Khia Vs Miley Cyrus

Mash ups are notoriously hit and miss. For every Ke$ha Vs Kylie, there are ten of these abominations. As a result, I was fairly sceptical when The Prophet sent me "Party On My Back, My Neck". I worship at the alter of Khia and the mere prospect of rap's second baddest bitch (after Choice) taking on Miley Cyrus was enough to give me a semi but I still feared the worst. Well, I couldn't have been more wrong. This shit is epic! Khia's filth anthem still sounds as outrageous today as it did in 2002, while Miley's G rated jam provides the perfect soundtrack for the song's sordid lyrics. These musical heavyweights need to join forces and re-record the track as a duet. Hannah Montana's army of tween fans will be pussy poppin' in no time! The person who slapped "My Neck, My Back (Lick It)" together with "Party In The USA" is clearly a visionary and deserves an award for services to the music industry. Fingers crossed they turn their attention to Choice and Dannii next. By the way, can some clever person please rip me an mp3 of this masterpiece? I think I've found my new ringtone!

So Lonely - The Video

I'm so fucking excited! In late December I wrote a post about the making of Chris Sorbello's "So Lonely" video clip and after 3 long months, the damn thing has finally hit the net. At first I was almost too scared to watch it. I love Chris and really didn't want to test the boundaries of our friendship by trashing her video (if it wasn't any good). It's a huge relief to report that "So Lonely" is utterly fabulous. Which is a little surprising given the simple premise. Basically, Christina performs a series of robotic dance moves in increasingly quirky costumes in an abandoned warehouse with only a strobelight and smoke machine to keep her company. Not exactly "Telephone" then but director James Littlemore does a great job of capturing the song's subtlety and sparse beauty. I love the smoke effects - shadow puppets are so 2010! - and the crazy outfits. Particularly the hot disco tranny look at 1:15 minutes and the amazing knit dress at the end. Chris does a brilliant job with the choreography and holds everything together with her intensity and unique style. It's kind of surreal to see the finished product given that I spent most of the shoot chatting to the diva about September (don't ask) and stealing food from the caterers. Check out the video below and let me know what you think!

See my behind the scenes pics from the video shoot here!

Lady Gaga's Monster Ball - Live In Sydney

What a week! I thought Ami Suzuki's 30 minute DJ set of radio hits from 2009 would be hard to top but Lady Gaga's Monster Ball was even more riveting. Love her or hate her, it's impossible to deny the Picasso-esque beauty's incredible impact on popular culture and last night was a celebration of everything that makes Gaga so special - her stage theatrics, outrageous costumes and undeniable talent. Call the woman pretentious if you will but try telling that to the thousands of teenage girls, housewives and homosexuals who travelled from the suburbs to honour their icon in full Gaga dress. Before I get stuck into my review, I have to get one thing off my chest. As much as it pains me to say anything nice about Madonna, the fame monster owes Madge some new chicken cutlets for ruthlessly pillaging her Blond Ambition tour. It's not a criticism as such - Blond Ambition "borrowed" heavily from Liza With A Z (watch it if you don't believe me) - but the debt should be acknowledged. However, while Madonna did it first, Lady Gaga does it better. The Monster Ball chews up a seemingly endless string of influences and spits them out to create something new and wonderful.

Gaga's best angle

The show begins with a fairly grungy projection on plain white curtain. Lady Gaga then appears in silhouette to perform "Dance In The Dark" (one of my favourite songs from the album). As far as entrances go, it's actually quite dull. Someone lend her a DVD of Kylie's Fever tour so this can be rectified ASAP! Things rapidly improved when the curtain fell and Honey Bee's partner in crime strutted down a staircase to belt out "Glitter and Grease", "Just Dance" and "Beautiful Dirty Rich". The highlight of that tasty trio was definitely "Just Dance", which Gaga sang while playing a car shaped piano. It was at this time that the dirty diva introduced the show's theme - a Wizard of Oz inspired journey to the monster's ball, a place where freaks and weirdos are not only welcome but the norm. From that moment on the concert transformed into something akin to a rock opera. Only with really gay dance tunes. I loved the narrative and found it a perfect match for Gaga's theatrical aesthetic. The treatment was a little heavy handed in places - bitch, we get that your message is all about inclusion without you telling us every 5 minutes - but it worked and provided the perfect canvas for her imagination to run riot.

Stunning choreography!

To be honest, I'd never heard "Vanity" before last night's concert and I (rather shamefully) own 6 or 7 different editions of "The Fame". Gaga introduced the song saying she had been performing it since she was 18 - so I guess that makes it about 20 years old. Despite the track's astounding vintage, it's a brilliant punk infused pop/rock anthem that I desperately need on my iPod. I love it when Lady Gaga rocks out. Her ability to genre hop so effortlessly is what makes her so interesting. It also strikes me as vastly more authentic than her Madonna inspired rendition of "LoveGame" in a plastic nun's habit. On the bright side, it gave me "Like A Prayer" flashbacks, which remains my favourite old hag anthem. Much more exciting was her performance of "Boys Boys Boys" - in my opinion the best song on "The Fame" after "Poker Face" and "Just Dance". That was followed by a track I didn't recognise ("Money Honey" according to other reviews I've read) before an angel appeared to drag the concert to previously undreamed of heights. "Telephone" is amazing enough on its own but I was wondering how she would cover Beyoncé's verse. As it turns out, she just played a recording of her part and sang along. Hearing the true Queen of American pop's voice gave me chills and I loved Gaga's quip about Beyjesus busting her out of gaol. Seeing the choreography from the video performed with startling accuracy was also a sight to behold. Epic!

Good witch Glenda

From here on in things got a little weird. The Lady sat down at a flaming piano to perform a couple of ballads and really brought "Brown Eyes" to life. Next up was "Speechless", another of my favourite tracks from "The Fame Monster". I love the song and her performance was extraordinary until she stopped halfway through and started rambling about her struggle to make it, feeling like a freak and loving her fans so very much. She then burst into tears before finishing the song. I'm not sure if the outburst was genuine (it would be interesting to know if she does it at every show) but it was nice to catch a rare glimpse of Stefani Germanotta. She quickly disappeared as Gaga re-emerged dressed as good witch Glenda to perform "So Happy I Could Die" on a platform that was elevated high above the crowd. Her costume was spectacularly beautiful and the set design was equally exquisite. While that might have been the concert's prettiest moment, "Monster" was probably the best choreographed and performed number. I've always like the song but she really took it to the next level and I haven't been able to stop listening to it since. Please release this as a single!

An exclusive pic of Gaga sans make up!

Another song that sounds vastly better live than on record is "Teeth". I can't even listen to it on "The Fame Monster" but it was bearable last night. More appealing was the delightful "Alejandro", which I believe is now officially going to be the third single. This segment was completely over the top - with Gaga pretending to die before demanding the audience to recognise her endless sex appeal (stop laughing!) and being dropped in a fountain spraying blood or red wine. It was completely ludicrous and pretty ridiculous to anyone old enough to know the various films, artists and performers she's ripping off but I loved every second of it. Unlike most fans, I actually think Gaga is in on the joke. Next up was another costume change - Kylie's catsuit from the "Telephone" video! - for "Poker Face", followed by an anime/King Kong inspired performance of "Paparazzi". Both were brilliant but the staging of "Paparazzi" was so simple yet effective (love the blow up monster!) that it left more of an impact. For the big finale Gaga dragged out "Bad Romance" and proved yet again why that is one of the greatest pop songs of all time. The costume was amazing but I'm constantly surprised how that anthem continues to develop and evolve. I could whinge about the increasingly long costume changes, the insipid speeches about being true to yourself and her general artistic thievery but that would be to deny her undeniable talent as a performer and her current status - like it or not - as one of pop music's greatest visionaries.

Best Tweet Ever

Touched By The Hand Of Amigod!

Japanese pop icon Ami Suzuki rocked the Gold Coast to its very foundations on Sunday night without even picking up a microphone. At first I was slightly disappointed that I'd flown from Sydney to listen her holiness play a bunch of CDs but just being in her presence was enough to turn the evening into a semi-religious experience. That and the fact that she accidentally spilled some water on my head. Yes, bitches - I've been baptised by Amigod! Apart from that life changing moment, the highlight of the evening was undoubtedly hearing Ami play a fabulous mash of "Free Free" and "Can't Get You Out Of My Head". I wish she played more of her own music but at least she picked the two best songs from her vast catalogue of hits. Other tracks spun by the pop legend include "Just Dance", "Sexy Bitch" and "Boom Boom Pow". Ami is so cutting edge! There isn't actually that much I can write about a DJ set, so I thought I'd let the pictures do the talking.

While lesser stars play at common venues like Acer Arena and the Entertainment Centre, Ami prefers to keep it real by rocking Bedroom Nightclub. Conveniently located near Condom Kingdom and a kebab store.

Ami-mania even spread to the urinal. Pissing in public has never been more glamorous!

The divine diva looked absolutely stunning in her floral dress. Love the sequined headphones.

Ami was the picture of concentration...

But eventually let loose and drove the crowd into a frenzy with her amazing tunes.

She changed her own CDs and everything!

"How did it come to this?"

In all seriousness, I think more pop stars should do DJ sets. Just think how much more enjoyable an Annie or Little Boots concert would be if you didn't have to hear them sing. Ami is such a trendsetter! As much as I'd love to see Lady Suzuki perform live, it was enough just to be in the same room as her. She's doing another show in Brisbane on Thursday, so head along to catch a glimpse of Japan's true Queen of pop. You might even run into these lovely girls!

Ami Suzuki

Soon I will bask in her magical glow...

Telephone: The Adventures Of GaGa & Honey B

"I told you she didn't have a dick" quips a guard after throwing Lady GaGa in her prison cell. So begins the most highly anticipated music video in recent history. Yes people, "Telephone" is finally here! After months of delays, the 9 and a half minute Jonas Åkerlund directed opus has just hit the web and it's everything I could have hoped for. The lovingly sleazy homage to 70s sexploitation movies picks up where "Paparazzi" left off. GaGa has landed in gaol but makes the most of her free time by making out with hot dykes and posing naked in crime scene tape. Basically your average episode of Cell Block H with higher production values! Things heat up when a super sexy Beyoncé bails our heroine out and they go on a Thelma & Louise inspired killing spree.

"Telephone" is truly staggering in its scope. It all has everything - lesbian love scenes, brilliant dance routines, jaw dropping costumes (smoking sunglasses is THE LOOK for 2010) and a surprisingly witty script. I particularly love the little in-jokes. Like the aforementioned crack about Lady GaGa having a penis and the gags about Beyoncé's eating habits. The camp dialogue is also pretty amazing. "Once you kill a cow you gotta make a burger" and "I knew you'd take all my honey, you selfish motherfucker" spring to mind. I hoped Beyjesus would do the right thing and let Lady GaGa shine after completely stealing the show in "Videophone" and she graciously obliges - at least for the first half of the mini movie until her superior beauty and Oscar calibre acting ability makes it an impossible task! If I had to choose a favourite scene it would be Lady GaGa's cooking demonstration or the choreography in big finale, which showcases the phenomenal talent of pop music's two biggest stars.

10/10

PS. Did Lady GaGa steal Kylie's catsuit from Showgirl Homecoming?!

Holestar - London's NyLon Woman

Holestar is the hottest tranny mess in England, which is quite impressive given that she's a biological woman! It's been done before - see Spain's legendary La Terremoto de Alcorcón - but what makes this chick without a dick unique is the fact that she's more than an admittedly fabulous one trick pony. The gender-bending diva made a name for herself on London's underground cabaret scene (memorably getting her tits out in this George Michael video) before deciding to revolutionise pop music as we know it. Instead of going down the high camp route like every other bitch with a feather boa, Holestar's debut has a welcome edge to it. "NyLon Woman" is a spiky electro anthem that positively crackles with wit and attitude. I love the fierce lyrics (my favourite line - "It was me who put the ho in Soho!") and the 2010 via 1985 approach to production. A video is on the way, so you'll have to make do with the audio for now. Learn more about the UK's latest faux tranny pop sensation here and listen to her stunning debut below!

Holestar - NyLon Woman

Mi Corazón Gitano

Mi destino es andar,
Mis recuerdos son una estela en el mar

Let's face it, Shakira's "She Wolf" is already dead and buried outside of the Spanish speaking world. And I blame Sony. "Give It To Me" was an abomination and the company clearly spent more money on Kelly Clarkson's catering budget than Shakira's last couple of videos. The only thing that could revive the project now is rush releasing "Men In This Town" but even that hauntingly beautiful electronic masterpiece would have trouble saving this sinking ship. It's devestating because the album is extraordinary and deserves to be huge. Take single number four. "Gypsy" grabs you by the heartstrings and showcases the diva's stunning versatility. Who else could go from whoring it up in a glittery vagina to strumming a gentle folk song with such ease and authenticity? This is vintage Shakira. The quirky lyrics ooze a sunny melancholy, while the organic production owes more to 1969 than 2009 (when it was recorded). I love every second of it. I just happen to love the Spanish version more. Shakira sounds more natural in her native tongue and the translation is lovely. I wish I could speak the language well enough to get all the nuances but what I can understand is pure poetry. "Gitana" is being tacked onto the South American re-release of "She Wolf" as a bonus track but will hopefully appear on iTunes eventually. If not you might have to steal it get a little creative. The video (below) is well worth checking out. A lot has been made of Rafael Nadal's constant state of undress but I can't take my eyes of Shakira. She is the sexiest woman alive. After La Toya.

Matisse Does It Better Than Most

Pop fans might recognise Matisse as one half of flop girlband Brit & Alex. They had a minor hit with "Let It Go" a couple of years ago but they were better known for just being really hot twins. Since then Brit has dumped her sister (cold!), changed her name and recorded one of the best pop anthems of 2010. Catchy doesn't even come close to describing "Better Than Her". I've been walking around humming the song for days and still can't get the damn thing out of my head. This shit is more addictive than chocolate coated heroin! As much as I'm obsessed with Matisse, it's actually quite difficult to explain her debut single's immense appeal. The production isn't particularly original and the song is irritatingly repetitive. However, on closer inspection, you're rewarded with an unexpectedly gorgeous melody that harks back to 80s power pop and a genuinely epic chorus. Think Madonna circa 1985 produced by a cheap RedOne imitator and you're halfway to understanding the track's brilliance! A lot of credit has to go to Matisse. The girl has attitude to burn and a surprisingly distinctive voice that holds up well against the heavy production. Fans of Livvi Franc's "Automatik" and Tania Foster's "Supawoman" will adore this. A big thanks to The Prophet for bringing Matisse to the masses.

Choice - Remembering Rap's Baddest Bitch

Despite only having two flop albums to her credit, Choice changed the face of music forever. Her foul mouthed fabulousness broke barriers for female artists by tackling subjects that were previously considered taboo - like big dicks, dildos and hungry pussies. This pioneer should be the toast of the hip hop world. Without her there would be no Lil' Kim, Khia or Nicky Minaj. It's something of a tragedy then that Choice's stunning legacy is all but forgotten outside of the gay community. A talent of this calibre should be living the high life instead of working at McDonalds or turning tricks (my money's on the latter). With any luck this post will win Choice a couple of new fans. I live in hope that she will emerge like a phoenix from the ashes and reclaim her crown as rap's baddest bitch.

Born Kim Davis, the soon to be legendary diva changed her name to Choice and quickly made waves on Houston's hip hop scene. Her big break came in 1989 when she featured on Willie D's charmingly titled "I Need Some Pussy". Choice was quickly snapped up by Rap-A-Lot records and her debut album was released in 1990. I usually find rap about as appealing as death metal but "The Big Payback" remains one of my favourite albums of all time. When not dissing her male contemporaries (Ice Cube and NWA both get a serve), Choice raps about her sexcapades in graphic detail. The shrinking violet explores cunnilingus on "Cat Got Your Tongue":

Just like a dope fiend getting a hit
You happy as fuck when you're licking my clit

Before moving on to dick size on "Mr Big Stuff":

Leaving my cunt unsatisfied,
Whoever told you you had a big dick lied!

My favourite track is "Pipe Dreams" (listen to it in all its filthy glory below), which finds Choice ruminating on her favourite sexual experiences. I could quote the entire song but this is one of the more demure examples:

I couldn't take it without lubrication
It had to be the biggest damn dick in the nation

They say lightning doesn't strike twice but "Stick-N-Move" (released in 1992) is only slightly less amazing than "The Big Payback". Choice still had her mind in the gutter but this time around at she at least discovered safe sex. "HIV Positive" has to be one of the most politically incorrect songs of all time ("HIV positive, you know the AIDS?") but I'm ashamed to admit how many times I've played it over the years. Other highlights from the diva's brilliant sophomore album are "Choice Is Choosie", "Tales From The Sexside" (which includes the immortal line "stuck my dildo in his ass until his asshole bled") and "Humpin'". The album was actually quite successful by Choice's standards - it reached #83 on the R&B Chart! - but sadly it proved to be her last hurrah and she has literally never been heard from again. Wherever Choice is, I hope she's still having pipe dreams and knows how sorely she's missed by her small army of gay fans.

STOP PRESS!

Choice is now on Facebook. She only has 7 fans - so add her!

Cascada's Two Big Hits

Isn't it funny how a really big hit can sometimes backfire and sabotage an album? "Evacuate The Dancefloor" was absolutely huge for Cascada. So big, in fact, that it completely overshadowed all the singles that followed and basically killed the whole project. Take the UK. Natalie's line by line re-make of "Just Dance" spent 4 weeks at #1, while "Dangerous" stalled at a shameful #67. In the digital age pop stars need a string of hits to keep their albums afloat - see Lady GaGa and Beyoncé - or fans will just download the song and move on. Which is exactly what happened to Germany's favourite big boned Fräulein. It's interesting then that Australia appears to have bucked the trend and embraced Cascada's latest flop. "Fever" didn't even chart in the UK but it debuted at #48 over here a couple of weeks ago (before falling off) but looks set to climb again given its current top 40 position on iTunes and across the board radio adds. I swear, we're the new Japan. Any old shit can chart in this country! And that's exactly what "Fever" is. Shit. The only redeeming thing about it is the tragic video, which finds a corset clad Natalie crawling over a boardroom table. However, it's not all doom and gloom for pop's premiere Hi-NRG hooker.

Cascada recently unveiled a brand new track. "Pyromania" was originally rumoured to be a Timbaland production but I think that's about as likely as Janet donating her sex toys to charity. Not that it matters because this is the German dance outfit's finest moment. A lot of people have accused the band of further pillaging Lady GaGa's back catalogue but I don't hear it. The song is squarely aimed at the American market (much like "Evacuate The Dancefloor") but this time around they have refrained from reverse engineering their favourite track from "The Fame". To me, "Pyromania" is a classy attempt at capturing the RedOne sound while staying true to their Eurotrash roots. GaGa could never come up with lyrics as inspired as "pyro pyro-mania ma ma ma mania". They already have next year's Ivor Novello award in the bag! I'm not sure if this is from a completely new album or simply the latest single from a scheduled re-release of "Evacute The Dancefloor" (my guess) but I think team Cascada has another winner on its hands. Make sure you check out the typically ridiculous video (below). Natalie proves once again why her child bearing hips are worshipped the world over!

Something You Probably Won't Like

I'm in love with a song. It's early days yet and we're still getting to know each other but as Donna Summer once said - this time I know it's for real. The thing is... I don't think you'll approve. You see, "Home" isn't typical Pop Trash fodder. I actually feel kind of dirty for hooking up with a tune that made JJJ's hot 100 countdown but the heart wants what the heart wants. If you've never heard of Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros, you're not alone. I happily ignored the band until I stumbled across "Home" and felt like I'd just been tea-bagged by Jesus. As it turns out, the group is a much hyped 11 piece from California fronted by a couple of shaggy hippies called Alex and Jade. They describe their music as psychedelic folk rock but I think "Home" sounds more like Sonny and Cher crosssed with The Mamas & The Papas. On really good acid. I love the whistles, tambourines and brass. I adore the sweet chorus. And I want to marry the person who wrote the lyrics. The romantic exchange (at 3:15 mins) about Jade falling out a window, almost "breaking her ass" chokes me up every time. Finally a new song to add to my wedding playlist! Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros are touring Australia at the end of the month. See you there.

Sun Ho - The New BoA?

Singapore's Sun Ho is the latest Asian superstar to waste spend her millions on a bunch of A List producers in the desperate hope of cracking the American market. It's a strategy that failed to pay dividends for Utada and my beloved BoA but here's hoping the most famous Ho in Asia has more luck. The striking diva first appeared on my radar in 2008 when she recorded a duet with Olivia Newton-John called "Isn't It Amazing". That collaboration inspired me to do some digging and I was surprised to discover that she had a string of US and UK club hits extending back to 2003. Interestingly, Sun's latest single is something of a departure from her usual dance sound. "Fancy Free" has more than a touch of P!nk about it. I like the attitude filled pop/rock anthem in its original form - nothing gets me going like a deluded 38 year old ranting about her endless sex appeal - but the remixes really bring the song to life. No surprise then that "Fancy Free" is already a top 10 smash on the US club chart. The rest of her album sounds promising too. With contributions from Darkchild, Danja, Rob Knox and Chuck Harmony already in the can, we should be hearing a lot more from the pride of Singapore in 2010. In the meantime, check out the amazing Dave Aude remix of "Fancy Free" (below). The video isn't exactly shabby either!

Chris Sorbello's ARIA Debut

The Chris Sorbello juggernaut has finally taken off. In the most stunning chart development since Dannii's "Touch Me Like That" rocketed all the way to #96 on iTunes, Australia's latest dance sensation makes her ARIA debut this week. At #36 on the Club Chart. Smash! I've been raving about "So Lonely" to anyone who would listen for ages, so I'm ecstatic that it's starting to build some serious momentum. The Hook N Sling mix is absolutely phenomenal and I'm confident the track will continue to win over clubbers in the lead up to its April release date. Listen to the remix on the diva's freshly overhauled Myspace or better yet, score a free download by pre-ordering "So Lonely" here. Chris has been a very busy girl over the past few months but I'm holding off a proper update until her video drops - which I'm told will be any day now. Stay tuned!

George Michael - Live In Sydney

As you can tell, I had amazing seats!

It's not easy being a fan of 80s pop icons with highly publicised drug habits. I spent Wednesday night bathing in Whitney's sweat soaked glamour before doing it all over again on Friday at George Michael's Sydney show. The concerts couldn't have been more different - George was actually lucid and sang in tune - but I enjoyed them both equally. Albeit for very different reasons. Whitney was a hot mess but there was something unusually intimate about her trainwreck of a tour. George, on the other hand, was the epitome of professionalism. Everything from the staging to the setlist was immaculate and he cemented his reputation as a consummate live performer. Having just stumbled home from Mardi Gras, I'm not quite up to writing a proper review but here are some random thoughts on the George Michael experience:

1. The man still looks hot - especially for a middle aged pothead. George, call me if you get bored. We'll smoke a bowl and cruise some beats!

2. Time has not wearied the brilliance of "Fast Love", "Too Funky" and "Freedom" one iota.

3. Dita Von Teese almost stole the show with her saucy video montage.

4. "My Mother Had A Brother" gets me every time. Without a doubt one of the most heartbreaking songs about homosexuality ever written.

5. Speaking of gayness, dedicating "Amazing" to (his partner) Kenny was a nice touch. I also liked the banter about Mardi Gras and his amusing warning about over-zealous policemen.

6. I wish he'd leave "Roxanne" to Sting. It was one of the night's few misfires.

7. The ballad section was lovely. George has one of the most underrated voices in pop music.

8. "Wake Me Up Before You Go Go" and "I Want Your Sex" were glaring omissions. I would have also loved to hear "Monkey" and "Precious Box".

9. Vodka and Johnny Walker don't mix. Believe me, I learned the hard way.

10. The highlight of the night was "Outside". The video projections were amazing and George rocked that police uniform.

2010 Mardi Gras Special - La Chiquitta

Move over RuPaul and Dana International - pop music has a new drag icon! Fresh from the back alleys of hottest club in Hong Kong, La Chiquitta has recorded the campest single of 2010. The title speaks for itself. "Tranny In The House" is an hilarious ode to the glitz and glamour of drag life, making it the perfect Mardi Gras anthem. I really don't know where to start. This is one of the stunning jams that you just have to hear for yourself (see bottom of post). I'm not sure what's more appealing - La Chiquitta's stunning voice (think Heidi Montag meets Kim Zolciak) or the classy lyrics. My favourite line is "if you want it hot and heavy, call the tranny when you're ready". Cathy Dennis is so jealous right now! Produced by expat Australian DJ Stonedog, the song is the latest offering from Volume nightclub's in-house record label and will feature on their first compilation scheduled for release in Summer (ie. our Winter). Can you imagine if someone had the balls to do this in Australia? Courtney Act on Nevermind Records or Maxi Shield courtesy of Midnight Shift Music Pty Ltd? Fabulous. Anyway, enjoy my brief chat with Hong Kong's hottest tranny and grab a copy of her genre defining masterpiece on Ebay. See you on Oxford Street in about an hour. Happy Mardi Gras!

Girl, how did you get into drag? Was it always your ambition to be Hong Kong's premiere drag queen?
If I'd gone to drag school I'd probably get the title "Least Likely To Succeed" in our yearbook. I was the laziest, most half-hearted brat queen when I was starting - I didn't wanna shave my pits and legs, I wore the shortest heels, I only had one wig in my closet and somebody always had to do my make up for me. I started out in a trio called The Glitterazzis and we performed every month at Volume for almost a year until we had to take a break due to exclusivity issues. To answer the second question, I didn't see myself doing anything more than a monthly show for Volume. That was already THE ultimate dream for me. Like I said in a recent blog entry, to dress up in drag is a fantasy for so many gay men. But to dress up in drag and be applauded for a performance is something else. It gives you a certain kind of high. Now, to be a drag queen, and to be given a chance to record your own song, then, be backed up by legitimate media is so much more than I could ever ask for. I can retire now. But of course I won't. I'm only just beginning to conquer the world!

I've been called a lot of things but never legitimate. Thank you! Now, there is a long history of drag queens becoming pop stars - Divine, Dana International, Madonna etc. Were those pioneers an inspiration to you?
No, they weren't. I didn't know them then. My exposure to drag culture was hideously limited. But they are now. It helps to have an idol that, you don't necessarily have to imitate, but whose stature and craft you will want to achieve someday. Like Lypsinka's prolific artistic career, Mitzi Macintosh and her dame-ness, Chelsea Buns and her world-famous dress and costume line, Ru Paul and her fame and beauty and the young but already-famous (and fellow Filipino) Ongina for just being the drag darling of the world.

"Tranny In The House" is amazing. Did you help write the thought provoking lyrics? Tell us about working with DJ Stonedog.
It only really started with two lines and by accident too. "There's a tranny in the house", I exclaimed when the guys were having too much fun and I wasn't getting the attention a queen rightly deserves. "Call the tranny when you're ready!" I said as a final warning. The boys found it funny. They were in stitches and that just pushed me to keep on going. I knew I was coming up with something brilliant, something life-altering, something bigger than all of us! So, I started recording the words that were coming out of my mouth, like a visionary writing down the words of a great apparition. The rest is history, recorded in mp3 format, and sold at HK$80 (about $10 AUD) per copy!

The best thing working with DJ Stonedog is that he owns a bar. You get a free drink for every brilliant idea. So you are motivated to keep your brain working. Other than that, he is down to earth, he doesn't have an ego that you have to constantly massage, he treats you like an equal and he's not imposing. Your input is welcome and he makes sure that you feel comfortable in the entire process. Most of all, he knows exactly how to deal with my whims and tantrums, being a retired drag queen himself!

I understand the gay scene in Hong Kong is relatively conservative. How has your music been received? You must have broken down barriers.
I am backed up by friends from the community. A lot of them are expats who are used to the more liberal gay life and a huge chunk of them are also locals who are pushing for change in the way their culture sees homosexuality, and every concept attached to it, and are embracing "that" more liberal way of gay life. To say that I have broken barriers would be over-glorifying myself. I might have challenged homophobia and dragophobia a little bit by prancing around the stage in a short frilly skirt and sequined panties and then announcing that I'm a top but I don't think that broke barriers. What I think I did, and I will claim credit for this, is that I gave my people a cute, catchy tune to dance to while they're doing the more noble job of breaking barriers. And it comes in five different remixes too!

I believe you had an interesting experience in an elevator recently....
Picture this: 5:30am winter morning. 8 gay guys from the Chinese New Year dance party trapped in a 2.5 by 2.5 foot lift that could only fit seven people. After 30 minutes and eight calls to the Helpline, they finally decided that the gay boys weren't joking and that they, indeed, needed help. At the first sign of help, a knock from the outside, I yelled "Help us, please!" Yelled, literally. Then I was told off. I said, "Everybody, I don't mean to shout, but there's a tranny TRAPPED in the fucking lift!" I finally got to retouch my eyeshadow at 6:30 in the morning.

LOL! Are you interested in recording more stunning dance anthems or was "Tranny In The House" a one off?
There is actually another song in the works and I have recorded it before "Tranny". It was meant to be released before "Tranny" but because we were having so much fun with "Tranny", we ended up finishing that first. Plus, DJ Stonedog had a feeling "Tranny" was a better first release. And he was right.

Will La Chiquitta ever visit Sydney or do we have to fly to Hong Kong to bathe in your glamour?
After my performance for Mr. Gay Hong Kong in October, my partner, who was born and raised in Sydney, started contacting people who were connected with this year's Mardi Gras. And we got an email telling us that there would be something for me for the Fair Day, if we were to go anyway. But we had very limited time and resources to plan it, so we're postponing it to next year. And I hope that the slot is still available then. I will definitely find a way and a chance to perform in Sydney, no matter how small. The most supportive "Chiquitta friends" that I have here in Hong Kong are Aussies. They love me. I have a feeling I can capture the heart of Sydney.

Finally, I have to ask - are you really a top? Gays of Hong Kong beware!
We are about to run out of copies of the CD to sell. Soon, you will find my CD on Ebay. The highest bidder for that will find out for himself!

Ebay will probably crash! Thanks for your time.
Kisses, Mike!

Whitney's Hot Mess Tour

I grew up listening to Whitney Houston. Her debut was the soundtrack to every dinner party my mother held in the mid-80s (along with Sade’s “Diamond Life”) and 1987’s “Whitney” was the first album I bought. My interest waned during the Bobby Brown years but “I Look To You” reignited the flame and I couldn’t wait to see the legendary diva drag her crack ravaged carcass around the stage despite the abysmal reviews. Critics have ridiculed Whitney’s voice, questioned her professionalism and mocked her wardrobe. And it’s hard to disagree. Her rendition of “The Greatest Love Of All” was a travesty, she often appeared as high as a kite disorientated and returned to the stage after intermission looking like she had just crawled out of Ke$ha’s luxury dumpster. The thing is – I still loved every minute of it. Whitney’s voice has taken more of a beating than Madonna’s vagina but her vocal shortcomings somehow made the show more intimate and raw, evoking an unexpectedly emotional response from the audience who took over singing duties when she couldn’t. It would have been easy to come on stage and mime like Britney but Nippy kept it real, flaws and all.

The show started promisingly. Whitney looked amazing in a slinky gold dress and launched straight into two of my favourite songs from her latest album – “For The Lovers” and “Nothin’ But Love”. Her voice was shaky but nowhere near as bad as the reviews would have you believe. It was great to see her looking so radiant and I was happy to see her (clumsily) perform some choreography. Someone needs to sign her up to the Kylie school of hand-dancing! There was a palpable sense of relief from fans when she finally made her way though “I Look To You” after a dodgy start and things genuinely looked up when she performed a brilliant reggae tinged version of “My Love Is Your Love” (one of my all time favourite songs) and endearingly hummed a few lines from “Like I Never Left”. Introducing her daughter to the crowd was a nice touch and I loved her diva tantrum before “It’s Not Right But It’s Okay”. The sound apparently wasn’t up to scratch and she had three false starts before belting out the song in rather fabulous style. A spot on rendition of “If I Told You That” closed the first act, which more than exceeded my expectations.

Unfortunately, the Whitney express was destined for a head on collision. The intermission was her first big mistake. It was great to hear her brother sing and I loved her band’s version of “Queen Of The Night” but the “One Moment In Time” video montage was a potent reminder of the sad decline in Whitney’s voice. She didn’t help her cause by returning to the stage wearing a transparent black top and what at first glance looked like a fluffy car seat cover. Her hair was also sweat soaked and limp, making the entire ensemble less than flattering. The acoustic section that followed was very hit and miss. “Saving All My Love For You” was rough but poignant, while “The Greatest Love Of All” was heartbreakingly bad. Whitney redeemed herself somewhat with a respectable take on “All At Once” before really coming through on “I Learned From The Best”, which was probably her best vocal performance of the night.

More enjoyable still was her increasingly erratic behaviour – she inexplicably stopped singing in the middle of songs, congratulated a lesbian couple holding a 25 Year anniversary banner on being “friends” as long as she has been making music, turned her back on the audience to speak to the band for extended periods, said that she was pleased to see so many people “as old as her mother” in the crowd and talked about missing Michael Jackson before ranting about fans talking to her while she’s trying to eat. It was a complete car crash but I couldn’t take my eyes off her.

Less fun was her extended sermon about Jesus and her woefully inept rendition of “I Love The Lord”. It was around this time that people started to walk out but it was their loss because (the remainder of) the crowd was completely swept up in the warm nostalgia of “I Wanna Dance With Somebody” and “How Will I Know”. Her voice was pretty croaky by then but Whitney’s energy and obvious delight in getting her fans on their feet was compensation her vocal problems. I was genuinely worried when she launched into “I Will Always Love You” but it turned out to be surprisingly competent - if you overlook the two minutes of silence mid-song when she strolled to the back of the stage to grab a drink. Whitney’s upper and lower register are intact, it’s just everything else she has a problem with. I loved hearing her belt out her biggest hit and was moved when she hit the big note at the end. She probably should have left things there but she returned for a fun but sloppy version of “Million Dollar Bill”, followed by “I’m Every Woman”. That is until she turned around and left the stage halfway through the song without saying a word, leaving her band and dancers red faced. It was a fittingly twisted end to an emotional rollercoaster that I’d happily take again. Whitney is a lot of things. Boring isn’t one of them.

Elouise - The Stardust EP

In a market flooded with autotuned club anthems, rent-a-rappers and achingly hip indie pop queens, one English diva stands alone in a bubble of glitter and glamour. Her timeless torch songs and heartfelt ballads buck every perceivable trend in modern music by focusing on old school storytelling and sheer vocal talent. Two qualities that are captured perfectly on "The Stardust EP". As far as debuts go, this is very impressive. As it should be given Elouise's list of collaborators. Kylie's right hand man Steve Anderson produced the EP, while Dannii's former gay husband (before Nathan took over) contributed two tracks. That's not even mentioning the input of Rob from Don't Stop The Pop, who has been involved with Elouise from the very beginning and basically ensured that the whole project was fucking fabulous. Mission accomplished! "The Stardust EP" brilliantly pays tribute to the great torch singers of yesteryear without sounding tired or derivative. This woman really knows how to belt out a tune but her greatest skill lies in her unusual ability to interpret lyrics, bringing every nuance to life. Here are some random comments on Elouise's gorgeous calling card:

Another Day

Names like Dusty Springfield and Nancy Sinatra are thrown around when describing Elouise's music but I think she sounds like a cross between Olivia Newton-John and Shirley Bassey. A heady mix of sweetness and frailty with a flair for the bold and dramatic. "Another Day" showcases the diva's full range. Written by Steve Anderson and Terry Ronald, the track is the best Bond anthem never attached to a 007 movie. Steve's production is absolutely epic with the kind of booming chorus that would make most of today's (non-)singers die of fright. Breathtaking.

Pretender

The least hyped song on "Stardust" is probably my favourite. Terry Ronald obviously has most of these albums in his collection because "Pretender" sounds like it was stolen straight from the Streisand songbook. I wonder if Tezza remembers our chats on the Dannii Board before I was banned for crimes against Nathan (ie. DDB)... but I digress. The piano intro is lovely and I completely identify with the desperate and slightly hysterical lyrics. I just wish Elouise would hold back a little in the chorus. She occasionally veers towards the West End when she goes full throttle and it dates the song unnecessarily. Anyway, it's a very minor criticism of a truly great tune.

Fireman Of My Dreams

This is the campest thing to be released by a (genetic) female in a long time. The double entendres about hoses and poles will ensure "Fireman Of My Dreams" instant cult status, while the genuinely catchy chorus and disarmingly sweet vocal delivery should win over more discerning music fans. Personally, the song reminds me of a naughty update of ONJ's "Hopelessly Devoted To You". In fact, it wouldn't sound out of place on the "Grease" soundtrack - which, in my opinion, is a huge compliment. Listen to Elouise's dirty ditty below.

"The Stardust EP" is available to buy at the Leicester Square Theatre in London from tomorrow with a proper digital and physical release (both domestic and international) to follow in March. The packaging is stunning, so don't be stingy! In the meantime, check out Elouise on Myspace and make sure to add her on Facebook.

The Day The Music Died

So I come home after a hard weekend night on the tiles and decide to look at the charts before passing out on the lounge to the soothing sounds of Kelly Llorenna only to be confronted by an ABOMINATION. The evil troll from Girls Aloud somehow squirmed her way into our national top 10 with "3 Words". My faith in humanity has been shaken to the core. Are people mistakenly downloading this anal wart of a song because they usually associate will.i.am with good music or did the Chk Chk Boom Girl start a grass roots campaign to launch her hero's antipodean career? I'm shocked and appalled by this travesty of taste and justice. We have talentless fame whores a plenty in Australia without needing to import them. Hell, Shakaya has more urban credibility than this skank and will.i.am put together! What's next? Jade Ewen climbing to #1 with "My Man"? Jesus take the wheel and steer us towards real talent. Like this.

What Soraya Did Next!

Spain’s undisputed Queen of pop has been busy since coming a respectable second last in Eurovision last year. She re-released her amazing flop album, scored a top 30 hit in Sweden (on the virtually obsolete physical singles chart) and completed her sold out tour (of free shows at radio stations). Unlike desperate Edurne, who is now appearing on the Spanish version of Dancing With the Stars – Soraya continues to go from strength to strength while retaining her class and dignity! A case in point is Soraya’s latest endeavour as the nude cover girl of Must! Magazine’s "Sex Issue". As you can see from the clip above, the stunning diva is in fine form. Her beauty is almost as flawless as her voice and totally non-Botoxed forehead. More importantly, I'm told the song playing in the background is Soraya’s next single – a sure to be #77 smash hit collaboration with French DJ Antoine Clamaran. It goes without saying "Live Your Dreams" is already the best track of 2010 and I haven't even heard it! For more info check out this glamorous post.

Cum Inside Erika's Kingdom

Erika Heynatz has finally released her debut single! The former Australia's Next Top Model host and Farscape actress has been threatening to unleash an album since late 2006. I was played a couple of demos way back in 2008 but assumed EMI had scrapped the project when the stunning triple threat dropped off the radar. After listening to "Kingdom", it's pretty clear Erika spent that time overhauling her sound. The demos I heard were all uptempo numbers, while her debut is a gentle guitar driven pop song. As much as I would have loved another mutton-dressed-as-lamb dance diva to add to my stable of favourites, I really like "Kingdom". The lyrics are surprisingly sweet and the subtle production makes the track something of an oddity given the current trend for overproduced pop. Admittedly, Erika still sounds like she's been sucking on Kylie's helium balloon and the song could easily slot into any album Natalie Imbruglia has released since 1997 but it works. My only gripe is the hideous cover. Can EMI please make sure the diva still has a pulse before her next photoshoot? She looks like an extra from Six Feet Under. Thankfully, the video (below) is a much classier affair. In fact, I think "Kingdom" has higher production values than Erika's last movie! It's simple, suitably moody and vaguely reminds me of Kylie's lovely "Some Kind Of Bliss". Colour me impressed.

Sour 7 - Disappreciation Thread

Mutya gives her verdict on "Sweet 7"

It's a sad day for pop music when the new Sugababes' album is only twice as good as the last Girls Aloud offering. Once upon a time you could bank on The Babes making their rivals look even more tragic than usual. While the racist and her talentless friends churned out the same old shit year after year, Keisha & co continued to mix up their sound and brought some much needed class and dignity to the charts - regardless of the seemingly endless line up changes. The ship really should have sunk with Mutya's departure but the group somehow managed to survive without the realest girl in pop. "Catfights and Spotlights" was disappointing but eventually grew on me and I thought "Get Sexy" was a good omen for their 7th album. The ladies seemed back on track until Keisha was shown the door and it became blindingly obvious that she was the glue keeping the group together all these years. As far as I'm concerned the Sugababes officially died when Jade Ewen signed on. I could deal with horsey Heidi and crazy Amelle as replacements but a floptastic Eurovision failure with the charisma of a burst colostomy bag? Was Mel Blatt too busy?

Despite my disillusion with the brand, I was still genuinely excited about "Sweet 7". The line up of producers is mouth watering. RedOne, Stargate, Fernando Garibay and Toby Gad have created some of the best songs of all time. The Sugababes might be a complete farce but it's impossible to get the music wrong with all these heavyweights, right? Apparently not. I'm a huge fan of American pop but this album represents everything wrong with it - recycled beats, generic lyrics and soulless mid-tempo ballads. There is an obvious hierachy when it comes to working with the A List and the Sugababes got Beyoncé and Rihanna's hand me downs. Hell, I think they got the shit Jordin Sparks rejected! It's easy to point the finger at the producers or the record company for ruthlessly pursuing the US market but other British acts have effortlessly jumped on board the American pop bandwagon (see my recent posts on Livvi Franc and Tania Foster for starters), so the blame has to lie with Heidi, Amelle and Jade. They simply simply don't click as a group and are completely out of touch with their fanbase. The girls need to change their name or pull the plug. "Sweet 7" is the final nail in the Sugababes' rotting coffin.

I'm not going to give the album a proper track by track review because I find it too depressing. However, here is my cheat sheet to "Sweet 7":

Get Sexy

A decent lead single that sounds infinitely better when you're off your face in a club. The song will always hold a special place in my heart due to the band's surprise appearance on Pop Trash Addicts to promote it. Their hints on getting sexy (below) have been a constant source of amusement to me.

Wear My Kiss

"Wear My Kiss" is the best track on the album by a very wide margin. Fernando Garibay has been on a tear recently - delivering killer tracks for Lady GaGa and Whitney - and he continues to impress. I have a feeling this is going to be a massive flop but it's the only song on the album that Version 2.0 would have touched with a ten foot pole. Make sure you download the glorious WAWA remix from iTunes. It's one of my favourite tunes of 2010. Brilliant.

About A Girl

Keisha's version > Jade's version. But they're both RedOne on autopilot.

Wait For You

This doesn't quite scale the same heights as "Wear My Kiss" but it's a decent slice of uptempo dance-pop with a surprisingly cute chorus. It just sounds suspiciously similar to Lady GaGa's vastly superior "No Way" - a song Fernando previously submitted for "The Fame Monster".

Thank You For The Heartbreak

The Sugababes go electro with a little help from Stargate. Sounds amazing? It isn't.

Miss Everything (Featuring Sean Kingston)

A three and a half minute lesson in how to be a gold digging skank. Siobhán is lying in the foetal position somewhere clutching her copy of The Female Eunuch begging Jesus for forgiveness.

She's A Mess

This unveiled attack on Mutya is completely unnecessary. It's not her fault "she's sweating bullets" and "her heels are broke". You try dragging those butt implants around the club! Mut Mut will have her revenge!

Give It To Me Now

The clown behind Cheryl Cole's "Parachute" was responsible for this mess. Enough said.

Crash & Burn

OK, I like this. Toby Gad's ballads have a way of sucking me in - particularly Fergie's "Big Girls Don't Cry" and Bey's "If I Were A Boy". "Crash & Burn" isn't in the same league as those stunning anthems but it is lovely and one of the few songs on "Sweet 7" that showcases the fact that these women can actually sing. Unlike Girls Aloud.

No More You

Stargate's ability to recycle beats should be acknowledged by the Guinness Book Of World Records. I swear I've heard this song 500 times before and I'm pretty sure that almost all of them have been just as shit.

Sweet & Amazing

When I saw the title I expected a much deserved tribute to Keisha but it's just another mid-tempo ballad - albeit an unexpectedly cute one. This is worth a listen.

Little Miss Perfect

Trite, lame and embarrassing. A fitting conclusion to a diabolical album.

RATING: 3/10

R.I.P Sugababes - thanks for the memories!

Ami Suzuki's Kylie Cover & Australian Tour!

Today is quite possibly the most important date in the history of popular music. My favourite Japanese diva - the heavenly Ami Suzuki - has just leaked a thirty second preview of her long awaited version of Kylie's "Can't Get You Out Of My Head" AND finally confirmed her first Australian tour (of Queensland nightclubs). I don't know where to start! I'm literally lost for words after hearing Ami's stunning cover, so I guess I'll begin with her tour. First and foremost - why is this living legend confining herself to the Sunshine State? Ami's tens of fans would fill venues right across Australia. I know my local Sushi Train would be packed to the rafters! It's frustrating but I won't let 730 measly kilometres come between me and the pride of Japan. The prospect of hearing the Queen of Avex mime to a bunch of her top 35 smash "hits" is just too tempting. Queensland, here I come! At the moment the diva's Australian tour consists of the following dates:

- The 14th of March at Bedroom Nightclub on the Gold Coast (link)
- The 18th of March at Church Nightclub in Brisbane (link)

I'm not familiar with either venue, so if anyone has any suggestions - please let me know. I just hope Ami belts out a couple of early classics like "Be Together" and "Love The Island" as well as her trashtastic Avex masterpieces "Free Free", "One" and "Can't Stop The Disco". Speaking of that last smash, you might remember my post about the song's video clip. It's basically a frame by frame copy of Kylie's "In My Arms", so I find it only fitting that Ami pay tribute to Australia's own Queen of pop by covering her biggest hit. Needless to say, the Japanese icon does Kylie proud. Changing the lyrics to "I just can't get you out of my hair" was a masterstroke! Ami's breathtaking anthem will feature on this upcoming compilation but until then, enjoy the 30 second preview (below). Ayumi and Utada could never...

Marina & The Diamonds - Remixed

I'm the first to admit that I'm very wary of "hip" new pop acts. As a general rule, they're overhyped (La Roux) or just plain shit (Little Boots) but occasionally someone actually has the talent to match the praise that's been lavished upon them. Marina & The Diamonds definitely falls into the latter category. The Welsh diva's wit, insight and devastating honesty make for a heady mix - particularly when you throw in her quirky vocals and knack for writing a catchy chorus. You didn't need to be a NME journalist to know Marina was destined for big things and I'm genuinely proud to have interviewed the singer before her recent commercial breakthrough with "Hollywood". I'm so excited Marina now has a top 20 hit to her credit but I'm convinced she'd be celebrating a top 5 smash if the Ground Control remix was released as the official single edit. Her record company probably thought it was too fun and fluffy for a rising indie pop star but I think the song's electro-makeover is a work of poptastic genius. "I Am Not A Robot" will always be my favourite Marina track but this gayed up version of "Hollywood" is now a close second. Expect a review of her soon to be released debut album in the next couple of weeks. In the meantime, enjoy one of 2010's best remixes (below).

Happy Fucking Valentine's!

To all of my dear readers in healthy, loving relationships - happy Valentine's Day. Now, fuck off because this post is dedicated to all the single ladies out there! I was originally going to make an anti-Valentine's Day playlist and spent hours listening to lesbian singer-songwriters moan about broken hearts and their impending spinsterhood but it all got a bit depressing. I thought I'd lighten the mood by blasting some Eurotrash and stumbled across a song so accurate in its depiction of modern day romance that I just had to post it. Elin Lanto's "Love Made Me Stupid" speaks the truth. Like for realz. It perfectly captures love's ability to chew you up and spit you out, while still keeping things light and fluffy thanks to its Hi-NRG production and catchy, if devastating, chorus. The Swedish diva has been on my radar since 2008's poptastic "Speak N Spell" and I'm yet to be disappointed. I'd love to get my hands on her debut album ("One") but that fucker is harder to find than Heidi Montag's dignity. Anyway, check out these lyrics:

Love made me stupid
Why does it do this?
Before I met you everything was just fine
And now I am falling apart
It's killing my heart
Again and again and again

I think Elin and I have been dating the same guys! The film clip is an equally classy affair. How do these Swedish nobodies manage to throw together videos that put most American and English divas to shame? I love the part where she wears a fish bowl on her head and fondles the statue. Now that's what I call art!