Grease Remixed

I stumbled home early this morning and faced the usual post-party dilemma of not being able to sleep. I cleaned the bathroom, did some ironing and then settled down to watch Grease for probably the 5000th time. Some people have comfort food, I have 1978's highest grossing movie musical! I still remember being completely transfixed the first time I watched Grease on TV. In a disturbing sign of things to come, I identified with Rizzo and thought Sandy was a bit of a bore until that magical movie moment when Olivia unleashes her inner slut and pussy whips Danny with her tight, black spandex pants and dashing new perm. No matter how many times I see the film, I never get sick of that moment or the magnificent song that accompanies it. "You're The One That I Want" was written by Olivia's long-time collaborator John Farrar and became a world wide smash hit, reaching #1 in the US and spending 9 weeks at the top of the UK charts. The song has been covered numerous times but I'm not really interested in hearing the song performed by other voices. I'm much less averse to tragic remixes of the original and "You're The One That I Want" has been butchered by some of the trashiest DJs in the business. The masterminds behind Almighty need no introduction and their interpretation is as fabulous as you would expect. However, the prize for the best remix belongs to Dr Dre & Snoop Dogg Vs Grease! I'm not sure which demented mind created this unholy mix but they are clearly some kind of evil genius. Enjoy!

Whispers, News + What's Hot & What's Not!

I thought I would take a short break from my usual mix of tragic divas and no hit wonders to comment on (ie. bitch about) some recent events in the glorious world of pop music. I think I'll start with the dramas surrounding Dannii's sister.

My Kylie Rant

Poor Kylie wasn't blessed with Dannii's stunning good looks or natural talent but I love her all the same. In fact, with the exception of her glorious sibling, Kylie is my favourite singer. And like the rest of Al Kylieda, I've been obsessing over the progress of her upcoming album to an unhealthy extent. It truly pains me to speak ill of a Minogue but I'm beginning to suspect a "Body Language" sized disappointment. Alarm bells started ringing when Kylie selected "Sensitized" for the album over several vastly superior tunes. Brilliant anthems like "Lose Control" and Mylo's delicious "In The Mood For Love" were passed over for a song that plays like a cheap "Cowboy Style" rip-off, complete with an annoying hooting sound courtesy of sampling this trash. If that wasn't bad enough, I fear that "2 Hearts" could be Kylie's worst single ever. The Kish Mauve demo sounds like Goldfrapp for the over 50 crowd and leaked clips of Kylie's version suggest she stays worryingly true to the demo. And yes, I know I'm being a drama queen. On a happier note, the single cover is AMAZING. In other Kylie news, the great one has covered Grace Jones/Roxy Music's "Love Is The Drug" for this Radio 1 compilation and her version is absolutely stunning!

Dannii Update

While Kylie appears to have momentarily lost the plot, divine Dannii is flying the Minogue flag in great style with 4 soon to be released albums, a new DVD and a brand new single scheduled for an early December release to cash in on X Factor. Rumours abound that Dannii is re-working a Jason Nevins produced club smash that heavily samples "Mighty Real". I smell Dannii's 12th #1 hit on the UK dance charts. Long live the Queen of Clubs!

Whispers

I'm excited to hear that Scotland's legendary Mary Kiani is hoping to release new material in Australia. I really hope things work out. Mary's "Sydney Sessions" album was one of the pop highlights of 2006 and I've been going through Kiani withdrawals ever since. Speaking of legendary dance divas, the orange goddess - Kelly Llorenna - looks set to release her first Australian single in years with news that Love To Infinity's "Keep Love Together" could be getting a local release! In other (old) news, lovely Jessica Mauboy has definitely been chosen to replace Ricki-Lee in the Young Divas. The world's most fabulous girlband is busy recording their second album of cover versions. I can't wait to hear the fagtastic crap the girls serve up this time! Speaking of Young Divas, "Love Is All Around" is the second single from Ricki-Lee's great "Brand New Day" album. The song is pure dynamite and the remixes are excellent.

What's Hot

I'm loving Jade Macrae's new single, "In The Basement". Jade has always been one of Australia's biggest talents but she finally has a song worthy of her talent. Expect to see a full post about Jade very soon. Another local act, The Potbelleez, appear to have a smash hit on their hands with "Don't Hold Back". The dance anthem is currently #1 on the club chart and ranks as one of the most added songs to radio this week. Don't tell anyone but I quite like Cosima's latest single, "Movin' On". Shame about the video clip. Moving on to international divas, I seem to be the only person who likes J Lo's new gangster anthem "Do It Well". I've had a listen to Jenny's new album and it is, somewhat surprisingly, very good! Robyn is always hot but I thought I might as well plug the Australian release of her brilliant album.

What's Not Hot

There's nothing hot about the publicity spree that accompanied the release of Dulta's latest shitfest, "In This Life". I guess a month of turning up to the opening of an envelope, TV advertisements and two CD single formats can still buy you a #1 hit. Dulta's new album cover (above) is as boring as you would expect. Speaking of has-beens, that old cunt from the Rogue Traders is back. "Don't You Wanna Feel" is rubbish even by their low standards. Go back to Neighbours! I'm also not sold on The Veronicas' new single, "Hook Me Up". I appreciate their move towards a more electro sound but where is the chorus? Time to go back to the drawing board.

Music For Wankers

Well done, Roisin Murphy. You have officially come up with the most pretentious album cover in the history of music! Bjork must be positively suicidal.

Insomnia's Fabulous Hatchet Job

If you thought the Bliss cover of "American Pie" was rubbish, then hold on to your hair extensions for Insomnia! This sublimely tragic Australian duo launched their career with an astonishingly bad dance interpretation of "Fame" in the late 90s. Not surprisingly, it flopped and Insomnia were never heard of again. Well, one half of Insomnia at least. Pop fans may recognise Kellie Hoggart in the picture below. For the uninitiated, Kellie was a member of the 90s girlband, Teen Queens, and now performs to snotty nosed children around the globe as a member of Hi-5. I hope Kellie looks back on her days as the front woman of Insomnia with great pride. Their one and only flop, "Fame", is a four minute musical trainwreck of the highest order. "Fame" has all the ingredients of a pop trash classic - tacky beats, thin vocals and dated production. The cheesy record scratching and manic keyboards never fail to make me laugh. As much as I enjoy the music, the thing I love most about Insomnia's "Fame" is the fact that it's such a relic of its time. You just know that a small army of Chupa Chup munching disco dollies waved their glow sticks to this stunning anthem. Give "Fame" a spin and re-live your glory days. Just don't wear that shiteous lime green number you've been hiding in the back of your wardrobe. It was wrong - even then!

Many thanks to Steen for reminding me of this masterpiece and sending me a copy! How funny is the Star Wars inspired artwork!

Belgium's Golden Goose

Brace yourselves for something a bit more cutting edge than the fabulous rubbish I usually serve up! It's been a while since I had a guest contributor but it's definitely been worth the wait. When Jay first introduced me to Goose, I thought they sounded like every other electro act doing the rounds. It's funny how your opinions can change. After a few listens, the melody in their songs comes to the fore and Goose distinguish themselves by displaying an uncanny pop sensibility. Many thanks to Jay for this great article!

When you think of Belgium, you think of stuffy EU bureaucrats passing laws about bendy bananas and not much else. Yet they managed to produce one of the best electronic acts since the invention of the keyboard. Goose are a quartet hailing from somewhere in said country. Despite not having any commercial success in the UK to date, they have created a massive buzz in the UK Dance and indie scenes alike (and the lead singer has a massive following on myspace). Unlike most acts these days who rely on hype and TV talent shows to get established, Goose are doing things the hard way and have built up a solid fan base through sheer hard graft and a never ending world tour.

Apparently they are very popular with the Brighton crowd – which is where they filmed the video for their debut single, the rather excellent "Black Gloves". The sight of four grown men whizzing round Brighton in a bunch of old skool go-karts is rather funny, but very appropriate for the rather catchy (mostly) instrumental tune - its like the Wacky Races all over again!

Debut album "Bring It On" is a slice of fantastic electronic music, mostly dancey but with a few mellower tracks thrown in for good measure such as "Slow Down" and the sublime "Safari Beach".

The buzz around Goose isn’t limited to a few NME journalists though as the Scissor Sisters commissioned them to remix "She’s My Man", turning it from rather bland “safe” 3rd single to a heady electro pop anthem. The mix can be heard in full on their myspace page. Latest single "Bring It On" follows the trend of previous singles, and gets JFK from MSTRKRFT on board for a fabulous remix and a rather strange video.

"Bring It On" the album is available from some good music retailers, and a few bad ones as well as several digital stores. Though it is easier to find on ebay along with the promo singles. If you are lucky, you might find the deluxe edition in your local HMV which includes several remixes and the rather fabulous Masters On Top.

In a strange coincidence, Goose are currently touring Australia as part of the Parklife extravaganza. Sounds like a pretty hot ticket to me!

Victoria Beckham's Stunning New Low

A couple of weeks ago I posted "My Love Is For Real" from Victoria Beckham's scrapped 2004 album and was genuinely surprised by the quality of the track. I even expressed my regret that the project was abandoned. Well, I take it all back. "My Love Is For Real" was the exception to the general rule of everything Skeletoria touches turning to shit. The poor thing is not only completely lacking in talent, she's also utterly delusional if the freshly leaked "Let My Hair Down" is any indication.

Victoria clearly wasn't satisfied with her first spectacularly unsuccessful urban makeover at the hands of Damon Dash and decided to have another stab at relaunching her career as a ghetto diva. What was the crazy bitch thinking? Dannii's "Party Jam" has more street cred than "Let My Hair Down". In fact, this sorry excuse for an urban jam is even less convincing than the two bowling balls attached to Sticky Vicky's chest. I'm not sure what's worse, the cheap production or Victoria inviting her man to "bounce" with her in da club. Bitch, please! The most disturbing thing is the fact that I have listened to this three and a half minute slice of aural torture more than once. I really am a whore for a useless diva with no discernible talent!

A big thanks to Magical Froggy for his stunning cover art!

Chloe's Lattanzi = Delicious

As Olivia Newton-John's only child, Chloe Lattanzi has been in the media spotlight since birth. Initially held up as the epitome of well-adjusted celebrity offspring, Chloe is now the poster girl for anorexia. Following Olivia's daughter over the past few years has been like watching a car crash in slow motion. I want to stop looking but I can't help myself. I don't want to focus too heavily on Chloe's many issues. They get enough coverage. I'm more interested in her fabulous and increasingly disturbing musical output. Chloe really needs to get her shit together because she has almost unlimited potential as a pop star.

Chloe's problems first came to the surface when she announced that she was going to follow in Olivia's footsteps by releasing an album. She was snapped up by Warner Australia in 2003 and soon generated a lot of buzz with her debut album, tentatively titled "Lonely Nights In Paradise". The album was completed and even promoted before Chloe pulled the plug and bought herself out of the contract, claiming she wanted greater artistic control. Since then, Chloe has been in one long tailspin - garnering more attention for her battle with anorexia and her alleged plastic surgery addiction than for her music. I think Chloe has simply buckled under the weight of expectation. I feel sorry for her. She knows she will be compared with her mother and judged more severely than other fledgling pop divas.

The great irony is that all the tracks leaked from "Lonely Nights In Paradise" have been fantastic. I'm sure the album would have been well received. Chloe has a great voice and more importantly, has something to say. Thankfully, she has continued to work on the album and it is scheduled to be released later this year with the new title, "No Pain". The first taste of her new material has caused quite a stir in Australia. "Delicious" is dark, disturbing and insanely catchy. The lyrics are genuinely confronting. Chloe sings about wasting away and pleads for help to survive. It feels perverse to say it but "Delicious" is actually a hugely enjoyable listen. The beats are hypnotic and the chorus has been stuck in my head for days. If this is any indication, "No Pain" should be an absolute winner.

"Delicious" was put up on Chloe's Myspace and is obviously a work in progress. Make sure you check out her other songs - particularly, "Magic", which samples her mother's #1 hit of the same name. Get well, girlfriend.

Swedish Trash Kings - Sunblock

Sunblock is a dance group comprised of two Swedish DJs. Not that you would know it from looking at their videos and album covers, which generally depict three buxom ladies in various states of undress. As you have probably already guessed, there is nothing high brow about Sunblock. Their first single was a remix of the Baywatch theme song, they specialise in trashy dance covers and their videos often feature Swedish tarts flashing their tits. Basically, they are my idea of musical bliss!

I feel like I've indulged in too much culture lately. I've been ranting about Robyn for days and I'm still buzzing about Brielle's acoustic show. An acoustic show with a real guitar! It's time to get back to my trashy roots and you can't really get any deeper into the gutter than Sunblock. Well, actually you can - but I need to keep something up my sleeve! Sunblock first came to my attention with their remixed Baywatch theme, "I'll Be Ready". I loved their sleazy image but was not particularly overwhelmed by the song. Given the group's non-existent profile in Australia, their other European hits passed me by until my friend Jay insisted I pay Sunblock some serious attention. I'm glad I did because Sunblock's treasure trove of trashy dance/pop gems is positively overwhelming!

Sunblock's stunning "The First Time" Clip

This post will focus on my two favourite Sunblock anthems. "The First Time" will be instantly familiar to anyone old enough to remember the late 1980s. Robin Beck scored a worldwide smash hit with the original when it was picked up as the theme song for a Coke advertisement. I've always considered Robin to be one of the most underrated divas in pop, so it's nice to discover that Sunblock invited her back to perform the vocals on their version. The resulting song sounds like Kelly Llorenna on crack. Yes, it's that good! "The First Time" made the top 10 in the UK and much of Europe but has been shamefully ignored in Australia. The same goes for Sunblock's stunning debut album, "I'll Be Ready". Even the album tracks are brilliant. I particularly love, "Tune In (My Frequency)". I'm not sure which diva provides the vocals but she is seriously fabulous!

If you need any further proof of Sunblock's brilliance, check out their latest video for "Baby Baby" (a stunning cover of Corona's 90s classic)! It comes in three formats. The standard clip with busty bimbos, an adult's only version with an eyeful of boobies and just to prove that they're not complete misogynists, there's even a classy poofter edit with shirtless men riding mechanical bulls! Bless.

A big thanks to Jay for all his help with this post! If you live in Europe, you can buy "The First Time" maxi-single as well as Sunblock's album, "I'll Be Ready", from CDON. Otherwise, you can order a copy from HMV UK or Amazon UK. Chaos are also selling import copies locally for $30.