Cascada's Two Big Hits

Isn't it funny how a really big hit can sometimes backfire and sabotage an album? "Evacuate The Dancefloor" was absolutely huge for Cascada. So big, in fact, that it completely overshadowed all the singles that followed and basically killed the whole project. Take the UK. Natalie's line by line re-make of "Just Dance" spent 4 weeks at #1, while "Dangerous" stalled at a shameful #67. In the digital age pop stars need a string of hits to keep their albums afloat - see Lady GaGa and Beyoncé - or fans will just download the song and move on. Which is exactly what happened to Germany's favourite big boned Fräulein. It's interesting then that Australia appears to have bucked the trend and embraced Cascada's latest flop. "Fever" didn't even chart in the UK but it debuted at #48 over here a couple of weeks ago (before falling off) but looks set to climb again given its current top 40 position on iTunes and across the board radio adds. I swear, we're the new Japan. Any old shit can chart in this country! And that's exactly what "Fever" is. Shit. The only redeeming thing about it is the tragic video, which finds a corset clad Natalie crawling over a boardroom table. However, it's not all doom and gloom for pop's premiere Hi-NRG hooker.

Cascada recently unveiled a brand new track. "Pyromania" was originally rumoured to be a Timbaland production but I think that's about as likely as Janet donating her sex toys to charity. Not that it matters because this is the German dance outfit's finest moment. A lot of people have accused the band of further pillaging Lady GaGa's back catalogue but I don't hear it. The song is squarely aimed at the American market (much like "Evacuate The Dancefloor") but this time around they have refrained from reverse engineering their favourite track from "The Fame". To me, "Pyromania" is a classy attempt at capturing the RedOne sound while staying true to their Eurotrash roots. GaGa could never come up with lyrics as inspired as "pyro pyro-mania ma ma ma mania". They already have next year's Ivor Novello award in the bag! I'm not sure if this is from a completely new album or simply the latest single from a scheduled re-release of "Evacute The Dancefloor" (my guess) but I think team Cascada has another winner on its hands. Make sure you check out the typically ridiculous video (below). Natalie proves once again why her child bearing hips are worshipped the world over!

The Return Of Pearly Gates

What do you get when you cross a much loved disco icon with a gay porn star? Possibly the campest video ever filmed and one of 2009's most charming cougar comebacks. Pearly Gates' late 70s floorfillers "Burning Love" and "Fandango Dancing" are disco classics but I'm more familiar with the diva's mid-80s Hi-NRG output, particularly her brief stint at Ian Levine's label. That partnership produced the 1985 gay classic "Action" as well as a bunch of other pop gems that are compiled on her 1995 best of compilation. To be honest, I really don't know what Pearly has been up to since the mid-90s. I didn't even know she was still making music until a fellow trash fan sent me the link for "Stop For Love". The prospect of a new Pearly Gates track was exciting enough but I almost passed out when I saw the video - which features gay for pay porn star Zeb Atlas as the stunning 63 year old diva's toy boy lover! Pearly redefines fabulous as she rolls around in bed with Zeb and the completely gratuitous shirtless scenes are entirely welcome. However, the video's greatest achievement is coming across as sweet instead of sleazy. This could have been all kinds of nasty but the result is overwhelmingly cute. And the music? Well, "Stop For Love" could have been recorded in 1977. The old school soul vibe gracefully incorporates disco elements with a low key pop sensibility. I just hope there are some remixes on the horizon! Pearly's catchy jam will feature on her forthcoming album "On A Winning Streak". Make way for one of the fiercest women in music.

The Return Of K Lo!

Bow down, bitches. According to industry whispers, the orange goddess is currently bathing in a vat of golden glow in preparation for her magnificent comeback! The pop world just isn't the same without Kelly Llorenna's stunning pipes and luminescent fake tan. She is British pop music and I, for one, can't wait for her return to the lower reaches of the UK top 75. Despite her absence, sultry K Lo has been a busy girl since her last flop single, "I Will Love Again", peaked at a lofty #105. She has recorded a HI-NRG cover of a James Bond theme song for Klone Records, been hired as the vocalist du jour for legendary dance outfit Love To Infinity and most excitingly, re-joined forces with N-Trance - the group that rocketed her to international superstardom all those years ago.

The new N-Trance record, "Nothing Lasts Forever", is a glorious return to form. The beats come hard and heavy, while Kelly's exquisite vocals waft above the track like a gift from sweet baby Jesus. Seriously, listening to this you would be forgiven for thinking it was 1997 all over again and I mean that as a huge compliment. I hope the song is a smash hit for Kelly and the boys but given AATW's (her record company) recent track record, I wouldn't be surprised if this brilliant anthem never sees the light of day. So make sure you listen to it here. It really is quite fabulous. While we wait with baited breath for K Lo's glorious return, why not check out her last opus - a trashtastic cover of Donna Summer's "Hot Stuff". I finally worked out how to stream music (thanks Jennifer!), so you can bask in Ms Llorenna's magnificence below. This stunning masterpiece appears on the classily titled "Gay Days 5" compilation and is available to download from Australian iTunes. Welcome back, Kelly. You have been sorely missed!

Hot Stuff

Paul Parker - My Kind Of Fag!

It's always exciting to see gay men strike it big in the music industry. Regardless of my opinion of their music, I'm glad that the likes of Jake Shears, Rufus Wainwright and Will Young are contributing some kind of queer energy to the mainstream. However, it slightly annoys me that I find today's celebrity fags so completely and utterly repellent. I hold a lot of admiration for George Michael, Boy George and Pete Burns but they are older than Jesus by now in gay years. It would be nice to connect with a contemporary gay idol for a change but I just find the pop poofs of yesteryear infinitely preferable. Who could be bothered with an ugly cunt like Mika, for example, when you could be listening to the sheer brilliance of Paul Parker?

Paul Parker is club royalty whose pioneering role in the early 1980s dance scene has all but been forgotten. As a native of San Fransisco, Paul Parker was at the forefront of American Hi-NRG music along with fellow legends, Patrick Cowley and Sylvester. Hits like "Right On Target" and "Shot In The Night" are generally considered to be classics of the Hi-NRG genre and helped to make Paul an enduring gay icon. Although, his fabulous image - leather pants, handlebar moustache, omnipresent motorbike - definitely had something to do with it! Paul is, quite simply, my kind of fag. He's a survivor of the 1980s AIDS crisis, who has never been frightened out of the disco. Other queens have moved on but Paul is still a slave to the beat and I respect that. I also imagine he smells of stale beer and boot polish - which is a bit of a turn on!

It seems unfair to introduce Paul with his Klone material. I am Klone's #1 fan but they clearly specialise in one thing - tragic dance music. I'm obviously partial to Klone's output but those with slightly more highbrow leanings might want to check out Paul's early material before writing him off as yet another Klone embarrassment. As far as I know, Paul is still churning out his unique brand of addictive dance music. If anyone has more information on Paul's current activities, please let us know! Paul's early vinyl material, with its fantastic cover art, is now very collectible. However, CD copies can be found at Amazon and regularly turn up on Ebay.