Orianthi - According To You

"According To You" has been unavoidable on Australian radio for the past month and is currently sitting pretty in the national top 20. My copy of the single finally arrived today, which inspired me to write about Orianthi's amazing ode to bad boyfriends. Chalk this up as another fine example of a local act - see Vanessa Amorosi - jumping on board Katy Perry's pop-rock bandwagon with great success. That might be a little unfair given the diva's rock chick credentials (she was Michael Jackson's lead guitarist on the ill fated "This Is It" tour, jammed with Santana as a teenager and has a guitar solo on Adam Lambert's forthcoming album) but there's no denying that Orianthi has undergone a radical overhaul since 2005's "Violet Journey". Not that it matters. The move towards a more commercial sound was long overdue and "According To You" proves that she definitely has what it takes to mix it with Katy, Avril and Pink. For me, this song is all about the lyrics. I think everyone has felt the same anger and confusion at one time or another. Most of all, I love how Orianthi sums up the universal truth that one man's trash is another man's treasure - a thought I find strangely comforting, particularly when it's expressed via the year's catchiest chorus. And don't even get me started on the ridiculously fabulous guitar solo. It's like Lita Ford never left us! I definitely recommend tracking down the physical single because the B-side ("Find It") is great and doesn't appear on Orianthi's excellent album. While you wait for your copy to arrive, check out the video. I'm not sure about the epilepsy inducing camera work but I seriously want to steal her sequined guitar!

La Toya's Video Tribute To Michael

I know I'm drowning you all in Toy this week but given that she only releases new material once every second decade, I hope you'll forgive me. The latest milestone in La Toya's stunning comeback is a moving video tribute (above) to Michael. The Pope of Pop talks about keeping her brother's dream alive and promotes one of his favourite AIDS charities - by plugging her latest single! It's all very sweet. There's a strange innocence about La Toya that reminds me of Michael. I don't think it enters her pretty little head that some people might find her actions slightly tasteless. I honestly believe she's just trying to be a good sister and this is the only way she knows how. By the way, how completely fucking amazing does our Goddess look? Toy Toy has always been a vision of heavenly beauty but she looks absolutely breathtaking here. I swear she looks half Janet's age - and weight. I love the new hair and I think she's had some of her nose reinstated. Either that or they filmed this through a lens with enough Vaseline to lube up Cheryl Cole's prolapsed arsehole.

A Toymentous Occasion!

Today is a toytastic moment in the history of pop music. Mark the 28th of July down in your diary as the day the (highly disputed) Queen of Pop released her first single in over a decade. Yes, bitches - the legendary La Toya Jackson is back! I've been waiting for this moment ever since Toy Toy first announced that she was startin' over way back in 2002 and now after a decade of false starts, she's finally ready to throw it down and put the haters in check. It's just a shame that it took such sad circumstances for the High Priestess of Pop to reclaim her throne. With any luck, the overwhelmingly positive response to "Home" will inspire Toy to get her big back door into the studio to record new tracks. That is after she hunts down Michael's killer and forces Debbie Rowe to get correct. In the meantime, I've put together a special one off mid-week Pop Panel to celebrate the release of "Home". Today's completely unbiased judges are:

Bomitoni (US) writer of Milk Carton Pop Stars
Chicago Sexbox (US) writer of Chicago Sexbox
Jamie (UK) writer of Tat Parade
Jay (UK) writer of Postcards From Puerto Rico
Mike (AUS) author of this classy blog
Tommie (Sweden) writer of Donna Martin Graduates

Here's what this fabulous group of high brow music scholars had to say about Toy Toy's heartbreaking tribute to Michael Jackson.

Bomitoni: Toy has touched many with her music over the years. This previously unreleased gem is a true testament to what Toy truly is, a music force to be reckoned with. What a lovely tribute to Michael Jackson! 5/5

Chicago Sexbox: Somewhere up above Michael Jackson is smiling down from a celestial Neverland as he is greeted by the sounds of La Toya Jackson's power ballad and soon to be epic anthem for Michael Jackson fans everywhere, "Home". Michael's closest and most talented sister releases this gem from her vault to not only honor her brother and the childhood home they shared growing up but to donate all proceeds to Michael's favorite AIDS charity. While Janet is probably already corrupting poor Michael's children with her collection of S&M anal porn, La Toya appeases the King of Pop's spirit much like she has done with her fans with her previous musical ventures. For those of you who didn't believe roll up your sleeves......cuz La Toya is throwing down with her new spiritual and uplifting sound! 5/5

Jamie: For many years the thinking man's Jackson has tantalised us with pop gems like 2003's Billboard Dance/Club Chart smash "Just Wanna Dance", "Free The World", and her ghetto throwdown to pimps and dealers across the globe - the seminal "I Don't Play That". On her latest opus La Toya gives us a glimpse of the good old days of growing up in the Jackson family home surrounded by the only people she ever really knew. It's just lovely, syrupy, over the top, and melancholy all at the same time. What a poignant and fitting time to release this fan favourite which serves as a perfect tribute to Michael, the King of Pop - 5/5!

Jay: The Pope Of Pop returns to bless us all with a heavenly anthem and a touching tribute to her recently departed brother. What makes this even more touching is Queen Toy showing her forgiveness for him once again sabotaging her career as him dropping his clogs has ensured the much anticipated "Startin' Over" has been delayed indefinitely... just like he ruined "Night Time Lover" and stole "Thriller"! Though I still think a re-issue of "Free The World" would have been far more fabulous. 5/5

Mike: Music fans are used to Jackson sisters being pudgy frumps like Janet and Rebbie. La Toya's curse has always been her exquisite looks and unrivalled sex appeal but hopefully the tragedy of Michael's death will allow people to look past her divine body and finally embrace the powerhouse vocals that have driven Toy Soldiers wild for three decades. "Home" truly is a toyriffic tune. The production is epic, the lyrics are tender and Toy Toy turns it out vocally. A work of genius. 5/5

Tommie: A true triumph in good taste and artistry! Anyone who disagrees has clearly listened to Janet's pussy ballads for too long and shouldn't be taken seriously. 5/5

Total: 30/30

That's highest score in Pop Panel history! I always knew Toy Toy had it in her. "Home" is now available from US and UK iTunes. Please do the poor bitch a favour and download it! The rest of us can bask in the glory of Toy's stunning "Home" by watching the video (below).

Michael Jackson - A Tribute

Michael Jackson was the Peter Pan of pop, the man who refused to grow old. It seems completely unfair that something as unremarkable as a heart attack should put an end to a magnificent career that survived scandal after scandal relatively intact. Unlike the majority of increasingly macabre media reports currently flooding the internet, I refuse to focus on the tragic side of Michael's life. The King of Pop clearly had his demons but he achieved more by the time he was 10 than most of us will accomplish in a lifetime. Instead, I'd like to pay tribute to an amazing artist by writing about my brief stint as one of his many devoted disciples. My love for Michael's music might have waned over the years but he never lost my admiration.

In the mid-80s my family finally got around to buying a VCR and one of the first videos we owned was "Thriller". I have no idea who chose it but I'm guessing it was my older sister. The clip was frightening stuff for a 5 year old and I had nightmares for a week. However, as I got older, it became one of my favourites and I watched that battered VHS compulsively. "Thriller" got me hooked on Michael and by the time "Bad" was released in 1987, I was already a loyal fan. More than twenty years have passed but I still remember purchasing the cassette with my pocket money and literally playing it until the tape broke. I listened to the album today and it isn't quite the masterpiece I remember. While "Bad" doesn't match the brilliance of "Off The Wall" or "Thriller", it's so intricately connected with my childhood memories that I find it hard to be objective. There's a bit of filler but time has been very kind to "Man In The Mirror", "Smooth Criminal" and "The Way You Make Me Feel".

I discovered Stock Aitken Waterman in the late 80s and my musical taste evolved radically (many would say in the wrong direction). By the time "Dangerous" was released in 1991, I had already lost interest in Michael. That's not to say I gave up on him entirely. Once you've caught the Havenhurst bug, there's no going back. Instead, I increasingly focused my attention on his fabulous siblings. My undying love for La Toya is pretty well known but I keep my admiration for Rebbie, Jackie, Jermaine, Marlon and Randy on the downlow. I'm starting to ramble now but I just don't know how to end this post without sounding completely trite or overly dramatic. I guess I just want to thank Michael for being the soundtrack to so many happy childhood memories. My deepest condolences to his family and army of faithful fans.

The Week In Pop!

It's time for another rundown of recent events in the Aussie pop world. By far the biggest revelation of the past week (if not the past century) is news that Melissa Tkautz is kicking off her 37th comeback with a new single to be released on the 10th of March! I mentioned the rumours regarding Mel's comeback in my recent Cherry post and for a change, the whispers turned out to be correct. Melissa's comeback single is indeed a cover of Transvision Vamp's "I Want Your Love"! The sure to be amazing anthem is credited to Nick Skitz featuring the sublime Ms Tkautz, which is a rather clever way of marketing this fabulous diva to the club scene. Pre-order your copy here. "I Want Your Love" is going to be a hit if I have to steal several hundred copies from JB Hi-Fi myself!

Melissa Tkautz isn't the only pop icon embarking on an impressive comeback. Michael Jackson's 25th Anniversary edition of "Thriller" was released in Australia yesterday. I've expressed my reservations about "Thriller 25" in the past but the final product is surprisingly good. Expect a full review soon. The album's first single, "Wanna Be Startin' Somethin' 2008", climbs to #8 on the singles chart - giving Michael his first top ten hit in Australia since "You Rock My World" debuted at #4 in 2001. In another interesting development, the original "Thriller" re-enters the album chart this week at #44. Could we be on the brink of another breakout of Jackson mania? La Toya needs to gets her shit together ASAP!

Speaking of fabulous plastic surgery addicts, Fergie has another smash hit on her hands as the 6th single from "The Dutchess" storms into the Australian top 30. I can't get enough of "Here I Come". It's another so horrible it's genius effort that somehow manages to work a reference to Fergie's humps into a butchered Motown classic. As far as I'm concerned this amazing diva can do no wrong! I just wish they would hurry up and release the physical single. Other American divas releasing new material in Australia include Mandy Moore and Jordin Sparks. Mandy Moore's lovely 2007 album "Wild Hope" has been picked up by a local distributor to coincide with her upcoming tour with Kelly Clarkson. "Wild Hope" is released on the 25th of February and can be pre-ordered here. Speaking of Kelly, it's bad enough that heffer releases her rubbish in Australia but what have we done to deserve her dreary American Idol alumni Jordin Sparks? "Tattoo" is the worst single I've heard from the entire AI franchise - and that includes William Hung's offerings! Sadomasochists can buy Jordin's snoozefest from the 10th of March.

From American Idol to Australian Idol, The Sunday Telegraph reports that Carl Riseley (above) has been signed to Universal Australia. Carl is basically a Michael Buble tribute act but still managed to place 3rd in the most recent season of Australian Idol. His album is said to contain swing covers of "We've Only Just Begun" and "The Letter". I think I'll pass. In more depressing news, the article also reveals that Dulta's fiance, Brian McFadden, has also signed a local deal. I guess Dulta really was the kiss of death for his UK career. Speaking of the dull one, "You Will Only Break My Heart" has been announced as the third single from her shiteous album.

A vastly more appealing local diva is Vanessa Amorosi. I really wanted to like her comeback single, "Kiss Your Mama", but I just couldn't get into it. The second single "Perfect", however, looks rather more like my cup of tea if Vanessa's new look (above) is any indication! Someone who knows all about (slightly more flattering) makeovers is Kylie. Rob expertly recaps the latest Minogue developments on Don't Stop The Pop. I agree with everything except the criticism of Kylie's venture into the world of bed linen. Am I the only one who doesn't give a fuck what she does outside of music? Kylie can flog Vagasil and dental dams for all I care! If she's having fun and making money, good luck to her. However, I totally share Rob's excitement for "All I See" being considered for release in Canada. It's still my favourite track from "X". Meanwhile, the current Australian single will be released on Saturday. Pre-order your copy of "Wow" here and check out the fabulous film clip. The behind the scenes footage (below) gave me a whole new appreciation for time, effort and fabulousness involved in making the video.

Duet Of The Decade - Beat It

Twenty five years ago Michael Jackson released his second album for Epic Records and promptly revolutionised popular music. "Thriller" spent 37 weeks at #1 in the US, spawned 7 top ten hits, earned 8 Grammy awards and sold more than 100 million copies, becoming the highest selling album of all time. In order to commemorate (ie. cash in on) the anniversary of "Thriller", Michael has re-recorded the album with the who's who of urban music including such luminaries as Akon, Kanye West, will.i.am and the holy queen of American pop - Fergie!

As a massive fan of "Thriller", news of the album's ghetto makeover didn't exactly fill me with joy. Songs of this quality don't need polluting by the likes of Cunt-ye West but if that's what it takes for Michael to revive his career, so be it. The recently leaked tracks from "Thriller 25" haven't done much to allay my fears but the album promises at least one gem - Michael's stunning duet with Fergie! The unlikely duo have collaborated on a fabulous update of "Beat It". Once you get past the dawning realisation that Fergie is now part of the "Thriller" legacy, the new "Beat It" is pretty hard to resist. Staying closer to the original than most of the revised tracks, "Beat It" boasts a slightly rocky edge and a memorable vocal from old meth head. I really hope this is a single. "Beat It" still sounds unbelievably fresh and Fergie's presence should ensure a high chart placing. Just imagine the film clip - Michael groping Fergie's lovely lady humps with his discoloured, band-aid covered hands! HOT. Expect to read a lot more about "Thriller 25" as well as an upcoming retrospective on the original album and its amazing singles.