Club Disco Winners!

The time has come to announce the winners of my "Club Disco" competition! Firstly, I'd like to thank Central Station Records for kindly sending me the CDs. I'd also like to acknowledge all the entrants for their witty, thoughtful and downright hilarious reasons as to why Dannii is the true Queen of pop! The quality was so high that I simply put all the names in a hat and picked 3 winners at random. Well, actually 4 winners, because I decided to throw in my own slightly banged up spare copy of "Club Disco"! Without any further ado, the lucky winners are:

Fitz

1- Her music. Everything from her voice to the amazing club beats just oozes with talent and fabulousness!

2- Her charisma. It can't be easy being the more talented sibling, yet getting less attention. But like La Toya Jackson, Dannii has persevered for the last twenty years!

3- Her looks. No man or woman... straight or gay could ever resist lusting over the Queen of Clubs!

Ro Ro

1 - She's an amazing vocalist. Her siren song captures every gay in a 50 mile radius and lures them in.

2 - She rules the dance charts with her resonating sex anthems. Touch her body? I shamefully would i must say.

3 - Her ability to pick hit material way ahead of it's time. Dannii's music is too powerful for most people to grasp until her next hits package is released.

Sarah

1 - Dannii's music has the power to unite people. Like the 50 plus Iowans who belong to "Fans of the Dan Dan".

2 - She has 13 #1 hits on the UK Club Charts.

3 - If it weren't for Dannii, we wouldn't have Droid speak.

kluB dizK0 numBaR w0n 4 sh0r3!!!1111

Christopher P

1. She's perfection, which is most visible in her brilliant lyrics - buoy, how can u b so damn purrr-fect, etc.

2. She has a homegurrl named Sheila whom she cruises with listening to brand new jammies in her Benz 180.

3. She did urban ghetto music 18 years before Madonna.

Congratulations! I hope you all enjoy "Club Disco" as much as I do. Please e-mail me your address and I'll have the CDs in the post as soon as I can. No offence to our glorious winners but I felt there was one entry that really summed up the essence of Dannii the best and really deserved to be rewarded! The following reader is about to be blessed with my copy of "Love Will Keep Us Together" by Captain & Tenille! I know you must be pinching yourself right now:

Undisco_me

1. Her name appropriately rhymes with her favourite breakfast-lunch-and-dinner, Fannii.

2. Often hides unreleased gems, rarities and remixes (not to mention the wig she ripped off Joan Collins' frail scalp) up her own love blender and blames Nathan instead, leaving him flushed and unable to find his Touche Eclat.

3. Dannii is the reigning Olympic sunbathing champion, a contest she holds every other day, competing against little African girls she stole whilst "saving their lives" with her song Hakuna Matata.

Take good care of this much loved treasure!

Keeley Hazell - Voyeur

Bow down to Keeley Hazell, the UK's new queen of pop! Seriously, where has this tragic bitch been all my life? Keeley, currently the 3rd sexiest woman alive according to FHM magazine, is an English "glamour model" best known for her massive knockers. However, that's all about to change with the release of her stunning debut single "Voyeur". From now on this shy maiden will be known for her huge tits - and her appalling voice! Not that "Voyeur" is a bad song by any means. In fact, I think it's a trash classic in the making. Keeley "sings" naughty lyrics in a robotic voice against a backing track that desperately apes Bloodshy & Avant. The result is something akin to Britney Spears, only with a sense of humour and some charisma. Then there's the saucy video, which basically involves Keeley rolling around in bed in various states of undress. Classy! Unfortunately, there's only a one minute preview of the film clip (check it out below) doing the rounds in order to prevent perverts whacking it on their Ipods. Make sure you help fund Keeley's fabulous music career by downloading the song from 7digital. Sadly, there are no plans for a physical release as yet but I'll keep on praying for a 12" picture disc!

Isabel Guzman - Kill The Boy EP

Isabel Guzman first came to my attention last year when Robpop championed "Love Song" on the inimitable Don't Stop The Pop. I'm usually pretty immune to Swedish pop music but one listen to that magnificent tune was all I needed to jump aboard Isabel's already crowded bandwagon! "Love Song" was one of the true gems of 2007 and it's follow-up, "Wrapped Up In Plastic", was an even more delectable pop treat. I've been eagerly awaiting new material from Ms Guzman ever since, so it's a bit of an understatement to say that I jumped at the chance to review her new EP. "Kill The Boy" is a cracking 5 track introduction to Isabel's hugely original take on pop music. Pop Justice is calling it the "EP of the year" but don't let that put you off. Unlike most of the music they hype, Isabel is actually quite good and "Kill The Boy" more than cements her place as the Swedish diva to watch in 2008. Here's my track by track review:

Mysterious - 8.5/10

It's clear from the very first song that Isabel's sound has evolved considerably over the past year. The exquisite mid-tempo electro-pop of her breakthrough material has given way to a sleek dance sound. "Mysterious" is an expertly judged club anthem with enough crossover pop appeal for mainstream radio. I love the way the first verse is built around "My Sharona" and Isabel's knack for quirky lyrics is still very much apparent. Rhyming "heroin" with "Mickey Finn" is a particularly classy touch! This is dance-pop of the highest calibre.

Kill The Boy - 10/10

The title track is favourite cut on the EP by quite a margin. I've been playing "Kill The Boy" on repeat for the past couple of weeks and I still can't get enough of it. The song mines the same melancholy vein of pop gold as "Love Song" and "Wrapped Up In Plastic", which I firmly believe is Isabel's niche. I can imagine Robyn or September singing something like "Mysterious" but I think the bittersweet subtlety of "Kill The Boy" is beyond either of them. The wonderfully literate lyrics are imbued with a remarkable softness by Isabel's sweet voice, while the mid-tempo electro beats are calibrated with military precision. The verse beginning "when the world is cold as ice" could be my favourite pop moment of 2008 thus far. Fingers crossed this gem appears on Isabel's forthcoming debut album.

And The Beat Goes - 5/10

I'm all for Isabel displaying her versatility but the forced craziness of "And The Beat Goes" sounds very derivative to my ears. The use of trumpet and trombone is a quirky touch but "And The Beat Goes" wouldn't sound out of place on Britney's latest album and I don't mean that as a compliment. In fact, many a diva has wandered down this well worn path before - a fairly tired call to the dancefloor. Counting over the beat in Spanish doesn't make it inventive either, just slightly more embarrassing that it already was. Entirely forgettable.

Love Song (Acoustic Version) - 7/10

The original version of "Love Song" is a modern pop classic but this acoustic version is a bit too lifeless for my liking. Isabel's voice is sublime but did she record this in the subway? The background noise is louder than the guitar! Pleasant but the original version would have been vastly preferable.

Mysterious (Attie-Tude Remix) - 8/10

A fabulous dance remix that would set any club on fire. I can only imagine what kind of magic a cutting edge DJ could work on quality material like this.

"Kill The Boy" is released in Sweden on the 14th of May. European readers can order it through CDON. Unfortunately they don't ship to Australia. Hopefully, it wont be long until Isabel is snapped up by a major label and gets an international distribution deal. If she keeps on churning out gems like this, it can only be a matter of time. For more details check out Isabel's Myspace and website.

Club Dildo Competition!

Our friends over at Central Station Records have kindly sent me three copies of Dannii's stunning "Club Dildo" to give away! In case you've been living under rock for the past couple of months, "Club Dildo" is Minogue Jr's latest compilation of "hits", trashy remixes and unreleased tat. Basically, it's the best CD released in the history of the music industry! To be in the running to win a copy of Dannii's exquisite opus, all you have to do is leave a comment listing 3 reasons why Dannii is the true queen of pop. Seriously, could this competition be any easier? I could list 33 reasons off the top of my head! Once the entries are in I'll pick three winners based on comedic value and accuracy - or if all else fails by putting the names into a hat. It doesn't matter where you live, international entries are welcome. So what are you waiting for?! The competition will remain open for a week. In the meantime, check out this video we made to promote "Club Dildo" over at Dannii's Dirty Box.

X2008 And Remix Heaven

Kylie's X2008 tour kicked off in Paris last night and if these pictures are anything to go by, this could be her most spectacular stage extravaganza yet! The costumes look magnificent, the setlist is positively breathtaking and from the accounts I've read thus far, the staging is nothing less than extraordinary. I'll be seeing the show on the 26th of July in London (I rather conveniently timed my holiday to coincide with Kylie's tour - yes, I am that tragic!) but I just couldn't resist taking a sneak peak. How fabulous does cheerleader Kylie look? What about Minogue Sr lounging on a giant metallic skull? Or the rather frightening but oh so fabulous Frankenkylie (below)? The prospect of seeing this camp spectacle with my own eyes is almost more than I can take! X2008 appears to be a two hour trip to Kylie heaven.

I'm just as excited about the setlist. Kylie is performing every song on "X" apart from "Stars" (boo!) as well as three new songs, a cover of Barry Manilow's "Copacabana" (!) and a selection of her greatest hits. I really couldn't hope for more. I'll just have to remember to go for a piss when she drags out "SenSHITized"! Here's the setlist from Paris:

Speakerphone
Can't Get You Out Of My Head (Greg Kurstin Remix)/Boombox
Ruffle My Feathers
In Your Eyes
Heart Beat Rock
Wow
Shocked
Like A Drug
Slow/Free
The One
2 Hearts
On A Night Like This
Kids
Step Back In Time
In My Arms
Love at First Sight
Sometime Samurai (Video Projection)
Come Into My World (Fischerspooner Mix)
Nu-di-ty
Sensitized
Flowers
I Believe in You (Ballad Version)
Cosmic
Loveboat
Copacabana
That's Why They Write Love Songs
Spinning Around
No More Rain
All I See (Acoustic Version)

If that isn't enough Kylie goodness for one day, a recently leaked remix of "Heart Beat Rock" is doing the rounds and it's absolutely brilliant. The Benny Blanco mix takes a decent album track and transforms it into something utterly fabulous. I love everything about it - even MC Spank Rock's craptastic rap! That might sound a bit out of character given my hatred of "All I See" featuring Mims but this time around the track has been entirely deconstructed to the point where the rap becomes an integral part of the song instead of an embarrassing afterthought. I also think MC Spank Rock is my kind of rapper. Not only does he amusingly mispronounce Kylie's name throughout the entire song (Cali!) but he also busts a rhyme about getting hard and I'm sure this is the first and only time you'll hear lyrics about 'tha hood' in a Kylie tune! The remix itself is blissful. I particularly love the sirens! Perez Hilton is streaming the remix and likens it to Fergie, which is surely the single greatest compliment Kylie has ever received. Check it out, this is my second favourite "X" remix after the sublime extended version of "All I See".

Deni's Duet

When she's not abusing cheerleaders or ruining celebrity weddings, the fabulous Deni Hines occasionally finds the time to record some new material. The latest dose of aural ecstasy from Australia's reigning R'n'B queen is a sensual duet with some Z grade soul sister from America called Angela Johnson who, like Deni, is apparently "big in Japan". The song is called "Good Love" and can be found as the Japan only bonus track on Angela's latest album "A Woman's Touch". I didn't really know what to expect from this unlikely coupling but "Good Love" is a sweet slice of soul music. In fact, the song would have slotted in nicely on Deni's mid-90s masterpiece "Imagination".

"Good Love" does sound dated but quality vocals never go out of style and the breezy production makes this first class chill out material. I find it slightly strange that Deni sings the entire lead vocal. Angela obviously realised that she couldn't compete and stepped aside for the greater talent - either that or Deni was up to her old tricks and locked Angela out of the studio when they were recording! Whatever the case may be, the finished product is rather lovely. I don't think it will be everyone's cup of tea but Deni's 10 devoted fans should enjoy it. If you're really keen, you can import Angela's album from HMV Japan. Learn more about Deni's stunning duet partner by visiting her Myspace.

Chloe Lattanzi - Pop Trash Queen 2008

I don't even have to wait until the end of the year to christen Chloe Lattanzi the new queen of pop trash. I've always liked Olivia's insane daughter but since the beginning of MTV's "Rock The Cradle", my admiration has reached an entirely new level. This amazing diva has really captured my heart with her charismatic performances and her general inability to keep a lid on the crazy. A couple of weeks ago I wrote about Chloe's first two performances, well since then she's gone on the destroy her mother's classic "I Honestly Love You" in the most fabulous way imaginable and also managed to turn Korn's "Freak On A Leash" into a demented goth ballad while rolling around on the floor like a disabled hooker! Poor Chloe has been panned by the judges every week and ridiculed across the internet (despite his loud protestations, I'm convinced D Listed's Michael K is a HUGE fan!) but she keeps on scraping through the rounds. Chloe has now reached the final 5 contestants and her fate depends on the viewers' reaction to her mind blowing cover of Britney's "Toxic".

Car crash television seriously doesn't get any better than this. The clip begins with a visit to the teepee that Chloe's father lives in. No wonder Chloe is ten kinds of crazy - her father lives in a tent playing the didgeridoo! The excruciating look on Olivia's face says it all, you just know she's wishing the ground would swallow her up. (I highly recommend you watch the full hilarious clip of Chloe's teepee visit here - It explains a lot!) Chloe is then told she has to sing "Toxic" by Britney's ex-manager and bursts into tears and keeps on crying all through rehearsals. My favourite bit is when she breaks down and sobs "dude, I'm not Britney Spears"! They might share the same level of mental stability but Chloe goes on to prove her point by blowing Britney out of the water with a truly magnificent rendition of "Toxic". I love eveything about this - Chloe's demented posing on the staircase, her bizarre interaction with the hot guy tied to the chair, the gravelly quality of her voice and most of all, her bad dancing!

I really hope this stunning talent makes it through another elimination. I think people are connecting with Chloe in a big way. Her rawness is just so appealing. From the teepee footage it's painfully clear that Chloe is simply not equipped for the real world, let alone the entertainment business. Paradoxically, that's exactly what makes her so endearing. What you see is what you get and I think I'm in love!