Ness Ness & Her Hazardous 2nd Single

I just received the follow up to Vanessa Amorosi's stunning #1 platinum selling smash hit "This Is Who I Am" in the post (above). The thing is - I had no idea it had even been released! I'm not trashing the song (which is amazing) but where is the video clip and promotion? Hell, Vanessa is still busy performing "This Is Who I Am" on radio and television shows. It just seems a little rushed and I'm worried "Hazardous" will get lost in the evil vortex that is Christmas. I hope that doesn't happen because the Machopsycho produced pop-rock anthem is seriously brilliant. Those Swedes really dragged the best out of Ness. I love the catchy chorus and everyone can identify with the lyrics about craving something or, more specifically, someone bad for you. Universal have also put together a rather lovely physical single. The artwork is heaven and the tracklist is interesting. I really don't like the unfortunate dance remix (someone call in Tommy Trash - his overhaul of "Kiss Your Mama" is still a personal fave) but the "string remix" is quite pretty. However, the highlight is definitely a dark and dirty acoustic version of "This Is Who I Am". Ness Ness recently performed the song with a very similar arrangement at the AFI Awards, which you can check out below. The performance is stunning and Vanessa looks amazing but what the fuck is she wearing? The train on that skirt looks like it was dragged straight outta Muriel's Wedding. "Hazardous" is out now. I'll post the video as soon as it drops.

Ness Ness & The Album Of The Year

The stars have finally aligned for Ness Ness. She's driving her lesbian fanbase wild with a sexy new look, recently celebrated her first #1 hit and, most importantly, finally delivered the brilliant album she's been threatening to unleash since her debut way back in 2000. "Hazardous" really takes things to the next level. It blends the soulful elements of "Somewhere In The Real World" with a more contemporary pop sensibility (courtesy of Swedish producers MachoPsycho) to stunning effect. To be honest, it's a familiar formula. Dr Luke and Max Martin perfected the power pop/rock genre working with the likes of P!nk, Katy Perry and Kelly Clarkson but this is one of the rare examples of someone jumping on a bandwagon and accidentally finding their true calling. Kind of like when Dannii stopped pretending to be Janet Jackson in the mid 90s and went on to revolutionise popular music as we know it. Despite undeniable similarities with the aforementioned divas, "Hazardous" still sounds fresh and original - largely due to Vanessa's powerhouse vocals, endearing sense of humour and quirky lyrics. After all, this is an album that features songs about masturbation, dating drug addicts and extraterrestrials! Ness Ness takes to her new genre like a slut to cock and the result is my favourite album of 2009 (thus far). Here's my track by track review:

This Is Who I Am - 10/10

I think I've already written enough about the album's cracking lead single. Several hundred listens on and I still not sick of it. Just remember to close your eyes and pretend the hideous video is bad dream. Vanessa's recent #1 hit is a definite contender for my single of the year.

Mr Mysterious - 8/10

Just between you and me, I think MachoPsycho stole the bassline and crunchy guitars from P!nk but I'm willing to turn a blind eye given the overall quality of their production. I love the vocal layering and subtle hooks, not to mention the electronic flourishes and catchy "woah woahs". This is the perfect sound palette for Vanessa's effortless rock chick twang and she vamps it up for all she's worth. My only criticism is Seany B's (best known for TV ROCK's "Flaunt It") pointless rap. It's desperate and more than a little embarrassing.

Holiday - 8/10

Now, this is an unexpectedly camp delight. Vanessa's Swedish producers show their versatility by concocting a breezy summer party jam. The track automatically makes me think of Dannii sunning her baps in Ibiza but knowing Ness Ness it's probably about spending a weekend at the Coffs Harbour Motor Inn. Anyway, "Holiday" is perfect radio fodder for the warmer months and I get tingles in unexpected places when Vanessa moans "we all have needs". High quality filler.

Hazardous - 10/10

The album's first non-MachoPsycho produced unexpectedly turns out to be one of the highlights. "Hazardous" closely follows the Max Martin/Dr Luke recipe of synth driven pop/rock with a guitar heavy chorus and electro-tinged verses. It's been done before but why fuck with a winning formula? What makes this considerably better than many of the songs it's so clearly modelled on is the strength of the songwriting and Vanessa's amazing vocal delivery. Moving from soft and wistful in the verses to smoky and explosive in the chorus - "Hazardous" showcases one of the best voices in music.

Off On My Kiss - 7/10

Ness gets a bit sexy on this one but it's perhaps the album's least appealing moment. The song has an insistent beat and the chorus is cute but "Off On My Kiss" suffers from over-production. Making Vanessa sound computer generated should constitute some kind of crime but it's hard to be annoyed when you're happily humming along with inane lyrics like "I'll get you off on my kiss".

Show Me How To Love - 7/10

If I have one major criticism of "Hazardous" it would be that the second half is considerably stronger than the first. The first time I heard the album I was starting to lose a bit of enthusiasm at this point. Fans of "Somewhere In The Real World" will devour "Show Me How To Love" but I could do without the flashback. Co-written with frequent collaborator Pam Reswick, the track re-visits the soulful ground covered on Vanessa's last album. It's nice to hear a ballad that Ness can get her teeth stuck into after so many uptempo tracks but this is no "Perfect". Pleasant but slightly boring.

Aliens And UFOs - 8/10

Vanessa's ode to the supernatural gives me the giggles. Poor Ness has clearly spent too many nights smoking pot and watching X Files but, really, who hasn't? I like the song's slightly rockier feel and MachoPsycho add their usual polish to the production. The highlight for me is the catchy chorus, with the quirky spoken interlude about Vanessa's super powers coming a close second. This is basically a hot mess but I love that Ness has mixed it up and tried new things. MachoPsycho have really helped absolutely everybody's favourite diva express her more eccentric side.

Summer Nights - 9/10

When I saw "Summer Nights" on the tracklist I secretly hoped it was an Olivia Newton-John cover because I'm really that sad. As it turns out, it's not but Vanessa's nostalgic tour de force is almost as good. I love the breezy mid-tempo production and the naive lyrics, which cover everything from sleepless summer nights to politically incorrect lollies. Speaking of the latter, I still remember buying those chocolate cigarettes from our school canteen! There's just something sweet and quintessentially Australian about this track. "Summer Nights" doesn't scream hit but it's a little gem all the same.

Touch Me - 10/10

This is the dirtiest Australian pop song since Dannii explored the weird and wonderful world of sitting on speakers (*cough*) on "Vibe On"! Needless to say, "Touch Me" is all kinds of fabulous. What did those dodgy Swedes slip our Ness before she sat down to write stunning lyrics about masturbation and getting horny "from the vibrations off the floor"? I demand an inquest. Poetic lyrics aside, "Touch Me" also boasts the kind of slinky beats and throbbing baseline usually only associated with urban pop stars. In fact, this masterpiece reminds me of the filth Prince used to write for Sheena Easton in the 80s. Put "Touch Me" in your sexy times playlist between "Sugar Walls" and La Toya's "Sexual Feeling". I dare Universal to release this as a single.

Baby's On Ice - 10/10

From masturbation to hard drugs, Vanessa is clearly on a roll. The first time I heard this I thought it was just another cheerful love song until I started paying a bit more attention to the lyrics. Lines like "he always comes back with his lips all chewed and cracked" and "if the sun don't shine that day that's even more reason to get hazed" are fairly subtle but Ness makes it clear she's singing about the joys of romancing a junkie with "he's not a bad person, he's just a little messed up". Songs about drugs aren't exactly rare but I can't remember one this chirpy. My favourite part is when the backing singers merrily break into "he's on ice, ice baby"! Wonderfully tasteless and politically incorrect.

Sleep With That - 7/10

You can basically copy and paste everything I wrote about "Off On My Kiss" for this song. It's a fairly appealing fuck you to a cheating boyfriend but the production is overbearing and Vanessa appears to have forgotten to write a chorus. "Sleep With That" isn't bad by any means, it just suffers by comparison with the rest of the album.

Higher Ground - 9/10

Pam Reswick makes a second appearance on the album but unlike "Show Me How To Love", this doesn't sound like a reject from "Somewhere In The Real World". While not reaching the glorious heights of "Shine" or "Perfect", "Higher Ground" still ranks as one of Vanessa's finest ballads and I wouldn't be surprised if it's a (very safe) single somewhere down the track. The song is beautifully constructed and Ness sounds amazing on it. She really lets loose and shows off her full range. "Higher Ground" is a reminder that while Vanessa can take P!nk and Katy Perry on at their own game, neither of them could pull off something like this.

Blow Me Away - 10/10

Co-written by Steve Diamond and Matthew Gerrard (Dulta's "Lost Without You" and Kelly Clarkson's "Breakaway"), "Blow Me Away" is another perfectly crafted power pop anthem. Crunchy guitars blend effortlessly with pounding beats and the odd synth to produce one of the album's standout tracks. I'm a sucker for a catchy chorus and this baby is utterly ruthless. One listen and you're hooked. "Blow Me Away" has hit written all over it but I'd still prefer Universal to go with the title track or "Touch Me" (if they're feeling ballsy) next. The second half of "Hazardous" really is quite outstanding.

Snitch - 7.5/10

What a bizarre way to close the album. This languid jam has a soulful edge that wouldn't sound out of place on "Somewhere In The Real World" but the playful lyrics and experimental production are right at home on "Hazardous". I didn't know what to make of this the first time I heard it - particularly Vince Colosimo's bizarre contribution - but it's strangely catchy and a total grower. "Snitch" is also another example of the winning eccentricity that permeates the album, which is part of what makes it so special.

Ness Ness At Number 1!

My copy of Vanessa's #1 smash hit

Bow down to Australia's new Queen of Pop! Tonight Vanessa Amorosi is celebrating the first #1 hit of her decade long career. It's hard to believe that modern classics like "Absolutely Everybody" and "Have A Look" stalled outside the top 5, so this is long overdue. The achievement is all the more impressive when you consider Vanessa's competition. "This Is Who I Am" had to outsell new releases from Britney and Robbie Williams - making it a rare triumph for good taste and talent! I'm so happy for Ness Ness. She's gone from strength to strength since staging her comeback and this cements her spot in the upper echelon of Australian pop. I've already written about my love for "This Is Who I Am" but I still can't get enough of it. There's just something ruthlessly catchy and uplifting about this tune. The lyrics are a raised middle finger to her haters (Ness don't care if she's fat or if you think her clothes are bad), Machopsycho's production steals every trick in Max Martin's book and she looks all kinds of sexy on the single cover! Shame about the tragic video (below) though. At least the scene where she's flying on a cloud is good for comedy value and I guess it's not her fault if CGI hasn't quite made its way to Australia. Anyway, congratulations Vanessa. You've come a long way from dancing around Liverpool Plaza!

Pop Panel - Week 19

After receiving a barrage of emails over the "shit song choices" last week, I thought I'd go mainstream this time around and just include a bunch of the biggest new releases laced with a touch of trash to keep me sane. The selection actually contains two of my favourite songs of 2009 but naturally neither of them won. Not that I'm particularly disappointed with the outcome. I think the winner is a fantastic song by a great act on the verge of a major breakthrough. The following bloggers helped determine our classy single of the week:

D'Luv (US) writer of Chart Rigger
Mike (Aus) author of this classy blog.
Paul (UK) writer of Fizzy Pop
Poster Girl (US) writer of Poster Girl
Rob (UK) writer of Don't Stop The Pop

Unfortunately Tommie was too drunk to take part this week but I've been lucky enough to snag a fabulous celebrity guest judge to take his place. Marc Massive is perhaps best known as the lead singer of UK electro/NRG band Massive Ego but he's become an cult icon in his own right due to his constantly evolving image and outrageous videos. Marc has also modelled for the likes of Dolce & Gabbana and worked as a backing dancer for Boy George. Basically, he's a true pop trash icon and I thought I'd ask him a few questions about Massive Ego's new single and his celebrity connections before getting on with the voting:

Your band's new single "Master & Servant" was reviewed by the Pop Panel last week and drew some rather unkind comments. D'Luv likened you to "Pete Burns' slumped over carcass", while Tommie felt "aurally raped". How do you respond?
We received a worse battering on the Depeche Mode forum where they were all set to burn effigies of us and stick pins into voodoo dolls. The Pop Panel was a walk in the park in comparison! The Pete Burns reference is always going to happen, visually I wouldn't say we're alike, but perhaps my voice has his tone and I wear make-up. He's a mate of mine anyway, in the early days of Massive Ego they (Dead Or Alive) were kind enough to lend us their electric drum kit for a show at Heaven and Pete approved of our cover of "My Heart Goes Bang". He's definitely been an inspiration over the years.

"Master & Servant" has a strong fetish theme. Are you heavily into that scene?
I do own a pair of chaps, although I've never worn them in the traditional manner of everything hanging loose! It's never been a scene I've got into personally, but have worked in some fairly seedy places in my time including a few happy years stint as a coat check girl in an infamous London 'yellow hanky' club so I'm not easily offended or shocked. The whole S&M dress up thing is just like another form of drag really but minus the wigs and make-up. Covering "Master & Servant" and the B-side "Sex Drive" just fitted with the overtly sexual imagery attached to the single. The single sleeve design actually had a big cock featured on it until the label had a re-think!

It's hard enough being a gay pop star but being an openly gay alternative cult pop star is something of a feat. Did you find it difficult to find your niche?
I suppose coming out of the London gay club scene, in particular the more dress up clubs of old like 'Kinky Gerlinky', 'The Daisy Chain' and 'Pyramid', that's where I learnt who I was and got my first breaks. I like dressing up too much to try and hide being gay and nor would I want to. The "cult" aspect of the band I suppose comes out of the fact that we look the way we do, and when on the rare occasion we do a live gig it's more of a performance rather than just turning up in jeans & t-shirt with a backing track. I think our next album will surprise a lot of people who just put us in the "covers band" bracket. We have covered a lot of tracks in the past but we also write and record our own material which unfortunately has tended to take a back seat in the past due to the nature of the labels we have been signed to. I'm excited now about working with Dance Street/ZYX in Germany as they seem keen to hear everything we do rather than just covers.

Is it true you worked as one of Boy George's backing dancers in the 90s? Did you have to sit on his casting couch?
No I don't think I was ever his cup of tea in those days, as I wore nearly as much make-up as he did and that's not a turn on for either of us. It was a great character building period working with him and I got to do some amazing gigs. It also gave me the drive, desire and inspiration to do my own band and music so I've got a lot to thank him for.

Which mainstream pop stars float your boat?
I've always been a major Duranie (much to George's amusement at the time) they are the perfect pop group. And anybody that knows me knows my unhealthy Nick Rhodes obsession. I've really got into Patrick Wolf since his recent "Vulture" track and of all the new breed of artists he's probably one of the most talented and creative I've seen. I'm also really proud of Dan Black, who's becoming quite a name to watch here in the UK and who was originally a member of Massive Ego in the late 90s when we had guitarists and were an indie pop band. I like pop stars to act like pop stars and be slightly removed from reality, have a mystique about them and be untouchable, something that all these X Factor reality types just don't have in my view. They are just churning them out now all pre-packaged with a barcode stuck to their heads only to be dropped after one album, so what's the point in even becoming a fan or starting to collect merchandise for these artists? Although we've never crossed over to mass market appeal, or become a household name, I'm still releasing CDs, making videos and doing the odd show 10 years later - granted not as prolifically as I'd like but least it is still on my terms.

The Double A side single "Master & Servant/Sex Drive" is released in October on German label Dance Street and will be available to download from all the usual sites. Make sure you check out the fabulous "Master & Servant" video below:

As usual the songs are ranked from least to most popular.

Jordin Sparks - SOS (Video)

American Idol flop explores a new dance sound.

D'Luv: See, now I'm conflicted. Jordin seems really sweet, but this boring trash makes me want to kick her in the pussy. 2/5
Marc Massive: I don't think that works at all. It's neither one song nor the other. She should have taken a leaf out of the Sugababes/ Richard X "Freak Like Me" book and maybe not relied on such a big chunk of "Let The Music Play" to fill out her own rather bland song. Didn't flick my switch I'm afraid. 1/5
Mike: It's a crime to blend a true 80s classic into something this dull and generic. Someone needs to do us all a favour and pull the plug on Jordin's career once and for all. 1/5
Paul: Como se nota la inspiración del "SOS"/"Disturbia" de Rihanna. Is it Rihanna tribute week or what?! I mean I like this, but it's generic dance pop and I think Jordin can do so much better. She even took the by the numbers "Battlefield" and made it something quite delightful. Very disappointed in this. 2/5
Poster Girl: I really expected this to be a J.R. Rotem track: sample - '80s sample, no less - put into a modern dance-pop beat. It isn't, though, and maybe that's something we should be thankful for: far surpassing his recent output, it might just be one of the best mainstream-geared, pure fun dance-pop single we Americans have had a female singer deliver to us since Rotem's own similarly-titled song for Rihanna. 5/5
Rob: Written by 6 people and produced the mighty Cutfather of Denmark. Is it any good? Yeah, it's pretty epic and it totally knows it is. 4/5
Total: 15/30

Beyoncé - Broken Hearted Girl (Video)

The 7th (!) single from "Sasha Fierce".

D'Luv: You know it's hopeless when your song is so boring, Jordin Sparks seems avant garde by comparison. 1/5
Marc Massive: Now strike me down with lightning, but I don't own a single Beyonce record and can't see me ever doing so to be honest, it's just not my kind of music. This track washed over me much like the waves in the video. Yeah she can sing, yeah she's stunning... but the passion for this kind of R'n'B ballad slush just isn't there for me. 1.5/5
Mike: All the Beyoncé haters to the left, to the left. There are much better songs on the album ("Disappear", "Hello" and "That's Why You're Beautiful" come to mind) but this is still rather lovely. 4/5
Paul: 7 singles! Who is she? Janet Jackson? See her wipe away the tears at the beginning?! Amazing acting. This is one of the best videos of all time! The song is ok too... 3/5
Poster Girl: With a couple of exceptions, I count Beyoncé's voice as a negative on my pro/con lists for her songs, so it's telling that here it's one of the least objectionable parts of a song I'll forget moments after it's over. Of course, I still might like it more if someone else sang it. Has "Scared Of Lonely" been a single yet? Sounds like a demo, but sounds better than this. 1/5
Rob: As with every B song that appears on the Pop Panel, I come at it with very biased opinions. I can't stand her voice. She simply grates on me. So, she has a mountain to climb. How does she do with this? Very well. It seems all that over the top mess I am used to with her music has been put to one side and the beautiful simplicity of the song shines through making this one of Beyonce's greatest songs of her career. It's not a screamer. It's more subtle than that which is the key to its success. 5/5
Total: 15.5/30

Whitney Houston - I Look To You (Video)

One of the dual lead singles from Whitney's comeback album.

D'Luv: Yeah, honey. And I'm lookin' the other way. 1/5
Marc Massive: No budget video, minimal production... no need for all that razzmatazz it's Whitney bloody Houston darling... the diva, the voice, the legend. For all the comments about her voice not being what it was I still think this lady has what her countless wannabe imitators can only dream of, and that's star quality in abundance and I for one am glad she's made it through the troubled years that she's singing about and regained her rightful crown. This is a lighter out, swaying from side to side, feel good, glad to be alive, power ballad which The X-Factor TV producers would kill for as the winner's track, and that I can imagine is being turned into an Almighty Records dance cover as we speak. 4/5
Mike: Timeless and beautiful. It's far from the best track on the album but I think the message is fitting, her voice sounds great and the production is understated and elegant. 4/5
Paul: Ah whitters. How many first singles is she going to have from this album?! Again this is one of her uplifting ballads and jolly nice it is too. I for one am glad Whitney is back, find her quite lovely all over again and am now eagerly anticipating her doing a storming dance routine for the video of "A Song For You" (which will officially be a crime if not released as a single). 3.5/5
Poster Girl: Whitney's comeback album has some great songs on it... but this isn't one of them. You can see where this song would be a crowd-pleaser live, but in studio, there's no magic, just a striving-to-be-adequate ballad. 1.5/5
Rob: I know Whitney can produce much better than this. A nice ballad that the likes of Leona and Mariah would consider having as a b-side. 3/5
Total: 17/30

Jose Galisteo - Logicamente No (Video)

Sexy Spaniard and sometime gayer unveils his latest single.

D'Luv: Is anyone really this gay, you ask. Why, yes — Jose Galisteo! 3/5
Marc Massive: Yeah...I love a bit of Europop. This translates as "Logically No" but surely it would have been more logical for Jose to be cavorting around with another Enrique/Ricky look-a-like in the video, not a blonde babe or is that just wishful thinking on my behalf? I like this, it sticks to a tried and tested formula, does what it says on the tin, and doesn’t pretend to be anything other than a great little Euro-pop song. 3.5/5
Mike: I loved Jose's trashy debut album but it's nice to see him try something a bit different - ie. not destroy an 80s classic. "Logicamente No" is pretty forgettable but hopefully he has more up his super gay sleeve. 3/5
Paul: Como se nota la inspiración del "Don't Stop The Music" de Rihanna (which is about as Spanish as I can manage). I'm surprised by how much I like this considering it's ye olde Eurotrash I've heard a million times before. I can only put it down to the fact that I'm off to Gran Canaria in a few weeks so bound to here this in Bar Tubos, and also I'm shallow and I think Jose looks quite fine in the video. 3.5/5
Poster Girl: Spain's dance cover-prone former Operación Triunfo contestant returns with original material which I've seen drawing more than a few comparisons to Rihanna's "Don't Stop The Music." If that beat is similar, though, the catchy (well, mainly catchy in the two lines that give the song its title, but I get those two lines stuck in my head more than I expected) vocal melody is different enough that I can enjoy the song on its own. 3.5/5.
Rob: I am a huge fan of Jose and have been waiting for his much delayed album for yonks. However this chunky clunky slice of europop is pretty awful. The video is perhaps the worst video of the year. Very disappointing. I thought his album was going to be an automatic purchase for me but with this I am not so sure. 1/5
Total: 17.5/30

María José - No Soy Una Señora (Above)

A massive hit in her native Mexico, María is now trying her luck in the US with this catchy cover of an 80s classic.

D'Luv: I'm glad that after all that exposure on D Listed, La Pequeña got a record deal. 4/5
Marc Massive: I'm showing my ignorance now as I haven't a clue what 80s track this is meant to be a cover of and I thought I was an 80s aficionado. I like the video... Maria taking a shower fully clothed is always going to be a teenage boy's wet dream, but perhaps this is just a distraction from the fact that the song ain't all that. It's not horrible just not memorable for me. 2/5
Mike: Maria's album of 80s cover versions is a triumph and this is one of the many standout tracks. The production owes a lot to Katy Perry's "I Kissed A Girl" and "Hot 'N' Cold" but I adore the chorus and the sleazy, low budget video extavaganza. One question though - is Maria saying she's not a lady or not a woman? Judging from the film clip, I'm leaning towards the latter. 5/5
Paul: Is it the video or is the song just really badly produced? It sounds like someone has played a backing tape and she is just singing over the top of it! I'm not really feeling this at all, and don't want to waste any more words on it. Oh the chorus is quite good though. 2/5
Poster Girl: This is a cover of an '80s song? Are we sure it's not a cover of "Hot N Cold"? Oh, wait, now the chorus has gone all explosive pop-rock. Either María's singing or the song's production in the verses sounds amateurish, which is a shame; there's a good idea here, but it's not being helped by the song itself. 2.5/5
Rob: Wow. Very, very weak verses. I thought perhaps with this cover she might adapt it somehow so they're not so boring. And it takes a lifetime until the chorus arrives. But when it does it's like a sublime deliverance. Another awful video but I'll let that slip because I Love the high heels at the end. 3/5
Total: 18.5/30

Vanessa Amorosi - This Is Who I Am (Video)

Australian icon steals Pink's Swedish producers (and thunder) for her latest lesbian anthem.

D'Luv: Quick, Paul—stuff your lady taco in Vanessa's mouth so she'll stop singing! 1/5
Marc Massive: The best bit in the song is the cut up 'Lene Lovitch' like vocal parts. It's certainly rockin' on all cylinders but the tank is empty for me. And as Shania Twain whom Vanessa reminds me of once said "That Don't Impress Me Much". I, like the whole world, loved "Absolutely Everybody" but I don't think this is destined to follow suit. 2/5
Mike: Ness Ness returns with one of 2009's catchiest pop jams. I love her new electro-rock sound and really think it shows up the likes of Pink and Kelly Clarkson. But what the hell happened with the video? It's the cheapest piece of shit I've seen all year and the styling is appalling. Anyway, fantastic song. 5/5
Paul: Love, love, love the VanAm. She just keeps ploughing on doesn't she? Yes this is a bit P!nk and a bit angry Kelly Clarkson, but it's a rather brilliant 100mph sing a long anthem and she does it very well indeed. Plus it's a bit of a fuck you song and I do like those! 4/5
Poster Girl: "This Is Who I Am" may share musical creators with Pink's "Stupid Girls," but unlike that excuse-for-a-memorable-video half-song, Vanessa's single has a good topline to go with it. What should be generic female fronted pop-rock ends up being a song Kelly Clarkson's latest album would have been better off if it had. 4/5
Rob: Okay the verses drag on and it takes some time to get to that killer chorus but it's a great song. Love this. 4/5
Total: 20/30

Natalie Imbruglia - Want (Video)

Laura's less talented sister finally gets around to releasing the lead single from her 4th album.

D'Luv: Is this about her ex-husband, whatshisname from Silverchair? If so, I salute him for shaking Natalie out of her dull guitar dirges. Good song, nice tits. 4/5
Marc Massive: Danni Minogue, sorry Natalie Imbruglia just doesn't age does she? "Want" kind of plods along in an inoffensive manor and benefits from an over-use of the chorus, there's no escaping it after just one listen which is surely the sign of a catchy hook line. Certainly more easy on the ear than the first cut "Wild About It". I'm sure the track will benefit from some full on dance mixes. 3/5
Mike: Natalie usually bores the hell out of me but I quite like her first attempt at electro-pop. The passive aggressive lyrics and slutty video are particularly enjoyable. 3.5/5
Paul: You know, I didn't even know her sister was doing music! It's always been about Nats for me partly because she seems to get around a bit in the bedhopping way and also because my other half loves her, so much like Agnes, I get her music rammed down my throat. I do think she always manages to produce elegant classy pop and I like her hypnotic groove on this one. Looking forward to the album. 4/5
Poster Girl: Oh, boy, this is the sort of song I want to rave about as a stunning disco reinvention... but, much as the song is almost endlessly interesting as a topic of conversation, I can't get over the feeling it's melodically half-baked. Still, the idea is good enough to carry the song to a... 4/5.
Rob: So she's jumping on the electro bandwagon. And yet, it sounds so half-hearted. While I can't wait for the album, "Want" sounds so boring. Indeed, it is wanting. A good try though. 3/5
Total: 21.5/30

SINGLE OF THE WEEK

Dragonette - Pick Up The Phone (Below)

Canada's coolest band debut their new track.

D'Luv: Really great jam! The only thing that would have made the video better is if we got to see them chew tit in the locker room. 4.5/5
Marc Massive: I like Martina the singer... she's an uber kewl popster. Dragonette are the sort of band that it's kewl to like yet perhaps destined to remain a secret unless you're in the know. I think of them as being one of the leading lights of the electro pop Nu wave movement with previous tracks "I Get Around" and "Boys & Girls" being good examples. The new album's title track "Fixin To Thrill" carried on the electro style, yet this new release seems to go off on a more guitar led pop direction and because of that, loses my interest a bit as I'm a sucker for synths, bleeps & analogue which is a shame as the actual lyrics and song are quite good. 3.5/5
Mike: Lovely. Pretty and poetic electro-pop done with style and panache. I think this is Dragonette's most commercial single by far and I really hope it's their big breakthrough. 4.5/5
Paul: This is one of those bands that I sort of feel should be a massive worldwide hit by now and releasing a greatest hits or something. This will do nicely instead. It's powerful pop rather than power pop or aggressive pop, it makes it's statement and gets the job done with some nice melody and a decent beat. 4/5
Poster Girl: Synth-pop-rock - emphasis on the synths here - lusciousness from Canada? More, please. 80s influences are commonplace now, but Dragonette do everything right here. 4/5
Rob: I think this is the kinda pop I think Natalie was trying to produce with "Want". There is something Garbage/"Cherry Lips" about "Pick Up The Phone". Which is great thing as I loved that. 4/5
Total: 24.5/30

The Evolution Of Ness Ness

Vanessa Amorosi has been experiencing a major revival on my stereo of late. I've always been fond of Ness Ness but her amazing new track exceeds all my expectations. But more about that later. First, I'd like to pay tribute to one of Australia's realest girls by looking back over her decade long career which has seen spectacular highs, shocking lows and just about everything in between. Vanessa burst onto the Australian music scene in 1999 and immediately stood out from the crowd. Due to both the indisputable quality of her voice and her... unusual image. Kylie's success is often attributed to her everyday appeal but if she's the girl next door then Ness Ness is the girl next to the trailer park on the outskirts of Penrith. While Kylie spun around in gold hot pants and Britney presented herself as the new Lolita in a skimpy school uniform, Vanessa wore a tracksuit in her debut video and spent most of the clip taking various trains around western Sydney before dancing with some homeboys in Liverpool Plaza!

Vanessa's housing commission chic unexpectedly endeared her to music fans and "Have A Look" became a gold selling top 15 hit. I thought that catchy anthem would be hard to top but then "Absolutely Everybody" came along and swept all before it. One of these days I'll get around to making a list of my favourite pop songs of the 90s but I already know that "Absolutely Everybody" will take pride of place next to classics like "Jellyhead", "Disremembrance" and "In The Evening". The track was massive in Australia (spending 6 months in top 50 - a record at the time) but proved to be even bigger overseas. I was living in Germany when the song was released there in 2000 and the extent of her popularity was surreal. Ness Ness was all over radio, in every magazine and appeared on all the major TV shows. The hits kept coming both locally and internationally with the gorgeous ballad "Shine", which despite the uplifting lyrics is apparently about teen suicide. At the time Vanessa appeared unstoppable. Her debut album "The Power" delivered yet another top 10 hit (the funky and sadly forgotten title track), went four times platinum and became the first solo album by an Australian female artist to reach #1.

Vanessa's second album has to be the biggest fall from grace in Australian musical history. I don't even know how it's possible to go from a #1 multi-platinum debut to not even getting your sophomore album released - but that's the fate "Change" suffered in 2002. I blame "Turn To Me" - the shitty compilation album her record company rushed out in 2001 to cash in on her international success. Mostly comprised of remixes and international bonus tracks, that album was widely mistaken by fans as the follow up to "The Power" and was understandably dismissed as being quite shit. By the time her actual second album was ready, Australia had already lost interest. The underwhelming lead single "Spin" stalled at #34 and the album was shelved indefinitely. "Change" did, however, get a German release and even produced two minor hits ("One Thing Leads To Another" and the lovely "True To Yourself") but it was a case of too little, too late. After that Ness Ness seemingly dropped off the face of the earth, only to re-appear last year.

Despite her absence, Vanessa was never really forgotten. Her fans remained loyal and the internet was rife with rumours about her whereabouts - my favourite being the popular urban legend that she had come out as a lesbian and was working as a jillaroo in the outback! Unfortunately the truth was rather more mundane. Ness was simply working on new songs and looking around for another record deal. Things finally fell into place when she signed with Universal in 2006 and eventually released her third album in 2008. I hated "Kiss Your Mama" and still think it's rubbish (with the exception of the amazing Tommy Trash remix) but the rest of "Somewhere In The Real World" turned out to be a return to form. The album's crowning jewel is the amazingly soppy ballad "Perfect", which was one of my favourite songs of last year. It also became Vanessa's first top 10 hit in 8 years and holds the honour of being 2008's most played song on Australian radio. I put the track's success down to trannytastic video! The album produced another minor hit, the bad lyric filled but still cute "The Simple Things (Something Emotional)" and a promo only single "My House". As far as comebacks go, this ranks up there with the best of them.

2009 has been a busy year for Ness Ness. She recorded a duet with shiteous US band Hoobastank called "The Letter" and spent 6 months working on songs for her 4th studio album. If "This Is Who I Am" is any indication, it was time well spent. Instead of repeating the soulful rock-lite sound of "Somewhere In The Real World", Ness has delivered a cracking electro-rock anthem courtesy of Swedish super producer Machopsycho (best known for Pink's "Stupid Girls"). I love everything about "This Is Who I Am". Machospycho's production is fresh and crisp, the lyrics are typically honest ("I don't care if I'm fat or if you think my clothes are bad") and Vanessa looks like a tattooed rock goddess on the cover! The video clip will be unveiled next week, while the single hits stores on the 9th of October. I can't wait! I'm loving the latest incarnation of Ness Ness. "Somewhere In The Real World" was a good record but I have a feeling this new album will be a return to her pop roots. Whatever the case, it's fantastic to have Vanessa back making great music.