Solange - I Decided

It's no secret that I have a bit of a fetish for less successful celebrity siblings. Laura Imbruglia, La Toya Jackson and Dannii have all featured prominently on Pop Trash Addicts and I recently opened my heart to the musical genius that is Ashlee Simpson. Well, it's time to usher a new floptastic sister into the fold - welcome aboard, Solange Knowles! I've always had a soft spot for this poor bitch. While Beyonce has spent most of the decade selling millions and collecting awards, all Solange has managed to do is get knocked up and release an album that fell down the charts faster than Dannii's knickers at a lesbian bar. Just when you thought things couldn't get any worse, Solange was reduced to making a cameo appearance in a Destiny's Child video clip (at approximately 3:30 mins) and "starring" in Z grade movies like the straight to video classic "Bring It On: All Or Nothing". Yes, it must be cold there in Beyonce's shadow but at least she has Kelly Rowland to keep her company!

Mercifully, this sorry tale of woe appears to have a happy ending. Solange not only found a niche as a very impressive songwriter (Beyonce's "Get Me Bodied" and Michelle Williams' incredibly fabulous "We Break The Dawn") but she's also back with a new track of her own - and for the first time in her career, she could have a hit on her hands! "I Decided" is breathtakingly good. Solange has obviously spent a lot of time listening to Motown because the song is a veritable tribute to sweet soul music of the 60s and 70s. The glorious Freemasons Remix wouldn't sound out of place on a Supremes compilation! This really should have been the version promoted to radio. The minimalisn of the Neptunes produced original takes a bit of getting used to but it's still very appealing. Make sure you check out the amazing video (below). Beyonce wishes she could come up with something this fabulous! Solange's second album, intriguingly titled "Sol-Angel And The Hadley Street Dreams", is released in August.

Ashlee Simpson - Bittersweet World

After weeks of living a lie, the time has come to kick my way out of closet. Yes bitches, I'm finally ready to admit to the world that I am an Ashlee Simpson fan. Sweet baby Jesus, give me courage! I'm sure some of you will be appalled by my shocking confession but there's really no need to stage an intervention. I know how shit she is and I simply don't care. I've always thought that charisma and vocal talent were highly overrated qualities in a pop star and Ashlee proves me right with her stunning new album. "Bittersweet World" has renewed my waning faith in American pop music and (temporarily) disproves my theory that Timbaland is the spawn of Satan, brought forth from the depths of hell to strip our favourite divas of all their remaining dignity. Most importantly, the poster child for natural beauty and artistic integrity has singlehandedly brought the fun back to popular music with her trashy batch of pop gems. I feel like a new man since humbly opening my heart to dear Ashlee and I implore you to welcome this beacon of light into your own life!

I've enjoyed the occasional single over the years ("Pieces Of Me" and "Boyfriend" come to mind) but I never really paid much attention to Ashlee the popstar. I wanted to like her given my penchant for craptastic celebrity siblings with plastic surgery addictions (hello Dannii & La Toya!) but the majority of her songs belong in the same waste disposal unit as Avril Lavigne's entire back catalogue. Needless to say, I was more than a bit surprised when the first single from "Bittersweet World" turned out to be very good indeed. "Outta My Head (Ay Ya Ya)" reinvents Ashlee as the poor man's Gwen Stefani, which I'm sure you'll agree is a huge improvement! Sounding like a cross between Soft Cell and Devo, Timbaland has crafted one of the year's catchiest pop tunes. As much as I enjoy the album's first single, I only decided to buy "Bittersweet World" after randomly hearing "Boys" at the supermarket! I know I say it in every second post but this could well be my favourite song of 2008. People Magazine describes "Boys" as "the best Kylie Minogue song that Kylie never did" and I see the likeness. The playful lyrics and addictive chorus wouldn't be out of place on "X" but I think the obvious influence is Blondie. I love the warmth of the instrumentation and the production is just exquisite. Chad Hugo (the other half of The Neptunes) and Kenna camouflage Ashlee's glorious reed thin voice perfectly, making her sound like a new woman. Fuck off, haters - this is flawless pop!

The rest of the album isn't too bad either. The experimentation continues with the quirky "Rule Breaker", a cute anthem about Ashlee's naughty ways. Timbland throws in a multitude of catchy hooks and the unconvincing lyrics are downright amusing. I just don't buy Ashlee as a bad girl. I'm guessing the most rebellious thing she's done lately is using Pete's hair iron as a dildo. After a hugely innovative beginning, "Bittersweet World" settles into more familiar territory with "No Time For Tears". Strangely, it doesn't suck. In fact,this crunchy mix of guitars and beats is probably my second favourite song on the album. I love the uplifting chorus and the lyrics appeal to me. The album's first real misstep is the ill advised second single. "Little Miss Obsessive" just sounds like every other mid-tempo slice of soft rock on American radio. It's not awful, just generic and uninspired. Thankfully, the same can't be said about "Ragdoll" and the album's title track. I have so much more time for Timbaland when he tries to breathe new life into an artist's existing style (ie. Nelly Furtado) as opposed to carelessly throwing them onto his conveyor belt of lifeless urban pop (ie. Madonna). "Ragdoll" takes Ashlee's rock sound and freshens it up with layers of beats, while "Bittersweet World" adds an element of Madness inspired ska into the mix. Both sound completely different to Ashlee's usual output without turning her into something she's not.

"What I've Become" is one of the more personal songs on "Bittersweet World". Ashlee sings "it's so strange that all these blessings could be a curse", making this an obvious response to all the disgusting haters who ridicule her every move. Keep your chin up, my sweet cherub! "What I've Become" is also of note as the most straightforward rock track that Timbland has ever produced. Things get a little crazy from here on in. "Hot Stuff" is just bizarre - Ashlee opens with the sure to be immortal lyric "I walk into your joint with a hoodie on, don't need a short skirt to get it on" before singing some crap about being drunk and lifting her legs in the air. I love it! Chad Hugo uses every trick from the Neptunes handbook on this memorable number. Not to be outdone, Timbaland's "Murder" (unsuccessfully) attempts to throw in what can only be described as an urban rock number. It doesn't work but it certainly is interesting. "Bittersweet World" concludes with a fairly insipid ballad ("Never Dream Alone"), which is a shame because the bonus tracks are fantastic. "Invisible" was actually released as an American single in 2006 and still holds up as one of Ashlee's best guitar pop anthems, while "Follow You Wherever You Go" has to be heard to be believed! This piss take is sung from the perspective of a stalker, complete with anecdotes about kidnapping a supermodel and several bizarre spoken interludes. "Bittersweet World" isn't a masterpiece but it is a hell of a lot of fun. Treat yourself to this most guilty of pleasures.

Dannii-tastic!

I am getting old. I recently came across a Young Talent Time fanzine that I purchased with my pocket money back in 1988. That's 19 fucking years ago!! It's only a matter of time before I start buying Michael Crawford CDs and need a walking stick. I can only hope to age as gracefully as Dannii, who is still a vision of youthful loveliness all these years later. I have literally been a Holidannii fan for as long as I can remember. It's quite amazing really.

The fanzine features a lovely article about Dannii, which contains some truly fabulous pics and wonderful quotes. According to the article, Dannii's favourite hobby is kayaking (!) and she was apparently planning on having a "I Should Be So Lucky" sized hit of her own. Poor, poor Dannii. Check out the article and pics at Dannii's Dirty Box. By the way, how gorgeous is the above photo of Dannii and Natalie Miller (Kylie's preferred backing vocalist)? Those skirts are divine! The pic of Dannii with her curling iron also had me in stitches!

La Toya's "Hit" - I Don't Play That

As a loud and proud Toy Soldier (see my La Toya dictionary), it deeply pains me to speak ill of the most talented Jackson to emerge from the hallowed grounds of Havenhurst. I firmly believe that Toy Toy is the most underrated pop singer in musical history. Which other act has released 9 phenomenal albums over the space of 20 years, yet has no hits to show for it? This all seemed destined to change when "Startin' Over" leaked last year to a rapturous fan reception. "Startin' Over" was one of my 10 favourite albums of 2006 and her stunning ode to the Jackson family, "Home", was my favourite song. La Toya looked certain to finally emerge from the shadow of her siblings in 2007 with a re-worked version of "Startin Over" and a hot reality TV series, "Armed & Famous".

However, in true toytastic style, La Toya's show was cancelled - just as she had recorded an appalling song called "Armed & Famous" to cash in on the series. Instead of scrapping the song and retaining her dignity, La Toya and her ingenious label decided to simply change the song's title to "I Don't Play That" and re-launch La Toya's career with a novelty song about La Toya's escapades as a celebrity policewoman. "I Don't Play That" is wrong on so many levels, that it is something of a craptastic masterpiece. A 50 year old woman singing about her glock is rather amusing, particularly when La Toya's only experience with crime was posing as a transsexual prostitute in order to arrest johns on a reality TV show. However, I am one of the few people who don't consider La Toya to be a joke and it pains me that all the good work she has done over the past couple of years is being undone by this stinker.

But what do I know? The song is actually gaining some airplay and it is currently sitting at #331 on the Billboard R'n'B charts - by La Toya's standards that is a veritable smash hit! Furthermore, Toy's useless record company has even made this hilarious internet advertisement to promote the song. For La Toya's sake, I hope it's a hit. I just have my fingers crossed that this is a small blip on an otherwise fabulous career.

Laura Imbruglia - Pop Genius

My love for all things Laura Imbruglia has only grown deeper after finally getting my hands on her second EP "My Dream Of A Magical Washing Machine". Laura's sound has changed quite radically from her debut EP, which was an acoustic set dedicated to the Carpenters. This time around, the most talented Imbruglia sister pays homage to Freddie Mercury (see the "Ready Freddie" label on the single cover). The result is a more robust sound that still remains true to Laura's unique brand of harmony drenched, literate pop.

The title track also appears on Laura's brilliant debut album and stands out as a genuine pop oddity. It goes without saying that this is the only song ever written about "a washing machine that doubles as a jukebox". It's also highly likely that it is the only ditty to name check both the Pet Shop Boys and Russell Crowe's band, 30 Odd Foot Of Grunt. While there are many acts that specialise in bizarre and obtuse lyrics, I never get the feeling that Laura is desperately trying to show off her intellect - unlike a latter day Tori Amos or Bjork, to name just two regular culprits. Laura never allows her quirky sensibility get in the way of a catchy chorus or sweet harmonies. For that reason alone, Laura Imbruglia stands out as a shiny oasis in the putrid sea of pretentious singer/songwriters.

If the song "My Dream Of A Magical Washing Machine" is a respectful nod to Freddie, then "Two Cockatoos" is very much a throwback to her first, Carpenters inspired EP. The song is little more than a demo that was recorded in Laura's home but it stands out as one of the most arresting songs that I have stumbled across this year (even if it was released in 2005). Basically, Laura has written a gorgeous little song about killing her mentally ill bird because it refused to drink tap water. It sounds wrong on so many levels but "Two Cockatoos" is a demented masterpiece. If you ignore Laura's heavy Australian accent and the bizarre lyrics, "Two Cockatoos" could easily be mistaken for the kind of gentle guitar pop that was being churned out en masse in California in the 1970s. The chirping bird sounds and harmonic backing vocals bring forth images of another place and time. Laura is swiftly becoming one of my favourite singers, I can't wait to hear what the Napoleon Dynamite of pop serves up next!

If you like what you hear, you can still buy the EP at Chaos. Laura's debut album can be purchased from Sanity and Chaos.