Temporarily Closed

Dear friends and fellow pop trash addicts,

This will be my last post for a while. I'm going to follow in the glorious footsteps of Holidannii and head for the nearest beach/Ibiza stripclub. My original plan was to visit some friends in Europe for a couple of weeks but I've decided to extend my stay for at least three months, possibly longer. I can't wait to escape winter and catch as many trashy pop gigs as I can. I've already organised tickets for Kylie and Australia's other greatest living export - Kelly Wilde! I'll miss writing the blog but I will definitely be back and hopefully I'll have a suitcase full of Euro delights to share. I'd like to thank everyone for visiting this dive over the past year and half. Your comments and e-mails have been greatly appreciated. Please stay in touch!

All the best,

Mike

xxx

Shit I Like - Vol. 1

The title of this post is kind of self-explanatory! Quite a few people have been asking me for new music recommendations, so I thought I'd share some of my current favourites. I've tried to stick with songs that are available or soon to be available on iTunes but I couldn't help throwing in a couple of tacky gems. The list doesn't include acts I've recently written about, so don't forget to hunt down the latest anthems by CC Martini, Billiam, Tila Tequila, Robyn Loau and the holy mutant princess, Solange! The first pick of my list is Kylie's magnificent "The One" - a timely reminder that there is nothing wrong with Ms Minogue. This is perfect pop and the Freemasons Club Mix is 9 minutes of pure bliss. Sadly, plans for "The One" to be released as the 4th single from "X" have been scrapped - so anyone lucky enough to get their hands on the dildotastic promo should consider themselves very lucky!

Anyone in the mood for a dose atmospheric dance music need look no further than the Deadmau5 Remix of Morgan Page's "The Longest Road". This track has a sparse, organic feel that I love. The Radio Edit comes highly recommended and is available on Aus iTunes.

The next track is dedicated to Tommie, who turned me on the mind blowing delights of Norway's MiMiracle. This stunning diva will amaze you with her unique vocals and inability to keep her clothes on. I admit, the first time I heard "Show Me", I prayed for a mimiracle that the song would hurry up and end before my ears started to bleed. I take it all back. MiMiracle shows Robyn up as the boring Swedish cunt she really is. Fans of Scandipop have a new icon to worship! Check out the breathtaking video clip if you're not convinced. Masked intruders and MiMiracle's pendulous breasts make for hypnotic viewing! Unfortunately, "Show Me" is yet to hit iTunes. Boo!

Speaking of busty Norwegians, Linni Meister (probably best known for her destruction of "Survivor") has a new ditty that I've been meaning to write about for months. "Where My Limo At?" is just as classy as the title would suggest and you can download this nugget of pop gold from Aus iTunes. When is this fabulous bitch going to release an album?

Time for a change of pace. Judith Owen is best known for her sweet blend of Jazz and folk music but she occasionally mixes in the slightest touch of pop and the results are inevitably fabulous. I just fell in love with "Creatures Of Habit", it's so simple and beautiful - and Judith is seriously rocking the naughty headmistress look on the cover! Hear this amazing talent perform the song live here. "Creatures Of Habit" is available from Aus iTunes.

There's a reason why everyone's jumping on the Lady GaGa bandwagon - "Just Dance" is seriously fucking awesome. I'm very pleased to see the song steadily climbing the iTunes hot 100. "Just Dance" is one of few tracks that lives up to its hype. Possibly the year's best electro floorfiller.

The holy Queen of American pop just keeps on getting better! Seriously, Fergie can do no wrong as far as I'm concerned and her "Sex & The City" theme song is another trash classic. "Labels Or Love" displays the full extent of Fergie's amazing talent: hilarious lyrics, bad sampling and random comments about her incomparable hotness. "Labels Or Love" is currently gracing in the Australian top 20. I am proud.

I take back all the nasty things I said about The Veronicas. The twins haven't put a foot wrong with their latest album. The singles have all been amazing and "This Love" is no exception. I love their new softer, pop sound. It suits them wonderfully. Another well deserved top 10 hit for the girls.

"Fashion" is a new highwater mark for American pop music. End of. Bow down to the poptastic genius that is Heidi Montag!

I can't believe Enrique is still flogging his shiteous "Insomniac" album. "Can You Hear Me" was added as a bonus track in Europe to coincide with the song being chosen as the official theme to Euro 2008. I rather like it. This is a return to the poptastic goodness of "Hero". Check out the extremely gay Moto Blanco remixes, all available on iTunes.

Speaking of gayness, when did urban music get so fagtastic? Chris Brown's "Forever" is an example of everything that is right with R'n'B in 2008. Cheesy lyrics, synths and a dance beat. Seriously, Cher would turn up her nose at this tacky shit! I love it.

Here's something different. I haven't written much about country music on this blog but I actually am quite a fan. Admittedly 90% of the country albums in my collection were recorded by Dolly Parton but that's beside the point! I don't mind the occasional twangy guitar and The McClymonts are quickly becoming a favourite of mine. I guess you would describe them as Australia's Dixie Chicks only prettier and with a slight pop twist. "Finally Over Blue" is a great little tune. Give it a go!

I know it's a couple of months old but I'm still loving Vanessa Amorosi's Perfect. It's heart warming to see Australia's favourite lesbian back in the top 5 after spending all those years mending fences in the outback. I'm not very keen on her new album but "Perfect" sits nicely along side "Shine" and "Absolutely Everybody" as modern Australian pop classics.

Speaking of Ness Ness, her touring partner Michael Paynter has released a fairly decent song of his own. "Closer" was released months ago without making any impact at all but it's starting to make waves since being used in TV advertisement. I think Michael looks and sounds like Anthony Callea (with even gayer hair) but I still can't hate him. "Closer" is cute, catchy and uplifting in an annoying kind of way. I hope it takes off for him.

Fergie has been slumming with Japanese nobody Kumi Koda. I'm not a big fan of Kumi (she's no Ami Suzuki!) but I love "That Ain't Cool", probably because of Fergie's fabulous presence. The song was a #2 hit in Japan. I hope Fergie deletes Kumi from the song and releases it in Australia as the 107th single from "The Dutchess"!

I was critical of Jennifer Hudson's vocal performance on the "Dreamgirls" Soundtrack (basically she's not a patch on Jennifer Holliday) but her debut single "Spotlight" has been a guilty pleasure of mine for weeks. It's a relief to hear a diva actually sing instead of talk her way through a song and the understated production is really quite lovely. I hope this takes off for her, anything would be better than Jordin fucking Sparks.

Ok, this is cheating. "Say Goodbye To La La Land" is an album not a single but it's fresh to Aus iTunes and I just can't get enough of it. Sirens is one of my all time favourite girlbands and their funky new urban sound is scorching hot. My favourites include "Dreams", "Own Thing" and "Little Girl". This is definitely one of 2008's best pop albums. Very highly recommended!

I feel for Kelly Rowland. The sad bitch has spent her career standing in Beyonce's shadow, releasing whatever shit B has already turned down. She's like the poor man's Solange! Happily, 2008 has been kind to Kelly. "Work" turned out to be one of the year's best club anthems and the follow up "Daylight" isn't completely shit either. A cover of the Bobby Womack's classic, Kelly's version is a lot of fun - if you ignore the god awful rent-a-rapper. I suggest checking out the trashy Hex Hector club mix instead.

There must be some kind of a revolt going on in the Destiny's Child camp. First Kelly Rowland actually scores a hit and now Michelle Williams has gone and recorded what is hands down one of the best tracks of 2008. "We Break The Dawn" is one of those rare songs that just makes me feel happy when I hear it. I love the subject matter, the electro infused urban pop sound and Michelle's crazy dance moves in the video clip. If the curse of Beyonce doesn't strike Michelle dead in her tracks, this should be HUGE. On the Romanian club chart. "We Break The Dawn" isn't available on Aus iTunes yet but keep an eye out for it. It really is fantastic.

Robyn Loau's Malaria - The Review

A couple of weeks ago I wrote about the impending release of Robyn Loau's debut album - more than a decade after it was recorded! Well, the time has finally come. "Malaria - The Lost Album" hits iTunes tomorrow with a physical release to follow on the 14th of July. The album will also be released on a USB wristband, making Robyn one of the first Australian artists to take advantage of this exciting new technology (see pic below). Now that the decade long dramas surrounding the release of "Malaria" have finally been resolved, one question remains: Was it worth the wait? The answer is a resounding YES!
As much as I love "Malaria", I found it very difficult to review. It's hard enough to judge an album that was recorded 10 years ago but it's almost impossible to be objective about something you have anticipated listening to for more than a decade. I didn't want my unrealistic expectations to affect my enjoyment of the album, so I prepared myself to be letdown. I wasn't. "Malaria" is a stunning accomplishment from beginning to end. The writing is dynamic, Robyn's vocals are exquisite and the production is superb. Perhaps the biggest achievement, however, is how little "Malaria" has dated. The album holds up brilliantly against anything recorded in 2008. The songs sound as fresh today as they did in 1998, which is obviously a huge indication of their quality. Here are some my thoughts on the tracks:

1. Song 4 U

This sets the tone of the album perfectly with its intriguing blend of genres and beautifully detailed production. "Song 4 U" is a perfect chill out anthem, walking the line between trip-hop and jazz. Think Portishead on Valium! I love the little flourishes, like the quirky squeaking gate sound effects and Robyn's growls. A beautiful and disarming opening track.

2. Got That Kinda Feelin' (Float On) Directors Cut

"Got That Kinda Feelin' (Float On)" was the 3rd single from "Malaria" way back in 1998. I've always adored this song and could never understand why it was so shamefully overlooked on release. Everything about this anthem screams class, from the breathy layers of vocals to the clever sampling of The Floaters' 70s classic "Float On". If anything, "Got That Kinda Feelin' (Float On)" was probably too delicate and subtle for mainstream success. Make sure you check out the stylish video clip (below). This is probably my all time favourite Robyn track.

3. Sick With Love

Time hasn't robbed Robyn's solo debut and biggest hit of its edge. "Sick With Love" is still as raw, confronting and insanely catchy as it was the first time I heard it in 1997. This song brings back so many memories of my teenage years. As a huge Girlfriend fan, I still remember being shocked by Robyn's new sound and even slightly scared of the video clip! I'm no longer frightened of Gothic Robyn, just in awe of her talent. An Australian classic.

4. Love Addiction

The second single from "Malaria" was another stunning slice of homegrown pop. The opening strings give way to a beautifully understated hip hop beat, evoking memories of the fabulous Neneh Cherry. I honestly don't think Australia was ready for this in the 90s. Robyn was at least 10 years ahead of her time. The CD single includes a remix featuring EMF's James Aitken, which generated some buzz for Robyn in the UK at the time. I vastly prefer this version. Check out the funky video clip (below).

5. Cry

"Cry" was going to be the 4th single from the album but was never released despite a video clip being filmed. It's a crying shame - pardon the pun - because this stunning ballad could have been a huge hit. The orchestration is exquisite and Robyn's voice gives me shivers. Robyn should perform this song live more often, I had forgotten how utterly beautiful it is. The long sought after clip will finally be available on the "Malaria" USB.

6. Turn Away

After several mid-tempo tunes, Robyn channels her inner rock chick on "Turn Away". The lyrics are cute ("you spin me out with ya attitude!") and I love it when Robyn shows her wild side. The almost tribal breakdown towards the end is also an interesting touch. Very original and mysterious. Again, this could have been recorded in 2008.

7. People

One of the strangest tracks on the album with unusual percussion and vocal layering, "People" is also one of the few songs that I don't really love. The lyrics are obviously personal and I appreciate the message about gaining control of your life but this is a bit of mess to my ears. Robyn's voice gets lost in the madness and there's not much in the way of a chorus. An interesting experiment.

8. Suburbia

If I'm not mistaken, "Suburbia" was written for or inspired by Robyn's feature film debut as a Bottle-O bitch in "Idiot Box". The lyrics about disaffected youth clearly reflect the film's content and Robyn's character. I really like this song. It's very catchy and walks the fine line between having a message and preaching with fine skill. Robyn would return to this theme with the amazing Columbine shooting inspired dance anthem "Hard" almost ten years later.

9. Onion

Any song that begins with heavy breathing is usually OK with me. "Onion" is a laid back affair with crisp beats and some truly beautiful guitar work. I love the chorus - "you got me cryin' like an onion" says it all really. This wouldn't sound out of place next to recent recordings from Duffy or Adele (if either of those tarts possessed Robyn's vocal ability), the retro sound on display here isn't worlds apart. Quality.

10. Ziggy

"I already know, baby your IQ is low" has to be one of the best opening lines in musical history! This upbeat number begins with some random chanting and drum rolls before breaking into a perky little pop tune. It doesn't make a lot of sense but it sure is fun.

11. Just When I Needed You Most

"Malaria" closes with another inspired chill out anthem. "Just When I Needed You Most" is clearly inspired by the Bristol based trip-hop sound of the 90s (think Lamb and Portishead) without sounding derivative. It's intriguing to hear a local act dabble in such a specific sound with the confidence to bring their own ideas to the table. A fitting end to a great album.

Also includes:

12. Got That Kinda Feelin' (Float On) US Mix

13. Sick With Love (Josh G Abrahams Remix)

14. Love Addiction (Jungle Mix)[Featuring EMF's James Aitken]

I'm delighted that "Malaria" has finally seen the light of day but also quite sad that such a great album has been gathering dust for the past decade. No wonder the local industry is falling apart at the seems when something this extraordinary is binned in a record company merger. Fans of homegrown pop need "Malaria" in their collection.

Tila Tequila - Saviour Of Pop & Homosexuals

Shame on you, American bloggers! I find it completely unacceptable that every bitch with a blog has found the time to wax lyrical about the, admittedly manifold, talents of Heidi Montag while completely ignoring Tila Tequila's stunning musical output. Expect hate mail, D'Luv! I'm under the impression that Tila is bigger than Jesus in the States but she remains pretty much unknown in culture starved Australia. I knew of her classy existence thanks to websites like D-Listed but I only became aware of Tila's breathtaking musical talent thanks to an iTunes recommendation. The indignity! Needless to say, I was completely gobsmacked by this wonderful lady's grace and dignity. Shame on you all for not supporting Tila - particularly when she is singlehandedly responsible for legalising gay marriage in America!

For those still living under the veil of ignorance, our saviour first came to prominence as a Playboy model. Given her overwhelming charisma and undeniable star quality, it's no surprise that Tila eventually graced several reality TV shows. The most notable example being the bisexual dating show "A Shot At Love", which Tila claims changed America's views on homosexuality. Somebody hand this woman a Nobel Peace Prize! In addition to banishing homophobia from the face of the earth, this selfless humanitarian also found the time to be the most popular artist on Myspace and managed to launch a pop career. Tila's first single "I Love U" was a stunning urban jam with some of the classiest lyrics in recent memory. I love it but I'm more taken with her second single, "Stripper Friends". I wish I had stripper friends instead of hanging out with clinically depressed retail queens but I digress. The song is actually a cover version but I'm sure the original doesn't boast a blockbuster video clip (above) about lesbian strippers who can't seem to keep their hands off their male clientele! This shit is deep and the song is catchy in the extreme.

After the shamefully lacklustre response to "Stripper Friends", Tila would be forgiven for choosing to concentrate on her television career or humanitarian pursuits but you can't keep a good diva down. Ms Tequila returned with her third iTunes smash hit in April with the brilliant "Paralyze". This tune is a huge change of pace for Tila. An hypnotic mid-tempo groove with some seriously classy faux-Timbaland style production, "Paralyze" is a delicate and surprisingly lovely treat. The video (below) is another slut epic with Tila posing naked in the shower and cavorting with what appears to be a ghost. Who would have thought that American pop music would be saved by a bisexual Playboy model with a little help from the bad dancer from Destiny's Child and Beyonce's mutant sister? 2008 really is turning out to be a weird and surprisingly wonderful year for pop connoisseurs. All of Tila's sex anthems are available on Australian iTunes, so get downloading!

Millie Jackson - Back To The Shit

Ok, let's just get it out of the way. Millie Jackson's "Back To The Shit" is (sadly) remembered for one thing and one thing only. The notorious cover. As far as I'm concerned, the photograph of Millie squatting on the toilet in her finest evening wear should be hanging in the Louvre next to the Mona Lisa. This masterpiece is high art! My favourite thing is the expression on Millie's face. I can never tell if she's having an orgasm or about to squeeze one out! Unfortunately, not everyone shares my appreciation for the finer things in life. "Back To The Shit" is often cited as having the worst cover of all time, while the album itself basically killed Millie's career. Needless to say, it's always been a favourite of mine and I thought it was about time I honoured this holy opus on Pop Trash Addicts.

Millie Jackson was a consistent presence on the American R'n'B charts throughout the 70s and 80s, scoring several top 10 hits and receiving multiple Grammy nominations. That all came to a screeching halt, however, with the release of 1989's "Back To The Shit". The fabulous cover caused a scandal but it was the album's shocking subject matter that triggered the biggest backlash. Millie's gutter mouth and saucy lyrics had made her famous but the general consensus was that she had finally gone too far by talking about getting head from lesbians, dildos, morning flatulence, oral sex, douching and "starchy" toilet seats! Time has taken the edge off some of the material but "Back To The Shit" is still outrageous even by today's standards.

A live album comprised of equal parts stand up comedy and music, "Back To The Shit" is more than just a curiosity. It's a short trip to heaven for fans and a wonderful time capsule of late 80s pop culture. Millie J kicks off the show with a scorching rendition of her 1986 hit "Hot! Wild! Unrestricted! Crazy Love" before launching into the opening monologue "Getting To Know Me". Millie makes her intentions clear from the outset by lamenting her failed attempt to clean up her image (on the highly underrated "The Tide Is Turning") and sets the tone for the album by talking about being propositioned by lesbians ("I do like head, yes, but I'm a greedy bitch. I want something to go with it!") and dildos. That bombshell is followed by a beautiful performance of "An Imitation Of Love", one of Millie's loveliest ballads.

The second comedy routine, "Love Stinks", is an expletive filled exploration of the dark side of romance that covers insightful topics such as pissing on the seat (Millie's handy hint - cut up your wig and glue it around the toilet to improve your boyfriend's aim. Think about it!) and skid marks. The proceedings plummet to a breathtakingly fabulous new low when Millie turns her attention to women's bathroom habits on "Muffle That Fart". Ms Jackson goes where nobody has dared to go before or since by discussing her loud morning flatulence. Call it low brow if you wish, I just find it piss your pants hilarious! "I'm Waiting Baby" is something akin to musical comedy with Millie singing about being stood up at a hotel. It's cute but completely overshadowed by the next track, a stunning cover of The Shirelles' "Will You Love Me Tomorrow". Everyone from Amy Winehouse to Laura Branigan has interpreted this classic but Millie's is the only version that stands toe to toe with the original.

"Investigative Reporting" has to be heard to be believed. Millie talks about a very memorable episode of Oprah (involving a woman whose vagina was sown shut by her ex-husband) and tears strips off Robin Givens. It comes as something of a relief when Millie returns her focus to singing and belts out her fabulous top 10 hit "Love Is A Dangerous Game". The song proves to be a short respite from the filth when this fabulous bitch turns her attention to AIDS and safe sex on "Sho Nuff Danjus". In my opinion, they should play this at the beginning of every school assembly. Millie even impersonates Dr Ruth while instructing the audience on how to use a condom. My favourite quip: "Pretend you're Diana Ross, reach out and touch the dick!" I'm sure Miss Ross was not amused! "Sho Nuff Danjus" proves a fitting end to an outrageous but always entertaining evening with one of music's most colourful and captivating characters.

"Back To The Shit" has been out of print for years and was only released on CD in Japan. It's worth looking for a copy on Ebay. "Back To The Shit" occasionally pops up but can be quite expensive.

My Audrey Landers Obsession

I've spent quite a bit of time re-reading my old posts over the past few days and, if I'm completely honest, I vastly prefer them to most of the shit I've been churning out lately. It's hard to pinpoint the difference but I think somewhere along the way I started showcasing acts that I thought people would enjoy reading about instead of simply worshipping my beloved Z grade divas. As a result, there are several glaring omissions in my archives - one of which I'm hoping to rectify with today's post. I'm really quite ashamed I have yet to mention one lady in particular over the year and a half I've been writing this blog. I'm referring to the legendary Audrey Landers, one of my all time favourite divas and an enduring trash icon of the highest order.

Audrey Landers is probably best known as the glamorous lounge singer from the 1980s super-soap "Dallas". I vaguely remember being enamoured by Audrey's character as a child but I became completely besotted by her when the series was released on DVD a few years ago. Those fabulous 80s fashions, that big hair and most importantly, the completely random ballads that Audrey would belt out almost every episode. There was just something so utterly captivating about Audrey's beautiful voice. I had to learn more about this stunning goddess and quickly discovered trash credentials that would make La Toya blush. Audrey has done it all - starred in Z grade movies, posed for Playboy (with her sister no less!), released more amazing flop albums than Dannii, recorded duets with her 11 year old son and carved out a niche singing Christmas carols on German TV! It would take a week to explore all of Audrey's astonishing achievements, so I'll concentrate on a few of the many highlights.

Appearing in "Dallas" turned Ms Landers into an overnight sensation and it wasn't long before record producers started knocking at her door. Audrey released her first album in 1983 and it proved to be a huge success in Europe on the back of the smash hit single "Manuel Goodbye" (above). A sweet ditty about the end of a holiday romance, the song reached the top 10 in Germany and remains Audrey's signature tune to this very day. "Manuel Goodbye" was followed by the fabulously overwrought ballad "Little River", which tried to cash in on the country music Audrey performed on "Dallas". It might have been a bigger success without the unintentionally hilarious lyrics about drowning children. Audrey returned to her beloved holiday theme for her next single and scored another hit with the relentlessly cheerful and gloriously camp "Playa Blanca". Make sure you watch Audrey perform the song on German TV (below). Mesmerising!!

Realising she was onto a winning combination, Audrey spent most of the 1980s singing about exotic holiday destinations - proving herself to be one of pop music's true iconoclasts in the process! Some of my favourites include "Santo Domingo", "Summernight In Rome", "Honeymoon In Trinidad", "Guantanamera", "Tennessee Nights", "Hideaway Havana", "Santa California", "Chinatown Is In New York", "Sun Of Jamaica" and the unforgettable "Haiti Cherie". No diva in pop history has been better travelled! Sadly, by the late 1980s Audrey's star had started to wane but she carried on regardless, releasing a string of relatively unsuccessful albums in Germany and Austria. They might not have set the charts on fire but "Paradise Generation" and "Secrets" remain two of my favourite pop albums. Audrey had begun to experiment with her sound, mixing synths and keyboards with her beloved Latin rhythms and tender ballads. Favourites from this period include the blissfully ridiculous "Bella Italia" (music does not get any more camp!), "Silverbird" and the stunning "Never Wanna Dance (When I'm Blue)".

Audrey briefly returned to the spotlight in 1990 with the release of the remarkable "Love Me Tender" (also known as "My Dreams For You"). The album delivered the delightful reggae flavoured single "Sun Of Jamaica" as well as a popular cover of ABBA's "Fernando" - a song that Audrey seemed destined to sing given her penchant for Latin romance. Further highlights include the poptastic single "Shine A Light" and the beautiful ballad "For The Rest Of My Life". However, the true gem is the gorgeous "Shadows Of Love". This catchy pop anthem hasn't lost any of its sparkle - the chorus is addictive, the punchy production holds up well and Audrey's voice has never sounded lovelier.

Audrey followed "Love Me Tender" with "Rendez Vous" in 1991 but the album generally lacks the appeal of its predecessor. While not Audrey's finest moment, "Rendez Vous" does offer several fabulous treats. The singles "Santa Maria Goodbye" (above)and "Monte Carlo" are well worth a listen, while "Ballerina" remains one of my favourite guilty pleasures. An hysterical ballad about a porcelain ballerina that comes alive at night, this sublime trash borders on genius! After "Rendez Vous", Audrey disappeared from the music scene for 14 years to raise children and work in television. She made a comeback with a German language album in 2005 (containing the infamous duet with her 11 year old son) and followed that with another dose of German Schlager in 2006. Audrey continues to perform regularly on German TV and recently appeared on the American television series "Burn Notice". The years have been very kind to Audrey. She is still a vision of loveliness and her voice has only improved with age. Hopefully, the success of her nieces (the tragifabulous girlband 2 Girlz) will inspire her to release another English language pop album. The world needs more sun filled tunes about life, love and fabulous holiday destinations!

Bow Down To Billiam

My prayers have finally been answered. Britain's trashiest boyband has returned to revolutionise the music world with another scintillating pop classic! "My Generation" is a perfect example of the fabulous crap Billiam is (not that) famous for. A hands in the air chorus, meaningless lyrics, gloriously cheesy production courtesy of ex-PWL programmer Ian Curnow and a video clip (below) that makes Kylie's "All I See" look like Ben Hur in comparison. All we need is another nude photoshoot! That's not to suggest that the Billiam boys are resting on their laurels and serving up the same old shit. There has been a line up change and their sound is slightly less tragic this time around. "My Generation" actually sounds like it could have been recorded this decade! Happily, the highly recommended Sleazesisters Mix is the slice of pure trash heaven that I have come to expect from the UK's greatest living band. You'll find that remix, along with 29 - yes, TWENTY NINE - other remixes on Australian iTunes! Excitingly, the song looks set to debut in the UK top 30 on Monday.

ATTENTION Take That. You are a pack of boring, old cunts with bad hair and double chins. It's time to step aside for Billiam before you send yet another defenceless granny into a sugar coma with your shitty ballads and dreary mid-tempo jams. I thank you.