there's no magic, just a striving-to-be-adequate ballad. 1.5/5 Rob: I know Whitney can produce much better than this. A nice ballad that the likes of Leona and Mariah would consider having as a b-side. 3/5 Total: 17/30
Sexy Spaniard and sometime gayer unveils his latest single.
D'Luv: Is anyone really this gay, you ask. Why, yes — Jose Galisteo! 3/5 Marc Massive: Yeah...I love a bit of Europop. This translates as "Logically No" but surely it would have been more logical for Jose to be cavorting around with another Enrique/Ricky look-a-like in the video, not a blonde babe or is that just wishful thinking on my behalf? I like this, it sticks to a tried and tested formula, does what it says on the tin, and doesn’t pretend to be anything other than a great little Euro-pop song. 3.5/5 Mike: I loved Jose's trashy debut album but it's nice to see him try something a bit different - ie. not destroy an 80s classic. "Logicamente No" is pretty forgettable but hopefully he has more up his super gay sleeve. 3/5 Paul: Como se nota la inspiración del "Don't Stop The Music" de Rihanna (which is about as Spanish as I can manage). I'm surprised by how much I like this considering it's ye olde Eurotrash I've heard a million times before. I can only put it down to the fact that I'm off to Gran Canaria in a few weeks so bound to here this in Bar Tubos, and also I'm shallow and I think Jose looks quite fine in the video. 3.5/5 Poster Girl: Spain's dance cover-prone former Operación Triunfo contestant returns with original material which I've seen drawing more than a few comparisons to Rihanna's "Don't Stop The Music." If that beat is similar, though, the catchy (well, mainly catchy in the two lines that give the song its title, but I get those two lines stuck in my head more than I expected) vocal melody is different enough that I can enjoy the song on its own. 3.5/5. Rob: I am a huge fan of Jose and have been waiting for his much delayed album for yonks. However this chunky clunky slice of europop is pretty awful. The video is perhaps the worst video of the year. Very disappointing. I thought his album was going to be an automatic purchase for me but with this I am not so sure. 1/5 Total: 17.5/30
María José - No Soy Una Señora (Above)
A massive hit in her native Mexico, María is now trying her luck in the US with this catchy cover of an 80s classic.
D'Luv: I'm glad that after all that exposure on D Listed, La Pequeña got a record deal. 4/5 Marc Massive: I'm showing my ignorance now as I haven't a clue what 80s track this is meant to be a cover of and I thought I was an 80s aficionado. I like the video... Maria taking a shower fully clothed is always going to be a teenage boy's wet dream, but perhaps this is just a distraction from the fact that the song ain't all that. It's not horrible just not memorable for me. 2/5 Mike: Maria's album of 80s cover versions is a triumph and this is one of the many standout tracks. The production owes a lot to Katy Perry's "I Kissed A Girl" and "Hot 'N' Cold" but I adore the chorus and the sleazy, low budget video extavaganza. One question though - is Maria saying she's not a lady or not a woman? Judging from the film clip, I'm leaning towards the latter. 5/5 Paul: Is it the video or is the song just really badly produced? It sounds like someone has played a backing tape and she is just singing over the top of it! I'm not really feeling this at all, and don't want to waste any more words on it. Oh the chorus is quite good though. 2/5 Poster Girl: This is a cover of an '80s song? Are we sure it's not a cover of "Hot N Cold"? Oh, wait, now the chorus has gone all explosive pop-rock. Either María's singing or the song's production in the verses sounds amateurish, which is a shame; there's a good idea here, but it's not being helped by the song itself. 2.5/5 Rob: Wow. Very, very weak verses. I thought perhaps with this cover she might adapt it somehow so they're not so boring. And it takes a lifetime until the chorus arrives. But when it does it's like a sublime deliverance. Another awful video but I'll let that slip because I Love the high heels at the end. 3/5 Total: 18.5/30
Australian icon steals Pink's Swedish producers (and thunder) for her latest lesbian anthem.
D'Luv: Quick, Paul—stuff your lady taco in Vanessa's mouth so she'll stop singing! 1/5 Marc Massive: The best bit in the song is the cut up 'Lene Lovitch' like vocal parts. It's certainly rockin' on all cylinders but the tank is empty for me. And as Shania Twain whom Vanessa reminds me of once said "That Don't Impress Me Much". I, like the whole world, loved "Absolutely Everybody" but I don't think this is destined to follow suit. 2/5 Mike: Ness Ness returns with one of 2009's catchiest pop jams. I love her new electro-rock sound and really think it shows up the likes of Pink and Kelly Clarkson. But what the hell happened with the video? It's the cheapest piece of shit I've seen all year and the styling is appalling. Anyway, fantastic song. 5/5 Paul: Love, love, love the VanAm. She just keeps ploughing on doesn't she? Yes this is a bit P!nk and a bit angry Kelly Clarkson, but it's a rather brilliant 100mph sing a long anthem and she does it very well indeed. Plus it's a bit of a fuck you song and I do like those! 4/5 Poster Girl: "This Is Who I Am" may share musical creators with Pink's "Stupid Girls," but unlike that excuse-for-a-memorable-video half-song, Vanessa's single has a good topline to go with it. What should be generic female fronted pop-rock ends up being a song Kelly Clarkson's latest album would have been better off if it had. 4/5 Rob: Okay the verses drag on and it takes some time to get to that killer chorus but it's a great song. Love this. 4/5 Total: 20/30
Laura's less talented sister finally gets around to releasing the lead single from her 4th album.
D'Luv: Is this about her ex-husband, whatshisname from Silverchair? If so, I salute him for shaking Natalie out of her dull guitar dirges. Good song, nice tits. 4/5 Marc Massive: Danni Minogue, sorry Natalie Imbruglia just doesn't age does she? "Want" kind of plods along in an inoffensive manor and benefits from an over-use of the chorus, there's no escaping it after just one listen which is surely the sign of a catchy hook line. Certainly more easy on the ear than the first cut "Wild About It". I'm sure the track will benefit from some full on dance mixes. 3/5 Mike: Natalie usually bores the hell out of me but I quite like her first attempt at electro-pop. The passive aggressive lyrics and slutty video are particularly enjoyable. 3.5/5 Paul: You know, I didn't even know her sister was doing music! It's always been about Nats for me partly because she seems to get around a bit in the bedhopping way and also because my other half loves her, so much like Agnes, I get her music rammed down my throat. I do think she always manages to produce elegant classy pop and I like her hypnotic groove on this one. Looking forward to the album. 4/5 Poster Girl: Oh, boy, this is the sort of song I want to rave about as a stunning disco reinvention... but, much as the song is almost endlessly interesting as a topic of conversation, I can't get over the feeling it's melodically half-baked. Still, the idea is good enough to carry the song to a... 4/5. Rob: So she's jumping on the electro bandwagon. And yet, it sounds so half-hearted. While I can't wait for the album, "Want" sounds so boring. Indeed, it is wanting. A good try though. 3/5 Total: 21.5/30
SINGLE OF THE WEEK
Dragonette - Pick Up The Phone (Below)
Canada's coolest band debut their new track.
D'Luv: Really great jam! The only thing that would have made the video better is if we got to see them chew tit in the locker room. 4.5/5 Marc Massive: I like Martina the singer... she's an uber kewl popster. Dragonette are the sort of band that it's kewl to like yet perhaps destined to remain a secret unless you're in the know. I think of them as being one of the leading lights of the electro pop Nu wave movement with previous tracks "I Get Around" and "Boys & Girls" being good examples. The new album's title track "Fixin To Thrill" carried on the electro style, yet this new release seems to go off on a more guitar led pop direction and because of that, loses my interest a bit as I'm a sucker for synths, bleeps & analogue which is a shame as the actual lyrics and song are quite good. 3.5/5 Mike: Lovely. Pretty and poetic electro-pop done with style and panache. I think this is Dragonette's most commercial single by far and I really hope it's their big breakthrough. 4.5/5 Paul: This is one of those bands that I sort of feel should be a massive worldwide hit by now and releasing a greatest hits or something. This will do nicely instead. It's powerful pop rather than power pop or aggressive pop, it makes it's statement and gets the job done with some nice melody and a decent beat. 4/5 Poster Girl: Synth-pop-rock - emphasis on the synths here - lusciousness from Canada? More, please. 80s influences are commonplace now, but Dragonette do everything right here. 4/5 Rob: I think this is the kinda pop I think Natalie was trying to produce with "Want". There is something Garbage/"Cherry Lips" about "Pick Up The Phone". Which is great thing as I loved that. 4/5 Total: 24.5/30
"I told you she didn't have a dick" quips a guard after throwing Lady GaGa in her prison cell. So begins the most highly anticipated music video in recent history. Yes people, "Telephone" is finally here! After months of delays, the 9 and a half minute Jonas Åkerlund directed opus has just hit the web and it's everything I could have hoped for. The lovingly sleazy homage to 70s sexploitation movies picks up where "Paparazzi" left off. GaGa has landed in gaol but makes the most of her free time by making out with hot dykes and posing naked in crime scene tape. Basically your average episode of Cell Block H with higher production values! Things heat up when a super sexy Beyoncé bails our heroine out and they go on a Thelma & Louise inspired killing spree.
