George Michael - Live In Sydney

As you can tell, I had amazing seats!

It's not easy being a fan of 80s pop icons with highly publicised drug habits. I spent Wednesday night bathing in Whitney's sweat soaked glamour before doing it all over again on Friday at George Michael's Sydney show. The concerts couldn't have been more different - George was actually lucid and sang in tune - but I enjoyed them both equally. Albeit for very different reasons. Whitney was a hot mess but there was something unusually intimate about her trainwreck of a tour. George, on the other hand, was the epitome of professionalism. Everything from the staging to the setlist was immaculate and he cemented his reputation as a consummate live performer. Having just stumbled home from Mardi Gras, I'm not quite up to writing a proper review but here are some random thoughts on the George Michael experience:

1. The man still looks hot - especially for a middle aged pothead. George, call me if you get bored. We'll smoke a bowl and cruise some beats!

2. Time has not wearied the brilliance of "Fast Love", "Too Funky" and "Freedom" one iota.

3. Dita Von Teese almost stole the show with her saucy video montage.

4. "My Mother Had A Brother" gets me every time. Without a doubt one of the most heartbreaking songs about homosexuality ever written.

5. Speaking of gayness, dedicating "Amazing" to (his partner) Kenny was a nice touch. I also liked the banter about Mardi Gras and his amusing warning about over-zealous policemen.

6. I wish he'd leave "Roxanne" to Sting. It was one of the night's few misfires.

7. The ballad section was lovely. George has one of the most underrated voices in pop music.

8. "Wake Me Up Before You Go Go" and "I Want Your Sex" were glaring omissions. I would have also loved to hear "Monkey" and "Precious Box".

9. Vodka and Johnny Walker don't mix. Believe me, I learned the hard way.

10. The highlight of the night was "Outside". The video projections were amazing and George rocked that police uniform.

2010 Mardi Gras Special - La Chiquitta

Move over RuPaul and Dana International - pop music has a new drag icon! Fresh from the back alleys of hottest club in Hong Kong, La Chiquitta has recorded the campest single of 2010. The title speaks for itself. "Tranny In The House" is an hilarious ode to the glitz and glamour of drag life, making it the perfect Mardi Gras anthem. I really don't know where to start. This is one of the stunning jams that you just have to hear for yourself (see bottom of post). I'm not sure what's more appealing - La Chiquitta's stunning voice (think Heidi Montag meets Kim Zolciak) or the classy lyrics. My favourite line is "if you want it hot and heavy, call the tranny when you're ready". Cathy Dennis is so jealous right now! Produced by expat Australian DJ Stonedog, the song is the latest offering from Volume nightclub's in-house record label and will feature on their first compilation scheduled for release in Summer (ie. our Winter). Can you imagine if someone had the balls to do this in Australia? Courtney Act on Nevermind Records or Maxi Shield courtesy of Midnight Shift Music Pty Ltd? Fabulous. Anyway, enjoy my brief chat with Hong Kong's hottest tranny and grab a copy of her genre defining masterpiece on Ebay. See you on Oxford Street in about an hour. Happy Mardi Gras!

Girl, how did you get into drag? Was it always your ambition to be Hong Kong's premiere drag queen?
If I'd gone to drag school I'd probably get the title "Least Likely To Succeed" in our yearbook. I was the laziest, most half-hearted brat queen when I was starting - I didn't wanna shave my pits and legs, I wore the shortest heels, I only had one wig in my closet and somebody always had to do my make up for me. I started out in a trio called The Glitterazzis and we performed every month at Volume for almost a year until we had to take a break due to exclusivity issues. To answer the second question, I didn't see myself doing anything more than a monthly show for Volume. That was already THE ultimate dream for me. Like I said in a recent blog entry, to dress up in drag is a fantasy for so many gay men. But to dress up in drag and be applauded for a performance is something else. It gives you a certain kind of high. Now, to be a drag queen, and to be given a chance to record your own song, then, be backed up by legitimate media is so much more than I could ever ask for. I can retire now. But of course I won't. I'm only just beginning to conquer the world!

I've been called a lot of things but never legitimate. Thank you! Now, there is a long history of drag queens becoming pop stars - Divine, Dana International, Madonna etc. Were those pioneers an inspiration to you?
No, they weren't. I didn't know them then. My exposure to drag culture was hideously limited. But they are now. It helps to have an idol that, you don't necessarily have to imitate, but whose stature and craft you will want to achieve someday. Like Lypsinka's prolific artistic career, Mitzi Macintosh and her dame-ness, Chelsea Buns and her world-famous dress and costume line, Ru Paul and her fame and beauty and the young but already-famous (and fellow Filipino) Ongina for just being the drag darling of the world.

"Tranny In The House" is amazing. Did you help write the thought provoking lyrics? Tell us about working with DJ Stonedog.
It only really started with two lines and by accident too. "There's a tranny in the house", I exclaimed when the guys were having too much fun and I wasn't getting the attention a queen rightly deserves. "Call the tranny when you're ready!" I said as a final warning. The boys found it funny. They were in stitches and that just pushed me to keep on going. I knew I was coming up with something brilliant, something life-altering, something bigger than all of us! So, I started recording the words that were coming out of my mouth, like a visionary writing down the words of a great apparition. The rest is history, recorded in mp3 format, and sold at HK$80 (about $10 AUD) per copy!

The best thing working with DJ Stonedog is that he owns a bar. You get a free drink for every brilliant idea. So you are motivated to keep your brain working. Other than that, he is down to earth, he doesn't have an ego that you have to constantly massage, he treats you like an equal and he's not imposing. Your input is welcome and he makes sure that you feel comfortable in the entire process. Most of all, he knows exactly how to deal with my whims and tantrums, being a retired drag queen himself!

I understand the gay scene in Hong Kong is relatively conservative. How has your music been received? You must have broken down barriers.
I am backed up by friends from the community. A lot of them are expats who are used to the more liberal gay life and a huge chunk of them are also locals who are pushing for change in the way their culture sees homosexuality, and every concept attached to it, and are embracing "that" more liberal way of gay life. To say that I have broken barriers would be over-glorifying myself. I might have challenged homophobia and dragophobia a little bit by prancing around the stage in a short frilly skirt and sequined panties and then announcing that I'm a top but I don't think that broke barriers. What I think I did, and I will claim credit for this, is that I gave my people a cute, catchy tune to dance to while they're doing the more noble job of breaking barriers. And it comes in five different remixes too!

I believe you had an interesting experience in an elevator recently....
Picture this: 5:30am winter morning. 8 gay guys from the Chinese New Year dance party trapped in a 2.5 by 2.5 foot lift that could only fit seven people. After 30 minutes and eight calls to the Helpline, they finally decided that the gay boys weren't joking and that they, indeed, needed help. At the first sign of help, a knock from the outside, I yelled "Help us, please!" Yelled, literally. Then I was told off. I said, "Everybody, I don't mean to shout, but there's a tranny TRAPPED in the fucking lift!" I finally got to retouch my eyeshadow at 6:30 in the morning.

LOL! Are you interested in recording more stunning dance anthems or was "Tranny In The House" a one off?
There is actually another song in the works and I have recorded it before "Tranny". It was meant to be released before "Tranny" but because we were having so much fun with "Tranny", we ended up finishing that first. Plus, DJ Stonedog had a feeling "Tranny" was a better first release. And he was right.

Will La Chiquitta ever visit Sydney or do we have to fly to Hong Kong to bathe in your glamour?
After my performance for Mr. Gay Hong Kong in October, my partner, who was born and raised in Sydney, started contacting people who were connected with this year's Mardi Gras. And we got an email telling us that there would be something for me for the Fair Day, if we were to go anyway. But we had very limited time and resources to plan it, so we're postponing it to next year. And I hope that the slot is still available then. I will definitely find a way and a chance to perform in Sydney, no matter how small. The most supportive "Chiquitta friends" that I have here in Hong Kong are Aussies. They love me. I have a feeling I can capture the heart of Sydney.

Finally, I have to ask - are you really a top? Gays of Hong Kong beware!
We are about to run out of copies of the CD to sell. Soon, you will find my CD on Ebay. The highest bidder for that will find out for himself!

Ebay will probably crash! Thanks for your time.
Kisses, Mike!

Whitney's Hot Mess Tour

I grew up listening to Whitney Houston. Her debut was the soundtrack to every dinner party my mother held in the mid-80s (along with Sade’s “Diamond Life”) and 1987’s “Whitney” was the first album I bought. My interest waned during the Bobby Brown years but “I Look To You” reignited the flame and I couldn’t wait to see the legendary diva drag her crack ravaged carcass around the stage despite the abysmal reviews. Critics have ridiculed Whitney’s voice, questioned her professionalism and mocked her wardrobe. And it’s hard to disagree. Her rendition of “The Greatest Love Of All” was a travesty, she often appeared as high as a kite disorientated and returned to the stage after intermission looking like she had just crawled out of Ke$ha’s luxury dumpster. The thing is – I still loved every minute of it. Whitney’s voice has taken more of a beating than Madonna’s vagina but her vocal shortcomings somehow made the show more intimate and raw, evoking an unexpectedly emotional response from the audience who took over singing duties when she couldn’t. It would have been easy to come on stage and mime like Britney but Nippy kept it real, flaws and all.

The show started promisingly. Whitney looked amazing in a slinky gold dress and launched straight into two of my favourite songs from her latest album – “For The Lovers” and “Nothin’ But Love”. Her voice was shaky but nowhere near as bad as the reviews would have you believe. It was great to see her looking so radiant and I was happy to see her (clumsily) perform some choreography. Someone needs to sign her up to the Kylie school of hand-dancing! There was a palpable sense of relief from fans when she finally made her way though “I Look To You” after a dodgy start and things genuinely looked up when she performed a brilliant reggae tinged version of “My Love Is Your Love” (one of my all time favourite songs) and endearingly hummed a few lines from “Like I Never Left”. Introducing her daughter to the crowd was a nice touch and I loved her diva tantrum before “It’s Not Right But It’s Okay”. The sound apparently wasn’t up to scratch and she had three false starts before belting out the song in rather fabulous style. A spot on rendition of “If I Told You That” closed the first act, which more than exceeded my expectations.

Unfortunately, the Whitney express was destined for a head on collision. The intermission was her first big mistake. It was great to hear her brother sing and I loved her band’s version of “Queen Of The Night” but the “One Moment In Time” video montage was a potent reminder of the sad decline in Whitney’s voice. She didn’t help her cause by returning to the stage wearing a transparent black top and what at first glance looked like a fluffy car seat cover. Her hair was also sweat soaked and limp, making the entire ensemble less than flattering. The acoustic section that followed was very hit and miss. “Saving All My Love For You” was rough but poignant, while “The Greatest Love Of All” was heartbreakingly bad. Whitney redeemed herself somewhat with a respectable take on “All At Once” before really coming through on “I Learned From The Best”, which was probably her best vocal performance of the night.

More enjoyable still was her increasingly erratic behaviour – she inexplicably stopped singing in the middle of songs, congratulated a lesbian couple holding a 25 Year anniversary banner on being “friends” as long as she has been making music, turned her back on the audience to speak to the band for extended periods, said that she was pleased to see so many people “as old as her mother” in the crowd and talked about missing Michael Jackson before ranting about fans talking to her while she’s trying to eat. It was a complete car crash but I couldn’t take my eyes off her.

Less fun was her extended sermon about Jesus and her woefully inept rendition of “I Love The Lord”. It was around this time that people started to walk out but it was their loss because (the remainder of) the crowd was completely swept up in the warm nostalgia of “I Wanna Dance With Somebody” and “How Will I Know”. Her voice was pretty croaky by then but Whitney’s energy and obvious delight in getting her fans on their feet was compensation her vocal problems. I was genuinely worried when she launched into “I Will Always Love You” but it turned out to be surprisingly competent - if you overlook the two minutes of silence mid-song when she strolled to the back of the stage to grab a drink. Whitney’s upper and lower register are intact, it’s just everything else she has a problem with. I loved hearing her belt out her biggest hit and was moved when she hit the big note at the end. She probably should have left things there but she returned for a fun but sloppy version of “Million Dollar Bill”, followed by “I’m Every Woman”. That is until she turned around and left the stage halfway through the song without saying a word, leaving her band and dancers red faced. It was a fittingly twisted end to an emotional rollercoaster that I’d happily take again. Whitney is a lot of things. Boring isn’t one of them.

Elouise - The Stardust EP

In a market flooded with autotuned club anthems, rent-a-rappers and achingly hip indie pop queens, one English diva stands alone in a bubble of glitter and glamour. Her timeless torch songs and heartfelt ballads buck every perceivable trend in modern music by focusing on old school storytelling and sheer vocal talent. Two qualities that are captured perfectly on "The Stardust EP". As far as debuts go, this is very impressive. As it should be given Elouise's list of collaborators. Kylie's right hand man Steve Anderson produced the EP, while Dannii's former gay husband (before Nathan took over) contributed two tracks. That's not even mentioning the input of Rob from Don't Stop The Pop, who has been involved with Elouise from the very beginning and basically ensured that the whole project was fucking fabulous. Mission accomplished! "The Stardust EP" brilliantly pays tribute to the great torch singers of yesteryear without sounding tired or derivative. This woman really knows how to belt out a tune but her greatest skill lies in her unusual ability to interpret lyrics, bringing every nuance to life. Here are some random comments on Elouise's gorgeous calling card:

Another Day

Names like Dusty Springfield and Nancy Sinatra are thrown around when describing Elouise's music but I think she sounds like a cross between Olivia Newton-John and Shirley Bassey. A heady mix of sweetness and frailty with a flair for the bold and dramatic. "Another Day" showcases the diva's full range. Written by Steve Anderson and Terry Ronald, the track is the best Bond anthem never attached to a 007 movie. Steve's production is absolutely epic with the kind of booming chorus that would make most of today's (non-)singers die of fright. Breathtaking.

Pretender

The least hyped song on "Stardust" is probably my favourite. Terry Ronald obviously has most of these albums in his collection because "Pretender" sounds like it was stolen straight from the Streisand songbook. I wonder if Tezza remembers our chats on the Dannii Board before I was banned for crimes against Nathan (ie. DDB)... but I digress. The piano intro is lovely and I completely identify with the desperate and slightly hysterical lyrics. I just wish Elouise would hold back a little in the chorus. She occasionally veers towards the West End when she goes full throttle and it dates the song unnecessarily. Anyway, it's a very minor criticism of a truly great tune.

Fireman Of My Dreams

This is the campest thing to be released by a (genetic) female in a long time. The double entendres about hoses and poles will ensure "Fireman Of My Dreams" instant cult status, while the genuinely catchy chorus and disarmingly sweet vocal delivery should win over more discerning music fans. Personally, the song reminds me of a naughty update of ONJ's "Hopelessly Devoted To You". In fact, it wouldn't sound out of place on the "Grease" soundtrack - which, in my opinion, is a huge compliment. Listen to Elouise's dirty ditty below.

"The Stardust EP" is available to buy at the Leicester Square Theatre in London from tomorrow with a proper digital and physical release (both domestic and international) to follow in March. The packaging is stunning, so don't be stingy! In the meantime, check out Elouise on Myspace and make sure to add her on Facebook.

The Day The Music Died

So I come home after a hard weekend night on the tiles and decide to look at the charts before passing out on the lounge to the soothing sounds of Kelly Llorenna only to be confronted by an ABOMINATION. The evil troll from Girls Aloud somehow squirmed her way into our national top 10 with "3 Words". My faith in humanity has been shaken to the core. Are people mistakenly downloading this anal wart of a song because they usually associate will.i.am with good music or did the Chk Chk Boom Girl start a grass roots campaign to launch her hero's antipodean career? I'm shocked and appalled by this travesty of taste and justice. We have talentless fame whores a plenty in Australia without needing to import them. Hell, Shakaya has more urban credibility than this skank and will.i.am put together! What's next? Jade Ewen climbing to #1 with "My Man"? Jesus take the wheel and steer us towards real talent. Like this.

What Soraya Did Next!

Spain’s undisputed Queen of pop has been busy since coming a respectable second last in Eurovision last year. She re-released her amazing flop album, scored a top 30 hit in Sweden (on the virtually obsolete physical singles chart) and completed her sold out tour (of free shows at radio stations). Unlike desperate Edurne, who is now appearing on the Spanish version of Dancing With the Stars – Soraya continues to go from strength to strength while retaining her class and dignity! A case in point is Soraya’s latest endeavour as the nude cover girl of Must! Magazine’s "Sex Issue". As you can see from the clip above, the stunning diva is in fine form. Her beauty is almost as flawless as her voice and totally non-Botoxed forehead. More importantly, I'm told the song playing in the background is Soraya’s next single – a sure to be #77 smash hit collaboration with French DJ Antoine Clamaran. It goes without saying "Live Your Dreams" is already the best track of 2010 and I haven't even heard it! For more info check out this glamorous post.

Cum Inside Erika's Kingdom

Erika Heynatz has finally released her debut single! The former Australia's Next Top Model host and Farscape actress has been threatening to unleash an album since late 2006. I was played a couple of demos way back in 2008 but assumed EMI had scrapped the project when the stunning triple threat dropped off the radar. After listening to "Kingdom", it's pretty clear Erika spent that time overhauling her sound. The demos I heard were all uptempo numbers, while her debut is a gentle guitar driven pop song. As much as I would have loved another mutton-dressed-as-lamb dance diva to add to my stable of favourites, I really like "Kingdom". The lyrics are surprisingly sweet and the subtle production makes the track something of an oddity given the current trend for overproduced pop. Admittedly, Erika still sounds like she's been sucking on Kylie's helium balloon and the song could easily slot into any album Natalie Imbruglia has released since 1997 but it works. My only gripe is the hideous cover. Can EMI please make sure the diva still has a pulse before her next photoshoot? She looks like an extra from Six Feet Under. Thankfully, the video (below) is a much classier affair. In fact, I think "Kingdom" has higher production values than Erika's last movie! It's simple, suitably moody and vaguely reminds me of Kylie's lovely "Some Kind Of Bliss". Colour me impressed.