Isn't it funny how a really big hit can sometimes backfire and sabotage an album? "Evacuate The Dancefloor" was absolutely huge for Cascada. So big, in fact, that it completely overshadowed all the singles that followed and basically killed the whole project. Take the UK. Natalie's line by line re-make of "Just Dance" spent 4 weeks at #1, while "Dangerous" stalled at a shameful #67. In the digital age pop stars need a string of hits to keep their albums afloat - see Lady GaGa and Beyoncé - or fans will just download the song and move on. Which is exactly what happened to Germany's favourite big boned Fräulein. It's interesting then that Australia appears to have bucked the trend and embraced Cascada's latest flop. "Fever" didn't even chart in the UK but it debuted at #48 over here a couple of weeks ago (before falling off) but looks set to climb again given its current top 40 position on iTunes and across the board radio adds. I swear, we're the new Japan. Any old shit can chart in this country! And that's exactly what "Fever" is. Shit. The only redeeming thing about it is the tragic video, which finds a corset clad Natalie crawling over a boardroom table. However, it's not all doom and gloom for pop's premiere Hi-NRG hooker.
Cascada recently unveiled a brand new track. "Pyromania" was originally rumoured to be a Timbaland production but I think that's about as likely as Janet donating her sex toys to charity. Not that it matters because this is the German dance outfit's finest moment. A lot of people have accused the band of further pillaging Lady GaGa's back catalogue but I don't hear it. The song is squarely aimed at the American market (much like "Evacuate The Dancefloor") but this time around they have refrained from reverse engineering their favourite track from "The Fame". To me, "Pyromania" is a classy attempt at capturing the RedOne sound while staying true to their Eurotrash roots. GaGa could never come up with lyrics as inspired as "pyro pyro-mania ma ma ma mania". They already have next year's Ivor Novello award in the bag! I'm not sure if this is from a completely new album or simply the latest single from a scheduled re-release of "Evacute The Dancefloor" (my guess) but I think team Cascada has another winner on its hands. Make sure you check out the typically ridiculous video (below). Natalie proves once again why her child bearing hips are worshipped the world over!
Welcome to yet another Pop Panel! There have been some seriously dire weeks as far as content is concerned but I think this batch of tunes has something for everyone. It's definitely the first time in ages that I've really loved the winner. I'm even more excited that it's a homegrown anthem. Not only that but it also pulled the highest score in Pop Panel history. Talk about $ucce$$! The single of the week was decided by these high brow musical critics/tragic gay bloggers:
With Pablo still trawling public toilets across Spain for trade and The Prophet deciding to take a break to concentrate on his studies, I've dragged in the following hot bitches to help out:
Bomitoni is a fellow trash junkie and my living, breathing guide to tragic Mexican pop divas. He's appeared on the Panel before but I'm always happy to have him back. Enric is a fabulous Spanish blogger with a taste for Stuart Price and shithouse divas like Madonna and Little Boots - but I won't hold that him against him. Anyway, here goes!
The results ranked as usual from lowest to highest.
Bomitoni: That was painful to listen to. Pretty girl though. 0/5 D'Luv: This guy should stick to posting fuck videos on the Internet. As far as bedroom DJ/producers go, I'll stick with Calvin Harris. He gets half a point for whipping out his dick for the masses. 0.5/5 Enric: Basshunter has grown up and now I want to have sex with him. His new sound is softer and I really like it, specially when I discovered that the chorus has the same melody as “Under the sea” from Disney’s Little Mermaid. 5/5 Mike: I used to have a soft spot for the male Cascada but mid-tempo Hi-NRG Eurotrash is a genre that should never be revisited again in the history of music. I like the Spanish holiday video though. 1/5 Paul: I've hated everything he has ever done, but pleasured myself to him a couple of times (he's fairly foxy). So colour me shocked that I really like this. Well it's passable anyway. 3.5/5 Rob: Vile. 0/5 Tommie: In a way I have to admire my fellow Scandinavian for going from writing songs about IRC chat bots to having a bonafide international music career, but his music is still just no. 0/5 Total: 10/35
The UK's Eurovision reject gets a trashy new urban sound.
Bomitoni: I was ready to write this one off. But I actually didn't mind it. Musically it's not really what I like, but I could totally hear this being played at the clubs in remix form. 3/5 D'Luv: Generic garbage. Couldn't even make it till the chorus before moving on. 0/5 Enric: I'm glad they used shadows to avoid showing us her full face which is almost as unbearable as her voice. It's disgustingly good, and I love when she says "Giga Giga". Also, to use the word “Intellectual” on a song like that is genius. 4/5 Mike: Jade is all kinds of wrong. Her Eurovision ballad was vomit inducing and her slutastic urban makeover makes her the most desperate UK diva since Lisa Scott-Lee. That being said, "My Man" is such a hot mess that I find it strangely appealing. The Cahill remix is great and the guy in the video is super sexy, so I'm giving this 3/5. Paul: Well ain't this just a shock and a half. So much different to her eurovision crap. Now my theory that this because this is so different, no one has picked up on the fact that it's a bit shit. She has bedazzled the world. Or at least the 2000 people that might download it (it would have probably been more, but she's sent promos out to every Tom, Dick and Nancy). 2/5 Rob: This is could have been on the Vicky Beckham album we never got. There was tons of potential with Jade and instead they've simply removed her of her clothes and tried to make her some British version of the American Brandy. Talk about missed opportunities. She is so lame it hurts. She uses the word "intellectual" but someone with absolutely no brains could have created this. It is the lowest common denominator. Jade obviously missed the post-it note on feminism. What a stupid and insipid excuse for music. 0/5 Tommie: I want to give this a five out of five for the camp video alone, but the song is pretty standard stuff these days. 2.5/5 Total: 14.5/35
Livvi Franc Ft. Pitbull – Now I'm That Bitch (Video)
The debut single from one of 2009's most hyped new urban divas.
Bomitoni: This song has been out in the US for a couple of months now and I LOVE it!!!! It's nice to know that Barbados has given us another musical act other than that hammerhead shark Rihanna. This song is HOT HOT HOT! Though I could do without the Pitbull blips. 5/5 D'Luv: I like the music. Shame about Livvi. 1/5 Enric: You can't name a song like that and deliver this crap. She's not sure who to imitate: Beyonce, Ciara, Alesha or even the great Solange. The song is boring, it has potential but is sadly produced, the rhythm is nowhere to be seen. Featuring someone named Pitbull who sings "oye, mamita" and "baila la conga como una chonga" has catastrophe written all over it. 0/5 Mike: Now this is a grower. I hated it at first but after a couple of listens I'm completely sold. The beats are hot, I love the trashy lyrics and Pitbull's rap is a constant source of amusement. 4/5 Paul: God people love her don't they? I'm not really sure why. I do like the line that I think said "I'm not a bender, return to sender". That is rather marvelous. And she almost flashes her gash several times in the video so you know she's classier than a used condom. Which frankly is slightly more engaging than the song. 2/5 Rob: It's the return of Rachel Steven's ribbons! This would get stronger marks if it wasn't for the lame rap from Pitbull. For sure, I don't mind rent-a-rappers but his "work" is so flaky it reduces the song's quality. Sadly, the money shot in the song itself never arrives. Perhaps because she can't quite sing. Going on the evidence on this single. 1/5 Tommie: The video is clearly a cheap imitation of Queen Kat Deluna's chart-topping smash hit "Unstoppable", but I guess the song is okay and catchy enough. 3/5 Total: 16/35
Germany's greatest contribution to popular music release their latest single.
Bomitoni: You know I've never gotten into this broad. Still can't. Her music is über cheesy and reminds me of those crappy douche bag clubs where the guys shirts are too tight, and tans too orange. Sounds like all her other songs. 2/5 D'Luv: Can someone please unplug this robot? 0/5 Enric: Welcome back, Cascada! After disguising herself as "Lady Casca", she finally releases a song with her real essence. Pure rave to our ears, and an impressive chorus starting with the line "give me a break!" Amazing! 5/5 Mike: Has Natalie visited Janet's team of liposuction specialists? She's looking svelte and fabulous. As for the song - it's bottom of the barrel Eurotrash with no redeeming features whatsoever. Which is probably why I find it so enjoyable. 3/5 Paul: You know, I actually sort of fell in love with "Evacuate". And it's sort of hard to argue with the logic of Cascada other than there is no logic behind them. I'm surprised that I like this as much as I do, put it that way, but I've just had my nightly Xannax so I'm feeling quite groovy. 4/5 Rob: Shit. Shit. Shit. Such a shame really as she moved mountains with "Evacuate The Dancefloor". 0/5 Tommie: I like it in a way I like all cheap and trashy 90s dance tracks - drunkenly! 2.5/5 Total: 16.5/35
Elek-tro Lights ft Therese – Neon Lights (Above)
Swedish dance queen Therese unveils her latest anthem.
Bomitioni: An homage to Neon Nights? $ucce$$! All kidding aside...I'm digging the beat. I love the chorus. I can't bear to watch the low budget video. She looks like a younger tranny version of Anna Vissi. We all know Anna is a hot tranny mess. Back to the song. Me likes. 3.5/5 D'Luv: Now this is how a dance anthem is done! I'm docking her half a point for eerily looking like Madonna in parts of the video, but the song is near perfection. 3.5/5 Enric: This must be the first music video shot only with a cellphone on the Ibiza airport areas, including bathrooms. The song sounds well-produced, professional but very generic. Her voice is a failed attempt to seem Kylie's and is very irritating. 2/5 Mike: I've been a fan of Therese since she penned "Perfection" for Dannii. "Neon Lights" isn't her finest moment but I love the cheap as chips filmed on location in Ibiza video clip and the trashy chorus. This diva has an edge that a lot of Scandipop drones are missing. 3.5/5 Paul: It's not particularly forward thinking or radically different, but there is something about this song that is entirely appealing. It's a solid pop-dance number that I will unfortunately have forgotten until I hear it the next time. 3/5 Rob: Wow. I love the cheapo video. That is its only redeeming quality. The song lacks everything a big Ibiza track should have: big anthemic chorus, addictive beats and atmospheric piano rifts. Look, Therese is great and I am really surprised she let this out. 1/5 Tommie: Therese looks like she got a sex change, but the song is great and I hope it brings her some chart success or Drömhus might have to make a comeback... 4/5 Total: 20.5/35
Bomitoni: This song was too all over the place musically for me. Her voice is a whisper at most. Video was super glitzy, but that's all I can say. 1/5 D'Luv: Beautiful jam, and I love that, unlike so many others, she's not aping Rihanna or Lady GaGa. 4.5/5 Enric: I'm almost sure that this song samples something in its main melody but I can't recall it. I'm deeply addicted to it, and to Nicole's voice, which sounds deep, emotional and beautiful. But I don't like her dressed as Lady Gaga. 4/5 Mike: Utterly gorgeous. "Epic" is the musical equivalent of a sunny Sunday afternoon - warm, relaxing and strangely comforting. I love the delicate beats and soppy lyrics. This makes me want to hold hands and watch "The Notebook". Unexpectedly beautiful. 5/5 Paul: The intro comes off like she might be a female Dan Black and my hopes soared. then she sang and my hopes fell to the floor faster than a LaToya single exits the charts. 1.5/5 Rob: Jade, take note this is how to do pop! Loved Nicole since discovering fellow Canadian pop princess LIGHTS who share the same representation (I think!). Okay, its slightly less well produced than a lot of what's in the charts but that's perhaps its endearing quality. I love the soul to this. It has heart. 5/5 Tommie: I've always claimed that TV hosts branching out to singing is the 90s version of reality star-goes-pop - and this sounds very 90s. I want to like it for that criteria alone, but this has no 'oomph'. 2/5 Total: 23/35
UK dance duo unveil the lead single from their highly anticipated (by me) sophmore album.
Bomitoni: Can it get any campier than Booty Luv?? Can their name be any gayer? I liked it. However, I didn't love it. I'm sure it'll grow on me. 3/5 D'Luv: I thought it couldn't get better than the Elek-tro Lights/Therese jam, but it has! I've had a soft spot for these scrappy broads from day one. Great pop! 4.5/5 Enric: The shiniest video ever, black-Gossip Girl themed. I love all the elements, from the ice fountain to the silver pillows. It’s very near to the perfect rave pop song. I just hope I don’t forget about them next month. 4/5 Mike: I think Booty Luv are fabulous but this is underwhelming. They need to listen to Bananarama's stunning "Love Comes" and go back to the drawing board. 3/5 Paul: My friend Burn-ice (who has invented bubblewrap bra and panties set!) loves this so I am overly familiar with this slightly above average electro-pop tune. I have never been quite as into Booty Luv as I should be. They end up leaving me a little bit cold despite ok songs. 3/5 Rob: It's a bit like their previous stuff but then again traditional never hurt U2. 3/5 Tommie: I love me some Booty, but this song is a bit... lacking? It's just not as good as their previous hits, but I hope it's a huge hit for them as I'm sure there's better tunes on the album. 3/5 Total: 23.5/35
This much hyped Sydney dance outfit follows in the electropop footsteps of The Presets and Cut Copy.
Bomitoni: Wow! I really really really like this! Really like it. The video is hot and the beat is wicked. I need to hear more!!! 5/5 D'Luv: Wow! Really great week, Mike. It's not often an act can live up to being compared to Cut Copy in my book, but these guys do so effortlessly. Plus, I'd fuck the teeth out of the tall one's mouth. Great song, super video, hot guys. 5/5 Mike: Australian electro is on fire at the moment and Bag Raiders have well and truly earned their spot next to Empire Of The Sun and Cut Copy as the next big thing with this amazing anthem. The video is a triumph. It's like an Atari computer game from 1985 - only with nudity and a shit hot soundtrack! 5/5 Enric: It takes 2 full minutes to enjoy the chorus but it's worth it. I love the progression that takes you from the intro to the anticipated explosion (including flying cars). There's a sample that keeps repeating and slowly turning up the pitch. It's brilliant and it doesn't include any urban bitch. 5/5 Paul: There is something end of summer chic and cool about this song. Mike is right, the video is astonishingly good and the song is a brilliant grower. Plus who wouldn't want a strangely sexy (in a deliciously unconventional way) man to call you outside in the middle of the night? I dream about that regularly - it's 50% of the cause of my morning wood. 4/5 Rob: Beautiful video and good song. Reminds me somewhat of Daft Punk. 3/5 Tommie: Is it just me or does that animated guy have a rather big bulge? Though, I guess if I had to animate myself I'd give myself a big ole' cock too. Anyway, I like penises and I quite like this song. 4/5 Total: 31/35
After years of releasing mechanical cover versions and soulless trance anthems, Cascada has finally decided to switch things up by ripping off Lady GaGa. The lead single from the German dance outfit's third album dropped this week and it's a virtual line by line re-make of "Just Dance" - down to the rap interlude! I'm usually pretty brutal about Cascada but "Evacuate The Dancefloor" (the puns I could make!) is a step in the right direction. Sure, it's a woeful exercise in plagiarism but at least they're paying homage to a great song. I think the staccato electro beats suit Natalie's robotic vocals surprisingly well and the rap isn't as unfortunate as it could have been. Admittedly, the production is more Berman Brothers than Red One but they deserve some points for trying! Put on your Poker Face and check out the video (below). "Evacuate The Dancefloor" is a true guilty pleasure.
Even the most casual reader of Pop Trash Addicts has surely realised by now that I don’t give a fuck about musical credibility, originality or artistic integrity. Disco dykes? Yes, please! Poptastic grannies? Gimme more! Foul mouthed trannies? Even better! And yet, as much as I revel in the trashy side of pop, I remain strangely immune to the dubious charms of Cascada – the massively successful Eurotrance outfit fronted by a horse faced German diva called Natalie. A collection of trance cover versions cheesier than a piss pig's cock, their debut album seemed destined for an AATW clearance sale but stunned everyone by becoming a global chart smash despite sounding like it had been dragged kicking and screaming from 1996. Don’t get me wrong – I like Cascada’s music but I fully expected them to slide into oblivion with the grace of 2 Unlimited or the Real McCoy. Their continued success seems, well, completely unnecessary.
Cascada returned to the UK top 10 in December with another craptastic cover version, “What Hurts The Most” and it’s now Australia’s turn to experience the wonder of their latest Euro-turd. Surprisingly, I’m finding it hard to muster a lot of enthusiasm. “What Hurst The Most” is shiny slice of commercial trance that will no doubt compel trashbags across the nation to grab the nearest glow stick but I can’t get past the grimly manufactured sound, the almost clinical lack of emotion and the lazy song selection. “What Hurts The Most” has been covered several times, first by Jo O’Meara (of S Club 7 “fame”) before more recently being given the country treatment by Rascal Flatts. I like both versions but Jo’s lovely rendition is proof that pop and emotion are not mutually exclusive. Shame she turned out to be a suicidal racist. It’s not all bad, I guess. D’Luv revealed his secret heterosexual yearnings by waxing lyrical about Caskanka’s breasts, while Jamie from Poplicious highlights the innate camp appeal of the video clip (below), which finds our beloved Teutonic automaton singing heartbreaking lyrics with a beaming smile while being tattooed –no less!
As rubbish as the song is, I'm still rather taken by Yanou's obligatory Candlelight Mix. Stripped of its cheap trance trappings, this version actually sounds like it was sung by a human being instead of an emotionless robot. If “What Hurts The Most” rings your bell, take heart. Cascada’s new album, “Perfect Day”, serves up more of the same. I could only listen to it a couple of times before putting it to better use as a beer coaster but their version of Avril Lavigne’s “Sk8ter Boi” is a rather delicious concoction. “What Hurts The Most” is released in Australia on the 18th of February. Order your copy here.
Isn't it funny how a really big hit can sometimes backfire and sabotage an album? "Evacuate The Dancefloor" was absolutely huge for Cascada. So big, in fact, that it completely overshadowed all the singles that followed and basically killed the whole project. Take the UK. Natalie's line by line re-make of "Just Dance" spent 4 weeks at #1, while "Dangerous" stalled at a shameful #67. In the digital age pop stars need a string of hits to keep their albums afloat - see Lady GaGa and Beyoncé - or fans will just download the song and move on. Which is exactly what happened to Germany's favourite big boned Fräulein. It's interesting then that Australia appears to have bucked the trend and embraced Cascada's latest flop. "Fever" didn't even chart in the UK but it debuted at #48 over here a couple of weeks ago (before falling off) but looks set to climb again given its current top 40 position on iTunes and across the board radio adds. I swear, we're the new Japan. Any old shit can chart in this country! And that's exactly what "Fever" is. Shit. The only redeeming thing about it is the tragic video, which finds a corset clad Natalie crawling over a boardroom table. However, it's not all doom and gloom for pop's premiere Hi-NRG hooker.
Cascada recently unveiled a brand new track. "Pyromania" was originally rumoured to be a Timbaland production but I think that's about as likely as Janet donating her sex toys to charity. Not that it matters because this is the German dance outfit's finest moment. A lot of people have accused the band of further pillaging Lady GaGa's back catalogue but I don't hear it. The song is squarely aimed at the American market (much like "Evacuate The Dancefloor") but this time around they have refrained from reverse engineering their favourite track from "The Fame". To me, "Pyromania" is a classy attempt at capturing the RedOne sound while staying true to their Eurotrash roots. GaGa could never come up with lyrics as inspired as "pyro pyro-mania ma ma ma mania". They already have next year's Ivor Novello award in the bag! I'm not sure if this is from a completely new album or simply the latest single from a scheduled re-release of "Evacute The Dancefloor" (my guess) but I think team Cascada has another winner on its hands. Make sure you check out the typically ridiculous video (below). Natalie proves once again why her child bearing hips are worshipped the world over!
