Hermanas Goggi - Estoy Bailando

If I ever build a time machine, I'm setting the dial for 1979. It seems as good a year as any - Satan is yet to spawn Cheryl Cole, the charts are full of songs I actually like and stunning Eurotrash divas Las Hermanas Goggi are churning out sublime anthems like "Estoy Bailando" (literally, "I'm Dancing"). I don't know much about these fabulous Italian sisters apart from their names - Loretta and Daniela - and the fact that they created one of the campest disco tunes of all time.

Like many Italian stars of the 1970s, the glamorous Goggi girls achieved considerable fame in Spain by releasing songs in Spanish. Their biggest (and perhaps only) hit was "Estoy Bailando", a tragic love story set to an irresistible disco beat. The chorus is as bright and shiny as a discoball, while the delicious duo wring every ounce of emotion from the words with their dramatic vocal delivery. The lyrics are camp genius but you don't need to understand a word of Spanish to appreciate this masterpiece. However, it helps.

Unfortunately, the only thing I learned at Mexican School is ¿Me da un elote por favor? - so I asked Pablo to translate the song for me. I'm sure you'll be blown away by the epic scale of this tragic tale of woe. It's just like Romeo & Juliet, only without the feuding families and suicide!

If we split up dancing
It'll be easier than talking
You dance with any blonde
And I just get on the groove

The resentment here is palpable. The Goggis are clearly dealing with an A Grade man whore!

I drink your Coca Cola
Left your glass empty
And I keep dancing alone
Or with any fling of mine

Drink that Cola, bitches! I hope the bastard dies of thirst!

I'm dancing
I defend myself tooth and nail
And my heart beats to the rhythm of the music
and there in the world
that's black like the deepest sea
I'm dancing

The girls start to sink into depression, which they express in a series of bad metaphors. Either that or they just scored some hard drugs.

Like a sleep-walker who won't wake up
Because I'm dancing
I hide from sadness like Brazil
After all everyone has a masquerade
And tonight finally I get free from you.

My money's on the drugs. And since when does Brazil "hide from sadness"? Someone please explain!

So slow is this tragic tango
You stare at me
Come and dance with me
The night is young
Tomorrow we'll see

Like Kylie, the desperate sisters have decided it's better the devil you know. I just hope he doesn't make them pay for the Cola.

In order to get the full impact of Las Hermanas Goggi, check out this amazing television performance (below). They are so unbelievably fabulous. The hair is perfect, the outfits are spectacular and the choreography is heaven. I know this is kind of unrelated but why did Spain need to import Italian divas? Apart from Baccara, were there any Spanish disco acts?

One more thing - Soraya needs to cover this song on her next album. Fact.

Swedish Skank Scores Aus Record Deal!

Evil Swedish pop troll Agnes Carlsson is set to unleash her mediocrity upon Australia after landing a local distribution deal with Neon Records. The 2005 Swedish Idol winner is currently taking the UK by storm with her single "Release Me" and should find similar success when the song is released here in early July. I've made my feelings about Agnes pretty clear in the past but there's no denying that "Release Me" is an exceptional pop song. It's just a shame that it was wasted on someone with all the charisma of an anal fissure. Excitingly, local remixes have already been commissioned - including one by the amazing TV Rock. Hopefully they make it a dub!

This is Neon's first foray into the pop scene, so I wish them a lot of luck. If "Release Me" takes off it could pave the way for some decent Scandipop hitting the shelves in the future. I'll update you with more details as they come to hand. In the meantime, check out the Swedish automaton trying to act like an actual human being in the drab video (below).

Pop Panel - Week 2

The Pop Panel is back for another round. I'm still not sure if this is going to be a weekly feature but while I'm convalescing, it's a fun way to pass the time. If you missed last week's Panel, the concept is pretty simple. Basically, I've asked 5 well known pop bloggers to rate a bunch of recently released tracks out of five. The tune with the highest tally is then crowned the Pop Trash Addicts single of the week. I'm happy to say that I actually like this week's winner! (Although Annie did set the bar pretty low). The Panel is comprised of the same bitches as last week:

D'Luv (US) writer of Chart Rigger
Mike author of this classy blog.
Pablo (Spain) writer of Peibols
Paul (UK) writer of Fizzy Pop
Rob (UK) writer of Don't Stop The Pop
The Prophet (AUS) writer of The Prophet


However, I have a little surprise. We have a special "celebrity" judge! Electropop practitioner James Leon (check out his myspace) has kindly agreed to be a part of this week's Panel. His debut single "Purple Heart" (below) was dissected by us last week, so I thought it would be fun to hear his response.

What did you think about the comments? Some were quite scathing.
Well, the comments were a mixed bag. There were some really nice ones about the "loveliness of the melody", which made me happy. Someone said it was "so 90's it hurts". I've always been told that I'm so 80's, so it made quite a change to be called "so 90's". Let's be honest, everyone is doing 80's now, so I always like to be different!

Don't worry, love. The person who made that comment lives in Huesca where it's still officially 1997. How about the reference to you being "gay indie electro trash"?
Well I wouldn't exactly call my music indie, to me that is whiny boys with guitars. Some people are not very knowledgeable about their genres. I think "Purple Heart" is quite a classy track, for me there is actually a purity about it which is what I was trying to convey. I think he also described the track as "pretentious", which also amused me!

Take that, Prophet! Finally, have you wiled away "many sleazy hours"?
LOL well it takes one to know one! I like to play at being sleazy a little. I guess I've had my moments but I like to think I am a good boy really!!

Sure, I believe you. Thanks again for being part of today's Panel!

So here are the results, ranked from lowest to highest score.


The Stepaways & Robyn – I’ve Got Your Man (Video)

The Swedish diva’s latest collaboration.

D'Luv: I'm gonna take a stab in the dark that none of these women ever get laid. 1/5
James Leon: A "clever" record but it does nothing for me. I still don't quite get Robyn. She has uber modern production on her tracks, looks very cool in an icy Nordic way but leaves me cold. There is no warmth or passion in her delivery and her songs are only quite good but not amazing. 2/5
Mike: Oh look it's Sunday. Time for Robyn to squeeze out another musical turd. 0/5
Pablo: Even with Robyn's uglyness, I tolly love the song. At least it's different from everything we've been listening to this year. And the video is as amazing as it is cheap. 4/5
Paul: Words fail me. It's like the musical equivalent of He Man the movie ie. not very good. 0/5
Prophet: Unbearable! Is it possible to give this minus 1 billion? 0/5
Rob: I am a huge fan of the Robyn but this tests that loyalty. Her collaboration with Royksopp is far better & this release is a pretty poor showing from the usually strong outfit The Stepaways (sadly not a tribute to Steps). 0/5
Total: 7/35

Jade Ewen – It’s My Time (Video)

The UK’s 2009 Eurovision entry is released this week.

D'Luv: Stick to stripping, baby. 0.5/5
James Leon: This is just dreadful, there is no tune. It's just melodramatic cliche riden mush. Shame on us for entering this for Eurovision. Come back Gina G or even Scooch, at least they were fun! Norway was far better. 1/5
Mike: I thought Leona was the bride of Satan but she's got some stiff competition from this repugnant waste of space. 0/5
Pablo: I hate ballads. Any kind of ballads. Even ones with girls pretending to be Leona Lewis. 0/5
Paul: Thing is, this is the sort of song that the X Factor used to give to the winners before they palmed them off with dodgy cover versions. Perfectly suited for any type of singing contest, it's epic Celine/Whitney balladry that has an appropriately orchestral middle 8. Oh god. I like it. 3/5
Prophet: Meh. 2/5
Rob: Escavating the Eurovision context, I would actually stop in my tracks with this song. It's simply a nice ballad. It nearly becomes a wonderful torch song for 2009. And how often do we hear torch songs? Not alot. In a world full of Lady Gaga's, Robyn's, robots and Pet Shop Boys this stands out and recalls the glorious power ballads of a time of big hair, Bonnie Tyler and shoulder pads. I also have a soft spot for strings. So unexpectedly I give this 5/5.
Total: 11.5/35

Jessica Mauboy – Because (Video)

The 4th single from the Australian diva’s platinum selling debut album.

D'Luv: Sorry, dear. There's only one Rihanna. And look what happened to her. 2/5
James Leon: Oh please. Did they just type into the computer Jordin/Leona/Mariah generic wailing bint singing about heartache and the like. The backing rips off Backstreet Boys' "Incomplete". Beyond corny, just total American-esque mid-tempo dross. 2/5
Mike: I love Jessica and think her album is amazing but this has to be the worst song on it. Nevertheless, it's pleasant enough in a generic R'n'B lite kind of way. 3/5
Pablo: I hate ballads. Any kind of ballads. Even ones played at the piano. 0/5
Paul: It's all a bit dramatic. I'm already imagining the wind machine as she sings into it, hair flying behind her, extensive hand gestures a la that bird from the X Factor all over the place. Lighten up dear, it may never happen. 2/5
Prophet: It's mildly okay, but too generic and bland. Jessica can do better than this. 2/5
Rob: Hey Jordin Sparks, this is what you call emotional singing! Slightly too much autotuning but a rather cute ballad. 3/5
Total: 14/35

Nicki Webster – Devilicious (Above)

This former child star and recent FHM covergirl is making a much hyped comeback to the Australian pop scene complete with slutastic new image.

D'Luv: Darlin', Britney did this schtick eight years ago, and it sucked just as bad then. 1/5
James Leon: Generic bland dancefloor filler by soft porn star, though if it came on in trashy club I am sure I would dance. I do like the synth sound burbling in the background also. 2/5
Mike: Tragic, obscenely derivative and yet totally fabulous. This is the definition of pop trash. Maybe you have to be Australian to get how funny this shit is. 5/5
Pablo: It's like Edurne remaking Britney's worst videos - together. The song is acceptable. 2/5
Paul: When in doubt flash a bit of muff and you will be fine. It's technically a competent slutty dance number but I'm not overly sold on it. 2.5/5
Prophet: This is worse than being sodomised by a chainsaw whilst simultaneously choking to death on your own vomit... But I love it! 5/5
Rob: Absolutely unbearable. The song is charmless and not sexy at all. The video is a weird Janet Jackson (All Night Don't Stop) and Christina Aguilera (Dirrty) hybrid. On many levels I should love this sort of crap but its outdated and incredibly unoriginal. 0/5
Total: 17.5/35

Fedde Le Grand – Scared Of Me (Video)

The man behind “Put Your Hands Up For Detroit” returns with another floorfiller.

D'Luv: The song sucks, but I'll give it one point for having a broad decked out like Scooch in their "Flying The Flag" garb and one point for the fact that I'd fuck Fedde's mouth. 2/5
James Leon: Yawn! "Put Your hands Up" was a catchy enough dance anthem but as with many dance acts, this is basically the same track with different 'lyrics' over the top. It's pretty boring. 2/5
Mike: A killer tune with a great vocal by Mitch Crown. Love the video. 4/5
Pablo: Great song. But I'll probably forget it in one hour or so. 3/5
Paul: I totally wanted to hate this. I don't. It's not bad at all (doesn't mean it's brilliant either) especially the middle 8 bit which is quite arousing. 3/5
Prophet: Dance music is stupid! 1/5
Rob: It gets 3 points already for providing a brilliant video. The song sounds a bit similar to his earlier work but I won't hold that against him as the chorus is rather distinct. 4/5
Total: 19/35

Industry - My Baby's Waiting (Video)

The latest reincarnation of Steps.

D'Luv: Steps + A*Teens + A*Teens old producers = Heaven. Subtracting half a point for the lack of shirtlessness with the boys in the vid. 4.5/5
James Leon: I should dislike this but shame... I totally love it! It's so trashy and predictable but really uplifting and catchy. It just makes me feel good. Complete Steps rip off with an American vibe tacked on and stuck in about '97. The gays will love it! 3.5/5
Mike: Steps were shit the first time around. 1/5
Pablo: Quite a dramatic song. But I like it. They'll live for like 2 singles and a half. With luck. 2/5
Paul: It's Steps. It's S Club. It's Allstars. It's A*teens. It's brilliant. Cheesily brilliant pop that puts a big smile on my face. Spaffletastic! 4.5/5
Prophet: Zero zero zero zero zero zero zero!!! 0/5
Rob: Brilliant. Could have included a bigger ending and a huge key change. Maybe that's for single number two. 4/5
Total = 19.5/35

Pet Shop Boys – Did You See Me Coming (Video)

Those old gays strike again.

D'Luv: I've overplayed "Yes" a bit and had to take a break from it, but for this I'm delving back to the first time I heard DYSMC a couple months ago: Pure bliss in the way good pop should be. 5/5
James Leon: Totally New Order-ish but I like the lyrics and title, and its The PSBs so I have to love it. I don't think it's the strongest choice for a single, they should have relased the gorgeous 'The Way It Used To Be'. If the brilliant "Love e.t.c" was a flop there isn't much hope for this sadly. They should work with me instead! 4/5
Mike: The Pet Shop Boys best single in a decade. Which isn't saying much. 2/5
Pablo: I'd have chosen another song for 2nd single, but as usual Xenomania's work is brilliant. Like what they do with Girls Aloud. 4/5
Paul: Oh thank god. Some nice polished pop which is instantly Pet Shop Boys Aloud. A great chorus and a prime example of how to do pop without resorting to all the whistles and bells! Summer is here! 4/5
Prophet: There's nothing worse than the Pet Shop Boys. The production is great but as soon as I heard those faggy vocals I wanted to rub razorblades into my eyes. 1/5
Rob: Did you see me love a Pet Shop Boys song? Gosh, yes! I am usually rather unresponsive to this band but this is proper tunage. Damn! I'll have to check out the album now. 5/5
Total = 25/35

SINGLE OF THE WEEK

Passion Pit – The Reeling (Below)

The American electropop sensations' follow up to “Sleepyhead”.

D'Luv: This is the kind of music I'd never buy, but it's nice to hear in the background somewhere—the grocery store, a whorehouse, etc. The singer needs a makeover, though. 3/5
James: Achingly cool and clever, quite MGMT - nice summery vibe and would be alright at a party or maybe a club, lacks a real hook and doesn't rock my world. Am tempted to say 'pretentious gay indie-electro trash'. Video is irritating to watch. 3/5
Mike: A burst of seratonin to the brain. This sunny slice of acid trip electro is absolutely stunning. 4.5/5
Pablo: I 100% preffer the Calvin Harris Remix. But anyway, the song is amazing. 5/5
Paul: It's one of those acts that I know I'm supposed to love and critically adore, but it just sounds a bit of a fuzzy mess to me. Which means ask me again in a week and I'll love it. Bearing that in mind, I'll add an extra point on 2.5/5
Prophet: I have no idea who the Passion Pit are but this is fucking amazing. 5/5
Rob: Video is a bit overbaked and can cause epilepsy. However, the song is amazing. Passion Pit juices my passion pop pit. Immensely. 5/5
Total = 28/35

The Holly Van

After taking a 6 year hiatus to pursue acting, which included playing a corpse on CSI and a Russian stripper on Prison Break, Holly Valance is busily planning her return to the music scene. The former Neighbours star recently revealed that she's working on songs with Frankmusik for her third album and I couldn't be any more excited. Holly always stood out from the other pop zombies. For better or worse, usually the latter, she spoke her mind and refused to play by the rules. This is a woman who basically killed her own career by calling the British public "bitter and twisted" (during a UK promotional tour no less!) and was told off by a Judge for excessive publicity whoring. The amusing list of anecdotes goes on but there's one I can't help but mention - the tragic case of the Holly Van!

Whenever I think about Holly, my mind instantly races to a Christina Aguilera concert in December 2003. It was Christina's first visit to Australia and a huge crowd was starting to build outside the Entertainment Centre. Just as we were getting ready to go inside, someone started playing "State Of Mind" at near deafening volume. I half expected to find a demented fan with a boombox but was surprised to discover the music coming from a van covered in Holly Valance posters, which had just pulled up outside the venue. Using a vehicle to promote an artist is hardly out of the ordinary (Flo Rida's record company recently hired a tank to drive around Sydney blasting songs from his latest album) but actually crashing another diva's concert has to be a first! Naturally, I was drawn to the Holly Van like a rat to the Pied Piper and struck up a conversation with one of the promoters who was trying to give away merchandise to disinterested Christina fans. I think I got a couple of posters but the most fabulous gift was a model replica of the van itself - pictured above on my computer. It remains one of my favourite pieces of music memorabilia, perfectly summing up the sad desperation of Holly Valance circa 2003.

The depressing thing is that Holly really had no reason to be sad or desperate. I personally thought her debut album was a hideous trainwreck but I've been singing the praises of "State Of Mind" to anyone who will listen for years. In my opinion, it's one of the great pop albums of the noughties, right up there with "Neon Nights" and "Fever". "State Of Mind" was also a hugely influential album, not that anyone will admit it. Holly was the first commercial pop star to mix electro into her pop - years before Lady GaGa and Robyn got around to it. In fact, it's quite startling how fresh the album still sounds. The magnificent lead single wouldn't be out of place on radio today, while the stunning video (below) is still a million times hotter than anything Britney has ever come up with. That Ramones singlet is THE SEX!

The rest of "State Of Mind" is just as impressive. Jeff and Mark Taylor (Metro) contribute the dark and brooding "Desire", which was originally slated as the second single before the project was scrapped. Kylie's favourite collaborator, Steve Anderson, delivers the goods on "Hypnotic" and "Curious" but really strikes gold on the incredibly fierce "Roll Over". I'm not surprised that Holly has a writing credit on the track. It's got her mouthy attitude stamped all over it. Chris and Drew Peters (Electric Six) are the biggest surprise. I can't believe these guys haven't been snapped up by every pop tart on the block. They contribute the sublime "Everything I Hate" and fiery "Tongue Tied" as well as my favourite song on the entire album - the gorgeous "Ricochets", which displays a softness and subtlety that I would have thought beyond Holly.

With any luck, "State Of Mind" will be re-visited and re-evaluated by pop fans if her comeback is a success. I just hope the Holly Van stays locked in the garage!

The Tragifabulous Return Of Cascada

After years of releasing mechanical cover versions and soulless trance anthems, Cascada has finally decided to switch things up by ripping off Lady GaGa. The lead single from the German dance outfit's third album dropped this week and it's a virtual line by line re-make of "Just Dance" - down to the rap interlude! I'm usually pretty brutal about Cascada but "Evacuate The Dancefloor" (the puns I could make!) is a step in the right direction. Sure, it's a woeful exercise in plagiarism but at least they're paying homage to a great song. I think the staccato electro beats suit Natalie's robotic vocals surprisingly well and the rap isn't as unfortunate as it could have been. Admittedly, the production is more Berman Brothers than Red One but they deserve some points for trying! Put on your Poker Face and check out the video (below). "Evacuate The Dancefloor" is a true guilty pleasure.

An Open Letter To Soraya

Dear Soraya,

You don't know me but I'm your biggest (and possibly only) Australian fan. Your latest album is a veritable pop masterpiece and I still listen to your fabulous 80s covers all the time. I'm completely smitten by your grace, glamour and talent. To paraphrase Shakira, for you I'd move to a communist country (well, maybe Spain) and learn about football (although something like scrapbooking would be more up my alley).

My love for you runs deep. Last year I followed your stunning acoustic tour of radio stations around Spain, staying in glamorous metropoles like Lerida and Albacete along the way. Unfortunately, every show was sold out - which could have had something to do with the tickets being given away free. Not that it matters. I was satisfied to simply be in the same city as Spain's greatest living vocalist.

Needless to say, your selection for Eurovision brought me a lot of joy. Finally you had a chance to shine on the world stage and possibly launch an international career. If vile trolls like Agnes Carlsson and Annie can have "hits" outside their homeland, why not a stunning beauty like yourself? "La Noche Es Para Mi" is probably the weakest track on your amazing album but it's still light years ahead of the usual Eurovision fare and should have won in a landslide.

I watched what I assumed would be your triumphant performance with great pride. My delicate Spanish rose had blossomed into an international pop sensation right before my very eyes. You took to the stage with the grace of an angel, wearing a gorgeous outfit that highlighted your stunning curves. And then your magical voice wafted around the stadium like a fart squeezed from the arsehole of Jesus. It was blissful. Admittedly, your dancers appeared to be recent graduates from the Community College of Móstoles but, as a true saint, you're always looking to help the needy. Your moment of Eurovision glory seemed a mere formality. I even had a bottle of champagne (well, $5 sparkling wine) on ice to celebrate your victory! But then the votes rolled in and you came second last.

Soraya, my darling, please don't feel like a complete and utter failure even if you are one. Eurovision is an unflushed toilet, so it only makes sense that the biggest pile of crap (ie. Norway's entry) should float to the top of the bowl. In retrospect, you were too sexy for Eurovision. Men from Iceland to Azerbaijan were busy doing something else with their right hand during your performance, which explains their inability to pick up the phone and vote. Take heart in the fact that many an international superstar has tasted defeat on the Eurovision stage. Olivia Newton-John only claimed the 4th spot, Anna Vissi came 9th and Nicki French finished in 16th place. Almost as bad as you. And look at all the amazing success she's had since!

Now that the competition is little more than a bad memory, hurry up and release "Para Ti" or "No Siento"!

Love & Kisses,

Mike

XXXX

Soraya - Robbed At Eurovision!

The Pop Panel

Welcome to my very first Pop Panel! I've been thinking of a way to make this blog more collaborative for a while now, so I thought I'd ask some of my favourite bloggers to help me decide on a 'Single Of The Week'. The concept couldn't be more simple. All the panellists have to do is rate a bunch of recently released pop tracks out of five. The idea is still very much a work in progress but so far it's been a lot of fun - even though I utterly detest the winner. My poor blog may never recover! Anyway, it's time to introduce this week's panel:

D'Luv (US) - The man behind the hugely popular and extremely fabulous Chart Rigger.
Pablo (Spain) - The classiest (*cough*) blogger ever to emerge from Huesca. See Peibols for proof.
Paul (UK) - Everyone knows and loves this blogwhore, making Fizzy Pop a must read.
Robpop (UK) - The internet would be a wasteland without the genius of Don't Stop The Pop.
The Prophet (Aus) - The Prophet is THE place to be for fans of urban music.

And myself (Mike) of Pop Trash Addicts "fame"!

So here there are, ranked according to their votes:

Mariah - Love Story (video)

D'Luv: No. (1/5)
Mike: Dear Mimi, close your precious eyes and think of pretty, pink unicorns. These ignorant haters are obviously blind to your greatness! (3.5/5)
Pablo: Boooooring! I've seen videos made from Power Point with better music and more love. Like this Gypsy Wedding in Huesca. (1/5)
Paul: Unlike Mariah's ever expanding jugs, this will not be massive. Hideous. She's milking that album more than she is her new husband. Get back to your wifely duties woman! (1/5)
Prophet: "E=MC2" is easily the worst album that Mariah Carey has ever recorded. 'Love Story' is just another one of "E=MC2's" generic, boring and stale ballads. (1/5)
Robpop: I want retro Mariah back. When she mentally declared to her departed lover that she would be his baby. (0/5)
Total: 7.5/30

Paula Abdul - I'm Just Here For The Music (video)

D'Luv: This song would be a grower if any radio station were actually playing it enough to force you to like it. But thankfully... (2/5)
Mike: There's a reason why this was left off "Body Language". It's fucking shit. (0/5)
Pablo: Almost as boring as Mariah. If Paula isn't drunk, I don't pay her any attention. (1/5)
Paul: I'd rather munch out a sweaty Beth Ditto than listen to this abomination again. (0/5)
Prophet: The rumours about Paula's drug use are obviously true because only somebody pumped full of meds would think it was a good idea to cover a Kylie Minogue song. At least do something by her sister who's actually half decent. What happened to the "Cold Hearted Snake" I used to know and love? (1/5)
Robpop: Completely fun. This is what its about. Fuck its history and context. Judging by the song alone, it hits my pleasure principle. Hard. (5/5)
Total: 9/30

Peaches - Talk To Me (video)

D'Luv: Peaches always seems like a good idea on paper, but let's face it; her songs have consistently sucked for six years now. (1/5)
Mike: A true pioneer at the very height of her game! (4/5)
Pablo: Dark! (4/5)
Paul: I feel bilious just listening to it. More angry girl rock. (2/5)
Prophet: Peaches is a pretentious twat but I absolutely love her music and this is no exception. Not quite as good as "Kick It" but fabulous nonetheless. (3.5/5)
Robpop: Yawn. (1/5)
Total: 15.5/30

Jordin Sparks - Battlefield (video)

D'Luv: She just needs to be plowed. (3/5)
Mike: Ryan Tedder is an amazing songwriter but this tune is completely wasted on Jordin Sparks. A gifted vocalist like Beyoncé would have turned this out, Jordin just makes it mediocre. (2/5)
Pablo: I hate ballads. Any kind of ballad. (1/5)
Paul: Sigh. Jordin. Could people stop creaming their Aussie Bums over her now please? She didn't just give birth to Christ or anything, she is just singing a somewhat above average pop song that's quite nice. (3.5/5)
Prophet: A guaranteed #1 smash. This Ryan Tedder written & produced track is like the absolute best kind of commercial radio fodder available. Just think Kelly Clarkson's "Breakaway" album for 2009. (4.5/5)
Robpop: Jessica Mauboy & Emilia De Poret do this sort of thing a lot better but this is okay. There is absolutely no emotion in Jordin's vocals despite the lyrics which suggest absolute heartache. (3/5)
Total: 17/30

James Leon - Purple Heart (video)

D'Luv: This clip leads me to believe James has wiled away many sleazy hours. (3/5)
Mike: Beautifully simple and melodic. James Leon is an electropop force to be reckoned with. (4.5/5)
Pablo: Any more 90's and it'll explode. (2/5)
Paul: Although I think the lyrics should say "my purple head will heal you" there's a lot of melody and loveliness in the chorus. (4.5/5)
Prophet: Oh please, I can't stand this pretentious gay indie-electro trash. Maybe if I was manking out on a vial upstairs at the Midnight Shift then I could appreciate this - but until that day comes, this gets a (1.5/5) from me.
Robpop: Beautiful electro soft pumped up ballad that is magically sparse & deserves more attention. (3/5)
Total: 18.5/30

La Roux - Bulletproof (video)

D'Luv: Clay Aiken actually looks quite butch in this video, so I'm giving it a good rating. (4/5)
Mike: There's something painfully pretentious about this duo but "Bulletproof" is an undeniably delicious serve of electropop goodness. (3.5/5)
Pablo: The ugly daughter from Nicola Roberts from Girls Aloud and Siobhan Donaghy remaking Robyn's video. Sticky. (3/5)
Paul: My god she looks scary in the video. Why is she singing over the backing track from 80s video game classic "Frogger"? Sort of works though. (3/5)
Prophet: When this started I thought "Ohh, finally some electro I like". Unfortunately some screaming ginger dyke had to come along and ruin it all. (2/5)
Robpop: Part-Grange Hill, Part-Robyn, Bulletproof is a rather nice ditty from a terribly English singer who tries far too much to fit in with the Shoreditch crowd. It works however. A success. (4/5)
Total: 19.5/30

The Vanish - Heartbeat (video)

D'Luv: There's only one Cut Copy in my book, but these guys come off as their brattier second cousins. Not bad. (3/5)
Mike: An absolute corker of a song. Fucking stunning from beginning to end. One of Australia's most promising bands. (4.5/5)
Pablo: Quite surprising. I didn't expect this kind of music could come out of Australia. (4/5)
Paul: It lost points for not being a cover of the Steps classic. (2.5/5)
Prophet: "What are wire hangers doing in this closet when I told you no wire hangers EVER!" Sorry, I ran off to watch "Mommie Dearest" so I could escape this audible hell. I hope these Presets knock offs make like their name and Vanish. (1.5/5)
Robpop: Absolutely amazing. (4/5)

Total: 19.5/30

SINGLE OF THE WEEK

Annie - Anthonio (video)

D'Luv: I like the Fred Falke version way better than the single version, but this is still 40 times better than Peaches. (4/5)
Mike: The Norwegian bore's reed thin, inexpressive vocals flounder in a muddy sea of dull electro beats and clichéd lyrics on this grating stinker. (0/5)
Pablo: I totally love it. (5/5)
Paul: Everything about this works. Only cos i remember all those fuckers who knobbed me on holiday and left me fake numbers and an itchy cock. Bastards. (5/5)
Prophet: Another winner from Norways finest. I love the melancholy feeling behind this electro-pop track almost as much as I love Annie herself. (4/5)
Robpop: The Flirts want their song back. (2/5)
Total: 20/30

So there you have it. Annie's latest flop is my very first 'Single Of The Week'! Do you think the Pop Panel should be a regular feature or was once enough?