The Ultimate Trash Xmas Carol

I thought Cyndi Lauper's duet with The Hives was the year's best Christmas anthem but that modern classic has been blown out of the water by Linni Meister's clubtastic cover version of "Do They Know It's Christmas". Seriously, this fabulous shit has to be heard to be believed! The track is credited to John Astericks (its producer) featuring Glam Aid (a bunch of Scandinavian plastic surgery addicts) but the most recognisable face and "voice" is that of Norwegian Big Brother contestant come pop/porn star Linni Meister. I featured Linni's amazing "Where My Limo At" on the blog earlier this year but she is still best known for her breathtakingly awesome cover of Destiny's Child's "Survivor". Until now. "Do They Know It's Christmas" is a triumph of bad taste. The song has been re-worked into a stilted dance anthem with all the soul of a store mannequin. Linni's voice, in particular, has been vocodered to the point where she sounds like a robot! The video clip is also pretty amusing. It looks like it was filmed at a hooker convention and what kind of club spins a tune about starving Africans to get people on the dancefloor? I'm sure everyone involved had the best intentions and it goes without saying that I prefer this to the original version. I'm just not sure how this wonderful trash is supposed to help starving children when it's being given away for free (along with a club remix and the video clip) on John Asterick's website. I guess it's the thought that counts. Right?

The Day I Met Las Supremas!

When I first wrote about Las Supremas De Móstoles on this blog, I never dreamed that I would one day get the chance to meet the gorgeous girls in person - but the universe had other plans. I had been given their amazing "Philadelphia Disco Party" CD as a gift (even though my friends now deny it - own up, bitches!) during my first stay in Madrid and spent the next two months listening to their camp Motown cover versions all over Europe. It seemed only fitting to write about them when I briefly re-opened my blog in London. In a strange twist of fate, that post coincided with the now notorious Boyz magazine interview about my tragic fabulous taste in music and I naturally mentioned Las Supremas. At length. Boyz then sought permission to use the band's picture in the article and before long I was in contact with their record company - with a date to meet the ladies the next time I was in Madrid!

A Supremas Sandwich!

Of all the crazy shit I got up to in Spain, meeting Las Supremas has to be the most surreal. It was the 5th of November. That date is burned into my memory forever. I was picked up by Christina (their lovely assistant) at Colón and we drove to the radio station where the ladies were scheduled to appear. It appears that Las Supremas De Móstoles are not only pop superstars in Spain, they have their own mini media empire - appearing on television and Punto Radio's "Queremos Hablar" with Ana Garcia Lozano. We arrived before them and I was introduced to Ana (a total sweetheart) and told the show's format. Basically, Las Supremas come on the show to chat about celebrity gossip and just be fabulous. They also sing the occasional song and have a running segment in which they make up new words. The time finally came for the ladies to arrive and I was completely starstruck. It's hard to believe but Vicky, Luisi and Susi are even more glamorous in real life! They are also three of the nicest women I've ever met. I spent about an hour with them - smoking cigarettes, flipping through magazines (research for the show) and chatting via Christina (their English isn't great and my Spanish is worse). The best moment was an impromptu sing-a-long before the show. The breathtaking threesome serenaded me with stunning acapella versions of Duffy's "Mercy" and Leona's "Bleeding Love"! I was really blown away by the strength of the voices and pitch perfect harmonies. Luisi then taught me the Spanish words for male genitalia by grabbing my privates. I felt like I had been groped by the hand of god!

"I love you, coño"!

The show itself was a lot of fun. I was invited to watch the proceedings from the studio and Las Supremas talked about their biggest (and probably only) Australian fan and they belted out a sublime version of "Killing Me Softly" in my honour. I was really quite overwhelmed. After the show there were more songs ("Sing A Happy Song" - my favourite from the album) and I had the chance to ask some questions about the future. 2009 looks like a busy year for them. There was talk of a new album, a television show and an attempt to break into the South American market. I tried to persuade them to tour Australia instead but they didn't appear very convinced! Whatever happens, I wish Las Supremas every success. They are unique in the world of pop and I worship the ground they walk on.

In our defence - I was drunk and they were pulling faces!

Central Station - A Tribute

I'm still shocked by the unexpected closure of Central Station Records in late November. Everything appeared to be going well. They were celebrating their biggest hit in years with September's "Cry For You" and were busily commissioning local remixes for "Can't Get Over" and "Because I Love You" (the planned follow-up singles). I hope Central Station can arise from the ashes in one form or another but in all likelihood, they have released their last trashy dance anthem. What an utterly depressing thought. CSR was more than a record label - it was an institution. Their sad demise is a huge blow to the Australian music industry and dance music fans alike. It also leaves some of my favourite acts without local representation. September might be snapped up by another label but Dannii has already been dropped by every record company in this country and Melissa Tkautz was a hair's breath away from a life of crime at the best of times. The music scene just won't be the same.

On a personal note, I'd just like to thank Central Station for the cooperation and courtesy they showed me while I was writing Dannii's Dirty Box. I've never been good at holding my tongue (who will ever forget the amazing "Club Disco" launch party debacle or the fucked up "Touch Me Like That" tracklisting?) but they were really good sports about it. Most record companies would have hit the roof over some of my posts but CSR were actually interested in what the fans had to say. While I got to know the Central Station team a lot better due to my blogs, I was a fan of the label well before that. Like most 90s club kids, I grew up listening to Central Station. In fact, there was a time when the only dance music you could purchase in this country came with a CSR logo. I hate to think how much time I spent combing through the CDs at their Oxford Street store as a teenager. As a tribute to a great label and a great punch of people, here are some of my favourite Central Station anthems. Feel free to list your own.

In The Evening - Sheryl Lee Ralph (1996)

I simply can't imagine my teenage years without "In The Evening". Originally released in 1984, this became an unexpected hit in Australia more than a decade later thanks to a brilliant remix. My best friend and I would sneak into clubs (underage) and annoy the DJs by incessantly requesting it. "In The Evening" was released at the same time that I started venturing onto the gay scene and I guess for a long time I associated it with all things wild and naughty. I think I was even put on detention for playing it too loudly at school! Even now I still give this the occasional spin. It was the soundtrack to my coming out along with "Jellyhead" - the next anthem on my list.


Jellyhead - Crush (1996)

Now this brings back wonderful memories of the Albury and the Flinders (before the glamorous makeover). "Jellyhead" was one of those songs that had a huge gay following but never really crossed over to the mainstream (Mary Kiani's "I Imagine" suffered a similar fate). While it was never a chart smash, the Motiv 8 remix of "Jellyhead" was an Oxford Street classic. We heard (and requested) this every time we went out for months and months. It still makes me want to wear lime green and grab a glow stick!

Nicki French - For All We Know (1995)

I loved Central Station's Euro-trash phase in the mid-90s! A #89 Australian chart smash for Nicki, "For All We Know" remains one of my favourite trash anthems. I always preferred this cheesy SAW (well, Stock & Aitken at least) cover of The Carpenters' classic to "Total Eclipse Of the Heart" but it seems I was the only one. "For All We Know" was to be Nicki's last single released in this country. Shame, Australia, shame! Oh check out the video - the ballet dancers playing imaginary instruments get me every time!

Tatjana - Santa Maria (1995)

I can't include Nicki without featuring another amazing Stock/Aitken production from the 90s - this time from Dutch bombshell Tatjana. Like Nicki, Tatjana is still churning out fabulous music but her glory days (as far as international chart success is concerned) have well and truly passed. I can't remember if this was a hit for Central Station but I seem to remember it being played on Video Hits for weeks on end as a "Hit Pick". I think the producers were just mesmerised by Tatjana's pendulous baps in the video. I'll never tire of this one.

Ken Laszlo & Jenny - What A Lonely Night (1995)

I totally missed this gem the first time around. It was only after I started trawling Ebay for Italo Disco acts a couple of years ago that I came across this trashtastic duet between the legendary Ken Laszlo and some slut called Jenny. "What A Lonely Night" has to be one of the most random Central Station releases ever. It's total Eurodance, a big departure from the music they were churning out at the time. There's no video but you can hear the song here.

Deuce - On The Bible (1996)

Deuce were amazing! I was obsessed with them for a while and "On The Bible" was my absolute favourite. However, I'm not a huge fan of the version featured in the video. I'm pretty sure Australia went with a different remix. I'll have to dig out my copy to check. Anyway, this is another Central Station classic that brings back memories of nights out and bad behaviour. 1996 really was a bumper year!

Mousse T Vs Hot 'N' Juicy - Horny (1998)

Don't even pretend that you didn't dance around the club like a complete whore to this classic! "Horny" was THE slut anthem of the 90s and unexpectedly became one of Central Station's biggest hits. This was all class.

Neja - Restless (1999)

I had completely forgotten about this Italian diva until I started researching this post by ransacking my CD collection for Central Station releases. To be honest, I can't even remember buying this. However, I'm glad I did because Neja is a pop tart after my own heart and "Restless" is actually rather fabulous. I wonder what happened to her.

Trouser Enthusiasts - Sweet Release (1999)

Dannii fandom lead me to this single. Trouser Enthusiasts are none other than serial Dannii collaborators, Terry Ronald and Ian Masterson. They had a big club hit a couple of years prior to this with their remix of Kylie's "Did It Again" but "Sweet Release" was the only big hit they had under their own name. Personally, I think this is one of the best trance songs of the entire 1990s. Central Station really knew how to pick 'em. Listen to the song here.

Kosmonova - Danse Avec Moi (2000)

What the fuck happened to these guys? "Danse Avec Moi" was genius. Trance rarely sounded this elegant and classy - if you ignore the bad special effects filled video. Listening to this still makes me feel like I've gobbled down a handful of pills.

DJ Sammy - Heaven (2002)

It's a strange coincidence that I mentioned Spain's DJ Sammy several times in my last post. Before he revolutionised the Spanish music industry with Soraya's amazing new album, DJ Sammy churned out brilliant techno cover versions. With "Heaven", he achieved the impossible by making a Bryan Adams song sound interesting. I loved this when it was released and "Heaven" still stands up as a great dance tune. This was a top 10 hit for Central Station in 2002.

Despina Vandi - Gia (2003)

Central Station really did release some weird and wonderful singles. Greek diva Despina Vandi scored a surprise international hit with "Gia" and it was duly picked up for an Australian release. Unfortunately, "Gia" didn't set the charts on fire over here but I loved it and still love it. Despina needs to record a duet with Soraya!


Slinkee Minx - Summer Rain (2004)

The Slinkee Minx cover of Belinda Carlisle's 90s hit is an Australian pop classic. Central Station really nurtured these ladies, spending years (in retrospect, far too long) working on their debut album. It's horrible to think they no longer have a record deal - just as they were planning to release new material. Fingers crossed the girls find something new or go it alone. Australia needs them to add some much needed fabulousness to the local pop scene.

Moustache Feat. Melinda Jackson - Everywhere (2005)

I've already written about this brilliant cover version on Pop Trash Addicts. It introduced me to the lovely Melinda Jackson (who sadly seems to have fallen off the radar) and remains one of my favourite Australian pop singles of the past few years. Watch the classy video here.

Infernal - From Paris To Berlin

I've been a huge Infernal fan for years and was really excited when they got a local release. I never dreamed that "From Paris To Berlin" would be a smash hit over here but it was massive, prompting further singles and a tour. I even got Paw's autograph - Yes, I know I'm a loser! Central Station were still deciding whether to release their latest album ("Electric Cabaret") when they closed. At least we'll always have the "From Paris To Berlin (Tour Edition)"!


EliZe - Automatic (2005)

EliZe is the second breathtaking Dutch diva to feature on this list. I still remember the first time I heard "Automatic" on Australian radio - I almost fell off my seat in awe. "Automatic" is pop of the highest calibre. Kylie would kill for it and Dannii would kill Kylie for it. Speaking of the Minogues, EliZe rips off Kylie mercilessly in the fabulous video. This would be high on my shortlist for Central Station's best ever single. EliZe is still going strong. Her latest single "Lovesick" could well feature on my best of 2008 countdown.


Bananarama - Move In My Direction (2006)

Those old slappers from Bananarama found a happy home at Central Station. Their comeback didn't really set the world on fire but the singles were fabulous and the album ("Drama") was a trash lover's wet dream. Time for something new, ladies!


Gabriel & Dresden - Tracking Treasure Down

This is quite simply one of the best dance singles of the decade. It's haunting, hypnotic and very beautiful. I still blast "Tracking Treasure Down" on my Ipod when I'm feeling the need for some quality progressive house. If you haven't heard it, make sure you check it out. This will appeal to pop fans as well as dance fans.


Dannii - Touch Me Like That

I was always going to include some Dannii and it was a toss up between "Touch Me Like That" and "So Under Pressure" (which I vastly prefer) but I chose to feature the former because of the fond memories I have of its fucked up release. There were problems with iTunes, the single was chart ineligible due to Central Station including too many remixes and one of the remixes was incorrectly labelled. There was also considerable fan excitement when it briefly peaked at #97 - on the iTunes' albums chart. It could only happen to Dannii. I swear the "Touch Me Like That" debacle kept Dannii's Dirty Box going for months!


September - Cry For You

This makes me sad. September was Central Station's last big success. At least they went out on a high. I'm not crazy about Scandipop but "Cry For You" is a pop masterpiece. A great sample, Petra's emotive vocals and a killer chorus all help to make this one of the best Euro-pop anthems of 2008. Central Station were already planning for the second and third singles when they closed. I guess we'll never get them but thankfully September's selt-titled album was released. It's well worth rescuing from bargain bins around Australia.

And Central Station's Worst Single?

The crap below gets my vote. Oh, who am I kidding? I love this shit! It's so bad it's brilliant and the video is a masterpiece. I hope Amy followed her true calling and entered the adult entertainment industry.

Thanks for all the great memories.

Soraya's Pop Masterpiece - Sin Miedo

If Soraya's "Sin Miedo" isn't THE best pop album of 2008, it comes very fucking close. The Spanish señorita has succeeded where so many A list divas have failed - by delivering a consistently excellent set of shiny dance-pop gems. This album belongs on your shelf between "Neon Nights" and "Fever". Yes, it's really that good! I first fell in love with Soraya's 80s cover albums ("La Dolce Vita" being my favourite) but "Sin Miedo" is a huge leap forward. With the exception of two slightly misguided English language tracks, all the songs are original and very contemporary. The production is now of international standard and even Soraya's image has been given a complete overhaul. This isn't so much a new direction as an entire re-birth. Here is my track by track review of Soraya's timeless masterpiece:

Sin Miedo - 8/10

I find it really difficult to review music in languages I don't understand. I'm completely in awe of bloggers like Poster Girl and Robpop, who can happily wax lyrical about Ethiopian folk albums and Finnish death metal. Lyrics are very important to me but I guess being oblivious to the finer details is kind of freeing and you really don't need to understand a word of Spanish to guess that "Sin Miedo" ("Without Fear") is an uplifting declaration of independence. One of two tracks imported from Sweden, this has the slightest whiff of Scandipop blandess. Happily, the song is saved by an iconic chorus and Soraya's impressive pipes. "Sin Miedo" is far from the best song on the album and would not have been my choice as the first single but at least the video clip is a triumph. A battered looking Soraya wanders through a graveyard before changing into stilettos and conveniently stumbling across a dance party. That kind of shit happens to me ALL THE TIME!

Para Ti - 10/10

After a promising beginning, the album really steps up a gear with the dazzling "Para Ti" ("For You"). Produced by Spain's DJ Sammy (who scored top 10 hits of his own in Australia with dance re-makes of "Heaven" and "Boys Of Summer") and written by the team behind Marta Sanchez's brilliant "Superstar", this track introduces Soraya to the dancefloor. I love the production on this. It's edgy and contemporary, while still sounding sweet and melodic. The opening synths are particularly wicked. DJ Sammy should be legally forced to collaborate with all Spanish divas!

No Siento - 10/10

"No Siento" is another stellar DJ Sammy production despite the fact that it shamelessly rips off is clearly inspired by Madonna's "Get Together" (it's particularly obvious around the line "Nunca más me harás sufrir"). On the bright side, DJ Sammy at least has the good taste to copy that old whore's last decent single and this is a rare example of an imitation that surpasses the original. I love everything about this track - from the ethereal electro sound palette to the subtlely catchy chorus. However, the biggest revelation for me is Soraya's voice. I'm used to her belting out songs but the amount of variation on display here is a surprise. I love the softness and sexiness she exudes. I'm not sure why she can't seem to show this side in her English material.

Duele - 9/10

The beats come thick and heavy on this mid-tempo groove couresty of Ten Productions - the production house behind Soraya's last two albums and Brigitte Nielsen's amazing "No More Turning Back"! Dannii seriously needs to hire these guys. They make great, uplifting pop music and can't be that expensive if Gitta can afford them! "Duele" isn't the catchiest song on "Sin Miedo" but there's something utterly hypnotic about it. The track also offers an interesting change of pace after a string of upbeat floorfillers. I'd love to know what this is about. Poor Soraya sounds a bit forlorn. I think some fucker has been messing with my princess!

La Noche Es Para Mi - 7.5/10

The second song on the album penned by Swedes and once again, it's ever so slightly underwhelming. I love the middle eastern beats (courtesy of the team at Ten Productions) and the occasional English sentence but something is missing. The chorus doesn't really work for me and the few lyrics that I can understand are seriously tacky: "Tus ojos son un volcán" - basically, "your eyes are a volcano". A guy with red, glowing eyes? Poor Soraya is dating the anti-christ! Interestingly, there is talk that this could be Spain's 2009 Eurovision entry - although she faces stiff competition from the amazing Rebeca in Spanish pre-selection. Despite my reservations about "La Noche Es Para Mi" (The Night Is Mine), I think it would go down well at Eurovision. It's just inane enough to win over viewers and it sounds like a cross between Sertab's "Every Way I Can" and Ruslana's "Wild Dances". Eurovision nerds might be interested to note that two of the songwriters (Dimitri Stassos and Irini Michas) also have a tune entered in Melodienfestivalen (Swedish pre-selection) called "Alla", which will be performed by Sofia. I'm sure that bitch has nothing on Soraya!

Caminaré (Duet with Kate Ryan) - 10/10

Soraya's second duet with Kate Ryan is an absolute triumph. The cover version loving ladies first teamed up for "No Digas Que No" on the Spanish version of Kate's "Free" album but "Caminaré" is a massive improvement on that dud. In fact, this is one of the best songs on "Sin Miedo". Soraya and Kate harmonize wonderfully and the blend of Spanish and French is beautiful. There's also a touch of melancholy about the chorus that I find strangely touching. The first time I heard it, I was convinced it was yet another example of Kate reviving an obscure Euro hit ("Ella Elle L'a", "Voyage Voyage" etc) because of the distinct Italo disco flavour (someone has been listening to a lot of Moroder) but it's an entirely original composition. I just wish Kylie and Dannii's duet had sounded half this good.

Piel Contra Piel - 10/10

DJ Sammy returns for another expertly crafted dance anthem with "Piel Contra Piel" (Skin Against Skin). There's something incredibly atmospheric about this track. It's dark, sexy and a just a little bit naughty. In other words, it's the perfect soundtrack to Soraya's saucy FHM photoshoot! DJ Sammy really has done an amazing job on this album. His tracks are all uniformly excellent but incredibly diverse in sound. Each track explores a different dance sub-genre while staying true to Soraya's pop sensibility.

Give Me Your Love - 8.5/10

Soraya wrote "Give Me Your Love" (her only writing credit) with Spanish DJs Magan & Rodriguez. If you haven't seen the sleazy video to their dance smash "Suck My", check it out. I never thought peeling a zucchini could be so erotic! Unfortunately, "Give Me Your Love" doesn't involve sexy times with vegetables but it's still fabulous. The team from Ten Productions provide a memorable array of pristine beats and kooky sound effects, while Soraya does her best sex kitten impersonation. I particularly love the non-sensical English lyrics: "Give me your heart and nara nana nana na"! I'm guessing that was our queen's contribution. Singer, nude model, songwriting genius - Is there no end to Soraya's amazing talent?!

Uno En Un Millón - 7/10

An impressive list of people have lent their talent to "Sin Miedo". "Uno En Un Millón" (One In A Million) was written by William Luque, who has collaborated with the likes of Natalia, D'Nash, Chenoa and Spain's greatest export - Las Supremas! He's obviously a man of exquisite taste. "Uno En Un Millón" is a very solid album track but it's not a standout. I like the punchy verses and uplifting chorus but it lacks the edge of tracks like "Piel Contra Piel" and "Para Ti".

Ángel Caído - 10/10

The final Spanish language track on the album is pure pop perfection. "Ángel Caído" (Fallen Angel) is DJ Sammy's most commercial contribution to the album and really would have made a brilliant first single. It's the catchiest track on "Sin Miedo" and one of the best pop songs I've heard all year. "Ángel Caído" actually reminds me a little of Kylie's "Butterfly" - it's an unusually beautiful dance anthem, complete with gorgeous synths and an uplifting chorus. I love Soraya's voice on this. She conveys a softness and a sense of joy that is utterly contagious. I just wish Soraya would record an English version - "Ángel Caído" has international hit potential.

Rebound - 6/10

"Rebound" gets my vote for the worst song on the album. Originally performed by the tedious German girlband Monrose, this song was pretty average to begin with. Admittedly, Soraya's version is a massive improvement and I'm pleased to note that her English pronunciation has improved greatly - even since last year's "La Dolce Vita". I just think this is superfluous. The original tracks on "Sin Miedo" are all superior to this tat. It's not awful by any means but "Rebound" feels like a small step backwards.

Love Is All Around - 8/10

I expected the worst when I saw this in the tracklist. "Love Is All Around" has to be one of the most covered songs of the decade. The charisma free zone that is Agnes Carlsson ruined it originally before Ricki-Lee turned it into something extraordinary. Since then it's been covered by pop stars in Asia and South Africa. As the queen of cover versions, I guess it's only fitting that Soraya has a go at making it her own. She doesn't quite match Ricki-Lee's version but her "Love Is All Around" is a pleasant surprise. It's been given a cute dance makeover and really showcases her improved English vocals.

"Sin Miedo" should be Soraya's ticket to cult diva status around the world (move over Kate Ryan and September), which is lucky because I get the feeling Spain is not particularly interested. When I was there people generally rolled their eyes when I mentioned her name, a shop assistant offered to show me some "good" cds to buy instead and a record exec dissed Señorita Arnelas as a washed up reality star. I hope they all burn in hell!

X2008 - Opening Night In Sydney

The first Kylie show I ever saw was her "Enjoy Yourself" tour way back in 1990. It was my first ever concert and I went with my mum. Those memories have blurred over the years but I still vividly remember Kylie's ugly Australian flag outfit and bursting into tears when she left the stage. Even as a child, I guess I was immune to Minogue overload! Almost twenty years (fuck!) have passed since then but I still get just as excited about seeing Kylie. Sunday night was no exception. Despite already seeing the show in London (and having watched the UK televised broadcast at least a dozen times), I couldn't wait for Ms Minogue to hit the stage. X2008 is, quitely simply, an exquisitely conceived pop concert. The staging is fresh and original, the setlist is brave (superbly showcasing "X", while still incorporating the big hits as well as new material) and Kylie further cements her reputation as the consummate live performer by holding everything together perfectly. There have already been some amazing reviews of the concert (I suggest reading this), so I won't bother with a full rundown but here are some my random thoughts about last night's extravaganza:

* I'm cursed when it comes to cameras. Mine broke halfway during the opening act. I just can't believe it happened when I finally managed to get amazing seats for a Kylie show. The pics (above and below) were taken by my friend and fellow Melissa Tkautz devotee, Chris.

* Acer Arena is a really shit venue. The building is clinical and the facilities (particularly the food outlets) leave a lot to be desired. The stadium is also too big for the disproportionately small stage. I miss the Entertainment Centre!

* Kylie concerts provide shocking foresight into what happens to flamboyant homosexuals when they hit middle age. Note to self - Sequins, feather boas, exposed midriffs and cigarette extenders should be avoided at all costs over the age of 30.

* I love Kylie's bizarre fanbase. The mix of outrageous gays, bogan housewives and pre-pubescent girls is an experience in and of itself.

* The opening sequence is epic and Kylie's new outfit (black instead of purple) is much more flattering. Mixing "Boombox" into "Can't Get You Out Of My Head" was an inspired decision.

* No matter how hard I try to get into it, I still think "Ruffle My Feathers" is a pile of stinking shit. I'm so glad it was left off "X". Last night's version of "In Your Eyes" was also a bit of a disaster. They were either playing the wrong backing track or it's the remix from hell. I think they may have had technical difficulties because Kylie's voice was completely lost in the mix.

* The live version of "Heart Beat Rock" brought the house down - even without the complete stage. This is the perfect example of how to reinvent and improve upon a relatively ordinary album track.

* I was slightly surprised by the rapturous response to "Wow" given its less than impressive Australian chart run. It was the first song that really got everyone dancing and singing along.

* Time has not wearied the genius of "Shocked"!

* The boat from the "Beach Party" segment is missing but it doesn't really make a huge difference. "Love Boat" is as fabulous as ever but the big revelation was "Copacabana", which Steve Anderson has almost entirely re-worked for this leg of the tour. It's longer and has new lyrics. The choreography has also been changed. Kylie does a lot more dancing and there were gasps and howls of appreciation when she was spun upside down by one of the dancers. At least half the people I spoke to afterwards named "Copacabana" as their favourite part of the show, which just goes to prove how out of touch fansites like SayHey are with the general public. Australia, it seems, prefers Kylie as camp as possible.

* Personally, I think "Copacabana" is genius - working on so many different levels. Many people will just appreciate it as Kylie singing a camp classic (she throws at least one into every concert) but it's also an incredibly wry nod to Kylie handing over her own showgirl crown before she ends up like poor Lola - the name of her character in "The Delinquents", no less. I just love the irony and self-reflection on display.

* I must be hallucinating because I think Kylie mentions "darkrooms" during "Copacabana"! Did anyone else hear it? It was towards the end when she talks about Lola's fate and sings something along the lines of: that's when there was still a show but now there's just a disco and a darkroom! Maybe my drink was spiked...

* Combining elements of "Got To Be Real" into "Spinning Around" turns one of my least favourite Kylie hits into something very special.

* "Like A Drug" on the skull is perfection. This should have been a single.

* Unless I'm mistaken, last night's version of "Slow" didn't contain the sample of "Free" that was used in Europe.

* The child Kylie dragged on stage (above) was actually quite cute this time around. At least she didn't break into a medley of obscure Kylie album tracks.

* "2 Hearts" is destined to become a live classic. I think it will be the "Kids" moment of all future tours.

* Kylie spent so much more time talking during this concert than the London show. I particularly love how she tries to throw in the occasional Australianism. It's as endearing as it is unconvincing. My favourite was when she declared that she needed a "cut lunch" to get from one end of the stage to the other. Charlene would be proud!

* Intermissions are good. (Deep, I know!)

* More than 6 beers on an empty stomach makes Mike a very loud and very embarrassing boy, who is prone to dancing like an idiot.

* The Manga section didn't really work as well as I remembered. "Come Into My World" was stilted, while "Nu-Di-Ty" and "Sen-SHIT-ized" had people sitting back down in their seats. I still love the staging and costume (I think there were more acrobatics last night than in London) but putting the two worst songs on "X" together was never the brightest idea.

* "Flower" is one of the most beautiful songs Kylie has ever performed. I got chills and goosebumps! It's a complete scandal that this didn't make the cut for "X". Kylie was born to sing this anthem.

* I still don't like "I Believe In You" as a ballad.

* Act 7 was AMAZING. "On A Night Like This" got the party started, while "Your Disco Needs You" had people dancing in the aisles. The response to "Kids" was incredible (can someone please explain why this song only works live?) and "Step Back In Time" drove all the pissed mums from the Western Suburbs into a frenzy. I've never seen so many Breezers swaying through the air!

* The fun continued with "In My Arms", which was received like a #1 hit - not a massive #35 flop. Act 7 closed with a re-worked version of "Better The Devil You Know", which was missing from the London concert I saw. I'm not a huge fan of the Latin overhaul but Kylie seemed to have a lot of fun blowing that damned whistle.

* Having so many obscure songs in the seemingly endless encore section is perhaps unwise. I know Kylie loves it but "No More Rain" really is a stinker and it went down like a lead balloon. Following that up with (an adorable acoustic version of) her international flop "All I See" left some fans looking a little confused but I loved it.

* I like the version of "The One" she performed last night much better than her rendition in London. It started acoustically before the dancers joined her for the remixed version and ended with Kylie kneeling on stage singing "love me, love me". Amazingly, she actually looked like she was enjoying the song for a change.

* I have serious "Love At First Sight" fatigue. Kylie could happily stop performing it for a couple of years as far as I'm concerned. "I Should Be So Lucky", on the other hand, was an absolute treat and brought the house down.

* Who do I have to fuck to get Kylie to perform "Word Is Out" or "Never Too Late"?

In conclusion, X2008 is every bit as fantastic as I remember. Last night's concert wasn't quite as polished as the show I saw in London but it was warmer and much more personal. It's quite amazing to think how much material is covered. This kind of value for money is almost unprecedented. The Australian setlist might be a bit too generous (it does drag in places) but the overall effect is still breathtaking. Most importantly, the concert brilliantly showcases an excellent and sadly misunderstood album that deserved a better reaction from fans and critics alike. X2008 is the crowning jewel of the entire "X" era and makes the shitty single choices, dodgy videos and cheap cash-in albums seem insignificant. This extravaganza is not to be missed.

Rollout With Labelle

I love my geriatric girlbands (The Jacob Sisters, Las Supremas etc), so I really couldn't resist checking out Labelle's first record in over 30 years and I was not disappointed. "Back To Now" is a great comeback album with an even greater cover. Drag queens around the globe would kill for those outfits! The highly glamorous trio invite the listener on an enjoyable trip down memory lane by delivering a solid set of soulful jams. Patti, Nona and Sarah still know how to bring the funk and they're not afraid to use it! Some critics have described the album as dated but I think timeless better describes their sound. However, the majority of songs will only be of interest to fans of old school soul (like myself) with one glaring exception - the incredibly trashtastic and utterly fabulous "Rollout".

Produced by ex-Fugee Wyclef Jean, "Rollout" is an endearing attempt to drag Labelle kicking and screaming into the 21st century. This could be the best urban pop tune ever recorded by a bunch of 60+ year old women! Patti takes the lead for this empowering tale of girl granny power and kicks her useless man to the curb by declaring "Buy your own cigarettes, walk your own pets - I'm out the door"! The production on this is superb. I love the heavy groove, occasional synth and, most of all, the way Patti screams "Lay-deez!" throughout the entire song. "Rollout" was chosen as the first single but it hasn't really taken off yet. No doubt if image wasn't important and music was simply judged on its merits, this fierce jam would be burning up the charts. It really is well worth a listen, so check it out below. You can order "Back To Now" from Chaos or simply download "Rollout" from iTunes.

Kylie's In-Store Appearance

A postcard they handed out at the event

Stop the press! Kylie finally did some Australian promo today - albeit not for her album or tour. Instead, the tiny diva rocked Pitt St Mall with a short but sweet in-store appearance at Myer to flog her latest perfume. "Sexy Darling" might smell like Dannii's piss (after she's eaten asparagus) but I couldn't pass up the opportunity to be in the same room as a living, breathing Minogue. I'm really glad I made the effort because the event turned out to be a lot of fun. Kylie was her usual lovely self and looked absolutely stunning (if a little thin). There was also no shortage of trashtastic entertainment to keep the crowd amused - from the wonderfully awful Showgirl Dancers to trivia competitions, desperate gays and singing children. It really did encapsulate the weird and wonderful world of Kylie fandom.

The Showgirl Dancers!

The first 100 fans to arrive got the opportunity to meet Kylie, so I tried to get there as early as I could. I turned up four hours before Kylie was scheduled to appear but some people had spent the night queuing outside the store (!) so I missed out. Fair play. It was a bit of a bummer but I enjoyed catching up with all the old school Kylie fanatics and it gave me the chance to have a wander around. The entire store was in full Kylie mode and "X" was blasting from every speaker on every level. I can't think of a better way to shop but some of the elderly clientele looked more than a little bemused by "Nu-Di-Ty"!

Kylie arrives

By the time I returned to level 4, the pre-Kylie entertainment was in full swing. The craptastic Showgirl Dancers worked their way through "Ultimate Kylie", while Bianca Dye took on hosting duties. I think Bianca is the best thing about Australian radio and she was in top form today; taking the piss out of the crowd ("Fluro yellow is always a brave choice"), the police ("Are you here to protect Kylie or just to perv?") and herself ("Kissed by a gay man... story of my life"). She also gave away concert tickets, showbags and what seemed like several hundred copies of the "X" tour edition. I don't know why I was surprised. There must be thousands of unsold copies littering the offices of Warner Australia if its chart placing (or lack thereof) is any indication.

Richard inhales a whiff of "Sexy Darling"

Things took a turn for the worse when Bianca called for volunteers to sing a Kylie tune. 12 year Alannah took to the stage and stunned everyone by actually knowing the words to "White Diamond". The little girl was adorable but the frenzied response was utterly ridiculous. She came back for an encore (and butchered "Cosmic"), was hounded by journalists for an interview, given the opportunity to be the first person to meet Kylie (ahead of the people who actually slept on the street for the honour) and was even invited to go backstage at Sunday's concert. It was all a bit cringe-worthy.

Killer heels

Thankfully, Kylie arrived before the Alannah show totally did my head in. It was kind of surreal to see her walk through Miss Shop in a designer gown on her way to the stage. I'm guessing it's been a long time since Kylie last wore a $10 t-shirt! This is the best I've seen Dannii's much older sister look in ages - great hair, hot dress and killer heels. I was just a bit shocked by how much weight she's lost since I saw her in London. I think those evil Colombians stole the suitcases with Kylie's food. South Americans!

Gorgeous

Kylie was then joined on stage for a quick interview with Richard Wilkins - surely the biggest waste of space in the entertainment industry. He asked a couple of inane questions about the tour and her perfume empire and Kylie gave her standard banal responses about being "overwhelmed" and "just so happy to be here". Yawn. The highlight for me was when a raucous fan demanded that Richard "get the fuck out of the way" so he could take some photos. I couldn't have said it better myself.

Yes, I know the tour edition is shit

The time came for Kylie to sign autographs and that devil child managed to steal the show again. Little Alannah burst into tears and Kylie dutifully comforted her before suggesting they sing a duet version of "White Diamond". I doubt Walt Disney could dream up anything this schmaltzy. It was great to hear Kylie sing live (even if it was mostly ruined by Alannah singing over the top of her) but I could have done without the Hallmark moment. Not surprisingly, the impromptu duet has already been all over the news (my favourite headline - "Kylie Makes 12 Year Old Girl Cry") and the internet. You can watch a report about it below. Warning: A sick bag may be necessary.

The highlight of the whole day was watching Kylie sign autographs. I know that sounds incredibly boring but I love the way she interacts with fans. I've been to so many signings where the artist in question hasn't even been bothered to look up but Kylie took the time to chat with everyone, gave people hugs and kisses and seemed grateful when someone gave her a present (ranging from flowers and chocolates to a designer dress!) And she's been like that for as long as I can remember. Kylie is genuinely nice. Just one of the reasons why so many of us are still in love with her after all these years. Bring on Sunday night!

My bottle of Kylie water!