Dirty Hands Demand More Dannii B-Sides!

I firmly believe anything Kylie can do, Dannii can do better. Well, with the obvious exception of being successful and having hits. However, there's another chink in Dannii's otherwise fabulous armour - her B-sides, more specifically her lack thereof. Earlier this year I wrote a long post about Kylie's amazing pop offcuts and thought it was about time I did the same for the younger Minogue. Unfortunately, they are harder to find than Dannii's dignity. I count 10 meagre tracks over her 20+ year career, 12 if you count the bonus interview on "Success" and Album megamix on "I Begin To Wonder" (which I don't). It's suddenly clear to me why Dannii always has 35 shitty remixes and no B-sides. The tight bitch has been stockpiling them for her endless string of budget compilations! Anyway, I've decided to order these decidedly slim pickings from best to worst. Here goes:

1. Someone New ("Coconut" - 1998)

"Someone New" isn't just my favourite Dannii B-side, it's one of the best songs she has ever recorded. Everything about this dance anthem is completely epic, from the running time to the spectacular production. Despite coming in at nine and a half minutes, the Green/Masterson penned track never sounds like a remix. Instead, it perfectly blends dance and pop elements. I particularly love the little splashes of piano and the ruthless way the track keeps building and building. I remember reading about "Someone New" being the possible lead single from "Girl" before the album was even released, so I'm mystified as to why it was left off altogether outside Japan. It's an amazing track that would have made a great album even stronger.

2. Feel Like I Do ("So Under Pressure" - 2006)

In my opinion this is the saving grace of Dannii's sorry stint at AATW. Unlike most of the music she released at the house that K Lo built, "Feel Like I Do" isn't watered down dance trash. JCA and Hannah Robinson delivered a meaty pop gem that was the logical progression from "Neon Nights" - dark and dirty pop with killer beats and an almost haunting chorus. I think JCA always bring out the best in Dannii and I hope she considers working with him again if she ever comes out of retirement.

3. Hide & Seek ("I Begin To Wonder" - 2003)

Can someone please build me a time machine so I can go back to 2002 and re-live the "Neon Nights" era? It was so perfect, it almost feels like a dream. The music, the artwork and Dannii's hair - all faultless. The magic even extends to the B-sides. While "Nervous" and "Goodbye Song" are favoured by most fans, I slightly prefer "Hide & Seek". It's such an odd little pop song with its Eastern influences, strange chanting and minimal chorus. The track was probably a bit too abstract for "Neon Nights" but it's definitely one of the most interesting tracks Terry Ronald and Ian Masterson have created for Dannii.

4. It's Time To Move On ("This Is It" - 1993)

This is probably the hardest Dannii B-side to come by given that it has never been released on CD or as a digital download. The "Early Years" fiasco could have remedied that situation but the song was conspicuously absent from the tracklist before the album sold out on iTunes. A couple of years ago a friend ripped me a copy from my "This Is It" cassingle and I've really warmed to it. Unlike many fans, I love Dannii's crazy mid-90s experiments and this is a corker. "It's Time To Move On" is a fairly typical 90s dance track with some subtle R'n'B elements to give it an American sound. It's fairly dated but I love Dannii's vocals and the chorus is very cute. This is better than many of the tracks that made it on to "Get Into You".

5. Nervous ("I Begin To Wonder" - 2003)

I was obsessed with this Ronald/Masterson gem when I first heard it. I think I've played it several hundred times too often over the past few years and have grown a bit tired of it. However, of all the "Neon Nights" B-sides, this is the only one that would have seamlessly slotted into the album. I love the slightly darker dance sound and the chorus has real bite. "Nervous" has an edge that makes it stand out from the crowd. It's depressing to think that a song this good couldn't even make the cut a couple of years ago while noise pollution like "Touch Me Like That" is now considered singleworthy.

6. No Secret ("This Is The Way" - 1993)

I ache for Dannii's mid-90s R'n'B phase and this trashtastic urban jam is fairly typical of the period. It's not quite as charming as "It's Time To Move On" but I love the tinny beats and the cheesy chorus. Maybe it's time for New Jack Dannii to stage a comeback?

7. Goodbye Song ("Don't Wanna Lose This Feeling" - 2003)

The third of the "Neon Nights" B-sides produced by Terry Ronald and Ian Masterson is something of a camp classic. I love the bitchy lyrics ("I've got more to say to the girl who does my nails" and "I think I've got a moment in 2029") and the loopy production but the chorus is MIA. That said, this is still a great little pop song and indicative of the creative high that Dannii and her collaborators were riding at the beginning of the decade.

8. Hallucination ("Jump To The Beat" - 1991)

I'm not even sure this technically qualifies as a B-side. Was the US CD single an official release or just a promo? Anyway, I'm not exactly spoiled for choice so I'm including it. Most fans will be familiar with this from "The Remixes" - the remixed greatest hits package (don't laugh) with the wonky nose on the cover. That version is labelled the "LA Mix" but I can't tell any difference between it and the original. Speaking of LA Mix, that dance outfit wrote and produced "Hallucination". This is probably the wildest thing Dannii recorded in the early part of her career. It's kind of like a poor man's "Do You Dare?" only with a whispered rap. It's very quirky but a lot of fun.

9. Est-Ce Que Tu M'Aimes Encore ("I Begin To Wonder" - 2003)

This is a tough one. The original is one of my all time favourite Dannii tracks but the French language version doesn't quite sound right. In fact, it's almost as clunky as Kylie's French version of "Confide In Me". On the other hand, I'm a sucker for foreign language versions of pop hits and I listen to this quite frequently. It definitely has novelty appeal!

10. I've Been Waiting For You ("Perfection" - 2005)

The B-side to "Perfection" is curiously underwhelming. I love Terry Ronald and Ian Masterson but this just sounds tired - like every other faceless dance track being churned out of AATW. The production is a bit flat, the chorus doesn't quite click and Dannii could be reading from the phone book, she sounds so disinterested. Kind of sums up the entire AATW era really.

Bonus Track

I Don't Wanna Take This Pain (Saxtrumental) ("I Don't Wanna Take This Pain" - 1990)

This doesn't really count as a B-side but I re-discovered it recently when I was going through my Dannii collection. The "saxtrumental" version was only released on vinyl and is one of the trashiest things I've ever heard. Think Kenny G covering "I Don't Wanna Take This Pain" and you get the picture. I recommend hunting this down for comedic value alone!

10 Questions With Marina & The Diamonds

Every now and again you hear a song and think they get me. That's how I felt the first time I heard "I Am Not A Robot" by Marina & The Diamonds. It perfectly sums up how I've been feeling lately - overwhelmed and suffocated. As much as I loved the song, I had a sneaking suspicion that Marina might be a bit too cool for me. I don't read NME, can't fit into skinny jeans and would rather listen to La Toya than La Roux. As it turns out, I couldn't have been more wrong. Marina's music is quirky but it's still pop and positively oozes beautiful melodies. When she surprisingly agreed to an interview, I thought I should dig a bit further and stumbled across her blog. The more I read, the more I loved her. Marina is so raw, funny and uncompromisingly honest. This post is one of the best commentaries on the music machine that I've ever read. So what do you ask such a maverick? Read on to find out.

1. Hearing "I Am Not A Robot" for the first time was like being tea-bagged by Jesus. I felt like I had been touched by greatness. Did you realise it was special when you wrote it?

Yes. Because I was cringing as I wrote it as I was having to be really uncomfortably honest. Yuck/yikes.

2. I guess the lyrics are open to interpretation. What's it all about?

About pushing yourself too hard and as a result getting miserable/unproductive and not achieving anything in the end. About not being good enough. About trying to be good enough. About (cringe) an endless battle against yourself and the inherent self loathing that lies within all of us (it happens to all of us at some point in our lives - no point trying to deny it and going all hippy "self lurve" etc etc).

Robyn also has a song out about robots at the moment but it's a bit shit in comparison.

I love that song. It's weird there are 3 songs out at the moment about robots. It wasn't intentional. I wrote the song a long while ago. How embarassing.

3. The video is startling. Was it fun to make? Every tranny in Sydney will be after that sequined lipstick!

It was one of the best days that I've had in the past 5 years. Dreams turning into reality. The black oil giltter took 40 minutes to strip/scrape off. My skin was in rashes after the shoot.

4. I love reading your blog because you're so scathing. Are there any celebrities that you actually approve of?

Oh yes. Plenty. I am just a cynic and see badness in everything. I'm sure people have plenty of criticisms about me or WILL HAVE.

I think I open my mouth as I feel disappointed with most people or feel like I am on my own/can't find people who think along same lines as me. General perception of world = we all seem to be prioritizing the wrong things. No family values, style over substance reigns supreme in everything, etc etc. See? am nothing but a cynic. Maybe if I changed my ways I would not be disappointed with self/life.


5. Do you get sick of the comparisons with Kate Bush? I guess it's better than being compared to someone vile like Kate Nash. Who are you biggest influences?

Kate Bush is a most flattering comparison so will not say anything. I didn't really listen to music until 19 so my knowledge is limited. Sometimes I state Kate Bush as an influence just to please people as I know that is what they want to hear. In reality I love the Distillers, Patti Smith, PJ Harvey, Daniel Johnston and vintage No Doubt.

6. Your live cover of "What You Waiting For" is brilliant. Can you please stick it on your next single as a B-side?

Oh ok.

7. The continued success of Girls Aloud is a sure sign that the apocalyspe is nigh. True or false?

Hmm. False.

8. Who are the Diamonds? I've read that they're not a band but your fans.

The Diamonds are the fans. I wanted/always wanted this to be a collective experience. I am a solo artist so it can't really be a band I'm referring to.

9. What do you make of music blogs and their role in the greater music machine? You've received a lot of online loving.

Their role = picking up on music 8 years before the masses and spreading the good stuff. I like blogs. Fact.

10. When is the album going to drop? Will it include "Robot", "Obsessions" and "Mowgli's Road"?

Yes it will. It will drop in Jan '10.

Thanks so much for your time!

Marina's EP "The Crown Jewels" is out now in the UK. It features the amazing "I Am Not A Robot" (below) and is available to download from iTunes. There's no news about an Australian release as yet.

Shakira's Back!

I've been excited about Shakira's new album for months and if the lead single is any indication, it's going to be well and truly worth the wait. "La Loba" (the Spanish version of her comeback song "She Wolf") leaked yesterday and I've been listening to it non-stop ever since. In one fell swoop, the Colombian diva has kicked all the pretenders to the curb with her quirky pop genius. While Madonna desperately jumps on the latest bandwagon and Kylie happily treads water by working with the likes of Xenomania, Shakira continues to take huge risks. "La Loba" is a genuinely odd track that juxtaposes lush disco beats with sleek electronic bleeps. It should be a complete disaster but in a dazzling slight of hand, Shakira makes it work.

A lot of people are describing the song as a massive departure but to a certain extent "La Loba" picks up where "Timor" left off. However, unlike Shakira's curiously upbeat anti-war anthem, "La Loba" doesn't hint at disco. It is disco. The song is so authentic I can almost see the mirror balls and smell the poppers! Part of me wishes she left out the electronic elements altogether but they do add another layer to the track. I'm not sure who produced "La Loba" but they deserve a lot of credit. The swirling strings are sublime and that killer bassline is an almost animalistic call to the dancefloor. This is so good, I almost don't want to hear the English version. Check out Shakira's stunning comeback below:

Pop Panel - Week 7

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Michael Jackson - A Tribute

Michael Jackson was the Peter Pan of pop, the man who refused to grow old. It seems completely unfair that something as unremarkable as a heart attack should put an end to a magnificent career that survived scandal after scandal relatively intact. Unlike the majority of increasingly macabre media reports currently flooding the internet, I refuse to focus on the tragic side of Michael's life. The King of Pop clearly had his demons but he achieved more by the time he was 10 than most of us will accomplish in a lifetime. Instead, I'd like to pay tribute to an amazing artist by writing about my brief stint as one of his many devoted disciples. My love for Michael's music might have waned over the years but he never lost my admiration.

In the mid-80s my family finally got around to buying a VCR and one of the first videos we owned was "Thriller". I have no idea who chose it but I'm guessing it was my older sister. The clip was frightening stuff for a 5 year old and I had nightmares for a week. However, as I got older, it became one of my favourites and I watched that battered VHS compulsively. "Thriller" got me hooked on Michael and by the time "Bad" was released in 1987, I was already a loyal fan. More than twenty years have passed but I still remember purchasing the cassette with my pocket money and literally playing it until the tape broke. I listened to the album today and it isn't quite the masterpiece I remember. While "Bad" doesn't match the brilliance of "Off The Wall" or "Thriller", it's so intricately connected with my childhood memories that I find it hard to be objective. There's a bit of filler but time has been very kind to "Man In The Mirror", "Smooth Criminal" and "The Way You Make Me Feel".

I discovered Stock Aitken Waterman in the late 80s and my musical taste evolved radically (many would say in the wrong direction). By the time "Dangerous" was released in 1991, I had already lost interest in Michael. That's not to say I gave up on him entirely. Once you've caught the Havenhurst bug, there's no going back. Instead, I increasingly focused my attention on his fabulous siblings. My undying love for La Toya is pretty well known but I keep my admiration for Rebbie, Jackie, Jermaine, Marlon and Randy on the downlow. I'm starting to ramble now but I just don't know how to end this post without sounding completely trite or overly dramatic. I guess I just want to thank Michael for being the soundtrack to so many happy childhood memories. My deepest condolences to his family and army of faithful fans.

Britt Ekland's Private Party

Sometimes I get a bit carried away with the modern music scene and forget the whole reason I started this blog - to celebrate the glittering underbelly of pop. Two songs that screams POP TRASH in capital letters are Britt Ekland's stunning disco flop "Do It To Me (Once More With Feeling)" and its fabulous B-side "Private Party". From the hilarious cover to the cheap and tawdry lyrics, these sublime anthems represent everything I love about music. They're camp, utterly irreverent and come with a nude foldout poster! Britt's pop career might have only lasted for the one single but she sure did go out in a blaze of glory.

Until recently I had no idea that Britt ever dabbled in music. Like most people, I only knew her as a Bond girl and general media whore. I should have guessed that the Swedish bombshell would have been sucked into the disco craze like every other starlet with a shred of notoriety in the 1970s. And as far as novelty disco anthems go, "Do It To Me (Once More With Feeling)" is surprisingly accomplished. The production - courtesy of Joel Diamond - is vibrant and the chorus is seriously catchy. I love the spoken breakdown in French towards the end and the classy lyrics are an endless source of joy. Admittedly, Britt can barely speak English let alone carry a tune but her vocal incompetence just makes the proceedings even more fabulous. Listen to this hot mess here.

As much as I adore "Do It To Me (Once More With Feeling)", the B-side is even better. "Private Party" is basically a four and half minute party invitation with some of the cutest lyrics in disco history. I particularly love it when Britt purrs "it's a private party and not everyone can come, you gotta know the in-crowd if you want to join the fun!" The song also benefits from a great brass section and more prominent backing vocalists. It's a shame this wasn't the A-side but (given the cover) they were obviously hoping sex would sell and this gem is more camp than sleazy. Listen to "Private Party" below:

Private Party


Unfortunately for Britt, the single was a massive flop and she never recorded another one. It's probably for the best. The world obviously wasn't ready for a 37 year old nude pop star!

Kylie & The Curse Of Xenomania

You'd think ruining the Pet Shop Boys' career would have been enough for Xenomania but, if media reports are accurate, they are now looking to drag Kylie into their two man flop machine. Honestly, the thought of Brian and Miranda producing the majority of Kylie's next album makes my blood run cold. Isn't the hideousness of "Giving You Up" warning enough that Kylie shouldn't be allowed within 10 Kilometres of Xenomania? It's by far the worst single of her 20 year career - and she wants to make half the album with them? Someone please call Susan Powter because we need to STOP THE INSANITY!

I agree that Kylie's next offering needs a more cohesive sound. "X" is my second favourite Parlophone album after "Light Years" but it did suffer from too many cooks in the kitchen. Hiring one or two producers is a great idea but Xenomania isn't the answer. Kylie needs to push her boundaries and keep trying new things, while everything that Brian Higgins touches has that same boring old sound. I'll gladly put up with the occasional "Nu-Di-Ty" for the pristine pop of "The One", "In My Arms" and "2 Hearts". Xenomania is a spent force. Working with them would be two huge steps back. Artistic merit aside, it would also be commercial suicide. Their sound is so English. Exactly how many hits have the ugly trolls from Girls Aloud scored outside the UK? I think you'll find the answer is 0. Has poor Kylie finally given up on international chart success in order to score a few cheap hits in Britain?

If the Xenomania revelation wasn't bad enough, the same sources state that Kylie will work on the other half of the album with Nerina Pallot. Seriously, was Lisa Scott Lee busy? I'm lost for words. I quite liked the flop diva's last album (particularly her cover of "Confide In Me") but I sure as hell don't want Kylie to emulate her sound. Kylie has made such edgy choices in the past, working with the likes of Emiliana Torrini and Kish Mauve. Why is she bothering with this middle of the road has-been? While I run to church and pray that this is all a big hoax, check out Nerina's only "hit" (below). Can't you just imagine this as a Kylie anthem? No, me neither.