Shena's Latest Disco Triumph!

The video for the third single from Shena's soon to be released debut album has just hit the internet and it's every bit as brilliant as we've come to expect from the Queen of nu-disco! I thought the fabulousness of "Can't Stop The Rain" and "My Fantasy" would be impossible to top but "Nasty Little Rumour" manages to raise the bar even further. Shena's latest anthem is another incredibly authentic three minute trip to disco heaven but this time around the song incorporates some contemporary elements that extend its appeal far beyond the realm of disco enthusiasts. "Nasty Little Rumour" is the kind of instantly catchy retro kitsch that Girls Aloud or the Sugababes would kill for. Maybe Shena should go into hiding because I wouldn't put anything past Cheryl Cole! Anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say is that unlike the previous singles, I can easily imagine this on commercial radio. "Nasty Little Rumour" is a perfect summer jam with its big, beautiful chorus and infectious beats.

Shena has also delivered another amazing video. There is so much fierceness on display in this clip that it could blind non-gays and less than fabulous females. I just love everything about it. The styling is brilliant - Shena and her backing dancers (I'm pretty sure they are Shena's smoking hot sisters) look phenomenal and I love all the 70s influences. The scene in the hairdressing salon and restaurant are too camp for words and it seems appropriate that the grand finale take place in a nightclub that looks strangely familiar. I think I burned up that East London dancefloor when I was in UK! "Nasty Little Rumour" brings some much needed fun and glamour back into the increasingly dull and pretentious pop scene. I really hope things click for Shena this time because she's too fabulous to remain an underground pop sensation! Her debut album "One Man Woman" is released on the 31st of August, pre-order your copy now.

Pop Panel - Week 13

Sorry that I'm so late with this week's Pop Panel. I intended to post it on Sunday but my computer crashed and I had to go to hospital on Monday. Anyway, I'm back home now and can re-focus on more fabulous things like trashy girlbands and perhaps the most heinous cover version of all time. I have to admit that I'm a bit disappointed with this week's outcome. I like the winner but the 4th and 5th place getter's are more my cup of vodka. What's the world coming to when a D-List Dutch diva with a song about acting like a bitch when she's pissed (accompanied by a stunning video clip that looks like it has been filmed on a mobile phone - no less!) isn't getting perfect scores on Pop Trash Addicts? I'm outraged! Helping determine this week's dubious winner are:

D'Luv (US) writer of Chart Rigger
Mike (Aus) author of this classy blog.
Paul (UK) writer of Fizzy Pop
Rob (UK) writer of Don't Stop The Pop
The Prophet (AUS) writer of The Prophet

Pablo is taking a break to enjoy some Spanish cock, so I've roped in the services of these hot bitches:

Diva Incarnate (Scotland) writer of Diva Incarnate
Jamie (UK) writer of Tat Parade
Tony (Spain) writer of Tornado

I'm really excited to have these high brow music critics on board. The Diva's ability to blog under the influence of (what I assume to be) hard drugs continues to stun and amaze me, while Jamie and Tony are close personal friends. Jamie is probably best known for founding the Church of La Toya but his blog is a hugely underrated delight. The toytastic banner is in his honour. Tony, on the other hand, is a notorious Spanish blogger, exhibitionist and DJ - and played host to me while I was in Madrid. How I miss Casa Tornado!

Here are the results ranked as usual from lowest to highest.

Village Boys – Better The Devil You Know (Video)

Germany's gay boyband interpret Kylie's signature tune.

Diva Incarnate: "I can't ask for more, I'll cum if u shud call" is probably a line from one of their gaydar profiles. Is the black gay miming to a Millie Jackson ghost vocal? It's too feminine to say. 0/5
D'Luv: Big Fun really aren't aging too well, are they? 0.5/5
Jamie: Where did this tragic bunch of tuneless over the hill queens come from? The backing track is pure Klone Records, and the vocals, sweet Jesus, did they record them on the dancefloor of some lowdown leather club! Whoever funded this was obviously high. Hopefully someone from Al kylieda will make a mash up of this with Kylie's vocals. Now that would be something special, this however is beyond the pale. 1/5
Mike: I started this blog to worship trash like The Village Boys but these gays break my one and only rule - DON'T FUCK WITH KYLIE. 0/5
Paul: Blimey, outrivalling Bearforce 1 in the stereotype stakes, this is possibly the worst cover of BTDYK (THE best Kylie song ever) I've ever heard. It's all wrong - the voice, the half hearted dancing, the infernal backing track stripping out the melody - at least Steps version was pretty true to the original. Bring back the devil horns!! 0.5/5
Rob: Okay, if your going to do a cover of this specific song you have to change it somewhat. You can't do a straight copy. Ahem. You have to either pump it up with steroids or botox it with beautiful strings. Kylie always morphs the song when on tour. Again, I'm being harsh but I think its unoriginality gets in the way. 0/5
The Prophet: Is this a parody? I can't tell if it's for real or not. This is a hot motherfuckin' mess, but at least it's better than Kylie's shrill nasal whining so it gets half a point for that. 0.5/5
Tony: Too gay. Even for me. Could be a hit at the Spanish Coast, maybe Torremolinos. The good thing is that you know your tune is a classic when they do a cover of it. Ask Mylène Farmer and Kate Ryan. Kylie should be proud. Or not, because they're not even cute. 0/5
Total: 2.5/40

Blue Juice – Broken Legs (Video)

This local band has scored an unexpected commercial breakthrough with their skipping anthem! Please note - the song doesn't actually start until around the three minute mark.

Diva Incarnate: I am not even interested enough to look for 'bounce' inside their jogging pants in the video - it's a 'no' from me. 0/5
D'Luv: I'd need a lot of booze for this one. 1/5
Jamie: I'm not hating on it, but I would never listen to this in a month of moons. 2/5
Mike: I love this. Blue Juice bring back 80s pub rock with a poptastic modern twist. "Broken Leg" perks me up every time it comes on the radio. 4/5
Paul: Eep. Hate the name of the group. Not too keen on the song either. I think this must be one of those love it or hate it type malarkies and I ain't overly keen. Listen to it without watching the skippity skip video and it ain't entertaining at all. Booooo. A poor effort. 1/5
Rob: Finally, something fabulous. I shaved off points though for the awful introduction. Boring and not as funny as they think it is. I love it though. 2.5/5
The Prophet: Borrrrrrrrrrring. NEXT! 0/5
Tony: Mike, are you kidding me? Is it a parody or for real? I've got a broken leg myself and I don't feel compelled to do stupid videos on Youtube. 0/5
Total: 10.5/40

Kelly Clarkson – Already Gone (Video)

the third single from Kelly's latest album.

Diva Incarnate: Like skidmarks that will not flush, KFC (Kelly Fucking Clarkson) blames it all on Beyonce - she's the new Solange. Is she singing about her stretchmarks? 2/5
D'Luv: Let me know when Kelly does a full album with Max Martin. 1.5/5
Jamie: Poor Kelly Clarkson, she should appeal to me as a sort of plain Jane underdog type in a sea of plastic Disney Channel faux rock chicks, but she is so boring, and fuck me this is s bad as anything she's done! I wish she was already gone, how tiresome. 1.5/5
Mike: It's not Kelly's fault that Ryan Tedder recycles songs like most people recycle garbage but this unfortunate incident just proves how much better Beyonce's version is in every single way. "Halo" is one of 2009's best tracks, this is just abysmal. 1/5
Paul: All the kerfuffle over "Halo" vs "Already Gone" is quite boring to me. Ryan Tedder is hardly the most innovative of writers - he channels the same sound into all his songs, so why people bitch and moan about it after the fact is beyond me. It's quite a nice song in it's own right. 3/5
Rob: Ah the dangerous pitfalls of working with hot producers. For sure, it'll sound like something else. The video is nice but this is incredibly unoriginal. Even the Beyonce original was tedious. Kelly's voice is less grating though than the 'original' singer. However, despite its greatness as a singular song what kind of fool does she take us for (we've heard all that before). 0/5
The Prophet: Amazing. I hate Kelly's new album but this is one of the standout tracks and she sings the song with a lot of emotion and feeling, probably because she wrote it. 5/5
Tony: I simply can't stand her. Show me the remixes. Could be great with an uplifting Freemasons remix. boooring. 1/5
Total: 15/40

EliZe – I Can Be A Bitch (Below)

This classy jam is the 4th single from EliZe's sophomore album.

Diva Incarnate: Addictively contrived, Elize's charming lyrics put Lisa Scott-Lee to shame, and not since Jenny Frost's almost mythical "Don't Fuck With Me" has a singer sounded so engagingly pleased with herself adding insult to injury on a ropey dance track. Her rich and powerful purr becomes more and more memorable with every accompanying beat. 4/5
D'Luv: I can be a bitch, too, baby. For instance, check out this score: 0/5
Jamie: I love the economical video! Is she saying: "you're out of luck; you should've given me a fuck tonight?" – That's what I'm hearing!! Anyway, this one ticks all the tragic boxes for me. It's grim, but I can't help myself, it's so damn trash-tastic! I’ll have to track down some more of EliZe’s efforts after hearing this bouncy gem. 4/5
Mike: EliZe is my goddess! How dare this not be the single of the week! With stunning lyrics like "You're out of luck, that's right - shouldn't have met me on vodka night!", this should have raked in perfect scores across the board! The haters on this Panel wouldn't know good music if it fisted them! 5/5
Paul: Oh how fun, how kooky, how daring that she says bitch. Oh how sarcastic I'm being. Another song without many redeeming features. At least have the courage of your convictions - Meredith Brook WAS a bitch, not just occasionally. Do like the cat meow thing at the end of the first chorus though. 1/5
Rob: Wow, Rachel Stevens is back! I love this but what is it with this weeks entries? Only two (Broken Leg & No Angels) sound absolutely original. EliZe sounds fabulous to be sure. But I feel like I've totally heard this all before. 1/5
The Prophet: I should like this for it's trash factor but for some reason it's just not happening. 1/5
Tony: Is this Schlager music? Kind of catchy though... I can be a better bitch than her, believe me. 3/5
Total: 19/40

Eva Simons – Silly Boy (Video)

Eva the Dutch diva scored a record 4 million hits on youtube when the audio leaked and was mistaken for Rihanna.

Diva Incarnate: Deliberately muscling into Lady Gaga's territory, this is like a raucous Atari riot shoot 'em up, shaded with chugging guitars and goes flat out using spat out flustered vocals. 4.5/5
D'Luv: "Hey, I have an idea—I'm gonna rip off Rihanna's hair and sound, and then totally cop La Roux's video for 'In For The Kill.' It'll surely work for me, too, right?" 0/5
Jamie: Well somebody thinks they're Rihanna, is this cheap knock-off week or something? I like the car in the video but that distraction aside - the chorus on this is sadly lacking and that's what these kind of songs really rely on. I'm not really keen on it, there's not much else to say except that Eva should get her own act because this is lame. 2/5
Mike: Eva has booked herself a spot in the swagga jackin' Hall of Fame with this effort. Hair by Elly Jackson, outfit courtesy of Lady GaGa and a song that was probably stolen from Rihanna while she was getting bashed by Chris Brown. The thing is - I couldn't give a fuck. "Silly Boy" is a stunning anthem that actually stands toe to toe with the aforementioned pop heavyweights which is an amazing achievement for an unknown Dutch diva. Eva has plenty of time to carve out her own niche. In the meantime this gem has serious international potential. 5/5
Paul: It's weird that I kind of like the sound that apparently is ripping off Lady Gaga (Cascada, now Eva) but don't actually like the Cuckoo'd one herself. I do think this is rather funky and enjoyable. And I think it will sound quite good played loud at my local pub so I will give it a 4/5.
Rob: Sigh. This is both amazing and utterly lame. Amazing because the girl who used to be in the Dutch version of Girls Aloud (Raffish) has given us a stunning video, look and bewildering song. On that reason alone I might have given its full marks. It is indeed one of the strongest entries to Pop Panel. But of course everything about this reeks unoriginality. Eva & her creative team are somewhat like the kid in the exams who is sat next to an A star student and copies all the answers. I don't even have to mention the other female acts Eva has copied as its so blatant. I seriously wanted to adore this. But its obvious plagiarism gets in the way. I'm being incredibly harsh here but I think its deserved. 0/5
The Prophet: Can people PLEASE stop ripping off Lady GaGa and RedOne! I beg of you! This song and video is absolute garbage and it's probably one of my least liked songs of the year. 1/5
Tony: The La Roux hairstyle seems to be in fashion these days. And the Rihanna dance as well... Is her dress made with straws? Love it! 3/5
Total: 19.5/40

Nikki 16 – Come And Get Me (Video)

America's trashiest new girlband unleash their debut single.

Diva Incarnate: Bulging with neo-camp single entendres, they still feel the need to spell out lyrics such as 'he's got something heavy on his mind' by smugly interjecting 'like me' as if there could be any doubt. Their horrifically inflated self-worth, with shuddering momentum and soldered vocals, somehow fails to hit any erogenous zones but the overall discharge has a slick and infectious consistency. 3.5/5
D'Luv: Slutty! This sounds like the type of garbage I'd love if I were 15 and hanging out at the rollerskating rink. That gets it a: 4/5
Jamie: They look a little bit like a 21st Century Vanity 6 without any of the funk or fabulousness that a sassy R&B all-girl trio needs. This is so bland, I doubt even Brooke Hogan would bother herself with it. This isn't doing a thing for me. 1/5
Mike: I love these trashy sluts. I just wish their song was a bit stronger. I love the old school R'n'B overtones and any group that pays homage to Vanity 6 is fine by me. Hopefully the follow up is edgier. 3/5
Paul: Ok first off that "yo this is Nikki 16" awfulness at the start has got to go. So has the tired old boob 2 vadge rub that all girl groups do in the videos nowadays to try and be sexual. It doesn't work. The song is really boring too - it really doesn't stand out. Even Girls Can't Sing's catchy little number is much better than this. 1/5
Rob: This is slightly out of date. But that doesn't make it bad. Sounds a lot like a Brandy (Full Moon) reject. I like it. Its not a single but a very strong album track. 2/5
The Prophet: Vanity/Apollonia/Mary Jane Girls 2009 here we come! 5/5
Tony: 3 instead of 7? Here comes the American Sugababes! And microphones are so 2000 and late... 1/5
Total: 20.5/40

No Angels - One Life (Video)

The latest single from Germany's most succesful girlband.

Diva Incarnate: These girls can't quite crank up the skank like Nikki 16; instead they give a decent performance, with raining sun-reflecting synths and stodgy nose-blocked vocals spread on top, but the comedy rap is far too vanilla to make anything twitch down south. 3.5/5
D'Luv: Seems promising until the chorus, which is a drag. Maybe Sugababes shoulda done this song, instead? Extra point for the decent vid. 2.5/5
Jamie: This one is okay, I think the verses are reasonable, and the first part of the chorus is a bit weak, but when they get going, on what I'm going to call the second part of the chorus, it really works! It's a patchy effort but I like it and I would probably listen to it again, maybe the track will gel after a few spins. These girls could do worse than try the UK with this one. 3.5/5
Mike: All of these girls have perfect faces for radio, which is one of the many reasons they haven't really made it outside Germany. However, this is probably their catchiest song since "Daylight In My Eyes". I hate the spoken interlude though. 3.5/5
Paul: Quite nice. I've always sort of ignored them but I wouldn't turn this off if it came on the radio (though I never listen to radio, so that's a stupid statement). I'm not exactly sure why they are dressed as sperm at the start of the vid, and I sort of expected this massive banging chorus to come in and I got stuck with that damp. Oh well. 2.5/5
Rob: Finally, something absolutely original. Hey, they're in pop and their doing electro synth pop without jumping on the Lady GaGa/RedOne bandwagon. The video is great too. Everything about One Life is amazing. I like it because its not affraid to push the boundaries. Its prepared to do electro pop and break away from the well trodden Lady GaGa approach. This ups the ante. While Eva copies, this totally updates the genre. Who'd have thought it? No Angels never really release music that is totally groundbreaking. They always play it safe. Not this time. Good girls. 5/5
The Prophet: Yes another reason why Germans make my stomach turn (sorry Mike xox). 0/5
Tony: I just love them! And the song is perfect to dance at the beach. At the beginning of the video, they look like spermatozoids. 4/5
Total: 24.5/40

SINGLE OF THE WEEK

Sugababes – Get Sexy (Below)

The 'Babes get a RedOne-esque makeover for their latest single.

Diva Incarnate: Vile trash! Cum-sharing vocals dribble with proud desperation, but a chaffing still-born chorus leaves a stubborn rash like the one on Heidi's thighs. Amelle snarls 'I'm so sexy it hurts' whilst presumably rubbing KY into her herpes. It's like they think getting gangbanged in a club is showing Mutya what she's missing. 2.5/5
D'Luv: I gotta give the 'babes props for always trying something different. It's not the most immediately-catchy offering from them, but it could turn out to be a grower. 3.5/5
Jamie: When I first heard "Get Sexy" last week, I had no idea it was by these three tramps. Occasionally the Sugababes release a track worth listening too and this is one of those rare occasions. I really like this shamelessly derivative trash! It's so much better if you don't watch the video. I can't stand their faces! I can totally imagine every tragic gay bar from London to West Hollywood hammering this one over the coming months. 4/5
Mike: This is the most skanktastic the Sugababes have looked and sounded since the holy goddess of realness Mutya departed the group. For that alone I'm giving it 4/5.
Paul: I'm not sure why this is considered such a makeover or radical new direction for the sugababes - remember when they came back with the ace "Freak Like Me" after the sound of "Overload"?! Yes, I'd love more songs like "About You Now", "Push The Button" and "Every Heart Broken" but this has really grown on me. Now shut up and watch me walk! 4/5
Rob: Awful. The remixes are properly amazing though. 0/5
The Prophet: How the mighty have fallen. Bring back Mutya ASAP! 2.5/5
Tony: Definitely, one of the songs of this summer. I love the "Right Said Fred" part! These are the 'Babes we love, the slutty ones! But the video is quite low cost, even Kylie could do it better. When dj-ing, I love mixing this song with Calvin Harris' "I'm not alone". 5/5
Total: 25.5/35

Sexy Times With Jonah

Jonah is all over the blogs at the moment - and with good reason. The openly gay Swede is a much needed breath of fresh air. Unlike the other cookie cutter pop stars being churned out of Scandinavia, Jonah hasn't had a personality bypass. He's often loud, sometimes bitchy and always staggeringly honest. Oh and did I mention that he can sing? Jonah has big plans for the second half of 2009. There's a highly anticipated man-on-man duet on the way as well as new solo material and a tour. Unfortunately, the duet is still tightly under wraps, so I couldn't really get the dirt on that. To make matters worse, Rob and Peibols had already asked all there is to know about his career and new music in fabulous interviews on Don't Stop The Pop and Ambiente G respectively. So what's a self-respecting gay to do when he has an international sex symbol all to himself and nothing new and interesting to ask? Talk dirty, of course! This interview won't win me any journalism awards but it's definitely one of my favourites. Keep an eye out for Jonah. I'm sure you'll be seeing a lot more of him on these pages before the year is out.

Hi Jonah, welcome to Pop Trash! I'm told your latest single is a duet with another man. Can you tell us who your singing partner is? Are you guys singing to each other or is it a non-sexual man on man duet?
It's still a secret who will join me on the duet. The song is an up-lifting dance anthem that makes you want to dance, party and get high on love. And of course it's about fear, which makes it a gay anthem as well since all gay men including my self, constantly walk around with some kind of emotional disorder making us fear everything that could be good in life. Hahaha!

When and where is your stunning anthem going to be released? Is there a nude video to accompany it?
In the beginning of this autumn. There will not be an nude video for this one but beware - my other new release "Welcome To My World" we have got very dirty plans considering the visuals!

As one of the few openly gay pop stars, do you feel it's harder to break through into the mainstream? Has it adversely affected your career?
Sure, probably it has "behind the scenes", but not so much that I know of... But there have been contracts - and we're talking big ones here - that I refused to sign because it includes paragraphs that don't let me "be gay". I'm sorry but that totally doesn't work for me. If I'm gonna go out and bang a girl, I would rather it be because I'm desperate and out of sexy guys to fuck than because it's in my contract!

What do you think about gay pop stars like Will Young who sing about girls? Is it a necessary evil or a cop out?
Well, everybody can do exactly what they want to.. but.. ahhh.. I dunno.. It just sounds weird to me. I mean I'm a great actor and an extraordinaire performer. Give me a role and I act it. Give me a scene and I'll play it. But when it comes to being myself, giving my audience a part of my heart I want it to be pure.

I'm going to get in trouble for saying this but Swedish pop music generally turns me off because the singers come across as soulless robots. What's your opinion of the Swedish pop scene? Who are you favourite artists?
I totally agree on one point. So much sounds the same and the productions are so good that it becomes totally soulless and empty. We have great voices in Sweden and fabulous producers. But not so many great performers. I mean, where's our Robbie? Our Kylie?! I'm so happy for Agnes right now, starting to make it big. I think she'll grow with that. She has the voice and the looks and the right people around her. Now it's only time for her to get the rest. Hmm otherwise... Swedish artists that have gone international... I'm getting bored with Robyn at the moment but at the same time I think she's probably our most talented pop export. I love Adrian Lux right now. Have you seen his latest video?

That clip is AMAZING! Now let's get controversial. Is Carola Häggkvist a homophobic cunt?
Hahahha Why?! Because she finds homosexuals weird!? Well then I'm an even bigger homophobic cunt! No, to be honest. She's absolutely not homophobic but - let me put it this way - she's not so smart either. I could talk about Carola for hours so don't get me started!

Now this shit is GAY!

I loved your cover of "I Am What I Am" (above). It's closely associated with a number of big gay icons. Which tragic gay divas do you admire?
Oh that oldie was my first single in Sweden. It was the official song of Stockholm Pride that year and I still love the song in a strange way. It's so ubergay. I mean not even BRUNO would have done it today! Anyhow, divas I admire: I cannot think of any right now, maybe... and even if I don't wanna let it out. Madonna is one of my big role models. Not always because of her music and definitely not when it comes to her shows anymore... but businesswise she's no 1. She's totally ruthless when it comes to getting fame and she has her mind on PR and Media like nobody else. From her first daring steps on the club scene in NYC until now...

Speaking of Bruno, have you seen the movie? If so, did you find it funny or offensive? I found it strangely romantic...
OMG. That move really stirred up emotions, huh? I'm totally fed up with all those political arrogant stupid activists trying to ruin every moment of fun in our lives. I mean if they want to make a difference please focus on something else then a stupid movie. I love it and I'm proud of it!

Oh let's play "Would You Hit It?" I'll name a celebrity and you have to say if you'd fuck him/her/it!

- Erik Hassle Hmmm NO!

- RuPaul Maybe. I have a weird hetero perspective on trannies and I think they are hot in a strange kinda way. When I go out I love being surrounded by drag queens.

- Seth Rogen BORING!

- La Toya No way! (rude!)

- Jose Galisteo Yes, please. I already have plans for him!

This was fun!!! Give me more names!

I'll send you over some more names later! By the way, my Swedish friend Tommie has been high and dry for months. He's a bit unbalanced but he puts out for Vodka. Can I hook you guys up?
Hmmm if he is Swedish his chances are minimal. I probably already done everyone worth doing in Sweden. Those 5 or six guys and a tranny, I mean! Hahaha.

I understand you've been single for years. What do you look for in guys? What turns you off?
This is probably the trickiest question so far. Years? I think it's decades. I don't think I'm able too FEEL at all anymore. But hey... let's not give up hope totally! I've changed my "type" in the last two years after spending so much of my time in Miami and Paris. Before I wanted the "Ken doll" type, like Ricky Martin and well polished dudes. Now I'm really into tattoos and muscles these days.

If I look at the guys that left me heartbroken they're all dark haired, really goodlooking ones, fit but not with too much muscles (I'll send you some pics Mike to see what you think *lol*). If I looked at the ones I left heartbroken they all look different, tough hahaha. And I'm not gonna say like Lady GaGa, even if that what everyone is expecting me to say, big cocks! I look for charisma. He's got to be down to earth, have a sense of humour, looks and most important: passionate guys with goals in life always turn me on. If he's a party guy or a home boy doesn't matter.

What turns me off? I need independent guys but with a huge heart. Guys without any ambitions and bad taste in clothes - GET OUT OF MY WAY!

Can you recommend any good porn?
You now what?! I never looked at porn until recently. Before January this year I wasn't interested at all but then I found Damien Crosse. Jesus! Porn has never been so great. I wanna marry him. Until then I'll keep myself happy with watching his movies!

You've spent most of last year travelling. What's your favourite city, who has the best gay scene and where are the best hookers?
NYC is my favorite city. And Paris. Bangkok has the funniest gay clubs. Miami is my second home so everything there is so familiar to me which makes it easy and to chill out there. There's not many things better than spending new year until end of February in Miami. I totally love it!
Barcelona has the best gay scene tough... over all. Best shopping is probably Milan and New York. For relaxing and meditation I'd go to Sicily or some of the islands outside Thailand. I've never been to Australia. Hmm, maybe we could arrange that?!

Well my door is always open! So, what's next for Jonah? Are we ever going to get an album?
Sure! Just be patient! First you'll get brand new singles. One will be the theme song for the album and the upcoming tour ("Welcome To My World") and the other one will be the duet.
The plan is to follow this with an EP during mid autumn. Album release in the end of 2009... kinda!

Thanks for the chat, can't wait to hear your new stuff!
Bye!

Body Language - A Retrospective

I still remember the first time I heard "Body Language". My blood ran cold and I'm pretty sure a part of me died inside. In all my years as a Kylie fan, I don't think I've ever been so disappointed - and that includes the time I fell into a boredom induced coma listening to her first Deconstruction album. In retrospect, my expectations were ridiculously high. At the time I honestly thought Kylie could do no wrong. After a decade of hard knocks, she had somehow kicked and scratched her way to the top of the pop pile with "Fever" - even Jesus was jealous of her career resurrection! Kylie had seemingly found the winning formula and I naively hoped "Body Language" would deliver more of the same. It didn't. I was ready for just about anything apart from the eclectic mix of mid-tempo electronic jams, 80s funk and bizarre American-centric pop tunes. "Body Language" was the anti-"Fever" in just about every respect and it took me a long time to get into. Strangely, it now holds a special place in my heart. It's not the masterpiece that some deluded fans proclaim it to be but Kylie's 9th studio album is a daring and complex pop opus that houses some highly underrated gems.

A large part of my initial negative reaction to "Body Language" stemmed from the fact that it seemed to be a nasty case of false advertising. The lead single put off a lot of fans but I've always thought that "Slow" was the natural progression from "Fever". That track is so sleek, sophisticated and cool - while still being quintessentially Kylie. I love the minimalism. It's unbelievably low key, yet deceptively insistent and catchy. Team that up with the gay porn video clip and you have one of Kylie's finest singles and an exciting new musical direction. However, someone at Kylie HQ had other ideas. The Alexis Strum penned "Still Standing" is more reflective of the album's tone. Many fans consider this something of a diamond in the rough but I feel like there's something missing - like a chorus! The lyrics are great and suit Kylie perfectly but this should have been a hands in the air dance anthem, not a quirky mid-tempo electro number that goes nowhere faster than Dannii's career. "Secret (Take You Home)" is more like it. Often dismissed as a cringeworthy attempt to break America, I prefer to think of this catchy trash as one of Kylie's most fabulous guilty pleasures. I love the Lisa Lisa & The Cult Jam sample, while the rap is sheer camp genius - buckle up baby feel my speed, take you from zero to sixty!

So much was made of Kurtis Mantronik's involvement in the album that I was expecting something seriously brilliant. Instead, we got the stillborn "Promises" - a track that bores me as much today as it did 6 years ago. I will never understand why the gays on Say Hey were campaigning to get this released as a single, hell even "Nu-Di-Ty" has more commercial appeal! Speaking of hit potential, I think "Sweet Music" had plenty. It's perhaps the most straightforward pop tune on the album. I love the 80s references in the lyrics and the chorus is very catchy. Much like the sublime "Red Blooded Woman". I could write a thesis on the way this song divided fans but I loved it from the first listen. Bitches lamented the blatantly American sound - a criticism that seems ridiculous today when everyone with a recording contract is busily trying to jump on Rihanna's urban pop bandwagon. Then there were claims that Kylie was too old (at an ancient 35, mind you!) to sing lyrics about "freakin' around". Strangely many of the same people had no problem with 49 year old Madonna singing about her "sticky and sweet" candy shop. As far as I'm concerned, the song is a high camp triumph. I don't think anyone was buying the American makeover but I can't imagine my Kylie collection without this rubbish. The Whitey remix, in particular, is a trip to gay heaven. Happily, Kylie had the last laugh with this one. "Red Blooded Woman" is the only Kylie song apart from "Can't Get You Out Of My Head" that still gets played on Australian radio with any frequency (and that includes all the singles from "X") and the song has entered the national consciousness thanks to Kath & Kim. Who will ever forget Kim belting it out at Epponnee's wedding? Check it out below. The song starts at 1:20 mins. AMAZING!

The selection of "Chocolate" as the album's third and ultimately final single was a big mistake. I love the song - although I prefer the hilarious ghetto version with Ludacris that leaked a while ago - but fans were crying out for an upbeat dance track not a ballad, however dreamy and delicate it might be. The remixes were god awful and the promotion was non-existent, making the whole thing feel like some kind of contractual obligation. The only saving grace in my book is the kooky and extremely classy video that still pushes all my buttons. I was pretty harsh about "Promises" but Kurtis Mantronik redeems himself with "Obsession". This is 80s tinged electronica that actually works. The staccato beats are catchy, the lyrics are cute and I love the chorus. With a slightly beefier remix this could have been amazing. I feel exactly the same way about "I Feel For You". This track is so frustratingly close to being spectacular. The 90s piano is a surprising delight and the chorus is sublime but the verses don't quite work and that vocal sample annoys the hell out of me. It's almost like they tried a little too hard to make it cool and cutting edge. That being said, I always look forward to the pretentious thunder and rain in the last 30 seconds.

If I had to select a track from "Body Language" that deserves to be re-visited and re-evaluated by pop fans, it would have to be the big lump of sultry gorgeousness that is "Someday". I sometimes feel like the only card carrying Al Kylieda member that loves this but it's probably my favourite song on the whole album. Emiliana Torrini brings out a side of Kylie that I didn't know existed. The lyrics are so mature, the production is complex and eccentric (in a good way) and the cameo from Scritti Politti frontman Green Garside is a great touch. Whenever I find myself wishing "Body Language" had turned out differently, I just listen to "Someday" and get over it. That little gem is followed by the equally brilliant "Loving Days", which has to be in the running for Kylie's greatest ever ballad. Richard Stannard and Julian Gallagher create such a lush and dreamy canvas for one of Kylie's best vocal performances. Everything about this sublime gem just works. I wish I could say the same for the stinking turd that closes the album. "After Dark" is one of the worst songs of Kylie's entire career. Cathy Dennis should have been forced to sit on her Ivor Novello award as punishment for unloading this dire shit on poor, unsuspecting Kylie. What a disappointing way to end an uneven but extremely enjoyable album. At least the Australian edition finished with the lovely "Slo Motion", which is a favourite of mine despite sounding a little too similar to "Loving Days".

Half the problem with "Body Language" is knowing how different it could have been. Pascal Gabriel's "I'm Sorry" was an unexpected return to the introspectiveness of the Deconstruction era, while "Trippin' Me Up" is the dance anthem that "Body Language" was crying out for. When you throw "I'm Just Here For The Music" (recently raped by Paula Abdul), the trashtastic "My Image Unlimited" and the super catchy "On The Up" into the mix - you have the ingredients for one hell of a pop album. That's not even mentioning "BPM" and "Boombox", which were both originally recorded for "Body Language". However, even if I could wave my magic wand and completely overhaul the album, I don't think I would. Perhaps I'd ditch some of the tracks that needlessly pander to the American market (those decisions were clearly more corporate than artistic) but on the whole I'd leave it alone. Kylie has recorded enough killer dance-pop tunes for ten divas. Another dozen would have been nice but I'd miss the kooky shit on "Body Language". I respect that Kylie tried something different. A few of the risks came off and a lot of them didn't but that's what makes the album so frustrating and so fascinating.

Madonna - Celebration Review

Seriously, wasn't this shit on "Club Disco" two years ago? I'm used to Madonna ripping off Kylie but jackin' Dannii's swagga is a new low.

3/10

12 Questions With Sally Shapiro

I don't often use the word beautiful to describe pop music. Adjectives like catchy, fun and cute usually seem more appropriate but there is something undeniably gorgeous about Sally Shapiro's latest offering. Dreamy synths collide with icy electro beats on this breathtaking collection of 80s inspired pop tunes. "My Guilty Pleasure" is already a clear front runner for my album of the year. It revives and breathes new life into the Italo-disco genre with an authenticity that is startling. Fans will revel in song after song of languid pop perfection. The production is particularly exquisite and perfectly showcases the wistful tone of Sally's voice. As much as I love the music, I'm equally impressed with Sally's approach to her career. She is the anti-pop star. Instead of turning up to the opening of an envelope and desperately jumping from trend to trend like most of her contemporaries, Sally has a real job and just makes music she is passionate about on the weekends. It's scary to think what she could do if she really put her mind to it! I was lucky enough to interview Sally recently and asked her about her low key approach to pop stardom, the Annie comparisons as well as her favourite Swedish takeaway food! Check it out.

1. Sally, in the past you have said that you're not interested in being a pop star. Is it the fame that turns you off or the superficiality (or something else entirely)?
Mostly that I don't like standing on stage, and I think it's impossible being a pop star without ever standing on stage. Also I don't like travelling so much, and late work hours. Doing art for a living would probably also make me stressed since you have to create despite being inspired, and I think my inspiration would be lost then. Also, being a pop-star and doing it for a living would probably make it easy to mix up fame with self worth, and I wouldn't want that to happen. So, I prefer to have a normal job and a normal life and singing as a hobby.

2. How did you meet Johan Agebjörn? He's an amazing producer. Is it true he choose the name Sally Shapiro?
We were working at the same office back in 2001. But it took until 2004 when we discovered our common taste in 80s disco and in 2006 we started making music together. He suggested the name Sally Shapiro for the project but we chose it together.

3. "Miracle" and "Love In July" beautifully revive the sound of 80s Italo-disco. Are you a big fan of that genre?
Yes!

4. Your new album is called "My Guilty Pleasure". What are some of your personal guilty pleasures?
In a lot of situations 80s disco is still a guilty pleasure for me, and many others, I think. A lot of people like it but don't want to admit it. I discovered Mylène Farmer because my roommate by accident had forgotten the CD in the CD player in the kitchen. She hadn't told anyone that she liked her.

5. What can we expect from the album? Does it sound similar to the gorgeous "Disco Romance"?
It's similar in that it's a romantic pop disco album. But the production is a bit more varied.

6. What music did you listen to growing up?
Mostly Swedish 80s pop/disco artists like Lili & Sussie, Lena Philipsson and a lot of Eurovision Song Contest songs. Later on, indie pop music.

7. Who are your favourite singers now?
Suzanne Vega, Marit Bergman and still Mylène Farmer.

8. I believe you have never performed live. Why is that?
I'm shy and I don't like standing on stage. I tried with a few DJ gigs but it felt awkward. I don't like the idea of touring so much either, I'm not into travelling and working late in the evening. I prefer to have a normal life with a normal job and the music as a hobby.

9. People often liken you to Annie, which I think is rude because you are so much better. What do you make of the comparison?
I can understand the comparison since we both have a taste for disco and we both have quite light singing voices. But there are a lot of differences, Annie is a real artist, making a living on it and performing live. I am just recording songs in the weekends sometimes. Annie is a lot more famous than I and she deserves it.

10. Your remix CDs were brilliant and I believe you're a bit of a DJ yourself. What dance songs can you recommend to us at the moment?
Sorry - one of the reasons I quit DJing is because I'm terribly bad at checking out new music...

11. You have a strong cult following around the world. Are you surprised to have fans as far away as Australia (like me)?
I'm surprised by the relative success of this project, compared to what we thought it would become - we mainly thought some disco nerds would like it. However, it seems to be mostly spread on the Internet, which is a global thing, so why not Australia.

12. Would you prefer to eat a burger from, Max or Sibylla's?
Probably a veggie burger from Sibylla. I like that small town feeling.

"My Guilty Pleasure" is released on the 25th of August and comes very, very highly recommended! Check out details about the release and score a free mp3 of the album's lead single "Miracle" on Sally's website. Check out her latest release, the sublime "Love In July", below. Surely this is the video of the year?

Pop Panel - Week 12

I've been doing the Pop Panel for the past 3 months and I really should be used to the occasional dud song winning but it still annoys me when a big stinking poo pollutes my lovely blog! I guess this week's winner isn't quite that bad but there is a fine line between drawing influence from the 80s and ruthlessly ripping off the pop stars of yesteryear. If music fans keep encouraging this sort of behaviour it's only a matter of time before some shaggy haired dude tries to channel Michael Bolton. You've been warned! Anyway, now that I've finished ranting, I really should introduce the judges responsible for this harrowing decision. Today's Panel consists of:

D'Luv (US) writer of Chart Rigger
Mike (Aus) author of this classy blog.
Pablo (Spain) writer of Peibols
Paul (UK) writer of Fizzy Pop
The Prophet (AUS) writer of The Prophet

In addition to the usual hos, I've roped in the services of these two hot bitches:

Nasty G (Canada) writer of The Isle Of Deserted Pop Stars
Tommie (Sweden) writer of Donna Martin Graduates

I'm really excited to have these guys on board. "Isle" has to be one of my all time favourite blogs and my preferred hunting grounds for fabulous pop trash, while Tommie's new blog is on fire. I'm still reeling from his amazing Leila K extravaganza and the introduction to Norell, Oson & Bard rocked my world.

As usual the songs are listed from least to most popular.

Tinchy Stryder feat Amelle Berrabah - Never Leave You (Video)

Everyone's favourite Sugababe teams up with rising hip hop star Tinchy.

D'Luv: Didn't T.I. and Rihanna already do this song? And that hair? 0/5
Mike: Tinchy has to be the world's worst rapper since Mr President. Seriously, Peter Andre has more urban credibility. Teaming up with Amelle is a smart move but even that crazy bitch can't turn this turd into a diamond. 1/5
Nasty G: What? Another Taio Cruz track?! Oh no, it's apparently the scrawny midget rapper version of him. Bleh. But, though I initially resisted her, Amelle has become my fave non-Siobhan Sugababe, even if she’s playing the poor man’s Rihanna here. Pity that they had to spend the majority of the budget on her pay cheque and not the song itself. 2/5
Pablo: Well... the concept of "everyone's" is not that true. My favourite is Heidi, for sure. Amelle, as usual, is being so bitchy. Which I like. The song is acceptable for her first "almost solo" track so, it's ok for me. 4/5
Paul: It's Tinchy. And the fifth sugababe! What more could a person want? It's a bit in your face packed with attitude and that rather memorable and "fierce" chorus. What more could a person say? 4/5
The Prophet: Mutya would've done a way better job but I still love this. It's been on heavy rotation ever since it leaked for me. Whoa whoa I will never leave you! 4.5/5
Tommie: The most vile and unreal Sugashit teams up with this Flinchy guy and the results are WHORErendous! I would rather cut my ears off than ever listen to this tripe again! 0/5
Total: 15.5/35

Taio Cruz – Break Your Heart (Video)

Britain's urban pop sensation unleashes his latest track.

D'Luv: Uninventive chorus and the fact that it sounds like Akon aside, this is what a summer pop jam should sound like! I'll probably play this at least two times before deleting! 4/5
Mike: I've been a fan of Taio's catchy urban dance schtick since the brilliant "Come On Girl". I guess it doesn't hurt that he's ten kinds of sexy and films his videos on my favourite holiday island. This isn't his finest moment but I still wholeheartedly approve. 4/5
Nasty G: Sweet Jesus, how many songs is Ne-Yo going to release off of his latest album? What's that, it's not him? Well then, how many songs is Akon going… Oh, it's not him either? Who the hell is it then and why should I care? That's right - I don't. NEXT! 2/5
Pablo: Urban music is almost as boring as ballads. Really, I don't get it. And this video is so Ibiza style... Please! Aren't there any other islands in Spain? 0/5
Paul: The thing I like about Taio is that no matter how his songs turn out (ie which genre they are trying to appeal to) they end up being the rather good type of pop tune that Chris Brown used to make before he got all fisty. This is a sleek urban jam with pop sensibilities and it's proper good. 3.5/5
The Prophet: This alright I guess but I'm sick to death of urban artists doing dance music. Yes I know he has already done lots of dance tracks before but his R&B songs are so much better. This sounds like everything else on the radio at the moment. 1.5/5
Tommie: This is either RedOne by-the-numbers or someone trying to do RedOne by-the-numbers. It's decent enough considering it's Taio Cruz, but I wish it was more creative. 2.5/5
Total: 17.5/35

Little Boots – Remedy (Video)

Little Boots follows up her last flop with "Remedy".

D'Luv: I'm torn between thinking this song is a bit lazy with the verses—it's annoying when artists sing the same melody as the instrumentation—and quite fantastic, once it finally gets to the chorus. There's also something very ABBA-esque about said chorus. I dunno. 3/5
Mike: The sad thing about this pathetic excuse for a Kylie B-side is that it's probably the best thing on the boring cunt's sorry excuse for an album. It's enough to make you miss Ratshit STDvens! Well, almost. 0/5
Nasty G: Now we know what would have become of Dannii if she had kept her original nose. But I confess, I have a soft spot for this puss in Boots, however redundant she may seem. All of my gays are eating her shit up like it was their last meal, so who am I to resist? 3.5/5
Pablo: It's not only that I like the song. It's all it means to me. Riding in Parker's car totally screaming this song like crazy queers, reminds me of great moments in Elche. Also, a great video (copycat of "Slow", of course). 5/5
Paul: I'm not entirely sure why LB isn't more massive than she is but I'm very eager for this single to change that. It's lyrically a spiritual companion to the lovely "Heartbreak Make Me A Dancer" and equally as funky. Perhaps this should have been the first single but what's done is done. If you pass this by on prejudice then it's utterly your loss. 5/5
The Prophet: So this is Little Boots, is it? The girl everyone's been talking about? What a disappointment, she's so boring. 1/5
Tommie: I guess this qualifies as 'alright', but there's no energy to this one, is there? And the poor woman looks dead in some shots, Christ. I don't have the same kind of haterade against the girl like some people have, but her image needs serious re-tooling because the 'British Lady GaGa' thing is not working out for her! 2/5
Total: 19.5/35

BoA – Energetic (Video)

The Korean superstar's 3rd US single.

D'Luv: I liked the BoA song from last week better. He just sounds like a robot here. 2/5
Mike: I also prefer the sublime sleaziness of "Eat You Up" but this is still another cracking dance tune from Korea's second sexiest woman (Mina still holds that title). It's interesting that the lowest votes come from the oldest gays. Just saying! 4.5/5
Nasty G: At last, an Asian singer whose English voice I can actually enjoy and not just pretend to in order to honour the gay code which states that I must champion every international pop-tart underdog (sorry Utada, but I can finally say it - you suck!). Seriously, this is perhaps the best song off Britney’s album. It's a shame, though, that her failure so far in the US has resulted in her having to use Paula Abdul's abandoned dance routine and video set for "I’m Just Here For The Music". 4.5/5
Pablo: Oh, how interesting, another Asian girl. Aha, I see. And using a vocoder! How original! 0/5
Paul: Honestly, I went into this tune with an open mind expecting to perhaps be wowed. It's actually quite appalling. It's like a really weak Britney demo remixed by someone who wishes they were as successful as Cascada. Yes it's that bad. I can barely listen, my ears are bleeding. 0/5
The Prophet: This is one of the only good songs from her album. The majority of her other songs sound soulless and robotic, but that actually works in Energetic's favour. 4.5/5
Tommie: The Best of Asia does it again! "Energetic" is an amazing dancefloor filler that's set to burn up many select gay clubs across America! 4.5/5
Total: 20/35

Erika Jayne – Give You Everything (Above)

American dance diva unleashes her latest floorfiller.

D'Luv: Am I naive to still be shocked at how many of these dance broads are knocking off Lady GaGa's look? Oh, right—just comment on the music, D'luvvy. It's an OK track. I dunno. Can I go back to talking about her sunglasses? No? Sigh. 2/5
Mike: I feel sorry for Erika. She was ripping off Kylie and Lady GaGa well before Little Boots stole her act. This is typically catchy material from America's underground Queen of dance. 4/5
Nasty G: When I first discovered this timeworn tranny’s song "Rollercoaster", I had a new fave diva. Her whispery white raps had me at "Eat it up". Then she released another song in which she actually attempted to sing, over a beat that even Kylie must have rejected in her Deconstruction days. This one's a little better (though I prefer the original version and its video, which gives us more half-naked man-flesh and less creaky coochie). 3/5
Pablo: No, seriously, isn't this blonde the one from Cascada? Nonono, from September?
Nonononono, from Infernal? They all look and sound the same to me. At least, this one has bigger boobs! The song is danceable and catchy. Enough for a single in summer. 3.5/5
Paul: Poor Erika may have suffered from being listened to last after a number of dance songs that I really liked this week. After those, this sounds a bit generic though of course Moto Blanco can be relied on to add a bit of spice to an otherwise slightly dull number. 2.5/5
The Prophet: I have no idea why but there's something about this that makes me want to give it a high rating. This is dreadful but I cannot resist... 4/5
Tommie: Oh no! D'luv's drunken aunt just dressed up as Lady GaGa! Fabulous. 4/5
Total: 23/35

Ricki-Lee – Don't Miss You (Video)

Australian Idol alumni-come-host releases the lead single from her latest album.

D'Luv: Great. Another dumpy tramp knocking off Rachel Stevens. Wait, did she just say, "You can kiss my behind"? Sold! 4/5
Mike: As a complete Ricki-Lee stan (ie. stalker fan), I would have probably given this 4/5 for old time's sake even without listening to it but I'm very pleased to say that this is a stunning return to form after the shiteous "Wiggle It". And I will seriously cut the next bitch that disses Ricki-Lee's bootylicious body! 5/5
Nasty G: It's great to see the trampy untalented one from Liberty X has put on 50 pounds and embarked on a solo career. Only in the UK could a fat slag have a semi-successful recording career (well, the US does have Kelly Clarkson, I suppose…). Oops, I see this is an ex-Young Diva and that she's Australian. Well, same diff. And I’m happy to hear that Cher has dusted off her auto-tune to do back-up vocals. Of course I love it (as per the gay code mentioned above). 3.5/5
Pablo: I love this song! The girl is a S Club 7 girl + one Atomic Kitten + another singer mixed up. I like it. At least she is not that skinny as other pop stars. Usually I don't like songs where you can listen to different cities. It's quite obvious. But in her case, it's forgiveable. 4.75/5
Paul: Oh god. A motorbike in the video. How avant garde. Almost as avant garde as the song, where Rickie tries to be daring by saying piss you off and kiss me behind. How shocking. Shame really that she seems to be trying harder than a gaga in a muppet suit, cos the chorus is quite good, let down by middling verses. 3/5
The Prophet: Oh wow what a shock Ricki-Lee has put dance influences in her music. Yawn. This is like a Z-grade Rihanna. I'm disappointed because I really like Ricki and I own her first two albums, though I've never played them before! 2/5
Tommie: She moves her neck around a lot, doesn't she? Anyway, nice to see someone representing the plus-sized pop tart; this'll be my Valentines Day-anthem for sure! 4/5
Total: 26.25/35

Centerfold – Take Me (Video)

Dutch girlband's sleazy new anthem.

D'Luv: Geez, I guess we just don't give Dana International enough credit for opening the market up for transgendered pop "stars." 3/5
Mike: Oh no they didn't! This fabulous trash is offensive on just about level, which is probably the reason why I've been watching it on repeat all week. The video is like nasty Europorn - I keep waiting for Rocco Siffredi to appear. Wrong, yet somehow so right! 5/5
Nasty G: I recently vacayed in the Red Light District, and like any warm-blooded male passing by the ladies on display, the first thing I thought was "Wouldn’t it be awesome to make a pop group out of only the finest whores and film their video in the brothel itself?" And here we are! And a Youtube search reveals an 80's incarnation that will keep me in Gaytube heaven for months. It's electrowhore pop. What's not to love? 4/5
Pablo: The video is disturbing. Sometimes I thought it was the beginning of a porn movie. But with ugly girls. Are they girls? Even the guys in the video are ugly. I don't like this song. 1/5
Paul: Don't think anyone will judge me if I say i would let the skinhead guy in this vid manhandle me, tie me up and throw me blindfolded into his car. But the song! It's quite catchy, with a few remixes I can see this being quite big in the UK. Pity their voices are as thin as paper, but that's never stopped anyone before. 3.5/5
The Prophet: This is absolutely, positively, outrageous! 5/5
Tommie: So let's see if I get the plot of this video - they are three bondage sluts who happen to get kidnapped by this creepy rich guy but they all enjoy it, so it doesn't matter anyway? Genius! Win! 5/5
Total: 26.5/35

SINGLE OF THE WEEK

Preston – Dressed To Kill (Below)

Ex-Ordinary Boys singer's debut solo single.

D'Luv: Sounds like all of Duran Duran took turns ass-boinking Preston over a trash bin. Love it! 4/5
Mike: This boring waste of space has spent way too much time googling Simon Le Bon. However, there are worse acts to rip off. I guess. 2/5
Nasty G: Oh my, I'm yours for the biting, Count Morrissey. How could this tight little treasure ever be in a group called Ordinary Boys? Try extraordinary, yummm… Oh wait, there is an actual song here too? Well, it seems that Rockwell has kindly lent the boy his "Somebody’s Watching Me" keyboard riff. And really, the song could be absolute tripe and he'd still get top points from me. 5/5
Pablo: Great! At least one singer with his chest not waxed!! It's quite 80s, the song, the sound and the video. 4/5
Paul: Hurrah! I adore this tune. I loved Preston in Ordinary Boys. I loved Preston in Celeb BB Car Crash TV. I loved Preston the tabloid bait. And now I love vampire 80s Preston. This is a glorious tune, well sung, very catchy and so much more entertaining than a lot of the 80s inspired guff out there right now. Preston knows the pop game well and by golly he's gonna play it. 5/5
The Prophet: Wasn't this guy on Big Brother? I really like the song but the video is so pretentious, and seeing it has tainted the way I feel about the music. 3.5/5
Tommie: I've never heard of 'Ordinary Boys' before, but I get the feeling that I'd probably hate them, so this is most likely surprisingly good! I'm curious to what he'll come up with next. 3.5/5
Total: 27/35