I grew up listening to Whitney Houston. Her debut was the soundtrack to every dinner party my mother held in the mid-80s (along with Sade’s “Diamond Life”) and 1987’s “Whitney” was the first album I bought. My interest waned during the Bobby Brown years but “I Look To You” reignited the flame and I couldn’t wait to see the legendary diva drag her crack ravaged carcass around the stage despite the abysmal reviews. Critics have ridiculed Whitney’s voice, questioned her professionalism and mocked her wardrobe. And it’s hard to disagree. Her rendition of “The Greatest Love Of All” was a travesty, she often appeared as high as a kite disorientated and returned to the stage after intermission looking like she had just crawled out of Ke$ha’s luxury dumpster. The thing is – I still loved every minute of it. Whitney’s voice has taken more of a beating than Madonna’s vagina but her vocal shortcomings somehow made the show more intimate and raw, evoking an unexpectedly emotional response from the audience who took over singing duties when she couldn’t. It would have been easy to come on stage and mime like Britney but Nippy kept it real, flaws and all.
The show started promisingly. Whitney looked amazing in a slinky gold dress and launched straight into two of my favourite songs from her latest album – “For The Lovers” and “Nothin’ But Love”. Her voice was shaky but nowhere near as bad as the reviews would have you believe. It was great to see her looking so radiant and I was happy to see her (clumsily) perform some choreography. Someone needs to sign her up to the Kylie school of hand-dancing! There was a palpable sense of relief from fans when she finally made her way though “I Look To You” after a dodgy start and things genuinely looked up when she performed a brilliant reggae tinged version of “My Love Is Your Love” (one of my all time favourite songs) and endearingly hummed a few lines from “Like I Never Left”. Introducing her daughter to the crowd was a nice touch and I loved her diva tantrum before “It’s Not Right But It’s Okay”. The sound apparently wasn’t up to scratch and she had three false starts before belting out the song in rather fabulous style. A spot on rendition of “If I Told You That” closed the first act, which more than exceeded my expectations.
Unfortunately, the Whitney express was destined for a head on collision. The intermission was her first big mistake. It was great to hear her brother sing and I loved her band’s version of “Queen Of The Night” but the “One Moment In Time” video montage was a potent reminder of the sad decline in Whitney’s voice. She didn’t help her cause by returning to the stage wearing a transparent black top and what at first glance looked like a fluffy car seat cover. Her hair was also sweat soaked and limp, making the entire ensemble less than flattering. The acoustic section that followed was very hit and miss. “Saving All My Love For You” was rough but poignant, while “The Greatest Love Of All” was heartbreakingly bad. Whitney redeemed herself somewhat with a respectable take on “All At Once” before really coming through on “I Learned From The Best”, which was probably her best vocal performance of the night.
More enjoyable still was her increasingly erratic behaviour – she inexplicably stopped singing in the middle of songs, congratulated a lesbian couple holding a 25 Year anniversary banner on being “friends” as long as she has been making music, turned her back on the audience to speak to the band for extended periods, said that she was pleased to see so many people “as old as her mother” in the crowd and talked about missing Michael Jackson before ranting about fans talking to her while she’s trying to eat. It was a complete car crash but I couldn’t take my eyes off her.
Less fun was her extended sermon about Jesus and her woefully inept rendition of “I Love The Lord”. It was around this time that people started to walk out but it was their loss because (the remainder of) the crowd was completely swept up in the warm nostalgia of “I Wanna Dance With Somebody” and “How Will I Know”. Her voice was pretty croaky by then but Whitney’s energy and obvious delight in getting her fans on their feet was compensation her vocal problems. I was genuinely worried when she launched into “I Will Always Love You” but it turned out to be surprisingly competent - if you overlook the two minutes of silence mid-song when she strolled to the back of the stage to grab a drink. Whitney’s upper and lower register are intact, it’s just everything else she has a problem with. I loved hearing her belt out her biggest hit and was moved when she hit the big note at the end. She probably should have left things there but she returned for a fun but sloppy version of “Million Dollar Bill”, followed by “I’m Every Woman”. That is until she turned around and left the stage halfway through the song without saying a word, leaving her band and dancers red faced. It was a fittingly twisted end to an emotional rollercoaster that I’d happily take again. Whitney is a lot of things. Boring isn’t one of them.
I don't know how we all survived before Youtube. One minute you're aimlessly trawling through old Taka Boom videos, the next you stumble across a freshly uploaded clip of the Pope of Pop belting out "I Just Wanna Dance With Somebody" in 1993. Needless to say, Toy Toy's stunning performance is a sight to behold. Anyone lucky enough to own a copy of "Live At Balleys" knows the unparalleled brilliance of a La Toya concert and she really brought her A game to Poland. Believe me, the former Eastern Block was well and truly rocked by our Queen's electric dance moves and magnetic stage presence - not to mention the high budget production values (ie. a smoke machine) and a costume which redefines the very essence of glamour! The highlight for me is Toy's hilarious disclaimer at the beginning that she doesn't require audience participation, closely followed by her orgasmic squeals. The thinking man's Jackson really does have the voice of an angel using a vibrator. I don't think it's a coincidence that Whitney went off the rails in early 90s. She clearly caught wind of this performance and knew that La Toya had her beat in the beauty and talent stakes. It's not easy living in Toy's shadow - just ask Janet!
I posted my 20th Pop Panel last Sunday and promised to celebrate in style this week. The whole point of the Panel was to create something fun and collaborative with other like-minded bloggers, so I couldn't think of a better way of commemorating the past 20 weeks than by inviting back all the guest judges to help decide 2009's ultimate pop song. Basically, I asked everyone to choose the five best tracks from our 20 winners. Their favourite was assigned 5 points, their second choice 4 points, their third pick 3 points and so forth. As it turns out the votes were pretty evenly spread out but there was a runaway winner. I'm keeping my trap shut but I'm not particularly surprised by the outcome. The blogoshpere is nothing if not predictable! Anyway, before we get on with the countdown I'd like to thank all the celebrity judges that took part over the past 5 months (James Leon, Jonah, CC Martini, Courtney Act, Gala, Peter Wilson, Nat from RAEN, Alan Connor, Robyn Loau and Marc Massive) as well as all the bloggers that have kindly volunteered their time. The following have returned to determine the best song ever to rock the Pop Panel:
I'm not surprised Preston came last. It's definitely one of our least appealing winners and flopped worse than Dannii. That week was far more memorable for the cat fight in the comments. No offence to the people he routinely offends but I kind of miss The Prophet. Just don't tell him or his Kanye West sized ego will explode!
I love Passion Pit but this is definitely one of our most random winners. I'm always slightly disturbed when something cool wins Pop Panel and it doesn't get more hip than these guys. Nikki Webster was robbed!
I still can't believe Chae won! She remains our only non-English language victor and one of my favourite winners. "Shake" has a killer chorus and an extremely classy toilet-tastic video clip that was banned in Korea.
I loved Week 5. My homegirl CC Martini was an extremely classy guest judge and Shena came out of nowhere to take first place. Like many winners, the song didn't set the charts on fire but it's something of a pop trash classic - so I'm happy.
This was my short lived "Australian Week" which went down like a lead balloon! I was scraping the bottom of the barrel with some of the selections but I wholeheartedly approve of the winner.
This is my third favourite Pop Panel winner. I love everything about it - from the beautiful lyrics to the lush urban meets electro production. Unfortunately, I seem to be the only one given the fact that Bluey seems to have disappeared without a trace.
This gives me the giggles. I love Kim and her fabulous do-it-yourself video clip. One of the few occasions when a true pop trash anthem won. As a life long Girlfriend fan, having Robyn Loau as a guest judge that week was a real honour.
Despite slipping in at least a couple of homegrown acts each week, this was the only time (with the exception of Australian Week) when local talent actually won. I love the song, I love the clip, I love their animated bulges. This has been hanging around the iTunes top 100 for months. I hope their next single gives them the commercial breakthrough they deserve.
Beyonce appeared on the Pop Panel 3 times and the best she could do was second place. Her floptastic ex-band mate LeToya, however, claimed the title with this catchy tune. I love it but shame about the rest of her shit album.
Pop Panel 14 sticks in my mind as the week reclusive 90s gay icon Gala came out of retirement to be a guest judge. Her rambling comments still make me smile and I'm glad her favourite song won. I am, however, slightly surprised by its relatively high position on this countdown.
Marc Massive really won a lot of new fans with his appearance on the Pop Panel. I loved his Whitney Houston appreciation (respect!) and piss club stories. Dragonette scooped the pool that week and I think they deserved it. This has grown on me no end and their album is amazing.
Only on the Pop Panel would Heidi Montag place higher than Dragonette, The Gossip, Empire Of The Sun and Passion Pit! And rightly so. This is my second favourite Pop Panel victor and I think it should at least be top 5 on this countdown. As usual Heidi's musical genius is denied by her deluded army of haters. It's time to open your heart to the new Queen of pop!
"I Am Not A Robot" got my five points as the best Pop Panel winner. I love Marina. Her lyrics cut straight through me, her blog is an endless source of amusement and she's one of the nicest people I've had the pleasure of interviewing. Week 7 was also special due to the presence of Australian Idol's classiest competitor - the divine Miss Courtney Act!
I'm still obsessed with this stunning anthem. I blame the sordid vagina cave video! It's nice to see that the song has found an loyal audience despite flopping in Australia and underperforming in the US.
I quite like this but I'm shocked at its lofty position on this countdown given that it had the lowest score of all the winners. Maybe people are feeling a bit sentimental in the wake of Keisha-gate?
I swear people just voted for this to annoy me. The most insipid piece of trash ever to grace the Pop Panel somehow glides into third place. I guess there really is a market for tuneless jams performed by ugly Scandinavians with less vocal ability than Cheryl Cole.
I'm ecstatic that Whitney did so well! Given the less than flattering comments about the song last week I was expecting this to struggle but love for the patron saint of crackpipes still burns brightly among the Pop Panel judges! I wish this had won but you can't have everything.
I originally gave "Release Me" 0/5 when it appeared on the Pop Panel but I've come clean about how much the song has grown on me. But the best song in Panel history? Computer says Whitney was robbed. On the bright side, at least it wasn't Annie. Pop Panel 3 is also notable for being the only time we moved over to Don't Stop The Pop and for Jonah's classy comments.
41 Points
Here's the new American video for "Release Me". Seriously, have they painted her black to cash in on the urban market? Someone call Oprah! THE VOTING:
Aaron (1. Agnes 2. Whitney 3. The Sugababes 4. The Saturdays 5. Shakira) Blake (1. Gossip 2. Agnes 3. Shakira 4. Whitney 5. Dragonette) Bomitoni (1. Whitney 2. LeToya 3. The Gossip 4. Bag Raiders 5. Heidi Montag) David (1. Annie 2. Dragonette 3. Sugababes 4. Sound Of Arrows 5. Agnes) D'Luv (1. Sound Of Arrows 2. Bag Raiders 3. Shakira 4. Annie 5. Dragonette) Enric (1. Annie 2. Sugababes 3. Shakira 4. Passion Pit 5. Sound Of Arrows) Gordon (1. Dragonette 2. Agnes 3. Whitney 4. Shakira 5. LeToya) Guy (1. Shakira 2. The Gossip 3. Heidi Montag 4. Whitney 5. Sugababes) Jay (1. Le Toya 2. Sugababes 3. Shena) Jennifer (1. Marina 2. Whitney 3. Dragonette 4. The Saturdays 5. The Gossip) John (1. Agnes 2. LeToya 3. The Gossip 4. Whitney 5. Bag Raiders) Ken (1. The Saturdays 2. Marina 3. Agnes 4. Empire Of The Sun 5. Passion Pit) Mike (1. Marina 2. Heidi Montag 3. Bluey Robinson 4. Chae Yeon 5. Whitney) Moogaboo (1. Annie 2. Bag Raiders 3. Kim Sozzi 4. Shakira 5. The Gossip) Nasty G (1. Sugababes 2. The Saturdays 3. Shakira 4. Preston 5. Kim Sozzi) Nikki (1. The Saturdays 2. Agnes 3. Sugababes 4. Chae Yeon 5. Sound Of Arrows) Pablo (1. Agnes 2. Annie 3. The Saturdays 4. Sugababes 5. Dragonette) Paul (1. Marina 2. Shakira 3. Sound Of Arrows 4. Whitney 5. Annie) Poster Girl (1. Agnes 2. Sound Of Arrows 3. Heidi Montag 4. Annie 5. Shakira) Robpop (1. Agnes 2. Empire Of The Sun 3. The Saturdays 4. Shena 5. Sound Of Arrows) The Prophet (1. Whitney 2. Bluey Robinson 3. Heidi Montag 4. Bag Raiders 5. Annie) Tommie (1. Heidi Montag 2. Kim Sozzi 3. Marina 4. Whitney 5. Shakira) Tony (1. Annie 2. Sugababes 3. Sound Of Arrows 4. Dragonette 5. The Saturdays)
I really can't believe this is the 20th Pop Panel. I'll do something a bit special to celebrate that semi-disturbing achievement next week but I'm still buzzing about actually having a great winner for a change. My faves don't usually win but they came in first and second this week, so I think I should go and buy a lottery ticket. As for the rest of the field, well it's pretty fucking boring. Particularly the disgusting excuse for a pop star that came in last. Seriously, I'll need to disinfect Pop Trash Addicts after featuring that SKANK WHORE on my blog! Ok, rant over. The following bloggers helped me determine our 20th single of the week:
Ken's blog is treasure trove of news, information and fabulous pop reviews. I highly recommend it to everyone! As usual, the results are ranked from lowest to highest.
The biggest CUNT in pop finally releases her long threatened KKK approved debut solo single.
D'Luv: Christ. I finally have to sit down and listen to this song? Oh, wait — she's wearing vinyl leopard print. Ah, well... Not bad. Somewhere between boring and brilliant. 3/5 Ken: Oh oh, Cheryl. I've been a solid fan of Girls Aloud from the beginning but I'm surely not sure about Cheryl going solo. As I've said before, the single doesn't give anything but a generic love pop song. It's definitely not something we'd be stunned or shocked about it being so unique and fresh. The video is good but it's still very uncertain of her eligibility for solo superstardom. 3/5 Mike: How many black toilet attendants had to be beaten in order to make this utterly vile piece of trash? I'm disgusted and appalled by each and every second of this monstrosity. -5/5 Paul: Well, she may well be my least favourite Girls Aloud but I really was expecting this to be a lot better than it is. I would have begrudgingly admitted that she had done quite well and probably secretly enjoyed the song. This though, well it's just so bleh. Just putters along as Cheryl tries ever so hard to sound a bit R'n'B and gruesomely fails. The lyrics might have connected a lot better with the public if she had released it 2 years ago when Ashley was wanging his knob around town. Dull, dull, dull - although an excellent choice of comeback song (along with "Beat Again") for Chris Brown... 1.5/5 Poster Girl: There's definitely something sweet about this American-sounding pop-R&B song, right down to the music box notes that creep in to join the synths, but joined with Cheryl's voice, it comes across as pretty blandness. Of course, if Jesse McCartney released it, I'd probably be raving about it. 2/5 Rob: I love this. It's clear Cheryl has realized what she can do and more crucially what she can't. This slice of urban-lite pop will go down well today but if you listen to the No Angels new album you'll realize this might be been one of their rejects. It's nothing unique, original or special but it's sweet and isn't as offensive as it could have been. 4/5 Tommie: Ugh, where did this talentless WHORE find this track? In Madonna's "wanna-sound-like-Rihanna" reject bin? WHOREribble. "Fight For KKK" has to be the worst track ever! -5/5 Total: 3.5/35
X Factor rejects follow up their #1 hit "Beat Again".
D'Luv: Abysmal. 0.5/5 Ken: I'm actually not surprised on how this one sounds. I unconditionally love 'Beat Again' before and I have to admit, I've already been a fan of them after just one single. The outcome of the song is actually very predictable, you know, the typical 'boy band' song that they should sing. This is the epitome of what a boy band should be nowadays if they want recognition. I so want JLS to succeed and I think 'Everybody In Love' is a brilliant choice. 4/5 Mike: And I thought "Beat Again" scraped the bottom of the barrel. 0/5 Paul: Ah, for me, the real winners of last years show. "Beat Again" wasn't anything outstanding but it was slickly produced and eminently likeable. And so is this although far more generic boyband than "Beat Again" was. There's nothing wrong with this track per se and I do like it a lot, but I can't help but feel they could have done something a bit more daring. Marvin's arms in the video though?! Humina humina humina! 3.5/5 Poster Girl: "Everybody In Love" sounds like a song I'll have forgotten or be mixing up with other songs in a couple of years, but I wouldn't rush to change the radio station if it came on. Still, is it so much to ask for a boy band whose music is exciting? 3/5 Rob: Another Level anyone. Boring. 0/5 Tommie: I'm sure the teenage girls will cream their panties over this, but it's really not for me. It does remind me a bit of that 90s boyband sound though... 2/5 Total: 13/35
The lead single from the Canadian crooner's latest offering.
D'Luv: Seriously, has Sara Bareilles sued him yet? I'd still bang Michael Buble sideways, even though his chin disappears a little more with each album. 2/5 Ken: Ohh. This is a cute one. Never paid attention to Michael's new material and I actually regret it. Anyways, it's a feel-good song that resembles his former hit "Everything". I love that Michael's sticking to his material. The outcome is great but not that special or anything. I love the way it is done, very uplifting and meaningful. 3.5/5 Mike: I have a disturbing Michael Buble fixation. I hate his music but I would eat him up with a spoon and ask for seconds. There's no denying that this song is utter shit though. 1/5 Paul: Love the Boob! Although he may never top the career pinacle of appearing on Kath and Kim, this is a surprisingly radio friendly that reminds me of Boyzone circa 1999. It's very singable, very catchy and as always he looks rather delicious. I think the more that I hear this the more I am going to like it... 4/5 Poster Girl: Look, if you 100% hate that Rat Pack swing style done by modern performers, you're not going to like this, but this is looking to be the first Michael Buble song I buy - it's a pretty good attempt at creating a song which sounds like an old, oft-covered song of that style. I know I'm spending most of my time this week complaining about a lack of excitement and edge, but sometimes, just sometimes, a strong enough song is enough. No Westlife cover, though, please. 3.5/5 Rob: Ever so cheesy. This really reminds me of Neo (of Sweden) and Mika (of UK). Is this a totally a bad thing? No, not at all. 4/5 Tommie: No. Am I still on Pop Trash Addicts or am I getting more cracked out than Whitney? 0/5 Total: 18/35
D'Luv: Talk about someone who's made a little go a long way. This broad's voice and same-y piano tinkling are so mediocre, grating and forgettable, I can't believe how people still buy into Clive Davis' trumped-up hype for her. Waste of time. 0/5 Ken: Sounds like a re-work of "No One". Having said that, it's still okay not in the sense that it gets boring. I love that it sounds like a ballad and has a wonderful meaning. But honestly speaking, I think it isn't time for her to have a comeback. Maybe next year would be a great idea. The final word - JUST OKAY. 2/5 Mike: I'm a huge fan of Alicia's. She's an old school soul singer and really knows how to strike a nerve with her amazing lyrics. Unfortunately, this falls well short of "No One" but it's still soft and lovely. 4/5 Paul: I guess we know which song will be all over next years X Factor auditions then! It's actually quite a lovely little song with a great chorus. Simple as that. 4/5 Poster Girl: I know people talk about Alicia Keys as a good songwriter - and that because of that and her voice she doesn't need gimmicks or flashy production - but everything I've heard from her last album up to now has gone in one ear and out the other. I feel the beginning of pulling on my heartstrings as she sings the title line, but that's it. 1.5/5 Rob: I always sigh with Alicia Keys. Only because she's musically very shy. It's always the same old story. That doesn't take away the magic of the song. It's a brilliant track. Has the potential to be absolutely epic at times. Thing is, her first album set such a standard and I just don't think she's actually moved beyond that. She's reproducing the same record with every release. Is this a bad thing? The record sales would suggest the record company would scream "hell no". But I just become indifferent and rather numb despite the fact that she's providing great material. 4/5 Tommie: I'm not sure if I've been brainwashed with her writing Whitney's latest smash hit single, but this is quite good and I say this as someone who never cared for her past singles. 3/5 Total: 18.5/35 Mariah – I Want To Know What Love Is (Above)
Mimi covers Foreigner. Enough said.
D'Luv: Now, I thought I was gonna like this. But after a few listens, it just sounds like karaoke by an ok singer. Plus, it's flopping harder than Glitter here in the States. Mimi's problem is she can't decide if she wants to be an urban artist or an adult contemporary balladeer. You can't have it both ways, alas, in this fickle market. I think in the end, she's alienated her fans on either side of those genres by flip-flopping too much. Maybe she should just record her tits smacking together and hit the whistle register one last time. Surefire hit! 2/5 Ken: I was absolutely shocked when I heard she'll be making a cover of that classic Foreigner single. It's surprising that it's very different from the painful sounding "Obsessed" and she somehow returned to her glorious era. I love the way it sounded but not sure about it's commercial success. Maybe if she'll be singing more kinds of this one, then maybe I'll get back my interest in her. 3/5 Mike: Everyone knows I love Mariah but this stillborn cover is a giant snooze. I'm still giving her 3/5 though 'cause I'm terrified of irrate lambs! Paul: It's like she has unslutted herself now she has bagged the America's Got Talent dude. She's back to the wavy hair and doing big ballads that fit nicely along older tracks such as "Without You" and "I'll Be There". This could have been really syrupy and awful (and maybe it is but i'm not seeing it), however it comes across beautifully - love the key change! 4/5 Poster Girl: When Nick Lachey covered Take That's "Patience," my first thought was "good job on the part of the person in charge of putting holds on possible songs for Nick, but just because it sounds like a song he'd sing doesn't mean he should have released an unnecessary, inferior-to-the-original cover in an attempt to get his album campaign to take off." Ditto all that for Mariah, though at least her cover isn't as awful as his. 3/5 Rob: A nice cover. I like it. She doesn't do too much embellishment. A weird choice for a single but it's not gonna move mountains. 3.5/5 Tommie: I love Mariah but what is her record company thinking with reverting her back to early 90s? "I Want To Know What Love Is" is nice enough, but Mimi can do better than a cover these days. Really. 2.5/5 Total: 21/35
Last year's X Factor winner unveils her debut single.
D'Luv: Someone (Cowell, Simon) wants this to be an American hit bad. Still, it's pretty good. Much more tuneful that Keri Hilson, who Alexandra reminds me of a tad in the vid. 3.5/5 Ken: I have to admit, this track has made me change my idea of her debut. It started very slow for me and I eventually now like the track. Although this isn't my idea of Alexandra's massive debut, I'd say it did a pretty good job when it comes to likability. But I'm scared about her being just sexy and not having songs of substance. Although it's early to say that, let's wait for her album. 3.5/5 Mike: Alexandra has even less personality than Leona Lewis (if that's humanly possible) but someone has dug out a genuinely catchy chorus for her. Shame about the shit verses and disjointed rap interlude. 3/5 Paul: I really expected not to like it when it first came out, and then the utter shock that Simon Cowell had allowed an X Factor winner to release an uptempo first single "proper" sort of overwhelmed me a bit and I initially thought it was very good indeed. Time and sanity returned and it's actually not bad but not really brilliant. The Bimbo Jones mix which edits out Flo Rida is much better than the single mix. 3/5 Poster Girl: I think it was Popjustice that made the "Some Girls" meets "Womanizer" comparison, and it's one I agree with, with the caveat that "Bad Boys" sheds any darkness either of those songs in favor of pure fun. I'm always going to have a big weakness for this type of song, but I haven't grown tired of "Bad Boys" at all - in fact, it's one of the songs on my personal A-list at the moment. 5/5 Rob: I really didn't like this at first only because I think the song doesn't test her voice. But it's a rather catchy little ditty. Quite like it now. It's a grower. 4/5 Tommie: Well, at least it's different from Leona. But not as amazing as Leona, sadly. 1/5 Total: 23/35
D'Luv: Seriously, has Cyndi Lauper sued them yet? Probably the best Black Eyed Peas single ever, though, as with most of the singles from The E.N.D., I start off liking them until about their 8th week at #1, then I want to put a nail gun to my forehead. 3.5/5 Ken: Ugh. It's ugly in every sense compared to "Boom Boom Pow" and "I Gotta Feeling". I was expecting something groovy like "Imma Be" or "Electric City". It's totally boring and I don't get why they have been #1 in the US for 6 months. What's up with that? Do people actually still like "Boom Boom Pow" and "I Gotta Feeling" at this point? 0/5 Mike: This is one of the best pop songs of 2009 and clearly the standout track on "The E.N.D." after "I Gotta Feeling". I love the 80s-tastic beats and the romantic sentiment. Fergie has never sounded lovelier. 5/5 Paul: Ugh. So, so, so bored of them. I didn't particularly love their current US number one song so I'm baffled by it's longevity. This will probably be the song to knock it off the top. "Girl I travelled round the world and even sailed the seven seas"! Which greeting card did they steal that from?! 2/5 Poster Girl: Fergie's '80s-tastic chorus carries the song, but it's so good that who cares? 4/5 Rob: Amazing. Usually I would love for the boys in the band to take a total backseat and just produce the records. Let Fergie take the spotlight. But this one of their rarer singles in which the collective actually works to boost the quality of the song. Here they sound like a group. I love it. 4.5/5 Tommie: If anyone haven't gotten the memo yet - the Black Eyed Peas are on fire. Listen to it three times and try to resist it. 4/5 Total: 23/35
The 3rd official lead single from Whitney's much hyped comeback album.
D'Luv: I've said before this song is ok, and my opinion hasn't really changed much. I'm more interested in trying to figure out if Whixxxey's had anything more done to her face than botox. Something's not right there. Can't quite put my finger on it, though. 3/5 Ken: I've been actually apathetic about Miss Whitney's comeback. It's the first song I've heard from her new album and I'm actually liking it. It's actually catchy and very contemporary, I just hope she gets the right praise for this because she kind of deserves a nice comeback and 'Million Dollar Bill' is a good answer to those people questioning her abilities of pulling it off. Kudos Whitney! 4/5 Mike: Alicia Keys writes new lyrics to an old Loleatta Holloway disco classic and the result is Whitney's best single in a decade. I love the production, the lyrics and Nippy's swagger. Sublime. 5/5 Paul: Love this. Love it, love it, love it. Yes Alicia may not have done as much of the writing as she claims, but it's a glorious upbeat tune that is both elegant and understated. Great chorus that fits well into the Whitney dance canon and the freemasons mix is just heaven on a stick. 4/5 Poster Girl: Not classic Whitney, but a respectable comeback song. 2.5/5 Rob: Wow, very retro. Love it! Very Randy Crawford. 4/5 Tommie: What? An upbeat track by a 40 plus woman that doesn't sound utterly desperate to be hip? Classic Whitney and genius sample. 5/5 Total: 27.5/35
I've held off reviewing "I Look To You" for a couple of weeks because I didn't want my judgement to be clouded by sentimentality. You see, I really wanted to love this album. Like most fans I've been waiting for Whitney's big comeback since 1998's "My Love Is Your Love" (in my opinion her last decent offering) and have tasted bitter disappointment at least once before (see the shiteous excuse for album called "Just Whitney"). This seemed like the diva's last chance to regain some of her former glory and, for me at least, Whitney has achieved that and more. "I Look To You" is like re-discovering an old friend. Some critics have described the album as safe but I think classic is a more appropriate adjective. While it's true that Whitney returns to her old formula of ballads and mid-tempo pop songs, there's an attention to detail and overall sense of quality about "I Look To You" that reminds me of her first two albums. However, this time around the songs are more personal. I know Whitney only had a hand in writing a couple of them but the vast majority seem tailor made for her. That combined with her slightly battered but still beautiful voice imbues "I Look To You" with a degree of soul and poignancy that her earlier work was missing. Crack whores take note - it's never too late to put down the pipe and pick up a microphone! Here's my track by track review:
Million Dollar Bill
Who would have guessed that the lead single from Whitney's 2009 comeback album would be a disco tinged "re-make" of an obscure 1976 track? As Tommypoints out on Disco Delivery, "Million Dollar Bill" basically puts new lyrics to Loleatta Holloway's "We're Getting Stronger". The original writers are credited but I love how Alicia Keys completely forgot to mention it in the interviews she did hyping the song she wrote for Whitney! At least she had the decency to rip off something good. I love everything about this track. The lyrics are great (I'd settle for feeling like a crisp $20 bill!), the production sizzles and it's great to hear Whitney sing something so upbeat and joyous. Oh and the Freemasons remix is a gay man's wet dream.
My beautiful "Million Dollar Bill" CD single!
Nothin' But Love
A lot of fans have been calling for "Nothin' But Love" to be the album's next single and I have to agree. This is by far the most contemporary and edgy song on "I Look To You" and one of the few tracks that I can really imagine radio latching onto. Danja's production is crisp and current without making Whitney sound like a desperate cougar who has spent far too much time listening to her daughter's CD collection. Hello, Madonna! The beats come thick and fast and the chorus is ridiculously catchy. Most of all I love the song's theme of moving on with your life. Who better to sell that message than Whitney?
Call You Tonight
News flash - Stargate finally redeem themselves after recycling the same track for the past three years! I was beginning to think the Norwegian producers were the industry's worst one trick pony but they contribute two excellent and very different songs to "I Look To You". In fact, they are probably my two favourite cuts on the album. I love songs that capture an everyday thought or emotion - even something as lame as making time to stay in touch - and "Call You Tonight" does that perfectly. I was even tempted to email this song to a certain someone but decided not to push my luck. I really don't think this is single material but it's completely adorable (particularly when Whitney ad libs "sho' enough") and I find myself coming back to it time and again.
I Look To You
As much as I hate to praise anything connected with vile piss pig/paedophile R Kelly, the album's title track is classic Whitney. A lot of people find "I Look To You" incredibly boring but I think it's timeless and beautiful. I love the inspirational lyrics and splashes of gospel. This is the kind of track that Whitney would have ridden all the way to #1 in the 80s but times have changed and it seems a little old fashioned now. I guess that torpedoes its commercial prospects but it's one of the main reasons I love it - "I Look To You" takes me back to the days when Whitney spent more time talking to Jesus than her dealer. Call me sentimental but it's touching to see her come full circle.
Like I Never Left (Featuring Akon)
Thankfully this is the only track with a cameo appearance by a pointless urban star. Not that Akon's presence is offensive. "Like I Never Left" is actually a sweet mid-tempo ballad and one of only two songs that Whitney had a hand in writing. The lyrics are particularly telling. When Whitney sings "I want you to love me like I never left", you know the lyrics have a double meaning. My biggest problem with the song is its lack of bite. "Like I Never Left" never gets out of second gear - making it perfect elevator music but a bit of a letdown given the tracks that precede it.
A Song For You
I almost had a heart attack when I realised this was Leon Russell's 1970 classic.The Carpenters' versionis one of my all time favourite songs and I can't think of a more appropriate track for Whitney to cover. The lyrics take on a whole new meaning in this version. On the face of it, "A Song For You" is a simple love song but you could also interpret the lyrics as an apology of sorts to her fans - "Your image of me is what I hope to be, I've treated you unkindly but can't you see there's noone more important to me". This has to be a single. Stargate's decision to transform the song from a ballad into the album's only real dance track is absolutely inspired. My favourite track on the album.
I Didn't Know My Own Strength
I think I vomited into my mouth when I first heard that Diane fucking Warren was writing Whitney's comeback anthem. As it happens "I Didn't Know My Own Strength" was only a promo single (record companies need to stop pulling that shit - it's completely pointless) and, surprisingly, turned out to be rather lovely. This song is all about the lyrics and Whitney delivers them beautifully. Strangely, I vastly prefer hearing the song live. The studio version is a bit too sterile, while Whitney's performance on Oprah was all the more poignant for her vocal shortcomings. This track also has the best fan nickname - "I Didn't Know My Own Stamina To Take Drugs"!
Worth It
Now this is a grower. Penned and produced by rising urban hotshot Eric Hudson, "Worth It" is the kind of soulful slow jam that Karyn White and Jennifer Holliday were cranking out in the mid-80s. The emphasis is on mood and atmosphere rather than cheap samples and throwaway hooks. I love Whitney's voice on this and enjoy the song more each time I hear it. "Worth It" is probably best described as quality filler.
For The Lovers
Danja returns for one of the album's few upbeat club bangers. Again, it's restrained and age appropriate but still fresh and edgy. I particularly love hearing those heavy synths and dance loops. I can only imagine how hot the inevitable remixes will be. This could Whitney's biggest club anthem since "It's Not Right But It's Okay". The lyrics are made for the dancefloor - particularly the classy line "and if your lover ain't around, that don't mean you can't get down"! Surely this will be released as a single in the not too distant future.
I Got You
"I Got You" is one of my least favourite tracks on the album. Like Akon's other contribution "Like I Never Left", the song is nice enough but perhaps a little too safe. I like the synths at the beginning but then the song falls into mid-tempo urban mediocrity. One of my few criticisms of the album is the fact that the second half is noticeably weaker than the first half. I guess that's where iTunes comes into its own - you can just pretend the duds don't exist. Interestingly, this is the other track that Whitney co-write. Strangely, it's probably the least personal on the album.
Salute
R Kelly packs away his plastic sheets to produce the album's closing track. Again, it pains me to say that I really, really like this. "Salute" reminds me of Destiny's Child at the peak of their late 90s fierceness - particularly with lyrics like "I feel like doing my hair, I feel like callin' some of my friends, I feel like going to my club and partyin'". Think of this as a four minute fuck you note to Bobby Brown, complete with militaristic beat and a plethora of subtle but catchy hooks. All in all, a fitting conclusion to a great album. In the song Whitney sings "don't call it a comeback" but with "I Look To You" she pulls off one of the best in recent memory.
This was my 9th Pop Panel and I'm still no better at predicting winners. I thought this week's champion was a dark horse at best but the victorious diva kicked the competition to the curb and posted one of the highest scores in Panel history. It's a great song and a deserving winner but I'm not convinced it's quite as amazing as my fellow judges seem to think. Speaking of those hos, this week's Panel consists of:
In addition to those guys we also have a celebrity judge - Natalie from RAEN. I'm a big fan of the group and consider them one of the most underrated pop acts in Australia. The girls spent most of last year trying to crack the UK pop scene but have returned home to release their amazing debut album, which is currently available to download from iTunes. "After The Storm" is fantastic from beginning to end and includes their recent club smash "Honey" as well as their latest single "Drama Fanatic" (below). I'm slightly miffed at the absence of the amazing "Get Right Back" but the rest of the songs more than make up for it. Natalie tells me that the girls are gearing up for a national tour, so keep an eye on RAEN's myspace for more details. I can't wait to see them strut their stuff live! Here are the results in order from least to most popular:
A Romanian underwear model launches her music career with a little help from Basshunter.
Jay: Complete and utter fucking SHITE! I can't believe someone covered that shitefest to start with... and it is getting played on Clubland TV with irritating frequency. 0/5 John: I've heard this a few times, and it does not age well. The original's a Euro-pop classic, so any cover will pale in comparison. And what's up with the black light GaGa look? 1/5 Mike: Alina is a vision of class and elegance. I love her stunning vocodered vocals and the catchy O-Zone sample. They should give more Romanian hookers record deals! 4/5 Natalie: Basshunter's beats can make a track quite strong but there's nothing special about this remake. She gets a point for the neon. Gotta get some neon makeup for my next night out! 3/5 Rob: The United Nations have to ban this song from ever being sampled, covered or performed only unless its the original. Utter shit. 0/5 Paul: Isn't this essentially the same song that some weird boyband recorded a couple of years ago and the video was of them running around some plane? It's really not very good in this made for the masses boobs out dance genre, is it? The answer to that question is "no". 1/5 The Prophet: One of my favourite things in the world is glamour models becoming pop stars, but this sucks ass, and not in the good way. T.I. & Rihanna's Numa Numa sample in "Live Your Life" shits all over this trash. 0/5 Total: 9/35
X Factor reject Chenai covers Sarah Connor's "Bounce".
Jay: Stunning! With massive mammaries to rival the infamous DanniiBaps, some suitable talent in the video and a nice almost 90's vibe. 4.5/5 John: The vocals are okay, the track is kinda hot, but they don't mesh. Kind of a hot mess all wrapped up in a bad video. 2/5 Mike: A hideous destruction of Sarah's only international hit! Not impressed. 0/5 Natalie: Sorry but I prefer the original, and baby those melons are about to bounce out the door! 1/5 Paul: It's a testament to Chenai's personality and distinctive voice that an X-factor nut like me doesn't even remember who she is. And oh goodie, a dance cover of a song designed for the made for the masses boobs out dance genre. I am getting tired of these faceless tunes. I'm even starting to like Cascada. Sweet Jesus. 2/5 Rob: I'd much prefer the original singer release this in the UK however Chenai is okay. The video is amazing. Love it. 3/5 The Prophet: You must know that you've really hit the bottom of the barrel when you're covering Sarah Connor. 0/5 Total: 12.5/35
Jay: I could only endure 35 seconds of this aural turd - and as for the video, it is so desperately try hard, it makes Tranny CaCa look positively demure, understated and frumpy. 0/5 John: Why didn't he just call this "Major Tom (Coming Home), The Sequel"? It's okay, but it could have been great. He just got lazy. 3/5 Mike: Everything about this song is great except Patrick. Shame because the production is dazzling and the lyrics are fantastic. Maybe he should start writing for other people. 2/5 Natalie: Haven't heard of Patrick but a very original video & great special effects. Love the use of strings in this track. 3/5 Paul: Oh fuck. I really don't like Patrick, but I do like everything about this tune with one exception: His voice. It just doesn't work for me. It sounds pretty decent in the chorus but the tone of it grates on me. Quite good song though (I can see why he's pissed at La Poux) so overall. 3/5 Rob: There are cutting edge looks and looking like a bit of a prat. Patrick falls in-between the two. However only the video gives off that impression. The song itself is very good. It's held back by his voice but give "Hard Times' to Andreas Kleerup and he'd make it amazing. At the moment it stands too near the cliff labelled "trying too hard to be cool". 2/5 The Prophet: I hated the video with a passion but if I close my eyes and just focus on the music it's all good. The beat sounds like Britney's "Toxic" on acid. 4/5 Total: 17/35
Malena Gracia – Quiero Volar (Below)
Busty Spanish gay icon releases her latest club anthem.
Jay: Iconic! The video looks like cheap "Babe Station" erotica - and I was expecting the two blokes to start going at it hammer & tongs at any moment! A stunning slice of throw away Spanish Pop. 4.5/5 John: I might have liked it more if I hadn't watched the video. Not bad, but it sure ain't great. Even her dancers are middle-aged! 2.5/5 Mike: Madonna wishes she had one tenth of Malena's talent and beauty. 5/5 Natalie: Spanish vocals always seem to make a song sexier. Great vocals & a great rack to match! 3/5 Paul: Her sultry vocal style and the lush way the Spanish lyrics dance over the melody and bounce off the beats raise this up from generic club thumper (which certainly the backing track is) to quite enticing but not quite brilliant flamenco epic. 3.5/5 Rob: She gives Spanish europop a bad name. 0/5 The Prophet: This can't be serious. 0/5 Total: 18.5/35 Cobra Starship Ft Leighton Meester – Good Girls Go Bad (Video)
Gossip Girl star teams up with Cobra Starship for her pop debut.
Jay: MEH. Rather forgettable and sounds like Rihanna meets one SHIT wonders Bodyrockers. 1/5 John: I SO want to hate this song, but resistance is futile. 3/5 Mike: This sums up everything good about American pop at the moment. It's a collision of pop, rock, urban and electro elements with one hell of a catchy chorus. 4/5 Natalie: Leighton looks absolutely gorgeous and is a great singer. Looking forward to more from her, oh and I love her red shoes in the clip! 4/5 Paul: I'm surprised by how much I like this. It's quite the thrashy punk pop anthem that every now and then appeals to me greatly. And of course it has Blair Waldorf warbling along in a not displeasing way. OMFG!! 4/5 Rob: Autotune princess alert! Wow, this is so close to being good it's tragic. I think with time I'll start to see something qualitative in it but at the moment its like a focus group de-selected all the current smash hits in the charts and produced Good Girls Go Bad. As a consequence, every second sounds like a snippet of another song of the last 15 months. Its a monster of song but in the beautifully grotesque Frankenstein way. Its been pieced together from the caste-off pieces of other pop songs and gives off the odour of nasty death. 0/5 The Prophet: I was obsessed with this when it first leaked but the appeal wears off quickly. It's still a good and catchy electro pop-rock track though, and Leighton is pretty fierce even if she's jacking Holly Valance's swag (google 'Body Control'). 3.5/5 Total: 19.5/35
Jay: Whitney Binter needs to fuck off - I'm glad this has been removed so I don't have to endure this crack addicted vibrator loving train wreck and her shitefests. 0/5 John: Crack IS whack. It actually isn't that bad of a vocal, but she's a shadow of what she used to be. 2.5/5 Mike: The perfect comeback. It would have been ridiculous for Whitney to return with a love song or club banger. "I Didn't Know My Own Strength" is a musical letter of explanation to her fans. The lyrics sometimes sound like they were stolen from a Hallmark card but Whitney sings her heart out. I particularly love the subtle production. This could have easily been a hellish Leona Lewis scream-a-thon with a tacky Eurovision key change. Instead, it takes the high road and leaves the focus on Whitney's battered but still beautiful voice. As it should be. 4.5/5 Nat: I'm a massive Whitney fan and she has undeniably one of the best female voices of all time but this song is so cheesy! I hope the rest of the album is of better quality. 2/5 Paul: Hmmm. When I first heard this, i didn't hate it but I was grossly disappointed. It just didn't scream epic return to the top of the charts. I hate hate hate to say it but Whitters (which really should be her twitter name) should have come back with the last 2 PCD songs (J'Ai Ho and Hush Hush - they would have been even more massive whitneyfied) - that would have at least kept her somewhat relevant. However, the more I hear this, the more I am warming to it, and her crack addled voice now comes across as a smoky chantreuse sort of vibe. Hurrah. I re-like Whitters. 3.5/5 Rob: This has so much potential but fails to deliver the money shot. Its like the song itself "didn't know its own strength". There are moments when you expect it to go all Shirley Bassey but the drama never comes. Tragically. It has nearly everything else. Great lyrics. Powerful strings and wonderful beats. All that its missing is glorious key change after the middle eight. 2/5 The Prophet: Subtle, understated, powerful, emotional! Half-Whit shows ya'll how to be a REAL diva, and refuses to succumb to cheap pop trends like Mariah did. 5/5 Total: 19.5/35
The English language debut from Korea's biggest girlband.
Jay: Fabulous! I love almost everything about it and it craps all over VILE talentless trollops Hoez Afoul and the SaTURDays from an infinite height.Though the chorus could use a bit more bite. 4/5 John: The song's really good, but the second singer's vocal just killed the momentum. And two weeks in a row with the toilets? Come on! 4/5 Mike: I slightly prefer the original Korean version but the song is still sublime. "Nobody" is everything Girls Aloud tried and failed to achieve with "The Promise" - perfect retro pop with nods to The Three Degrees and The Shirelles. 5/5 Natalie: Surprisingly this has to be my favourite! I'm loving the Wonder Girls. A funny and clever video. The girls have great choreography and is quite a catchy song. 4/5 Rob: I am not impressed. This could be performed by absolutely anybody. There is a severe lack of character. Louise could have recorded this back in 1996. 0/5 Paul: The only element of wonder in the wonder girls is it is a wonder they even have a record contract at all. 1/5 The Prophet: This so one of those stupid insanely catchy songs that ends up being a massive smash, like Mambo #5 or something. Wonder Girls are my new obsession! 5/5 Total: 23/35
SINGLE OF THE WEEK
Jay: Take that Beyawnsay and Smelly! You bitches ain't got no shit on LeToya (and probably on LaTavia or LaTisha or whatever her name was). Bonus points for the showering bloke in Zee Altugevvah! Reminds me of La Lopez back in her J Lo diva mode. 5/5 John: NOW we're talkin'. This is the hotness, even without a shower scene! 4.5/5 Mike: LeToya brings some old school diva attitude to the table with this jam. I love the hot beats and the fierce lyrics. I can't wait for her album. 4.5/5 Natalie: Liking the attitude.. but she ain't got shit on RAEN! LOL 2/5 Paul: Charming title aside, this is ok. I think it's fair to say this is probably the most different of the solo destiny tracks floating around this summer. 2.5/5 Rob: Finally something with a slick beat, rnb backdrop and electro echoes. Woah, she's even secured a catchy chorus. None of the other songs contain anything close to a remarkable catchy chorus. This is pop quality here. I love this. To be sure the lyrics are "ahem" but putting that aside every moment of this song contains new elements that make love it even more. If I could give it 6/5 i would! But I can't. 5/5 The Prophet: Kelly Rowland could never... Beyonce could never... All ya faves could never... 5/5 Total: 28.5/35
I grew up listening to Whitney Houston. Her debut was the soundtrack to every dinner party my mother held in the mid-80s (along with Sade’s “Diamond Life”) and 1987’s “Whitney” was the first album I bought. My interest waned during the Bobby Brown years but “I Look To You” reignited the flame and I couldn’t wait to see the legendary diva drag her crack ravaged carcass around the stage despite the abysmal reviews. Critics have ridiculed Whitney’s voice, questioned her professionalism and mocked her wardrobe. And it’s hard to disagree. Her rendition of “The Greatest Love Of All” was a travesty, she often appeared 
Unfortunately, the Whitney express was destined for a head on collision. The intermission was her first big mistake. It was great to hear her brother sing and I loved her band’s version of “Queen Of The Night” but the “One Moment In Time” video montage was a potent reminder of the sad decline in Whitney’s voice. She didn’t help her cause by returning to the stage wearing a transparent black top and what at first glance looked like a fluffy car seat cover. Her hair was also sweat soaked and limp, making the entire ensemble less than flattering. The acoustic section that followed was very hit and miss. “Saving All My Love For You” was rough but poignant, while “The Greatest Love Of All” was heartbreakingly bad. Whitney redeemed herself somewhat with a respectable take on “All At Once” before really coming through on “I Learned From The Best”, which was probably her best vocal performance of the night.
