Sheena Easton - A Private Heaven

Every now and again someone will ask me to name my ten favourite albums of all time. Over the years the list has changed radically (the brief inclusion of Holly Valance's "State Of Mind" was a memorable miscalculation) but a handful of discs make a regular appearance. If I knew I was going to be stranded on a deserted island for a year, I would definitely take Olivia Newton-John's "Totally Hot", Dannii's "Neon Nights", La Toya's "Heart Don't Lie" and Kylie's "Light Years" - along with as much food and porn as I could possibly carry! I would also pack my cherished copy of Sheena Easton's 1984 masterpiece "A Private Heaven". It pains me that Sheena will forever be remembered as the "Morning Train" girl. As great as that song is, there was and is so much more to this amazing Scottish diva. I love Sheena's early material but "A Private Heaven" took things to an entirely new level.

The seeds for "A Private Heaven" can be traced back to Sheena's hugely underrated 1983 album "Best Kept Secret", which updated her output from ballad heavy soft rock to more contemporary uptempo pop. That album not only revived Sheena's career in the US (it became a Gold selling top 40 hit) but also introduced her to producer Greg Mathieson, who would again take the reigns on "A Private Heaven". Chances are if a song was camp, fabulous and released in the 1980s - Greg had something to do with it. Toni Basil's "Mickey" and Laura Branigan's "Gloria" are just two of his contributions to popular music. While "Best Kept Secret" subtly modernised Sheena's sound, "A Private Heaven" offered a complete transformation. The pretty girl next door emerged as a sex siren complete with an impressive arsenal of edgy dance-pop anthems. The album was an instant hit in America where it sold over a million copies and spawned three popular singles. Inexplicably, "A Private Heaven" failed to chart in the UK and stalled at #88 in Australia. Perhaps the mix of synth-pop and melodic R'n'B was simply too American for the international market but I suspect the real culprit was the album's controversial lyrics - but I'll get to that later. Whatever the reason, the rest of the world missed out on one the best pop recordings of all time. Here is my track by track review:

Strut

The album's opening track doubles as a declaration of intent. "Strut" is a winning mix of driving beats and suggestive lyrics that still sounds vibrant today. The song perfectly showcased Sheena's new found confidence and attitude. The production was cutting edge and the kinky lines about wearing "leather and lace" and "feeling like a girl for hire" must have raised eyebrows back in the day. This was a completely transformed woman. Written by Julian Littman and 70s pop star Charlie Dore (who would go on to pen tunes for Celine Dion and German girlband No Angels), "Strut" earned Ms Easton a Grammy nomination for best pop/rock vocal performance and became one of her biggest hits - peaking at #7 in America and reaching the Australian top 20. Watch the video (above). No one works the camera quite like Sheena!

Sugar Walls

If "A Private Heaven" is remembered at all today it is usually for housing the Prince penned trash classic "Sugar Walls", which imbued the album with an air of notoriety that lingers to this very day. With amazing lyrics like "blood races to your private spots" and "come spend the night inside my sugar walls", it's pretty clear that this tune isn't referring to a gingerbread house! I doubt a mainstream diva would even get away with this kind of sauciness today (take, for example, the controversy surrounding Britney's comparatively prudish "If You Seek Amy") but the track caused a major scandal at the time. "Sugar Walls" became one of the few songs to be banned from MTV for lyrical content and was even included on Tipper Gore's "Filthy Fifteen" - a list of songs considered to be indecent and morally reprehensible. The media backlash did little to curb the song's popularity and it followed "Strut" into the American top 20, becoming something of a pop culture phenomenon. The controversy had a greater impact internationally, however, where the song failed to chart in just about every market. Despite the dodgy innuendo, "Sugar Walls" is an absolutely magnificent pop song. Admittedly the lyrics are highly dubious (and very amusing) but the production is unbelievably tight and the chorus is pure magic. Prince was at the height of his powers when he wrote this and Sheena was the perfect muse. They would go on to work together again many times but this is by far their finest achievement and remains a true 80s classic. Check out the banned video below.

Hungry Eyes

A single in Japan, "Hungry Eyes" is a Hi-NRG slice of 80s keyboard heaven. The catchy chorus is set against some truly weird and wonderful sound effects, making for one of the album's hidden treasures. Written by the album's producer and Trevor Veitch (who worked extensively with Donna Summer), "Hungry Eyes" positively channels Harold Faltermeyer's early experiments with electronica. The track hasn't aged quite as gracefully as some of the others but I think it perfectly reflects everything that was good about mid-80s pop music. I wish Sheena hasd played around with this sound more. It suited her voice and would have worked wonders in Europe.

Hard To Say It's Over

"Hard To Say It's Over" is a complete showstopper. This is the kind of searing power ballad that would have made Cher and Barbra Streisand green with envy. I've often wondered why this wasn't a single. It would have connected with Sheena's old fanbase and gone down a storm on American radio. I love the bombastic guitar solos and Sheena's brilliant vocal delivery always gives me goosebumps. I was interested to learn while researching this post that the song was co-written by Australian pop star Gino Cunico, who was signed to Arista in the 1970s. Some truly amazing artists contributed their talent to this album. And it shows.

Swear

If you need any further proof of Sheena's credentials as an innovator, check out the album's third single. Ms Easton incorporates a spoken word rap on "Swear" half a decade before Madonna got around to it on "Vogue". However, that's only a small part of the song's appeal. "Swear" is a fiery revelation from beginning to end with its driving guitar (that sounds vaguely reminiscent of Michael Jackson's "Billie Jean"), attitude filled lyrics and experimental production. I wasn't aware until recently that the song was a cover and you can check out Tim Scott's original version here. In retrospect, I'm not surprised that it was originally performed by a man. "Swear" is such a strong and muscular track. Sheena's interpretation completely turns the gender issue inside out, making the song all the more powerful. The video (below) is also something of a masterpiece. Clearly inspired by Michael Jackson, the clip is a three and a half minute explosion of 80s fashion and fabulousness.

Love & Affection

I have often thought that "Love & Affection" is the odd song out on "A Private Heaven". This sublime cover of Joan Armatrading's 1979 top 10 hit is the only cut that wouldn't sound out of place on one Sheena's early albums. While the rest of "A Private Heaven" is a boisterous celebration of mid-80s musical trends, there's something pristine and classic about this gem. Joan is a pretty hard act to follow but this version is a silky smooth delight. I love the crispness of the production and Sheena's understated vocal delivery is nothing short of exquisite. "Love & Affection" hasn't aged a day and is one of the few examples of a cover version matching the quality of the original.

Back In The City

Greg Mathieson and Trevor Veitch rope in the services of guitar legend Lee Ritenour for the album's only Latin flavoured jam. There's something so summery and laid back about "Back In The City". The slinky chorus is subtle yet catchy, while the heavy percussion adds a whole new dimension to the proceedings. Sheena released a Spanish language album ("Todo Me Recuerda a Ti") in Latin America around the same time as "A Private Heaven" and I've often wondered if "Back In The City" somehow evolved from those sessions. I was pretty sure the song was never released as a single so it was quite a surprise to discover the video clip on youtube (below). It's very grainy but still rather fabulous.

You Make Me Nervous

The keyboards return in full force for "You Make Me Nervous". Written by the team behind Robbie Nevil's 80s hit "C'est La Vie", this slice of 80s dance music isn't the finest moment on "A Private Heaven" but it is rather pleasant filler. I love the electronic sound but the guitar solos are unnecessary and the chorus feels slightly disconnected from the verses. It is, however, a welcome return to the uptempo pace of the opening tracks after a couple of mid-tempo detours.

All By Myself

The album's second big ballad is not a cover of Eric Carmen's similarly titled classic but an original penned by Trevor Veitch and Steve Lukather (the ex-Toto band member who heavily contributed to Michael Jackson's "Thriller" album). "All By Myself" doesn't quite reach the melodramatic heights of "Hard To Say It's Over" but the delicate production and emotional lyrics more than make up for it. As usual, Sheena's voice is pitch perfect and utterly exquisite. I'd love to see this performed live.

Double Standard

It's only fitting that such a consistently brilliant album end on a high and "Double Standard" more than fulfils that objective. This extremely catchy serving of 80s synth-pop has always been one of my favourite songs on the album. It's just so upbeat and fun. I love the adorable chorus and Greg's production is spot on. "Double Standard" also reminds strongly me of Olivia Newton-John's output at the time, which isn't a coincidence. The song was written by Steve Kipner, who composed ONJ classics like "Physical", "Heart Attack" and "Twist Of Fate". It's a huge compliment to say that Sheena's effort more than holds its own in that lofty company.

A quarter of a century has passed since "A Private Heaven" was recorded and the years have wearied it to some extent. The album was very much a product of its time and some of the tracks sound very dated. However, that's also part of the album's immense charm. "A Private Heaven" is a veritable audio time capsule of 80s music trends and production techniques. It's a snapshot of a time when popular music was still inventive, irreverent and fun. Most of all, it showcases an amazing diva at the very peak of her formidable powers. "A Private Heaven" is a near perfect pop album that deserves to be remembered, appreciated and acknowledged as a triumph.

Pop Trash Guide To London

A group of my Spanish friends are flying over to London next week and turned to me for some travel advice. As the world's worst tourist I'm probably the last person they should be asking but I'll do my best. Sightseeing bores the hell out of me and, if I'm totally honest, London generally rubs me the wrong way. That said, I always seem to go back for more so it must have something going for it. The city's appeal has a lot to do with my amazing friends (Mark, Paul & Bobby - I miss you!) but London is not without charm. I'm told it has a lot of pretty buildings and historical landmarks but I've never been very interested in piles of old bricks. You can complete my tour for a tenner and still have enough memories to last a lifetime! Here goes nothing...


1. Breakfast Bliss

No one does breakfast quite like the British. I suggest starting the day with a "butty" (bread roll) filled with sausage, eggs and bacon. From experience this is best consumed with a side dish of baked beans and extra toast. If you want to be fancy, order yourself a nice cup of Earl Grey. The delicious concoction above left my tastebuds screaming for more and cost all of two pounds. Value!

2. Channel Kerry Katona

The single best thing about the United Kingdom is Kerry Katona. Living in London, I became completely obsessed with her drunken television interviews, post plastic surgery nude spreads and signature fragrance, which she exclusively revealed smells "like me, like kebabs". Best of all, however, are Kerry's amazing commercials for Iceland (above) - a budget supermarket specialising in frozen food. One of my favourite pastimes in London was to grab a trolley and stroll the aisles of Iceland in the hope of running into Kerry. It never happened but the dream continues.

3. Be A Hoxton Twat

London is the home of all things cutting edge and cool, so you might as well get a taste while you're there. When in Rome and all that. I'm rather fond of East London but it is home to some of the nation's most pretentious wankers, so head over to Hoxton and do a bit of people watching. Just bring your skinny jeans and pretend to be strung out on heroin if you don't want to be mistaken for a tourist.

4. Walk Around Soho

Get on the tube and head over to Soho. It isn't the gay mecca it once was but it's still fun to wander around. There are a couple of second hand CD stores worth checking out, a bunch of sex shops for sluts (like my Spanish friends) and the former home of GAY nightclub. Lay some flowers in front of the Astoria in tribute for all the times a glamorous Minogue graced the stage. Make sure to pick up a copy of "Boyz" so you can make plans for the evening. Soho is also close to all the major stores - so drop into HMV, Borders or Zavvi for the latest Ladyhawke 7" vinyl.


5. Eat Some Fried Chicken

After all that walking, chances are you'll be famished. One of the most exciting things about London is the seemingly endless choice of fried chicken. When I stayed in the glamorous surrounds of Peckham, I counted 9 different outlets on the one road! I personally survived eating at Morley's, Texas Fried Chicken, CFC, Perfect Chicken and the Chicken Cottage. They all taste like the poor man's KFC so there's no point being choosy.

6. The Tate Modern

If you don't need to spend the next hour on the toilet, use the time to walk around the Tate Modern. I'm not completely immune to culture and the Tate Modern is my favourite gallery in London by far. I love the ugliness of the building and I'm yet to see a boring exhibition there. It's also close to St Paul's and most of the big landmarks, so you can tick a bunch of boring tourist attractions off your list in one fell swoop.

7. Watch Some Trash TV

It's time to return to the hotel for some down time after all that exertion. I've always found an hour or two of trash TV to be the perfect antidote to a busy day and the British are world leaders in the field. I never really got into UK soaps with their light-hearted themes of child abuse and mental illness but reality TV more than makes up for it. "I'm A Celebrity...Get Me Out Of Here", "Celebrity Big Brother" and "X Factor" are all world famous but I suggest checking out "The Underdog Show" (basically a bunch of Z Grade celebrities train dogs) and "Hole In The Wall". I love the horse faced hostess of the former and the latter could well be the most brilliant show ever made. Basically, the lowest "celebrities" on earth play human Tetris. It's genius - check it out above!

8. Eat Dinner

Defrost the frozen banquet you purchased in Iceland. I find paper plates and plastic cutlery perfectly compliment this feast.

9. Buy Bad Drugs In Vauxhall

After downing your delicious meal, it's time to hit the town. Consult your copy of "Boyz" to find a suitable location, which more than likely is located in Vauxhall. The clubs in Vauxhall are great but the real highlight is chatting with the mobile drug dealers that hang around each and every venue. The guys are usually good for a laugh and are generally pretty harmless. Just be aware that you will probably end up snorting crushed aspirin.


10. Experience Kelly Wilde Live

As far as I'm concerned, your London sojourn is completely invalid without witnessing the glorious goddess of Hi-NRG pop - Miss Kelly Wilde. This amazing diva's breathtaking vocals, stunning dance moves and exquisite costumes are the thing of legend. I was lucky enough to see Kelly at two extremely classy gay bars ("The Two Brewers" and "The Black Cap") and both evenings were unforgettable. Check her busy schedule here.

Bon voyage, boys. Have a fantastic time!

Kylie Does The Wiggles

Kylie is the queen of random duets. From Gerling to Towa Tei, Ms Minogue has hooked up with some seriously obscure acts over the past 20 years but her latest pairing takes the proverbial cake. It seems we can now add The Wiggles to Kylie's long list of collaborators. No, you're not high. News reports confirm the elder Minogue has indeed teamed up with those multi-coloured t-shirt wearing losers for a little ditty called "Monkey Man". I'm sorry but what the fuck? Even Dannii would draw the line at this shit. On second thoughts, Holidannii is probably trying to arrange studio time with Hi-5 as I type - but I digress. The Wiggles? Kylie says she jumped at the chance to work with the world famous children's group in a bid to impress her 2 year old nephew. Couldn't the cheap bitch just buy him a present instead? Whatever. It's all in good fun and provides further proof that Kylie doesn't take herself too seriously. If more was needed after "Nu-Di-Ty". Call me insane but I actually quite like the song. "Monkey Man" is strangely hypnotic! You can listen to a clip of it here. All this crap needs is a Death Metal Disco Scene remix and a cheap Willy Baker directed video clip (preferably with a cameo from Dannii dressed as Dorothy the Dinosaur) and I'm on board!

The Return Of K Lo!

Bow down, bitches. According to industry whispers, the orange goddess is currently bathing in a vat of golden glow in preparation for her magnificent comeback! The pop world just isn't the same without Kelly Llorenna's stunning pipes and luminescent fake tan. She is British pop music and I, for one, can't wait for her return to the lower reaches of the UK top 75. Despite her absence, sultry K Lo has been a busy girl since her last flop single, "I Will Love Again", peaked at a lofty #105. She has recorded a HI-NRG cover of a James Bond theme song for Klone Records, been hired as the vocalist du jour for legendary dance outfit Love To Infinity and most excitingly, re-joined forces with N-Trance - the group that rocketed her to international superstardom all those years ago.

The new N-Trance record, "Nothing Lasts Forever", is a glorious return to form. The beats come hard and heavy, while Kelly's exquisite vocals waft above the track like a gift from sweet baby Jesus. Seriously, listening to this you would be forgiven for thinking it was 1997 all over again and I mean that as a huge compliment. I hope the song is a smash hit for Kelly and the boys but given AATW's (her record company) recent track record, I wouldn't be surprised if this brilliant anthem never sees the light of day. So make sure you listen to it here. It really is quite fabulous. While we wait with baited breath for K Lo's glorious return, why not check out her last opus - a trashtastic cover of Donna Summer's "Hot Stuff". I finally worked out how to stream music (thanks Jennifer!), so you can bask in Ms Llorenna's magnificence below. This stunning masterpiece appears on the classily titled "Gay Days 5" compilation and is available to download from Australian iTunes. Welcome back, Kelly. You have been sorely missed!

Hot Stuff

CC Martini - Blogs, Jizz and America

A lot has happened in the six months since I interviewed underground pop icon CC Martini. Australia's hottest fire crotch packed her bags and flew to America late last year in order to work on the follow-up to her completely fucking amazing debut "All The Way". CC even started a blog to document her journey and you can catch up on all her adventures here. As you can tell from her most recent post, CC is now on her way back home to tie up some loose ends - either that or they found her stash and she's been deported! I had a quick cyber chat with CC before she left and the Queen of Pip Pop kindly spilled the beans on America, the new album and her most recent "moisturiser dispenser". It was great to catch up and I can't wait to watch "The Plan" unfold. Enjoy!

Hey CC, how are things going for you in America? Has it been mostly business or pleasure?
Well you know me, Mike. I like to mix the pleasure and the business together, wink wink. I have had SO much fun here. I've met some really, really rad people and I have been all over. I've been away for 3 months. I have spent quite a bit of time in LA, 10 days in New York, 2 weeks in Portland, and the rest of the time in San Francisco and Oakland, with a trip to Las Vegas and Austin, Texas over the New Year. It has been an awesome, life changing, eye-opening experience. I have had SO MUCH FUN. I don't want it to ever end.

Have you worked on any new material? If so, who with?
Yes. I bought my first Mac Book in New York and I've been making demos in Garage Band, brainstorming new material for my sessions. I did a couple of new tracks with a producer - Andy Baldwin (an Australian friend of mine who now lives in New York, who did some work on "All The Way"). And I've also been working with Stephen Bradley (of No Doubt) and Dave Tweedie from Oakland. My favourite new song that we did is called "Dress Me Up". It's fucking cool, cute and popalicious! Kent (Morris) is also working on some new stuff which is gonna be totally rad, our fave new song is called "Glitz Glam".


When can we expect to hear this amazing new stuff?
I know! soooooon. I will leak my stuff to you internet peeps well before it's gonna come out officially to push the system and make it keep up! This industry moves soooo sloooowly and it's frustrating but I am tryna crack the whip and make 'em catch up!

Your fans are worried about your complexion. Last time you confided that you didn't have a man's potion to use as lotion. Have you bagged yourself an American hottie to remedy the situation?
Well usually I kiss and tell, as you know, but I think Imma keep this one to myself for now, you'll hear about my new adventures in the songs on the new album. I will say though, I have had some great times with my latest moisturiser dispenser, which have included riding on the back of a Harley Davidson across the Golden Gate Bridge and around the Napa Valley. San Francisco is so beautiful. I looked like a big nerd though because my hire leather jacket was way too big, I wasn't impressed that they didn't have mini sizes. Apart from my jacket it was a really cool day.

According to your blog, you've been hanging out in Portland. Is it as boring as it looks? (Apologies to any locals!)
Portland was my "quiet time" get down into nature, cut down a Christmas tree and take pictures of your friend's dogs in dress ups after you've had 5 tequila shots because it's too fucking freezing to go outside and you have to make your own fun time. I drank a lot of alcohol in Portland. They had a freaky winter blizzard that nearly had me stuck there! They got more snow than ever on record. People were snowboarding in the streets! Portland actually has quite a happening music scene actually. I fell in love with this girl from a band called Y La Bamba. They were amazing on stage, absolutely captivating. It was like a musical orgasm when they played, look them up on myspace, they're great!

I noticed you've signed up to perform at the D&D ball in Melbourne. Does that mean you're coming home?
Yes it's true, I'm coming home... I'm coming back just to sort some shit out and fucking rock the socks off what is left of the summer and then head back to America to finish off the next album and continue with 'The Plan'. Thanks for your support Mike and all you pop trash addicts. Make sure you become Myspace friends or fans on Facebook. Love yas!

Housekeeping

It's time for a little blog housekeeping. Basically, this post is a dumping ground for thoughts and little tidbits of information that I've been meaning to share for the past couple of weeks. I guess I should get the (really) boring stuff out of the way first. I finally pulled my finger out and made a Pop Trash Addicts Myspace. Add me as a friend if you can be bothered. I also need to overhaul my links. If you write or simply want to recommend a quality pop blog, send me an e-mail. You can find the address in my profile. Warning: I reserve the right to place a voodoo curse on anyone who directs me to a Girls Aloud fansite! Moving on to more exciting things, my Asian tour edition of "X" (pictured above) finally arrived. It's beautiful and actually worth owning - unlike the Australian version. I love the "making of" videos and it's nice to have Kylie's BRITS performance of "Wow" on DVD... even if the poor old thing looks like a bored housewife on Valium.

Speaking of fabulous Australian divas, how fantastic is it to see Jessica Mauboy at #1 on the singles chart? Written and produced by the Danish team behind Kylie's "Like A Drug" and "All I See", "Burn" really is a sparkling slice of urban dance-pop. I wasn't crazy about the song to begin with but it just gets better with each listen. Jess is now one of only three Indigenous performers (that I can think of) to reach the summit of the charts - along with Casey Donovan and Jimmy Little. If Sony manages to pick a decent follow-up single, I don't see why she can't do it all over again. Don't be put off by the hideous cover, "Been Waiting" is a really great pop album. Another quality local release that I've been playing all summer is Sneaky Sound System's "2". Unfortunately, this fabulous opus is suffering from serious BSC or bad single choices. After flopping miserably with "When We Were Young", the group have settled on "16" for single number 3. Great move. Another depressing piece of filler that you couldn't pay radio to play. It's frustrating because "2" contains so many hot jams with great hit potential. "I Want Everything" and "Lost In The Future" are two very obvious choices.

I'm on a roll, so I might as well continue with the local acts. Pop Trash readers will be very familiar with Melinda Jackson. I wrote about her regularly in 2007 ("Fall In Love" is still one of my favourite songs) but she sadly dropped off the pop radar last year. Happily, Mel has returned with a hot new sound and even a new name! She is starting over as Mindi and I wish her all the best. Mindi's edgy new tracks are streaming on her Myspace. They are definitely worth checking out. Another diva to feature regularly on Pop Trash Addicts is Zoe Badwi. I was completely obsessed with Sirens and raved about her first solo single way back in October. "Release Me" ended up being a #1 club hit for 7 weeks and three months later, it's still hovering in the top 5. A video has finally been released - sort of. Zoe's live performance at Sensation (a big NYE party) will serve as the clip unless "Release Me" crosses over to the pop charts. Check it out below. I really hope the song takes off. Zoe is amazing and "Release Me" deserves to be huge.

Now for the international divas. I'm not sold on Kelly Clarkson's new song. Pink did it first and Katy Perry did it better. There's no denying Max Martin's ability to knock out a catchy pop/rock tune but the man is turning into a boring production line of mediocrity. Pink and Katy get away with it because they have enough attitude to make his songs their own. I can't imagine anyone but Pink singing "So What" and who else but Katy Perry would blurt out "you PMS like a bitch, I should know". Kelly, on the other hand, gets completely lost in the mix. She's harmless enough but the woman is a personality free zone. For an example of Max Martin trying something different, I recommend Pink's new single "Please Don't Leave Me". It's one of the best songs on "Funhouse" and I love hearing it every 5 minutes (literally) on Australian radio.

While on the topic of American pop, I have to mention Christina Milian's amazing new single. "Us Against The World" sounds like the bastard child of Alicia Keys' "No One" and Whitney Houston's "My Love Is Your Love". In my mind, that's a very good thing. The sing was released digitally way back in October without making much of a splash but it finally seems to be taking off thanks to the recently filmed video clip. It's pretty classy - Christina basically rolls around some sand dunes wearing a series of increasingly skimpy outfits. I'm looking forward to her new album, "So Amazin'" was a real guilty pleasure. I guess I should also mention Beyoncé's new singles. Talk about going from the sublime to the ridiculous. "Halo" is my favourite song from "Sasha Fierce" and I'm thrilled, if a little surprised, that it's going to be the next Australian single. Unfortunately, Beyoncé is going with "Diva" in America, which more than likely means we'll get it next. Words can't adequately describe how much I hate that song. A diva is NOT "a female version of a hustler". May drag queens smite you down, bitch! Annoyingly, the "Diva" video is totally fierce. I love the 80s shoulder pads and wicked dance moves. The "Halo" film clip, on the other hand, is the most insipid piece of shit Beyoncé has ever put her name to. At least the song is brilliant.

Just a few more things to get off my chest. Firstly, Spain is fucked. Soraya came second in the initial Eurovision vote - to this revolting rubbish. Even the shirtless men can't make that shit bearable. On the bright side, Soraya got enough votes to progress through to the next round, which will be a televised gala. I'm convinced Spain will fall under Soraya's beautiful spell when she belts out "La Noche Es Para Mi" in front of a live audience. If not, I'm moving to Portugal. That is when I find my Spanish husband. If nothing else, Eurovision has breathed new life into Soraya's amazing album - it's climbed from #99 to #57 over the past 3 weeks. That's true Dannii-esque $ucce$$! Soraya isn't the only fabulous Euro-diva desperately trying to revive their career at the moment. Germany's Sarah Connor has recorded a duet with Enrique Iglesias for the German version of his Greatest Hits. Amusingly, it's a re-make of "Takin' Back My Love" - the current American single that Enrique recorded with Ciara. Poor Sarah might get Ciara's sloppy seconds but at least it's a good song. Last but not least, spare a thought for poor La Toya. I can't believe Toy Toy was evicted from the Celebrity Big Brother house. The United Kingdom clearly has no fucking taste!

Marta Sánchez & Carlos Baute - The Duet

What do you get when you combine the self-proclaimed "Spanish Madonna" with a South American himbo best known for taking off his shirt at every available opportunity? The answer, quite unexpectedly, is one of the sweetest duets I've heard in a long time. "Colgando En Tus Manos", roughly translated as "Hanging In Your Hands", is currently the most downloaded song in Spain (according to iTunes) and it's easy to see the appeal.

Carlos and Marta deliver an adorable mid-tempo ballad, which no doubt has Spanish housewives from Bilbao to Málaga in a lather. I'm usually immune to soppy love songs but there's just something about this gorgeous track that clicks with me. I guess it doesn't hurt that I'm slightly obsessed with one of the participants (I must have picked up 5 or 6 Marta CDs in Spain) but the thing I love most about "Colgando En Tus Manos" is its simplicity. There are no tiresome vocal acrobatics or overbearing production flourishes - just some beautifully played guitar, two lovely voices and fabulous lyrics about having dinner in Marbella. That's not to mention the catchy "cuidado, cuidado" hook or the cute video.

I love film clips with a storyline and this stunning tale of love and lust between a limo driver and his famous client deserves an Academy Award - if only for the trashy scene where Marta and Carlos do some weird interpretive dance in an empty stadium. I'm convinced this is all based on fact. Marta looks like the kind of desperate bitch that would let the hired help work over her musty growler. And who can blame her? I wish Carlos' cock was colgando in my manos too. Don't be put off by the new and improved Pop Trash Addicts cover (above), this really is a classy affair!