Alicia Keys & The Element Of Freedom

Until this week I've been what you'd call a casual Alicia Keys fan. I've always admired her talent and loved the occasional song ("No One", "Karma" and "You Don't Know My Name" spring to mind) but I never really connected with her as a person. She always seemed a little too perfect and untouchable to me. Kind of like Whitney in the late 80s before she discovered crack. Well, Alicia's normally immaculate facade is starting to look a little vulnerable. The lead singles from her latest album have underperformed, the diva has battled depression and she's currently embroiled in a major scandal after shacking up with Swizz Beats. Strangely enough, I love floptastic, homewrecking Alicia! There is actually a real person in there and she's just as flawed and messed up as the rest of us. I finally feel her emotional turmoil and there's plenty of that on "The Element Of Freedom". As usual, Alicia doesn't stray far from matters of the heart but this time around she's working with a broader musical palette. The piano based ballads are still there but they're now mixed with synth drenched mid-tempo pop songs and even a club banger of a duet with Beyoncé. "The Element Of Freedom" won't appeal to everyone but it's a late (and very unexpected) contender for my album of the year. I hope this review inspires the AK haters to listen this remarkable artist with unbiased ears.

The Element Of Freedom (Intro)

I hate intros and interludes - and this is no exception. Alicia talks about blooming into a flower from a "tightly closed" bud. I think that's a fancy way of saying that freedom is having the courage to take chances and be yourself. Awww.

Love Is Blind

From the opening onslaught of piano and synths, it's immediately apparent that Alicia has finally moved on from the straightforward soul of her previous albums. I really like Jeff Bhasker's evocative and sparse production but this is one of my least favourite songs on the album. That being said, "Love Is Blind" perfectly sets the mood for "The Element Of Freedom" and has a haunting quality that I find quite beautiful. However, the best is definitely yet to come.

Doesn't Mean Anything

The album's much maligned lead single stalled at #60 in America and missed the charts completely in Australia. It was widely labelled as the poor man's "No One" and some critics even accused the diva of being a one trick pony. While "Doesn't Mean Anything" could easily fit on any of Alicia's previous albums, I think it's unfair to criticise her for exploring familiar themes. Aretha and Stevie covered similar ground for most of their careers without having to justify themselves. Personally, I love the song. Sure, it's a bit soppy but it appeals to the hopeless romantic in me and I love the simplicity of the arrangement. My only problem with "Doesn't mean Anything" is the fact that it's too subtle for a lead single and completely misrepresents the rest of the album.

Try Sleeping With A Broken Heart

Now this is more like it. The album's second single channels the 80s with an explosion of synths and keyboards. The lyrics are typically dramatic - Alicia definitely paints in bold strokes when it comes to expressing emotions - but I can identify with the song's love sick/slightly deluded narrator more than I care to admit. "Try Sleeping With A Broken Heart" isn't exactly setting the charts on fire either but hopefully it's something of a grower. It's such a treat to hear Alicia explore new sounds and with this she proves she's just as adept at knocking out pop songs as she is writing soul ballads.

Wait Till You See My Smile

And the award for my favourite song on "The Element Of Freedom" goes to the gorgeous "Wait Till You See My Smile" (well, equal favourite with "Empire State Of Mind"). The song is an absolutely essential addition to the canon of I'll show 'em/wait till they see me now anthems. However, unlike the majority of those songs (see Kina's fabulous "Girl From The Gutter") - this is completely lacking in bitterness and spite. Rather Alicia has written a self-empowerment mantra for herself. I love the production on this. The combination of piano and keyboards against a backdrop of pretty synths is stunning and the lyrics are genuinely inspiring: "You don't really need 'em, cause you're stronger and you're better and you're ready for whatever". Sing it, Alicia. This is kind of random but does the song remind anyone else of Carly Simon's 1989 hit "Let The River Run"? The older gays might see where I'm coming from.

That's How Strong My Love Is

After experimenting with new production techniques, Ms Keys returns to her trademark piano based soul sound on the self-produced "That's How Strong My Love Is". The woman's talent is actually kind of scary. I can't think of any other diva in pop who could create something this good on their own. Sure, it's another slightly over the top love song but why fuck with a winning formula? I love Alicia's voice on this - she really lets loose and shows off her range. Some people might find the lyrics a little clichéd but I just think they're sweet and romantic. I clearly share her all or nothing approach to love. I bet we're the same star sign. (Edit: Yep, we're both January babies)

Unthinkable (I'm Ready)

Brace yourself, stalkers - you have a new theme song! I'm pretty sentimental but even I would run in the opposite direction if someone said "I was wondering maybe, could I make you a baby?" Disturbing lyrics aside, there's an old school R'n'B feel to this languid jam that is actually rather appealing. A solid album track.

Love Is My Disease

This is interesting. "Love Is My Disease" is a co-production between longtime collaborator Kerry "Krucial" Brothers and Toby Gad (Fergie's "Big Girls Don't Cry" and Beyoncé's "If I Were A Boy"). The result is a mid-tempo guitar pop song with a distinct traces of reggae and ska. It shouldn't work but it does. The more organic production breaks up the album nicely and Alicia writes about the dark underbelly of love with insight and honesty.

Like The Sea

"Wait Till You See My Smile" and "Empire State Of Mind" might be my favourite songs on the album but "Like The Sea" is a very close equal second with the Beyoncé duet. This mesmerising extended metaphor doubling as a pop song is as clever as it is catchy. It kind of reminds me of vintage Stevie Wonder. I love the dark, atmospheric production and the line "love is like the sea, leaves you on your knees - first you're floating high then it takes you, takes you under" is one of my favourite lyrics of the year. Alicia speaks the truth.

Put It In A Love Song (Duet With Beyoncé)

This duet is whole reason I checked out "The Element Of Freedom" in the first place. As most of you know, I'm a devout Beyjesus convert and I couldn't wait to hear her second superstar duet in the space of a month. I thought Beyoncé's Lady GaGa collaboration ("Telephone" not "Videophone"!) was pretty extraordinary but I think I prefer "Put It In A Love Song". It's a ridiculously catchy urban pop tune in the vein of "Single Ladies". This is the most commercial track Alicia has recorded since she teamed up with Eve on "Gangsta Lovin'". I love the camp intro and the divas battle their way through the verses before joining forces on a brilliant chorus. My favourite part is the "work it out, gotta work it out" breakdown. Swizz Beats also brings his A game to the production - it's effortlessly slick and the hand claps are a nice touch. Fingers crossed this is released as a single.

This Bed

Alicia continues to try new things by exploring 70s funk on this slinky jam. The heavy bass mixes surprisingly well with the crisp synths and the sexy lyrics give the song an unexpected edge. "This Bed" wouldn't sound out of place on an early Prince record, which is high praise indeed. Another winning album track.

Distance And Time

The musical experimentation is momentarily put on hold for another piano ballad. "Distance And Time" sounds a lot like "Doesn't Mean Anything" - only better. They both share the same stripped back production and their themes aren't dissimilar. I tend to gravitate towards these sentimental ballads, so I'm not complaining. The reason I prefer this to "Doesn't Mean Anything" is the beautiful splash of gospel towards the end of the song and the sweetness of the lyrics. Warning - this will give you the urge to sway your lighter in the air and send someone a text that you will most probably later regret. I speak from experience.

How It Feels To Fly

Alicia Keys knows how to sing a restrained piano ballad better than anyone in the business but she doesn't do overblown power ballads very often. Which is probably why "How It Feels To Fly" is such a standout. This is the kind of tits out balladry that Mariah mastered in the 90s before her career was sabotaged by The-Dream. I like the fact that it isn't so much about love and relationships as taking chances and following your heart. It's about as subtle as a sledge hammer but a bit of melodrama never hurt anybody.

Empire State Of Mind (Part II)

I could and probably should devote an entire post to how much I love "Empire State Of Mind". I'm still pretty obssessed with the Jay Z original (currently at #1 for the 4th week in America) but I think Alicia's sequel surpasses it. There's something incredibly uplifting about this song. It perfectly captures the energy and inspiration you get from living in a big city - not to mention the hopes and dreams of its inhabitants. Alicia's version more so than Jay Z's because it has so much soul. I get goosebumps every time I hear "Empire State Of Mind (Part II)". A modern classic.

BONUS TRACKS

Through It All

Bonus tracks are usually pretty hit and miss but "The Element Of Freedom" boasts two absolute winners. "Through It All" is kind of like an Alicia Keys piano ballad on steroids. The sound is still very organic but the song is so upbeat and uplifting. I love the strings, the ruthless optimism of the lyrics and the breezy chorus. Alicia also delivers one of her best vocals. Send this to someone you love.

Prayer For Forgiveness

"Prayer For Forgiveness" is like the musical flipside of "Through It All". It's probably the album's darkest, most introspective moment but it gives me chills. The quasi-orchestral arrangement is lush and beautiful and it's refreshing to hear Alicia explore deeper issues than love and heartache. Lyrics like "I feel like my mind is haunting me, I think of every little mistake that has been made" lead me to believe that this was written about the diva's battle with depression. Interestingly the song was co-written by super songwriter for hire Linda Perry.

Stolen Moments

This is the album's iTunes bonus track. Unlike the other bonus tracks, I understand why this was left off the album. In a nutshell - it's a bit rubbish. Alicia teams up with an uncredited male vocalist (someone tell me who it is, it's driving me crazy) for a sleepy duet. It's nice enough but desperately in need of a chorus. Only for the AK faithful.

Dannii's 95 Sessions - Reviewed

If strong winds ruined your hairstyle and blew the washing off the line on Monday morning, never fear. It's not the onset of a hurricane - just music lovers around the world breathing a collective sigh of relief that Dannii's "The 95 Sessions" has finally been released. As most of you are probably aware, the Queen of Club's latest X Factor cash-in compiles material originally recorded for her third album way back in 1994-1995. Unfortunately, the album was scrapped (I blame Kylie's then waning popularity - that thoughtless bitch!) and the songs have spent the past fifteen years gathering dust. Probably in a box under Dannii's bed, next to her vibrators and lesbian porn... but I digress. I've always been hugely intrigued by the so called 'lost years' of Dannii's career and was genuinely excited about this release. So the big question is: Was it worth the wait? The answer is a resounding yes.

I hate to speak ill of Australia's greatest living talent, so I'll get a couple of criticisms out of the way first. Namely, a handful of tracks sound like rejects from "Get Into You". The faux R'n'B ballads will only appeal to Dannii's hardcore fans and the entire album sounds brutally dated. The thing is - I love "Get Into You" and of course the production is rougher than Britney's voice without autotune. After all, this shit is nearly 15 years old! Now for the good news. The majority of the album is a treasure trove of trashy 90s dance anthems. Songs like "Free Your Love", "Crazy (For Your Love)" and the original version of "Everlasting Night" are classics that deserved to be loved and cherished by fans. More importantly, "The 95 Sessions" documents Dannii's transformation from white Janet into the holy patron of gay nightclubs. It was during this period that our beloved icon began to explore club beats in earnest and first worked with long time collaborators Ian Masterson and Terry Ronald. The results are a bit patchy but the potential for pop greatness is palpable. Here is my track by track review:

Free Your Love

Of all the unreleased trash clogging up Nathan's iPod, this is the song I've been most desperate to hear. The prospect of Dannii collaborating with the Rapino Brothers had me salivating and the track took on an almost mystical status among fans after Dannii performed it along with the original "Everlasting Night" at several Pride events in the mid-90s. I'm pleased to say "Free Your Love" more than lives up to the hype. This exquisite dance anthem blends 90s house beats with Eurodance elements to stunning effect. I love Dannii's vocals and the soaring chorus is sublime. It has to be said that "Free Your Love" is better than anything the Rapino Brothers ever produced for Kylie ("Difficult By Design", "Gotta Move On" and the trashtastic "Aston Martin").

Skin Deep

I'm highly amused that the man behind @m8er's "Kill That Bitch" cut his teeth producing cheesy club anthems for Dannii. Ollie J certainly knows how to sniff out unique talent! The first of his two contributions to "The 95 Sessions" is a full blooded blast of 90s club goodness. The cheesy keyboards push all my buttons and the lyrics are typically inane dancefloor fodder. This reminds me of the early output of American divas like Kristine W and Ultra Nate. Not the best thing on the album but definitely worth checking out.

Love & Affection

Now this is cute. "Love & Affection" is a cheerful little pop tune with a catchy chorus and some of the album's crispest beats. It reminds me of an M People remix, which has to be a good thing.

Let Love Into Your Life

I feel like I'm repeating myself but "Let Love Into Your Life" is another unexpectedly accomplished dose of 90s dance music. This time around the sound is distinctly American - think Dannii meets C&C Music Factory - but it works brilliantly. The Queen of Club's unleashes one her strongest vocal performances and the backing vocalists add another layer to the song. The production is a little clumsy but this is a minor triumph.

Everlasting Night (Original Version)

"The 95 Sessions" is worth buying for the original "Everlasting Night" alone. The remake (a #42 smash hit in 1999) is a gay classic in Australia. I still remember the media furore over Dannii's lesbian kiss in the video and the song automatically evokes happy memories of Mardi Gras parties and clubbing adventures. However, as much as I love the 99 version, it pales in comparison to the original. I've had a demo of this (below) for years but hearing the song in high quality underlines its vast superority. I know the Droids will be out for blood when I say this but "Everlasting Night '95" strikes me as being very much a Kylie record. There's a vulnerability to Dannii's vocal delivery that I normally only associate with her sister. The song's melancholy/whimsical undertone - despite the perky lyrics and upbeat nature of the track - is also a Kylie trademark. I can't express how much I love this. It could have been Dannii's "Better The Devil You Know", making it almost as much of a missed opportunity as "Come & Get It".

The demo version of "Everlasting Night '95"

Crazy (For Your Love)

"Crazy (For Your Love)" is another contribution from One World (the producers behind "Everlasting Night") and it's only slightly less fabulous. I love the splashes of disco amongst all the Hi-NRG goodness and even pick up a faint hint of Stock Aitken Waterman. My only complaint is that it sounds unfinished. The verses are a little underdone and the production isn't as tight as it could be. This is a treat nonetheless.

Take My Time Loving You

You can basically copy everything I wrote about "Crazy (For Your Love)" and paste it here. Only "Take My Time Loving You" is slightly more commercial and has an ever so subtle Motown flavour. Good, solid pop.

Love In Me

I was wondering if the Queen of Club's would flaunt her sexy side on this collection and, as it turns out, she does. There's something innately fabulous about Dannii singing sultry lyrics like "Baby, take control" and "I wanna get your love in me tonight". Not exactly subtle! As much as I like sleazy Dannii, I think this is slightly disappointing - particularly given the involvement of the Rapino Brothers. The production is woefully dated and the chorus fails to fire. One of the few tracks I've been skipping.

Exclusively

Ollie J's second contribution to "The 95 Sessions" is a perky urban club jam. I think @m8er should cover "Exclusively" for her album - it's cute and holds up remarkably well. It's a bit of a throwback to "Get Into You" but if you like urban Dannii, this is very much worth checking out.

Love Will Find A Way

Another "Get Into You" type mid-tempo pop song with a smooth R'n'B sheen. I personally love this sound but I know a lot of fans hate it and the song doesn't fit particularly well with the dance anthems. The highlight is definitely the beautiful vocal. Terry Ronald really knows how to bring the best out of Dannii's heavenly pipes.

Don't Wanna Leave You Now

The poor man's "I Don't Wanna Take This Pain". The production is lush and Dannii's voice shines but "Don't Wanna Leave You Now" sounds like it should be blasting from an elevator. Dull and boring.

Coconut (Original Version)

This mess is an insult to the 98 version. Avoid at all costs!

Free Your Love (Extended Mix)

Blissful, even better than the album version. Dig out a lime green t-shirt, polish your glowsticks and dance to this jam like it's 1995.

"The Dance Sessions" was released in the UK on the 7th of December. You can order the CD from Amazon, HMV and Play.

Ricki-Lee, Jess & Paulini

I think it's time for a long overdue update on three of my favourite Australian Idol alumni. Jessica Mauboy, Ricki-Lee and Paulini have all been regulars on this blog over the years, were all members of Young Divas and all currently have new music out. Unfortunately, for Ricki-Lee and Paulini - that's where the similarities end. 2009 has been Jessica Mauboy's year. She's released a platinum album, scored five top 20 hit singles and somehow survived wearing the most unflattering outfit in ARIA history with her reputation still intact. I love Jess and think she has almost limitless potential but Sasha Fierce via Target is not the look! Anyway, Sony has squeezed out a 6th single from "Been Waiting" and it's one of the best so far. "Let Me Be Me" is a cute, mid-tempo urban pop tune written by long-time Kylie collaborator Karen Poole and new Sugababe Jade Ewen. I'm guessing it might have been intended for Jade at one point but it suits Jessica perfectly. The lyrics are sweet and the production (courtesy of The Deni's former righthand man 'Fingaz') is slick without being sterile. The video clip completely rips off Beyoncé's "Halo" but Jess has never looked lovelier. I wouldn't be surprised if this is yet another top 20 hit.

At the other end of the success spectrum is Paulini, who was dropped by her record label and reduced to appearing in tragic gay clubs across the nation. It's a shame because I honestly believe Paulini has the best voice to come out of Australian Idol. She just hasn't had a lot of luck selecting appropriate material or marketing herself as a pop star. Unfortunately, I don't think her latest release is much of an improvement on either front. "Scarless" is a beautifully performed ballad and showcases her glorious pipes but it doesn't exactly scream hit. I know it was released independently to raise money for victims of domestic violence but it would be great to hear Paulini belt out another upbeat pop tune ("Rough Day" or "Last Love") or an urban club banger like the fabulous "So Over You". The proceeds of "Scarless" go to charity, so download it from iTunes. The film clip is a surprisingly classy affair and deserves a look. Fingers crossed that this is the start of a full blown comeback next year.

Last but not least is Ricki-Lee. There was a time when I was completely obsessed with Ricki. I loved her second album and wrote about her every other week on Pop Trash Addicts. However, my interest has really waned this year. Returning to Australian Idol as a host was embarrassing, "Don't Miss You" left me cold and her turn as a Ralph cover girl reeked of desperation. It got so bad that I didn't even bother checking out her latest track until the physical single (above) arrived in the post. Imagine my surprise when I gave it a spin and realised that it was actually a stunning return to form. "Hear No, See No, Speak No" sounds like a cross between Ke$ha and Katy Perry. It's an effortlessly catchy serve of electro dance-pop with lashings of guitar to keep things interesting. The production is top notch and Ricki-Lee tears up the vocal. Disappointingly, the song is shaping up to be the biggest flop of the diva's career - stalling at a lowly #46 thus far. I blame the hilarious dominatrix video (below). Ricki needs to save the leather corset and riding crop for her home movies! "Hear No, See No, Speak No" is a future trash classic. I just wish there were remixes.

Madonna Vs David Guetta - Revolver

It must be a cold day in hell because I'm not totally repulsed by Madonna's latest offering. After the bad Dannii B-side that was "Celebration", the oldest woman in pop slightly redeems herself with the second single from her recent Greatest Hits compilation. The album version of "Revolver" is utterly tragic - fact - but calling in David Guetta to overhaul the song was a wise move. The Frenchman mercifully deletes Lil' Wayne's embarrassing rap, speeds up the plodding beats and trims away all the excess padding. Unfortunately, he can't do anything about the plethora of bad metaphors littering the lyrics but the marriage of sex and violence works a lot better in this version. The end result wouldn't sound out of place on Rihanna's gruesome "Rated R" - if that shit actually contained fun music. I really hope they go with this as the radio edit. It's kind of nice to enjoy a Madonna single again (it hasn't happened since 2006's "Get Together") and I think it's only fair she reap some benefit from the current electro-dance craze. After all, the super cougar was already burning up the dancefloor years before Lady GaGa and Ke$ha were even born. Check out Madonna Vs David Guetta below. The robotastic extended version is even better but I can't find it on youtube.

Now that I've finally had something nice to say, can Madonna's army of trolls please stop spamming my email over this highly accurate post? Cheers.

Beyjesus & The Grammys

Earlier in the week I was discussing the validity of the ARIAs with a friend and made an off the cuff remark about the Grammys being even worse. Well, the joke's on me because this year's nominations are the best in recent memory - if not ever. Instead of selecting the usual suspects, the voters have moved into the 21st century and rewarded the biggest names in popular music. I'm ecstatic that Beyoncé leads the pack with 10 well deserved nods but also very happy that Lady GaGa, The Black Eyed Peas and Taylor Swift have been recognised for their achievements. Those four acts have shaped the charts around the globe in 2009 and all bring something different and exciting to the mix. I would have liked to see Whitney Houston score some nominations but the academy have clearly decided to look forward instead of backward. I guess she can take some solace in the fact that "I Look To You" has just sold its one millionth copy in the US. Anyway, here are my thoughts on some of the more important categories.

Record Of The Year

Halo - Beyoncé
I Gotta Feeling - The Black Eyed Peas
Use Somebody - Kings Of Leon
Poker Face - Lady GaGa
You Belong With Me - Taylor Swift

What an incredible line up! I can't remember ever liking all 5 nominees in this category. My choice is "Halo" (it's my favourite song of 2009) but I think the four pop anthems might cancel each other out - giving "Use Somebody" a slight edge. In any case, there will be a deserving winner.

Album Of The Year

I Am... Sasha Fierce - Beyoncé
The E.N.D. - The Black Eyed Peas
The Fame - Lady Gaga
Big Whiskey And The Groogrux King - Dave Matthews Band
Fearless - Taylor Swift

Beyoncé deserves this. "I Am... Sasha Fierce" is a career defining work that raised her from A-Lister to undisputed superstar. However, I'd be almost as happy if Lady GaGa won. "The Fame" is patchy but still contains 6 or 7 of the best dance-pop songs recorded in the past couple of years. My third choice would be "The E.N.D.", which I love. I don't think the Peas get enough recognition for their chart domination and this would be a nice pat on the back for actually selling records in a dying market. I don't mind "Fearless" either but Dave Matthews? Bitch, please.

Song Of The Year

Poker Face - Lady GaGa
Pretty Wings - Maxwell
Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It)- Beyoncé
Use Somebody - Kings Of Leon
You Belong With Me - Taylor Swift

"Poker Face" Vs "Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It)". How do you split two of the decade's most iconic pop songs? Call this a tie.

Best Female Pop Vocal Performance

Hometown Glory - Adele
Halo - Beyoncé
Hot N Cold - Katy Perry
Sober - Pink
You Belong With Me - Taylor Swift

Wow! Another stellar line up. What is this - the MTV awards? For me this is a battle between "Halo" and "Hot N Cold" but I have a strange feeling that Adele might be more to the academy's liking.

Best Dance Recording

Boom Boom Pow - The Black Eyed Peas
When Love Takes Over - David Guetta & Kelly Rowland
Poker Face - Lady GaGa
Celebration - Madonna
Womanizer - Britney

And the winner is Lady Gaga. Or at least it should be. However, I'd love to see Kelly Rowland win something and "Boom Boom Pow" is amazing in its own annoying way. No comment on the other nominees.

The rest of the categories aren't as much fun. I hope Beyoncé wins Best Female R&B Vocal Performance and Best R&B Song for "Single Ladies" but she faces stiff competition from Jazmine Sullivan and Melanie Fiona in the former and Maxwell in the latter. It's also nice to see Beyoncé's ode to big cocks (ie. "Ego") snag a nomination in the Best Rap/Sung Collaboration category but I think the prize will go to either "Knock You Down" or "Dead And Gone". With all the attention being placed on "Sasha Fierce", it's easy to forget that two of Beyoncé's nominations come from the amazing Cadillac Records Soundtrack. Her lovely interpretation of "At Last" is in the running for Best Traditional R&B Vocal Performance but I'm much more excited about "Once In A Lifetime" being nominated in the Best Song From A Movie category. I suspect "Once In A Lifetime" is actually a "Sasha Fierce" reject but don't tell the voters. The song is another stunning Amanda Ghost collaboration ("Disappear", "Ave Maria" and "Satellites") and has been a favourite of mine since seeing Cadillac Records. I love the 60s soul flavour and Beyoncé's vocal is truly beautiful. Check it out below:

See the full list of nominations here.

Chelley's Stunning Trash Anthem

Just take a minute to inhale the stunning glamour of that cover. I'm convinced it was designed by a blind tranny on hard drugs (ie. Chelley) but maybe the artist was simply going for dazzling elegance and pure class in a bid to accurately reflect the song's magic. It's a lofty goal and they almost succeed but ultimately it's impossible to capture the essence of "Took The Night" in a humble picture. This is the kind of trashtastic anthem you really need to hear in a club surrounded by drunken bitches desperately trying (and failing) to dance erotically to fully appreciate. It's a strange hybrid of styles - part dance, part hip hop - but it works largely due to the ridiculous lyrics and Chelley's fierce attitude. In the press release, the diva explains the track's powerful message as follows: "Being a young female and going out, you'll see the same type of girl every time and she's just looking at you funny and jealous because you look good." Thank God someone has finally decided to take a stand for all the hot people out there! The diva has obviously struck a nerve because "Took The Night" is already a club smash in America (according to her publicist) and has now been remixed for a UK release. Make sure you check out the fabulous video (below) and download the song from iTunes. Chelley's inspirational mantra is available to purchase worldwide.

Close Your Eyes, It's Kate Ryan!

First of all, let me apologise for burning your retinas with the... incredibly glamorous cover of Kate Ryan's latest album. The androgynous stripper stuck in an 80s time warp look isn't easy to pull off but the pride of Belgium almost manages to retain some of her dignity. Anyway, you're probably wondering why I decided to write about this trash in the first place. I'm not exactly Kate's biggest fan and her collection of French cover versions was released months ago. Well, there's a simple reason. I spent the weekend driving my French friends around Sydney and needed something appropriate to play in the car. After spending an eternity ripping Mylène Farmer and Lorie CDs, I remembered "French Connection" and thought I'd let the Belgian diva do all the work for me. Kate's relentless destruction of 80s pop classics went down a treat (every song was preceded with "c'est horrible... turn up the volume!") and I developed a whole new appreciation for one of the year's guiltiest pleasures.

"French Connection" collects the greatest French hits of the 80s and gives them a Hi-NRG overhaul for the new millennium. I'm sure fans of the original versions will be tempted to molest Kate with a stale baguette after listening to this but the majority of tracks were new to me and I loved being exposed to so many wonderful gems. A case in point is the album's biggest selling point, "Ella elle l'a". France Gall's original is actually a rather classy tribute to Ella Fitzgerald - not that you'd know it listening to Kate's trashtastic update. I love everything about this, from the cheesy Eurodance beats to the ridiculous bad CGI extravaganza doubling as a video clip. Unfortunately, the next song (another France Gall cover) isn't quite as successful. "Babacar" was released as a single in French speaking countries to promote the album but it's fucking awful and flopped just about everywhere. Kate's destruction of Mylène Farmer's iconic "Désenchantée" is also pretty fucking awful but it was a massive hit for her in 2002 and the 2009 remix deftly slides into so bad it's amazing territory. The Mylène covers keep on coming with "Libertine" (AKA the song about proudly being slut) but I actually rather like Kate's version and think it makes a nice addition to the "French Connection".

If I had to choose my favourite song on the album it would be "Évidemment" - hands down. Raping a France Gall classic for the third time in the space of five songs speaks volumes about Kate's complete lack of originality but the song is so perfect it weathers the Belgian's lacklustre vocals without so much as a dint in its beautiful armour. Make sure you also check out the fabulous 2N Remix, which transforms the ballad into a sublime slice of dance-pop. "Évidemment" (below) is the album's latest single and deserves to be a #87 smash hit in Poland. At the very least. Don't faint but the next song is actually a Kate Ryan original. "Mon cœur résiste encore" is the French language version of the diva's 2001 debut single "Scream For More". The original was cheap dance trash and it doesn't sound much better en français. Kate has considerably more success with "La Promesse", the French interpretation of her 2004 hit "The Promise You Made" (itself a cover version). I hate to say it but the 29 year old (in Lady GaGa years) should stick with ripping off other divas. For further proof check out the album's only other original - "Dans Tes Yeux", which first appeared on her 2008 album as "Your Eyes". Unfortunately, time hasn't made it any less shit.

One of the best things about "French Connection" is the exposure it gives to unknown/forgotten acts (outside France). If it wasn't for this trashy bunch of covers, I wouldn't know Jeanne Mas ever existed - let alone spent hours trawling Ebay to find more of her music. "Toute Première Fois" is an adorable 80s gem and Kate's version does the original justice. I love this and would have chosen it as a single over "Babacar" (if it hadn't already appeared on "Free"). The canny Belgian sniffs out another winner by covering Lio's lovely "Sage Comme Une Image" and ups the trash ante by revising Philippe Cataldo's camp "Les Divas Du Dancing". Someone really needs to initiate me into the magical world of French pop (circa 1985) because I think I'm hooked!

Kate briefly returns to the present by including "Caminaré", her stunning duet with Soraya. Spain's greatest living musical talent valiantly tries not to outshine her Belgian counterpart too severely but it's an impossible task for the Spanish legend. Soraya brings some much needed class, style and non-Botoxed beauty to the album, so Kate should be grateful. It was always going to be difficult to top that clash of the titans but "French Connection" fittingly ends with the diva's catchy cover of "Voyage Voyage" - a #1 hit for Desireless (the original La Roux!) in 1987. As usual, the Belgian's version falls short of the original but she deserves some credit for breathing new life into so many great songs. I used to joke that Kate was the continental Lisa Scott-Lee but after this opus I see her in a whole new light - as the Benelux September. There's nothing particularly creative or original about "French Connection" but it is hugely endearing and, all jokes aside, easily one of 2009's most enjoyable albums.