What Soraya Did Next!

Spain’s undisputed Queen of pop has been busy since coming a respectable second last in Eurovision last year. She re-released her amazing flop album, scored a top 30 hit in Sweden (on the virtually obsolete physical singles chart) and completed her sold out tour (of free shows at radio stations). Unlike desperate Edurne, who is now appearing on the Spanish version of Dancing With the Stars – Soraya continues to go from strength to strength while retaining her class and dignity! A case in point is Soraya’s latest endeavour as the nude cover girl of Must! Magazine’s "Sex Issue". As you can see from the clip above, the stunning diva is in fine form. Her beauty is almost as flawless as her voice and totally non-Botoxed forehead. More importantly, I'm told the song playing in the background is Soraya’s next single – a sure to be #77 smash hit collaboration with French DJ Antoine Clamaran. It goes without saying "Live Your Dreams" is already the best track of 2010 and I haven't even heard it! For more info check out this glamorous post.

La Prohibida > La Roux

So La Roux scored a Mercury Prize nomination for best British album. Are you kidding me? They have a couple of good tunes and make a fairly convincing Eurythmics tribute band but that's about it. If you want a truly classy electro/synth-pop listening experience look no further than Spain's La Prohibida. The stunningly gorgeous drag sensation has recorded the album that La Roux and Little Boots tried and ultimately failed to make. "Sr. Kubrick, ¿Qué Haría Usted?" ("Mr Kubrick, What Would You Do?") is a beautifully conceived exploration of different dance sub-genres from the 70s, 80s and 90s - blending elements of space disco, Hi-NRG, Italo disco, Eurobeat and French house music. I guess you could even call it a concept album of sorts. The predominant themes are sci-fi and space related, making it an extremely fabulous homage to David Bowie's "Ziggie Stardust". However, don't make the mistake of dismissing "Sr. Kubrick, ¿Qué Haría Usted?" as a camp novelty. La Prohibida has created one of the year's best pop albums. An astonishing achievement when you take into account the fact that she probably funded it by giving blow jobs in the toilets at Polana. Here is my track by track review:

Terechkova

Valentina Terechkova was the first female astronaut and this beautiful song pays tribute to that Soviet maverick. In fact, I think La Prohibida is channelling Valentina on the album cover as well. The track itself is an incredibly convincing attempt at reviving the now defunct 70s genre of space disco. I love the wistful chorus, which shines against a galaxy of beautiful bleeps and beeps. This is stunning opening number.

Cuando Dos Electrones Chocan (When Two Electrons Collide)

The 80s synths arrive for this brilliant dance anthem. "Cuando Dos Electrones Chocan" is one of the most straightforward pop numbers on the album and I think it would make a great single. At times I even hear a slight Stock Aitken Waterman influence but overall the sound is definitely more continental. The likes of Sandra and Spagna would be proud to call this track their own.

One Way Interrail

Eurovision fans might remember this as La Prohibida's entry in Spanish qualifying a couple of years ago. The fact that it wasn't selected is the biggest scandal since Las Supremas de Móstoles were robbed in 2005. Anyway, it's probably for the best. Eurovision isn't ready for this much glamour. "One Way Interrail" is the campest thing on "Sr. Kubrick, ¿Qué Haría Usted?" but it's still a great hands in the air anthem. I'd love to meet La Prohibida at Atocha for a nice train ride.

La Conexión (The Connection)

"La conexión" proves that La Prohibida is not a one trick pony by belting out this touching ballad with as much conviction her dance anthems. I love the space imagery, the soft synths and the sweetness of La Prohibida's vocal delivery. Despite the fact that I can't understand the lyrics, I want to walk down the aisle to this song when I marry Miguel from "Física o Química". This and Tina Turner's "Better Be Good To Me"!

La Química Me Ha Dado Lo Que Tú No Me Das (Drugs Give Me What You Don't)

I think the title translates as "Drugs Give Me What You Don't" and I couldn't agree more. MDMA with a Vodka chaser is better than any man. That aside, this is one of my favourite songs on the album. The intro sounds like it has been lifted straight from Kylie's "Love At First Sight" and the rest is just as Minogue-tastic. Little Boots wishes she could rip off Kylie with this much flair! I love the floaty beats and catchy chorus.

Estas Donde Tienes Que Estar (You Are Where You Have To Be)

This song is so relentlessly joyous and cheerful that it's impossible not to get swept up in its Eurobeat fabulousness. There's also a touch of 90s Hi-NRG about this little gem, which makes it even more endearing. Not the greatest song on the album but it's the kind of filler Soraya would sell her Botox needles to get her lovely hands on.

Esto No Es Amor (This Is Not Love)

There are so many stunning tracks on this album that need to be translated into English and covered by Dannii. My first choice would be "Esto No Es Amor" because it kind of reminds me of "I Begin To Wonder". La Prohibida dusts off synths not heard since the days of Dead Or Alive and Human League on this throbbing little pop number.

Yo En Saturno, Tú En Aranjuez (I'm on Saturn, You're in Aranjuez)

I'm pretty sure Aranjuez is a town near Madrid, so I think this little number deals with long distance relationships - from space! The production is really cute. It's retro without sounding dated. This scintillating 80s inspired dance anthem would have sounded amazing on "Miss Sanchez" instead of all those boring ballads. Maybe La Prohibida can write her next album.

Nunca Más - Dúo Con Spunky (Never Ever - Duet With Spunky)

Speaking of Marta, "Nunca Más" is the upbeat, trash equivalent of "Colgando En Tus Manos" - only La Prohibida is more glamorous than Miss Sanchez and Spunky is less sexy than Carlos Baute. Well, I assume because I have no idea who Spunky is. Anyway, I love this duet. It's cute and catchy with a very memorable chorus. My only problem is distinguishing La Prohibida from Spunky in the verses.

Menos Mal (Thank Goodness)

"Menos Mal" is four minute trip to camp Europop heaven. I love the 80s drum machine and the Stock Aitken Waterman-esque production. Even the shooting star sound effects sound like they have been dragged kicking and screaming from the 80s. There's a sweetness and simplicity about this track that I find extremely appealing. Las Hermanas Goggi should cover this and make a comeback.

Sr. Kubrick, ¿Qué Haría Usted? (Mr Kubrick, What Would You Do?)

The title track returns to the slinky space disco beats of "Terechkova". Only this is slightly more distinctive and eccentric. I love the waves of 80s synths and keyboards. "Sr. Kubrick, ¿Qué Haría Usted?" is a beautifully constructed track. The production is sparkling and the space elements are convincing, making this an unusual yet irresistible piece of sci-fi disco/pop!

El Mundo Alrededor (Around The World)

It seems only fitting that La Prohibida finish such a great album on a high and "El Mundo Alrededor" more than fits the bill. This is a real opus. The song re-visits the space theme that runs through the album but on a completely different scale. The space disco elements are strongly represented but they are mixed with French house beats and even a gospel component towards the end. Few songs ever manage to sound as epic and beautiful.

ALBUM RATING: 9.5/10

More talented than Malena Gracia, prettier than Rosana and younger than Isabel Pantoja - La Prohibida is a unique and wonderful addition to the canon of amazing Spanish pop divas. "Sr. Kubrick, ¿Qué Haría Usted?" is highly recommended and is now available to download from Australian, US and UK iTunes.

Soraya - The Deluxe Edition!

There was an amazing surprise waiting for me in the letterbox this afternoon. Hiding beneath all the bills and junk mail was a package from my lovely Spanish gays, Pablo and Fernando. They were kind enough to send me a copy of "Sin Miedo - The Deluxe Edition" in addition to a film that culminates in a woman biting off a man's cock. As much as I enjoyed my introduction to the wonderful world of Spanish cinema, I'm even more ecstatic about the Soraya album. I'm just so proud that she's decided to follow in the fabulous footsteps of Dannii by re-releasing an album that no one bought in the first place!

Despite being a rather desperate ploy to cash in on Soraya's stunning Eurovision "success", the deluxe edition of "Sin Miedo" is actually rather classy. Sure, there are only two bonus tracks - the previously released "Hasta El Final" and a remix of "La Noche Es Para Mi" that could well have been whipped up on Soraya's home computer - but the real treat is the bonus DVD and photo gallery. Who needs gay porn when you can watch all 8 of Soraya's trashtastic video clips in a row? It's fascinating to see how the Spanish diva's sound and image has evolved. The early clips are hilarious, particularly the kung fu dance moves in "Mi Mundo Sin Ti" and the karaoke themed "Call Me".

It's hard to pick a favourite video from all these classy gems but, if pushed, I would have to go with "La Dolce Vita" (below). Not only is it a fantastic cover of a classic song, the clip is the trashiest thing I've seen since Suzy Ray revolutionised the visual medium as we know it with "Disco In My Car". Everything about "La Dolce Vita" is perfect. The costumes are glamorous, the choreography is fun and Soraya looks breathtakingly gorgeous. I really think my future wife should choose the best songs from her two English albums and try her luck outside Spain. Who could resist such a fabulous goddess? Anyway, the re-release seems to be working for her at home. "Sin Miedo" sits at #33 in the Spanish charts this week. Now that's what I call Dannii-esque $ucce$$!

Hermanas Goggi - Estoy Bailando

If I ever build a time machine, I'm setting the dial for 1979. It seems as good a year as any - Satan is yet to spawn Cheryl Cole, the charts are full of songs I actually like and stunning Eurotrash divas Las Hermanas Goggi are churning out sublime anthems like "Estoy Bailando" (literally, "I'm Dancing"). I don't know much about these fabulous Italian sisters apart from their names - Loretta and Daniela - and the fact that they created one of the campest disco tunes of all time.

Like many Italian stars of the 1970s, the glamorous Goggi girls achieved considerable fame in Spain by releasing songs in Spanish. Their biggest (and perhaps only) hit was "Estoy Bailando", a tragic love story set to an irresistible disco beat. The chorus is as bright and shiny as a discoball, while the delicious duo wring every ounce of emotion from the words with their dramatic vocal delivery. The lyrics are camp genius but you don't need to understand a word of Spanish to appreciate this masterpiece. However, it helps.

Unfortunately, the only thing I learned at Mexican School is ¿Me da un elote por favor? - so I asked Pablo to translate the song for me. I'm sure you'll be blown away by the epic scale of this tragic tale of woe. It's just like Romeo & Juliet, only without the feuding families and suicide!

If we split up dancing
It'll be easier than talking
You dance with any blonde
And I just get on the groove

The resentment here is palpable. The Goggis are clearly dealing with an A Grade man whore!

I drink your Coca Cola
Left your glass empty
And I keep dancing alone
Or with any fling of mine

Drink that Cola, bitches! I hope the bastard dies of thirst!

I'm dancing
I defend myself tooth and nail
And my heart beats to the rhythm of the music
and there in the world
that's black like the deepest sea
I'm dancing

The girls start to sink into depression, which they express in a series of bad metaphors. Either that or they just scored some hard drugs.

Like a sleep-walker who won't wake up
Because I'm dancing
I hide from sadness like Brazil
After all everyone has a masquerade
And tonight finally I get free from you.

My money's on the drugs. And since when does Brazil "hide from sadness"? Someone please explain!

So slow is this tragic tango
You stare at me
Come and dance with me
The night is young
Tomorrow we'll see

Like Kylie, the desperate sisters have decided it's better the devil you know. I just hope he doesn't make them pay for the Cola.

In order to get the full impact of Las Hermanas Goggi, check out this amazing television performance (below). They are so unbelievably fabulous. The hair is perfect, the outfits are spectacular and the choreography is heaven. I know this is kind of unrelated but why did Spain need to import Italian divas? Apart from Baccara, were there any Spanish disco acts?

One more thing - Soraya needs to cover this song on her next album. Fact.

An Open Letter To Soraya

Dear Soraya,

You don't know me but I'm your biggest (and possibly only) Australian fan. Your latest album is a veritable pop masterpiece and I still listen to your fabulous 80s covers all the time. I'm completely smitten by your grace, glamour and talent. To paraphrase Shakira, for you I'd move to a communist country (well, maybe Spain) and learn about football (although something like scrapbooking would be more up my alley).

My love for you runs deep. Last year I followed your stunning acoustic tour of radio stations around Spain, staying in glamorous metropoles like Lerida and Albacete along the way. Unfortunately, every show was sold out - which could have had something to do with the tickets being given away free. Not that it matters. I was satisfied to simply be in the same city as Spain's greatest living vocalist.

Needless to say, your selection for Eurovision brought me a lot of joy. Finally you had a chance to shine on the world stage and possibly launch an international career. If vile trolls like Agnes Carlsson and Annie can have "hits" outside their homeland, why not a stunning beauty like yourself? "La Noche Es Para Mi" is probably the weakest track on your amazing album but it's still light years ahead of the usual Eurovision fare and should have won in a landslide.

I watched what I assumed would be your triumphant performance with great pride. My delicate Spanish rose had blossomed into an international pop sensation right before my very eyes. You took to the stage with the grace of an angel, wearing a gorgeous outfit that highlighted your stunning curves. And then your magical voice wafted around the stadium like a fart squeezed from the arsehole of Jesus. It was blissful. Admittedly, your dancers appeared to be recent graduates from the Community College of Móstoles but, as a true saint, you're always looking to help the needy. Your moment of Eurovision glory seemed a mere formality. I even had a bottle of champagne (well, $5 sparkling wine) on ice to celebrate your victory! But then the votes rolled in and you came second last.

Soraya, my darling, please don't feel like a complete and utter failure even if you are one. Eurovision is an unflushed toilet, so it only makes sense that the biggest pile of crap (ie. Norway's entry) should float to the top of the bowl. In retrospect, you were too sexy for Eurovision. Men from Iceland to Azerbaijan were busy doing something else with their right hand during your performance, which explains their inability to pick up the phone and vote. Take heart in the fact that many an international superstar has tasted defeat on the Eurovision stage. Olivia Newton-John only claimed the 4th spot, Anna Vissi came 9th and Nicki French finished in 16th place. Almost as bad as you. And look at all the amazing success she's had since!

Now that the competition is little more than a bad memory, hurry up and release "Para Ti" or "No Siento"!

Love & Kisses,

Mike

XXXX

Soraya - Robbed At Eurovision!

For The Love Of Merche

I've been meaning to write something about Spain's greatest living talent since returning home in December but I resisted. I honestly felt that mere words were incapable of describing her magnificence. However, an amazing gift from my Spanish friends has inspired me to try. Pablo and Bubu were kind enough to send me a copy of Merche's recently released discografia completa - a breathtaking collection that includes the Spanish diva's 4 studio albums, a disc of unreleased material and a DVD of her stunning low budget videos. It's probably the single most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my life and perfectly captures the essence of Merche. I'm sure most of the people reading this are currently wondering - who the fuck is this fabulous bitch? Well, 34 years ago an angel farted over Cádiz and Mercedes Trujillo was put on earth to bring joy and bad fashion to the masses. She is an icon in Spain and one of my favourite divas. Here is my brief guide to Merche.

Before there was Merche, there was Luna. That was the awful stage name my sweet petal used to compete for Eurovision selection in 2001. In a shocking turn of events, Spain's gift to the world only came 6th in the national finals but she caught the attention of Vale Music and scored a record deal. Thankfully, they changed her name back to Merche for the release of her debut album in 2002. "Mi Sueño" is almost as classy as the cover (above). It's an engaging collection of pop songs - with a bit of flamenco flavour and even a slight Latin feel. The album is also notable for the fact that Merche wrote all the lyrics and music herself, making her perhaps the most fabulous singer songwriter in the history of music! "Mi Sueño" reached number 12 in Spain and sold Platinum on the back of four hit singles. I particularly love "Como Pude" but I think this single best sums up early Merche:

"No Me Pidas Más Amor" is a percussion heavy jam that showcases Merche's knack for writing a catchy chorus. The video (above) also established her amazing lack of style and helps explain why she is cruelly considered a low class trashbag by Spanish snobs. While it's true that Merche looks like a $10 prostitute who just got off the bus from Mil Viviendas, that's part of what makes her so fabulous. She really has the common touch! I particularly love her Kelly Llorenna sunglasses and the hideous brown leather skirt. However, the best thing about the video is Merche's amazing dance moves, her sexy bedroom eyes and the really hot guy! Mi Sueño is to meet him next time I'm in Spain.

2004's "Auténtica" was my introduction to Merche and gets my vote for her best album. It also brings back so many great memories of Spain. Parker insisted I listen to some Merche when I hung out with him and Coque in Alicante and even gave me one of his famous lectures about her greatness. As usual, he was right. It was love at first sight when I saw Merche's beautiful face staring back at me from a row of CDs in FNAC. For her second album, the Spanish goddess turned to Sweden for inspiration. The album was recorded at Dreamworld Studios in Stockholm and the Swedish producers gave Merche's music a new poptastic dimension. "Auténtica" was an even bigger success than "Mi Sueño". It peaked at number 7, spawned 5 singles and sold over 100,000 copies (which surprisingly is quite a lot for Spain). I love the entire album but special mention has to go to "Abre Tu Mente" (below).

I thought Dannii was the only diva fabulous enough to sing an upbeat dance song about domestic violence (ie. "Love Fight") but Merche did it first. And better. "Abre Tu Mente" is apparently a commentary on abused women - not that you can tell from the catchy beats and uplifting chorus! The video, as usual, is an absolute triumph. The first thing you notice is Merche's glamorous new image. Instead of looking like a prostitute, my angel now resembles a transvestite with her big hair and killer heels. For full effect, check out her stunning black leather bra and mini-skirt combination in the nightclub! Apart from the fashion, other highlights include Merche's brilliant acting and the hot, shirtless guy playing her husband. For more "Auténtica" trash, check out the amazing video for "Me Han Vuelto Loca". There's more man flesh on display and Merche raids her local brothel for some style hints. The slutty dance routine in the middle of the street is heaven!

If "Auténtica" was Merche's experiment with Europop, then 2005's "Necesito Libertad" is very much her American opus. The album was recorded in Miami and produced by Marcello Azevedo, who had previously worked with lesser talents like Paulina Rubio and Marc Anthony. Marcello's bold style was a great fit for Merche. The big ballads really showcase her amazing voice, while the uptempo tracks have a distinctly Latin feel. It's basically a return to the blueprint of her first album - only with better songs and production. That combination proved irresistible and "Necesito Libertad" swiftly became a top 5 hit in Spain and remains Merche's biggest selling album. There's so much to enjoy about this gem (I love "Dos extraños", "Todo Un Riesgo", "No Lo Olvido" and the title track) but the highlights are definitely "Eras Tú" (below) and "Bombón".

"Eras Tú" is the Spanish sensation's highest selling single and one of my all time favourite ballads. This is very much the kind of music Mariah Carey and Christina Aguilera would make if they could speak Spanish. Properly. It's dramatic, emotional and completely over the top. Merche loses her restraint but it only makes "Eras Tú" all the more enjoyable. Unfortunately, I think Merche also turned to Mariah and Xtina for styling tips. The theme for this album is definitely "hooker" but it's a look that Merche does better than any other woman on the planet. She actually looks quite dignified in the "Eras Tú" video apart from the ugly Shakira hairstyle but she's back to her trashtastic best for "Bombón". This song and video sums up everything I love about goddess Merche. The red "dress" is amazing and those dance moves!

Who is the bland bitch on the cover of 2007's "Cal y Arena"? I refuse to believe that boring housewife is my Merche. A makeover was probably long overdue but some fuckwit has sucked all the fun out of my baby. Merche fans expect her to look like she's been styled by blind drag queens. This new, classy image was an unpleasant shock to my system! Unfortunately, the content of the album reflects the sterility of the cover. Produced by Carlos Jean (Miguel Bose, Marta Sanchez etc), "Cal y Arena" strips Merche's music back to the very basics. The sound is very organic, almost acoustic - which is typical for the Spanish charts. Unfortunately, this horrible less is more approach doesn't suit Merche's natural flamboyance at all and the album is a bit of a disappointment in comparison to her previous masterpieces. I guess it's not all bad. The title track and lead single (below) is delicate and pretty, while the follow-up, "Ya No Me Digas Lo Siento", is the closest thing to an upbeat pop track on the album. However, the highlight is the lovely third single. "Ángeles" is a soft ballad with a truly Merche-tastic video. She looks absolutely gorgeous and appears to be hanging out in some kind of gay bar. Well, that's the only explanation I can think of for the classy finale, which finds two hot men with angel's wings kissing. So Merche, so fabulous.

Marta Sánchez & Carlos Baute - The Duet

What do you get when you combine the self-proclaimed "Spanish Madonna" with a South American himbo best known for taking off his shirt at every available opportunity? The answer, quite unexpectedly, is one of the sweetest duets I've heard in a long time. "Colgando En Tus Manos", roughly translated as "Hanging In Your Hands", is currently the most downloaded song in Spain (according to iTunes) and it's easy to see the appeal.

Carlos and Marta deliver an adorable mid-tempo ballad, which no doubt has Spanish housewives from Bilbao to Málaga in a lather. I'm usually immune to soppy love songs but there's just something about this gorgeous track that clicks with me. I guess it doesn't hurt that I'm slightly obsessed with one of the participants (I must have picked up 5 or 6 Marta CDs in Spain) but the thing I love most about "Colgando En Tus Manos" is its simplicity. There are no tiresome vocal acrobatics or overbearing production flourishes - just some beautifully played guitar, two lovely voices and fabulous lyrics about having dinner in Marbella. That's not to mention the catchy "cuidado, cuidado" hook or the cute video.

I love film clips with a storyline and this stunning tale of love and lust between a limo driver and his famous client deserves an Academy Award - if only for the trashy scene where Marta and Carlos do some weird interpretive dance in an empty stadium. I'm convinced this is all based on fact. Marta looks like the kind of desperate bitch that would let the hired help work over her musty growler. And who can blame her? I wish Carlos' cock was colgando in my manos too. Don't be put off by the new and improved Pop Trash Addicts cover (above), this really is a classy affair!

The Day I Met Las Supremas!

When I first wrote about Las Supremas De Móstoles on this blog, I never dreamed that I would one day get the chance to meet the gorgeous girls in person - but the universe had other plans. I had been given their amazing "Philadelphia Disco Party" CD as a gift (even though my friends now deny it - own up, bitches!) during my first stay in Madrid and spent the next two months listening to their camp Motown cover versions all over Europe. It seemed only fitting to write about them when I briefly re-opened my blog in London. In a strange twist of fate, that post coincided with the now notorious Boyz magazine interview about my tragic fabulous taste in music and I naturally mentioned Las Supremas. At length. Boyz then sought permission to use the band's picture in the article and before long I was in contact with their record company - with a date to meet the ladies the next time I was in Madrid!

A Supremas Sandwich!

Of all the crazy shit I got up to in Spain, meeting Las Supremas has to be the most surreal. It was the 5th of November. That date is burned into my memory forever. I was picked up by Christina (their lovely assistant) at Colón and we drove to the radio station where the ladies were scheduled to appear. It appears that Las Supremas De Móstoles are not only pop superstars in Spain, they have their own mini media empire - appearing on television and Punto Radio's "Queremos Hablar" with Ana Garcia Lozano. We arrived before them and I was introduced to Ana (a total sweetheart) and told the show's format. Basically, Las Supremas come on the show to chat about celebrity gossip and just be fabulous. They also sing the occasional song and have a running segment in which they make up new words. The time finally came for the ladies to arrive and I was completely starstruck. It's hard to believe but Vicky, Luisi and Susi are even more glamorous in real life! They are also three of the nicest women I've ever met. I spent about an hour with them - smoking cigarettes, flipping through magazines (research for the show) and chatting via Christina (their English isn't great and my Spanish is worse). The best moment was an impromptu sing-a-long before the show. The breathtaking threesome serenaded me with stunning acapella versions of Duffy's "Mercy" and Leona's "Bleeding Love"! I was really blown away by the strength of the voices and pitch perfect harmonies. Luisi then taught me the Spanish words for male genitalia by grabbing my privates. I felt like I had been groped by the hand of god!

"I love you, coño"!

The show itself was a lot of fun. I was invited to watch the proceedings from the studio and Las Supremas talked about their biggest (and probably only) Australian fan and they belted out a sublime version of "Killing Me Softly" in my honour. I was really quite overwhelmed. After the show there were more songs ("Sing A Happy Song" - my favourite from the album) and I had the chance to ask some questions about the future. 2009 looks like a busy year for them. There was talk of a new album, a television show and an attempt to break into the South American market. I tried to persuade them to tour Australia instead but they didn't appear very convinced! Whatever happens, I wish Las Supremas every success. They are unique in the world of pop and I worship the ground they walk on.

In our defence - I was drunk and they were pulling faces!

Soraya's Pop Masterpiece - Sin Miedo

If Soraya's "Sin Miedo" isn't THE best pop album of 2008, it comes very fucking close. The Spanish señorita has succeeded where so many A list divas have failed - by delivering a consistently excellent set of shiny dance-pop gems. This album belongs on your shelf between "Neon Nights" and "Fever". Yes, it's really that good! I first fell in love with Soraya's 80s cover albums ("La Dolce Vita" being my favourite) but "Sin Miedo" is a huge leap forward. With the exception of two slightly misguided English language tracks, all the songs are original and very contemporary. The production is now of international standard and even Soraya's image has been given a complete overhaul. This isn't so much a new direction as an entire re-birth. Here is my track by track review of Soraya's timeless masterpiece:

Sin Miedo - 8/10

I find it really difficult to review music in languages I don't understand. I'm completely in awe of bloggers like Poster Girl and Robpop, who can happily wax lyrical about Ethiopian folk albums and Finnish death metal. Lyrics are very important to me but I guess being oblivious to the finer details is kind of freeing and you really don't need to understand a word of Spanish to guess that "Sin Miedo" ("Without Fear") is an uplifting declaration of independence. One of two tracks imported from Sweden, this has the slightest whiff of Scandipop blandess. Happily, the song is saved by an iconic chorus and Soraya's impressive pipes. "Sin Miedo" is far from the best song on the album and would not have been my choice as the first single but at least the video clip is a triumph. A battered looking Soraya wanders through a graveyard before changing into stilettos and conveniently stumbling across a dance party. That kind of shit happens to me ALL THE TIME!

Para Ti - 10/10

After a promising beginning, the album really steps up a gear with the dazzling "Para Ti" ("For You"). Produced by Spain's DJ Sammy (who scored top 10 hits of his own in Australia with dance re-makes of "Heaven" and "Boys Of Summer") and written by the team behind Marta Sanchez's brilliant "Superstar", this track introduces Soraya to the dancefloor. I love the production on this. It's edgy and contemporary, while still sounding sweet and melodic. The opening synths are particularly wicked. DJ Sammy should be legally forced to collaborate with all Spanish divas!

No Siento - 10/10

"No Siento" is another stellar DJ Sammy production despite the fact that it shamelessly rips off is clearly inspired by Madonna's "Get Together" (it's particularly obvious around the line "Nunca más me harás sufrir"). On the bright side, DJ Sammy at least has the good taste to copy that old whore's last decent single and this is a rare example of an imitation that surpasses the original. I love everything about this track - from the ethereal electro sound palette to the subtlely catchy chorus. However, the biggest revelation for me is Soraya's voice. I'm used to her belting out songs but the amount of variation on display here is a surprise. I love the softness and sexiness she exudes. I'm not sure why she can't seem to show this side in her English material.

Duele - 9/10

The beats come thick and heavy on this mid-tempo groove couresty of Ten Productions - the production house behind Soraya's last two albums and Brigitte Nielsen's amazing "No More Turning Back"! Dannii seriously needs to hire these guys. They make great, uplifting pop music and can't be that expensive if Gitta can afford them! "Duele" isn't the catchiest song on "Sin Miedo" but there's something utterly hypnotic about it. The track also offers an interesting change of pace after a string of upbeat floorfillers. I'd love to know what this is about. Poor Soraya sounds a bit forlorn. I think some fucker has been messing with my princess!

La Noche Es Para Mi - 7.5/10

The second song on the album penned by Swedes and once again, it's ever so slightly underwhelming. I love the middle eastern beats (courtesy of the team at Ten Productions) and the occasional English sentence but something is missing. The chorus doesn't really work for me and the few lyrics that I can understand are seriously tacky: "Tus ojos son un volcán" - basically, "your eyes are a volcano". A guy with red, glowing eyes? Poor Soraya is dating the anti-christ! Interestingly, there is talk that this could be Spain's 2009 Eurovision entry - although she faces stiff competition from the amazing Rebeca in Spanish pre-selection. Despite my reservations about "La Noche Es Para Mi" (The Night Is Mine), I think it would go down well at Eurovision. It's just inane enough to win over viewers and it sounds like a cross between Sertab's "Every Way I Can" and Ruslana's "Wild Dances". Eurovision nerds might be interested to note that two of the songwriters (Dimitri Stassos and Irini Michas) also have a tune entered in Melodienfestivalen (Swedish pre-selection) called "Alla", which will be performed by Sofia. I'm sure that bitch has nothing on Soraya!

Caminaré (Duet with Kate Ryan) - 10/10

Soraya's second duet with Kate Ryan is an absolute triumph. The cover version loving ladies first teamed up for "No Digas Que No" on the Spanish version of Kate's "Free" album but "Caminaré" is a massive improvement on that dud. In fact, this is one of the best songs on "Sin Miedo". Soraya and Kate harmonize wonderfully and the blend of Spanish and French is beautiful. There's also a touch of melancholy about the chorus that I find strangely touching. The first time I heard it, I was convinced it was yet another example of Kate reviving an obscure Euro hit ("Ella Elle L'a", "Voyage Voyage" etc) because of the distinct Italo disco flavour (someone has been listening to a lot of Moroder) but it's an entirely original composition. I just wish Kylie and Dannii's duet had sounded half this good.

Piel Contra Piel - 10/10

DJ Sammy returns for another expertly crafted dance anthem with "Piel Contra Piel" (Skin Against Skin). There's something incredibly atmospheric about this track. It's dark, sexy and a just a little bit naughty. In other words, it's the perfect soundtrack to Soraya's saucy FHM photoshoot! DJ Sammy really has done an amazing job on this album. His tracks are all uniformly excellent but incredibly diverse in sound. Each track explores a different dance sub-genre while staying true to Soraya's pop sensibility.

Give Me Your Love - 8.5/10

Soraya wrote "Give Me Your Love" (her only writing credit) with Spanish DJs Magan & Rodriguez. If you haven't seen the sleazy video to their dance smash "Suck My", check it out. I never thought peeling a zucchini could be so erotic! Unfortunately, "Give Me Your Love" doesn't involve sexy times with vegetables but it's still fabulous. The team from Ten Productions provide a memorable array of pristine beats and kooky sound effects, while Soraya does her best sex kitten impersonation. I particularly love the non-sensical English lyrics: "Give me your heart and nara nana nana na"! I'm guessing that was our queen's contribution. Singer, nude model, songwriting genius - Is there no end to Soraya's amazing talent?!

Uno En Un Millón - 7/10

An impressive list of people have lent their talent to "Sin Miedo". "Uno En Un Millón" (One In A Million) was written by William Luque, who has collaborated with the likes of Natalia, D'Nash, Chenoa and Spain's greatest export - Las Supremas! He's obviously a man of exquisite taste. "Uno En Un Millón" is a very solid album track but it's not a standout. I like the punchy verses and uplifting chorus but it lacks the edge of tracks like "Piel Contra Piel" and "Para Ti".

Ángel Caído - 10/10

The final Spanish language track on the album is pure pop perfection. "Ángel Caído" (Fallen Angel) is DJ Sammy's most commercial contribution to the album and really would have made a brilliant first single. It's the catchiest track on "Sin Miedo" and one of the best pop songs I've heard all year. "Ángel Caído" actually reminds me a little of Kylie's "Butterfly" - it's an unusually beautiful dance anthem, complete with gorgeous synths and an uplifting chorus. I love Soraya's voice on this. She conveys a softness and a sense of joy that is utterly contagious. I just wish Soraya would record an English version - "Ángel Caído" has international hit potential.

Rebound - 6/10

"Rebound" gets my vote for the worst song on the album. Originally performed by the tedious German girlband Monrose, this song was pretty average to begin with. Admittedly, Soraya's version is a massive improvement and I'm pleased to note that her English pronunciation has improved greatly - even since last year's "La Dolce Vita". I just think this is superfluous. The original tracks on "Sin Miedo" are all superior to this tat. It's not awful by any means but "Rebound" feels like a small step backwards.

Love Is All Around - 8/10

I expected the worst when I saw this in the tracklist. "Love Is All Around" has to be one of the most covered songs of the decade. The charisma free zone that is Agnes Carlsson ruined it originally before Ricki-Lee turned it into something extraordinary. Since then it's been covered by pop stars in Asia and South Africa. As the queen of cover versions, I guess it's only fitting that Soraya has a go at making it her own. She doesn't quite match Ricki-Lee's version but her "Love Is All Around" is a pleasant surprise. It's been given a cute dance makeover and really showcases her improved English vocals.

"Sin Miedo" should be Soraya's ticket to cult diva status around the world (move over Kate Ryan and September), which is lucky because I get the feeling Spain is not particularly interested. When I was there people generally rolled their eyes when I mentioned her name, a shop assistant offered to show me some "good" cds to buy instead and a record exec dissed Señorita Arnelas as a washed up reality star. I hope they all burn in hell!

La Terremoto de Alcorcón - Liberate

I woke up this morning with the hangover from hell and a bruised forehead thanks to falling off a table dancing to Lady Gaga. Talk about a fucking poker face! I've spent most of the day munching on Neurofen and rifling through my suitcase of souvenirs in an attempt to find something trashtastic to write about. I knew I had struck gold the moment I saw La Terremoto de Alcorcón's (literally - "The earthquake from Alcorcón") beautiful face poking out from behind some Marta Sanchez CDs. The Spanish gays were kind enough to give me a copy of "Liberate" when I was in Madrid and it was love at first sight. The stunning cover caught my attention but her amazing music really won me over. Since then I've spent hours watching La Terremoto's videos on youtube and I'm totally hooked on her fabulousness. This goddess is one of Spain's national treasures.

La Terremoto de Alcorcón first came to fame singing parodies of gay anthems - kind of like a super camp Weird Al Yankovic. She's probably best known for her breathtaking rendition of "Hung Up", which no doubt threw Madonna into a jealous rage when she realised how much better La Terremoto looked in that leotard. Make sure you check out the brilliant video clip. Other highlights include her destruction of Kylie's "Can't Get You Out Of My Head" (here) and Gloria Gaynor's "I Will Survive" (here). It's no surprise that this diva swiftly became a gay icon and was selected to sing the theme to last year's Europride - the intoxicating "Liberate".

As much as I love La Terremoto's parodies, none of them compare with the genius of this anthem. Produced by Toni Bass and Xavi Barranquero, "Liberate" is my idea of perfect pop. It's fun, witty, uplifting and catchy as hell. The track was also recorded in five different languages including English. I'm not sure how similar the different versions are but the English lyrics are hilarious. The verses contain gems like "take off your chaps, your wig, your baby doll, your stilettos, your fake moustache - let's have a bash!", while the chorus basically consists of La Terremoto screaming out the names of gay anthems: "I Am What I Am, Dancing Queen, I Want Your Sex, Y.M.C.A."! I wonder if the Spanish version follows the same pattern. Judging by the amazing video (below), I think it might. That would at least explain why La Terremoto dresses up as Mónica Naranjo and tries to decapitate herself with a knife. Since releasing "Liberate", this sexy señorita has been busy covering Kylie (again) and launching a failed bid for Eurovision glory. Hopefully, she'll release an album of original material in 2009. It would probably re-define pop as we know it! Keep an eye on La Terremoto's myspace for future developments.

Hola Chicos!

It's the early hours of the morning and I can't sleep. The journey home from Berlin to Sydney (via Munich, Helsinki and Hong Kong!) took the best part of 3 days due to snow storms and missed connections but all the fatigue I've been feeling from my epic hellride has strangely vanished. I'm not sure if it's the excitement of being back or just the onset of jetlag but I thought I would make the most of this weird burst of energy by updating this dump. There's so much I want to write about: Beyonce finally making a decent album, the sad demise of Central Station (RIP), Ruth's shocking exit from X Factor - not to mention the CD reviews I've started to write for Tina Arena, Jess Mauboy and half a dozen or so other divas. However, the focus of this post isn't an act or an album but a city. Madrid. I've tried to avoid writing about my trip as much as possible because - let's face it - other people's lives are fucking boring. I get it. I'd rather listen to Leona Lewis than read about some arsehole's trashy holiday but my stay in Madrid was so intrinsically linked to this blog and had such a huge impact on my listening habits that it doesn't seem right to re-open it without paying proper tribute. So here goes...

Hanging with the Spanish gays

My first taste of Madrid in July only lasted a couple of days and while I never actually left Chueca (the gay ghetto) or managed to attain full sobriety, I was absolutely hooked - largely due to the fabulous time I had hanging out with Dannii's gay Spanish fans. I promised to return and after several failed attempts, finally made it back in late October. I could write a novel about my Spanish sabbatical, so I'll try to stick to the weekend that irrevocably changed my taste in music. The plan was to reunite with Pablo (Huesca's answer to Perez Hilton), Fernando (Chart bitch extraordinaire) and Tony Tornado (Madrid's infamous cockflasher). Tony invited me to stay with him and his gorgeous boyfriend but I arrived early and decided to kill some time by having a quick drink in a bar. To cut a long story short, I sat there for 5 hours drinking with some really desperate housewives and a Mexican tranny. Amazingly, I still somehow managed to find Tony's apartment and we chatted about important world events (like Kylie's new hairstyle) until we left to meet Fernando for dinner at Root. My first reunion was a bit of a blur due to lack of sleep and one too many G&Ts but I distinctly remember being impressed by Fer's Platinum membership card.

HOT: The sexy guys. Everywhere.
NOT: Atoche's toilets. I just wanted to piss.

Some of my Spanish treasures

Friday morning was spent nursing a hangover and CD shopping. I started at FNAC (kind of like the Spanish equivalent of HMV) and spent a small fortune stocking up on classy divas like Soraya, Edurne and er... Gloria Arana. The second hand stores were next on the agenda. I found some old Marta Sanchez CDs and picked up Lorena's craptastic debut for 1 Euro but the real find was finally getting my hands on the Spanish edition of Dannii's "He's The Greatest Dancer". Many thanks to Jay for kindly begging the owner to put it aside for me! By mid-afternoon I was feeling a little parched and decided to get pissed delve into Spanish culture by testing the local beer. It turned out to be good practice for the evening ahead.

HOT: VIPS - like McDonald's, only classier.
NOT: Tortilla bocadillos. Egg and potato do NOT belong on a bread roll!

Spanish Tiny Teddies!

The night kicked off in the innocent surrounds of a comic book store, where Tony and I met up with Fernando and Parker (The Fergie of Elche). It was great to finally meet Parker in the flesh and we broke the ice by talking about Dazzler. We then moved on to a bar in the spiritual heart of Madrid (Chueca) where I got to meet Parker's lovely boyfriend Coque and caught up with Roberto and the demented Body Language. After a few drinks (a recurring theme, I know) we were lost in discussion about all things pop - the genius of Pascal Gabriel, Leona Lewis' personality bypass, the fact that "E=MC²" is a massive improvement on "The Emancipation Of Mimi" and Fergie's undeniable role as the spokeswoman of our generation. After letting slip that I was underwhelmed by Monica Naranjo, Parker was compelled to deliver an amazing lecture on her virtues. For what felt like the next 4 hours. I'm thankful for his dedication because now I can't imagine life without her music on my Ipod. Pablo finally arrived after travelling from Huesca - probably on the back of a donkey - and we were ready to head to the restaurant.

HOT: Mercedes Milla. The best TV hostess EVER!
NOT: Pablo's evil campaign to break Girls Aloud in Spain.

You should see him eat a banana

The Mexican restaurant immediately got my seal of approval when I realised they sold margueritas by the litre. Who cares about the food when you can drink out of a bucket? It was great to meet some of Pablo's other friends, particularly the lovely Marta and Madrid's finest DJs - Julian and Antonio. Julian was even kind enough to introduce me to Spain's answer to Bananarama, the fabulous Chicass. After "eating" we headed over to another bar where they played Soraya (twice!) and Kylie's "In My Arms". However, that's nothing in comparison to the music on offer at Polana, which could well be the trashiest nightclub in the world. Well, the second trashiest after Palms. Needless to say, I was in heaven. I begged the DJ to spin some Dannii and I'll never forget getting down to Dannii's Spanish megahit "He's The Greatest Dancer" with Dannii's sexy Spanish fans in Spain. Bliss. Other highlights from the night include Pablo getting with a guy dressed as Jack Skellington from "The Nightmare Before Christmas" (it was Halloween), Fernando stealing someone's cape (!) and Antonio unveiling the 7th wonder of the world - Madrid's amazing mussy.

HOT: Antonio's mussy.
NOT: Going home with the owner of the smallest cock in Madrid.

Madrid's holy mussy

I can't remember doing anything on Saturday apart from drinking lots of water but I was more than happy to do it all over again come nightfall. The group managed to expand even further and it was great to see the two Dans and Paco again. After finishing our Chinese feast we went to hear Julian and Antonio play a set. Julian's selection of 80s classics was an absolute treat (Kylie's "Hand On Your Heart" and "Turn It Into Love", not to mention Spagna's "Call Me"!), while Antonio momentarily invoked my wrath by playing Girls Aloud. I would have vomited but I didn't want to waste my alcohol. We then moved on to Elastica, a club that slightly reminds me of Arq. While the surrounds were considerably more chic than Polana, the music was just as trashy. They played Aqua and Paris Hilton! Highlights from the night include the music cutting out every 5 minutes, Parker and Coque's raunchy dancefloor antics and the DJ singing over every track in a heavy Spanish accent. The night ended with an after party at Tony's where we watched "Body Language Live" and Paola & Chiara's Greatest Hits DVD. A perfect end to a fantastic weekend.

HOT: Ordering San Gria with Chinese food.
NOT: Soraya's concert debacle.

Like "Skins" only better - the best TV show ever!

So what else did I get up to in Madrid? Well, after all the recommendations I received, I went absolutely nuts shopping for music. I think I ended up leaving Spain with 50+ CDs! I also had the chance to meet one of my favourite pop acts in the whole, wide world but that little adventure deserves a post of its own. Apart from that I became hooked on the greatest TV show in history ("Fisica O Quimica") and spent a lot of time in bars and restaurants - just hanging out with friends and meeting people. I'm the first to admit that I'm not a very good tourist. I have no interest in churches, museums, castles or any of that Lonely Planet crap. If I want to look at a decaying monstrosity, I'll just google Madonna. That said, I did actually leave Chueca this time around and what I saw of the city was absolutely enchanting. However, when I think of the Madrid, it wont be the Prado or El Retiro that come to mind but the food, the incredible pop music and most of all the warm and wonderful people. I can't wait to go back.

Fisica O Quimica - featuring my future husband Miguel in the shower and a woman pissing