The ARIAs - Shit As Usual

My future husband Andy Bull - Robbed of ARIA glory!

So this year's ARIA nominations (Australia's equivalent to the Grammies) have just been announced and all the usual suspects are heavily represented. Seriously, if you're the overhyped product of a major record label, specialise in indie rock or are simply a pretentious singer-songwriter with an alternative haircut then chances are you're going home with a swag of awards. Don't get me wrong. I'm not going to argue with The Temper Trap, Empire Of The Sun or even Kate Miller-Heidke snagging a bunch of nominations but Sarah Blasko, Eskimo Joe and AC/DC? Bitch, please. Why not just nominate Missy Higgins for whatever vomit inducing "masterpiece" she's currently working on/squeezing out of her arsehole? I guess pop music will never be recognised in this country so I've decided to come up with my own nominees. I know some of my choices are not eligible (due to release dates) but here goes:

ALBUM OF THE YEAR

AC/DC - Black Ice
Sarah Blasko - As Day Follows Night
Empire Of The Sun - Walking On A Dream
Eskimo Joe - Inshalla
The Temper Trap - Conditions

How depressing is this category? I have a sinking feeling that Sarah Blasko's cure for insomnia will win but I have my fingers crossed that Empire Of The Sun or The Temper Trap snatch it from her.

MY PICKS

Ladyhawke - Ladyhawke
Shelley Harland - Red Leaf
Sneaky Sound System - 2
Andy Bull - We're Too Young
Lisa Mitchell - Wonder
Jessica Mauboy - Been Waiting
Empire Of The Sun - Empire Of The Sun
Bertie Blackman - Secrets And Lies
Dash & Will - Up In Something

NZ acts are clearly eligible, so where is Ladyhawke? People actually bought her album. Speaking of commercial success, why isn't Jessica Mauboy being rewarded for being the closest thing this country currently has to an authentic pop star? The lack of respect shown to Sneaky Sound System's stunning sophomore album is just rude, while Bertie Blackman has taken things to the next level with "Secrets And Lies". At least she snagged a best "Independent Album" nomination - poor Andy Bull's brilliant debut was completely ignored as was Shelley Harland's gorgeous "Red Leaf". That's not even touching on the injustice of Dash & Will's "Up In Something" being overlooked despite being the best teenage guitar-pop album released in recent memory.

SINGLE OF THE YEAR

Empire Of The Sun - Walking On A Dream
Hilltop Hoods - Chase That Feeling
Ladyhawke - My Delirium
Kate Miller-Heidke - The Last Day On Earth
The Tempter Trap - Sweet Disposition

This is one of the few categories I can't really criticise. "Walking On A Dream", "Sweet Disposition", "My Delirium" and "The Last Day On Earth" are all exquisite. "Chase That Feeling" isn't exactly my cup of tea but it's catchy as hell and perhaps the only example of local hip hop that broke through to the mainstream.


OTHER WORTHY CANDIDATES

Andy Bull - Small Town Girl
Vanessa Amorosi - This Is Who I Am
Zoë Badwi - Release Me
Amy Pearson - Butterfingers
Bertie Blackman - Byrds Of Prey
Liena - Go Crazy
Jessica Mauboy - Been Waiting
Mandy Kane - 25 Seconds
Ricki Lee - Don't Miss You
Samantha Jade - Secret
Lisa Mitchell - Coin Laundry
@m8er - Kill That Bitch
TV ROCK ft Rudy - In The Air
Kylie - Chiggy Wiggy
Evermore - Hey Boys And Girls (Truth Of The World)
Lenka - The Show
Natalie Imbruglia - Want
Bluejuice - Broken Leg
Bag Raiders - Shooting Stars
Sneaky Sound System - I Will Be Here
The Vanish - Heartbeat
Nikki Webster - Devilicious

This is such a tough category. I think the ARIA voters actually did a pretty good job - with the obvious exception of forgetting "Small Town Girl", which is one of my favourite Australian singles of all time. I also think Jessica Mauboy was hard done by seeing as she is the only local artist regularly scoring top ten hits and has delivered a couple of top notch singles in the form of "Burn" and "Been Waiting". Zoë Badwi's massive club hit "Release Me" deserved some recognition, while Bag Raiders' breakthrough single is a true thing of a beauty. Another glaring omission is Lisa Mitchell's "Coin Laundry", which remains one of 2009's quirkiest pop songs. With any luck Vanessa's amazing pop anthem (currently #1 on iTunes!) will get a nod next year.

BEST FEMALE ARTIST

Sarah Blasko - As Day Follows Night
Ladyhawke - Ladyhawke
Jessica Mauboy - Been Waiting
Kate Miller-Heidke - Curiouser
Lisa Mitchell - Wonder

With the exception of Sarah Blasko, this is pretty spot on. I used to hate Kate Miller-Heidke but "The Last Day On Earth" has made me a late convert and Lisa Mitchell's album is as beautiful as it is odd. Both Ladyhawke and Jessica Mauboy both featured heavily in my best of 2008 countdown, so it's nice to see them getting some props.


OTHER WORTHY CANDIDATES

Shelley Harland
Bertie Blackman
Lenka
Samantha Jade
Kylie

There should be legislation in place to ensure Kylie is nominated every year even when she doesn't release anything. On a more serious note, I think Shelley Harland and Bertie Blackman were robbed and Lenka should get some sort of recognition for her international success. As should Samantha Jade, who continues to proudly fly the flag in LA (despite never having had a hit!) and even appears as a featured vocalist (on an iTunes bonus track) on David Guetta's smash hit album. $ucce$$!!!

BEST MALE ARTIST

Paul Dempsey - Everything Is True
Bob Evans - Goodnight, Bull Creek
Daniel Merriweather - Love And War
Josh Pyke - Chimney's Afire
CW Stoneking - Jungle Blue

Now this is completely fucking dire. I guess Daniel deserves some recognition for selling records in the UK but apart from being a hot piece he doesn't do much for me. No comment about the other nobodies.


OTHER SUGGESTIONS

Andy Bull
Brecik
Jason Singh

Poor Andy Bull. Are you cunts telling me he doesn't have more to offer than Josh Pyke, Bob Evans and Paul Dempsey? I don't even know who C.W. Stoneking is and I really don't want to! The pickings for this category are pretty slim but I would have thrown a nomination Brecik's way for shits and giggles, while Jason Singh sounded pretty good on Todd Watson's "World As You Know It". Where's John Farnham when you need him?

BEST GROUP

AC/DC
The Drones
Empire Of The Sun
Eskimo Joe
Hilltop Hoods

This line up represents everything wrong about the Australian music scene. Fingers crossed that sanity prevails and Empire Of The Sun win.


MY PICKS

Empire Of The Sun
Bag Raiders
The Temper Trap
RAEN
Dash & Will
The Vanish

With Australian electro currently making waves around the globe, it seems appropriate that some of our best proponents of that genre (such as Bag Raiders and The Vanish) get some recognition. The Temper Trap should get a nod for the brilliance of "Sweet Disposition" alone. As for the other nominees, I think Dash & Will are the unsung heroes of 2009. They have released an amazing album and a string of great singles and noone seems to give a shit. I just hope they hurry up and release "Too Young Too Dumb" and finally achieve the commerical success they so richly deserve. Oh and RAEN should get something for carrying on in the face of constant failure.

BREAKTHROUGH ARTIST - SINGLE

Art Vs Science - Art Vs Science
Bluejuice - Broken Leg
Ladyhawke - My Delirium
Jessica Mauboy - Running Back Feat. Flo Rida
Lisa Mitchell - Coin Laundry

I love all these songs. Congratulations to the ARIA committee for getting it right.


OTHER WORTHY CONTENDERS

Zoë Badwi - Release Me
Bag Raiders - Shooting Stars
Liena - Go Crazy
@m8er - Kill That Bitch

Dance music is always underappreciated but Australia's new Queen of dance should be applauded for spending 7 weeks at #1 on the club chart. Liena's "Go Crazy" is the closest an Australian will ever get to sounding like Rihanna and probably would have been a massive hit if it got any kind of promotion. The same goes for "Shooting Stars", which I'm pretty confident will get a much better reception in Europe than at home. As for @m8er, well I think she'll have the last laugh. Her album promises to be amazing.

BREAKTHROUGH ARTIST - ALBUM

Ladyhawke - Ladyhawke
Jessica Mauboy - Been Waiting
Lisa Mitchell - Wonder
C.W. Stoneking - Jungle Blues
The Temper Trap - Conditions

Who the hell is C.W. Stoneking and how can it be a breakthrough album if NOONE has ever heard of him? The rest of the choices are pretty spot on.


THESE POOR BITCHES WERE ROBBED

Andy Bull - We're Too Young
Shelley Harland - Red Leaf
Dash & Will - Up In Something

I know I sound like a broken record but these are three of my favourite albums of 2009. Andy captures the spirit of 70s soul in a way that Daniel Merriweather could only dream of and has pretty much come up with the soundtrack to (what remains of) my youth! Shelley's opus has provided me with so much comfort and joy this year. Her music is raw, honest and beautiful. "Panic To Control" is my new personal mantra, while I sent "Clouds Disappear" to a special someone because it said everything I was feeling but couldn't express in words. I've ranted enough about Dash & Will but it really is a great album. "Fighting Over Nothing", "Save Me" and "Some Like It Hot" are homegrown guitar pop at its finest.

AWARD FOR SPECIAL ACHIEVEMENT IN POP TRASH

Amy Pearson - Butterfingers
Nikki Webster - Devilicious
@m8er - Kill That Bitch
The Wiggles & Kylie - Monkey Man
Samantha Jade - Secret

I thought I'd finish up with a category of my own. I find it hard to define "pop trash" but all these amazing anthems convey the essence of this website. Amy because of her utter desperation and sleazy lyrics. Nikki because she's a child star turned FHM glamour model. @m8er because she doesn't give a shit. Kylie for having a sense of humour. And finally Samantha Jade for dressing like a porn star and spending her video clip (below) trying to turn an arrested homosexual. Respect ladies!

Pop Panel - Week 18

Welcome to possibly the weirdest Pop Panel yet. I'm not really talking about the song selection (although it is very random) but the judging. There's always a broad spectrum of opinion but we usually agree on a couple of tracks. Not this week. There were a lot of 5/5 ratings - albeit all for different artists! It's probably my fault. This is the first time I've just submitted 8 songs that I really like without any consideration for big new releases and hyped tracks. My taste is notoriously... eclectic, so I should have expected something like this! Anyway, I really love the winner and think she's a true Pop Trash Addicts diva. The following bloggers helped determine our deserving champion:

D'Luv (US) writer of Chart Rigger
Mike (Aus) author of this classy blog.
Paul (UK) writer of Fizzy Pop
Poster Girl (US) writer of Poster Girl
Rob (UK) writer of Don't Stop The Pop
Tommie (Sweden) writer of Donna Martin Graduates

Even more exciting is the participation of one of my favourite Australian divas - the fierce and fabulous Robyn Loau. Robyn has featured on my blog many, many times over the years and I'm proud to welcome her as a celebrity guest judge. In case you've been living under a rock or are 12 years old, Robyn first came to fame in Australia as part of the legendary girlband Girlfriend. Take a walk down memory lane and check out their stunning #1 hit "Take It From Me". When those ladies parted ways (random fact - Siobhan is now a pole dancing instructor!), Robyn embarked upon her solo career and delivered one of the seminal pop tracks of the late 90s, the still amazing "Sick With Love". The diva's latest offering is a very unexpected change of pace. Robyn has teamed up with Josh Abrahams (of "Addicted To Bass" fame) for a dance track about the Columbine high school shootings! The song comes from Robyn's forthcoming second solo album. Check out the brilliant clip below and download it from iTunes now.

I guess, it's time to get on with the judging. As usual the songs are listed from least to most popular.

Djumbo – Summertime In Dubai (Video)

This popular Dutch girlband filmed their video on location in... Morocco!

D'Luv: This makes that worthless hooker who sang "My Ass" sound like Maria Callas. 0/5
Mike: It's so refreshing to see a group of happy-go-lucky sluts dance around to a tacky party anthem without being styled to within an inch of their lives. I love them! 3.5/5
Paul: I'm not really sure what to make of this. It sounds a bit dated and a lot like something else but I can't really put my finger on what. It's still a million times more interesting than the Saturdays comeback song so it gets a 3/5.
Poster Girl: Most of the Panel is going to hate this, aren't they? 3/5
Rob: I love Djumbo but Caracola got there first. This is sweet though. I'm not sure this is gonna travel well though with stories in the press regarding the relative strict religious regulations on parties. Nice attempt though. I would have picked Majorca though. They don't tend lock up gays there. 2/5
Robyn Loau: This track & video clip really gives me an insight to what it would be like to be blonde, skinny (with a sugar daddy)..."PARTY PARTY HO"!! 1/5
Tommie: Oh, they're singing about their hooking experiences in Dubai? I hear tranny cock is quite expensive there, so good for them! 4/5
Total: 16.5/35

Massive Ego – Master & Servant (Video)

UK cult icon Marc Massive is back with a cover of the Depeche Mode classic "Master & Servant".

D'Luv: Who tossed Pete Burns' slumped-over carcass into a shopping cart and wheeled him up to a microphone again? 1/5
Mike: Fuck off, haters! This is brilliant. I can almost smell the lube and leather in the air. Enjoy this anthem from the comfort of a sling in your favourite S&M dungeon. 5/5
Paul: Oooh Depeche Mode are the band to cover this year aren't they? Red Blooded Women, The Saturdays and now Massive Ego who sound more like Depeche Mode than Depeche Mode currently do! I'm always up for a good old S&M session (the tune, pervs!) and I suppose this is what the song would sound like if Marilyn Manson covered it. Not awful per se. 2.5/5
Poster Girl: Depeche Mode are one of those groups whose songs I tend to love in any modern incarnation--cover, sample--but of whom I've never listened to an album, which says a lot about both the quality of their songwriting and how, to my ears, the songs benefit from modern production. I kind of like this, but maybe we could just cut to the chase and have DepecheMode*Teens instead? 2.5/5
Rob: Okay, I really like this. For sure it's a cover, but this is how pop should be these days even when the texture of the sound isn't necessarily original. I love a bit of electroclash. It's also nice to hear the band tease out some early 90's-esque house wonderful trinkets of baselines in this pop polemic. Well done! 3/5
Robyn Loau: I think I'd need to take enormous amounts of drugs to really get the full effect of this track, but I'm currently breastfeeding so...no can do, boys! 3/5
Tommie: Fuck off and die. This Marilyn Manson wannabe does not even deserve to exist in the same universe as the awesome Depeche Mode! I feel aurally raped. 0/5
Total: 17/35

Empire Of The Sun – Without You (Video)

The Australian electro keeps on coming with the 4th single from EOTS’s debut album.

D'Luv: Daft Punk did this song ten times better. It's called "Digital Love." And, sorry, kids, but doing white-haired Adam Lambert drag in the video doesn't make the music any better. 1/5
Mike: Empire Of The Sun are one of my favourite bands but this is a curious single choice. It's a bit too soft and atmospheric for radio and too slow for the clubs but I do love it. 4/5
Paul: God the first forty seconds are some of the most boring pretentious music I've ever heard but then mercifully it gets marginally more interesting. Not much though. 2/5
Poster Girl: I put this on play while I was doing something else and was surprised when what felt like twenty seconds later I heard it fading out. If I force myself to focus, there are things I like, but if it's so easy for a song to blend into the background when there is no other background noise, I don't think I can justify giving it as high a score as I'd like. 2.5/5
Rob: Finally some class. This is one of my favourite songs from "Walking On A Dream". It's more subdued than their previous epic singles but this subtlety is its warmest element. Sometimes you don't have to scream it - you just have to whisper. 5/5
Robyn Loau: Nice art direction in this clip. I've always had a thing for blond haired/blue eyed guys... I wonder if he'd go out on a date with me? 3/5
Tommie: Did he just sing "no, no sheeps at all"? Are they from New Zealand? I do not approve of fucking animals, thank you very much! 0/5
Total: 17.5/35

@m8er – Kill The Bitch (Below)

Sydney’s @m8er is generating controversy with her debut single – which lists the celebrities she would like to kill.

D'Luv: This chav broad should go to England and visit Lady Sovereign, because that pussy ain't gonna eat itself. 1/5
Mike: I can't help feel that @m8er is jackin' CC Martini's swagga but I'll forgive her for producing the year's first LOL-worthy anthem. I sense a future Pop Trash icon in the making. 5/5
Paul: Oh. My God. Not only has she stolen the riff from MJ's "They Don't Care About Us", but the feisty little minx isn't pulling her punches lyrically either. I don't know whether to be horrified or highly amused so I will go for the latter. As someone on youtube commented, personally i'd like to fuck this song up the ass! What a compliment! The song is actually shit, but just for the audacity of it... 4.5/5
Poster Girl: 3 points awarded for a good beat, 1 deducted for awful, lazy lyrics, and 1 more for @m8er's noncomittal singing style - if you're going to be engaging in a controversy-courting list of all the ways you'd like to kill people, shouldn't there be some more vitriol in it? Sorry, but the girls you're listing off here have released better singles than this. That beat is worth rescuing, though. 1/5
Rob: Ah, I am absolutely sick of this sort of crap. Give this silly excuse for a human being a Simone de Beauvoir book. I mean it's sorta funny to hear celebrities being ripped to shreds but this attempt has been heard and seen all before. It would nice to see another woman celebrating her sisters rather than appropriate male heterosexist norms in a feeble bid to annihilate the successes of her very own gender. 0/5
Robyn Loau: Yes @m8er, these girls are annoying. Respect goes to anyone that can rebel against being politically correct. 3/5
Tommie: NOW we're talking! It's catchy, controversial and lyrically funny! This is what Pop Trash Addicts is all about. 5/5
Total: 19.5/35

La Roux – I’m Not Your Toy (Video)

Elly just punched another hole in the ozone layer getting her hair ready for La Roux's latest video.

D'Luv: I love this broad for the fact that, like Lady GaGa, she's reviving flamboyancy in pop. (That's right, haters — GaGa's gonna fuck you into the ground!) The song's a 4/5, but it gets an extra point for Elly's hair. 5/5
Mike: I like this song because it reminds me of La Toya. 3/5
Paul: Sigh. I just don't like her or her cheap casio sounding pop at all. Which makes it quite difficult for me to review this song. I don't hear anything innovative or particularly enjoyable for me here, Ugh, no I can't even get to the end of it, but thousands disagree with me, so I'm sure La Poux won't lose any sleep over it! 1/5
Poster Girl: Elly and Ben's steel drums and super-kitschy electro bleeps are entertaining for three minutes, but the song doesn't have any real sticking power for me. Listening to the rest of this week's singles got me to give this song an extra half point, though. 3/5
Rob: Everything about this grates on me. 1/5
Robyn Loau: This track has that "computer geek working in home/bedroom studio sound" to it & that's why I LOVE LOVE LOVE IT! 5/5
Tommie: Yes, I get it, she's so androgynous, alternative and cool and I should like her. But I'm indifferent. And despite her trying to win me over with a La Toya reference, I'm not buying it. 2/5
Total: 20/35

Dash & Will – Painful (Video)

Melbourne based pop duo switch things up with a ballad for their 4th single.

D'Luv: The only thing that keeps this from being completely dull is the fact that it sorta rips off Hole's "Malibu." Otherwise, it gets a little painful. 2/5
Mike: I love Dash & Will. Their album is amazing and this is a great little single. I just wish they'd hurry up and release "Too Young Too Dumb" and get the commercial breakthrough they so richly deserve. 4/5
Paul: How unassumingly charming. I mean it doesn't come out and hit you over the head as a brilliant song, but it's not entirely awful either. Sounds like the type of song the CW network execs would be clamouring over themselves to put in the new Melrose Place. All a bit pleasant really with no real va va voom. 2.5/5
Poster Girl: Pleasantly - but not more - sung, pleasantly - but no more - written female-vocalled singer-songwriter song that, without any sort of entry point for me, has gone in one ear and out the other. 2/5
Rob: Somewhat like watching paint dry. 2/5
Robyn Loau: I had seen their "Out Of Control" video on TV and thought that it was much more PAINFUL than this 4th single which I actually like very much. Great line... "sometimes it gets a little painful, cause it's real!" Well done, girls. I'm a sucker for pop! 4/5
Tommie: This actually reminds me of something No Doubt would record in 1996 - and that's no insult. Surprisingly good pop/rock tune. 4/5
Total: 20.5/35

Crazy Loop – Crazy Loop (Video)

Ozone's Dan "Crazy Loop" Balan returns with a typically quirky pop tune. The Romanian sensation gets a UK release in October.

D'Luv: Who needs the Beatles when we have this rock legend creating another smashing pop anthem? I'd bang this guy, but only if he's wearing the Domino's Pizza outfit. 5/5
Mike: An instant seratonin boost. It's great to have Dan back with his own unique brand of fabulous non-sensical lyrics and outrageous fashion. More please! 4/5
Paul: I was actually expecting some dreadful novelty hit sounding tune, not this quite accomplished electro pop tune that just charms from start to finish. I know I'm a bit schizophrenic when it comes to liking eurotrash pop dance tunes - I either get them (this one) or I don't (Kim Sozzi). So overall, I'm quite chuffed with this. Wonder whether he busts any of those moves in the sack?! 4/5
Poster Girl: Dan Balan's ditching of the guitars and returning to the Europop fold means more joyous synths and ridiculous yodeling-style vocal melodies, which is really what he's meant to be doing. It's do "Dragostea din tei," but really, what is? 4/5
Rob: Wow this is trashy. As in it's shit. 1/5
Robyn Loau: Well, I couldn't stop smiling throughout this clip so I guess it's got something going for it. I love the fact that this guy can dance. 2/5
Tommie: When I first saw "Mm-Ma-Ma" in the title I for some reason just assumed it would sample "Surfin' Bird" and automatically be amazing, but no one has thought of that idea yet it seems (JUST PUTTING IT OUT THERE). As it is now, it's a bit of a novelty song and nothing special. 2/5
Total: 22/35

SINGLE OF THE WEEK

Kim Sozzi – Feel Your Love (Video)

American dance queen's latest floorfiller is starting to get mainstream top 40 airplay.

D'Luv: Proof that boring dance music doesn't just come from Germany. Despite an okay beat, this is really a snooze. Of course, looking over the rest of this week's offerings, I see the worst is yet to come. 2/5
Mike: I used to think Kim was the poor man's Kristine W, which is probably as low as it's humanly possible to go. Thankfully, "Feel Your Love" has finally slapped some sense into me. This is one of the year's best dance tracks - pretty, floaty and instantly catchy. An extra half point for looking so fucking sexy in the video. 5/5
Paul: Sozzi Kim but I am not being won over by your cheap and cheerful brand of Cascada dance pop. If this was a supermarket, she would be in the own name budget brand aisle of the store. I do like her triangular earrings though so a solid 1.5/5.
Poster Girl: This is pretty, but it doesn't press hard enough towards either tear-filled dance or the uplifting kind, which means, probably unfairly, it left little mark on me. 2.5/5
Rob: Okay, the styling is amazing but people are just gonna refer to Lady GaGa. The song is pleasant though. Tina Cousins was doing this years ago. 3/5
Robyn Loau: Classic dance floor anthem, beautiful voice. Stunning clip, so brilliantly simple but looks big budget. Love her mirror ball wedge platforms. I would mug her for those, then wear them at Stonewall! 4/5
Tommie: Anyone registered at FlopPop.com has been brainwashed to like Kim Sozzi and I'm no exception! "Feel Your Love" is a dance triumph and makes Dannii stab her vagina with a dildo in frustration that she didn't record it first! 5/5
Total: 23/35

Pop Panel - Week 4

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