Sour 7 - Disappreciation Thread

Mutya gives her verdict on "Sweet 7"

It's a sad day for pop music when the new Sugababes' album is only twice as good as the last Girls Aloud offering. Once upon a time you could bank on The Babes making their rivals look even more tragic than usual. While the racist and her talentless friends churned out the same old shit year after year, Keisha & co continued to mix up their sound and brought some much needed class and dignity to the charts - regardless of the seemingly endless line up changes. The ship really should have sunk with Mutya's departure but the group somehow managed to survive without the realest girl in pop. "Catfights and Spotlights" was disappointing but eventually grew on me and I thought "Get Sexy" was a good omen for their 7th album. The ladies seemed back on track until Keisha was shown the door and it became blindingly obvious that she was the glue keeping the group together all these years. As far as I'm concerned the Sugababes officially died when Jade Ewen signed on. I could deal with horsey Heidi and crazy Amelle as replacements but a floptastic Eurovision failure with the charisma of a burst colostomy bag? Was Mel Blatt too busy?

Despite my disillusion with the brand, I was still genuinely excited about "Sweet 7". The line up of producers is mouth watering. RedOne, Stargate, Fernando Garibay and Toby Gad have created some of the best songs of all time. The Sugababes might be a complete farce but it's impossible to get the music wrong with all these heavyweights, right? Apparently not. I'm a huge fan of American pop but this album represents everything wrong with it - recycled beats, generic lyrics and soulless mid-tempo ballads. There is an obvious hierachy when it comes to working with the A List and the Sugababes got Beyoncé and Rihanna's hand me downs. Hell, I think they got the shit Jordin Sparks rejected! It's easy to point the finger at the producers or the record company for ruthlessly pursuing the US market but other British acts have effortlessly jumped on board the American pop bandwagon (see my recent posts on Livvi Franc and Tania Foster for starters), so the blame has to lie with Heidi, Amelle and Jade. They simply simply don't click as a group and are completely out of touch with their fanbase. The girls need to change their name or pull the plug. "Sweet 7" is the final nail in the Sugababes' rotting coffin.

I'm not going to give the album a proper track by track review because I find it too depressing. However, here is my cheat sheet to "Sweet 7":

Get Sexy

A decent lead single that sounds infinitely better when you're off your face in a club. The song will always hold a special place in my heart due to the band's surprise appearance on Pop Trash Addicts to promote it. Their hints on getting sexy (below) have been a constant source of amusement to me.

Wear My Kiss

"Wear My Kiss" is the best track on the album by a very wide margin. Fernando Garibay has been on a tear recently - delivering killer tracks for Lady GaGa and Whitney - and he continues to impress. I have a feeling this is going to be a massive flop but it's the only song on the album that Version 2.0 would have touched with a ten foot pole. Make sure you download the glorious WAWA remix from iTunes. It's one of my favourite tunes of 2010. Brilliant.

About A Girl

Keisha's version > Jade's version. But they're both RedOne on autopilot.

Wait For You

This doesn't quite scale the same heights as "Wear My Kiss" but it's a decent slice of uptempo dance-pop with a surprisingly cute chorus. It just sounds suspiciously similar to Lady GaGa's vastly superior "No Way" - a song Fernando previously submitted for "The Fame Monster".

Thank You For The Heartbreak

The Sugababes go electro with a little help from Stargate. Sounds amazing? It isn't.

Miss Everything (Featuring Sean Kingston)

A three and a half minute lesson in how to be a gold digging skank. Siobhán is lying in the foetal position somewhere clutching her copy of The Female Eunuch begging Jesus for forgiveness.

She's A Mess

This unveiled attack on Mutya is completely unnecessary. It's not her fault "she's sweating bullets" and "her heels are broke". You try dragging those butt implants around the club! Mut Mut will have her revenge!

Give It To Me Now

The clown behind Cheryl Cole's "Parachute" was responsible for this mess. Enough said.

Crash & Burn

OK, I like this. Toby Gad's ballads have a way of sucking me in - particularly Fergie's "Big Girls Don't Cry" and Bey's "If I Were A Boy". "Crash & Burn" isn't in the same league as those stunning anthems but it is lovely and one of the few songs on "Sweet 7" that showcases the fact that these women can actually sing. Unlike Girls Aloud.

No More You

Stargate's ability to recycle beats should be acknowledged by the Guinness Book Of World Records. I swear I've heard this song 500 times before and I'm pretty sure that almost all of them have been just as shit.

Sweet & Amazing

When I saw the title I expected a much deserved tribute to Keisha but it's just another mid-tempo ballad - albeit an unexpectedly cute one. This is worth a listen.

Little Miss Perfect

Trite, lame and embarrassing. A fitting conclusion to a diabolical album.

RATING: 3/10

R.I.P Sugababes - thanks for the memories!

Death Of The Sugababes?

In what is surely the final death knell for England's greatest ever girlband (after Vanilla), Amelle has apparently quit the Sugababes to pursue a solo career. According to media reports Z grade urban diva Jade Ewen has been roped in as a replacement but I really think it's time to pull the plug. The girls never really got over the departure of the realest girl in pop (speaking of Mutya, she's in the news again herself after unveiling new breast and butt implants!) and another line-up change would be disastrous - particularly with their latest studio album "Sweet 7" already in the can and waiting for release. Are they really going to go back and re-record the whole thing? I'm sure Amelle has her reasons (ie. she's a money hungry fame whore) but I think it's quite low to pull a stunt like this with a new album on the way. Sure, she recently scored a #1 hit but so did Mel C and she can't give her CDs away for free outside of lesbian nightclubs. The person I feel the sorriest for in this whole debacle is Keisha. That poor bitch has been the backbone of the group since 1998 and now has to deal with yet another ungrateful slut slapping her in the face. I think she should call Mutya and release a stunning duet about well hung women overcoming adversity. Take take Amelle! In the meantime, let's pay tribute to possibly the last incarnation of the Sugababes by re-watching their Pop Trash Addicts interview. RIP.

The Sugababes Do Pop Trash Addicts!

A couple of weeks ago a bunch of bloggers were asked to submit a question to the Sugababes, which they would then address in a video. I never thought they would answer my insightful query ("Is Mutya the realest girl in pop?") and as it turns out, they didn't. They did, however, respond to my plea for tips on getting sexy! I've been getting a lot of less than subtle hints lately ("you should grow your hair, then we can style it" and "that cardigan has to go"), so I thought I would turn to the sexperts for help. And the Babes came through! I swear Keisha needs her own talk show. She rambles on about being confident despite your bodyshape (did someone send her my high school photos?) and suggests buying a nice perfume. Oprah has nothing on this diva! Amelle then talks about dressing down and getting your hair done, while Heidi preaches healthy living. It's all completely riveting and absolutely adorable but my favourite part? When Amelle says "you're watching Pop Trash Addicts". I nearly cried!

The Sugababes' amazing new single and recent Pop Panel champion "Get Sexy" is released in the UK this week. Download it now from iTunes or order the physical single from Amazon or HMV. Also, make sure you check out the Babes' fabulous response to Chart Rigger's classy question!

Girls Aloud - Officially Retire!

PRESS RELEASE

For immediate distribution

Girls Aloud officially announced their retirement today after weeks of speculation about their future. The BRIT award winners called a press conference and read the following statement: "After 7 long years together we have made the agonising decision to part ways. We're proud of achieving so much with so little and wish to thank all our amazing fans for their loyal support." When pushed for more information, (backing) vocalist Cheryl Cole wiped away her trademark tears and replied "We're like sisters. But I've outgrown them". Industry insiders suspect the decision may have been influence the dismal chart failure of their latest single "Untouchable".

The once popular group first came to public attention on the reality show "Popstars: The Rivals" in 2002, where the five members were selected from thousands of untalented applicants. While never reaching the lofty heights of the Spice Girls or the Sugababes (or even Mis-Teeq), the band went on to experience some minor chart success. Albeit only within the borders of the UK. Girls Aloud will be fondly remembered for their mastery of formulaic pop and their ability to score hits with uninspiring cover versions.

News of the split has been met with devastation and anger by fans. Sightings of effeminate males throwing themselves off buildings has risen tenfold since the announcement was made public, while the lingering sense of outrage is best exemplified by 12 year old Steve from the outskirts of Birmingham who posted the following message on the band's Myspace: "Soz but who do u slutz fink u r - tha saturdayz? lmfao!1!!"

It's not only fans that have been rocked by the news. Repercussions are being felt throughout the entire music world. Influential music website Pop Justice was immediately taken offline with founder Peter Robinson apparently unable to carry on, while Brian Higgins and the team from Xenomania were spotted popping down to their local Jobcentre between recording sessions with failed Norwegian popstar Annie.

Only time will tell what the future holds for the fivesome but some of the girls have already come forward with their immediate plans. Nicola Roberts tweeted about her upcoming appearance on Celebrity Extreme Makeover, stating "I'm a before photo if ever you've seen one." Meanwhile, former bandmate Kimberly Walsh has replaced Kerry Katona as the new face of Iceland.

More surprising is Cheryl Cole's announcement that she intends to quit X Factor at the end of the year in order to care for senile war criminals in the foothills of Argentina. Cheryl called on fans to donate generously to her new foundation "White Is Right". The other two members that no one cares about have remained silent but were photographed going directly to Mutya Buena's London bedsit from the press conference, carrying a box of cask wine and a copy of "Solo Careers For Dummies".

Perfume - Dream Fighter

It's time for some of the amazing Asian pop music I keep threatening to write about but never quite seem to get around to. Sitting at the top of my much neglected "To Do" list is Perfume - Japan's hottest girlband. These three lovely ladies hail from Hiroshima, where they experienced some local success before packing their bags and heading for Tokyo to crack the big time. After a couple of misfires, Perfume finally hit the top 10 in late 2007 and their popularity has snowballed ever since. In July last year, they took things to another level by becoming the first "techno-pop" act (I guess we'd describe it as electro-pop) to score a #1 hit in Japan with the fabulous "Love The World". As much as I love that song and I love it A LOT, the follow-up is even better.

"Dream Fighter" is a truly spectacular pop tune. Released late last year in Japan (where it peaked at #2), the track is a rambling five and a half minute epic that keeps you hooked from the first kooky beat to the last. The girls sound amazing but much of the credit has to go to Yasutaka Nakata - the man in charge of Ami Suzuki's stunning "Dolce" and "Supreme Show" albums. His production is exquisite. I love the layers of sound, the quirky sound effects and the surprising flourishes of 70s space disco. Yasutaka's ability to avoid the coldness and sterility that commonly pervades electronic pop music is startling. "Dream Fighter" is deep, lush and catchy to the point of being ridiculous. I've been walking around singing the chorus for weeks and I can't speak a word of Japanese! It's only a matter of time before a western pop star comes along and hires this guy. I just hope it's someone worthy. Like a Minogue.

Make sure you check out the "Dream Fighter" video (below). It's a great example of a really simple concept executed brilliantly. The costumes, direction and special effects are all spot on. Then there's the loopy choreography. The girls from Perfume are almost as famous for their intricate dance routines as they are for their music and this clip demonstrates why.

Vanilla Vs Vogue

Firstly, I'd just like to say that this is my 400th post. Yay me! I can't think of a better way to celebrate this milestone than featuring what has to be Britain's worst ever girlband. And by worst, I obviously mean best. I'm talking about the glorious girls from Vanilla, who dragged popular music to a stunning new low with their legendary 1997 top 20 hit "No Way, No Way". Built around a sample of "Mah Nà Mah Nà" from The Muppet Show, Vanilla's anthem was a staggeringly awful attempt to grab a slice of the Spice Girls' pie at the height of girlband mania in the late 90s. I'm actually surprised "No Way, No Way" performed as well as it did given the quality (or lack thereof) of the song. The first time I heard it I was convinced it was a piss take. The "vocals" on this record have to be heard to be believed and the lyrics are even worse ("If you force yourself on me, things are going to get nar-sty!") That's not to mention the video clip (below), which highlights the girls' complete lack of coordination and breathtaking absence of style.

The crazy thing is "No Way, No Way" is actually a fantastic pop song in spite of itself. The sample is a stroke of genius and the god awful chorus gets under your skin like a flesh eating disease. In a nutshell, "No Way, No Way" is a cult classic that deserves some love for proving once and for all that any old whore can become a popstar. I have no idea what these legends are up to now but I like to think at least one of them is working the register at Woolworths. Speaking of British girlbands, it's interesting that the wheel has turned almost full circle after a couple of lean years and we're back to the boom days of the late 90s. The Saturdays have taken over from Girls Aloud as the current darlings of the pop scene, while bands like Red Blooded Women, Stonefoxx and City Girls wait patiently in the wings. Well, you can add another name to the growing list of up and coming UK girlbands - Vogue.

Vogue is comprised of three "stunners" from Yorkshire who describe themselves as "the new princesses of Clubland". They are currently supporting Cascada on tour so I guess it must be true. Scarily, these divine beings remind me of Vanilla. It's not their sound - the girls can actually sing and their dance beats are a world away from whatever craptastic genre "No Way, No Way" belongs to - but the similarity lies with Vogue's cheap and cheerful image (see above). They are geared to the lowest common denominator, which probably explains why I like them so much. Their upcoming single "Twilight" is an uptempo slice of dance-pop that should get Cascada fans all hot and bothered. It's scheduled for release on the 20th of April and I'd love to see it scrape into the charts. The video (below) is quite a glamorous affair and basically involves the ladies frolicking at the beach. I'd take them over Girls Aloud any day!

Rollout With Labelle

I love my geriatric girlbands (The Jacob Sisters, Las Supremas etc), so I really couldn't resist checking out Labelle's first record in over 30 years and I was not disappointed. "Back To Now" is a great comeback album with an even greater cover. Drag queens around the globe would kill for those outfits! The highly glamorous trio invite the listener on an enjoyable trip down memory lane by delivering a solid set of soulful jams. Patti, Nona and Sarah still know how to bring the funk and they're not afraid to use it! Some critics have described the album as dated but I think timeless better describes their sound. However, the majority of songs will only be of interest to fans of old school soul (like myself) with one glaring exception - the incredibly trashtastic and utterly fabulous "Rollout".

Produced by ex-Fugee Wyclef Jean, "Rollout" is an endearing attempt to drag Labelle kicking and screaming into the 21st century. This could be the best urban pop tune ever recorded by a bunch of 60+ year old women! Patti takes the lead for this empowering tale of girl granny power and kicks her useless man to the curb by declaring "Buy your own cigarettes, walk your own pets - I'm out the door"! The production on this is superb. I love the heavy groove, occasional synth and, most of all, the way Patti screams "Lay-deez!" throughout the entire song. "Rollout" was chosen as the first single but it hasn't really taken off yet. No doubt if image wasn't important and music was simply judged on its merits, this fierce jam would be burning up the charts. It really is well worth a listen, so check it out below. You can order "Back To Now" from Chaos or simply download "Rollout" from iTunes.

City Girls - O.M.G.

Occasionally I hear a song so wonderfully awful that it literally stops me in my tracks. City Girls' debut "O.M.G." is just one of those gems - a tune so bad it transcends the taste barrier to the point of being FABULOUS. So who are these City Girls and what makes "O.M.G." so fucking trashtastic? In response to the first question, they are a new four piece girlband aiming for a piece of the pop pie currently being munched by The Saturdays. Their sound isn't worlds apart from Red Blooded Women, Electrovamp or Stonefox but it's their lyrical genius that really makes them stand out, which basically answers the second question. "O.M.G." boasts some of the crappiest rhymes in recent memory. My personal favourite is "OMG you're stalking me, you're freaking me out. No LOL, you bother me. What's it all about?" This opus about love via Myspace deserves an Ivor Novello award. That's not to mention the overbearing production or the trashy typing sound effects at the end of the song!

According to City Girls' website, "O.M.G." was released in August but it doesn't appear to have charted at all. I guess there's no accounting for taste! Happily, the girls haven't been deterred by this minor setback. Sheena, Sian, Sophie and Rebecca are busy touring high schools and even lend their immense vocal talent to the DS Nintendo Girlband game. If the songs on their Myspace are any indication, they have some real potential. I love the clips of "Make Up Your Mind" and "Tell Me Why", while "Dancing Like Swayze" gets my trash juices flowing with the amazing chorus "You're there dancing like Swayze. I'm here dancing like Baby"! It will be interesting to see what the future holds for City Girls but at least we have the musical masterpiece that is "O.M.G." to enjoy in the meantime. Check out the amazing video clip below.

On a completely different note - I'd like to say farewell to Billiam who annnounced their split today. Yes, they were shit but I liked their rubbish songs and I wish them all the best for their next venture. "Boyz Text Girlz" will live on forever as a trash classic of the highest order.

Spain's Best Musical Act - EVER!

Even if Soraya, Marta Sanchez and Mónica Naranjo joined forces to form a girlband (assuming for a moment that Mónica is actually a woman), they still wouldn't be able to compete with Madrid's breathtakingly fabulous and stunningly gorgeous Las Supremas de Móstoles. I've come across a wealth of trashtastic talent during my travels but these heavenly beings are truly in a league of their own. Susi, Vicki and Luisi represent everything I love about music. The ladies are irreverent, outrageous and endlessly entertaining. Not to mention the fact that they positively exude glamour and camp appeal from every saggy orifice! Las Supremas de Móstoles are probably my favourite girlband since Germany's legendary Jacob Sisters died of old age and their music is essential listening for fans of quality trash.


The sisters (I know it's hard to believe that one family could be so blessed!) started their career as backing vocalists for acts such as Paulina Rubio and Los del Río. After standing in the shadows of lesser talents for years, perhaps decades by the look of them, Las Supremas de Móstoles finally struck out on their own in 2005 and submitted a song for Eurovision called "Eres Un Enfermo" - basically, "You Are A Pervert"! The competition must have been rigged because their stunning anthem only came second and their dreams of Eurovision glory were rudely shattered. On the bright side, Spain was completely overwhelmed by their sex appeal and Las Supremas de Móstoles scored a record deal, resulting in the album "A Go Go". However, I'm more interested in their English language debut, which was released in late 2007 to much acclaim. By Spanish drag queens.


An album mainly comprised of hits from the 70s and 80s, "Philadelphia Disco Party" is about as much fun as you can have without a condom. Covers albums are hardly rare but this stands out from the crowd with its quirky song selection and the ladies' heavily accented English. You haven't lived until you've heard Las Supremas de Móstoles destroy/improve on classics like "We Are Family" and "I'm So Excited"! As much as I enjoy those tracks, I prefer the less obvious choices like Boney M's "Gotta Go Home" and Gloria Estefan's "Everlasting Love". I particularly love the four covers of hits by The Three Degrees - surely one of the greatest girlbands of all time. "Philadelphia Disco Party" is available on both UK and Australian iTunes. If you have to download only one song, go for "Take Good Care Of Yourself" or "Dirty Old Man" (watch a fabulous live performance below). Many thanks to Pablo and Fernando for giving me this masterpiece. A boy couldn't ask for a better souvenir from Madrid.

Baccara's Back!

Fuck Donna Summer and her hideous "Crayons", the real treat of 2008 for disco fans is the highly anticipated comeback of Spain's Baccara! Even if you're not familiar with the name, you'll know their 1977 #1 smash hit "Yes Sir, I Can Boogie", which has been covered (badly) by everyone from Sophie Ellis-Bextor to Goldfrapp. Try as they might, those cheap whores never had a chance in hell of matching the fabulous allure of Mayte and Maria, who continued to enthrall fans around the globe with their exquisite disco anthems until parting ways in 1981.

Failed solo careers lead both ladies to reform the group, albeit with new partners - resulting in two official Baccaras! Maria's Baccara (often referred to as "New Baccara") initially experienced considerably more success, scoring hits with the stunning "Call Me Up" and glorious "Fantasy Boy". However, Mayte's Baccara made an unexpected return to prominence in 2004 when they were robbed of Melodifestivalen glory with their breathtaking "Soy Tu Venus". Make sure you check out the clip of their performance. The moment when the old birds rip off their skirts is Euro camp at its best! It is this incarnation of the group that is about to embark on a comeback in Germany.

I haven't heard Baccara's new album yet but I already know I'll enjoy at least half of it. The glamorously titled "Satin...In Black And White" contains six of their classic tunes, including not one but three versions of "Yes Sir, I Can Boogie"! Personally, I'm dying to hear the reworked versions of "Darling" and "Sorry, I'm A Lady" as well as the new material. Excitingly, the album reunites Mayte with Rolf Soja - their original producer and the mastermind behind "Yes Sir". With Rolf's return and song titles like "Girls Are One Half Of Heaven" and "The Mathematix Of Love", I have a feeling this could be the Euro-trash album of the year! Here's the tracklisting:

1. Nights In Black Satin
2. Sorry, I'm A Lady (New Version)
3. Cara Mia (New Version)
4. Girls Are One Half Of Heaven
5. Yes Sir I Can Boogie (Latin Version 2008)
6. Yes Sir I Can Swing
7. Simply Forget
8. The Devil Sent You To Lorado (New Version)
9. The Mathematix Of Love
10. Sleepy-Time-Toy (New Version)
11. Darling (New Version)
12. (I Don't Want) To Lose Lautrec
13. German Medley (Yes Sir I Can Boogie / Ich bin eine Lady / Dich schickt der Teufel nach Lorado)

While you're in a Baccara kind of mood, check out this stunning rendition of "Sorry, I'm A Lady" from 1977 (below). Mayte is the bombshell in the black dress. Words can't adequately describe how much I love this riveting performance. Their lovely accents, stunning dance moves and fabulous outfits - utter perfection! I really was born in the wrong era. Today's music just sounds so lifeless and shit in comparison. You can pre-order "Satin...In Black And White" from German Amazon. It's released officially on the 27th of June. Be warned, it's priced at a whopping 29 Euros!

Sirens Are Back!

Unfortunately I'm not referring to the legendary Australian girlband of the same name but the slightly less fabulous foursome of pommy slappers. While not possessing the charisma or stunning vocal ability of their antipodean counterparts, the English Sirens still managed to carve out a loyal cult following with their 2004 debut album. The girls flopped miserably in the UK but they found an appreciative audience in Japan, where their attitude filled dance anthems were lapped up by pop fans.

I loved Siren's first album and firmly believe it was ahead of its time. Hopefully, their reincarnation as an urban dance trio (one poor bitch got the boot) will bring them the success they deserve. The trashy tarts should be vying for chart dominance in no time if their stunning comeback single is any indication. "Club La La" is being released in two formats, an urban version and a dance radio remix. No prizes for guessing which I prefer! The dance version of "Club La La" (below) is a cracking electro feast. I love the trashy lyrics and the completely nonsensical chorus. This is the best 'la la la'-ing since "Can't Get You Out Of My Head"! The video is a zero budget extravaganza complete with unconvincing thugs and bad breakdancing. I love it! The Jody Den Broeder Club Mix was released on UK iTunes this week, so get downloading! There's no word yet on an Australian release but you can download their first album ("Control Freaks") from Aus iTunes.

Move aside Whores Aloud, you are now completely redundant!

The End Of An Era

The pop world has lost one of its brightest stars with the passing of Hannelore Jacob, best known to fans of trash culture as the youngest of the legendary poodle loving Jacob Sisters. I'm devastated by the news and I'd like to pass on my condolences to all of Hannelore's friends, fans and family. The Jacob Sisters are (I still can't bring myself to use the past tense) my favourite "girlband". Their stunning glamour is undeniable and their fabulous 50 year career has covered every musical genre in the book. Which other group of ravishing 70 year olds could possibly cover Kylie's "Your Disco Needs You" with the same passion and brilliant mastery of the English language?

I have my fingers crossed that Johanna, Rosi and Eva will continue to inspire fans around the globe with their wonderful music after they have mourned the loss of their sister. The group wont be the same as a threesome but I think Hannelore would want them to carry on doing what they do best. I just hope someone is looking after Hanni's poodles. Take a moment to grieve for Hannelore by watching the Jacob Sisters perform their smash hit "The Hampster Dance". The humourless trolls in Girls Aloud and Sugababes wish they had an ounce of this breathtaking talent! Hannelore, you will be sorely missed.

Rest In Peace

Risk It For A Biscuit

The music industry could show the rest of the business world a thing or two about recycling. I'm not talking about the rampant sampling that goes on or the flood of cover versions but the popular practice of reviving old ideas. That's not necessarily a bad thing. Take the UK's fabulous new girlband Electrovamp - they strike me as the reincarnation of Shampoo with a touch of Daphne & Celeste thrown in for good measure. We've heard it all before but in comparison to their lacklustre pop contemporaries, Electrovamp sound positively groundbreaking. Despite a mixed response to their debut single in the UK, "I Don't Like The Vibe In The VIP" has been picked up for an Australian release - probably to cash in on the success of another electropop duo, The Veronicas. Yes, familiarity is a highly prized commodity in the pop world!

Electrovamp are two naughty teenage sisters from Cardiff. I can't find a lot of information about Tammy and Kally on the net but it appears they previously performed under the name Cookie and Kute - and suffered the indignity of supporting Sluts Aloud on their "Waking Up The Neighbours" tour. In fact, there is more than a touch of Xenomania about "I Don't Like The Vibe In The VIP". The formulaic beats, pounding bass and guitar are all on display. Thankfully, the song is saved from being another electro-bore by the fun lyrics and Electrovamp's cheeky attitude. The dirty dollies chirp "I'll be your schoolgirl dream" before promising "I'll make you scream like you ain't done it in ages!" This is exactly the kind of cheerfully tawdry filth Shampoo would be making if they were still around today. As much as I like the song, the video (below) sealed the deal for me. Girls flashing their tits, a lesbian orgy in the pool, coke snorting and simulated oral sex - for a while there I thought I was watching an episode of "Skins"!

"I Don't Like The Vibe In The VIP" is released in Australia on the 3rd of March. You can pre-order your copy here. I particularly like the Jack Rokka mix, which you can hear on Electrovamp's myspace.

Cherry - I Want Your Love

A little birdie recently told me that Australia's holy queen of trash (ie. Melissa Tkautz) is covering an old Transvision Vamp song for her eagerly awaited comeback album. I haven't been this excited since Mel's appointment as an erectile dysfunction spokeswoman! Ms Tkautz was born to sex up "I Want Your Love" or "Baby, I Don't Care". I really hope the rumours are true! Melissa would definitely be the most fabulous local act to take on Wendy James but not the first. Cherry, perhaps Australia's most neglected girlband, takes that honour - covering "I Want Your Love" way back in 1999.

Girlbands flourished in the late 90s, largely due to the success of the Spice Girls. It was only a matter of time before Australia jumped on the bandwagon and Cherry duly appeared in 1998. The parallels between Cherry and the Spice Girls were all two obvious - both groups had five members (including a token black diva) and both featured a rotund redhead called Geri in the line-up! Unlike the Spice Girls, however, Cherry didn't experience much chart success despite releasing three excellent singles - the second of which being an endearingly faithful cover of Transvision Vamp's "I Want Your Love".

Cherry could never be accused of being particularly original but they were entertaining and brightened up the local pop scene no end in their short career. I have no idea what happened to the girls but Camielle appears to have released a floptastic R'n'B single after the group disbanded. I'd love to hear it. If you like Cherry's version of "I Want Your Love", learn more about the lovely ladies on their fabulous Myspace fansite.

The Wonder Girls

If I had to choose a theme song for January 2008 it would be a close call between Kylie's "Wow" and "Tell Me" by the Wonder Girls. While Dannii's sister and an obscure Korean girlband would initially appear to have little in common, both songs constitute a three and a half minute trip to pure pop heaven. I expect pop perfection from a Minogue but the magnificence of the Wonder Girls comes as a wonderful surprise.

I've always been slightly wary of Asian pop. As a general rule, I prefer my music in a language I can understand or at least vaguely follow. Then, there are the incredibly annoying J-Pop loons that pollute most music forums. As far as I'm concerned, anyone who can contribute to an Ayumi vs Utada debate most likely has an altar to the dark prince in their bedroom. Despite these considerable hurdles, I've found myself becoming increasingly fascinated by the Asian pop scene thanks to the expert guidance of my friend Nori, who has kindly introduced me to a cavalcade of fabulous acts - including the Wonder Girls.

A manufactured girlband with five members between the ages of 15 and 19, the Wonder Girls strike me as South Korea's answer to the Spice Girls - only with better hair and the ability to dance. The Wonder Girls hit it big with "Tell Me", an unfathomably catchy jam that topped the Korean sales chart for 7 weeks and went on to become the biggest hit of 2007. It's easy to see the appeal. "Tell Me" is undoubtedly a work of pop genius. From the clever sampling of Stacey Q's "Two Of Hearts" to the catchy chorus, the song stands out as an instant classic. Make sure you check out the fabulous video clip (below). The dance routine has become a phenomenon of its own in South Korea and the scene where the girls beat up a flasher belongs in the Pop Trash hall of fame!

Even if you usually steer well clear of foreign pop, take a chance on the Wonder Girls. "Tell Me" is one of those rare songs that transcends language.

2 Very Trashy Girls!

I've been obsessed with 2 Girls ever since my lovely friend Lexy sent me the link to their jaw-droppingly craptastic "Fallin' Angels" video clip (below). I was immediately smitten by the tacky production and incompetent "special effects", not to mention their disturbingly robotic vocals and tragic dancing ability. However, I became seriously hooked when I realised that these stunning divas were the daughters of Z-grade movie icon Judy Landers and thus, nieces of the delightful Audrey Landers - one of my favourite 80s pop stars! Lindsey and Kristy obviously inherited their phenomenal talent from the Landers' family gene pool but they still have a lot to learn from their fierce mother and auntie (pictured above). Where is the obligatory faux lesbian Playboy photoshoot for Landers siblings? The wooden acting? The fabulously inane lyrics about Spanish beaches? With their indisputable pedigree, I have no doubt 2 Girls will display all of these endearing qualities in their next big budget extravaganza and I, for one, can not wait!

Learn more about these goddesses on their Myspace. Unfortunately I can't find a lot of information about the release of "Fallin' Angels". It appears the lovely ladies have released an album exclusive to US Target stores and American iTunes but there are no details regarding an international version. If anyone knows where I get an MP3 of this masterpiece, I would be eternally grateful! The fabulousness of 2 Girls has inspired me to work on a post about Audrey Landers. Stay tuned!

Aus Pop Flashback - Jackson Mendoza

I hope everyone had a great Christmas and brought in the new year with a bang. I've enjoyed a short blogging holiday but I'm back and ready to explore new lows in popular music! Unfortunately, nothing much is happening in the pop world at the moment, so I thought I would kick off 2008 with a craptacular flashback post about the very short lived but extremely fabulous Australian girlband, Jackson Mendoza.

The group consisted of two sisters, Natalie and Rebecca, who stood out from the crowd due to their exotic Eurasian looks and their unique brand of girl power pop. Jackson Mendoza only released two singles but both "Venus Or Mars" and "Ordinary Girl" climbed into the top 30 in 2000. "Venus Or Mars", in particular, became a huge radio hit and should be fairly familiar to most of you. I'm not sure why the girls quit after two relatively successful singles but it could have something to do with Rebecca being stabbed by her then husband (who subsequently killed himself).

On a brighter note, both sisters went on to enjoy considerable acting success after Jackson Mendoza disbanded. Rebecca appeared in Star Wars: Revenge Of The Sith and The Lord Of The Rings, while Natalie shared the screen with Nicole Kidman in Moulin Rouge and now appears in the UK television show Hotel Babylon. Eight years have passed since the release of "Venus Or Mars" and "Ordinary Girl" but the songs still sparkle, making Jackson Mendoza one of the more intriguing pop oddities of the decade.

The Veronicas Strike Back

After my last post, I thought I should cover something a little less controversial this time around! So I've gone with a short post about Brisbane's famous Origliasso twins, also known as The Veronicas. It's rare enough for a successful band to change its sound between albums but The Veronicas have gone one step further, shedding the generic pop/rock trappings of their debut to reemerge as a slick electro-pop duo. The transformation has completely revived my interest in the girls. I loved their debut single but the rest of "The Secret Life Of The Veronicas" played like a Kelly Clarkson mixtape.

It took me a while to warm up to the new and improved Veronicas, but "Hook Me Up" turned out to be one of the year's best pop tunes. Amazingly, its follow up is better yet. From the opening strings, "Untouched" holds your attention in a vice like grip for the entire 3:40 minute running time. The expert mix of beats and guitars provides the perfect background from the girls' pitch perfect harmonies and suitably pouty spoken verses. However, it is the pleading chorus that really shines. One listen and you're hooked! "Untouched" debuted at #4 on the Australian singles chart tonight and I hope it can follow "Hook Me Up" to #1 in the coming weeks. You can order the "Untouched" CD single from Chaos or download it from iTunes. Check out the video clip below.

The Gayest Album Ever?

I honestly thought the Young Divas' debut album was the gayest thing I had ever heard. An endearing collection of camp pop classics ("Gloria", "Woman In Love", "What A Feeling" etc), the album struck a chord with homosexuals and bored housewives across Australia and became an unexpected double platinum smash hit. Twelve months have passed since then and the band has undergone some cosmetic changes. Ricki-Lee Coulter left the band to pursue a solo career and was replaced by last year's Australian Idol runner up, Jessica Mauboy. The line up might be different but end product is very much the same. The girls have delivered another fabulous album of reworked gay classics. The critics will deride their lack of development and credibility but I applaud the young divas for serving up another feast of the low brow magic. The rest of the world can have Girls Aloud and the Sugababes, I'm more than satisfied with our local superstar girlband! Here is my track by track review:

Got To Be Real - 9/10

Few songs make you want to get up and dance more than Cheryl Lynn's "Got To Be Real". As such, Cheryl's much loved disco classic is the perfect opening track for "New Attitude". The divas make it blindingly obvious from the very first song that the album's one and only objective is to get you out of your seat and "Got To Be Real" conveys that message in great style. Disco purists will be horrified by the trashy rap but I think it works wonderfully. It's complete inappropriateness renders the song even more camp if that is even possible.

If I Can't Have You - 8/10

The nod to disco continues with a dashing and surprisingly faithful cover of Yvonne Elliman's "If I Can't Have You". The song is a welcome blast of pure pop but the girls bring nothing new to the track. In fact, their version is virtually interchangeable with Kim Wilde's 1993 version - only with better vocals. Expect this to be a party favourite over the Christmas season.

Turn Me Loose (Ft. Savage) - 9/10

The first single from the album is a sublime dance cover of Loverboy's "Turn Me Loose". It will be interesting to see how the song performs on the charts but download sales have been promising. "Turn Me Loose" is the divas' biggest concession to current music trends with its slight urban edge and hilarious rap. It might sound like a mess but "Turn Me Loose" works surprisingly well. The vocal performance is particularly impressive.

I Can't Wait - 10/10

The Young Divas pillaging Stevie Nicks' back catalogue should be wrong in so many ways but "I Can't Wait" is a blistering work of pop brilliance. Stevie's original is one of my favourite songs. The inspired mix of guitars and synths was so far ahead of its time that a modern remake feels almost appropriate. I'm not sure what Stevie would make of this version but I love it. "I Can't Wait" works remarkably well as a dancefloor anthem and the surprisingly sleek production distinguishes the track from the rest of the album. Exquisite!

Jump (For My Love) - 9/10

Just when you think "New Attitude" couldn't possibly get any gayer, the divas ramp up the camp factor with a fabulous cover of The Pointer Sisters "Jump (For My Love)". It's hard to destroy pop as perfect as this but it is possible as Girls Aloud proved with their lifeless destruction of the track. Thankfully, the Young Divas show this classic the respect it deserves and serve up a glorious slice of trashy fun.

Love Will Lead You Back - 8/10

I still can't believe that the girls cover Taylor Dayne twice on the one album. That fact alone should be enough to convince most gays to buy "New Attitude". The first Taylor Dayne interpretation is "Love Will Lead You Back". As the only ballad on an album of upbeat dance anthems, "Love Will Lead You Back" makes a welcome change of pace and allows the girls to show off their big voices. Taylor would be proud.

Chain Reaction - 10/10

After a short romantic breather, the divas return to their bread and butter. A camp as tits cover of a gay classic. This time around the lovely ladies give Diana's "Chain Reaction" a makeover and deliver one of the album's highlights. After hearing Steps' abysmal cover I always thought "Chain Reaction" was one of those songs that shouldn't be fucked with. I'm happy that the divas have proved me wrong. Absolutely epic.

New Attitude - 10/10

The title track is a delicious cover of my favourite Patti LaBelle song. "New Attitude" was fierce in 1985 and the song is still a knockout more than 20 years later due to some snappy production and inspired vocal performances by all four divas. I hope this irresistible call to the dancefloor is considered for a single release at some stage.

I'm So Excited - 8/10

Few songs recall the 80s quite like The Pointer Sisters' "I'm So Excited". The original is one of my all time favourites and the Young Divas show the song the respect it deserves. However, I can't help but feel some of the original's magic has been lost in the manic production of the divafied version. Not as good as their version of "Jump" but still a treat.

Tell It To My Heart - 10/10

I have a feeling someone in the Young Divas camp is a massive fan of Kelly Llorenna. Firstly the ladies follow in Kelly's footsteps by covering "This Time I Know It's For Real" on their first album and now update another classic that has previously received the Llorenna treatment. Taylor Dayne's "Tell It To My Heart" obviously lends itself to trashy club queens with big voices and the Divas turn in a stunning performance that will have Kelly and Taylor scratching their weaves in astonishment. This is a blast of pure poptastic fun and hopefully a future single.

Dear Santa (Bring Me A Man This Christmas) - 10/10

The Young Divas meet The Weather Girls and campy brilliance ensues. The Weather Girls' "Dear Santa" is the gayest Christmas carol ever recorded and it somehow feels appropriate that the torch has been passed to the Young Divas. Fuck "Silent Night", "Dear Santa" will be pumping out my stereo this holiday season.

There's nothing new about the Young Divas' attitude on their second album. Considerably more money has been spent on the production and artwork (I LOVE the cover!) but the formula hasn't changed a bit. The songs are still all cover versions of much loved pop classics. Some might call the album artless. I call it smart - and fucking entertaining! "New Attitude" is released on November 26 and belongs in every poof's collection. Pre-order your copy from Chaos, Sanity or iTunes.

An Australian Icon And Four Fabulous Divas

All hail the return of a true Australian icon! Tina Arena has been snapped up by EMI and is planning to release new material in Australia for the first time since being dumped by Sony in 2004. I'm incredibly excited by this. Tina has been a favourite of mine since Young Talent Time and no other local diva comes close to matching her powerful pipes. The new album is titled "Songs Of Love And Loss" and appears to be a covers album of tracks by the likes of REM, Burt Bacharach, Carole King and Dusty Springfield. What's more, Tina is about to embark on a national tour with a 35 piece orchestra to celebrate her return. You can order your tickets from Ticketmaster. Wild sex with George Clooney couldn't keep me away!

In other happy news, my favourite girlband - Young Divas - are back with a fierce new track, "Turn Me Loose". The song is a cover of Loverboy's 80s classic and is another slice of pop trash heaven. The presence of an obese rent-a-rapper just makes the whole experience even more hilarious. Girls Aloud and the Sugababes wish they could be this fabulous. New member, Jessica Mauboy, fits in nicely and the song is a fantastic choice. The divas' sexy stylist Gary Leeson has been working overtime. The ladies all look amazing. Paulini's "sex hair" weave is the hottest thing I've seen in ages. I just hope Team Sony open their wallets and commission some decent remixes this time around. "Turn Me Loose" is released on the 19th of November and can be pre-ordered here. Welcome back, girls! Make sure you check out the Divas' amazing performance of the song on last night's Australian Idol.