Does anyone else remember the amazing pop star/award winning actress that is Willa Ford? In 2001 at the height of Britney mania every bitch with a record deal was scrambling for a piece of the teen pop pie. Most of the clones were as shit as Britney but two stood out from the crowd - Christina Aguilera and Willa Ford. The former because she could actually sing and the latter because, well, she was just plain fierce. While Britney harped on about her non-existent virginity, Willa took the music world by storm with her US hit "I Wanna Be Bad" (also a #52 smash in Australia). That song set Willa up as the edgy teen queen and I was convinced that pop superstardom would follow. It didn't. Her fabulous debut "Willa Was Here" failed to produce any further hits and her sophomore album was scrapped despite containing perhaps the defining song of the decade - the iconic "A Toast To Men (Fuck The Men)". After that, Willa turned to acting and has notched up starring roles in classy fare like "Anna Nicole Smith - The Movie" and the recent re-make of "Friday The 13th".
Until recently, I thought Willa had completely turned her back on music. Then I discovered Willa Mania (think Dannii's Dirty Box only better) and was fascinated to read about "Who I Am" - a track that Willa wrote with Toby Gad. It seems that Toby pulled an "If I Were A Boy" on poor Willa and gave her track to aging German dance Queen Sandra Cretu. When Sandra's version surfaced, Willa decided to leak hers in order to prove it was better! I actually like Sandra but her interpretation is god awful and sounds completely embarrassing in comparison to Willa's original. The tragedy is that "Who I Am" is one of the best tracks I've heard all year - not to mention one of the best coming out anthems of all time. Check out these lyrics:
I'm sorry to disappoint you Do you still love me? And I am still your baby Don't disown me A woman's supposed to love a man And I've tried the best I can But this is not who I am
How fucking amazing is that? Willa should forget about Sandra jackin' her swagga and release this herself. Every gay club from Sydney to San Francisco would spin this anthem on high rotation and I'm sure the lyrics would touch a lot of people. Seeing as Willa's version isn't on youtube, I took it upon myself to make a clip (below). Please be kind because this is my first attempt at making a video and the result leaves a lot to be desired. However, I am proud of the special effects starting at 1:50 mins! Enjoy.
A couple of weeks ago a bunch of bloggers were asked to submit a question to the Sugababes, which they would then address in a video. I never thought they would answer my insightful query ("Is Mutya the realest girl in pop?") and as it turns out, they didn't. They did, however, respond to my plea for tips on getting sexy! I've been getting a lot of less than subtle hints lately ("you should grow your hair, then we can style it" and "that cardigan has to go"), so I thought I would turn to the sexperts for help. And the Babes came through! I swear Keisha needs her own talk show. She rambles on about being confident despite your bodyshape (did someone send her my high school photos?) and suggests buying a nice perfume. Oprah has nothing on this diva! Amelle then talks about dressing down and getting your hair done, while Heidi preaches healthy living. It's all completely riveting and absolutely adorable but my favourite part? When Amelle says "you're watching Pop Trash Addicts". I nearly cried!
The Sugababes' amazing new single and recent Pop Panel champion "Get Sexy" is released in the UK this week. Download it now from iTunes or order the physical single from Amazon or HMV. Also, make sure you check out the Babes' fabulous response to Chart Rigger's classy question!
There must be something in the air because a bunch of my favourite 80s divas are emerging from the pop wilderness to kick the pretenders to the curb. It started with La Toya unveiling her first video clip since 1987 and now the legendary Stacey Q has followed suit by unleashing her first new single in over a decade. You just know Toni Basil and Yazz are waiting in the wings taking notes! To be honest, I was a bit nervous about Stacey's comeback. The last time I heard from her (in the mid-90s) she had just released an album of folk music after discovering Buddhism. That was an interesting detour to say the least but I'm happy to report that Miss Q has returned to her roots by delivering a brilliant dance anthem called "Trip".
I'm actually quite shocked by how good the track is. "Trip" is modern without sounding desperate (hello Madonna!) and stands toe to toe with Stacey Q classics like "Two Of Hearts" and "We Connect". In fact, it wouldn't sound out of place on her 1986 masterpiece "Better Than Heaven". The lyrics are suitably fluffy, Jon St. James' production is just as endearing as it was in the 80s and the diva's floaty vocals are prettier than ever. To learn more about the year's most fabulous comeback, check out Bomitoni's brilliant interview with Stacey over at Milk Carton Pop Stars. He even kindly requests the dance icon's services on the Pop Panel! Needless to say, I would die. Oh and make sure you support pop music's hottest cougar by purchasing "Trip" has from Stacey Q Online or Perfect Beat. It's being released as a physical single in the US and comes with remixes and an exclusive B-side. Check out a preview below. I can't wait for my copy to finally arrive!
A friend sent me a text in the early hours of the morning to say that La Toya's comeback video had finally been unveiled and I rushed out of bed like a child at Christmas to check out what I assumed would be the greatest achievement in filmmaking since Citizen Kane. "Home" is absolutely adorable and I love it to bits but I hope I'm not cast out of the Church of La Toya for admitting that I'm ever so slightly underwhelmed.
Don't get me wrong. The video is a syrupy sweet delight and showcases the Pope of Pop's stunning beauty to startling effect. If nothing else, Toy has officially reclaimed her throne as the sexiest woman alive. I can't believe how youthful and luminous she looks. They have seriously reverse engineered her nose or broken new ground in CGI technology because Toy Toy's precious beak is nowhere to be seen. I also think the video is beautifully filmed and surprisingly tasteful. I was slightly concerned that Jeffre would run around in sheet to symbolise Michael's ghost but he was obviously too busy watching re-runs of Dante's Cove. The location is utterly gorgeous and the melancholy mood suits the lyrics perfectly. My favourite scenes are when Toy pokes her head into the cubby house at approximately 2:05 minutes and the fierce headshake at 3:35 minutes. Somebody make me an avatar! All in all, La Toya really outdid herself - so why am I ever so slightly disappointed?
I guess my expectations were just unrealistic. This is Toy Toy's first film clip in twenty two long years, so I thought she would really bring it. To a certain extent she has but I could have done without all the footage of that little girl playing on a swing and blowing bubbles. Toy has only released four music videos in her 30 year career - I wanted the focus to be on her. I'm also not sure I can handle the Dutchess of Dance's classy new image. Where is the shamelessness? Where is the desperation? Where is her sailor's hat? I hope La Toya doesn't instruct her Psychic Friends to curse me because I really do love the video. It just made me work a bit harder for my toygasm than usual. Anyway, lucky bitches in the US and UK can download the video from iTunes now. The rest of us will have to wait.
A lot of people are going to think the Panel has well and truly jumped the shark this week but I prefer to think of it as quality finally winning out over mediocrity. The latest champ is clearly our classiest Single Of The Week yet. It's good to see true talent and artistry finally being rewarded! Unfortunately, I can't say much about the rest of the entries. I think there are a couple of worthy tunes but it's fair to say the pickings were fairly slim - particularly after last week's bumper crop of pop gems. It seems the only thing we could all agree on is the fact that the majority of the songs are pretty shit. This week's Panel is comprised of the following usual suspects:
Nasty G's blog remains the place to visit for rare and out of print guilty pleasures and has already graced us with his presence in the past. Blake, on the other hand, is a newcomer to the Panel. His quirky blog focuses on depressing singer-songwriters but he also has a passion for pure pop and works in the music industry. Maybe he can help get our winner a local record deal!
As usual, the results are ranked from lowest to highest.
Scandipop's cheesiest performers join forces on this collaboration.
Blake: A little too smooth for Eurovision, a little too shite for radio. I think I am a little too sober to appreciate the finery of this track. Give me a few hours and I might up the score. 2/5 D'Luv: Every time I jack off into the sink, it starts off decent enough, but ultimately ends in a lackluster climax that never really reaches its full potential. That's how I feel about BWO. 3/5 Mike: Like every other single BWO has ever released, this is complete and utter shit. Poor Velvet, she's not only hit the bottom of the barrel but crashed right through it. 0/5 Nasty G: OK, so I may have to surrender my gay card, but I have tried in vain to get into this group (and their truly abysmal precursor Vacuum *shudders*). THIS is the phoenix that arose from the flagrant flames of Army Of Lovers? They're like Alcazar without the primordial pussy. Oh wait, I'm wrong, Velvet is in this too. Barely. Left there left later. 2/5 Paul: Love, love, love BWO. One of the best pop groups of the past 5 years, up there with McFly and Girls Aloud (and Same Difference). The addition of Velvet and a gentle remix probably makes it more radio friendly for the UK than the album version and it doesn't lose any of the charm. Brillo. 4/5 Tommie: Oh look - Sweden's most dire group returns to flop yet again and this time they're taking Velvet down with them! I'm sure Alexander Bard will continue to lie his ass off in Swedish media about how big they are in the UK when they get their third #69 "hit". 0/5 Total: 11/30
The Saturdays unveil the lead single from their second album.
Blake: I've heard a lot about these lasses without ever being compelled to listen to them. This track doesn't really change that, but their voices are strong and chorus suitably climatic. I wish it made my brain explode just a tiny bit more though. I also can't quite shake the feeling it is an inferior "When Love Takes Over". 3/5 D'Luv: Lametards shot glitter out of their panties over Jordin Sparks' "Battlefield" when they should have saved the enthusiasm for this dark jam. Forever has only just begun for these five broads! 4/5 Mike: Did Nasty G just imply that Girls Aloud have charisma? Computer says hell no! As for The Saturdays - when did they become so... dull and boring? This makes their stripper anthem "Work" sound like a Grammy award winning masterpiece. 0/5 Nasty G: Hooray, they're back! Um, when did they go away exactly? Nice enough tune, though somewhat reminiscent of something Jordin Sparks would reject, on account of her apparent aversion to shaking her fat ass. But I do fancy these jailbait-Girls-Aloud-minus-charisma. 3/5 Paul: I am so beyond disappointed with this single. It's not even that it's bad, it's just what has been threatening the Sats career from day one - a distinct lack of definition and personality. Part "Battlefield", part Anastacia, wholly disappointing. And I absolutely did and still do want to love this but to use the vastly over used saying, epic fail all round 1.5/5 Tommie: The ShaTURDays are back with a Kelly Clarkson reject! Yawn. I guess they are better than Girls'R'Foul though. 1/5 Total: 12.5/30
This popular German diva has obviously been listening to "The Fame". A lot.
Blake: Fighting the urge to comment on that hideous purple hat, I'll instead just make mention that this track doesn't really... go anywhere. I do respect her sassy head movements in the clip, though. 1/5 D'Luv: There's only one reason Linda should be opening her mouth. And it ain't singing. 0/5 Mike: Poor Linda looks like she's been styled by a blind tranny with a passion for shopping at Supre but this Lady GaGa rip off is irritatingly catchy. More cheap and cheerful trash of this "calibre" and Linda could have a new australian fan. 3.5/5 Nasty G: In terms of German singers, Sarah Connor has her beat by a nose. Literally. Though it's fun pop, the title should be "Reprogram My Song", as we've heard this before, even from the handsome Ms. Connor. But compared to the rest of the drivel in this week's panel, this is a standout, much like Sarah Connor's proboscis. 3.5/5 Paul: God, I want to give her zero just for ripping off Lady Cuckoo. It's clearly the personality and annoyingness of the Cuckoo that puts me off "The Fame" as I've come to accept "Evacuate The Dancefloor" and "Silly Boy". This really isn't any different but not any better, so it gets a middling 2.5/5. Tommie: And here I was thinking Lady GaGa looked like a tranny! The song is alright, but there's about a thousand other similar songs out there today that do the job better. 2/5 Total: 12.5/30
This super classy American electro outfit have "scored" a Paradiso Girl to star in their clip. How A-list!
Blake: Eh? I'm not entirely sure if I am supposed to dig this or not. I'll go with not. 1/5 D'Luv: Yeah, I know these two are uncle and nephew, but they need to just boink already. This songs has been getting considerable airplay in L.A. for the past few months. It's just okay. 2.5/5 Mike: Since when is it ok for straight men to team a pink t-shirt with leopard skin print leggings? I know trannies who would draw the line at that ensemble! Americans usually get electro all wrong but this is fun. 3/5 Nasty G: So, I hated this group on sight but inexplicably downloaded their album anyway. Don't hate me when I say I dig it. It's cheap and easy, but then, so am I. More importantly, lovely Chelsea from the Paradiso Girls is in the vid. Sister gets around more than Clay Aiken in a public restroom. I am so glad that she lost the Pussycat Dolls gig, or otherwise she wouldn't be available to dance feebly in bad clothes and do little else in high class vids such as this! Take that, Asia! 3/5 Paul: Dreadful. 0/5 Tommie: I loathe the name "LMFAO" - in fact, I think internet abbreviations should be banned from pop music. Period. But there's no denying that this is an annoyingly catchy tune and I can overlook their crap name for this song at least. 3/5 Total: 12.5/30 Agent X ft. Mutya & Ultra - Falling (Above)
The only Sugababe (past or present) worth mentioning returns to put Amelle in check!
Blake: Sadly, it appears she is still floundering without Siobhan. I appreciated her track with Groove Armada (mainly because it taught me how to pronounce her name) but this is terribly pedestrian. She needs to drive a little more erratic. 1/5 D'Luv: Mutya hasn't been good since Groove Armada rode her hard and threw her in a dumpster. 0/5 Mike: The realest girl in UK pop is back - albeit with a strange garage anthem straight outta 1997. I hated this the first time I heard it but "Falling" is strangely hypnotic. Mutya is probably using her crazy voodoo powers on us. A grower not a shower. 4/5 Nasty G: Ugh. Is UK garage seriously making a comeback? Why didn't anyone tell Misteeq's Su-Elise? Surely she would have added SOMETHING to this song (and could use the work). It's hard to make mutty Mutya boring, but Agent X and their gay little sidekick Ultra have managed. Watch out Ms. M. More of this and Amelle is definitely my number one. 2.5/5 Paul: I'm still waiting for Mutya to hit the world with the massive pop career I know she can have. Teaming up on a generic club banger really isn't the way to go, although she still looks entirely fierce and still gives the impression she could rip off your head and shit down your neck soon as look at you. So I'll add a point on to avoid her wrath. 2/5 Tommie: The UK Queen of Real is back and better than ever! I love that she's paying homage to when the Sugashits were good by sampling "One Foot In". 4/5 Total: 13.5/30
James DeBarge's ho daughter follows her US top 20 hit "Goodbye" with this slut jam.
Blake: Good voice - some great rich tones. I dig that. The piano backing to this track is quite nifty too and I like how it kicks into the chorus. She is no Jessica Mauboy, but it is solid. 3/5 D'Luv: Kristinia takes boring to whole new levels. Hopefully she at least gives somewhat exciting head. 2/5 Mike: Yawn. I don't mind this, it's just been done before (and a lot better) by Jessica Mauboy. Kristinia should cover "Rhythm Of The Night". She wishes she was one tenth as fierce as her father. 2/5 Nasty G: All of the right elements are here – blandly pretty girl, minimal vocal talent, weak dance beat, bad dance moves and Sam Fox's "Touch Me" -era wardrobe. So why am I unmoved? I think it's because I know that her auntie, the severely underrated Bunny, had the same qualifications but would have rocked this so much harder. Look out Toy, cause Bunny's ready for a comeback. Mark my words, bitches! 2.5/5 Paul: While I love a good ho as much as the next red blooded male, this doesn't really stoke my fires. In fact I'm grossly disappointed that she has failed to get a rise out of me with this tune. I'm obviously not as trashtastic as I once thought I was. 2/5 Tommie: Dear Whoever-Is-In-Charge, can we please stop pretending that Kristinia can a) dance or b) play the piano? Otherwise a decent pop tune. 3/5 Total: 14.5/30
Despite flopping with this in Australia last year, The Temper Trap are currently celebrating an unexpected UK top 40 hit with their hyped debut single.
Blake: Aussie lads poised to take over the world? A lot of work (read: money) has gone into these boys, and I do like their smooth sounds. I wish this song had a bit more guts and a bit more to make it stand out from the standard post-indie-pop smattering that is currently throbbing worldwide. Maybe the next single will be the one. 2/5 D'Luv: If I did drugs, this would be astounding. Alas... 2/5 Mike: I've had "Sweet Disposition" on high rotation for the best part of a year and I still love it as much as the first time I head it. Dougy's voice is amazing, the lyrics cut straight through me and the atmospsheric soundscape is beautiful. The perfect soundtrack to semi-sexy times! 5/5 Nasty G: What have we here? An Asian singer in a non-Asian band? Is that legal? Well, I say brava! But that still doesn't make this any more than a subpar attempt at mimicking MGMT, like approximately 5,000 other bands at the moment. I should like it, but I say meh. 2/5 Paul: I sat for a couple of minutes twiddling my thumbs while I was waiting for this to start, and then I realised it had started and was actually quite good. I love it when someone sneaks up and takes you by surprise from behind. It's very pleasant indeed when that happens. So hurrah for the Temps. 3.5/5 Tommie: I actually like the backing track, but the vocals are quite jarring. 2/5 Total: 16.5/30
The Queen of American pop finally releases "Body Language" complete with a stunning rap courtesy of husband Spencer.
Blake: I liked this a lot more than I thought I would. Sure, part of me wished it was sung by Holly Valance - but this gal will do nicely in the interim. I'm not quite sure what the deal is with the white-boy rap, though? 4/5 D'Luv: I want to point out that The Saturdays already rocked this Yaz sample last year. And I want to rail against Heidi's thin warble. But... can't... stop... listening! The classiest jam in all of Heidi's stunning catalog thus far. 3/5 Mike: Fuck single of the week - this is in the running for single of the year! I've been ranting about Heidi's stunning musical ability for ages but everyone thinks I'm joking. She is media whoring filth of the lowest common denominator but her music is better than Britney, Robyn and Annie combined. Fact! 5/5 Nasty G: Oops, I just jizzed on my keyboard! Finally! Though I applaud that the song itself recycles Paris Hilton's unretouched vocals and a very tired Yaz sample, I must acknowledge her sensational Miss Universe performance of this, where she dutifully reused Britney’s old wardrobe, Lene Alexandra's stellar dance moves and a blow-up doll's hair. How apropos that she chose Miss Universe for her live debut, since that's what she'll be ruling with her obvious talents. 5/5 Paul: Apparently according to her fugly husband, she has inherited the spirit of Michael Jackson and is going to be the next massive worldwide popstar. Probably not, to be fair, but this isn't an entire disaster. It's a bit Kylie, a bit Cathy Dennis and a bit shit (the rap is dreadful and hilarious at the same time) so it goes from cheese meets cool pop to novelty record within about 2 mins. But always entertaining. 3.5/5 Tommie: Queen Montag über alles. 5/5 Total: 25.5/30
I've been feeling so miserable today, dealing with various dramas but someone up above has obviously taken pity on me and decided to bring a little sunshine back into my life in the form of new music from Kylie and the first preview of Goddess Toy's stunning comeback "Home". I can't believe I'm being treated to new stuff from my two favourite divas in the one day. It feels like Christmas!
I guess I should start with Kylie because unlike Toy, her song hasn't been around since 2006. Most of you will probably remember that Kylie was recently hired to record music for the most expensive Bollywood movie in history and the fruits of her fabulous labour have finally hit Youtube. I can't believe how trashtastic "Chiggy Wiggy" is! The song is so much fun. I love it when Kylie gets a bit kooky on us (see her Wiggles duet for starters) and this Indian flavoured toe tapper is about as weird as it gets. The production is beautiful and I love the trashy chorus - I wanna chiggy wiggy wit choo boy! That's not even mentioning the brilliant video clip. My girl looks amazing and probably dances more in these one and a half minutes than she has in the past ten years. The outfit and dance moves are very Beyoncé but Kylie pulls it off. I love the look on her face when Akshay arrives on the big chandelier. It's the best acting she's done since "Biodome"! I can't wait to see this in full and really hope it gets a worldwide release. I honestly believe it's catchy enough to become a novelty hit.
Moving on now to the Dutchess of Dance. Toy Toy has just unveiled a preview of her "Home" video clip and it looks suitably classy. I'm slightly disappointed that she's not at least holding a framed photo of Michael but the layers of vaseline on the camera lens more than make up for it. La Toya looks absolutely phenomenal. I can't believe she's older than Madonna - Toy could honestly pass for one of her adopted Malawi babies! My favourite part of the preview is when our queen walks along holding the candle. She looks like a supermodel and her diva strut puts Miss J to shame. I just wish she didn't look so damn happy. This is supposed to be a dedication to her dead brother not "Sexual Feeling - The Sequel"! Toy works in mysterious ways, so I guess all will be revealed when the clip debuts on the 1st of September. I can hardly wait.
You do not understand how much it pains me to write something complementary about Lily Allen. I'd rather listen to Delta Goodrem's entire back catalogue on repeat than say anything nice about this dirty slag! The bitterness and rage that Katy Perry inspires in some gays pretty much describes how I feel about Lily. I hate her music, I hate her disingenuity and I particularly hate those saggy, cow udder breasts she flashes at every available opportunity. She just strikes me as the ultimate 'right place, right time' phenomenon. If Lily didn't have a famous father, I'm sure she'd still be dealing ecstasy in Ibiza right now (which doesn't strike me as such a bad fate, when I think about it) but then we'd never get the surprisingly fantastic "22".
Occasionally you hear a song and think that person gets me. Well, when I first heard "22" I thought Lily Allen had broken into my room and riffled through my diary. In fact, I wouldn't put it past that thieving bitch but there are no lyrics about La Toya - so I'm willing to give her the benefit of the doubt. It's not the first time I've felt like this. Shelley Harland's entire album evokes a similar response from me but sharing thoughts and emotions with Lily Allen? Am I that common? The answer, it seems, is yes. If you changed the gender and played around with the ages a bit this song could have been written about me. "22" perfectly sums up the emotional whirlwind of your late 20s, of feeling like you're not on track and thinking you really should have more to show for your (almost) three decades on planet earth. Oh and there's a catchy beat, whimsical production and a rather cool video (below). I'll put the first two down to Greg Kurstin and the third down to good luck.
Lily, you may have thwarted my hateration for the moment but I'll be back!
When she was 22 the future looked bright But she's nearly 30 now and she's out every night I see that look in her face she's got that look in her eye She's thinking how did I get here and wondering why
It's sad but it's true how society says Her life is already over There's nothing to do and there's nothing to say Til the man of her dreams comes along picks her up and puts her over his shoulder It seems so unlikely in this day and age
She's got an alright job but it's not a career Whenever she thinks about it, it brings her to tears Cause all she wants is aboyfriend She gets one-night stands She's thinking how did I get here I'm doing all that I can
Does anyone else remember the amazing pop star/award winning actress that is Willa Ford? In 2001 at the height of Britney mania every bitch with a record deal was scrambling for a piece of the teen pop pie. Most of the clones were as shit as Britney but two stood out from the crowd - Christina Aguilera and Willa Ford. The former because she could actually sing and the latter because, well, she was just plain fierce. While Britney harped on about her non-existent virginity, Willa took the music world by storm with her US hit "I Wanna Be Bad" (also a #52 smash in Australia). That song set Willa up as the edgy teen queen and I was convinced that pop superstardom would follow. It didn't. Her fabulous debut "Willa Was Here" failed to produce any further hits and her sophomore album was scrapped despite containing perhaps the defining song of the decade - the iconic "A Toast To Men (Fuck The Men)". After that, Willa turned to acting and has notched up starring roles in classy fare like "Anna Nicole Smith - The Movie" and the recent re-make of "Friday The 13th".
