Shakira - An Aural Fixation

I know I haven't written a lot about Shakira in the past but the dark rooted Colombian beauty is right up there with Beyoncé and Mariah as my favourite pan American superstar. Needless to say, recently leaked details of her upcoming 8th studio album have me in a complete spin. The line up of producers alone is staggering. The diva has apparently recorded tracks with Red One (Lady GaGa), Toby Gad (Fergie & Beyoncé) and Pharrell Williams (Gwen Stefani) as well as Wyclef Jean and reggaeton legends Calle 13. The album has a September release date, so it shouldn't be too long before we hear something new. In the meantime, I thought I'd write a post about her last project - the sorely undervalued "Oral Fixation".

Like most people outside of South America, "Laundry Service" was my introduction to Shakira. That album sold more than 20 million copies around the world. In Australia, it went five times platinum and produced three top 5 singles. The cultural impact was phenomenal. Latin music went mainstream and the Shakira look was everywhere - even my mum let her roots grow out and bought a peasant blouse! Cut to 2005. "Oral Fixation" is released with little fanfare and misses the top 50 altogether in this country. The 2006 re-release did considerably better on the back of "Hips Don't Lie" but it was still a remarkable fall from grace. That sales pattern held true for most of the (English speaking) world. So, what went wrong?

In short - just about everything. I love both volumes in their own way but there simply wasn't enough excellent material for two separate albums. As a result both turned out patchy. Add to that a dodgy title, some bad single choices and general confusion about what to promote in each different territory and you have a giant mess on your hands. The great shame is that Shakira had a blistering follow-up to "Laundry Service" in the can. The "Oral Fixation" sessions created some truly amazing music including two of my favourite songs of all time. Taking the best songs from both volumes results in one hell of a good album. I'm sure opinions differ wildly but I've listed my suggested tracklist for "Oral Fixation" below:


1. Hips Don't Lie

The song that saved the whole "Oral Fixation" campaign is a glorious slice of throwaway urban pop. I have a feeling Shakira will re-visit this sound on her new album given the list of collaborators.

2. La Pared

Dark, introspective and very beautiful.

3. Don't Bother

The lead single from Volume 2 is an underrated pop gem. Some of the lyrics are a bit dubious but there's real emotion in this. I particularly love the general 'woe is me' sentiment. The remixes were also unusually good.

4. La Tortura

This irresistibly catchy duet with Alejandro Sanz went to #1 in 25 countries. For good reason.

5. Hey You

Possibly the quirkiest song on either album. This jam boasts jangly guitars, a sing-a-long chorus, splashes of brass and the infamous lyric “I’d like to be the owner of the zipper on your jeans and that thing that makes you happy”. Classy.

6. Día Especial

I mentioned earlier that Oral Fixation produced two of my all time favourite songs. Well, "Día Especial" is the first of them. This languid, melancholy ballad is an exquisite exercise in restraint. The English version, “The Day And The Time”, is lovely too but the Spanish version is perfection. A classic.

7. How Do You Do

A highly original exploration of religion - complete with chanting and a surprisingly catchy rock-lite chorus.

8. Día de Enero

This sweet love song was a single in most of South America. It's as cute as a button and never fails to brighten my mood. Check out the cheap and cheerful video.

9. Timor

Possibly the world's only disco anti-war anthem. I almost choked the first time I heard this. It's so jarring to hear lyrics of this nature set to a thumping dance beat, which I guess is Shakira's way of highlighting the absurdity of war. "Timor" has to be heard to be believed!

10. Las de la Intuición

This is my other all time favourite song from "Oral Fixation". People think of Shakira as being a bit serious but "Las de la Intuición" is pure, unadulterated POP with a hands in the air chorus and killer beats. Make sure you check out the trashtastic video clip. Hearing this in a Madrid nightclub last year was something akin to a spiritual experience for me. Shakira later recorded "Las de la Intuición" in English under the title "Pure Intention" but avoid that rubbish at all costs.

These ten "Oral Fixation" gems are all truly brilliant but I hope we don't have to mix and match Shakira's next album!

Chris Sorbello: Electropop Diva

Ok, I admit it. I occasionally suffer from pop envy. It seems like every second ho in Europe owns a keyboard and spends their time churning out brilliant pop tunes. Meanwhile, in Australia, the pickings are comparatively slim. Bucking that unfortunate trend is the amazing Chris Sorbello. This Sydney based diva is making serious waves with her killer electropop anthems. Imagine Kylie mixed with Lady GaGa (perhaps with a sprinkling of Little Boots thrown in for good measure) to get some idea of her sound.

Chris first appeared on my radar last year with the fabulous "Danger Zone". It's the kind of song that slowly crawls under your skin. It took a couple of listens but I eventually fell for the crisp synths, icy vocals and poptastic chorus. For me, this ranks right up there with Isabel Guzman's "There Must Be Something" as the best unreleased pop track of 2008. New remixes continue to appear, so there's still a chance that "Danger Zone" might see the inside of a record store yet. Make sure you check out this gem below:



Danger Zone

Since "Danger Zone", Chris' sound has evolved to a whole new level. Her music is now darker, edgier and much more electronic. However, she is still wholeheartedly and unashamedly POP. The diva has a bunch of new tracks streaming on her Myspace and they all deserve your attention. My favourite is probably "So Lonely", which wouldn't sound out of place on Kylie's "X". The production is pure Bloodshy & Avant, while the chorus is pop bliss. The intro reminds me of "The Glamorous Life" but that could just be my Melissa Tkautz obsession raring its ugly head.

I also highly recommend "Ten Minutes Longer" - a floaty, pretty pop track that showcases Chris' softer side - and the slightly dirty "2 Seater Ride". This is the new anthem for backseat bitches across Australia! I'm less taken with the cool, robotic beats on "Symbiotic" and "Love Spam" makes me laugh for all the wrong reasons but even it's still fierce in a Lady GaGa gone wrong kind of way.

Chris Sorbello is definitely an electropop diva to watch in 2009. I have a feeling you'll be hearing a lot more from her in the near future.

CC Martini - The Update

CC Martini is one of my favourite artists in the whole wide world. She's brave, gutsy and utterly unique on the Australian music scene. CC has also become a good friend of mine. In a parallel universe (where I'm not into dick) we're probably taking a romantic walk on the beach at this very moment. Unfortunately, in this dimension, ours is a love that dare not speak its name. So I'd better get on with this post before CC takes out a restraining order.

The last time I caught up with Australia's Queen of pip pop, she had just returned from the States and was getting ready to unleash her sophomore album. There have been some massive changes since then. Here's a quick recap of recent developments:

- CC has dropped 'Martini' from her name. Now she's just CC, like that tranny on The Nanny!
- My beautiful ranga princess has left Shock Records.
- CC is fleeing Australia again! Her plan is to start over among the gays of San Francisco.
- The diva is now planning to distribute her music independently via a new interactive website that she's currently working on.
- CC plans to give away lots of her music for free!

While I'm sad CC is taking off again so quickly, I'm in awe of her dedication to music. Many lesser divas would have given up and taken a job at Woolworths by now. Instead, CC is still in the game and still churning out fantastic pop tunes.

CC, I wish you every success. Please find me a hot (preferably rich) husband in San Fran and stay in touch!

Girls Aloud - Officially Retire!

PRESS RELEASE

For immediate distribution

Girls Aloud officially announced their retirement today after weeks of speculation about their future. The BRIT award winners called a press conference and read the following statement: "After 7 long years together we have made the agonising decision to part ways. We're proud of achieving so much with so little and wish to thank all our amazing fans for their loyal support." When pushed for more information, (backing) vocalist Cheryl Cole wiped away her trademark tears and replied "We're like sisters. But I've outgrown them". Industry insiders suspect the decision may have been influence the dismal chart failure of their latest single "Untouchable".

The once popular group first came to public attention on the reality show "Popstars: The Rivals" in 2002, where the five members were selected from thousands of untalented applicants. While never reaching the lofty heights of the Spice Girls or the Sugababes (or even Mis-Teeq), the band went on to experience some minor chart success. Albeit only within the borders of the UK. Girls Aloud will be fondly remembered for their mastery of formulaic pop and their ability to score hits with uninspiring cover versions.

News of the split has been met with devastation and anger by fans. Sightings of effeminate males throwing themselves off buildings has risen tenfold since the announcement was made public, while the lingering sense of outrage is best exemplified by 12 year old Steve from the outskirts of Birmingham who posted the following message on the band's Myspace: "Soz but who do u slutz fink u r - tha saturdayz? lmfao!1!!"

It's not only fans that have been rocked by the news. Repercussions are being felt throughout the entire music world. Influential music website Pop Justice was immediately taken offline with founder Peter Robinson apparently unable to carry on, while Brian Higgins and the team from Xenomania were spotted popping down to their local Jobcentre between recording sessions with failed Norwegian popstar Annie.

Only time will tell what the future holds for the fivesome but some of the girls have already come forward with their immediate plans. Nicola Roberts tweeted about her upcoming appearance on Celebrity Extreme Makeover, stating "I'm a before photo if ever you've seen one." Meanwhile, former bandmate Kimberly Walsh has replaced Kerry Katona as the new face of Iceland.

More surprising is Cheryl Cole's announcement that she intends to quit X Factor at the end of the year in order to care for senile war criminals in the foothills of Argentina. Cheryl called on fans to donate generously to her new foundation "White Is Right". The other two members that no one cares about have remained silent but were photographed going directly to Mutya Buena's London bedsit from the press conference, carrying a box of cask wine and a copy of "Solo Careers For Dummies".

Liza Ventures Down Under

Touring really is the new black. With album sales nosediving, every fabulous diva with a predominantly gay fanbase is hitting the road to hawk their dusty, old wares. While Kylie sells out shows across the US (well one show!), the latest international tour extravaganza to hit Australian shores belongs to the legendary Liza Minnelli. The daughter of Judy Garland, the star of Cabaret (and Rent-A-Cop), the holy patron of painkillers - Liza is pure Hollywood royalty. I seriously haven't been this excited about a tour since Marcia Hines rocked my local RSL!

It's been a dream of mine to see Liza perform live for a very long time and I can't believe I'll finally be able to bask in her drunken glory come October. According to the touring company, Liza will perform all her classics including "Cabaret" and "Maybe This Time". I'd personally love to hear Ms Minnelli belt out some of the tracks from her brilliant disco album (1977's "Tropical Nights") but that's as unlikely as her turning up sober. Hopefully, my favourite Liza track - "Ring Them Bells" from "Liza With A Z" isn't completely out of the question. However, Liza could turn up and sing the Michael Bolton songbook and I would still be in 7th Heaven. October simply can not come quick enough!

In the meantime, I'd like to pay tribute to Liza's stunning interpretation of Michael Jackson's "You Are Not Alone". This is surely one of the best clips in the history of youtube. Make sure you check it out below.

Never Too Late For Kylie's US Tour

It's official. Hell has finally frozen over. Yes, pop fans - Kylie has announced her first American tour! The better late than never extravaganza will take in 5 American cities with one Canadian date thrown in for good measure. I'm so excited for Kylie's long suffering American fans. Apparently, all 23 of them have thrown a street party to celebrate. I actually think this will be a pretty hot ticket. Kylie is the ultimate live performer and I'm sure gays across the United States will make the pilgrimage to see her.

The set list should be very interesting. Kylie doesn't exactly have a lot of American hits to choose from, so I'm guessing she'll sing a lot of songs from her stunning #139 US monster hit "X". Watch the roof explode when Kylie belts out her massive radio smash "All I See"! I just hope she performs "It's No Secret", a top 40 hit for Kylie in America way back in 1988. The song is one of my all time favourites and it would be amazing to hear her sing it live. The fabulous video (below) is a true cinematic masterpiece. It was probably the last time we heard Kylie's real Australian accent and her acting skills are right up there with Meryl Streep's!

In all seriousness, nobody puts on a show like Kylie. Even if it's a scaled down version of X2008 it will still be light years ahead of the competition and I'd do just about anything to be there.

I'm Not Dead

I can't believe it's been 6 weeks since my last post! It's a bit of an understatement to say that my operation was a complete disaster. Basically, everything that could go wrong did go wrong - from a brief coma to a rather unpleasant bout of internal bleeding. It was really tough but hopefully the worst is behind me. Thanks a bunch for the kind comments, texts and e-mails. They cheered me up no end!

As far as blogging is concerned, I kind of don't know where to start. There are a couple of major changes on the horizon but for the time being it's business as usual. I wanted to return with a bang but I thought I'd keep things simple by just writing a quick post about the songs that have kept me company over the past few weeks. In my defence, I have been heavily sedated for most of that time - which could explain some of my choices!

Here are my top ten tracks from March/April 2009:

The gorgeous Lisa Mitchell

1. Coin Laundry - Lisa Mitchell

I hated Lisa Mitchell on Australian Idol and rudely wrote her off as a dull Sarah Blasko wannabe. I take it all back. Lisa brings something unique and lovely to the local music scene. My opinion changed when I heard her song "Neopolitan Dreams" on a UK television advert for soap powder and finally started to get her quirky appeal. Now I'm completely besotted. "Coin Laundry" is one of the best Australian pop songs released this year. It's so simple and pretty. I love the pared back beats and Lisa's romantic lyrics. Hopefully, she'll make an equally appealing video to accompany the song. In the meantime you can hear it on her Myspace.

2. El Camino - Sol Rojo

Sol is clearly the sexiest woman in Spain or the rest of the world for that matter. Her stunning features and incredibly broad child-bearing hips are almost enough to turn me straight! Happily, her music is just as fabulous as her image. I've been loving "El Camino" since last year but it really clicked over the past few weeks. It's so bright and sunny - the perfect antidote for a foul mood or a pesky coma. Make sure you check out the HOT video. Sol was made to be an FHM covergirl!

3. Zero - Yeah Yeah Yeahs

This is such a potent piece of pop music. Every time "Zero" comes on the radio, I have to pump up the volume and sing along. I've never been a fan of the band but "Zero" ticks all of my boxes from the electric production to the anthemic chorus. There's just something shiny and uplifting about the track, which is a surprise given their cooler than cool image. I'm really shocked this wasn't a bigger hit but I guess the Yeah Yeah Yeahs are more of an albums act. Speaking of which, I really should check out "It's Blitz!".

4. Siren Song - Bat For Lashes

I haven't shut up about Bat For Lashes this year. "Daniel" still has me completely and utterly under its spell but I initially found the album quite disappointing. "Two Suns" is finally starting to click with me - largely due to the brilliance of "Siren Song", which has to be the most gorgeous ballad released thus far in 2009. Natasha's lyrics are so raw and beautiful. This reminds me of something from Tori Amos' "Little Earthquakes" album with a bit of old school Fleetwood Mac thrown in for good measure. I hope "Siren Song" is a single but I guess it's not very commercial. Definitely download this one from iTunes.

5. Sleepyhead - Passion Pit

You know a song is quality when it puts a smile on your face even while you're bent over in pain in hospital. I stumbled across "Sleepyhead" on Rage at about 4am on a particularly bleak Saturday morning and it instantly lifted my mood. The quirky electro lullaby is a three minute dose of pure happiness. I don't know much about the group but I plan to fix that. Make sure you check out the cute video (below).

6. Your Love Found Me - Heidi Montag

Don't judge me! I don't care what anyone says, Heidi Montag is an AMAZING pop star. I've loved everything she has released and her recent EP "Wherever I Am" is no exception. I'll write more about that pop masterpiece another time but the highlight for me is the trashtastic "Your Love Found Me". This is pure cheese - think Ashlee Simpson produced by Stock Aitken Waterman - but still incredibly fabulous. I love the tragic chorus and Heidi's stunning vocals are just as... breathtaking as ever!


7. When Love Takes Over - David Guetta Ft. Kelly Rowland

Poor Kelly Rowland. She's had more flops than Beyoncé's had hits. On the bright side, Kelly can take heart in the fact that she's not Michelle Williams. But I digress. Miss Kelly's latest endeavour is seriously fabulous. French DJ David Guetta knows his way around a killer dance track and roping in a has-been from Destiny's Child turns out to be a masterstroke. "When Love Takes Over" is a hands in the air gay anthem of the highest order. Hopefully, Kelly will take note and focus on the dancefloor for her next flop album.

8. Boom Boom Pow - Black Eyed Peas

And the award for the song that I initially hated, then found annoying but catchy and ultimately fell in love with goes to "Boom Boom Pow". The Black Eyed Peas took a risk by going with this for their big comeback but it really paid off. The production is so unusual but the minimal beats and multitude of quirky hooks get stuck in your head and refuse to leave. It's also a treat to see Fergie's stunning meth face back in the media spotlight. Long live the Queen of urban pop!

9. LoveGame - Lady GaGa

I don't care if she is the biggest publicity whore in modern history, Lady GaGa is still ok by me as long as she keeps on churning out tunes as catchy and fierce as "LoveGame". Strangely, I didn't really get the track until it was released as a single. I still think there are far better tracks on the album but all that talk about disco sticks finally won me over.

10. Through With Love - Zuleyka

"Through With Love" is the best Cher track that Cher never recorded. Zuleyka is a fabulous tranny who first appeared on UK's Big Brother before deciding to launch a music career. I can't believe the hateful comments on youtube. Zuleyka has a better voice that Leona Lewis and Alexandra Burke put together, not to mention better looks and more personality. "Through With Love" is simply amazing and I can't wait to hear what s/he comes up with next!